Suddenly I see 1/1
TITLE: Suddenly I see. 1/1
AUTHOR: Neolithicdream
PAIRING: Callie & Arizona
RATING: PG 13
SUMMARY: As the last episode was Callie hallucinating and not the real Callie we still need to see real Callie realising just what she has with Arizona and why things need to change.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Calzona or any of the characters mentioned in this fic. They are the property of Shonda Rhimes/ ABC etc... This fic is purely written for enjoyment and without intent or prospect of profit. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N I just needed to get this out of my system because my muse has deserted me. I really didn’t like how only Karev seemed to remember Arizona in the episode(which was I think deliberate on Shondas part to show her isolation) so here goes.
A/N I belatedly realised I used the same fic title here as an awesome fic by the equally awesome kennedysbitch! oops but her fic should be checked out cause its super!
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“Arizona?”
“What, honey?” Arizona smiled, her smile still teetering on the brink of tears; still; after all these hours and even days had passed, since the danger had passed, since Calliope had woken up, since she could smile again.
“How is Mark holding up? Is he okay?” She saw her girlfriend’s expression change for just a nano- second before it disappeared, hidden by a smile.
“He’s fine, honey, he’s fine.”
“Cause all of this will be so hard on him, I want to make sure he’s okay...he’s not like you, you’re strong, you, I think you can handle anything, but Mark...”
She saw the way Arizona momentarily bit down on her bottom lip before replying that Mark was fine, that Addison was with him and their daughter in the NICU. She knew that the biting of the bottom lip meant one of two things with Arizona - either she was annoyed at Callie for worrying about Mark, that petty jealousy still there or she was nervous. Oh god, did she say something to Mark that she knows I’ll be angry about? Or was it a bit of both?
“Did you two fight?”
“What? Uh, no, no we’re fine, we’re all okay. You’re alive and our baby is alive and Mark and I...we’re okay, more than okay, we’re parents now. It’s okay.”
“Were you guys fighting when I was out?”
“Honey...we both wanted the exact same thing, you and the baby to live, that’s all. Okay?”
“Ok, I know all of this has been hard for you and I love you and I can’t wait to see our baby and be your wife and...I just want everything to be perfect. Can you maybe go get him for me...maybe you can spend some time with the baby while me and him can talk? I want to make sure he’s okay.”
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“Did you notice that, Miranda?”
“Did I notice what Torres?”
“Arizona. W- what am I going to do with her? I mean, after everything that’s happened, the accident and me and the baby, and for god sake, I just agreed to marry her and SHES STILL JEALOUS! I mean that’s just messed up, and I love her, I do but this will destroy us if she doesn’t let it go?”
“Um, well, now I’m not going to get messed up in your personal business, now, ya...”
“Was she fighting with him, when I was out? Did she try to sideline him because...ya know what’s ironic...he doesn’t do it to her... well maybe a little since I’ve been pregnant...but mostly he’s really supportive of my relationship with her...while she, well she...I don’t know what to do, I love her but Marks a huge part of my life and if she still can’t handle that...”
Dr. Miranda Bailey stood and listened as her good friend talked, in a stream of consciousness, about Sloan and Robbins. Bailey had been present for a great deal of the unpleasant interaction between the two in the previous days and she wondered would Torres think differently if she knew exactly what had been said. Still she was not getting involved in that threesomes business. She had managed to avoid saying anything during the pregnancy, even during the bickering between the three parents, bickering that had become legendary in the halls of SGMW.
It had been nearly impossible to avoid the gossip. People had taken sides, some saying really that if Robbins was Torres girlfriend fine but when it came to the baby she should keep out of it - not her business, it was her girlfriends baby not hers. Others thought she was mad to stick around, saying how would she feel next time Torres decided to have another Sloan baby. Others thought she was pretty amazing to stick around and that it was Sloan with his always loud “I’m the father” bleatings that was the problem.
Bailey for her part had wondered what the whole mess was doing to Torres, with whom, of the three, she was closest. She had never a great deal to do with Sloan, and seemed one of the few straight women in the hospital completely impervious to his charms. He always seemed a bit more adolescent than adult to her but he was a damn fine surgeon.
Robbins was once her mentor and they had the beginnings of a friendship. Still, she felt about her the way a lot of people in the hospital did after she left for Africa; she just didn’t know her, the perky sunshine filled Peds surgeon they thought they knew didn’t seem to equate with the woman who dumped her lover callously in an Airport. Nor did it equate with the woman who returned from Africa; a more subdued woman, one who seemed to have shrunk just a little and continued to do so in the months that followed. Now Bailey realised that, for the first time, she was wondering what this whole mess had been doing to Robbins.
She wondered if she should tell Callie the details of what had gone on while she was unconscious, while so many of her colleagues had worked to keep her alive. Then again Robbins had said nothing so it wasn’t her place to do so either.
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“Mark, you look tired.”
“You gave me one hell of a fright, Torres, don’t you ever go doing that again. You’re my family, you and our baby girl. And she’s gorgeous; just wait till you see her.”
Callie smiled at her best friend, knowing what he must have gone through, knowing how he’s been all in from the first moment she told him, without hesitation, he was in.
“We’re getting married, she asked and I said yes”
“OH, oh, you said yes? Maybe you shouldn’t be making big decisions like that after everything you’ve just been through. I mean I know you love her but you need to be sure”
“Mark? You know how I feel about Arizona; how I’ve wanted this, do you really think I shouldn’t have...wait did something happen between you too? Something I should know about?”
“What did Blondie say?” Mark asked gruffly.
“Mark, I’m asking you. Please you are my friend.”
“She called me a glorified sperm donor...you’re lying in the OR and all she’s worried about is that we slept together. She just can’t let it go. And I was trying to get her to make a rational decision about your treatment and she’s too busy scoring points to even acknowledge that I’M the father. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you... she was worried and in the end she did help save our baby, just forget I said anything.”
“No, Mark, she shouldn’t have...don’t defend her.
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Even though she had made a miraculous recovery Callie was not of the woods yet so Miranda Bailey as her main Doctor now that she was in recovery had assigned a resident to be with her at all times.
April Kepner was somewhat of an outsider still at SGMW. It wasn’t that she had been a Mercy Wester, or that she had lost her best friend, Reed Adamson, less than a year ago in the shooting. Well that was part of it but it was also because she was a little shy and when it came to interacting with her fellow Doctors and especially her attendings she wasn’t always entirely confident. She knew that this meant to some people she was aloof. It also meant that sometimes people didn’t notice her standing there in the background which in turn meant she sometimes overheard things she shouldn’t.
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“I need you to tell me the truth, Arizona, about what happened between you and Mark.”
“Nothing, we’re fine, honestly stop worrying about it.
“He told me.”
“He told you?” Arizona didn’t dare hope that Mark had actually told Callie what he had said. If he did then she could maybe believe that his apology was real and maybe they’d have some foundation to build on.
“Yes, now I need you to tell me.”
“Look we were both so worried and we were disagreeing about the best course of action for you and the baby and things got heated and...None of it matters”
“But calling him just the sperm donor, Arizona that was way out of line! I get that you both wanted what’s best for both of us but Arizona you have to stop this. I love you, but I need you to be fair to Mark, please for me?”
Arizona was quiet very quiet for a long time. She wanted to tell Callie everything, all the hurtful words that Mark had said to her, how he hadn’t cared about the baby just Callie but she knew she had been wrong in her words too. She just didn’t think she had been as wrong as Mark. But she couldn’t tell Callie because it would only cause stress which her body didn’t need right now. Maybe when she was better or maybe not; she wasn’t sure she could bear it if she told Caliie everything and she still sided with or defended Mark. After all she always did, would it be any different now. Now when Marks rights were copper fastened in law. Before he technically had no greater say than Arizona had; until the baby was born they were both “nothing” even if his “I’m the father” routine had clearly resonated with all their colleagues. But now he really was the father and she was still nothing.
That’s clearly how everyone saw her, well except Callie and she had to stop feeling sorry for herself because Callie was all that mattered. Callie loved her and wanted to be her wife and she was alive and so was their baby. And she was a Mom even if not everyone saw it that way.
She never ever remembered feeling as lonely as she did in her own hospital only a few days ago. She knew her friends and colleagues were trying to save Callies life and she wasn’t expecting them to dwell on the niceties of her situation while Callie had been flat lining but still she had never been so alone. It was as if she had been invisible, up there in that gallery.
The intercom had been on so she watched Derek Shepherd operate on her beloved’s brain and as he glanced at the gallery it was clear he wasn’t looking for her. She heard him send Lexie to look after Sloan and that was ok but he didn’t even seem to notice her. Then again since when do people notice “nothing”?
She would never have imagined that first time she encountered a pompous 2nd year know it all resident with the personality and demeanour of a street thug that he would be the one. The only one to see her, the only one to hold her together, to fix her and check on her the only to say “your” girl will be ok and “your” baby will be too. If it hadn’t been for him she didn’t know if she would have made it through. Then again Alex Karev had been treated like “nothing” all his life - maybe he just recognised “nothing” when he saw it
“Mark told you I said that? What else did he say?”
“Arizona, please don’t tell me there’s more...what else did you say to him? I know, no I can’t really imagine how worried you must have been, but can you imagine how worried he must have been about his baby.”
“I know he’s the father, everyone knows he’s the father! And he shouldn’t have said it to you, not at least until you’re better.”
“Arizona, he didn’t mean to, but I’m glad he did. He was just worried that I shouldn’t be making big decisions right now and he’s worried about his status and that you’ll undermine him if, I mean once we get married. I want you to apologise to him.”
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“Chief, can I have a word?
“Sure Robbins...if this is about needing time off to be with Torres and the baby, that’s not a problem, tell me what you need.”
“Thanks Chief but it’s as easy if I keep working right now because they’re both here. But once they’re at home I want to take as much leave as I can. It was something else I needed to talk to you about. I was wondering if you could get Stark to ease up on the rules for me when it comes to me seeing my daughter.”
“The rules?”
“Yeah, while I’m on shift it’s not a problem I can be with her as a Doctor but when I’m not Stark is enforcing the only parents and next of kin rule and ah, well, to him, I’m kind of not anything.”
“Can’t you get Torres to sign a consent or Sloan, it would look better than the Chief interfering - would give you more rights when you’re in there too.”
“I really don’t want to upset Callie with this right now and, ehm, it’s a bit complicated with Sloan.”
Arizona didn’t want to tell the Chief, that since her last conversation with Callie, she wasn’t sure if she could trust herself to talk to Sloan without showing him just how well the daughter of a marine could hit.
“He wouldn’t consent?”
Arizona sighed “No, he probably would but I’d really rather not to have to ask him right now.”
“Ahh”
Chief Webber had heard some, and heard about the rest, of the screaming matches between the two Doctors while Callie was fighting for her life. He also felt a little guilty in retrospect of how Robbins, one of his best “Men” had been neglected during the entire saga. Generally speaking Robbins was just one of those Doctors he didn’t have to worry about. She was a great surgeon and while she had been Head of Peds the place had been run with military precision and yet she had managed to instil a sense or respect and loyalty in her staff that was a rare thing in his hospital. She didn’t have to worry about her rampant ego butting heads with other surgeons like he did with Shepherd or even Altman at times or worry, as he did constantly, about a sexual harassment suit being filed against Sloan. No Robbins was a bit like Bailey, she got on with her job, did it excellently and yet was more than capable of standing up for herself if needs be.
Or at least she had been. Apart from when she first came back from Africa, the day of the college shooting, she had been different. Maybe it was working under Stark, maybe it was regret about coming back from Malawi at all or maybe it was her peculiar situation with Torres and Sloan but one way or another she had been just that little bit subdued since her return. She was still a fine surgeon but just a bit muted. Well apart from in her rows with Sloan.
Richard Webber wished he had handled Robbins a little better when Callie came in. In fact no-one had even bothered to check on her injuries until well into Callie’s first trip to the OR. Now he remembered her being almost knocked out of the way by Hunt at the ambulance bay and forgotten about as they loaded Callie into the elevator once she had stabilised. He himself had called Torres and the Baby Sloans ”family” before the two women had even arrived but when Arizona Robbins stood there in the hallway, blood still dripping from her wounds, watching her girlfriend, being wheeled away he had ignored her, he thinks they all did. Now he could look back and see the lost look on her face and he knew that he, as her Chief, had let her down, and by god, he wasn’t going to let that happen again.
“Robbins” he said gently, whatever you need from me you have it. I’ll talk to Stark and if you have any problems with him or Sloan you come to me. You’re probably right, Torres, doesn’t need any hassle right now.”
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April Kepner bit her tongue. Again and Again. She wanted to scream at Dr.Torres but that would have been a bad thing to do considering she was still in recovery from life threatening injuries.
She wanted to shake Dr. Robbins and make her tell Torres what Sloan had said.
She wanted to kick Mark Sloan so hard in the balls that he would never be able to make good on his words from a few days ago to ”screw Torres again to make another baby if this one died”
But she wasn’t their friend and it wasn’t her place.
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“Hey Torres, looking good.”
“Hey, Karev.”
“I’m worried about your girlfriend.”
“What? Arizona? My fiancée.” Callie said with a smile...”but what, Arizona was here a few minutes ago and she’s fine...”
“She’s been here since the accident and she’s barely functioning and like that day was not easy for her. Sloan had all the support and she had none and Starks giving her a hard time about visiting the baby cause she’s not ,ya know, family and...”
“That ass! But I mean I can sign a consent or Mark can...why didn’t she say anything to Mark.”
“I guess after what went down between them...”
“But she’s going to apologise for that and Mark wouldn’t...he knows she’s the mom too”
“What, why would she be apologising, Sloans the ass.”
“What?”
He’s the one going “I’m the father blah blah and she’s the one trying to save the baby and he’s all who cares about the baby...telling her she’s nothing...who does he think he is...she’s a hundred times, no a thousand times what he is and...If he’s right and you two would just screw again to make another baby then you don’t deserve her and...”
“Whoa...stop...start from the top...why don’t I know about this?”
Alex shrugged... suddenly aware that Callie had been completely unaware and worse aware that if Robbins hadn’t told her then she’d be royally pissed at him for blabbing!
“Well, you should really get April to tell you, she was here for most of it I only got the “You are nothing “part so I’ll be off now.”
So April Kepner, after only a little persuasion, recounted what had been said by both of the Peds Surgeon and the Plastics Guru. She was as fair as she knew how to be.
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There had to be some kind of mistake, Mark would never be that unkind to Arizona and if he said any of those things well Arizona would waste no time standing up for herself, wouldn’t she?
And Karev, well he didn’t like Mark and ...but why would Kepner say those things if Mark hadn’t said them...and what did Karev mean when he said Sloan had all the support and Arizona had none...that’s crazy...everyone knows Arizona’s my girlfriend and...
Callie Torres didn’t understand any of this but she knew someone who could explain it to her.
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“Bailey, what happened when I was brought in from the scene? Who stayed with Mark and Arizona when I was being worked on?”
Lexie stayed with Mark and...well...”
“Who took care of Arizona? Bailey...who took care of Arizona?”
“Torres, it was all hands on deck and we were focused on you and the baby and Shepherd was worried about how Mark was holding up, ya know, seeing his family on an OR table so he sent Lexie to watch him, make sure he was Ok. And well Arizona was in the gallery”
“Who did he send to look after Arizona? I’m not Marks family, Bailey, I’m his friend, Arizona’s my family and the baby...who took care of my Arizona?”
Miranda Bailey took a deep breath. How would she tell Torres that the reality was that they didn’t think about Arizona at all. Even Shepherd after Torres had been stabilised had treated Sloan as the primary next of kin - even though in reality he had no greater right to be called that than Arizona. Neither were her next of kin, her parents were that and they weren’t there. So in their absence they turned to the person she seemed closest too, her best friend and what did she call him all the time, oh yeah, her “baby daddy”.
It wasn’t possible to ignore Sloans connection with the baby...he was always there calling himself the father and Robbins, well, she had no actual connection with the baby...and her place in Torres life...well obviously they were together...but it just wasn’t clear to the outside world what exactly that meant...not since she had come back from Malawi.
And that was when it hit her - those words Robbins had said repeatedly as if in a daze, and now that she had thought about it, of course Robbins was in a daze. Those words “I asked her to marry me...”, “I asked her to marry me...” And yet they had treated her like she wasn’t really there...they had forgotten about her.
“You left her alone? All of you? Don’t you know she’s my everything?
“Well, eventually Karev, he took care of her in the end. But, no, I guess we didn’t know.”
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In the end Callie heard it all; from Karev, Kepner, Bailey, a passing nurse or two. Arizona had been treated like an afterthought; Mark had taken centre stage. Why? Because they’d had sex out of loneliness a few times and were too stupid to use precautions? Arizona, with whom she’d spent the best part of the last two years, sleeping with her, making love, making plans, breaking up and making up; Arizona who had every reason to walk away and only love as a reason to stay had chosen to stay; just like Mark she had chosen to be “all in” but unlike Mark she had chosen to stay even though it wasn’t her dream; even though she had given up her dream to come back to her; Arizona had been pushed aside as if she was nothing.
How could their friends and colleagues do that? How could they not know that she would choose Arizona over Mark; that she would want Arizona to be looked after; how could they not know?
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Suddenly she could see.
How could she have not seen, not known? How could she have been so blind as to ever doubt Arizona was “all in”? If she hadn’t seen it; known it; acted it - then was it any wonder how their friends and colleagues had acted?
By all accounts it was Arizona who fought for the best interests of their baby, not Mark. It was Arizona who knew her best, who knew that she would have wanted them to do what was best for their baby. It was Arizona who fought for their baby even though if the baby had survived and she had not then Arizona would be left with nothing.
How could she have been so blind? Mark was her friend, a good friend but the friend that she behaved badly with, the friend with whom she could still be an immature adolescent.
But Arizona wasn’t just her girlfriend, or now fiancée .No she was more than that. She was the person that made her feel all grown-up; that made her feel like a mature responsible adult so much so that she wanted to have babies with her. Arizona was the one that made her want to be a mother. Sure her and Mark could muddle through but Callie knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that with Arizona she could be a great mother.
No, Arizona Robbins wasn’t just her lover, her fiancée; she was her best friend and if Callie Torres had anything to do with it she would soon be her wife. And she would make sure the whole world knew that too.