(no subject)
Second to last round! Please give it your all everyone, we're in the final stretch ♥
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character name: Nougami Neuro.
Series: Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro.
Age: Several centuries.
Job: Humble Camp Representative for the Great Investigator Yako.
Canon: Take several cups of the paranormal, a generous fisting of gratuitous bloodshed, and an Abbott & Costello's worth of slapstick comedy, then mix it all together in a Bowl of the (Questionably So) Detective Genre to get the Jump manga Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro. There are mysteries! Demons! Domestic violence! ... mystery-eating demons who enjoy domestic violence! Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro clearly has it all, and hey! It's conveniently wrapped up in just two hundred chapters of constant lulz.
The titular star of the manga, Nougami Neuro is a very clever, very cunning, very bastardly demon who has come to the human world in pursuit of his monstrous (pun intended) appetite for puzzles. These omnomnom delicious mysteries are formed when a person commits a malicious act and are consumed after Neuro uses his human partner/slave/dishrag Yako to reveal the true culprit of the crime. In order to avoid probing questions re: his dazzling powers and incredible intellect, Neuro uses Yako as a front, forcing her to play the role of a brilliant high school detective to mask Neuro's true demonic identity. To the outside world, Neuro is just her innocent, long-suffering, definitely-not-from-the-demon-world assistant... who's like seven feet tall and dresses really weird, but PFFT details.
FTR: Despite his insults against and near constant violence toward them, as the series progresses, Neuro does admit to harboring a sort of affection toward mankind. There are two things Neuro has shown actual disgust for: contrived riddles made for his benefit and the mass killing of humans. Neuro refers to his outrage as protecting his food source, but has also admitted that he finds humanity's ability to constantly evolve beyond their perceived limits as impressive.
... but still. To Neuro, this does not in any way elevate humans from being permanently several miles beneath him in every scale, shape, and way possible. Orz.
Sample Entry:
Oh ho. I have arrived in this encampment on schedule, and find I am not wholly disappointed by the mysteries currently within. I would love to report to my teacher, "this trip is already going along greatly, sensei!" But no, she cannot hear me, as teacher is currently holding a space open in the barrier for me with just her body, along with several hundred-pound weights attached to her head, as the undead attack her in every direction. So brave, my sensei. Truly, it is an incredible honor to be able to greet camp in her place. ♥
My esteemed teacher wrote a letter for me to read in place of her presence! Ignore the fact that it is in my hand-writing, I merely dictated her strong words. Bear with me, I may not be able to give justice to them. Ahem.
"To Whom It May Concern, otherwise known as those who should be very appreciative of they are not addressed as 'bipedal cockroaches greatly swayed by shiny gorilla dung,' or 'infinitely lesser beings than even the most mutated of vermin,' or 'moldy dishrags who waste their puzzle-producing potential by remaining indefinitely in a fetid swamp,'"
Well, gracious. Sensei is very cruel, isn't she? But regardless of her personality defects, she continues, "It is most definitely high time to put some purpose into your dreary lives, and what better way to achieve the highest meaning possible than to become a pawn to my esteemed self? Congratulate your pitiable ability to be held against your will, for this camp possibly holds enough mysteries to occupy even the great Highschool Detective Yako. The sense of achievement you may feel upon hearing this is nearly justified. Even as famous as I am, many of the riddles I solve could not be qualified as anything more than a "snack" for my amazing intellect. Despite the incredible potential of humanity (or maybe even because of it) I am still left unsated at the scale of the mysteries I have so far found. Being mere pawns" -- there she goes again, isn't sensei ~awful~? -- "none of you can truly comprehend a hunger for the labyrinths formed to hide a being's evil intent, but! But the good news is that even your weak minds can now be made to understand that satiating my hunger for mysteries, everyone, has just become your first and only priority."
Allow me to speak for my teacher. Sensei senses that the mystery behind the construction of this camp is... substantial. She can sense the several flavorful twists to its plot, the sweetly hidden traps lurking around every bend, and the walls to the maze are thick with a heavy ripeness that can only come with great age. With nearly two decades of time to come to fruition, this puzzle has the potential satisfy... her, of course. Murder, kidnapping, along with these things we humans identify as emotions constantly running on high -- it's an incredible maze weaved by so many different beasts. The humans behind this chaos and sheer mayhem must be very interesting beings to my reacher, considering they have been able to evolve beyond their previous limits and produce something that smells so very, very delicious...
... To sensei, of course. Ah, but she thinks that I am discussing things that your "mere minds are left picking their slug-like noses at in tiny-brained frustration." Before sensei becomes too frustrated at my dilly-dallying in explaining her motives, I will take my leave. I sincerely wish you all -- oh dear. It seems her letter carries some dangerous fumes! Hm. That faintness you're feeling -- quickly, dose some of sensei's personal vapors on your face. I can't apologize enough.
Poll Vote!
Character: Richard
Series: Looking for Group
Character Age: Several centuries at least
Job: Camp Arts And Crafts Supervisor
Canon: In all too many adventuring parties, there's that one guy who gets a kick out of being, well, evil. He kills civilians at random, disrupts the party's careful plans out of boredom, makes leather items out of adorably innocent woodland creatures and sometimes “accidentally” sets party members on fire. In Looking For Group, a webcomic which is part World of Warcraft and part fantasy tropeland, “that guy” is Richard.
An undead warlock of terrible power and many impressive titles, Richard is always ready with a darkly sarcastic quip or a fourth-wall-bending reference, no matter the situation. He takes delight in the pain of others, eats babies, and seems to accompany the party for the sheer joy of getting to kill things. But things aren't always what they seem, and Richard's irreverent, kill-happy exterior conceals a certain loyalty to his comrades (dare we say “friends”? Not within earshot, anyway!) and perhaps even a flicker of self-restraint. This is not to say that he won't set the helpless or innocent on fire for laughs, of course. Still, even a sadistic, over-the-top warlock can have some character growth, and Richard has a path to follow. Where it will lead, not even he knows.
Sample Post:
I have to say, I love what you've done with the place. Lovely ambiance, interesting wildlife, exciting vegetation, and if I still had sinuses, the smell would have cleared them. The lake adds a nice ambiance, especially at night. Very classy. I can work with this.
Unfortunately, the welcoming committee you sent met with a little...accident. You may wish to consider explaining basic concepts such as “no means no,” preferably in small words. After all, sexual harassment in the work place is a serious issue, even for those of us who no longer possess their genitals. Mine are in a jar in my backpack, actually, but nonetheless. Rest assured, however, that their heads are displayed tastefully and for maximum comic effect - just a small sample of my work, free of charge.
Speaking of my work, I'm glad to see that you hand out weapons to the inhabitants here. It's very convenient for proper arts and crafts. There are many useful items you can make with a good weapon, and I've always been a proponent of the right to bear arms. Not these, though. These are my bear arms -- they're genuine grizzly, I caught them myself. You'll have to get your own. Or someone else's, I don't care.
Unfortunately, the rest of the facilities leave something to be desired. I've taken the liberty of upgrading them slightly - no need to thank me, it's all part of the service. You can't make a decent craft project without killing a few people, after all, and it's best to have fresh ingredients. How else would you get the materials, from the world around you? What a silly idea.
Let's see...for their first project, I think I'll have them make something simple. Hats, for example. You can never go wrong with a good hat. They're stylish, fashionable and often provide useful enchantments. As an example, I present my favorite kidney hat.
Why yes, actually. It is made from real kidney.
Poll Vote!
Character: Rayfell
Series: Vassalord
Age: About 42, physically.
Job: Lecturer On Literature Involving COnsensual Needs
Canon: Welcome to the world of Vassalord, where the vampires won't lube your windows or sparkle (well, okay, they won't sparkle very much), but they will have homoerotic tension so thick you could cut it with a knife! Vassalord follows the modern-day story of the cyborg vampire Charley J. "Cherry" Krishund and playboy master Johnny Rayflo as they fight vampires for the Vatican and have super hot master-vassal feeding suckfests in the back of churches. But despite how it may sound, the vampires in Vassalord are actually quite close to the vampires in traditional myths. They require blood to survive, can turn into bats, must be invited before they can enter someone's house, and have incredible speed, strength, and healing skills.
One of the other vampires the pair encounter is Rayfell. Nearly identical to Rayflo in both looks and personality (although neither of them would ever agree with that), and has ties to his past. She's definitely a plays-by-her-own-rules type, and is something of a notorious womanizer, despite swearing time and time again that she'll be loyal to her partner, the (very) young vampire hunter, Cheryl Shane Kates. But for all that her moral code is on a slightly different track than everyone else's, she's still charming, witty, and even helpful... when she wants tobe.
Sample:
Well! Isn't this place something special. Not exactly what I was expecting, but really, what can you expect from a place called Camp Fuck You Die? I can say I expected a little less actual dying, though. I'm not exactly bothered by corpses, but the smell of you all rotting is enough to ruin a girl's appetite! Which isn't to say I don't appreciate you making the effort to come out and greet me like this. Especially you there, with the pigtails and Catholic schoolgirl uniform. If you only you were a bit fresher - sorry, I meant younger - you'd be just my type ♥ And I swear I'd only have eyes for you, even though one of yours seems to be falling out.
But I should introduce myself first, shouldn't I? You can call me Professor Rayfell~ That lovely Miss Sayre has hired me to give literature lectures on a topic quite dear to my heart. The official title's a bit wordy, but let's just say we'll be getting to know one another quite intimately over the course of my lectures. And if any of you lovely ladies require a few extra lectures, don't be shy! I may have only just arrived but, ah... Sorry, what as your name again? Oh, that's right, Aughhhhkeeeoh here has already- Oh my~ Yes, you've told me how much I dazzle you already, but that's no reason for your clothing to fly off mid-conversation. Let's save that for later, hmm? ♥
As I was saying, Aughhhhkeeeoh -oh, there you go again with the shirts. has already come to me asking for a suggested reading list. A few of my personal favorites are titles such as "Early Evening", which brings us to a discussion on the pros and cons of having informed consent from your partner before watching her sleep every night. Then there's the slightly more risque Anita Cake series, where we'll have a chance to discuss and maybe even get some hands-on experience with the more intimate needs and situations in which consent is important for. Yes, yes, I know it's said that much of the writing in the Anita Cake series is a lie, but I don't feel that such criticisms should stop us from being able to enjoy a nice long, thorough discussion on the actual subject matter.
Well, I'd love to stick around and tell you more, but I'm afraid I'm running late for private meeting with someone who I hear is in desperate need of my lessons. Could someone be so kind as to tell me where I could find a sweet young girl by the name of Miss Marcy?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Maeda Keiji
Series: Sengoku BASARA
Age: mid-late 20s
Job: Dance Instructor
Canon: Sengoku BASARA: a tale of two shounen retards. Very loosely based on the Sengoku era of Japan (1580), Sengoku BASARA follows the actions of two men in particular: Sanada Yukimura and Date Masamune. One is the clueless, hot-headed young tiger of Kai, while the other is a six-sword wielding, Engrish-speaking lord of Oshuu. Starting as super intense rivals, these two men must eventually overcome their differences to fight against Oda Nobunaga, the inhuman Demon King from the Sixth Heaven, before his darkness overtakes all of Japan. With intense anachronisms, timeline fuckery, and a cast of colorful characters, Sengoku BASARA delivers a very unique retelling of the time period.
Maeda Keiji is one of the aforementioned colorful characters, considering that he wears yellow, red and purple at the same time. Keiji is a very eccentric Kabukimono, known as the Wanderer of the Maeda clan. Because he's a wanderer, and not sworn to any lord, Keiji is able to easily fit in and forge relationships with lord, priest, and prostitute alike. Keiji is seen as strangely-mannered, as he is laid-back, casual, and playful, preferring to talk things out than to get into a fight. He'd rather sleep in the sunshine then do heavy work, but when he's forced to play a serious hand, he does try to give it his all. At heart, he's very kind and friendly, and a complete pacifist, who hates war and the despair that it brings to the land. The pending doom approaching Japan, and the threat that it poses to his family, is one thing that makes him actually start working.
Sample Entry:
When I first heard about this place, I didn't know what to expect. With such a cheerful name like "Camp Fuck You Die," it sounded like an army camp at first, all doom and gloom--the 'die' part didn't help at all. But a swamp in the middle of nowhere, with shambling remains of human beings turned out to be beyond what I could have imagined. And I thought I had seen everything! This place is going to need more than just a simple makeover to fix its image. I can lend a hand, but I've heard that for some reason gay men are better at this type of thing... which makes you kinda wonder why it hasn't been fixed up before.
I'm Maeda Keiji. I thought I would just drop by to see how this place looked, maybe get to know a few people here. Well, I've been told that's not exactly possible. Have to say that this is the first place that's been able to surprise Ol' Keiji like this. Heh, I kind of like it that way. It's nice to be surprised now and then, you know? It's more exciting that way, and keeps us on our toes. So let's 'PUT YA GUNS ON' and 'GET THE PARTY STARTED' ... is what a man I know might say.
Okay wait, no no. Leave the guns out of this. Let's do something else, instead. Something more fun... I hear sex is banned, so let's go for the next best thing- drinking! Well... maybe. Drinking is all fun and games, but a lot of the natives here have already lost eyes. And arms, and legs... I've heard of the One-Eyed Dragon, but the One-Armed Slug doesn't have quite the same ring to it. But no matter! Whether you're missing an arm or a leg, or a couple of internal organs, I can see that the fire within your heart still burns. Those that still have hearts, that is. It's too sad not to have them.
What this camp needs, I think, is a lesson in dancing. You see, while dancing can't solve all the world's problems, it can make them easier to forget. Having fun and dancing, meeting new people... that's what life is about. You shouldn't ever forget that, because when you start losing sight of the little things in life, that's not good. Trust me-- dancing can add years to your life. I know it's made me flexible enough to easily dodge the weapons of other people! Helpful stuff.
So I'll teach all of you what I know about dancing, hmm? We'll just kick back and relax, stretch our legs out. You've gotta have at least one leg to stand on, but maybe you can get some help from your friends. That's another thing that life is about, love and friendship. You think I could combine those two lessons in one, maybe? Love and dancing... it sounds good to me! Any suggestions, guys?
... mm, no. I don't think we should start with the Horizontal Tango this time, if you know what I mean.
Poll Vote!
Name: Jean-Baptiste Evan
Series: Antique Bakery (Korean Movie)
Age: Late 20s
Job: Judgy Food Judge of Judging
Canon: Antique is the story of Jin-hyuk, a wealthy man with a severe dislike of sweets who decides, perfectly logically, to open a bakery. Now, what does a man who doesn't eat sweets need to get his Antique Bakery up and running smoothly? Apparently a brilliant gay pâtissier, his brand-new, rough around the edges understudy, and a dim-witted, well-meaning bodyguard cum waiter. Despite their many differences, the four men end up working together to create one of the most successful (and delicious) bakeries in town. Nothing can go wrong, right?
That would be a big fat faux. Enter Jean-Baptiste Evan, the French mentor-slash-ex-boyfriend of the aforementioned brilliant gay pâtissier, Min Sun-woo. Visiting South Korea for business, Jean-Baptiste nonetheless speaks French to everyone and expects everyone to speak French back. Along with the language entitlement, Jean-Baptiste feels entitled to Sun-woo. His jealous, confrontational nature means that he refuses to take non as an answer, especially in response to his offer to take Sun-woo back to France, but when everything is going his way he can be charismatic, caring, and bold in his need to rub victories in the face of the loser.
Note:Sun-woo's has given permission to be mentioned.
Sample Post:
Zut alors! This place is disgusting. How could they possibly think of holding a prestigious award ceremony in smelly, stinking, squishy Louisiane. Euh, vulgaire. How can anyone have an appetite in this heat! The cakes will all fall through, it's much too humid. And how can anyone expect to judge them? All of the fondant will melt away and they'll be left with huge puddles of ruined sugar. Ridicule. No one will be able to work in these conditions. I will have to find whomever is in charge and file my complaint.
Hey! You there! Yes, you, you hulking man in a giant monkey suit. What kind of place have you taken me to, eh? This is no place to hold cake judging contests! This is ludicrous! And furthermore, my darling Sun-woo would never be in a place such as this. So, why do I hear that you are keeping him here? You are trying to take him away from me and I can't allow that! Those hands... Those hands are the only hands that can make pastries as good as mine! Not to mention what else they can do... Hey! Take that ridiculous costume off when I'm talking to you! You're making me look like a fool, and I won't stand for it! You are not even listening anyway. It's likely that an idiot such as yourself doesn't even understand French. After all, you are dressed as a monkey.
Merde. Just take me to the contest. I will get this done and then return, bringing Sun-woo back to France with me, where he belongs, and leave this disgusting place behind. There's a reason Napoleon gave you all of this, you know! It's no good. Now where is this "Marcy". What? That is not a pâtissier! That is dinner! Why is my dinner serving me dessert? This is completely unacceptable! Non! Get me out of this place at once! I won't stand for it.
Hey! What are you doing? I didn't say I'd lay down for it, either!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character name: Nougami Neuro.
Series: Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro.
Age: Several centuries.
Job: Humble Camp Representative for the Great Investigator Yako.
Canon: Take several cups of the paranormal, a generous fisting of gratuitous bloodshed, and an Abbott & Costello's worth of slapstick comedy, then mix it all together in a Bowl of the (Questionably So) Detective Genre to get the Jump manga Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro. There are mysteries! Demons! Domestic violence! ... mystery-eating demons who enjoy domestic violence! Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro clearly has it all, and hey! It's conveniently wrapped up in just two hundred chapters of constant lulz.
The titular star of the manga, Nougami Neuro is a very clever, very cunning, very bastardly demon who has come to the human world in pursuit of his monstrous (pun intended) appetite for puzzles. These omnomnom delicious mysteries are formed when a person commits a malicious act and are consumed after Neuro uses his human partner/slave/dishrag Yako to reveal the true culprit of the crime. In order to avoid probing questions re: his dazzling powers and incredible intellect, Neuro uses Yako as a front, forcing her to play the role of a brilliant high school detective to mask Neuro's true demonic identity. To the outside world, Neuro is just her innocent, long-suffering, definitely-not-from-the-demon-world assistant... who's like seven feet tall and dresses really weird, but PFFT details.
FTR: Despite his insults against and near constant violence toward them, as the series progresses, Neuro does admit to harboring a sort of affection toward mankind. There are two things Neuro has shown actual disgust for: contrived riddles made for his benefit and the mass killing of humans. Neuro refers to his outrage as protecting his food source, but has also admitted that he finds humanity's ability to constantly evolve beyond their perceived limits as impressive.
... but still. To Neuro, this does not in any way elevate humans from being permanently several miles beneath him in every scale, shape, and way possible. Orz.
Sample Entry:
Oh ho. I have arrived in this encampment on schedule, and find I am not wholly disappointed by the mysteries currently within. I would love to report to my teacher, "this trip is already going along greatly, sensei!" But no, she cannot hear me, as teacher is currently holding a space open in the barrier for me with just her body, along with several hundred-pound weights attached to her head, as the undead attack her in every direction. So brave, my sensei. Truly, it is an incredible honor to be able to greet camp in her place. ♥
My esteemed teacher wrote a letter for me to read in place of her presence! Ignore the fact that it is in my hand-writing, I merely dictated her strong words. Bear with me, I may not be able to give justice to them. Ahem.
"To Whom It May Concern, otherwise known as those who should be very appreciative of they are not addressed as 'bipedal cockroaches greatly swayed by shiny gorilla dung,' or 'infinitely lesser beings than even the most mutated of vermin,' or 'moldy dishrags who waste their puzzle-producing potential by remaining indefinitely in a fetid swamp,'"
Well, gracious. Sensei is very cruel, isn't she? But regardless of her personality defects, she continues, "It is most definitely high time to put some purpose into your dreary lives, and what better way to achieve the highest meaning possible than to become a pawn to my esteemed self? Congratulate your pitiable ability to be held against your will, for this camp possibly holds enough mysteries to occupy even the great Highschool Detective Yako. The sense of achievement you may feel upon hearing this is nearly justified. Even as famous as I am, many of the riddles I solve could not be qualified as anything more than a "snack" for my amazing intellect. Despite the incredible potential of humanity (or maybe even because of it) I am still left unsated at the scale of the mysteries I have so far found. Being mere pawns" -- there she goes again, isn't sensei ~awful~? -- "none of you can truly comprehend a hunger for the labyrinths formed to hide a being's evil intent, but! But the good news is that even your weak minds can now be made to understand that satiating my hunger for mysteries, everyone, has just become your first and only priority."
Allow me to speak for my teacher. Sensei senses that the mystery behind the construction of this camp is... substantial. She can sense the several flavorful twists to its plot, the sweetly hidden traps lurking around every bend, and the walls to the maze are thick with a heavy ripeness that can only come with great age. With nearly two decades of time to come to fruition, this puzzle has the potential satisfy... her, of course. Murder, kidnapping, along with these things we humans identify as emotions constantly running on high -- it's an incredible maze weaved by so many different beasts. The humans behind this chaos and sheer mayhem must be very interesting beings to my reacher, considering they have been able to evolve beyond their previous limits and produce something that smells so very, very delicious...
... To sensei, of course. Ah, but she thinks that I am discussing things that your "mere minds are left picking their slug-like noses at in tiny-brained frustration." Before sensei becomes too frustrated at my dilly-dallying in explaining her motives, I will take my leave. I sincerely wish you all -- oh dear. It seems her letter carries some dangerous fumes! Hm. That faintness you're feeling -- quickly, dose some of sensei's personal vapors on your face. I can't apologize enough.
Poll Vote!
Character: Richard
Series: Looking for Group
Character Age: Several centuries at least
Job: Camp Arts And Crafts Supervisor
Canon: In all too many adventuring parties, there's that one guy who gets a kick out of being, well, evil. He kills civilians at random, disrupts the party's careful plans out of boredom, makes leather items out of adorably innocent woodland creatures and sometimes “accidentally” sets party members on fire. In Looking For Group, a webcomic which is part World of Warcraft and part fantasy tropeland, “that guy” is Richard.
An undead warlock of terrible power and many impressive titles, Richard is always ready with a darkly sarcastic quip or a fourth-wall-bending reference, no matter the situation. He takes delight in the pain of others, eats babies, and seems to accompany the party for the sheer joy of getting to kill things. But things aren't always what they seem, and Richard's irreverent, kill-happy exterior conceals a certain loyalty to his comrades (dare we say “friends”? Not within earshot, anyway!) and perhaps even a flicker of self-restraint. This is not to say that he won't set the helpless or innocent on fire for laughs, of course. Still, even a sadistic, over-the-top warlock can have some character growth, and Richard has a path to follow. Where it will lead, not even he knows.
Sample Post:
I have to say, I love what you've done with the place. Lovely ambiance, interesting wildlife, exciting vegetation, and if I still had sinuses, the smell would have cleared them. The lake adds a nice ambiance, especially at night. Very classy. I can work with this.
Unfortunately, the welcoming committee you sent met with a little...accident. You may wish to consider explaining basic concepts such as “no means no,” preferably in small words. After all, sexual harassment in the work place is a serious issue, even for those of us who no longer possess their genitals. Mine are in a jar in my backpack, actually, but nonetheless. Rest assured, however, that their heads are displayed tastefully and for maximum comic effect - just a small sample of my work, free of charge.
Speaking of my work, I'm glad to see that you hand out weapons to the inhabitants here. It's very convenient for proper arts and crafts. There are many useful items you can make with a good weapon, and I've always been a proponent of the right to bear arms. Not these, though. These are my bear arms -- they're genuine grizzly, I caught them myself. You'll have to get your own. Or someone else's, I don't care.
Unfortunately, the rest of the facilities leave something to be desired. I've taken the liberty of upgrading them slightly - no need to thank me, it's all part of the service. You can't make a decent craft project without killing a few people, after all, and it's best to have fresh ingredients. How else would you get the materials, from the world around you? What a silly idea.
Let's see...for their first project, I think I'll have them make something simple. Hats, for example. You can never go wrong with a good hat. They're stylish, fashionable and often provide useful enchantments. As an example, I present my favorite kidney hat.
Why yes, actually. It is made from real kidney.
Poll Vote!
Character: Rayfell
Series: Vassalord
Age: About 42, physically.
Job: Lecturer On Literature Involving COnsensual Needs
Canon: Welcome to the world of Vassalord, where the vampires won't lube your windows or sparkle (well, okay, they won't sparkle very much), but they will have homoerotic tension so thick you could cut it with a knife! Vassalord follows the modern-day story of the cyborg vampire Charley J. "Cherry" Krishund and playboy master Johnny Rayflo as they fight vampires for the Vatican and have super hot master-vassal feeding suckfests in the back of churches. But despite how it may sound, the vampires in Vassalord are actually quite close to the vampires in traditional myths. They require blood to survive, can turn into bats, must be invited before they can enter someone's house, and have incredible speed, strength, and healing skills.
One of the other vampires the pair encounter is Rayfell. Nearly identical to Rayflo in both looks and personality (although neither of them would ever agree with that), and has ties to his past. She's definitely a plays-by-her-own-rules type, and is something of a notorious womanizer, despite swearing time and time again that she'll be loyal to her partner, the (very) young vampire hunter, Cheryl Shane Kates. But for all that her moral code is on a slightly different track than everyone else's, she's still charming, witty, and even helpful... when she wants tobe.
Sample:
Well! Isn't this place something special. Not exactly what I was expecting, but really, what can you expect from a place called Camp Fuck You Die? I can say I expected a little less actual dying, though. I'm not exactly bothered by corpses, but the smell of you all rotting is enough to ruin a girl's appetite! Which isn't to say I don't appreciate you making the effort to come out and greet me like this. Especially you there, with the pigtails and Catholic schoolgirl uniform. If you only you were a bit fresher - sorry, I meant younger - you'd be just my type ♥ And I swear I'd only have eyes for you, even though one of yours seems to be falling out.
But I should introduce myself first, shouldn't I? You can call me Professor Rayfell~ That lovely Miss Sayre has hired me to give literature lectures on a topic quite dear to my heart. The official title's a bit wordy, but let's just say we'll be getting to know one another quite intimately over the course of my lectures. And if any of you lovely ladies require a few extra lectures, don't be shy! I may have only just arrived but, ah... Sorry, what as your name again? Oh, that's right, Aughhhhkeeeoh here has already- Oh my~ Yes, you've told me how much I dazzle you already, but that's no reason for your clothing to fly off mid-conversation. Let's save that for later, hmm? ♥
As I was saying, Aughhhhkeeeoh -oh, there you go again with the shirts. has already come to me asking for a suggested reading list. A few of my personal favorites are titles such as "Early Evening", which brings us to a discussion on the pros and cons of having informed consent from your partner before watching her sleep every night. Then there's the slightly more risque Anita Cake series, where we'll have a chance to discuss and maybe even get some hands-on experience with the more intimate needs and situations in which consent is important for. Yes, yes, I know it's said that much of the writing in the Anita Cake series is a lie, but I don't feel that such criticisms should stop us from being able to enjoy a nice long, thorough discussion on the actual subject matter.
Well, I'd love to stick around and tell you more, but I'm afraid I'm running late for private meeting with someone who I hear is in desperate need of my lessons. Could someone be so kind as to tell me where I could find a sweet young girl by the name of Miss Marcy?
Poll Vote!
Character name: Maeda Keiji
Series: Sengoku BASARA
Age: mid-late 20s
Job: Dance Instructor
Canon: Sengoku BASARA: a tale of two shounen retards. Very loosely based on the Sengoku era of Japan (1580), Sengoku BASARA follows the actions of two men in particular: Sanada Yukimura and Date Masamune. One is the clueless, hot-headed young tiger of Kai, while the other is a six-sword wielding, Engrish-speaking lord of Oshuu. Starting as super intense rivals, these two men must eventually overcome their differences to fight against Oda Nobunaga, the inhuman Demon King from the Sixth Heaven, before his darkness overtakes all of Japan. With intense anachronisms, timeline fuckery, and a cast of colorful characters, Sengoku BASARA delivers a very unique retelling of the time period.
Maeda Keiji is one of the aforementioned colorful characters, considering that he wears yellow, red and purple at the same time. Keiji is a very eccentric Kabukimono, known as the Wanderer of the Maeda clan. Because he's a wanderer, and not sworn to any lord, Keiji is able to easily fit in and forge relationships with lord, priest, and prostitute alike. Keiji is seen as strangely-mannered, as he is laid-back, casual, and playful, preferring to talk things out than to get into a fight. He'd rather sleep in the sunshine then do heavy work, but when he's forced to play a serious hand, he does try to give it his all. At heart, he's very kind and friendly, and a complete pacifist, who hates war and the despair that it brings to the land. The pending doom approaching Japan, and the threat that it poses to his family, is one thing that makes him actually start working.
Sample Entry:
When I first heard about this place, I didn't know what to expect. With such a cheerful name like "Camp Fuck You Die," it sounded like an army camp at first, all doom and gloom--the 'die' part didn't help at all. But a swamp in the middle of nowhere, with shambling remains of human beings turned out to be beyond what I could have imagined. And I thought I had seen everything! This place is going to need more than just a simple makeover to fix its image. I can lend a hand, but I've heard that for some reason gay men are better at this type of thing... which makes you kinda wonder why it hasn't been fixed up before.
I'm Maeda Keiji. I thought I would just drop by to see how this place looked, maybe get to know a few people here. Well, I've been told that's not exactly possible. Have to say that this is the first place that's been able to surprise Ol' Keiji like this. Heh, I kind of like it that way. It's nice to be surprised now and then, you know? It's more exciting that way, and keeps us on our toes. So let's 'PUT YA GUNS ON' and 'GET THE PARTY STARTED' ... is what a man I know might say.
Okay wait, no no. Leave the guns out of this. Let's do something else, instead. Something more fun... I hear sex is banned, so let's go for the next best thing- drinking! Well... maybe. Drinking is all fun and games, but a lot of the natives here have already lost eyes. And arms, and legs... I've heard of the One-Eyed Dragon, but the One-Armed Slug doesn't have quite the same ring to it. But no matter! Whether you're missing an arm or a leg, or a couple of internal organs, I can see that the fire within your heart still burns. Those that still have hearts, that is. It's too sad not to have them.
What this camp needs, I think, is a lesson in dancing. You see, while dancing can't solve all the world's problems, it can make them easier to forget. Having fun and dancing, meeting new people... that's what life is about. You shouldn't ever forget that, because when you start losing sight of the little things in life, that's not good. Trust me-- dancing can add years to your life. I know it's made me flexible enough to easily dodge the weapons of other people! Helpful stuff.
So I'll teach all of you what I know about dancing, hmm? We'll just kick back and relax, stretch our legs out. You've gotta have at least one leg to stand on, but maybe you can get some help from your friends. That's another thing that life is about, love and friendship. You think I could combine those two lessons in one, maybe? Love and dancing... it sounds good to me! Any suggestions, guys?
... mm, no. I don't think we should start with the Horizontal Tango this time, if you know what I mean.
Poll Vote!
Name: Jean-Baptiste Evan
Series: Antique Bakery (Korean Movie)
Age: Late 20s
Job: Judgy Food Judge of Judging
Canon: Antique is the story of Jin-hyuk, a wealthy man with a severe dislike of sweets who decides, perfectly logically, to open a bakery. Now, what does a man who doesn't eat sweets need to get his Antique Bakery up and running smoothly? Apparently a brilliant gay pâtissier, his brand-new, rough around the edges understudy, and a dim-witted, well-meaning bodyguard cum waiter. Despite their many differences, the four men end up working together to create one of the most successful (and delicious) bakeries in town. Nothing can go wrong, right?
That would be a big fat faux. Enter Jean-Baptiste Evan, the French mentor-slash-ex-boyfriend of the aforementioned brilliant gay pâtissier, Min Sun-woo. Visiting South Korea for business, Jean-Baptiste nonetheless speaks French to everyone and expects everyone to speak French back. Along with the language entitlement, Jean-Baptiste feels entitled to Sun-woo. His jealous, confrontational nature means that he refuses to take non as an answer, especially in response to his offer to take Sun-woo back to France, but when everything is going his way he can be charismatic, caring, and bold in his need to rub victories in the face of the loser.
Note:Sun-woo's has given permission to be mentioned.
Sample Post:
Zut alors! This place is disgusting. How could they possibly think of holding a prestigious award ceremony in smelly, stinking, squishy Louisiane. Euh, vulgaire. How can anyone have an appetite in this heat! The cakes will all fall through, it's much too humid. And how can anyone expect to judge them? All of the fondant will melt away and they'll be left with huge puddles of ruined sugar. Ridicule. No one will be able to work in these conditions. I will have to find whomever is in charge and file my complaint.
Hey! You there! Yes, you, you hulking man in a giant monkey suit. What kind of place have you taken me to, eh? This is no place to hold cake judging contests! This is ludicrous! And furthermore, my darling Sun-woo would never be in a place such as this. So, why do I hear that you are keeping him here? You are trying to take him away from me and I can't allow that! Those hands... Those hands are the only hands that can make pastries as good as mine! Not to mention what else they can do... Hey! Take that ridiculous costume off when I'm talking to you! You're making me look like a fool, and I won't stand for it! You are not even listening anyway. It's likely that an idiot such as yourself doesn't even understand French. After all, you are dressed as a monkey.
Merde. Just take me to the contest. I will get this done and then return, bringing Sun-woo back to France with me, where he belongs, and leave this disgusting place behind. There's a reason Napoleon gave you all of this, you know! It's no good. Now where is this "Marcy". What? That is not a pâtissier! That is dinner! Why is my dinner serving me dessert? This is completely unacceptable! Non! Get me out of this place at once! I won't stand for it.
Hey! What are you doing? I didn't say I'd lay down for it, either!
Poll Vote!