SPN Fanfic: Parsimonious
Title: Parsimonious
Characters: Dean, Sam
Rating: GEN, PG13.
Word Count: 570-ish words
Warnings: SPOILERS FOR 4.04 Conversation-style. Drunkenness and possible blasphemy.
Disclaimer: Oooo, I definitely don't own them.
Summary: Sam tests an old saying.
A/N: Okay, this started out as funny, and then went... freaky. Do I think Sam is really thinking like this? I hope not, and if he was, I doubt he'd ever say it to Dean. But that's where the bunny went, so I chased it. O.O
Conversations
by CaffieneKitty
-
Parsimonious
-
Timeframe:
Shortly after Metamorphosis (4.04) sometime.
-
"Hello?"
"Heeeeeeey! Deeeeeeeeeeean!"
"...Sam?"
"Thash me!"
"Sam, where the hell are you?"
"Mythbushters."
"...is that the bar you're at?"
"'S a TV show, Dean. Tests 'n' stuff."
"I know it's a TV show, moron. They blow crap up."
"'S scientiffical 'n all."
"But you're not on Mythbusters, right?"
"Nuh. M'doin' it freelance."
"...You're blowing things up?"
"M'testin' a whatsis. Adage."
"You're drunk, Sam. Where are you?"
"'S not the right question, Dean. Gotta ask "Wha's th' adage?""
"Okay, fine. What's the 'adage'?"
"Adage I been testing's th'one that says, "You can't cry when you're drinking something." Feel like crying, drink something, anything you want, don't cry. Yup."
"Uh hunh. So you're drunk in a bar somewhere crying."
"Not crying. Drinking. Adage works great. 'S confirmed. Woo!"
"What bar are you at Sam?"
"Wanna know why I'm testin' it, Dean?"
"Not really, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me."
"'Cause God hates me."
"Sam-"
"Nope. God hates me. You said. Yer angel wants to smack me."
"He wants you to stop being a frigging idiot, Sam! And God just wants you to stop what you're doing, I never said He hates you!"
"Yup. He hates me so mush, sooooooo much, He sent an angel to get my brother out of Hell."
"That's ridiculous. If God, or angels, or whatever, if any of them hated you, they'd, I dunno, fire a lightning bolt at you or blight your crops or something."
"Noooo, nuh uh. There's a word. Parshl- Parzmn- Persimonyoo- Parsimonious."
"...Parsimonious? Is that the word? Or are you still working on it?"
"Nuh. Parsimoooonious. Means God don't smack you himself, he brings your brother back from Hell to do it for him."
"Listen, Sam, I-"
"I tell you what, Dean. I tell you what. You can beat the crap outta me if you want. Or if yer angel says to. Or if God says to. Don't care."
"I'm not gonna beat the crap out of you, Sam! Just-"
"Don't care. Beat me up. Any time. It's still worth it. Worth ev'ry secon'."
"...Sam..."
"'Cause I got it figured out now. If what I was doing, if tryin' to use this demon psychic crap for good was soooo bad that God hates me, and had you brought back from Hell to smack me around 'cause of it? S'all worth it. Alla the headaches an' Ruby an' everything. Do it again any day."
"Do it again? Do not tell me you're getting evil bitch lessons from Ruby again!?"
"No, no, no!"
"Well, good."
"Not now."
"What? Sam, if-"
"Yer not in Hell, see? But if you die? If you go 'way again, Dean? I can make God hate me again. Really, really hate me. And then He'll bring you back!"
"...Sam, you- you can't... You're drunk. You aren't making sense. That's crazy."
"'S awesome. 'S perfect. You'll never ever die forever, Dean! 'Cause I can make God bring you back!"
"Sam, okay, Sam, just- just shut the hell up, alright!? You're drunk, and, and you are seriously frigging nuts. God doesn't- I don't even- Look, I'm coming to pick you up. Where are you?"
"Some bar. Uhhhh... dunno whash called. Big fish onna wall. Hey, you there, guy? Where am I? ... 'S the Carp Hole. Hey, thas cute! Carp Hole. Haha!"
"Okay, I'll find it. Do not go anywhere, you hear me?"
"Yep! Hear ya! 'S great to hear ya, Dean!"
"I'll be right there. We'll get you back to the hotel to sleep it off and you'll forget all about all this crap in the morning."
"Hey! Hey, know what this means, Dean?"
"That you need to get your puking over and done with before you set foot in my car?"
"God made your angel bring you back 'cause of me 'n my psychic crap. So I did getcha outta Hell after all! Ha!"
"Sam... just... go puke, Sam."
"Okay!" *click*
"...dammit Sam..."
- - -
(thash all *hic*)
Post A/N: The original impetus of this, the "can't cry if you are drinking something" adage, may not be as well-known as I thought it would be. I couldn't locate a reference or quote on Google. Nor could I find the definition I'm thinking of for parsimonious. I fail at Google today. :-P
Conversations Index
Characters: Dean, Sam
Rating: GEN, PG13.
Word Count: 570-ish words
Warnings: SPOILERS FOR 4.04 Conversation-style. Drunkenness and possible blasphemy.
Disclaimer: Oooo, I definitely don't own them.
Summary: Sam tests an old saying.
A/N: Okay, this started out as funny, and then went... freaky. Do I think Sam is really thinking like this? I hope not, and if he was, I doubt he'd ever say it to Dean. But that's where the bunny went, so I chased it. O.O
Conversations
by CaffieneKitty
-
Parsimonious
-
Timeframe:
Shortly after Metamorphosis (4.04) sometime.
-
"Hello?"
"Heeeeeeey! Deeeeeeeeeeean!"
"...Sam?"
"Thash me!"
"Sam, where the hell are you?"
"Mythbushters."
"...is that the bar you're at?"
"'S a TV show, Dean. Tests 'n' stuff."
"I know it's a TV show, moron. They blow crap up."
"'S scientiffical 'n all."
"But you're not on Mythbusters, right?"
"Nuh. M'doin' it freelance."
"...You're blowing things up?"
"M'testin' a whatsis. Adage."
"You're drunk, Sam. Where are you?"
"'S not the right question, Dean. Gotta ask "Wha's th' adage?""
"Okay, fine. What's the 'adage'?"
"Adage I been testing's th'one that says, "You can't cry when you're drinking something." Feel like crying, drink something, anything you want, don't cry. Yup."
"Uh hunh. So you're drunk in a bar somewhere crying."
"Not crying. Drinking. Adage works great. 'S confirmed. Woo!"
"What bar are you at Sam?"
"Wanna know why I'm testin' it, Dean?"
"Not really, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me."
"'Cause God hates me."
"Sam-"
"Nope. God hates me. You said. Yer angel wants to smack me."
"He wants you to stop being a frigging idiot, Sam! And God just wants you to stop what you're doing, I never said He hates you!"
"Yup. He hates me so mush, sooooooo much, He sent an angel to get my brother out of Hell."
"That's ridiculous. If God, or angels, or whatever, if any of them hated you, they'd, I dunno, fire a lightning bolt at you or blight your crops or something."
"Noooo, nuh uh. There's a word. Parshl- Parzmn- Persimonyoo- Parsimonious."
"...Parsimonious? Is that the word? Or are you still working on it?"
"Nuh. Parsimoooonious. Means God don't smack you himself, he brings your brother back from Hell to do it for him."
"Listen, Sam, I-"
"I tell you what, Dean. I tell you what. You can beat the crap outta me if you want. Or if yer angel says to. Or if God says to. Don't care."
"I'm not gonna beat the crap out of you, Sam! Just-"
"Don't care. Beat me up. Any time. It's still worth it. Worth ev'ry secon'."
"...Sam..."
"'Cause I got it figured out now. If what I was doing, if tryin' to use this demon psychic crap for good was soooo bad that God hates me, and had you brought back from Hell to smack me around 'cause of it? S'all worth it. Alla the headaches an' Ruby an' everything. Do it again any day."
"Do it again? Do not tell me you're getting evil bitch lessons from Ruby again!?"
"No, no, no!"
"Well, good."
"Not now."
"What? Sam, if-"
"Yer not in Hell, see? But if you die? If you go 'way again, Dean? I can make God hate me again. Really, really hate me. And then He'll bring you back!"
"...Sam, you- you can't... You're drunk. You aren't making sense. That's crazy."
"'S awesome. 'S perfect. You'll never ever die forever, Dean! 'Cause I can make God bring you back!"
"Sam, okay, Sam, just- just shut the hell up, alright!? You're drunk, and, and you are seriously frigging nuts. God doesn't- I don't even- Look, I'm coming to pick you up. Where are you?"
"Some bar. Uhhhh... dunno whash called. Big fish onna wall. Hey, you there, guy? Where am I? ... 'S the Carp Hole. Hey, thas cute! Carp Hole. Haha!"
"Okay, I'll find it. Do not go anywhere, you hear me?"
"Yep! Hear ya! 'S great to hear ya, Dean!"
"I'll be right there. We'll get you back to the hotel to sleep it off and you'll forget all about all this crap in the morning."
"Hey! Hey, know what this means, Dean?"
"That you need to get your puking over and done with before you set foot in my car?"
"God made your angel bring you back 'cause of me 'n my psychic crap. So I did getcha outta Hell after all! Ha!"
"Sam... just... go puke, Sam."
"Okay!" *click*
"...dammit Sam..."
- - -
(thash all *hic*)
Post A/N: The original impetus of this, the "can't cry if you are drinking something" adage, may not be as well-known as I thought it would be. I couldn't locate a reference or quote on Google. Nor could I find the definition I'm thinking of for parsimonious. I fail at Google today. :-P
Conversations Index