Comments | call_me_saffron: 002 [Text]

call_me_saffron

002 [Text]

Sep 20, 2010 15:21

Been thinking a lot lately, 'bout life, and 'bout what being a part of the troupe means to me.

I'll admit it. I was thinking of hightailing it out of here long before trouble started up-and Angie, honey, what happened was not your fault. Past couple days, though... Well, for better or worse, I've seen a side to all of you that reminded me why I ( Read more... )

breach: freakshow, ic, i am what i am

Comments 23

carnie filter - and he needs to rant. people he likes are a good source. SORRY. deepdowndark September 20 2010, 14:32:01 UTC

Really? We're only as much a part of a family as whores are in a brothel. And I don't mean that to insult you, or anything, because you're the most decent person here.

But don't you think you're selling a huge chunk of your dignity just... sitting in a tent and selling yourself? Whatever makes you a 'freak'? I mean, those town folk aren't right either, to be so... aggressive and sure, we're right to stand up for each other, but this... you can't always dress this up in terms of a community or somethin' like that. In the end, we're selling ourselves. I've got a bloody brain in here, you know, I'm actually pretty good at things, but all I ever make money on the back on is how damn short I am.

I think selling this like we're all havin' a good time or whatever is just a bit of a con, you know.

carnie filter call_me_saffron September 20 2010, 14:43:23 UTC

Maybe it's a damned awful job and maybe it's no better than whoring, but you made me realise something the other night. You showed me that we're people too, damn it, and we're no more or less worthy of being on God's green earth-but more than that, you showed me that I can be happy if I accept that I'm a little different and don't let it get to me.

This is the one thing I've ever been good at in my whole life, Ardent, and the carnival's the one place I ever felt I belonged. Spending time with you reminded me of what it felt like to be happy here. Of what it felt like to be happy being me.

Re: carnie filter deepdowndark September 20 2010, 15:12:12 UTC

We're people too, and why shouldn't we be happy the way we are? That's sort of my point. Why should we sell ourselves, our dignity, to be stared at by people who don't know any better? You can say 'oh, but we're making money on our own terms', but that's all a whore tells herself, isn't it? To make herself feel better.

You should be able to be happy being you without this place. That's all I'm trying to say. We need this place, I know that, I do. But if we're going to be happy being just us, we should be mightily pissed off that all we can do with us is let people stare at us and get their giggles, you know?

To be happy with each other, we ought to hate what we have to do.

Re: carnie filter call_me_saffron September 20 2010, 15:17:16 UTC

Tell me honestly, then-what are you going to do? Would you honestly leave this place?

Thread 13

She says as she and her husband are actively making plans to leave. gimmethemap September 20 2010, 15:29:39 UTC

Never thought it was.

call_me_saffron September 20 2010, 15:32:29 UTC

I don't meant to cast aspersions on you, but that's easy for you to say when you and your roost have ten fingers and ten toes, and hair where it's s'posed to be.

gimmethemap September 20 2010, 15:38:32 UTC

Saff' I love you dearly and I'm happy this life serves you as it needs to, but you know as well as I do there's plenty enough women with hair in the wrong place that don't make a living of it. And I respect your plight -- truly do, but there's different stigma comes with every corner of the carnival.

And nothing against what brings your money in. You're gorgeous with or without your soup-catcher.

call_me_saffron September 20 2010, 15:40:18 UTC

You're right, I'm sorry honey. Things have got me on edge I guess and it's easy to forget how good we have it.

(The comment has been removed)

Re: carnie filter call_me_saffron September 20 2010, 15:42:03 UTC

Maybe not. I reckon in some towns the feeling hits me worse than others that it is. Took all that drama with the townies to remind me that all folk have their demons.

(The comment has been removed)

Re: carnie filter call_me_saffron September 20 2010, 17:02:34 UTC

I've got self-esteem in abundance, friend. Just can't help catching myself wondering if it's worth it sometimes-and the whole point was that I'm starting to think it is.

[Text] empirical_data September 20 2010, 18:26:58 UTC

It isn't bad at all. You're still some of the most honest people I've ever met. Better than the sort I used to work with, anyway.

[Text] call_me_saffron September 20 2010, 18:41:04 UTC

That's it-we have got some real good, decent folk here. I guess we all kinda lucked out with that, at least.

[Private Text] empirical_data September 20 2010, 18:49:51 UTC

I suppose so. Honestly the people of this town remind me of why I thought it was better to come along with the carnival in the first place. All the backstabbing and lobbying for positions of authority and tight grins over shared drinks. Then my friends that managed to keep their wealth during the crash weren't there at all for me when I had nothing but a few suits left to my name.

It hurts now, but after we go, they still have each other they'll turn their hate on. We don't need that. ...I don't, anyway.

Carnie Filter naughtbutlife September 20 2010, 19:33:00 UTC

Don't matter if it was my fault or not anymore.

I met the best sort of people here, that's true. And I met a real good man - the best man I've ever know, and I weren't even looking for one. And I felt good doing what I was doing.

But it's just time to go, I guess.