Morning Commute Chapter 9
Callie’s POV
It’s the day after the bar incident, and I am feeling bad about everything that happened last night. I feel a little bit hazy on the logistics of why Arizona was upset, but I know that she was; and I know that it had something to do with Mark and me.
In truth, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to be intimate with Mark since even before the night Arizona broke down crying. I need to tell Arizona that on my end, it’s only her.
So I decide to bring her lunch. I head over to her hospital and navigate my way to the Peds ward. I see her standing near the nurses’ station, her back to me, and I take a moment to admire her in her surroundings.
(She looks outrageously hot in her scrubs, by the way).
I wait for her to notice me as she engages in conversation with one of the peds nurses. I am just close enough to hear her voice, but not close enough (apparently) to be detected.
And I don’t want to be upset about what happens next, I really don’t. The last thing on earth I want is to become the jealous type. And that's precisely why I wish I hadn't overheard Arizona flirting with the peds nurse, being asked out by the peds nurse. Saying yes to the peds nurse.
How could I help feeling crushed? Did I even have the right? Sure, we had decided that we weren’t exclusive, but hadn’t that changed?
After the nurse had resumed her duties (didn’t she have a job to do?) it was another moment before Arizona turned around to see me.
“Calliope!” she said, her face the picture of surprise. But not the kind of surprise like I had just caught her doing something wrong; the kind that said she was glad to see me. (Girls were always so fucking confusing).
“What are you doing here?” she asks, hugging me hello. I am stiff and unyielding and as she pulls away I lift the paper takeout bag into her view.
“Just wanted to drop off some lunch,” I say. But now I want to take this lunch, find a private room to lock myself in, and cry as I binge eat the whole bag. Alas, pride is too stubborn a bitch.
At first, she looks pleased, until eventually she cocks her head to the side and studies my face.
"Hey," she said, touching my shoulder. "What's wrong?"
"Uh, I'm mad at you," I blurt out, annoyed that it took her a full 1.5 minutes to catch on, and that the reason for this detachment was probably her date.
"You're mad at me?" she asked, taken aback. "What did I do?"
"Oh Julie, what strong hands you have!" I mocked in a singsong voice, contorting something I'd heard earlier.
"Hah!" Arizona smirked in disbelief, her eyebrows raised. "Okay Calliope,” she says, as though she is agreeing with a child who has just said something absurd but will not stand to be corrected.
"Okay what? You know it's true." And I realize now that perhaps I do sound a bit childish.
"What are you, spying on me?" Arizona retorted.
“If you did your damn job instead of hitting on your nurses, than I’d have no reason to spy on you, would I?” I meant this to hurt her, and it did. And now I hate myself a little bit.
Arizona looked as though she had been slapped. She turned and walked away, and I immediately felt remorseful. She stalked off towards her office, her heels clicking against the tile floor. I slipped into the room behind her before she could close the door. She turns to face me as I shut the door behind us.
“Arizona…” I start.
“Who the hell do you think you are, coming in here and policing me on my job performance? You have no idea what kind of doctor I am.”
“I know. I know. I’m sorry. That was below the belt and I didn’t mean it. I don’t even know why I said it. Well… I said it because I overhead you talking to that nurse.”
"And? Are you jealous?" Arizona asked seriously, her hands stuffed into the pockets of her white lab coat.
“Of course I’m jealous! But more than that, I’m hurt. What about us?” I ask quietly.
“Calliope, you and I both decided that we would date other people. And since that conversation, we haven’t talked about being exclusive at all.”
“I didn’t really think we had to!” I say, flabbergasted.
“Oh please! Up until a few weeks ago you were still sleeping with Mark!”
“Yeah, and then I stopped. Whoever I was when we met, whatever I was doing… I’m not now.” I paused, and for a minute we looked at each other in silence. She had a valid point; I did actually understand why she would be upset about Mark. But I was absolutely committed to her, right here and now.
"Are you really going out with her?" I asked.
"Yes, Calliope, I am," she said softly; honestly. I felt the air draining out of me.
"Right. Well have fun on your date," I said, turning to go.
Arizona exhaled loudly and tugged on my wrist. She kept me from leaving her office by anchoring me with her hand.
“Calliope, come on. Don’t be upset with me.”
"You know what, Arizona? I don't think I'm okay with being a casual dating experience for you. A casual sexual experience. I know what we agreed on in the beginning, but that’s not going to work for me anymore.”
"Don't act like I'm the reason we're not exclusive. Do you think I like knowing that I might be sharing you? That I enjoy lying in bed at night and wondering whose arms you're in?"
“I haven't been in anyone's arms but yours!" I yelled. “But you hear one thing about my past, and now you don’t trust me.”
"What do you want me to do?" she asked. I didn't answer. "What do you want me to do? After the other night, I really thought things between us had changed. But then I hear about Mark and… I’m not ready to make a fool of myself again by assuming you only want me” she said, her cheeks red. "Ask me not to go and I won't go." Arizona looked at me pleadingly. "I won't go," she repeated, "if you ask me not to."
"I can't ask you that. I have no right to ask you that." I say this despite wanting nothing more than to ask that, scream that, make a service announcement about it. But I need this to be a decision that she comes to on her own.
I turned and walked towards the door. Before opening it, I looked back at Arizona.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" I said.
Arizona looked down and nodded, jutting her chin out. I quietly slipped out and shut the door behind me.