(Untitled)

[verydurable]

[today in the messhall, the following items have been lined up on a table:

hand lotion

vaseline

extra-virgin olive oil

mayonaise

window cleaner

Comments

[burgercraving]

I would've guessed you're a bear right off.

[verydurable]

Uh . . . look, I've lost a lot of blood the past couple of days . . .

[burgercraving]

Ugh, fine. Your loss.

[painintheneck]

Rude of you.

[burgercraving]

What, your gaydar isn't going off?

[painintheneck]

Here? Constantly.

[burgercraving]

With him.

[painintheneck]

Definitely. But that doesn't make what you said less rude. You should try being a little more charming.

[burgercraving]

And not keep it real? Come on. This is a lot more fun.

[painintheneck]

Well, I can't say that isn't true.

[burgercraving]

I know you're kind of like my mom now-still creepy, by the way-but you really don't need to play morality police with me. It's exhausting.

[painintheneck]

It was just a suggestion. You get more out of people that way.

[burgercraving]

I'm nice when it's worth it, and right now, Mr. Tiger Bear over here? Ain't ever gonna be giving me what I want.

[painintheneck]

Not hungry tonight?

[burgercraving]

... I'm always hungry.

But I might get facial hair stuck in my teeth. He has a neck beard.

[painintheneck]

[looking over and making a face like "ew, he does" but then turning back to Santana to impart some VAMPIRE WISDOM]

You don't have to feed from the neck. There are other places.