Comments | caffienekitty: Random original poem

caffienekitty

Random original poem

Jan 08, 2010 15:19

( a poem about weather, nothing great )

poem?, original, weather

Comments 9

bugeyedmonster January 8 2010, 23:25:22 UTC

Nice.

caffienekitty January 9 2010, 10:26:12 UTC

Thanks

sxymami0909 January 9 2010, 01:40:47 UTC

I really like this. It was beautifully written. I particularly liked these lines:

"Wind breathes through,
seeking surreptitious crevices."

caffienekitty January 9 2010, 10:26:55 UTC

Thank you! :-)

(The comment has been removed)

caffienekitty January 9 2010, 10:28:18 UTC

Thanks. I don't get ambushed by poetry very often (or at least poetry I'm comfy with the world seeing) so I figured I should post it.

teithiwr January 9 2010, 23:43:33 UTC

Oh, this is well nice! I like the bareness of it, if you get what I mean? And in that vein, a wee bit of concrit: I'd lose the last line. I think the feeling comes across very well otherwise too, and the final line just underlines it a bit too much for my taste, you know?

caffienekitty January 10 2010, 02:17:44 UTC

Yeah, I wasn't too thrilled with the last line myself, but at the time my brain needed beaten with a brickbat saying "You. Are. Having. A. Moment. Of. Freaking. PEACE!!!" So that's why it stayed in. It wouldn't have otherwise. XD

dendritejungle January 11 2010, 23:35:08 UTC

Mmmm. Lovely.

caffienekitty January 12 2010, 06:52:54 UTC

Thank you :-)