DCDD Comment Fic Serial Story: Life, After
During the week of September 7 - 13, 2015, I provided the pictures for Daily Captain and Daily Doctor. With each pairing of pictures was a small part of a short story that was untitled at the time.
This week, January 11-17, I'm doing DCDD again, and I decided to add words to each pairing that continues the story. It won't be necessary to read the first part to understand the story that goes with this week's pictures, but I figured I'd put it up here, for easy access.
Each day's part is accompanied by a link to see the pictures, which can only be accessed if you are a member of the jim-and-bones lj community. Click here to join, if you haven't already.
A note about the title, "Life, After" - it is inspired by the following quotation by Lindsay Fischer in The House on Sunset: "There is life after abuse. This is mine."
A note about what this story is about: Jim and Bones meet up in an apartment building that Jim has moved in to as he hides from an abusive ex. Slowly, they get to know each other, and Jim begins the process of coming back to himself. This story deals with domestic abuse.
.
MONDAY - SEPTEMBER 7
He didn’t have much with him. Packing wasn’t really something he was concerned about. Getting out was his main concern. He could replace things.
Exhausted, Jim dropped the third suitcase on the floor and leaned against the closed door with a sigh. He looked around the sparsely furnished studio apartment. It wasn’t much - but it had a bed, electricity, wasn’t expensive, and most importantly, was far away from where he’d started.
Jim turned and locked the apartment door, throwing the deadbolt and engaging the handle lock. He eyed the items he’d picked up from a local hardware store down the street and weighed the prospect of finding the building super and getting him to install the chain lock and contact alarm now against the pull of the bed in the corner. He’d been traveling all night, and it was impossible to sleep on that damn bus. He’d been too jumpy to sleep anyway.
Here though…he felt like he could sleep here. But not without the additional lock and alarm.
Jim let himself out of the apartment and made his way down to the office the super used during the day only to find a note tacked to the door.
Family emergency - gone for the day. Emergencies see Leo apt. 3c
Jim hesitated. Installing an additional lock wasn’t an emergency. But maybe the guy in 3c had tools he could borrow. He could do it himself.
He headed back up the stairs to 3c and knocked. Waited. Knocked again. He could hear voices - maybe a tv - coming from the
apartment, so he knocked again…and jumped back in surprise when a very surly looking man yanked his door open.
“What?” he barked.
His hair was disheveled, and he squinted in the light of the hallway. “Oh…I - I’m sorry,” Jim stammered. “I thought - the super left a note and…”
The man muttered something under his breath. “Yeah, you’re in the right place. What do you want?”
“I - uh - I just moved in, and I have some things…do you have a toolbox I could - “ Jim trailed off when the man - Leo, apparently - abruptly walked away from him, leaving the door open. He came back with a box that he thrust at Jim.
“Just leave it outside the door when you’re done,” Leo said, then closed the door in Jim’s face.
“O - Okay. Um…thanks!” he said, raising his voice a little to be heard.
Feeling a little unsettled by the encounter, Jim quickly retreated to his apartment. He used the tools to install the additional lock and the contact alarm. Only then did he finally feel safe enough to fall into bed, returning the toolbox not even crossing his mind, and he was asleep between one free breath and the next.
.
TUESDAY - SEPTEMBER 8
Leo stopped by the kid’s apartment on his way out. He paused outside the door taking a second to listen before knocking. As always, it was quiet. He knew Jim was in there - he never left - but he also never played the radio, never had the t.v. on, never had any type of background noise.
Strange.
Leo raised his hand to knock but before he could, the door was yanked open. The kid stood there, an expression on his face that Leo couldn’t name before Jim replaced it with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Leo noticed he held a hammer at his side.
“Bones!” he said. “Why are you creeping around outside my door?”
“I’m not creeping,” he said indignantly, rolling his eyes at the ridiculous nickname he’d been given. “I was just going to knock.”
After another second, Jim stepped back and tilted his head in invitation. Leo followed him in, nodding at the hammer in his grip.
“Hanging pictures?”
“What? Oh - uh…no. I was just putting it away,” he replied. He put it down on a little side table by the front door. “So,” he said, settling back down on the sofa, a pile of laundry he was folding next to him. “What’s up?”
“I’m leaving for work - twelve hour shift - and I’m gonna stop at the corner store on the way home. Need anything?” he asked.
This had become part of the routine. In the four weeks the kid had lived here, he never left the apartment building. He’d had groceries delivered a couple of times, said he telecommuted for work, and he appeared to only leave his apartment to do laundry in the basement and, lately, visit Leo. So, When Leo went out, he’d taken to ask if Jim needed anything.
At first, Leo had thought that maybe he was agoraphobic. But then, one night they ran into each other on the roof.
Jim turned and looked at him with a small smile. “You don’t have to always ask, Bones,” he said.
Leo shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
“Well, thanks. I actually need milk. And cookies. Chocolate chip. One sec.”
Leo watched as Jim jumped up and pulled some money out of the pockets of his jeans.
“Milk and cookies. How old are you?” Leo gently teased. He accepted the money as Jim shrugged.
“Milk and cookies has no age limit,” Jim said. “Someone famous said that.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Leo waved him off with a smile and pulled the door open to go.
“Thanks Bones,” Jim said. “Go save some lives.”
“See ya later, Jim.”
Jim closed the door and Leo stood in the hall, listening as he engaged all three locks on his door, then puzzling over Jim’s quirks, headed out.
That night on the roof they’d sat up there for hours, each having come up alone and ending up together, drinking and talking till the sun just started to peak over the edge of the world. Jim had learned a lot about Leo that night. Leo hadn’t learned nearly as much about Jim. But it was obvious that he’d been through something. He was so cautious and closed off…and maybe scared. But he was also lonely and in need of a connection. And Leo decided to reach out.
.
WEDNESDAY - SEPTEMBER 9
There was no other way. And…maybe it was time. The thought of leaving the safety of his apartment and the secure apartment building made his palms sweat and his mouth go dry, but it’d been six weeks. He was safe. He’d be safe if he left to run an errand to the bank.
But where he needed to go was too far to contemplate using public transportation. There was no safety in the open of being on a bus or the subway.
However - he had a friend who had a car, and he was waiting for him downstairs.
Jim gathered the paperwork, his wallet and his keys, and left the apartment, locking the door carefully behind him. He wished he could set the contact alarm, but it didn’t work that way. If he wasn’t in the apartment, it couldn’t be turned on. Instead, he placed a piece of clear tape across the very bottom of the door and door jam. If it was opened while he was gone, he’d know it.
Jim hurried down the stairs, and came to the entrance to the building. He stood behind the closed door, hand on the handle, his heart thudding in his chest. It was the middle of the day. Bright and busy. Exposed.
But he’d been so careful. He was safe. And…he wasn’t alone.
Bbbrrrriiinnnngggg
His pre-pay cellphone rang in his pocket, and he was wound so tight with nerves he jumped. Closing his eyes for a moment, swallowing, he fished the phone out of his pocket and checked the number.
Bones.
“Sorry, I’m coming now,” Jim said.
“Don’t have all day, kid,”
Jim hung up and took another deep breath, then pushed the door open. The sun was so bright after weeks of being indoors that his watering eyes were momentarily blinded and he had to squint, fighting the rush of nerves over not being able to see clearly. Bones’ car was idling at the curb waiting for him, so without giving himself a chance to think on it and freak himself out again, he ran down the stairs and hurried around to the driver’s side. He pulled the back door open and slid into the seat, happy that the windows were tinted.
Bones turned in his seat to look behind himself, surprised that Jim wasn’t in the passenger seat beside him.
“What’re you doing back there? I’m a doctor, not a chauffeur,” he said.
“I - I know,” Jim said hesitantly, trying to calm his racing heart. “Can I just…sit back here?” He couldn’t look at Bones as he asked this, because he knew what he’d see. The same thing that he’d been seeing for a while now. Unvoiced questions, suspicions, that he was trying to figure things out, that he wanted to talk about things Jim just wanted to forget. And driving all that, heartfelt concern.
And Jim prayed he wouldn’t ask. Not now. Being out was already enough stress; he couldn’t handle having to explain that the back seat provided more cover than sitting in the front.
“Yeah, Jim. You can sit back there,” Bones said softly. Then he turned back around and put the car in gear. “So…Where are we goin’?”
.
THURSDAY - SEPTEMBER 10
Though the visit to the bank had been uneventful, the kid had been so jumpy, casting furtive glances around, he’d put bank security on edge. Leo was concerned. Jim had become a friend over the last few weeks, and there was something about him that Leo felt drawn to. And to see him live his life so closed off and so afraid made Leo want to do something.
But Jim hadn’t confided anything to him yet. And Leo decided that it was time to say something.
“Let’s stop for lunch,” Leo said - pushing, testing. “I’m starved.” He glanced in the rearview mirror at Jim who was sitting in the backseat, still looking unaccountably tense. “What do you feel like eating?”
“Uh…let’s just go home. I have the stuff for sandwiches…or we can order in. My treat,” Jim offered, trying to keep his voice light.
Leo sighed. “Jim…”
“Bones…just…please.”
So, they went home, but Jim knew the conversation he’d forestalled twice today was coming. He let himself into his apartment after confirming the strip of tape was still in place, and left the door open in invitation to Leo who was right behind him.
Jim sat, the inevitability of this conversation weighing on him. Leo kept his eyes on Jim as they sat. He hadn’t missed the tape at the bottom of the door, and his heart went out to the kid. It must be so hard to live life always on guard. He must feel so alone.
Jim glanced up at him, then away again. Leo waited, and Jim looked like he might say something, but he couldn’t make the words come. So Leo did.
“Jim - are you in danger?”
Jim let out a breath and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “I - uh, no. I don’t think so. Not anymore.”
“But you were. Was it…did you leave someone?” Leo gently pressed.
Jim leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, head bowed as he stared hard at the ground.
“Y-yes.” His voice cracked on that one word, and with that he admitted a lot more that Leo had suspected. “I, uh. I’m s-still--”
Leo reached out hesitantly, wanting to comfort, but unsure how Jim would respond. In the end, he trusted his instincts and placed his hand on the back of Jim’s neck, squeezing gently.
“You’re still scared,” Leo said, thinking about all the things he’d noticed about Jim that made a hell of lot more sense now. He pressed his lips together. Whatever had happened, it’d done a number on the kid.
“Yeah,” Jim admitted in barely above a whisper.
“You don’t have to be scared of me,” Leo said quietly. He gave Jim another squeeze, then withdrew his hand, wanting to make sure he had space.
“I know.”
“What can I do?”
Jim looked up, meeting Leo’s eyes finally. “Everything you already are.”
.
FRIDAY - SEPTEMBER 11
Things were different after he finally admitted to Bones what he’d suspected for so long. But not bad different. Good different. Surprisingly good, different. Because for the first time in a long time, Jim didn’t feel alone. And though - if he was being honest with himself - he was still afraid, he no longer felt overwhelmed.
And it was Bones who’d made that difference for him. By being there, and listening. And, slowly but surely, bit by bit, the story of what had happened to bring him to this point came out. And he felt like the more he was able to share, the lighter he felt.
He also really appreciated having someone to go to when he didn’t want to be alone. Sleep just wasn’t coming peacefully tonight, but Bones was home, so after giving a perfunctory knock, he let himself into Bones’ apartment. He never had his door locked when he was home, but he didn’t mind it when Jim locked it behind himself when he was visiting. He just didn’t feel comfortable enough to be in an unsecured place.
“Hey Bones,” he said quietly.
“One sec, Jim,” Bones replied. He was working on his whiteboard, making notes on a schedule diagram. Jim sat at the breakfast bar, and leaned forward on his elbows, watching Bones work. He was a surgical attending with several interns under him, and Jim knew that this part of his job - the administrative crap - was the bane of his existence. Having to schedule shifts around practicals and labs was something he struggled with every month, and it looked like that was what he was working on now. “Done. That should do it,” Bones said after a few minutes.
He capped the markers he’d been using and turned to look at Jim. “You’re up late.”
“So are you.”
“I’m working. What’s your excuse?”
Jim lowered his gaze and his shoulders hunched. “Can’t sleep,” he admitted.
He could feel Bones regarding him quietly for a few seconds. “Want a beer?” he asked.
Silently, Jim shook his head, willing Bones to somehow understand what it was he needed, but just couldn’t ask for.
“I was gonna sack out on the couch and find some horrible movie to fall asleep to. Care to join?” Bones asked.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Jim said, so grateful that…somehow…Bones understood.
Bones grabbed blankets and pillows from the bedroom and carried them over to couch where Jim was standing uncertainly.
“Well make yourself comfortable,” Bones said, tossing a pillow at his head. “I call the ottoman.”
Put at ease by Bones’ carefree accepting attitude, Jim toed off his sneakers and took one end of the couch, curling his legs under him though there was room to stretch out. He wasn’t used to being allowed to take the room he wanted - and he didn’t want to be an annoyance. Bones tossed him a blanket and turned on the t.v. They settled on some SyFy movie that was truly awful in all the best ways, and watched quietly in the darkened apartment.
Jim, tired from not ever sleeping well, hardly made it past an hour. After he fell asleep, Leo watched him contemplatively. The kid had been cooped up in this building for almost three months, except for that one trip to the bank, and it wasn’t doing him any good. How could he get on with any kind of life if he was just…stuck?
Leo had an idea, though. They’d talk about it tomorrow.
In the meantime, Jim was sleeping peacefully for now, and though Leo could get up and go to his own bed, he found he didn’t want to, preferring to stay close in case that changed.
.
SATURDAY - SEPTEMBER 12
“This was such a great idea Bones. I haven’t been camping since I was a little kid. Thanks for doing this with me,” Jim said.
Leo glanced over at him and gave him a quick smile. “No thanks necessary. It’s been too long for me, too.”
Jim had been living so cooped up for months, afraid to be out, afraid that the person he’d left would be looking for him, so Leo thought this might be the way to go. To be out in nature, just the two of them, and give Jim a chance to relax. And Jim…he’d agreed immediately. It hadn’t been easy to make the arrangements to be able to be away from the hospital and his idiot interns for three consecutive days, but it was worth it. Jim was worth it.
“He, um…he really wouldn’t let me do stuff like this,” Jim said quietly as he stared out of the window. “He really wouldn’t let me do anything at all.”
Leo resisted the urge to look at him, keeping his eyes on the road instead. “No?” he said carefully.
“No. He said he didn’t like it when I wasn’t with him, and he hated being being outside.”
Leo didn’t say anything to that, waiting to see if Jim would share anything else. For the last couple of weeks Jim had started mentioning specific things his abuser had put him through - but always like this. Just kinda dropped into conversation and abandoned, as if Jim was waiting to see how Leo would react to each thing he admitted. And Leo figured out quickly that pursuing information was exactly what he shouldn’t do. Asking resulted in Jim’s silence. His silence, on the other hand, seemed to allow Jim to share more.
“It happened slowly,” Jim said, after another minute. “And I didn’t realize it until it was too late, but he was isolating me more and more until all there was was me and him.”
“That’s very common,” Leonard said, striving to keep his voice steady and the anger he was feeling out of it. “It must’ve been very lonely for you.”
“Yeah,” Jim said softly.
“But you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” Leo said, glancing at him and offering him a heartfelt smile. “Now you can do whatever you want….make new friends all you want.”
Jim smiled and flushed, fidgeting with the jacket he was holding. “I don’t know why anyone would want me…still can’t figure out why you tolerate me.”
Leo’s heart clenched because he knew Jim wasn’t fishing for complements or being falsely modest. The asshole he’d left had systemically broken him down with years of abuse…subtle mental abuse at first that escalated - as it usually did - to physical abuse.
And Jim - young and inexperienced - didn’t recognize what was happening. Instead, saw truth in his abuser’s accusation that it was his own fault, that he loved him so much, it made him crazy, and - most heartbreakingly - believed the tearful apologies and promises that it would never happen again. Until it did. Because of Jim, of course.
A vicious cycle that had trapped him, until he’d managed to break out of the cycle by leaving.
“It’s not a matter of tolerating you, Jim,” Leonard said. “I actually like you. Trust me, I wouldn’t spend my rare days off with just anyone.”
They arrived at the camp ground and parked alongside the few other cars that were there. They strapped on their packs - almost all of Jim’s stuff newly bought - and they headed down the trail to find a spot that looked good.
Suddenly, Jim turned to him. “This was a really good idea, Bones. I know I said it before but…thank you. It means a lot.”
Leo raised his eyebrows. “You thank me now,” he teased. “We’ll see if you feel that way afterwards.”
Jim laughed at that, bright and loud, and Leo resolved to draw more of that out of him. As much as he could.
.
SUNDAY - SEPTEMBER 13
It’d been almost a year, and Jim felt…safe. Free. Happy.
All things that, when he was in the middle of things, before he’d finally left, he hadn’t thought he could ever be. He’d been mired in that toxic, dangerous environment, convinced that he didn’t deserve it, that he wasn’t good enough, that he was treated as “less” because he was actually worth less. That things he did and said proved the point that his abuser had hammered home.
”What the fuck is wrong with you, Jim? Why do you keep making me do this? Do you like it, you sick fuck?”
The words echoed in his mind occasionally, but not like they used to. Not like the way he used to ask them of himself, and certainly not like the way they were screamed at him in fits of rage over whatever transgression Jim was accused of having committed.
Now, they were just old ghosts trying to get back in. And there were bad days - usually followed by bad nights - when the memories of what he’d run from came back, like a recurring cancer…never quite gone no matter what he did.
But Jim wasn’t alone with those ghosts anymore. Hadn’t been, for a while. Now, there was a stronger voice. Sometimes sharply witty or sarcastic, but always gentle. And that voice could scatter the ghosts as quickly as turning on a light.
Bones.
Bones was always there to remind him of the truth. That the sick fuck was the other guy, not Jim. That Jim was the stronger one. Because he lived through it, bowed but unbroken. Because he had the strength to get away when he realized what he had to do. Because he had the tenacity to start over. Because he had the courage to imagine something better, and then make it happen for himself.
Bones reminded him of all of that, and most importantly, Bones reminded him that he was worthy of all good things - safety, freedom, happiness…and love. Real love that came without conditions or caveats or demands or threats.
And that…kind of scared Jim. A little. Loving someone else didn’t turn out well before. And…he wasn’t even sure Bones felt the same.
“Jim, you payin’ attention to me kid?” Bones asked, looking over at him.
“Hm? Yeah, sorry,” Jim replied.
Bones snorted. “Sure you were. You looked a thousand miles away. What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?”
Jim looked up at him, eyes bright and happy, a small smile just starting on his face. Something soft came into his Bones’ eyes as they looked at each other until flushed and cleared his throat.
“Okay, kid, so…you press out the dough like this…”
Bones went back to what he was doing, educating Jim in the proper way to make a pot pie, and Jim thought maybe…with the right person…there was nothing to be scared of.
Click here for the first part of the continuation with Monday's DCDD pics
This week, January 11-17, I'm doing DCDD again, and I decided to add words to each pairing that continues the story. It won't be necessary to read the first part to understand the story that goes with this week's pictures, but I figured I'd put it up here, for easy access.
Each day's part is accompanied by a link to see the pictures, which can only be accessed if you are a member of the jim-and-bones lj community. Click here to join, if you haven't already.
A note about the title, "Life, After" - it is inspired by the following quotation by Lindsay Fischer in The House on Sunset: "There is life after abuse. This is mine."
A note about what this story is about: Jim and Bones meet up in an apartment building that Jim has moved in to as he hides from an abusive ex. Slowly, they get to know each other, and Jim begins the process of coming back to himself. This story deals with domestic abuse.
.
MONDAY - SEPTEMBER 7
He didn’t have much with him. Packing wasn’t really something he was concerned about. Getting out was his main concern. He could replace things.
Exhausted, Jim dropped the third suitcase on the floor and leaned against the closed door with a sigh. He looked around the sparsely furnished studio apartment. It wasn’t much - but it had a bed, electricity, wasn’t expensive, and most importantly, was far away from where he’d started.
Jim turned and locked the apartment door, throwing the deadbolt and engaging the handle lock. He eyed the items he’d picked up from a local hardware store down the street and weighed the prospect of finding the building super and getting him to install the chain lock and contact alarm now against the pull of the bed in the corner. He’d been traveling all night, and it was impossible to sleep on that damn bus. He’d been too jumpy to sleep anyway.
Here though…he felt like he could sleep here. But not without the additional lock and alarm.
Jim let himself out of the apartment and made his way down to the office the super used during the day only to find a note tacked to the door.
Family emergency - gone for the day. Emergencies see Leo apt. 3c
Jim hesitated. Installing an additional lock wasn’t an emergency. But maybe the guy in 3c had tools he could borrow. He could do it himself.
He headed back up the stairs to 3c and knocked. Waited. Knocked again. He could hear voices - maybe a tv - coming from the
apartment, so he knocked again…and jumped back in surprise when a very surly looking man yanked his door open.
“What?” he barked.
His hair was disheveled, and he squinted in the light of the hallway. “Oh…I - I’m sorry,” Jim stammered. “I thought - the super left a note and…”
The man muttered something under his breath. “Yeah, you’re in the right place. What do you want?”
“I - uh - I just moved in, and I have some things…do you have a toolbox I could - “ Jim trailed off when the man - Leo, apparently - abruptly walked away from him, leaving the door open. He came back with a box that he thrust at Jim.
“Just leave it outside the door when you’re done,” Leo said, then closed the door in Jim’s face.
“O - Okay. Um…thanks!” he said, raising his voice a little to be heard.
Feeling a little unsettled by the encounter, Jim quickly retreated to his apartment. He used the tools to install the additional lock and the contact alarm. Only then did he finally feel safe enough to fall into bed, returning the toolbox not even crossing his mind, and he was asleep between one free breath and the next.
.
TUESDAY - SEPTEMBER 8
Leo stopped by the kid’s apartment on his way out. He paused outside the door taking a second to listen before knocking. As always, it was quiet. He knew Jim was in there - he never left - but he also never played the radio, never had the t.v. on, never had any type of background noise.
Strange.
Leo raised his hand to knock but before he could, the door was yanked open. The kid stood there, an expression on his face that Leo couldn’t name before Jim replaced it with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Leo noticed he held a hammer at his side.
“Bones!” he said. “Why are you creeping around outside my door?”
“I’m not creeping,” he said indignantly, rolling his eyes at the ridiculous nickname he’d been given. “I was just going to knock.”
After another second, Jim stepped back and tilted his head in invitation. Leo followed him in, nodding at the hammer in his grip.
“Hanging pictures?”
“What? Oh - uh…no. I was just putting it away,” he replied. He put it down on a little side table by the front door. “So,” he said, settling back down on the sofa, a pile of laundry he was folding next to him. “What’s up?”
“I’m leaving for work - twelve hour shift - and I’m gonna stop at the corner store on the way home. Need anything?” he asked.
This had become part of the routine. In the four weeks the kid had lived here, he never left the apartment building. He’d had groceries delivered a couple of times, said he telecommuted for work, and he appeared to only leave his apartment to do laundry in the basement and, lately, visit Leo. So, When Leo went out, he’d taken to ask if Jim needed anything.
At first, Leo had thought that maybe he was agoraphobic. But then, one night they ran into each other on the roof.
Jim turned and looked at him with a small smile. “You don’t have to always ask, Bones,” he said.
Leo shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
“Well, thanks. I actually need milk. And cookies. Chocolate chip. One sec.”
Leo watched as Jim jumped up and pulled some money out of the pockets of his jeans.
“Milk and cookies. How old are you?” Leo gently teased. He accepted the money as Jim shrugged.
“Milk and cookies has no age limit,” Jim said. “Someone famous said that.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Leo waved him off with a smile and pulled the door open to go.
“Thanks Bones,” Jim said. “Go save some lives.”
“See ya later, Jim.”
Jim closed the door and Leo stood in the hall, listening as he engaged all three locks on his door, then puzzling over Jim’s quirks, headed out.
That night on the roof they’d sat up there for hours, each having come up alone and ending up together, drinking and talking till the sun just started to peak over the edge of the world. Jim had learned a lot about Leo that night. Leo hadn’t learned nearly as much about Jim. But it was obvious that he’d been through something. He was so cautious and closed off…and maybe scared. But he was also lonely and in need of a connection. And Leo decided to reach out.
.
WEDNESDAY - SEPTEMBER 9
There was no other way. And…maybe it was time. The thought of leaving the safety of his apartment and the secure apartment building made his palms sweat and his mouth go dry, but it’d been six weeks. He was safe. He’d be safe if he left to run an errand to the bank.
But where he needed to go was too far to contemplate using public transportation. There was no safety in the open of being on a bus or the subway.
However - he had a friend who had a car, and he was waiting for him downstairs.
Jim gathered the paperwork, his wallet and his keys, and left the apartment, locking the door carefully behind him. He wished he could set the contact alarm, but it didn’t work that way. If he wasn’t in the apartment, it couldn’t be turned on. Instead, he placed a piece of clear tape across the very bottom of the door and door jam. If it was opened while he was gone, he’d know it.
Jim hurried down the stairs, and came to the entrance to the building. He stood behind the closed door, hand on the handle, his heart thudding in his chest. It was the middle of the day. Bright and busy. Exposed.
But he’d been so careful. He was safe. And…he wasn’t alone.
Bbbrrrriiinnnngggg
His pre-pay cellphone rang in his pocket, and he was wound so tight with nerves he jumped. Closing his eyes for a moment, swallowing, he fished the phone out of his pocket and checked the number.
Bones.
“Sorry, I’m coming now,” Jim said.
“Don’t have all day, kid,”
Jim hung up and took another deep breath, then pushed the door open. The sun was so bright after weeks of being indoors that his watering eyes were momentarily blinded and he had to squint, fighting the rush of nerves over not being able to see clearly. Bones’ car was idling at the curb waiting for him, so without giving himself a chance to think on it and freak himself out again, he ran down the stairs and hurried around to the driver’s side. He pulled the back door open and slid into the seat, happy that the windows were tinted.
Bones turned in his seat to look behind himself, surprised that Jim wasn’t in the passenger seat beside him.
“What’re you doing back there? I’m a doctor, not a chauffeur,” he said.
“I - I know,” Jim said hesitantly, trying to calm his racing heart. “Can I just…sit back here?” He couldn’t look at Bones as he asked this, because he knew what he’d see. The same thing that he’d been seeing for a while now. Unvoiced questions, suspicions, that he was trying to figure things out, that he wanted to talk about things Jim just wanted to forget. And driving all that, heartfelt concern.
And Jim prayed he wouldn’t ask. Not now. Being out was already enough stress; he couldn’t handle having to explain that the back seat provided more cover than sitting in the front.
“Yeah, Jim. You can sit back there,” Bones said softly. Then he turned back around and put the car in gear. “So…Where are we goin’?”
.
THURSDAY - SEPTEMBER 10
Though the visit to the bank had been uneventful, the kid had been so jumpy, casting furtive glances around, he’d put bank security on edge. Leo was concerned. Jim had become a friend over the last few weeks, and there was something about him that Leo felt drawn to. And to see him live his life so closed off and so afraid made Leo want to do something.
But Jim hadn’t confided anything to him yet. And Leo decided that it was time to say something.
“Let’s stop for lunch,” Leo said - pushing, testing. “I’m starved.” He glanced in the rearview mirror at Jim who was sitting in the backseat, still looking unaccountably tense. “What do you feel like eating?”
“Uh…let’s just go home. I have the stuff for sandwiches…or we can order in. My treat,” Jim offered, trying to keep his voice light.
Leo sighed. “Jim…”
“Bones…just…please.”
So, they went home, but Jim knew the conversation he’d forestalled twice today was coming. He let himself into his apartment after confirming the strip of tape was still in place, and left the door open in invitation to Leo who was right behind him.
Jim sat, the inevitability of this conversation weighing on him. Leo kept his eyes on Jim as they sat. He hadn’t missed the tape at the bottom of the door, and his heart went out to the kid. It must be so hard to live life always on guard. He must feel so alone.
Jim glanced up at him, then away again. Leo waited, and Jim looked like he might say something, but he couldn’t make the words come. So Leo did.
“Jim - are you in danger?”
Jim let out a breath and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “I - uh, no. I don’t think so. Not anymore.”
“But you were. Was it…did you leave someone?” Leo gently pressed.
Jim leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, head bowed as he stared hard at the ground.
“Y-yes.” His voice cracked on that one word, and with that he admitted a lot more that Leo had suspected. “I, uh. I’m s-still--”
Leo reached out hesitantly, wanting to comfort, but unsure how Jim would respond. In the end, he trusted his instincts and placed his hand on the back of Jim’s neck, squeezing gently.
“You’re still scared,” Leo said, thinking about all the things he’d noticed about Jim that made a hell of lot more sense now. He pressed his lips together. Whatever had happened, it’d done a number on the kid.
“Yeah,” Jim admitted in barely above a whisper.
“You don’t have to be scared of me,” Leo said quietly. He gave Jim another squeeze, then withdrew his hand, wanting to make sure he had space.
“I know.”
“What can I do?”
Jim looked up, meeting Leo’s eyes finally. “Everything you already are.”
.
FRIDAY - SEPTEMBER 11
Things were different after he finally admitted to Bones what he’d suspected for so long. But not bad different. Good different. Surprisingly good, different. Because for the first time in a long time, Jim didn’t feel alone. And though - if he was being honest with himself - he was still afraid, he no longer felt overwhelmed.
And it was Bones who’d made that difference for him. By being there, and listening. And, slowly but surely, bit by bit, the story of what had happened to bring him to this point came out. And he felt like the more he was able to share, the lighter he felt.
He also really appreciated having someone to go to when he didn’t want to be alone. Sleep just wasn’t coming peacefully tonight, but Bones was home, so after giving a perfunctory knock, he let himself into Bones’ apartment. He never had his door locked when he was home, but he didn’t mind it when Jim locked it behind himself when he was visiting. He just didn’t feel comfortable enough to be in an unsecured place.
“Hey Bones,” he said quietly.
“One sec, Jim,” Bones replied. He was working on his whiteboard, making notes on a schedule diagram. Jim sat at the breakfast bar, and leaned forward on his elbows, watching Bones work. He was a surgical attending with several interns under him, and Jim knew that this part of his job - the administrative crap - was the bane of his existence. Having to schedule shifts around practicals and labs was something he struggled with every month, and it looked like that was what he was working on now. “Done. That should do it,” Bones said after a few minutes.
He capped the markers he’d been using and turned to look at Jim. “You’re up late.”
“So are you.”
“I’m working. What’s your excuse?”
Jim lowered his gaze and his shoulders hunched. “Can’t sleep,” he admitted.
He could feel Bones regarding him quietly for a few seconds. “Want a beer?” he asked.
Silently, Jim shook his head, willing Bones to somehow understand what it was he needed, but just couldn’t ask for.
“I was gonna sack out on the couch and find some horrible movie to fall asleep to. Care to join?” Bones asked.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Jim said, so grateful that…somehow…Bones understood.
Bones grabbed blankets and pillows from the bedroom and carried them over to couch where Jim was standing uncertainly.
“Well make yourself comfortable,” Bones said, tossing a pillow at his head. “I call the ottoman.”
Put at ease by Bones’ carefree accepting attitude, Jim toed off his sneakers and took one end of the couch, curling his legs under him though there was room to stretch out. He wasn’t used to being allowed to take the room he wanted - and he didn’t want to be an annoyance. Bones tossed him a blanket and turned on the t.v. They settled on some SyFy movie that was truly awful in all the best ways, and watched quietly in the darkened apartment.
Jim, tired from not ever sleeping well, hardly made it past an hour. After he fell asleep, Leo watched him contemplatively. The kid had been cooped up in this building for almost three months, except for that one trip to the bank, and it wasn’t doing him any good. How could he get on with any kind of life if he was just…stuck?
Leo had an idea, though. They’d talk about it tomorrow.
In the meantime, Jim was sleeping peacefully for now, and though Leo could get up and go to his own bed, he found he didn’t want to, preferring to stay close in case that changed.
.
SATURDAY - SEPTEMBER 12
“This was such a great idea Bones. I haven’t been camping since I was a little kid. Thanks for doing this with me,” Jim said.
Leo glanced over at him and gave him a quick smile. “No thanks necessary. It’s been too long for me, too.”
Jim had been living so cooped up for months, afraid to be out, afraid that the person he’d left would be looking for him, so Leo thought this might be the way to go. To be out in nature, just the two of them, and give Jim a chance to relax. And Jim…he’d agreed immediately. It hadn’t been easy to make the arrangements to be able to be away from the hospital and his idiot interns for three consecutive days, but it was worth it. Jim was worth it.
“He, um…he really wouldn’t let me do stuff like this,” Jim said quietly as he stared out of the window. “He really wouldn’t let me do anything at all.”
Leo resisted the urge to look at him, keeping his eyes on the road instead. “No?” he said carefully.
“No. He said he didn’t like it when I wasn’t with him, and he hated being being outside.”
Leo didn’t say anything to that, waiting to see if Jim would share anything else. For the last couple of weeks Jim had started mentioning specific things his abuser had put him through - but always like this. Just kinda dropped into conversation and abandoned, as if Jim was waiting to see how Leo would react to each thing he admitted. And Leo figured out quickly that pursuing information was exactly what he shouldn’t do. Asking resulted in Jim’s silence. His silence, on the other hand, seemed to allow Jim to share more.
“It happened slowly,” Jim said, after another minute. “And I didn’t realize it until it was too late, but he was isolating me more and more until all there was was me and him.”
“That’s very common,” Leonard said, striving to keep his voice steady and the anger he was feeling out of it. “It must’ve been very lonely for you.”
“Yeah,” Jim said softly.
“But you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” Leo said, glancing at him and offering him a heartfelt smile. “Now you can do whatever you want….make new friends all you want.”
Jim smiled and flushed, fidgeting with the jacket he was holding. “I don’t know why anyone would want me…still can’t figure out why you tolerate me.”
Leo’s heart clenched because he knew Jim wasn’t fishing for complements or being falsely modest. The asshole he’d left had systemically broken him down with years of abuse…subtle mental abuse at first that escalated - as it usually did - to physical abuse.
And Jim - young and inexperienced - didn’t recognize what was happening. Instead, saw truth in his abuser’s accusation that it was his own fault, that he loved him so much, it made him crazy, and - most heartbreakingly - believed the tearful apologies and promises that it would never happen again. Until it did. Because of Jim, of course.
A vicious cycle that had trapped him, until he’d managed to break out of the cycle by leaving.
“It’s not a matter of tolerating you, Jim,” Leonard said. “I actually like you. Trust me, I wouldn’t spend my rare days off with just anyone.”
They arrived at the camp ground and parked alongside the few other cars that were there. They strapped on their packs - almost all of Jim’s stuff newly bought - and they headed down the trail to find a spot that looked good.
Suddenly, Jim turned to him. “This was a really good idea, Bones. I know I said it before but…thank you. It means a lot.”
Leo raised his eyebrows. “You thank me now,” he teased. “We’ll see if you feel that way afterwards.”
Jim laughed at that, bright and loud, and Leo resolved to draw more of that out of him. As much as he could.
.
SUNDAY - SEPTEMBER 13
It’d been almost a year, and Jim felt…safe. Free. Happy.
All things that, when he was in the middle of things, before he’d finally left, he hadn’t thought he could ever be. He’d been mired in that toxic, dangerous environment, convinced that he didn’t deserve it, that he wasn’t good enough, that he was treated as “less” because he was actually worth less. That things he did and said proved the point that his abuser had hammered home.
”What the fuck is wrong with you, Jim? Why do you keep making me do this? Do you like it, you sick fuck?”
The words echoed in his mind occasionally, but not like they used to. Not like the way he used to ask them of himself, and certainly not like the way they were screamed at him in fits of rage over whatever transgression Jim was accused of having committed.
Now, they were just old ghosts trying to get back in. And there were bad days - usually followed by bad nights - when the memories of what he’d run from came back, like a recurring cancer…never quite gone no matter what he did.
But Jim wasn’t alone with those ghosts anymore. Hadn’t been, for a while. Now, there was a stronger voice. Sometimes sharply witty or sarcastic, but always gentle. And that voice could scatter the ghosts as quickly as turning on a light.
Bones.
Bones was always there to remind him of the truth. That the sick fuck was the other guy, not Jim. That Jim was the stronger one. Because he lived through it, bowed but unbroken. Because he had the strength to get away when he realized what he had to do. Because he had the tenacity to start over. Because he had the courage to imagine something better, and then make it happen for himself.
Bones reminded him of all of that, and most importantly, Bones reminded him that he was worthy of all good things - safety, freedom, happiness…and love. Real love that came without conditions or caveats or demands or threats.
And that…kind of scared Jim. A little. Loving someone else didn’t turn out well before. And…he wasn’t even sure Bones felt the same.
“Jim, you payin’ attention to me kid?” Bones asked, looking over at him.
“Hm? Yeah, sorry,” Jim replied.
Bones snorted. “Sure you were. You looked a thousand miles away. What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?”
Jim looked up at him, eyes bright and happy, a small smile just starting on his face. Something soft came into his Bones’ eyes as they looked at each other until flushed and cleared his throat.
“Okay, kid, so…you press out the dough like this…”
Bones went back to what he was doing, educating Jim in the proper way to make a pot pie, and Jim thought maybe…with the right person…there was nothing to be scared of.
Click here for the first part of the continuation with Monday's DCDD pics