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[calliopealive]

I never know what to say anymore. I've had this underlying gloom surrounding me for awhile now and sometimes I can push it down, swallow the grief and remember the optimist I used to be but most days I want to curl up on the couch and not do anything. I'm exhausted keeping in the things I refuse to talk about. Exhausted, ashamed and not too

Comments

[butterandguns]

I appreciate you being honest about where you are and I am excited to see the changes you will make! You rock!

[calliopealive]

Thanks, E. I'm kind of excited too.

[sugarlungs]

you're missed around these parts. you'll figure it out. ♥

[calliopealive]

I looked at my archives and wrote only 1 or 2 entries all of last year. I hate that, and it's going to change.

[cage_this]

I've missed your updates. I doubt anyone would judge you for letting out the things you're afraid to talk about, and if they do, they shouldn't be here ♥

[calliopealive]

It's not that I think anyone here would judge me, it's admitting them to myself. It's like they aren't really real until I write them down. That's what I'm terrified of.

[cage_this]

I can understand that. I've felt the same way about a few things in the past, but I've always found that it's not worth it - hiding things from myself is like voluntarily ingesting poison, and what it does to my body, my mind, is never better than just simply letting it out. At least, once you've faced your demons, you're free to move forward.

[calliopealive]

I used to crave routine, and now I am craving instability. When did I become so rooted, so afraid to shake things up? Something big is happening, and I think I only have partial control of it. I can't lie, I'm doing things differently and excited to see where all the pieces fall together.

[littlemoons]

i hope one of those days/nights where we spend time together happens soon. it seems that we both need to vent some things aloud face-to-face with someone.