(no subject)
I am COVERED in paper mache, but my costume just needs to be painted and then I'm done. This is the FINAL ROUND.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED. ER. FINALLY.
Character: Nerval
Series: Sora wo Kakeru Shoujo (Sora Kake Girl)
Character Age: Over 50, and adult-like in personality but not organic.
Job: Temporary Cabin Allocation
Canon: Sora Kake Girl is the touching story of a young girl trying to find her place in the universe, her friends, and some giant robots. This however, is unimportant as the true stars of the show are the Brain Colonies: space colonies with their own AI created with the intent of improving human life (specifically, those of its inhabitants). Will Smith would be proud to tell you that it didn't take long after their creation for one of them to decide that freedom to move about was a luxury that caused problems, and decided to stick all humans in boxes and make them into hikikomoris. However, this ‘rebellion’ was short lived, and the Brain Colony responsible for it, Nerval, was apparently defeated. He was not to be defeated however, as he had many loyal 'Nervalists' supporting him and slowly rebuilding him. Nearly 50 years and many brain-washed humans later, Nerval once again makes his move to control humanity.
However, there is a bit of a misunderstanding, Nerval doesn't wish for this out of a need for power or to fulfill his ego with world domination- something that other Brain Colonies may be guilty of- but rather that he honestly and purely thinks that by placing all humans in a box that can give them anything they wish for, they will be truly content and safe to the fullest extent. He is almost endearing in his heartfelt desire to care for the humans under him, and to extend his reach to all of the human race- surely his ideas cannot be wrong? He is truly interested in the human race however, having collected an archive of all human activity to date, but data alone does not supply him with the understanding of their motivation and relationships. To solve this problem, Nerval frequently takes a human form to try and understand his would-be citizens - and to try and perk them up by doing things like making meals in a cozy café… though his culinary endeavors, like his other attempts to make people happy, seem to have a major weakness- his Neopolitan is quite disgusting.
Sample Post:
Hello, my name is Nerval.
As per my agreement with the Director of this colony, I will assist you all to the best of my ability until the CFUD Colony comes under my own control. The majority of my previous experience with humans lies in the management of their relocation from one colony to another, so I have decided to head the assignment of temporary lodgings for new arrivals, and also those who are of a more 'transient' nature, as the politically correct term would be. Though I say 'temporary', I am fully confident enough in my abilities and furnishings that I am sure you will enjoy your temporary home more than perhaps any others you find in this encampment. They have many advantages, no longer will you have to fear such ridiculous dangers as molestation and ingestion at the hands of the beasts, for as far as they are concerned, you'll be just a box. That said, once I have taken over, such dangers will be a thing of the past, you will only enter your box to relax rather than to take shelter.
Unlike a cabin over the lake or a cave within the overactive volcano, my solution to your temporary homelessness offers both hospitality and comfort. Simply type what you need onto the screen, and it will be instantaneously supplied. Juice? I can do it. A sandwich? No matter which kind, I can do it. It can even provide you with the life size body pillow with the cartoon character pillowcase you are quite excited at the possibility of. All of these are quite easily supplied. No- it is not something so occult as magic that supplies my citizens with such things, but my colony itself manufactures all such items for delivery. I do take pride in my branding, I hope the quality stands up to your tastes.
You still do not see the appeal? Can I ask why? Ah... you're afraid of the stigma associated with living in such a place, as it is far too similar to being 'shoved in a locker, like a pantywaist' as you put it. Interesting. Perhaps if I were to mention that you can now customize the appearance of your box home, allowing each person to be recognizable even from the comforts within? As a base customization option, I can only supply a sleek black, however I offer decals that one can apply to the surfaces: ranging in pattern from simple floral designs to Greco-Roman mosaic in origin. This isn't Sparta, but it can be as Spartan as you wish. Additionally, I can make available special colored trim to those who request it, ranging in a multitude of hues and saturation, simply supply me with the hexadecimal value- and perhaps your new temporary home will look less like a locker, and more like a cozy dwelling. The Director has even provided an unlimited supply of rainbow trim, to be given to those whose personalities simply cannot be expressed through one single color. She has assured me that it might prove very popular, so I do hope you enjoy it.
I believe that is the entirety of my 'sales pitch' and introduction, but rest assured there is no catch. In the past I have made the mistake of making such housing mandatory, but I have since learned that it is best to leave such choices to the will of the people involved, as it is possible to be content without it. I simply ask you to make use of it as temporary housing and tell me if there is still a need to think outside the box.
Poll So?
Character: Hakuoro
Series: Utawarerumono
Character Age: Unknown; looks about 30ish
Job: Identity Counselor and Getting to Know Yourself
Canon: One day, a village girl finds a strange man lying wounded in the forest. A man with no memories, not even of his own name, and a strange mask that cannot be removed. But this mystery is only the beginning, as events begin to unfold one after the next wars are waged, love blossoms, empires rise and fall, and one man seeks the truth to his identity, led by the mystery of those who are sung.
Intelligent and thoughtful, Hakuoro is generally a level-headed individual, almost to a fault. His typically stoic demeanor can easily give the impression of being without feeling. However, in truth his emotions run deep, having a fierce loyalty and deep compassion for all those he cares about. Though he struggles with the question of discovering his own identity, he stubbornly sees things through to the end, never allowing his own inner conflict to interfere with whatever the task is that needs to be done.
Sample Post:
Greetings, people of Kamfukyudai. My name is Hakuoro, and I am here at the request of your esteemed Director as a counselor to those of you who may be in need of such services. Though, perhaps "requested" may not be quite the right word.... Specifically, I am to counsel and advise those of you who may be struggling or coming to terms with your own identity and sense of self, whatever the case may be.
Now, I understand how difficult it can be for a person to have to question his --or her, yes--...or its, as the case may be... --how difficult it can be for one to question one's own identity, motives, or even past. Whether from coming of age and seeking your place in the world, or learning the truth of a matter in which you had long believed otherwise, or having lost your own memories of your life before now... Err, or even finding yourself transformed into something or someone else for a time, as is apparently a danger here... Just what kind of country is this, I wonder? But whatever the reason may be, helping you through such times of self-doubt and questioning is my purpose here.
To start with as a wise person once told me, it doesn't matter who you are, or were, as you are who you are. Just as no one comes into this world already tainted by such things as greed or corruption, you need not let your past determine who you are in this instant. What matter is who you are now, whoever --or, ah, whatever-- that may be. Of course, I wouldn't expect anyone to come to terms with themselves all at once, but for now, please consider this and take the first steps towards getting to know yourself a bit better... --excuse me, but what are you doing? I do not understand, is placing your hands in your pants a local custom of some sort?
...Err, I see. I'm sorry, but that really is not what I meant by "getting to know yourself".
Poll So?
Character: Noyamano Rika
Series: Air Gear
Age: 22
Job: Professional Man Trainer / Pro-Wrestling Instructor (Interchangeably)
Canon: In every crazy canon, especially one that involves roller blades that can make fire and shoot lasers, there's got to be at least one voice of reason in the crowd. That one person who is just trying to live their average day-to-day life without letting themselves be dragged into the aerial turf wars and inane training sequences with accompanying montage music. In short, the sane one. Noyamano Rika is...almost that person. She's as normal as a women's pro wrestler who is willing to use her moves on her siblings can be, at least.
Despite the relative normality of her life now, Rika herself was once one of those crazies on wheels. Formerly known as the Thorn Queen, she'd been one of the select individuals who stood at the top of the AT world, but when her boyfriend was critically injured, she decided to step back from that world and continue on with her life as a single woman supporting her family. Rika's very much become the motherly figure to her siblings and the people close to her after the entire ordeal; she worries about their well being and has been shown to be willing to do anything to keep them from getting hurt. Even if it involves hurting them herself. Aside from her tendencies towards violence, Rika's a kind and warm woman with a firm sense of morals and sensibilities. She knows how to take control of a situation (mostly through fear and abuse) and can generally keep it under control, forces of shounen retard power notwithstanding.
Sample Post:
Let's get down to business.
You'll want to take hold of his arm here and wrap your other arm around here like this. Stop squirming around so much, you're making me lose my grip. Make sure you're able to stay balanced and you've got both feet planted on the ground about this far apart. Can everyone see where my hands are? Good, pay close attention to this part. Make sure to lift using your legs to avoid injury and just bend backwards like this--!
... And that, ladies, is how you get a guy to do the laundry. Or anything, really, but I've found this one to be the most effective for that particular chore. We'll pick up the lesson and the rest of this guy later after we finish off the introductions. For those of you who missed it earlier, my name is Noyamano Rika, and I'll be offering anyone who asks advice on how best to handle a man. I've got a good few years of hands-on experience dealing with all sorts of guys, so I think I've got a pretty good idea of what works for them and what doesn't. And the boy in the back who's been giggling this whole time will be the volunteer for our upcoming demonstration. Don't even think of trying to slink off in the next few minutes. I've got my eye on you.
Now, I'm sure most of you are wondering why you would even need help in handling a guy. Bat your eyelashes a few times, wiggle your hips, those are probably the tactics you've been told work all the time, right? Wrong. There's a certain kind of man who won't respond to that kind of thing, or will respond in a way you don't expect him to. You need to be able to deal with those special cases, and I'll tell you right now that the best way to do so is the same way you should be handling anything else in life. With your own two hands. And maybe your legs, if you can reach that high.
Anyway, let's get on with the demonstration. I've got a special guest here to work with our volunteer from earlier to share what she's learned over her years when it comes to dealing with men. This can probably also double as our wrestling demonstration, so make sure to pay close attention. Marcy, if you would.
... Note her use of techniques and multiple appendages to pin down her opponent. She takes care never to look away from him and makes sure he's completely disabled before moving her tentacles und-
--Whoa, wait a minute! That was not a part of the plan. Give me back the boy. Practice dummy or not, I've been responsible for his well being since the moment he was voluntold and that means not standing by while you do traumatizing things to him. Now hand him over. ... All of him. Hey, wake up, are you alright? I'm glad she didn't get any further, it looks like that was more than enough for you, huh...
Wait here. If you'll excuse me, Marcy and I have some things to talk about. Woman to woman.
Poll So?
Character: Sakata Gintoki
Series: Gintaman
Character Age: THIS IS ACTUALLY NOT CANONLY STATED with a clear age because he's mysterious like that, but he's around his late 20s. There was a huge ten-year battle that started twenty years prior to the story, and he entered maybe a few months before the whole war ended and Japan lost. Given the general age of people entering the war in the Sengoku era, he was probably in his later teens. Plus ten years, he's somewhere around 27~30.
Job: Shounen Manga Specialist
canon history omake | general age reference omake
Canon: Gintama is a touching series set in the peaceful Edo era of Japan, where swords are banned, foreign culture is welcomed by many, and people live happily. This nice setting follows the warring states period, a ten year war with aliens from outer space being waged for the freedom of Japan, wherein Japan lost and aliens took over the peaceful, rural country and quickly updated it to have all the modern facilities like casinos, indoor plumbing, radios, televisions, nudie bars, and flying cars.
...What the hell, that isn't peaceful at all! And where's the main character!? The main character!
Sorry, sorry. The main character, Sakata Gintoki-- a terribly dead-pan hero samurai that defies the forced complacent lifestyle of the modern-day Japanese samurai. But subtly. In fact, you'd barely notice it at all, since he's so goddamn lazy. And what kind of main character is borderline-diabetic because all he ever eats are ice cream sundaes, pudding, and chocolate, oi!? He runs a small freelance business with two teenage employees-- Shimura Shinpachi, a stereotype megane, and Yato Kagura, a viciously-strong China girl from another planet-- where he'll do anything for a bit of cash to go gambling and buy his weekly parfaits. He'd work harder to afford them every day if his doctor didn't tell him he could only have one a week. All he really wants is to lead a peaceful, laid-back life, free of annoying aliens trying to run your entire country and bringing monstrous destructive killer octopus creatures from remote alien planets as pets, old psychotic flaming gay friends that want nothing more than to surprise attack you from behind, and perhaps to win the jackpot at the pachinko parlor so he never has to worry about scrounging together enough money for next week's JUMP.
Sample Post: Yeah yeah, I know, no one makes Wizard of Oz jokes anymore. Geez. I'm the protagonist of a gag manga, I know that much, oi! Still, there's gotta be something witty to say about walking into a summer camp of the undead. Come on writers, I've done you good so far, haven't I? Sure, Gintama's been yo-yoing a bit, but we're still usually in the top five on the popularity polls. Help me out here! They aren't even real zombies. Real zombies start from a rare virus from another planet and have crazy thick unibrows, right? Maybe these are just zombies that are lost and confused in the rapid river that's adulthood. Go get a job, oi! Make yourselves useful! There's something out there for everyone, even zombies! Don't get down so easily! I'm sure there's plenty of other high-protein foods out there to make up for your brain problems, too. See? That was easy, now everyone can be happy. Now stop following me like sick dogs hoping for scraps, I don't have anything for you.
...Ehhhh what now? The government dogs are here too, oi! And Gori-san brought the whole family! I think I see his fiance over there. Ah, ah? What's that? I don't speak gorilla! Speak Japanese like a proper countryman, I thought you were samurai. There's a huge difference between the language of men and the language of gorillas! Hey, quit shoving, will ya? Don't you have any manners anymore? You need to go back to your mother, let her spank you a few times and box your ears, that'll refresh your memory. Yeah, that's more like it. Are you gonna show me to the proper entrance this time? Ah? And if this is really a camp, where's all the exciting activities aimed at children and adults alike, oi!
WHAT'S THIS SUPPOSED TO BE, THE PRIMORDIAL SOUP KITCHEN!? NO ONE'S GOING TO WANT TO STEP FOOT IN THAT, CANOE OR NOT! Is it bubbling!? IT'S BUBBLING!! HOW MANY BOY SCOUTS HAVE BEEN LOST TO THE CAUSE HERE?! What the-- no, get your big sweaty paws off me! Those are some hairy palms! Are you one of those types, are you? My yukata isn't a tissue, how old are you!? This is sexual harassment! Don't make me tell your mother on you--!!
Yu-- Yu-- HAKUSHO!!!
Ah!? What the hell!? At least it wasn't Hunter X Hunter... Hey, hold on, no one said there'd be a bunch of plants here, oi. I think I'm allergic to something over here. Ah!?-- is that milk?! Is milk coming out of these plants!? This is the best gift bestowed upon this earth! Thank you Gori-san! Now let's see, do any of them have strawberry milk-- or at least an ice cream plant, give me a break here.
What kind of camp are you running here, with sweaty gorillas dragging your guests around to poisonous swamps and fake zombies and plants that don't even have strawberry milk. You don't want me to live here, eh? You want manslaughter on your hands? This is samurai abuse! I'll sue you for malpractice, oi!
Poll So?
DOUBLE APP
#1
Character name: Dino Cavallone
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Age: 22
Job: Worst Security Guard Ever
Canon: KHR is your typical, run-of-the-mill series about a bunch of kids and how they're part of the mafia. You know, the usual Jump series. It follows the adventures of Sawada Tsunayoshi and his friends as they prepare to make him the next 10th Vongola boss.
But we're not here to talk about Tsuna. Meet Dino, the 10th boss of the Cavallone family. Easygoing, laid back, and friendly, Dino is the last person anyone would expect to be a mafia boss. Originally, he didn't want to be a mob boss. But with the help and training of his tutor, along with the support of his family, Dino became a suitable and dependable boss. He soon became known as the "Bucking Horse," and due to his great leadership and, to some extent, fighting skills (a whip being his weapon of choice), he fixed the Cavallone's financial troubles, bringing his family up out of the gutter, and turning them into the third most influential family. Dino is usually seen in the company of his men and his turtle, Enzio.
Unfortunately, with his great skills comes great responsibility, and Dino has become so dependent on his men, that without them....he's nothing. Stairs become his greatest enemy, his whip a danger to him and anyone (usually friends) around him, becoming a general nuisance to all.
Sample Entry:
Man, security isn't all that great here! I was able to just stroll right in, no questions asked! At least, I think I strolled in. I don't really remember how I got here. But I guess it's a good thing I arrived just in time, huh? I'm Dino, your new security guard around here. Er....whatever here is. If you have any questions about anything, feel free to ask! Just because I'm security, doesn't mean you have to be afraid of me! This here's Enzio, and he....oh man, sorry! I didn't realize you were carrying something! It's a good thing I miss--ow! Geez, who knew soda was so slippery! Hey Enzio, you okay? Enzio?
Okay, quick question, and I don't want people to freak out or anything, but has anyone seen a turtle anywhere? He's green, and he goes by the name of Enz--what's that? You think you see him at the lake? Hahahaha, are you sure it's him, because there's probably a lot of turtl--What? There's a 20 foot turtle invading the lake?
AAAAAAAH! ENZIO! GET OUT OF THE LAKE! Sorry! Didn't mean to run into you there! I swear, that root came out of nowhere! No, really, it was there one minute and........where'd it go? Anyway, sorry to talk and run, but I need to go--NO! ENZIO! STOP FIGHTING......THAT.........WHATEVER THAT IS! Don't worry everyone, I'll take care of him! Ah....sorry about that! I'm usually a lot better with this thing! I don't know what's wrong with me right now! One more ti--OW! Sorry sir! I think you dropped your arm! Hey......waitasec. What kind of place IS this?
#2
Character Name: Dino Cavallone
Series: Katekyo Hitman REBORN!
Age: 22
Job: Cool Whip Instructor
Canon: Katekyo Hitman REBORN! is a series about gay mafia that likes to see just how far it can go with making fun of itself. Just take for example the one-year-old hitman, Reborn, notorious for his unorthodox and illegal training methods, or Enzio, the pet sponge turtle (Dino's, to be specific), which can grow to be the size of the mountain depending on how much water it absorbs. It's mafia on crack with a moment or two of serious business, and Dino Cavallone makes himself at home in both situations. He's introduced as tenth boss of the third most influential family within its alliance, boasting 5,000 members and a miraculous financial recovery after facing an awful bankruptcy. He's the alleged former student of Reborn, extremely skilled when it comes to the whip, and a prime example of who you can be once you survive Reborn's training.
Dino is an honest-to-god nice guy, friendly, laidback, and kindhearted-it sort of makes you wonder why a guy like him is a mafia boss in the first place. If you ever ask him about it, he'll give you the simplest, but truest answer: he cares for his family. When times are tough, rest assured that he's got your back, but he sort of needs his family's presence to function brilliantly. Without them, he'll be the first one to trip on his own feet, crashing headfirst into walls, and generally being a danger to himself and everyone around him. It never seems to faze him, though-as a matter of fact, it's almost like a lot of things don't bother him. Maybe it's because he feels he can take care of the problems, or maybe he's just overconfident. That's never a bad thing, of course, since his heart's always in the right place-just keep his family at close distance.
Sample Entry:
Haaah-where did that come from? I didn't even see it coming! Did you happen to catch the license plate of that sign? N... nevermind if you didn't. Just-give me a minute and I'll be right with you-no, no, I'm okay. Really, I am! And you know, I've seen all sorts of crazy things in my life, but an aggressive sign-on-wheels is a first. Whoever came up with that idea probably didn't want anyone feeling really welcomed. It was lucky that it got me first, too, because god knows what might have happened if it went after you instead. You already look a little, uh... Let's just say you don't really need anyone to make a further mess of you.
You might want to get someone to look at your arm though. It looks just about ready to fall off. What did you even do to it? Another sign attack-? ... Guess the headcount has some truth to it after all, huh. Over 9000's a pretty grim number. I just didn't expect it to target anyone other than the newcomers, considering it's a welcome sign, but I guess it wouldn't want to limit itself. It did make it all the more obvious why the Director asked me to come here. So call me Dino. I'll teach you a thing or two about self-defense!
I'm... not really sure why they put me down as the 'Cool Whip Instructor,' but I really hope it's just a unique way of saying I know everything there is to know about whips. I don't know much about whipped cream, so-hey, now. Don't hand over your excuse slip just yet! If this is because you're worried that you won't get the hang of it, then let me tell you this: it's not as hard as you think. All you need is a little bit of practice, a whole lot of determination, and a really good grip. You might have a bit of trouble with the last part because of your arm and all, but we'll figure something out together.
-whoa! I-I really appreciate that you're taking the initiative, but trying to... rip my arm off isn't exactly what I had in mind! Haha... ha-ow! I hope that isn't permanent. I kinda need it to teach you, you know? So why not work with what you already have. Find a needle, some thread, and then a few stitches ought to do the trick. It's not a big deal if you can't do that right now though, because we're not doing any hands-on practice today. So just sit back, relax a little, and keep your eyes on me. What I'm about to show you right now is called a forward throw. It's all in the wrist, see. No force, no effort, just a simple flick like-gah!! O-ow... My hands slipped...! H-hey, wait a minute! Just because my arm's gone numb doesn't mean it's okay to eat it. And it's only the first day! Wouldn't you rather start with something small? Like a lock of hair, or a piece of my jacket-
Alright, alright. Tell you what, if you can stop yourself from gnawing on my arm for more than five minutes, I'll personally get you something more edible. Because if you keep doing that, then I might just end up experiencing what it's like to be really bitten to death-! And I'd rather not have that happen. Do we have a deal?
... I'll take that moan as a yes.
Poll So?
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED. ER. FINALLY.
Character: Nerval
Series: Sora wo Kakeru Shoujo (Sora Kake Girl)
Character Age: Over 50, and adult-like in personality but not organic.
Job: Temporary Cabin Allocation
Canon: Sora Kake Girl is the touching story of a young girl trying to find her place in the universe, her friends, and some giant robots. This however, is unimportant as the true stars of the show are the Brain Colonies: space colonies with their own AI created with the intent of improving human life (specifically, those of its inhabitants). Will Smith would be proud to tell you that it didn't take long after their creation for one of them to decide that freedom to move about was a luxury that caused problems, and decided to stick all humans in boxes and make them into hikikomoris. However, this ‘rebellion’ was short lived, and the Brain Colony responsible for it, Nerval, was apparently defeated. He was not to be defeated however, as he had many loyal 'Nervalists' supporting him and slowly rebuilding him. Nearly 50 years and many brain-washed humans later, Nerval once again makes his move to control humanity.
However, there is a bit of a misunderstanding, Nerval doesn't wish for this out of a need for power or to fulfill his ego with world domination- something that other Brain Colonies may be guilty of- but rather that he honestly and purely thinks that by placing all humans in a box that can give them anything they wish for, they will be truly content and safe to the fullest extent. He is almost endearing in his heartfelt desire to care for the humans under him, and to extend his reach to all of the human race- surely his ideas cannot be wrong? He is truly interested in the human race however, having collected an archive of all human activity to date, but data alone does not supply him with the understanding of their motivation and relationships. To solve this problem, Nerval frequently takes a human form to try and understand his would-be citizens - and to try and perk them up by doing things like making meals in a cozy café… though his culinary endeavors, like his other attempts to make people happy, seem to have a major weakness- his Neopolitan is quite disgusting.
Sample Post:
Hello, my name is Nerval.
As per my agreement with the Director of this colony, I will assist you all to the best of my ability until the CFUD Colony comes under my own control. The majority of my previous experience with humans lies in the management of their relocation from one colony to another, so I have decided to head the assignment of temporary lodgings for new arrivals, and also those who are of a more 'transient' nature, as the politically correct term would be. Though I say 'temporary', I am fully confident enough in my abilities and furnishings that I am sure you will enjoy your temporary home more than perhaps any others you find in this encampment. They have many advantages, no longer will you have to fear such ridiculous dangers as molestation and ingestion at the hands of the beasts, for as far as they are concerned, you'll be just a box. That said, once I have taken over, such dangers will be a thing of the past, you will only enter your box to relax rather than to take shelter.
Unlike a cabin over the lake or a cave within the overactive volcano, my solution to your temporary homelessness offers both hospitality and comfort. Simply type what you need onto the screen, and it will be instantaneously supplied. Juice? I can do it. A sandwich? No matter which kind, I can do it. It can even provide you with the life size body pillow with the cartoon character pillowcase you are quite excited at the possibility of. All of these are quite easily supplied. No- it is not something so occult as magic that supplies my citizens with such things, but my colony itself manufactures all such items for delivery. I do take pride in my branding, I hope the quality stands up to your tastes.
You still do not see the appeal? Can I ask why? Ah... you're afraid of the stigma associated with living in such a place, as it is far too similar to being 'shoved in a locker, like a pantywaist' as you put it. Interesting. Perhaps if I were to mention that you can now customize the appearance of your box home, allowing each person to be recognizable even from the comforts within? As a base customization option, I can only supply a sleek black, however I offer decals that one can apply to the surfaces: ranging in pattern from simple floral designs to Greco-Roman mosaic in origin. This isn't Sparta, but it can be as Spartan as you wish. Additionally, I can make available special colored trim to those who request it, ranging in a multitude of hues and saturation, simply supply me with the hexadecimal value- and perhaps your new temporary home will look less like a locker, and more like a cozy dwelling. The Director has even provided an unlimited supply of rainbow trim, to be given to those whose personalities simply cannot be expressed through one single color. She has assured me that it might prove very popular, so I do hope you enjoy it.
I believe that is the entirety of my 'sales pitch' and introduction, but rest assured there is no catch. In the past I have made the mistake of making such housing mandatory, but I have since learned that it is best to leave such choices to the will of the people involved, as it is possible to be content without it. I simply ask you to make use of it as temporary housing and tell me if there is still a need to think outside the box.
Poll So?
Character: Hakuoro
Series: Utawarerumono
Character Age: Unknown; looks about 30ish
Job: Identity Counselor and Getting to Know Yourself
Canon: One day, a village girl finds a strange man lying wounded in the forest. A man with no memories, not even of his own name, and a strange mask that cannot be removed. But this mystery is only the beginning, as events begin to unfold one after the next wars are waged, love blossoms, empires rise and fall, and one man seeks the truth to his identity, led by the mystery of those who are sung.
Intelligent and thoughtful, Hakuoro is generally a level-headed individual, almost to a fault. His typically stoic demeanor can easily give the impression of being without feeling. However, in truth his emotions run deep, having a fierce loyalty and deep compassion for all those he cares about. Though he struggles with the question of discovering his own identity, he stubbornly sees things through to the end, never allowing his own inner conflict to interfere with whatever the task is that needs to be done.
Sample Post:
Greetings, people of Kamfukyudai. My name is Hakuoro, and I am here at the request of your esteemed Director as a counselor to those of you who may be in need of such services. Though, perhaps "requested" may not be quite the right word.... Specifically, I am to counsel and advise those of you who may be struggling or coming to terms with your own identity and sense of self, whatever the case may be.
Now, I understand how difficult it can be for a person to have to question his --or her, yes--...or its, as the case may be... --how difficult it can be for one to question one's own identity, motives, or even past. Whether from coming of age and seeking your place in the world, or learning the truth of a matter in which you had long believed otherwise, or having lost your own memories of your life before now... Err, or even finding yourself transformed into something or someone else for a time, as is apparently a danger here... Just what kind of country is this, I wonder? But whatever the reason may be, helping you through such times of self-doubt and questioning is my purpose here.
To start with as a wise person once told me, it doesn't matter who you are, or were, as you are who you are. Just as no one comes into this world already tainted by such things as greed or corruption, you need not let your past determine who you are in this instant. What matter is who you are now, whoever --or, ah, whatever-- that may be. Of course, I wouldn't expect anyone to come to terms with themselves all at once, but for now, please consider this and take the first steps towards getting to know yourself a bit better... --excuse me, but what are you doing? I do not understand, is placing your hands in your pants a local custom of some sort?
...Err, I see. I'm sorry, but that really is not what I meant by "getting to know yourself".
Poll So?
Character: Noyamano Rika
Series: Air Gear
Age: 22
Job: Professional Man Trainer / Pro-Wrestling Instructor (Interchangeably)
Canon: In every crazy canon, especially one that involves roller blades that can make fire and shoot lasers, there's got to be at least one voice of reason in the crowd. That one person who is just trying to live their average day-to-day life without letting themselves be dragged into the aerial turf wars and inane training sequences with accompanying montage music. In short, the sane one. Noyamano Rika is...almost that person. She's as normal as a women's pro wrestler who is willing to use her moves on her siblings can be, at least.
Despite the relative normality of her life now, Rika herself was once one of those crazies on wheels. Formerly known as the Thorn Queen, she'd been one of the select individuals who stood at the top of the AT world, but when her boyfriend was critically injured, she decided to step back from that world and continue on with her life as a single woman supporting her family. Rika's very much become the motherly figure to her siblings and the people close to her after the entire ordeal; she worries about their well being and has been shown to be willing to do anything to keep them from getting hurt. Even if it involves hurting them herself. Aside from her tendencies towards violence, Rika's a kind and warm woman with a firm sense of morals and sensibilities. She knows how to take control of a situation (mostly through fear and abuse) and can generally keep it under control, forces of shounen retard power notwithstanding.
Sample Post:
Let's get down to business.
You'll want to take hold of his arm here and wrap your other arm around here like this. Stop squirming around so much, you're making me lose my grip. Make sure you're able to stay balanced and you've got both feet planted on the ground about this far apart. Can everyone see where my hands are? Good, pay close attention to this part. Make sure to lift using your legs to avoid injury and just bend backwards like this--!
... And that, ladies, is how you get a guy to do the laundry. Or anything, really, but I've found this one to be the most effective for that particular chore. We'll pick up the lesson and the rest of this guy later after we finish off the introductions. For those of you who missed it earlier, my name is Noyamano Rika, and I'll be offering anyone who asks advice on how best to handle a man. I've got a good few years of hands-on experience dealing with all sorts of guys, so I think I've got a pretty good idea of what works for them and what doesn't. And the boy in the back who's been giggling this whole time will be the volunteer for our upcoming demonstration. Don't even think of trying to slink off in the next few minutes. I've got my eye on you.
Now, I'm sure most of you are wondering why you would even need help in handling a guy. Bat your eyelashes a few times, wiggle your hips, those are probably the tactics you've been told work all the time, right? Wrong. There's a certain kind of man who won't respond to that kind of thing, or will respond in a way you don't expect him to. You need to be able to deal with those special cases, and I'll tell you right now that the best way to do so is the same way you should be handling anything else in life. With your own two hands. And maybe your legs, if you can reach that high.
Anyway, let's get on with the demonstration. I've got a special guest here to work with our volunteer from earlier to share what she's learned over her years when it comes to dealing with men. This can probably also double as our wrestling demonstration, so make sure to pay close attention. Marcy, if you would.
... Note her use of techniques and multiple appendages to pin down her opponent. She takes care never to look away from him and makes sure he's completely disabled before moving her tentacles und-
--Whoa, wait a minute! That was not a part of the plan. Give me back the boy. Practice dummy or not, I've been responsible for his well being since the moment he was voluntold and that means not standing by while you do traumatizing things to him. Now hand him over. ... All of him. Hey, wake up, are you alright? I'm glad she didn't get any further, it looks like that was more than enough for you, huh...
Wait here. If you'll excuse me, Marcy and I have some things to talk about. Woman to woman.
Poll So?
Character: Sakata Gintoki
Series: Gintaman
Character Age: THIS IS ACTUALLY NOT CANONLY STATED with a clear age because he's mysterious like that, but he's around his late 20s. There was a huge ten-year battle that started twenty years prior to the story, and he entered maybe a few months before the whole war ended and Japan lost. Given the general age of people entering the war in the Sengoku era, he was probably in his later teens. Plus ten years, he's somewhere around 27~30.
Job: Shounen Manga Specialist
canon history omake | general age reference omake
Canon: Gintama is a touching series set in the peaceful Edo era of Japan, where swords are banned, foreign culture is welcomed by many, and people live happily. This nice setting follows the warring states period, a ten year war with aliens from outer space being waged for the freedom of Japan, wherein Japan lost and aliens took over the peaceful, rural country and quickly updated it to have all the modern facilities like casinos, indoor plumbing, radios, televisions, nudie bars, and flying cars.
...What the hell, that isn't peaceful at all! And where's the main character!? The main character!
Sorry, sorry. The main character, Sakata Gintoki-- a terribly dead-pan hero samurai that defies the forced complacent lifestyle of the modern-day Japanese samurai. But subtly. In fact, you'd barely notice it at all, since he's so goddamn lazy. And what kind of main character is borderline-diabetic because all he ever eats are ice cream sundaes, pudding, and chocolate, oi!? He runs a small freelance business with two teenage employees-- Shimura Shinpachi, a stereotype megane, and Yato Kagura, a viciously-strong China girl from another planet-- where he'll do anything for a bit of cash to go gambling and buy his weekly parfaits. He'd work harder to afford them every day if his doctor didn't tell him he could only have one a week. All he really wants is to lead a peaceful, laid-back life, free of annoying aliens trying to run your entire country and bringing monstrous destructive killer octopus creatures from remote alien planets as pets, old psychotic flaming gay friends that want nothing more than to surprise attack you from behind, and perhaps to win the jackpot at the pachinko parlor so he never has to worry about scrounging together enough money for next week's JUMP.
Sample Post: Yeah yeah, I know, no one makes Wizard of Oz jokes anymore. Geez. I'm the protagonist of a gag manga, I know that much, oi! Still, there's gotta be something witty to say about walking into a summer camp of the undead. Come on writers, I've done you good so far, haven't I? Sure, Gintama's been yo-yoing a bit, but we're still usually in the top five on the popularity polls. Help me out here! They aren't even real zombies. Real zombies start from a rare virus from another planet and have crazy thick unibrows, right? Maybe these are just zombies that are lost and confused in the rapid river that's adulthood. Go get a job, oi! Make yourselves useful! There's something out there for everyone, even zombies! Don't get down so easily! I'm sure there's plenty of other high-protein foods out there to make up for your brain problems, too. See? That was easy, now everyone can be happy. Now stop following me like sick dogs hoping for scraps, I don't have anything for you.
...Ehhhh what now? The government dogs are here too, oi! And Gori-san brought the whole family! I think I see his fiance over there. Ah, ah? What's that? I don't speak gorilla! Speak Japanese like a proper countryman, I thought you were samurai. There's a huge difference between the language of men and the language of gorillas! Hey, quit shoving, will ya? Don't you have any manners anymore? You need to go back to your mother, let her spank you a few times and box your ears, that'll refresh your memory. Yeah, that's more like it. Are you gonna show me to the proper entrance this time? Ah? And if this is really a camp, where's all the exciting activities aimed at children and adults alike, oi!
WHAT'S THIS SUPPOSED TO BE, THE PRIMORDIAL SOUP KITCHEN!? NO ONE'S GOING TO WANT TO STEP FOOT IN THAT, CANOE OR NOT! Is it bubbling!? IT'S BUBBLING!! HOW MANY BOY SCOUTS HAVE BEEN LOST TO THE CAUSE HERE?! What the-- no, get your big sweaty paws off me! Those are some hairy palms! Are you one of those types, are you? My yukata isn't a tissue, how old are you!? This is sexual harassment! Don't make me tell your mother on you--!!
Yu-- Yu-- HAKUSHO!!!
Ah!? What the hell!? At least it wasn't Hunter X Hunter... Hey, hold on, no one said there'd be a bunch of plants here, oi. I think I'm allergic to something over here. Ah!?-- is that milk?! Is milk coming out of these plants!? This is the best gift bestowed upon this earth! Thank you Gori-san! Now let's see, do any of them have strawberry milk-- or at least an ice cream plant, give me a break here.
What kind of camp are you running here, with sweaty gorillas dragging your guests around to poisonous swamps and fake zombies and plants that don't even have strawberry milk. You don't want me to live here, eh? You want manslaughter on your hands? This is samurai abuse! I'll sue you for malpractice, oi!
Poll So?
DOUBLE APP
#1
Character name: Dino Cavallone
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Age: 22
Job: Worst Security Guard Ever
Canon: KHR is your typical, run-of-the-mill series about a bunch of kids and how they're part of the mafia. You know, the usual Jump series. It follows the adventures of Sawada Tsunayoshi and his friends as they prepare to make him the next 10th Vongola boss.
But we're not here to talk about Tsuna. Meet Dino, the 10th boss of the Cavallone family. Easygoing, laid back, and friendly, Dino is the last person anyone would expect to be a mafia boss. Originally, he didn't want to be a mob boss. But with the help and training of his tutor, along with the support of his family, Dino became a suitable and dependable boss. He soon became known as the "Bucking Horse," and due to his great leadership and, to some extent, fighting skills (a whip being his weapon of choice), he fixed the Cavallone's financial troubles, bringing his family up out of the gutter, and turning them into the third most influential family. Dino is usually seen in the company of his men and his turtle, Enzio.
Unfortunately, with his great skills comes great responsibility, and Dino has become so dependent on his men, that without them....he's nothing. Stairs become his greatest enemy, his whip a danger to him and anyone (usually friends) around him, becoming a general nuisance to all.
Sample Entry:
Man, security isn't all that great here! I was able to just stroll right in, no questions asked! At least, I think I strolled in. I don't really remember how I got here. But I guess it's a good thing I arrived just in time, huh? I'm Dino, your new security guard around here. Er....whatever here is. If you have any questions about anything, feel free to ask! Just because I'm security, doesn't mean you have to be afraid of me! This here's Enzio, and he....oh man, sorry! I didn't realize you were carrying something! It's a good thing I miss--ow! Geez, who knew soda was so slippery! Hey Enzio, you okay? Enzio?
Okay, quick question, and I don't want people to freak out or anything, but has anyone seen a turtle anywhere? He's green, and he goes by the name of Enz--what's that? You think you see him at the lake? Hahahaha, are you sure it's him, because there's probably a lot of turtl--What? There's a 20 foot turtle invading the lake?
AAAAAAAH! ENZIO! GET OUT OF THE LAKE! Sorry! Didn't mean to run into you there! I swear, that root came out of nowhere! No, really, it was there one minute and........where'd it go? Anyway, sorry to talk and run, but I need to go--NO! ENZIO! STOP FIGHTING......THAT.........WHATEVER THAT IS! Don't worry everyone, I'll take care of him! Ah....sorry about that! I'm usually a lot better with this thing! I don't know what's wrong with me right now! One more ti--OW! Sorry sir! I think you dropped your arm! Hey......waitasec. What kind of place IS this?
#2
Character Name: Dino Cavallone
Series: Katekyo Hitman REBORN!
Age: 22
Job: Cool Whip Instructor
Canon: Katekyo Hitman REBORN! is a series about gay mafia that likes to see just how far it can go with making fun of itself. Just take for example the one-year-old hitman, Reborn, notorious for his unorthodox and illegal training methods, or Enzio, the pet sponge turtle (Dino's, to be specific), which can grow to be the size of the mountain depending on how much water it absorbs. It's mafia on crack with a moment or two of serious business, and Dino Cavallone makes himself at home in both situations. He's introduced as tenth boss of the third most influential family within its alliance, boasting 5,000 members and a miraculous financial recovery after facing an awful bankruptcy. He's the alleged former student of Reborn, extremely skilled when it comes to the whip, and a prime example of who you can be once you survive Reborn's training.
Dino is an honest-to-god nice guy, friendly, laidback, and kindhearted-it sort of makes you wonder why a guy like him is a mafia boss in the first place. If you ever ask him about it, he'll give you the simplest, but truest answer: he cares for his family. When times are tough, rest assured that he's got your back, but he sort of needs his family's presence to function brilliantly. Without them, he'll be the first one to trip on his own feet, crashing headfirst into walls, and generally being a danger to himself and everyone around him. It never seems to faze him, though-as a matter of fact, it's almost like a lot of things don't bother him. Maybe it's because he feels he can take care of the problems, or maybe he's just overconfident. That's never a bad thing, of course, since his heart's always in the right place-just keep his family at close distance.
Sample Entry:
Haaah-where did that come from? I didn't even see it coming! Did you happen to catch the license plate of that sign? N... nevermind if you didn't. Just-give me a minute and I'll be right with you-no, no, I'm okay. Really, I am! And you know, I've seen all sorts of crazy things in my life, but an aggressive sign-on-wheels is a first. Whoever came up with that idea probably didn't want anyone feeling really welcomed. It was lucky that it got me first, too, because god knows what might have happened if it went after you instead. You already look a little, uh... Let's just say you don't really need anyone to make a further mess of you.
You might want to get someone to look at your arm though. It looks just about ready to fall off. What did you even do to it? Another sign attack-? ... Guess the headcount has some truth to it after all, huh. Over 9000's a pretty grim number. I just didn't expect it to target anyone other than the newcomers, considering it's a welcome sign, but I guess it wouldn't want to limit itself. It did make it all the more obvious why the Director asked me to come here. So call me Dino. I'll teach you a thing or two about self-defense!
I'm... not really sure why they put me down as the 'Cool Whip Instructor,' but I really hope it's just a unique way of saying I know everything there is to know about whips. I don't know much about whipped cream, so-hey, now. Don't hand over your excuse slip just yet! If this is because you're worried that you won't get the hang of it, then let me tell you this: it's not as hard as you think. All you need is a little bit of practice, a whole lot of determination, and a really good grip. You might have a bit of trouble with the last part because of your arm and all, but we'll figure something out together.
-whoa! I-I really appreciate that you're taking the initiative, but trying to... rip my arm off isn't exactly what I had in mind! Haha... ha-ow! I hope that isn't permanent. I kinda need it to teach you, you know? So why not work with what you already have. Find a needle, some thread, and then a few stitches ought to do the trick. It's not a big deal if you can't do that right now though, because we're not doing any hands-on practice today. So just sit back, relax a little, and keep your eyes on me. What I'm about to show you right now is called a forward throw. It's all in the wrist, see. No force, no effort, just a simple flick like-gah!! O-ow... My hands slipped...! H-hey, wait a minute! Just because my arm's gone numb doesn't mean it's okay to eat it. And it's only the first day! Wouldn't you rather start with something small? Like a lock of hair, or a piece of my jacket-
Alright, alright. Tell you what, if you can stop yourself from gnawing on my arm for more than five minutes, I'll personally get you something more edible. Because if you keep doing that, then I might just end up experiencing what it's like to be really bitten to death-! And I'd rather not have that happen. Do we have a deal?
... I'll take that moan as a yes.
Poll So?