Picspam Reaction: Doctor Who 5.12
Since this is the last weekend I'll have before the next season of Supernatural airs, I'd better get this done! Of course that would mean getting through two episodes this weekend, so no on that, but I did get halfway there! Yay?
Contains profanity and things, referencing things I think I know about aired episodes I have not seen yet, and at one point briefly referencing the major plot arcs of Season 2 through 6 of Supernatural. Also that Sy-fy movie Misha did a while back. Also, 100 caps.
(Pulled together while brain-scrambled, edits may occur tomorrow.)
Doctor Who 5.12 - The Pandorica Opens
In which there's a big box that will open, the Doctor's going to get himself in trouble, and Rory will be wearing a leather skirt. As far as I've heard.
The Pandorica Opens
-Whatever's happening, Van Gogh is having a bad time of it. But if the Doctor gets time-nommed, then everything he's ever had an effect on will revert to the state it would be in without the Doctor existing, right? So yeah. If that's happening, Van Gogh's not the only one having a crap night.
-"What's it supposed to be?" I'm guessing we'll find out just before the titles, yes?
-"It was found in an attic in France." And back to WWII, with the painting we didn't see (I think I know which one it is, darn icons). Hahaha, oh this is rather cool, actually, revisiting the series. :-)
-Stormcage containment facility. Oooo... in the 51st... um. Actually 52nd century. So either River went back in time after this and will be re-incarcerated by the warrior priests 150 years earlier in the future, or someone got their centuries mixed up.
-"You're phoning the Time Vortex, it doesn't always work." Ah, the Doctor fiddled with Churchill's phone while he was there. Good to know it works on mid-twentieth century landlines as well as mobiles.
-"You're new here, aren't you?"/"First day." Oh dear. Prepare to get bamboozled, guard-boy.
-Or hallucinogenic lipsticked. Same thing really.
-Hee!
-OH HAI QUEENIE!! \o/ Your art gallery's kind of wrecked, that's sad.
-"I said 'off the wrist'." Aha. So this little scene tells us River wasn't necessarily a Time Agent herself, and has no compunctions about purchasing goods someone lost a hand to have stolen. Though really, 52nd century medicine, a lost hand's probably easy to replace or grow back, nothing more than the equivalent of a 48 hour flu to the Time Agent.
-"The kind I just put in your wine." I'm not sure if this guy is less thrilled that River's got the better of him, or that he's going to have to wear that earring for the rest of his life to keep from exploding.
-Ah, yes. The ring box. With the ring. Neither of which should technically exist since Rory is "time-nommed", and yet they do. So, does she actually remember him and has repressed the memory, or have we got a boatload of bafflegab about the Crack effect and so forth incoming. Let's ponder that. *ponders deeply*
-"According to legend, on the cliff there's writing, letters fifty feet high, a message from the dawn of time." Ooo! Ooo! Let me guess! Slartibartfast's signature? No? Well, whatever River went back and wrote then, obviously. The girl does like to doodle on unique historical artifacts and locations.
-"The Tardis can translate anything." Not quite. It didn't have any luck with that writing on Krop Tor, the planet orbiting the black hole back in Series 2. So either Eleven's forgotten, the Tardis has put some points into improving translation, or Eleven is lying. Hm.
-*snerk* Oh River, you so whacky.
-Ah yes, and now the men in leather skirts appear, so news of Rory can't be far behind.
-"Hail Caesar!" Without any psychic paper even. Must be standard Roman Military operating procedure. If it has hooves, feed it, if it has wheels, oil it, and if it's dressed bizarrely and accompanied by an attractive red head, call it Caesar and kneel.
-Or River's kissed him. Of course. Poor thing. *tries not to wince at the very fake decorative stitching on the tunic*
-Yup. The famous "Tardis Go Boom" by Vincent Van Gogh, artist and part-time psychic, apparently. Unless it's a Crack effect, and so people the Doctor has altered the lives of recently (subjectively recently since if he's unmade by time, the effect of things he's done being undone would happen in reverse chronological order along his personal chronology, one would think, which means it's going to be a very long time before Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright find themselves unconcerned by any of their perfectly normal students and live out their perfectly normal lives peacefully teaching in a perfectly normal school in London. Poor Ian and Barbara) will be having visions of this sort of thing.
-And credits! Still hoping for an explanation for the lightning and fire, not expecting one at this stage. But it would be nice.
-Oooo. Clever Van Gogh.
-"The Pandorica Opens". Hm. "Tardis Go Boom" might have been more appealing for the mass market, but hey, it's a plot thing.
-"It was built to contain the most feared thing in all the universe." *raises an eyebrow at Eleven* Hmm...
-Well, Stonehenge. Why not indeed. Is the Pandorica actually a robot head terraforming pyramid?
-"Mightiest warrior in history." *raises another eyebrow* Right. I want to see the original version of the legend and get the direct translation, because the most dangerous thing in the universe isn't necessarily a warrior.
-BWAHAHAHAHAH! OH. MY. GOD. IT'S STONEHENGE AND THERE'S A ROBOT HEAD! \o/ Cyberman head, though, which is way worse. Well, crap.
-GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! SEVERED HEADS - ROBOT, CYBERMAN OR OTHERWISE - SHOULD JUST NEVER MOVE ON THEIR OWN! O.O
-Would you trust anyone who was about to open a door to the room with the big dangerous thing in it who had this expression?
-The Cybermen have been all over this thing, hm? Wonder what stopped them?
-Yep. Get right up close and touch it. Why the hell not, he's shoved his arm into the Crack, what's patting the formerly mythical box containing the most feared thing in the Universe to him. Eleven likes to grope dangerous things, apparently.
-I hate to say it, but from some perspectives, the thing Eleven is describing as 'the most feared thing in the universe' could very well be the Doctor. Shows up out of nowhere and changes everything for a lot of species, like Cybermen, Daleks, etc...
-"I hate good wizards in fairy tales. They always turn out to be him." *snerk* yeah, I can see that too.
-"It's kind of like Pandora's Box then." Why, yes, Amy. It's only half the name, which you've known since the first episode of the season. I think. Unless that happened while she was in the Prisoner Zero coma.
-"Hello, you. Have we met?" Um. Legendary dangerous thing breaking out of an unbreakoutable prison. Not really the time for flirting, Doctor.
-"You said everyone can hear it. So who else is coming?" Oh, as many as the BBC effects budget can afford I suppose. Daleks probably. We haven't seen them since they went all Voltron back in WWII. They're due to stick their eyestalks in soon.
-"Around this planet there are at least... 10,000 starships." Well, just the early birds then. I'd be surprised if half of them weren't trying to kill the other half before anyone got a chance to land. Except the Cybermen of course, who have left bits lying around that seem ominously capable of independent motion. Maybe they're spying...
-"They'll never expect three people to attack twelve thousand Dalek battleships, cause we'd be killed instantly so it would be a fairly short surprise. *headsonicscrewdriver*" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Yeah. Sometimes you need a little bit more than the element of surprise to defeat a battlefleet.
-Yes! Everybody's here as audio-only! Excellent budget savings maneuver!! \o/
-"Sontarans! Talk about cross, who stole all their handbags?" ...I have no idea. And if a Sontaran carried a handbag, wouldn't they call it a war satchel or something?
-*nodding at the list of species* Chelonians? Ooo. They've only been in the novels and audios before now! Welcome to televised canon, turtle people! \o/
-Drahvins! They haven't appeared or been mentioned in an episode since the First Doctor's time. Blonde matriarchy with a severe caste system.
-Hemo-goths, they're another one from the novels I think.
-Zygons, from the classic series (Terror of the Zygons, funnily enough). Big cone-headed gang with suckers.
-Atraxi, hey, those are the big eyeball guys from the start of this series!
-Draconians, from the Pertwee-era episode, Frontier in Space.
-And of course the rest of the usual suspects. Okay, the roll call of species was cool.
-Heheh. Yeah, there's not gonna be a whole lot of parking space left on Salisbury Plain, provided they all let each other land.
-"The Romans." *boggle* Versus an interstellar war fleet, are you insane??? Oh this ain't gonna be pretty.
-"She's in Egypt. And dead." Ooopsie. Didn't do your research.
-"*zap* Where do I come from?" Well, yeah, you can get a long way convincing Roman commanders to believe you by vapourizing their weapon credenza. Since they're out of kissing range.
-"It seems you have a volunteer." HI RORY!! \o/ I think!
-"There's gonna be a point to that, I'll get back to you." Pft. *headshake*
-Every warfleet in range is in orbit and the box with the most feared thing in it is opening, and you want to pull out the ring box and get into this now? It's like Rory and the kissing and the vampires all over again. You two are made for each other. *headdesk*
-"People fall out of the world sometimes, but they always leave traces." Very, very true.
-"So was she nice, your friend?"/*headringbox* Eleven has a habit of hitting himself in the forehead with things doesn't he?
-"It was too big, too many empty rooms." Entirely unlike the Tardis. Sure.
-"Does it ever bother you, Amy, that your life doesn't make any sense?" *pew!pew!* Yes. I realize it's all about Amy and the Crack and all that, but really, there are better times to discuss in depth whether a person's life makes sense or not, like say over a cup of coffee in a cozy cafe entirely unsurrounded by things that want to kill you. If I was a disembodied Cyber-arm, I'd start shooting too.
-"You know how sometimes have really brilliant ideas?"/"Yeah?"/"Sorry." *snerk*
-"LOOK AT ME I'M A TARGET!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! XD
-Hee!
-You know, I was wondering how long it would take that head to roll itself into attacking range.
-Obviously a lot less time since it has tentacles! That's just wrong. Gah!
-Oh crap.
-AAUAUAUUAUUUUUUUUGCH!!!!! O.O
-And then the next bit went something like this.
Cyberhead: *OM NOM NOM*
Amy: *shrieks*
Me: *face down on keyboard laughing*
Probably not the response they were hoping for when they wrote this bit, but there you are.
-Darts. Oh that's new. Also, not terribly fair, but if you can't dent a Cyberhead into non-functional junk when surrounded by rocks, a dart in the neck is about as fair as it gets. Also, there's something about losing a fight with a severed head that seems a bit pathetic. Even if it is a Cyberhead.
-"You and whose body?" Some questions should never be asked when nearing the time for a major plot point.
-Oh, hey! It's a zombie cyberman! It's looking for braaaaaains! XD
-Maaaaaybe put the big bar on the door before sticking your head right against it would be a good idea. Although you aren't exactly in your right mind, with the dart and all. What would be in that? Chemical toxin or poison remanufactured from assorted cyber-fluids? Nanites?
-Well, since the Cyberman didn't have a sword, I'm going to guess that's Rory who came down another way... somehow. *handwaves*
-Yep! HI RORY!!!! I MISSED YOU! PLEASE AVOID BEING DEAD FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME IN FUTURE!!!
-Arthur Darvill has some upper body strength. Karen Gillian's not huge, but she's not a stick insect either.
-Poor Rory. First it's like the Doctor doesn't recognize him, then he criticizes his command structure (which if Rory's a Centurion, he should be in command of a hundred troops, shouldn't he?) and then calls him by name, so maybe he does recognize him and doesn't care that Rory's been all alone, lost in time and building up to commanding a respectable segment of the Roman army. Poor Rory. Welcome back. *pats*
-"I'm missing something obvious, Rory, something big, something right slap in front of me, I can feel it."/"Yeah, you probably are." Poor poor Rory.
-*snerk*
-"Rory. I'm not trying to be rude, but you died." Hahahah, yes, awkward conversation starter that, and not a common one.
-*has giggles everywhere*
-"I died and turned into a Roman, it's very distracting." Don't mind me, I'll just be here laughing like a loon for a bit. XD
-"Did she miss me?" ...ow.
-Oooo, that's not good. Pretty, but not good.
-Also pretty and not good.
-I know the Romans were good with strategy, but what the blazes are fifty or a hundred Roman soldiers supposed to do against tens of thousands of battleships holding tens of thousands of warriors from various intergalactic species?
-"Guess who?" *facepalm*
-"Do the smart thing. Let somebody else try first." Ahahahahahaahahahahh! Yeah. That is the benefit of having a well-earned reputation as an intergalactic transtemporal bad-guy stopper and a damn fine speech.
-Also, if any descendants of Lucius Caecilius Iucundus and family (formerly of Pompeii) happen to be serving in that particular army, the odd choice of household gods their grandparents made a few decades ago just got a lot less mock-worthy.
-"That'll keep 'em squabbling for half an hour." Hee! Yep! Something like:
"You first!"
"No you, we insist!"
"Hey, what about the Sontarans, they should be charging in like the war-worshipping idiots they are."
"...We are reviewing our stratagems."
"Suuuuuure."
-"What's the matter with you?" Well, aside from your own assertion about the Tardis engine noise implying (by your own words not too long ago) that you have left the parking brake on, nothing at all. Or rather nothing that a giant vat of Universe Spackle won't fix. *looks around for hyperactive Cracks*
-"Oh you're the guy, yeah, the one that did the swordy-thing."/"...yup." Oh Roryyyyyy!
-OH MY GOD, THERE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO BE AN EXPLANATION FOR THE FREAKING CREDIT SEQUENCE!?!?! I DO NOT HAVE A SHOCKED ENOUGH EMOTICON FOR THIS SITUATION!!!
-*pays rapt attention to the Doctor explaining the Crack and Rory explaining that he's got a head full of Roman stuff and thought they'd come back for him, but she doesn't remember and Oh Rory*
-"Oh shut up." ...You know, Eleven, sometimes you can be a bit of an ass.
-Though the ring box return is nice, and there's probably an explanation forthcoming about that.
-"Go get 'er." ...Or not. Oh well.
-"900 years never seen one yet, but this would do me." Or there will be a reason and he doesn't know it yet. But whatever. Rory's back, and right now I'd even accept a giant unexplained plot-hole as a reason since it brought back Rory. Plot-Crack. Whatever.
-"You okay now?" Not particularly okay, because that's nothing like human or Gallifreyan displaying there, possibly the giant "WARNING: MAJOR LEAGUE BADASS ESCAPING CONFINEMENT" being beamed out by Stonehenge, possibly that you've just made her fly into something that's dangerous for her and you, in a 'please land here so you can explode in the next hour or so' sense. Also, the unexplained yet relevant lightning in the time vortex. And things. Also, the console's smoking. Not good for it.
-Or, you know, Fate takes the wheel. Console. Whatever. Regardless, *facepalm*
-Heeeeeey. If the Crack happened because the Tardis blew up, and Rory went and turned into a Roman instead of getting erased, maybe the Tardis saved him and put him where e needed to be to help with the pandorica. Hmmm. The Tardis has seemed to be getting more free will in her dotage, opening with a finger-snap and what not. Good for her.
-Aaaaaand if the Pandorica opening warning broadcast is the reason Van Gogh painted the Tardis exploding, then... Hmm.
-*crck* "Silence will fall." And there we are.
-Hee! The playback I have has been having little glitches in it throughout, but one appeared in the window of the house as River's widget started fleeping and I was all "OMG WHAT WAS THAT IN THE WINDOOOOOOOWWW!" but yeah. Digital glitch. Never mind.
-"Okay, so something's been here." Something that has big stubby feet, a case of splay-footedness and a very interesting shoeprint. Probably a ship landed. Looks a bit like a military rank insignia of some kind.
-So busy freaking out about the digital glitch in the window I totally did not notice the front door had been broken open. *facepalm*
-Aw, the Raggedy Doctor stuff.
-Aaaaaaand yeah, it's all about Amy, from Amy... Hmmm there is much thinking that should go here. So much thinking... Rory going back to Roman times, the Pandorica, the crack in her wall following her around, but why? It was there before the Doctor arrived, so it's her, and not his interaction with her. The house is too big and too empty. Did she ever actually have an aunt? Did the Tardis, while exploding, cross dimensions and end up in the imaginary world of one lonely little girl who grew up but never woke up? Is Rory real? Why did Amy not have a dream-world in that episode where the Doctor and Rory had one, but just bounced between them? I suddenly need more tea for this.
-"You've got a blanket." And she's not even in shock. Yet.
-"You're crying." Yep. Buried memories do that, even when they're sitting in front of you, talking to your face. Especially then, maybe.
-"Why am I happy?" As she looks at her fiance who's been killed and wiped from time. Oh Amy.
-Rory is being very good so far with the not pushing sudden memories on a person who is effectively amnesiac. Wonder if that's common sense, experience, or his nurses training? Although he might whip out that ring box soon and all hell will break loose.
-"They're not real. They can't be." Ahhh. I sense the other shoe beginning to succumb to gravity...
-"Something's using her memories, Amy's memories." ...Prisoner Zero? He did that kind of get in your head stuff, and could do multiple bodies... maybe they stuck him in the box and he's gotten more powerful? Or... I don't know. O.o
-...waaait. Have we seen that photo before? Seems to me it was seen in an earlier episode. Or am I thinking of icons again?
-They're all not real, and they're effected by things as though they're human, possibly because they believe they're real and will keep acting perfectly human until they're activated, I'm guessing by whatever's in the Pandorica. But none of them are real. Except for Rory... Or... No. Rory's real. Right? RIGHT??? O.O
-"It's me." Ohhhhhhh dammiiiiiit. Please be real, Rory?
-"It's a trap." They're using her memories to build a trap the Doctor will believe. How long since this started? Since the Crack when Amy was a kid? Did they, whoever they are, assuming there's a they, know where the Tardis would crash and plant the Crack in Amy's house a while sooner? Or are they using Amy's memories to build the trap and as a result, the Crack happens? This is the most I've thought about an episode this entire season. I LOVE THIS!!! \o/
-Even though that makes me think there's a vague chance Rory has never been real but I'm not thinking about that now!
-"I'm flying it perfectly, you taught me." Hang on. He taught her how to fly the Tardis, but what did she say about that before? Time of the Angels: River - "I had lessons from the very best." 11 - "Well yeah. *smugface*" River - "It's a shame you were busy that day." So, lying then or lying now. Seems to be an awful lot of lying going on, generally speaking.
-"It's the 26th of June, 2010." And this is Eleven's 'Oh crap!' face.
-"Silence will fall." Yeaaaaah, I'm thinking that's not a new ring tone for the Cloister Bell...
-"You're crying because you remember me." Ohhhhh Rory, please be real?
-"Someone else is flying it, I've lost control."/"But how, why?" He says, pacing back and forth in front of the giant glowing box full of scary something that has a warning transmitter hooked up to it that can reach through time and space. Gee, Eleven, I dunno. Maybe it's Air Traffic Control. *facepalm*
-And the box stops glowing and starts ringing. That, I suspect, is also not good.
-Ohhhhhh crap. The Romans are rebooting!!
-Oh, Rory, no. Dammit! D-:
-He's twitchy, though, maybe he's fighting it? *crosses fingers*
-The light's off on the Pandorica, all the Roman soldiers are standing perfectly still and staring straight ahead and Eleven hasn't noticed a thing except the ringing noise. Admittedly, he's trying to keep River and the Tardis from exploding and starting the Crack, but maintaining an awareness of immediate threats within twenty yards is handy for survival too.
-Oh, hey, the Nestene Consciousness is up there along with the rest of the , might they be Autons? Or some other remote control bad guy flunky? They aren't robot Santas, and there's too many of them to all be Dalek deep cover androids... Hm.
-Ooooo....
-Well, that's got his attention now. I still feel like it's going to be him in the box. Or something to do with Silence falling. Or it'll be empty. Something like that.
-Yup! Autons! Standard hand formation.
-"No, no please no! I'm not going! I'M RORY!" Oh, oh, oh, wow, he's fighting it, oh my god, Roryyyyyyyy! *flails*
-River's stuck in the Tardis and the Doctor's got a big glowing something in a box on one side and fifty Roman Autons on the other that he's finally noticing! *facepalm*
-Oh Rory.
-"Williams." Oh of course she's going to have the memory cascade right now, it's all tied up with the Crack and the Tardis explosion and everything.
-"You are Rory Williams and you aren't going anywhere ever again." But he's not him, he's an Auton with a personality and memories drawn from her, and she's finally remembered him and she's not going to let him go now that she's found him again, even though he's just an imitation, he's an imitation with the free will to fight to stay who his memories say he is, and who he wants to be, and there is so much meta about real world relationships that can be read into that but I'm not thinking about it because, just... *FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL*
-"Driven by the Nestene Consciousness, eh?" *is smug* \o/
-"You have been scanned, assessed, understood." Pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed and num- no wait, that's the Prisoner. Which the Doctor might be about to become if they're shoving him in the box. Anyway, sidetracked. That voice. Thaaaaat sounded like a new Dalek. One that's one fifth of a kindergarten paint-box and needs a lozenge. *nods*
-Hi white Dalek! You are the... arg. They're colour-coded now, you'd figure that would make it simpler to tell which one does what. Arg. *checks previous episode* Supreme Dalek. Well. Nice when the leader takes an active part in missions.
-Ooo, and red and yellow. Yellow is the 'Eternal' Dalek, not sure what that means unless it's a kind of historian, and the red Dalek is a drone. Heh. red shirt!
-"Show me the ring." Oh crap. This is what makes things go boom, isn't it? Particularly since Rory is having a hard enough time fighting off the Auton signal already.
-Oh crap, they all co-operated??? Wow. I guess in a way that's a huge victory for the Doctor to get them all working together on something... Hey, what are the Juddoon doing in on this, shouldn't they be arresting everyone? Or are they there to arrest whatever comes out of the box?
-"The Pandorica is ready!"/"Ready for what?" Hahahaha. yeah they're going to shove him in it and lock it up again and then run roughshod all over the universe (though that makes me wonder even more why the Juddoon are involved). Sounds like a grand plan. Except for all the Crack business and things exploding and Autons in love and whatnot.
-Oooo. Yep, empty and waiting. All a big trap. Looks, um... cozy...?
-"No." Ohhhh crap. I did not expect him to shoot her. Awesome! Not awesome that he shot her, awesome that I didn't see it coming. Okay, now what?
-...maaaaybe River blows the Tardis up trying to get out of it? O.o
-Oh hey, hi Silurians! Welcome to the party!
-And speaking of robot Santas incognito, hello roboforms! Who's the big guy with you... That's ooo. The one Ten and Rose were chasing around at the start of Love and Monsters. I don't recall the name.
-You know, when the box closes, there's either going to be a huge party, or a complete massacre.
-Aw, poor Eleven. It'll all get fixed next episode, don't worry. Just not tonight. *pats*
-"No! We will save the universe! From you!" *chokes on club soda* That might be the funniest thing I've ever heard a Sontaran say. XD
-"The Pandorica was constructed to ensure the safety of the Alliance." So, they built it then went back and seeded it into mythology, and everyone showing up was a big show so the Doctor bit the bait. And the signal 'the Pandorica is opening wasn't a warning at all, it's a call for the Alliance to assemble, and... wow. These guys have all been playing a very long game. O.O
-"Only the Doctor can pilot the Tardis." Um, but, in... Ohhh, right. Sorry, you're new. *pats Dalek*
-"Listen to meeeee!" Suuuuure. And how often in your entire life have they actually done that?
-Oh, well, nothing like a big rock wall in the face to let you know you're screwed.
-Heheh. I've seen a second-to-last of the season episode end with this sort of shot before. That all worked out fine in the end... mostly. Eventually. Actually it kind of lead to Lucifer getting released and an Apocalypse, and the overthrowing of Heaven and a whole lot of death, and they're still dealing with the trickle-down effect four or more seasons later depending how you count, but uh.... I'm sure this one will work out better. *nods*
-Ooo... That's um... O.O
Eep.
Well, I know they do get out of it, and I have several pretty definite ideas how, but getting from this point to that has me a little stymied. I like it! \o/
P.S. *ROFL* OH MY GOD, you poor people who watched this live! The ad at the end, "Look back at some of Amy's greatest moments," acting all grim and serious like she's permanently died? Man, that was mean of the BBC! D-:
Hoping to get to 5.13 sooner rather than later, because I'm running out o later.
All questions and ponderings are rhetorical, please don't answer them, and please no discussion of episodes I haven't got to yet, aka, nothing for DW 5.13 and onward.
Index of Series Five Reaction posts
Contains profanity and things, referencing things I think I know about aired episodes I have not seen yet, and at one point briefly referencing the major plot arcs of Season 2 through 6 of Supernatural. Also that Sy-fy movie Misha did a while back. Also, 100 caps.
(Pulled together while brain-scrambled, edits may occur tomorrow.)
Doctor Who 5.12 - The Pandorica Opens
In which there's a big box that will open, the Doctor's going to get himself in trouble, and Rory will be wearing a leather skirt. As far as I've heard.
The Pandorica Opens
-Whatever's happening, Van Gogh is having a bad time of it. But if the Doctor gets time-nommed, then everything he's ever had an effect on will revert to the state it would be in without the Doctor existing, right? So yeah. If that's happening, Van Gogh's not the only one having a crap night.
-"What's it supposed to be?" I'm guessing we'll find out just before the titles, yes?
-"It was found in an attic in France." And back to WWII, with the painting we didn't see (I think I know which one it is, darn icons). Hahaha, oh this is rather cool, actually, revisiting the series. :-)
-Stormcage containment facility. Oooo... in the 51st... um. Actually 52nd century. So either River went back in time after this and will be re-incarcerated by the warrior priests 150 years earlier in the future, or someone got their centuries mixed up.
-"You're phoning the Time Vortex, it doesn't always work." Ah, the Doctor fiddled with Churchill's phone while he was there. Good to know it works on mid-twentieth century landlines as well as mobiles.
-"You're new here, aren't you?"/"First day." Oh dear. Prepare to get bamboozled, guard-boy.
-Or hallucinogenic lipsticked. Same thing really.
-Hee!
-OH HAI QUEENIE!! \o/ Your art gallery's kind of wrecked, that's sad.
-"I said 'off the wrist'." Aha. So this little scene tells us River wasn't necessarily a Time Agent herself, and has no compunctions about purchasing goods someone lost a hand to have stolen. Though really, 52nd century medicine, a lost hand's probably easy to replace or grow back, nothing more than the equivalent of a 48 hour flu to the Time Agent.
-"The kind I just put in your wine." I'm not sure if this guy is less thrilled that River's got the better of him, or that he's going to have to wear that earring for the rest of his life to keep from exploding.
-Ah, yes. The ring box. With the ring. Neither of which should technically exist since Rory is "time-nommed", and yet they do. So, does she actually remember him and has repressed the memory, or have we got a boatload of bafflegab about the Crack effect and so forth incoming. Let's ponder that. *ponders deeply*
-"According to legend, on the cliff there's writing, letters fifty feet high, a message from the dawn of time." Ooo! Ooo! Let me guess! Slartibartfast's signature? No? Well, whatever River went back and wrote then, obviously. The girl does like to doodle on unique historical artifacts and locations.
-"The Tardis can translate anything." Not quite. It didn't have any luck with that writing on Krop Tor, the planet orbiting the black hole back in Series 2. So either Eleven's forgotten, the Tardis has put some points into improving translation, or Eleven is lying. Hm.
-*snerk* Oh River, you so whacky.
-Ah yes, and now the men in leather skirts appear, so news of Rory can't be far behind.
-"Hail Caesar!" Without any psychic paper even. Must be standard Roman Military operating procedure. If it has hooves, feed it, if it has wheels, oil it, and if it's dressed bizarrely and accompanied by an attractive red head, call it Caesar and kneel.
-Or River's kissed him. Of course. Poor thing. *tries not to wince at the very fake decorative stitching on the tunic*
-Yup. The famous "Tardis Go Boom" by Vincent Van Gogh, artist and part-time psychic, apparently. Unless it's a Crack effect, and so people the Doctor has altered the lives of recently (subjectively recently since if he's unmade by time, the effect of things he's done being undone would happen in reverse chronological order along his personal chronology, one would think, which means it's going to be a very long time before Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright find themselves unconcerned by any of their perfectly normal students and live out their perfectly normal lives peacefully teaching in a perfectly normal school in London. Poor Ian and Barbara) will be having visions of this sort of thing.
-And credits! Still hoping for an explanation for the lightning and fire, not expecting one at this stage. But it would be nice.
-Oooo. Clever Van Gogh.
-"The Pandorica Opens". Hm. "Tardis Go Boom" might have been more appealing for the mass market, but hey, it's a plot thing.
-"It was built to contain the most feared thing in all the universe." *raises an eyebrow at Eleven* Hmm...
-Well, Stonehenge. Why not indeed. Is the Pandorica actually a robot head terraforming pyramid?
-"Mightiest warrior in history." *raises another eyebrow* Right. I want to see the original version of the legend and get the direct translation, because the most dangerous thing in the universe isn't necessarily a warrior.
-BWAHAHAHAHAH! OH. MY. GOD. IT'S STONEHENGE AND THERE'S A ROBOT HEAD! \o/ Cyberman head, though, which is way worse. Well, crap.
-GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! SEVERED HEADS - ROBOT, CYBERMAN OR OTHERWISE - SHOULD JUST NEVER MOVE ON THEIR OWN! O.O
-Would you trust anyone who was about to open a door to the room with the big dangerous thing in it who had this expression?
-The Cybermen have been all over this thing, hm? Wonder what stopped them?
-Yep. Get right up close and touch it. Why the hell not, he's shoved his arm into the Crack, what's patting the formerly mythical box containing the most feared thing in the Universe to him. Eleven likes to grope dangerous things, apparently.
-I hate to say it, but from some perspectives, the thing Eleven is describing as 'the most feared thing in the universe' could very well be the Doctor. Shows up out of nowhere and changes everything for a lot of species, like Cybermen, Daleks, etc...
-"I hate good wizards in fairy tales. They always turn out to be him." *snerk* yeah, I can see that too.
-"It's kind of like Pandora's Box then." Why, yes, Amy. It's only half the name, which you've known since the first episode of the season. I think. Unless that happened while she was in the Prisoner Zero coma.
-"Hello, you. Have we met?" Um. Legendary dangerous thing breaking out of an unbreakoutable prison. Not really the time for flirting, Doctor.
-"You said everyone can hear it. So who else is coming?" Oh, as many as the BBC effects budget can afford I suppose. Daleks probably. We haven't seen them since they went all Voltron back in WWII. They're due to stick their eyestalks in soon.
-"Around this planet there are at least... 10,000 starships." Well, just the early birds then. I'd be surprised if half of them weren't trying to kill the other half before anyone got a chance to land. Except the Cybermen of course, who have left bits lying around that seem ominously capable of independent motion. Maybe they're spying...
-"They'll never expect three people to attack twelve thousand Dalek battleships, cause we'd be killed instantly so it would be a fairly short surprise. *headsonicscrewdriver*" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Yeah. Sometimes you need a little bit more than the element of surprise to defeat a battlefleet.
-Yes! Everybody's here as audio-only! Excellent budget savings maneuver!! \o/
-"Sontarans! Talk about cross, who stole all their handbags?" ...I have no idea. And if a Sontaran carried a handbag, wouldn't they call it a war satchel or something?
-*nodding at the list of species* Chelonians? Ooo. They've only been in the novels and audios before now! Welcome to televised canon, turtle people! \o/
-Drahvins! They haven't appeared or been mentioned in an episode since the First Doctor's time. Blonde matriarchy with a severe caste system.
-Hemo-goths, they're another one from the novels I think.
-Zygons, from the classic series (Terror of the Zygons, funnily enough). Big cone-headed gang with suckers.
-Atraxi, hey, those are the big eyeball guys from the start of this series!
-Draconians, from the Pertwee-era episode, Frontier in Space.
-And of course the rest of the usual suspects. Okay, the roll call of species was cool.
-Heheh. Yeah, there's not gonna be a whole lot of parking space left on Salisbury Plain, provided they all let each other land.
-"The Romans." *boggle* Versus an interstellar war fleet, are you insane??? Oh this ain't gonna be pretty.
-"She's in Egypt. And dead." Ooopsie. Didn't do your research.
-"*zap* Where do I come from?" Well, yeah, you can get a long way convincing Roman commanders to believe you by vapourizing their weapon credenza. Since they're out of kissing range.
-"It seems you have a volunteer." HI RORY!! \o/ I think!
-"There's gonna be a point to that, I'll get back to you." Pft. *headshake*
-Every warfleet in range is in orbit and the box with the most feared thing in it is opening, and you want to pull out the ring box and get into this now? It's like Rory and the kissing and the vampires all over again. You two are made for each other. *headdesk*
-"People fall out of the world sometimes, but they always leave traces." Very, very true.
-"So was she nice, your friend?"/*headringbox* Eleven has a habit of hitting himself in the forehead with things doesn't he?
-"It was too big, too many empty rooms." Entirely unlike the Tardis. Sure.
-"Does it ever bother you, Amy, that your life doesn't make any sense?" *pew!pew!* Yes. I realize it's all about Amy and the Crack and all that, but really, there are better times to discuss in depth whether a person's life makes sense or not, like say over a cup of coffee in a cozy cafe entirely unsurrounded by things that want to kill you. If I was a disembodied Cyber-arm, I'd start shooting too.
-"You know how sometimes have really brilliant ideas?"/"Yeah?"/"Sorry." *snerk*
-"LOOK AT ME I'M A TARGET!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! XD
-Hee!
-You know, I was wondering how long it would take that head to roll itself into attacking range.
-Obviously a lot less time since it has tentacles! That's just wrong. Gah!
-Oh crap.
-AAUAUAUUAUUUUUUUUGCH!!!!! O.O
-And then the next bit went something like this.
Cyberhead: *OM NOM NOM*
Amy: *shrieks*
Me: *face down on keyboard laughing*
Probably not the response they were hoping for when they wrote this bit, but there you are.
-Darts. Oh that's new. Also, not terribly fair, but if you can't dent a Cyberhead into non-functional junk when surrounded by rocks, a dart in the neck is about as fair as it gets. Also, there's something about losing a fight with a severed head that seems a bit pathetic. Even if it is a Cyberhead.
-"You and whose body?" Some questions should never be asked when nearing the time for a major plot point.
-Oh, hey! It's a zombie cyberman! It's looking for braaaaaains! XD
-Maaaaaybe put the big bar on the door before sticking your head right against it would be a good idea. Although you aren't exactly in your right mind, with the dart and all. What would be in that? Chemical toxin or poison remanufactured from assorted cyber-fluids? Nanites?
-Well, since the Cyberman didn't have a sword, I'm going to guess that's Rory who came down another way... somehow. *handwaves*
-Yep! HI RORY!!!! I MISSED YOU! PLEASE AVOID BEING DEAD FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME IN FUTURE!!!
-Arthur Darvill has some upper body strength. Karen Gillian's not huge, but she's not a stick insect either.
-Poor Rory. First it's like the Doctor doesn't recognize him, then he criticizes his command structure (which if Rory's a Centurion, he should be in command of a hundred troops, shouldn't he?) and then calls him by name, so maybe he does recognize him and doesn't care that Rory's been all alone, lost in time and building up to commanding a respectable segment of the Roman army. Poor Rory. Welcome back. *pats*
-"I'm missing something obvious, Rory, something big, something right slap in front of me, I can feel it."/"Yeah, you probably are." Poor poor Rory.
-*snerk*
-"Rory. I'm not trying to be rude, but you died." Hahahah, yes, awkward conversation starter that, and not a common one.
-*has giggles everywhere*
-"I died and turned into a Roman, it's very distracting." Don't mind me, I'll just be here laughing like a loon for a bit. XD
-"Did she miss me?" ...ow.
-Oooo, that's not good. Pretty, but not good.
-Also pretty and not good.
-I know the Romans were good with strategy, but what the blazes are fifty or a hundred Roman soldiers supposed to do against tens of thousands of battleships holding tens of thousands of warriors from various intergalactic species?
-"Guess who?" *facepalm*
-"Do the smart thing. Let somebody else try first." Ahahahahahaahahahahh! Yeah. That is the benefit of having a well-earned reputation as an intergalactic transtemporal bad-guy stopper and a damn fine speech.
-Also, if any descendants of Lucius Caecilius Iucundus and family (formerly of Pompeii) happen to be serving in that particular army, the odd choice of household gods their grandparents made a few decades ago just got a lot less mock-worthy.
-"That'll keep 'em squabbling for half an hour." Hee! Yep! Something like:
"You first!"
"No you, we insist!"
"Hey, what about the Sontarans, they should be charging in like the war-worshipping idiots they are."
"...We are reviewing our stratagems."
"Suuuuuure."
-"What's the matter with you?" Well, aside from your own assertion about the Tardis engine noise implying (by your own words not too long ago) that you have left the parking brake on, nothing at all. Or rather nothing that a giant vat of Universe Spackle won't fix. *looks around for hyperactive Cracks*
-"Oh you're the guy, yeah, the one that did the swordy-thing."/"...yup." Oh Roryyyyyy!
-OH MY GOD, THERE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO BE AN EXPLANATION FOR THE FREAKING CREDIT SEQUENCE!?!?! I DO NOT HAVE A SHOCKED ENOUGH EMOTICON FOR THIS SITUATION!!!
-*pays rapt attention to the Doctor explaining the Crack and Rory explaining that he's got a head full of Roman stuff and thought they'd come back for him, but she doesn't remember and Oh Rory*
-"Oh shut up." ...You know, Eleven, sometimes you can be a bit of an ass.
-Though the ring box return is nice, and there's probably an explanation forthcoming about that.
-"Go get 'er." ...Or not. Oh well.
-"900 years never seen one yet, but this would do me." Or there will be a reason and he doesn't know it yet. But whatever. Rory's back, and right now I'd even accept a giant unexplained plot-hole as a reason since it brought back Rory. Plot-Crack. Whatever.
-"You okay now?" Not particularly okay, because that's nothing like human or Gallifreyan displaying there, possibly the giant "WARNING: MAJOR LEAGUE BADASS ESCAPING CONFINEMENT" being beamed out by Stonehenge, possibly that you've just made her fly into something that's dangerous for her and you, in a 'please land here so you can explode in the next hour or so' sense. Also, the unexplained yet relevant lightning in the time vortex. And things. Also, the console's smoking. Not good for it.
-Or, you know, Fate takes the wheel. Console. Whatever. Regardless, *facepalm*
-Heeeeeey. If the Crack happened because the Tardis blew up, and Rory went and turned into a Roman instead of getting erased, maybe the Tardis saved him and put him where e needed to be to help with the pandorica. Hmmm. The Tardis has seemed to be getting more free will in her dotage, opening with a finger-snap and what not. Good for her.
-Aaaaaand if the Pandorica opening warning broadcast is the reason Van Gogh painted the Tardis exploding, then... Hmm.
-*crck* "Silence will fall." And there we are.
-Hee! The playback I have has been having little glitches in it throughout, but one appeared in the window of the house as River's widget started fleeping and I was all "OMG WHAT WAS THAT IN THE WINDOOOOOOOWWW!" but yeah. Digital glitch. Never mind.
-"Okay, so something's been here." Something that has big stubby feet, a case of splay-footedness and a very interesting shoeprint. Probably a ship landed. Looks a bit like a military rank insignia of some kind.
-So busy freaking out about the digital glitch in the window I totally did not notice the front door had been broken open. *facepalm*
-Aw, the Raggedy Doctor stuff.
-Aaaaaaand yeah, it's all about Amy, from Amy... Hmmm there is much thinking that should go here. So much thinking... Rory going back to Roman times, the Pandorica, the crack in her wall following her around, but why? It was there before the Doctor arrived, so it's her, and not his interaction with her. The house is too big and too empty. Did she ever actually have an aunt? Did the Tardis, while exploding, cross dimensions and end up in the imaginary world of one lonely little girl who grew up but never woke up? Is Rory real? Why did Amy not have a dream-world in that episode where the Doctor and Rory had one, but just bounced between them? I suddenly need more tea for this.
-"You've got a blanket." And she's not even in shock. Yet.
-"You're crying." Yep. Buried memories do that, even when they're sitting in front of you, talking to your face. Especially then, maybe.
-"Why am I happy?" As she looks at her fiance who's been killed and wiped from time. Oh Amy.
-Rory is being very good so far with the not pushing sudden memories on a person who is effectively amnesiac. Wonder if that's common sense, experience, or his nurses training? Although he might whip out that ring box soon and all hell will break loose.
-"They're not real. They can't be." Ahhh. I sense the other shoe beginning to succumb to gravity...
-"Something's using her memories, Amy's memories." ...Prisoner Zero? He did that kind of get in your head stuff, and could do multiple bodies... maybe they stuck him in the box and he's gotten more powerful? Or... I don't know. O.o
-...waaait. Have we seen that photo before? Seems to me it was seen in an earlier episode. Or am I thinking of icons again?
-They're all not real, and they're effected by things as though they're human, possibly because they believe they're real and will keep acting perfectly human until they're activated, I'm guessing by whatever's in the Pandorica. But none of them are real. Except for Rory... Or... No. Rory's real. Right? RIGHT??? O.O
-"It's me." Ohhhhhhh dammiiiiiit. Please be real, Rory?
-"It's a trap." They're using her memories to build a trap the Doctor will believe. How long since this started? Since the Crack when Amy was a kid? Did they, whoever they are, assuming there's a they, know where the Tardis would crash and plant the Crack in Amy's house a while sooner? Or are they using Amy's memories to build the trap and as a result, the Crack happens? This is the most I've thought about an episode this entire season. I LOVE THIS!!! \o/
-Even though that makes me think there's a vague chance Rory has never been real but I'm not thinking about that now!
-"I'm flying it perfectly, you taught me." Hang on. He taught her how to fly the Tardis, but what did she say about that before? Time of the Angels: River - "I had lessons from the very best." 11 - "Well yeah. *smugface*" River - "It's a shame you were busy that day." So, lying then or lying now. Seems to be an awful lot of lying going on, generally speaking.
-"It's the 26th of June, 2010." And this is Eleven's 'Oh crap!' face.
-"Silence will fall." Yeaaaaah, I'm thinking that's not a new ring tone for the Cloister Bell...
-"You're crying because you remember me." Ohhhhh Rory, please be real?
-"Someone else is flying it, I've lost control."/"But how, why?" He says, pacing back and forth in front of the giant glowing box full of scary something that has a warning transmitter hooked up to it that can reach through time and space. Gee, Eleven, I dunno. Maybe it's Air Traffic Control. *facepalm*
-And the box stops glowing and starts ringing. That, I suspect, is also not good.
-Ohhhhhh crap. The Romans are rebooting!!
-Oh, Rory, no. Dammit! D-:
-He's twitchy, though, maybe he's fighting it? *crosses fingers*
-The light's off on the Pandorica, all the Roman soldiers are standing perfectly still and staring straight ahead and Eleven hasn't noticed a thing except the ringing noise. Admittedly, he's trying to keep River and the Tardis from exploding and starting the Crack, but maintaining an awareness of immediate threats within twenty yards is handy for survival too.
-Oh, hey, the Nestene Consciousness is up there along with the rest of the , might they be Autons? Or some other remote control bad guy flunky? They aren't robot Santas, and there's too many of them to all be Dalek deep cover androids... Hm.
-Ooooo....
-Well, that's got his attention now. I still feel like it's going to be him in the box. Or something to do with Silence falling. Or it'll be empty. Something like that.
-Yup! Autons! Standard hand formation.
-"No, no please no! I'm not going! I'M RORY!" Oh, oh, oh, wow, he's fighting it, oh my god, Roryyyyyyyy! *flails*
-River's stuck in the Tardis and the Doctor's got a big glowing something in a box on one side and fifty Roman Autons on the other that he's finally noticing! *facepalm*
-Oh Rory.
-"Williams." Oh of course she's going to have the memory cascade right now, it's all tied up with the Crack and the Tardis explosion and everything.
-"You are Rory Williams and you aren't going anywhere ever again." But he's not him, he's an Auton with a personality and memories drawn from her, and she's finally remembered him and she's not going to let him go now that she's found him again, even though he's just an imitation, he's an imitation with the free will to fight to stay who his memories say he is, and who he wants to be, and there is so much meta about real world relationships that can be read into that but I'm not thinking about it because, just... *FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL*
-"Driven by the Nestene Consciousness, eh?" *is smug* \o/
-"You have been scanned, assessed, understood." Pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed and num- no wait, that's the Prisoner. Which the Doctor might be about to become if they're shoving him in the box. Anyway, sidetracked. That voice. Thaaaaat sounded like a new Dalek. One that's one fifth of a kindergarten paint-box and needs a lozenge. *nods*
-Hi white Dalek! You are the... arg. They're colour-coded now, you'd figure that would make it simpler to tell which one does what. Arg. *checks previous episode* Supreme Dalek. Well. Nice when the leader takes an active part in missions.
-Ooo, and red and yellow. Yellow is the 'Eternal' Dalek, not sure what that means unless it's a kind of historian, and the red Dalek is a drone. Heh. red shirt!
-"Show me the ring." Oh crap. This is what makes things go boom, isn't it? Particularly since Rory is having a hard enough time fighting off the Auton signal already.
-Oh crap, they all co-operated??? Wow. I guess in a way that's a huge victory for the Doctor to get them all working together on something... Hey, what are the Juddoon doing in on this, shouldn't they be arresting everyone? Or are they there to arrest whatever comes out of the box?
-"The Pandorica is ready!"/"Ready for what?" Hahahaha. yeah they're going to shove him in it and lock it up again and then run roughshod all over the universe (though that makes me wonder even more why the Juddoon are involved). Sounds like a grand plan. Except for all the Crack business and things exploding and Autons in love and whatnot.
-Oooo. Yep, empty and waiting. All a big trap. Looks, um... cozy...?
-"No." Ohhhh crap. I did not expect him to shoot her. Awesome! Not awesome that he shot her, awesome that I didn't see it coming. Okay, now what?
-...maaaaybe River blows the Tardis up trying to get out of it? O.o
-Oh hey, hi Silurians! Welcome to the party!
-And speaking of robot Santas incognito, hello roboforms! Who's the big guy with you... That's ooo. The one Ten and Rose were chasing around at the start of Love and Monsters. I don't recall the name.
-You know, when the box closes, there's either going to be a huge party, or a complete massacre.
-Aw, poor Eleven. It'll all get fixed next episode, don't worry. Just not tonight. *pats*
-"No! We will save the universe! From you!" *chokes on club soda* That might be the funniest thing I've ever heard a Sontaran say. XD
-"The Pandorica was constructed to ensure the safety of the Alliance." So, they built it then went back and seeded it into mythology, and everyone showing up was a big show so the Doctor bit the bait. And the signal 'the Pandorica is opening wasn't a warning at all, it's a call for the Alliance to assemble, and... wow. These guys have all been playing a very long game. O.O
-"Only the Doctor can pilot the Tardis." Um, but, in... Ohhh, right. Sorry, you're new. *pats Dalek*
-"Listen to meeeee!" Suuuuure. And how often in your entire life have they actually done that?
-Oh, well, nothing like a big rock wall in the face to let you know you're screwed.
-Heheh. I've seen a second-to-last of the season episode end with this sort of shot before. That all worked out fine in the end... mostly. Eventually. Actually it kind of lead to Lucifer getting released and an Apocalypse, and the overthrowing of Heaven and a whole lot of death, and they're still dealing with the trickle-down effect four or more seasons later depending how you count, but uh.... I'm sure this one will work out better. *nods*
-Ooo... That's um... O.O
Eep.
Well, I know they do get out of it, and I have several pretty definite ideas how, but getting from this point to that has me a little stymied. I like it! \o/
P.S. *ROFL* OH MY GOD, you poor people who watched this live! The ad at the end, "Look back at some of Amy's greatest moments," acting all grim and serious like she's permanently died? Man, that was mean of the BBC! D-:
Hoping to get to 5.13 sooner rather than later, because I'm running out o later.
All questions and ponderings are rhetorical, please don't answer them, and please no discussion of episodes I haven't got to yet, aka, nothing for DW 5.13 and onward.
Index of Series Five Reaction posts