Title: Facing Fears 1/1
Rating: PG
Summary: Spoilers for Disciple. Chloe confronts and comforts Oliver forcing him to face his greatest fears.
Notes: Spoilers for Disciple. Although I did make it up kind of on my own since I wasn't quite sure what was going to happen. I MIGHT write a follow up to this based on the most recent spoilers. ;) Thanks to Smallvillefics for all the beta work!
The sound of the door made him snap his head around, but upon seeing who stepped onto the balcony he turned back to the city view. “You haven’t been here in a while.”
“No, it’s been a while.”
He didn’t ask how she had gotten in, he knew better.
“How’s Mia?”
“A little shaken up, kind of mad.” Which he expected. After all, she’d had no idea of his secret identity before then. Of course he found it kind of odd she was more mad about the fact that he kept her in the dark, not about the fact that the Dark Archer kidnapped her. “But she’ll be fine.”
“That’s good.” With his back to her she was free to stare at him. She couldn’t see his face, but she didn’t need to. Chloe knew he was troubled. “And how are you?” He turned his head again, eye narrowing in the darkness, then he turned away.
“Talk to Clark?”
Chloe fidgeted and glanced at one of the chairs, but she didn’t want to sit when he was standing. “A little.”
“But enough.”
Chloe sighed. Her and Oliver never really ‘talked’. They knew everything about one another, probably more then anyone knew. Even Clark, her best friend, Lois, her cousin, didn’t know of some of the things she’d done, Oliver knew all of it. Yet regardless of what they knew about one another Chloe never felt all that comfortable really talking to him. But when Clark had told him about Oliver’s face off with the Dark Archer Chloe knew she didn’t have a choice. She knew Oliver, she knew his ability to self destruct when things went wrong. Clark had tried, but Clark didn’t understand. Lois was important to Oliver, that Chloe knew, but considering Lois only knew half of what Oliver’s previous downward spiral was about, she couldn’t very well understand. And if Chloe was honest with herself she wasn’t sure how Lois would have reacted to Oliver’ less then perfect past. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’m fine.” Oliver glanced down at his glass and shook the ice around. There was no noise behind him, and although he wanted to see the look on her face he wouldn’t turn around. Instead he settled for looking out over the night landscape of Metropolis. Chloe wouldn’t fault him for what he almost did, but she wouldn’t tolerate him getting down on himself again. It was kind of annoying in a way. All he wanted at that moment was to mope in his own misery, but he could already tell she wasn’t going to allow it. “You don’t believe me.”
“I don’t know. Your past speaks for itself.”
“You have so much faith.”
“I’m only speaking the truth Oliver, but I never said I didn’t have any faith in you.”
That was one thing Oliver could count on from Chloe, the truth. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t lie. If she had a goal she would probably lie to get there. But she wouldn’t lie to him just to spare his feelings. Oliver took a sip of his drink and turned, propping his elbows up on the wall and finally took her in. The first thing that struck him was that she appeared slightly out of her element. No watchtower, no computers, no Clark. Just her standing on his balcony. Come to think of it, she had probably never stepped onto the balcony on the few occasions she’d come to the clock tower before. “Okay, so I’m fine. I’m having a drink.” He held up the glass. “Or two, but I’m not going to drink myself into oblivion. I’m not going to run off throwing punches, gambling, whatever it is you think I’m going to do.”
“I believe you.” And she did, but she could see he was bothered. That was evident by the slightly drawn and tired look on his face. “But I don’t believe you’re okay.” He sighed and looked away, obviously becoming frustrated by her insistence. “So what was he after?”
Oliver shrugged. “What wasn’t he after? Thought I betrayed him, taking my skills and show casing them all over the city. Didn’t like the fact that I might be better than him.”
“And that involved Mia how?”
Oliver noticed how she seemed to skirt around the fact that she and Lois had been the original targets. “Something had to get my attention. Or else I would have just told him to screw off.”
She cocked an amused eyebrow. “If he had attacked you then you would have been forced to fight. So why go through the big charade?” She already had her suspicions. She knew Oliver’s fears, the way he pushed people away from him, and why he did it.
“An angry person makes more mistakes,” Oliver said evenly. “And they do things they wouldn’t normally do.”
He turned away from her, facing the skyline again. She knew exactly what those things were. Oliver almost killed him, Clark could attest to that. Slowly, she walked near him, not stopping until she stood next to him. “Oliver, you were angry. And what happened...could happen to anyone, especially under the circumstances. But you didn’t do it, and that’s the point. Six months ago, a year ago, maybe he wouldn’t have been so lucky.”
Chloe thought he was changed. Oliver wished he could believe her, but it wasn’t just the fact that he almost took another life that bothered him. “You know it’s more than that. Let's not forget that it wasn’t just Mia’s life that was in danger.” Oliver glanced at her from the corner of his eye for a reaction but he received none.
“It happens.” Chloe shrugged. “Trust me, I got used to it a long time ago, and I think even Lois has stopped being surprised.”
What bothered him was how easily she was able to shrug it off. “You may not be angry, but that doesn’t change the fact that within a matter of days three people I know were attacked because of me.”
“We all have enemies. Doing what we do you make enemies. You can’t avoid that Oliver. There’s nothing that you can do about it. I can’t imagine you throwing in the costume again just to avoid that.”
“No,” Oliver admitted, “I wouldn’t. But just because I have enemies doesn’t mean I have to have friends.”
For the first time since she’d stepped onto his balcony he surprised her, and nothing surprised her anymore. Slowly, she turned to face him, crossing her arms and looking at him narrowly. “Lois is in enough danger already with Clark and she doesn’t even know it yet. And if you remember correctly pushing Lois away got you no where except lonely. Mia, you’ve done more for her in the past couple of months than anyone else has in a long time. She knows that, and she isn’t even angry with you about what happened. And Oliver, me?” Chloe laughed it off. “Are you serious? If you weren’t around my life would be on the line regardless. If I recall correctly I was the one that brought you back. Do you think I’m really going to let you just push me away after all the trouble I went through?” It was supposed to be a joke, but he only frowned in response. “So what do you want then, Oliver?”
“I don’t know.” He couldn't push Lois away much further than she already was. Mia, he couldn’t abandon her. If he did she’d be right back where he found her. And Chloe... well, he wasn’t sure if he could be the Green Arrow without her. If it came down to it he could, but he was better with her. Oliver risked a glance at her as he considered his life without her. He would most likely be dead, or worse off than he was before she turned his life around. The problem was Oliver couldn’t think of one thing that he really had to offer Chloe. At least with Mia he could say he saved her life, but Chloe, besides being the Green Arrow, he couldn’t name one reason she actually benefited by knowing him. He could push her away, she could still be watchtower, still help the other heros, but at least she wouldn’t have a target painted on her back because of him.
“Look,” Chloe grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face her, “no one is going anywhere. I know the risk, but if you even considering what is running through your head I’ll hunt you down and drag you back kicking and screaming.” There was something in his face though that she didn’t like. “Because I can’t do this on my own.”
“You don’t need me.” Oliver truly believed that. She was doing fine before he came back, and if he was gone she would still be fine. “You would do just fine without me.”
“That is my decision to make!” Chloe shoved at his chest roughly. “Not yours!”
“Chloe...”
She could tell he thought otherwise. “No, you listen to me. Contrary to popular belief I don’t like to live my life cooped up in my home, by myself, all day long. I like my work, I like what I do, but you are NOT going to just ditch me because you’re scared. Because I can’t talk to Clark and I can’t talk to Lois. And I know when something needs so be done I can trust you to do it. And most of all I can NOT do this on my own.” She stepped forward, disregarding the awkward difference in height, and poked him in the chest. “You will not leave me alone.” She punctuated each work with a sharp jab to his chest.
Oliver grabbed her hand suddenly, not even sure of what he was going to do. The pressure from her finger eased from his chest as her fingers relaxed. He could see the hurt flitter across her face as her brow drew together and she bit down on her bottom lip. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“And...” Chloe began softly and a bit unsure. It wasn’t what she was about to say that was shaking her confidence, but the sudden change between them. Because now they were talking, being honest with one another, and it was a little scary, at least for her. “About what happened, and Clark. You know I view things differently than Clark, and I know there is no black and white. So I understand what happened and you ultimately made the right decision. So don’t think about it, don’t dwell on it. Just move on. Everyone’s fine Oliver. No harm was done.”
“That’s not what I see.” Oliver admitted softly. He lowered his hand, releasing hers slowly.
“What do you see?” Chloe asked gently when she noticed the the concern on his face.
“There are only a select few people I really care about Chloe. He found them. It was too easy. And even though nothing happened I can’t help but see what could have happened.” She sighed softly in response, green eyes looking up at him in pity.
“I know, but nothing can’t keep running down the road of what ifs. It won’t get you anywhere.”
“I know that.”
“So then don’t do this to yourself!” Chloe exclaimed, a little more forcefully then she had intended. Because Oliver felt things so deeply and he’d willingly torture himself because he thought he deserved it. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t-.”
“I cared and that’s enough,” Oliver bit out angrily. “I cared about you and that almost got you killed.”
“And I know that. It isn’t just you Oliver.” Chloe said gently. “There have been people I’ve cared about, that I’ve been responsible for getting them hurt. It scares me too.”
“Chloe...” He sighed and glanced away from her.
He looked like he wanted to say something, or maybe he was trying not to. “What is it?”
When he looked back down at her she was looking up at him with pleading concern evident in her eyes. “This is harder than you can understand.”
“Why?” He looked away again and she reached her hand out to his arm. “Oliver?” His head turned sharply back to her, eyes dropping from her own to her hand. Chloe withdrew it slowly, a little taken aback by the intense look in his eyes, but determined to find out what was wrong.
“This fear of someone getting hurt because I care about them.” His chest felt slightly heavy, making it feel as if he was smothering under the weight of things he hid from himself. “I don’t think you really understand.” He looked away from her again, staring out at the lights of the city. “You know when things first started to end with Lois, it was because of that reason. I was too scared of what my being the Green Arrow would mean for her.”
“And Lois still was targeted by the Dark Archer even though you tried to push her away.” Chloe said a little sadly, for him, and for some reason for herself. “That’s what’s bothering you?”
“No.” Oliver shook his head and found his teeth clenched together, fighting against urges to spill everything or keep it all in. He turned back to Chloe and forced himself to stare down into her green eyes. Usually she was all business, not showing the softer side that he used to see. She’d hardened over time. But as she stood there in front of him, he could see it. The care, the concern for him. Her worry that he wouldn’t be okay. It could all be for the greater good, but he truly believed that it was more than that, he just wasn’t sure how much more. “Same scenario, but not Lois.”
She opened her mouth to question him. She could only assume he was referring to having feelings for someone, although he was being rather vague. But she had wondered for a while now if Oliver had somehow found himself caring more for Mia than he let on. It bothered her a little, but she pushed those thoughts to the side, figuring he had to find someone at some point that he could care for. Before she could even utter the words thought to question him she saw his hand lift out of the corner of her eye and then felt it brush against her cheek. She glanced over at it and as she felt his palm press against her cheek, his thumb settling over her cheek bone, she looked back into his eyes and released a shuddered breath at the intensity there.
She didn’t pull away from him. There was surprise in her eyes at first and then slowly they almost seemed to softened. Her face turned up just slightly to his own and he soon found himself sliding his hands into her hair, cradling the back of her head, and tilting it back further, the entire time the distance closing between them until there was only inches left. And then he stopped, not because he didn’t want to close the distance, but he could see the arrow heading for her and knew what it meant. She’d get hurt and that he could not handle. With sigh he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
She wasn’t sure what had changed or what he meant until he was pulling away from her. There was no doubt in he mind they had been seconds from kissing. So without a second thought she wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled his head down until their lips met. She held the kiss for a few short moments, unmoving. Then slowly Chloe sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and then the top, then pulled away slightly. She hadn’t known his eyes had been closed until she opened her own and she found his brown ones slowly opening to meet her own. “I already told you, it isn’t your choice to make.”
Her warm breath brushed over his lips, reminding him again of the position they were in and that she was entirely too close. “If he had known, it wouldn’t have been Mia.”
For a moment she allowed herself to absorb what he was saying. It seemed ridiculous what he was implying, regardless of their current position. Chloe just could not wrap her mind around the idea that not only did he have stronger feelings for her then she had originally thought, but that he feared her becoming a target because of them. “I’m always a target.”
“I won’t be responsible for putting you in more danger.” Oliver whispered, but he could feel his resolve weakening.
“Then be here with me to keep me out of it.”
He searched her eyes, but only saw resolve, something he was scared of the entire time. The worst thing that could have happened was that she returned his feelings. He closed the distance again, not placing a gentle kiss against her lips as she had done, but kissing her hard, moving his lips over her own, sucking on her plump lips and tilting his head to the side as he ran his tongue over her lips seeking entrance and not even pausing as she parted her lips to him.
Simultaneously he deepened the kiss and wrapped an arm around her waist. Chloe felt herself melt against him, all of the awkwardness and fear gone as he pulled her to his hard body and she wrapped her arms around his neck. They would always be in danger, but Chloe found it much more bearable knowing that he wouldn’t just be with her to face it, but that he felt just as deeply for her as she did for him.