Third Time's The Charm
This piece was dreamed up and written with lycaenion, when she realised one of her Agents, Teek Virtanen, had gone slightly (read: very) off the rails in her current partnership, with the Cardassian Crelmos. Fearing for Teek's potential character development, which was fading and dying rapidly, Lychee cast around for someone who could give the little madam a much-needed kick up the rear end and treat her like a proper person at the same time. I volunteered one of my Agents, Kayla Richards by name, and the result was this interlude.
Disclaimers: As ever, the PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia (may they kick Sue butt forever). The Floating Hyacinth belongs to the PPC community. Our Agents, Teek, Crelmos and Kayla, are our property, although the world of Star Trek, where Crelmos comes from, belongs to the late Gene Roddenberry and Paramount. The inevitable Douglas Adams references are, of course, the property of the late Douglas Adams; The Golden Compass (aka Northern Lights, in the interests of Britpicking), Crebaina's native 'verse, is property of the quite alive Philip Pullman. Osbert and the Raiders are the creations of KGarrett, and are mentioned here with his permission. The ypurs are the brainchildren of insanegrrl, and the General Store is the property of Leto Haven.
This piece is set January 2010. Many thanks to signed_up and lady_rilwen for betaing.
The Flower rustled a few leaves, giving the two Agents the botanical equivalent of a long stare. Finally. I was expecting you here ten minutes ago. There was a pause, and then she mentally sighed. Do you know why I called you up here?
Teek shrugged, her posture a credit to sulky, tired adolescents the multiverse over. "Probably to remind me again to abandon all hope of any transfer, ever? Or is there another rule that someone probably made up the day after I broke it?"
Crelmos, conversely, was rather more polite, though he seemed to be restraining equal displeasure. "I am likewise ignorant," he said merely, "and would have been much more punctual had there not been an insistence on taking the wrong turns. Repeatedly."
"How did you know, those can't all have been the wrong sodding turns," Teek muttered irritably, only narrowly managing to keep it to a mutter.
Thank you, the Hyacinth cut in, before the current bout of unfriendliness could escalate any further. I was merely commenting; I didn't actually expect an apology for your lateness. In any case, Agent Virtanen, you are not here for mere warnings. Quite simply, your rule-breaking is becoming unacceptable.
"Is this about the -" Teek began, and had to stop and think; the number of messages she'd returned from missions to find, telling her exactly what she'd done wrong and when, had got progressively longer and more numerous, until she had eventually lost all ability to distinguish one offence from the other.
It is about all of them, and what I intend to do about them, Agent. The Flower seemed almost amused. And yes, I know you've lost track.
Teek's eyes widened nervously, despite the tone to the Hyacinth's telepathic voice; paranoia had become a very frequent guest during her partnership with Crelmos, and now she tensed instinctively, scowling.
The Cardassian, for his part, had clearly sought refuge in his own much more interesting thoughts while he waited for the tedium to end.
There was another psychic sigh. Having reviewed your past performance, I've come to the conclusion that it's your current partnership that's caused the problems. And while normally tension between partners leads to better mission performance... in any case, you're to be transferred away from Agent Crelmos.
It took a few seconds, but when the message finally reached its destination, the young Floater's jaw dropped quite impressively.
For more than a minute, there was something which had, for a very long time, given Teek a wide berth indeed: complete and utter silence.
Then, at last, sounding as though if she spoke above a murmur she'd wake up and this would all be over, she managed, "...Really?" She pointed one shaking finger at her partner. "I never have to see him again? Ever? Oh, holy Zarquon..."
There was another brief pause, and then she was grinning so broadly it seemed her face might split in two. Staring at the Hyacinth in pure and total awe, she took a deep breath, and began to belt out, "Weeeee are the chaaaampions, my frieeeends -"
That will be quite enough, Agent!
Stopped in mid-note, Teek was barely ruffled at all. "Sorry. Couldn't help it."
Across the room, Crelmos gradually stopped wincing.
Yet another sigh escaped. You can express your gratitude more quietly, please. I may not have ears in your sense of the word, but I am not immune to sound. As it is, I've spoken to the Sunflower Official, and he has an Agent there who needs partnering. The Hyacinth turned to her console and typed a short message, sending it as soon as it was finished. As of now, you are officially an Assassin. Your partner may be expecting you.
The teenager practically started to bounce upon hearing this further confirmation; as it was, she just grinned even wider and nodded happily.
A more impartial reader might have enquired as to the possibility of this new partner being worse, but Teek would have taken the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal for a colleague if it meant she could get away from Crelmos. "I'll just get going, then, yeah?" she asked, halfway out the door.
You had no questions? The Flower seemed rather surprised.
Upon hearing this, Teek was thrown for yet another loop. "Uh... oh, right, where do I get my new flashpatch?" She pointed to the lily emblazoned on the shoulder of her uniform jacket.
I assume your new partner can direct you to the correct place, if she doesn't have one spare. She's been partnerless since she joined the PPC, so I would imagine she might not have anything to hand.
"Awesome. Thank you thank you thank you. For this I'm telling Moon he can call off the - uh, I'd really better go, if I get any more excited about my new assignment I'll never get there," Teek finished hastily, making quite a show of brushing her hair out of her face to hide her sudden flush, and raced out without further ado, calling further thanks over her shoulder.
Silently, Crelmos watched her go. At first, there was no clue to his thoughts in the set of his thin lips or the look in his eyes, but then, very gradually, he smiled. It wasn't even remotely terrifying, if you'd seen worse. Turning back to the Hyacinth, he inclined his head and said, quite sincerely, "This is a fortunate day indeed."
I'm glad you both approve. Hopefully we can work some useful arrangement out for you as well, Agent Crelmos. The Flower rustled her leaves again and turned to the console. Now, where to begin...?
***
Kayla Richards had just finished cleaning up from Raider training, and was drying her hair, when the console went off. Grumbling a little, she went over to have a look, though there was a fair bit of curiosity involved as well. It was nowhere near time for her missions to arrive, and she didn't get anything else often.
Looking over the message, she grinned. So she was finally getting a partner? It was about time.
Now that she was out of earshot (or, well, the psionic equivalent), Teek had taken the utmost delight in singing the more triumphant works of Queen as loudly as she could, and, having eventually exhausted that supply, settled on Aerosmith, which her parents had never allowed her to play at anywhere near what she considered a reasonable volume. It wasn't as though her brother would have been able to figure out the lyrics on his own, anyway...
Then, halfway through "Walk This Way," she realised she'd seen the right door and, in keeping with the music, had kept right on going. Still euphoric, she hurried back, turned off the iPod and pushed her headphones down around her neck for politeness's sake, and knocked.
A few seconds later, a woman with reddish brown hair and a red cap perched at a jaunty angle opened the door. "Well, hi there," she smiled on seeing Teek. "You'd be the new transfer, then? Nice to meet ya. I'm Kayla."
This was the first time a new partner of Teek's had ever professed to enjoy the situation, and the new Assassin found herself liking this Kayla immediately. There was no disdain, no cool aloofness, no air of superiority, and especially not the slightest trace of a smirk about her.
"Hey, Kayla," Teek replied, and offered her hand. "Teek Virtanen, World One human and professional Trekkie. Nice hat."
Shaking hands, Kayla grinned. "Just what I needed, somebody who knows a canon I don't know squat about." Her accent still strongly reflected her background as a native Alabaman.
Teek shook her head in wonderment. She might actually get to teach someone something, she reflected. And hell, said someone might even listen. "So what do you know?" she asked, now beginning to think she could feel her face aching; she hadn't smiled for this long since she could remember, even if HQ time meant that what you thought to be a memory of half a year past had actually been from last Thursday.
"Well, lessee. I know a few bits of literature, mostly those old classics, or what everyone calls classics. Y'know the type - Peter Pan, To Kill A Mockingbird, that sorta thing. And the biggies, o' course. LOTR, Potterverse, Narnia. Everyone got a good drillin' in 'em when I was trainin'." Kayla stepped back from the doorway, inviting Teek in. "Let's not stand here at the door, though."
Needing no second invitation, the teenager headed in, looking around curiously. She was almost going to miss old 1764, she reflected; its most recent occupant hadn't been the room's fault. "I'm not really a classics person," she admitted, "er, no, wait, I read 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea once... anyway, I'm more into sci-fi. Oh, and Harry Potter." She stopped before she could get any more in-depth, eyeing the console suspiciously.
"Well, that's one thing we got in common, anyway," was the cheery reply as Kayla shut the door and turned round. She spotted Teek eyeing the console and laughed. "Don't worry, it ain't gonna go off any time soon."
Teek boggled. "How are you so bloody sure?" she demanded, then going red again and muttering a hasty apology at this exhibition of what was now an instinctive rudeness.
There was another grin; Kayla seemed to have an unlimited supply. "No worries. I guess it is weird to not have to worry all the time, from what I've heard. But anyways, in answer t'your question, I'm one of Osbert's Raiders," she replied, touching her cap. "We have a proper set schedule, so's we can train together and do missions."
The younger Agent looked at Kayla as though she'd just claimed to be a member of the Order of Kahless. "You have a set schedule?" she repeated, dumbfounded yet again, and echoing the words like someone tackling a particularly obscure foreign dialect. "I need to sit down," she added, and more or less fell into the nearest chair.
Kayla made herself comfortable on the bed that was made up (the other being stripped bare, and obviously unused) and chuckled. "It can't be that surprisin'. You never heard o' the Raiders?"
"Not until, er, about ten seconds ago. What do you guys raid, exactly?"
"It's just a name." Kayla grew a bit more serious, shifting to sit cross-legged on the bed. "We've got a pretty important job. You heard of the invasions, a coupla years back? The Macrovirus and Mary-Sues?"
Teek nodded. It was one of the pieces of PPC history she'd actually paid attention to. "So you were like a kind of special forces?" she guessed, almost unconsciously brushing her fingers through her wild hair.
"Not back then we weren't. We were just a gang o' newbies and Agents that'd got stuck in one o' the trainin' areas. 'Bout a hundred'n'fifty of us, altogether. We got caught there in the lockdown, with one o' the people who trains new Agents up. Osbert, his name is, an' he's about the longest-servin' Agent left in the PPC. Anyway, he decided that we needed to keep busy, and we could do with some trainin' up to defend ourselves while the viruses were runnin' around HQ. So he started teachin' us all what he knows, about bein' soldiers. Made us into a proper fightin' force."
Kayla leaned back on one arm, looking thoughtful. "We helped out round Operations when the Sues hit, did most of our fightin' there. Afterwards, seein' as we'd worked so well together, Osbert took the idea o' keepin' us around to the Flowers. He thought it'd be a good idea to have a sort o' quick-response team, for if the PPC gets attacked again. Because we can all organise ourselves a lot faster than most Agents can, an' we can start the counter-attack an' give other Agents time to organise a proper fight back."
"Cool," Teek said fervently, meaning it but still trying to hide that, once again, she felt young and inexperienced.
"Wait'll you see me stumblin' in after a few hours o' CQC practice," Kayla replied wryly. "But that's it, in a nutshell; now the Raiders are a quick-response team for any potential emergency."
Her new partner seemed about to respond, but she suddenly groaned and buried her head in her hands. "Oh, for zark's sake, I can't handle this," she explained. "All this... this being allowed to sit and talk thing. Do you know when your - when our next mission is?"
"Hm." Kayla glanced at her wristwatch. "About an hour an' a half. You'll get used to it, hon." She reached over and patted Teek's arm sympathetically. "I can give you a copy o' the schedule if you like, so you have a rough idea o' what to expect."
Holy crap, Teek thought. She can even tell the bloody time! "Oh, uh, thanks, that'd be great," she said hastily, scrambling up out of the worryingly comfortable chair. "I should probably run back to my old RC and grab my stuff, then; it's not like anyone's gonna be nice and send it over..."
"You got much to get? I can come 'n' help, if ya need it."
"No bleeding way!" Half a second later, it occurred to her that this was probably too forceful, and she amended, "I really don't want you to meet my old partner. Really. Ever. 'Utter bastard' is putting it really lightly." She was then forced to ponder how many times she'd said 'really' in one sentence, and nearly groaned again.
This was met with another grin. "Hon, I can deal with 'utter bastards'. There ain't much that bothers me."
"Trust me, he'd be the exception. Anyway, I'll be fine," Teek insisted. "And if you don't know Trek, then you are not trained to deal with him."
Kayla raised an eyebrow. "How much stuff you got to bring back here?"
"Uh... everything in my backpack, the books that won't fit in my backpack, my towel, my mek'leth... oh, and my pets, but I might be able to ask Crebaina to take them."
"U-huh. No beddin', no food, no clothes?"
"The clothes are at the bottom of my pack, mostly, under the other books, but I guess I do need to find where all my socks went... seriously, I think the ypur is more of an issue here." Teek looked around, but was unable to tell if this RC was any bigger or smaller than her own.
"The what now?"
"You weren't around for the ypurs? There was a massive spambot attack, right after I'd joined, and apparently when you misspell 'your' a couple zillion times you get a bunch of big blue yaks with spiky horns and a taste for spambot sausage. And anything else, but he's a sweetie, really, even if he did try to eat my Hitchhiker's Guide when I got him. And my hair," she added as an afterthought. "Oh, and there's Ares, but he doesn't take up nearly as much room and you really just need to have a bunch of spare pillows around."
"Sounds interestin'," Kayla murmured. "I ain't been one for pets much, but if ya think you can deal with 'em in here, why not? Long as I don't end up allergic to 'em. An' yeah, I heard about the ypurs, but I think I was out on a field exercise at the time."
She considered the idea, then shrugged. "You got a bunch o' spare pillows?"
"I can find some," Teek answered, relieved; in retrospect, she'd grown to like her first partner much more, and knew that Temujin and Ares would have been well cared for, but, all the same, she hadn't really liked the idea of giving them up. "I'll be back soon, okay?"
Kayla rolled her eyes and stood up. "You're not gonna be able to carry all that back by yourself. I'm comin' with ya, end of story." She rummaged under her bed and pulled out an empty rucksack; there were two lying on the table, but as both were clearly full, they wouldn't have been much help.
Reluctantly, Teek gave in. "Oh, fine. C'mon. Sod," she muttered to herself, "this is gonna be fun... well, one more time and then I'm never seeing him again ever."
Kayla shrugged on the backpack and made for the door. "Put it like this, you're gonna save a trip, which from what you've said is a good thing. Never heard o' the sayin' 'many hands make light work'?' "
"There aren't enough hands in the galaxy," was the weary response as they set out. "But at least this way you'll get to see Temujin and Ares before I bring 'em back here."
"What is this Ares thing? I get he's a pet o' yours, but... y'know, what species?" Kayla kept up the good-natured smile without thinking. After nearly two years working alone, a partner was something to be grateful for, and to be treated as nicely as possible.
"I don't think he actually has one," Teek admitted. "He's technically a 'small rage.' Which is like you cross a dragon with a mini-Balrog and a Chihuahua..." Trying to explain Ares adequately led her into the story of the mission which had generated him, and before Teek knew it, they were back in the Department of Floaters.
She looked rather wistfully at Crebaina's hand-lettered sign, still hanging on the door, then sighed, steeled herself, and knocked loudly.
Having been quite entertained by the story, although she'd privately made a note to keep anything valuable higher up from now on, Kayla had noticed the change in Teek's demeanour. Losing her grin and replacing it with a pleasant smile, she straightened up, tweaked her uniform a bit and readjusted her cap, then waited quietly behind the teenager. Her posture, had anyone been looking, would definitely have hinted at "military".
They didn't have long to wait before the heavy, precise footsteps that Teek knew all too well reached their ears, and Crelmos opened the door. "Oh, my prodigal little human is back at last. It was so quiet without you," he drawled, his usual sneer now back in its accustomed place. He paused, looked to the second arrival, and raised an eyeridge in rather disdainful enquiry.
"Bugger off, qarDeSngan," Teek said automatically, and attempted to shove her way past him, only succeeding when he stepped aside. "I'm just here for my stuff."
Kayla raised an eyebrow at Teek's behaviour, but said nothing, instead giving a friendly nod to Crelmos and privately putting their attitudes down to really having not got on well as partners. "I'm her new partner, Kayla Richards," she said politely. "I offered to come an' help her get her stuff, so she wouldn't have to come back again."
He gave her a long, searching stare, as one might to something under a microscope that was proving difficult to identify. "How generous. I'm Crelmos. Previously honoured by that partnership... come to think of it," he mused, "I must say it is a pleasure to meet you."
From within the RC, a brief cacophony of swearing, clattering, rustling of papers, and a sudden loud thud suggested that Teek was having difficulties, though Crelmos paid not the least attention.
"Nice to meet you then, Crelmos," Kayla said hurriedly, "but maybe I should give her a hand." She glanced past him meaningfully.
He obligingly stepped aside again, though he did not follow her in; instead, he leaned against the doorway and watched Teek's scramblings with a distinct air of malevolent amusement.
Having just finished emptying her bookshelf into Kayla's knapsack, Teek paused, her eyes drawn to the adjoining case, now empty. She remembered when Crebaina had come back to claim her own things; it had been a brief visit, made less tense by the fact that Crelmos had fortunately been out at the time, but still not exactly joyous.
Absentmindedly, she reached out and touched the cover of the last book to go into the knapsack; Crebaina's copy of The Golden Compass, which she had commanded Teek keep and read. So far, only the first promise had been honoured, but now...
Teek shook her head, mentally kicking herself, and bent to check under her bed for any stray items, of which there turned out to be quite a few.
"You gonna be okay there?" Kayla shifted a few of the books around to make more room for anything that might appear from under the bed. She was quite aware that such places were perfect repositories for the strangest of things.
"That depends on whether or not I figure out what the hell this is." Extricating herself and brushing off the accumulated dust, Teek held up something gingerly between two fingers, and squinted at it. "Oh," she said eventually, "I guess that's where at least one of my socks went, although now I should probably be making First Contact with it instead of wearing it..."
"Yeeeah, I'd probably not wanna wear that again if I were you," Kayla laughed. "Chuck it, I'd say. Find anythin' else under there that you might wanna save?"
"Like I said, with some of that junk I probably should have asked its opinion first... I'd check those cabinets over there, and those boxes" - she pointed - "but none of that's even mine, it belonged to the Agents before me and Crebaina, and from what I've seen most of it puts that sock totally to shame. I think I got everything else, though." Adjusting her mek'leth in the back sheath she'd recently found for it, she smiled, tiredly, for the first time since they'd returned. "So let's get going."
"All right then." Kayla fastened up her rucksack, lifted it slightly to judge the weight now it was crammed with books, and then swung it onto her back easily. "How're we getting your buddies there back? They have leashes or something?" She nodded to Ares and Temujin.
In response, Teek held out one arm and called a short, growling command; from his perch on the top bunk, the small rage picked up his head, spread his wings, and swooped down to land on her shoulder. "I started training him a while ago," she explained, "just so I wouldn't snap and go flamethrower. He does sod-all when you give orders in English, but Klingon's so much angrier. And Temujin'll follow you to hell and back if you tell him he'll get sausage."
"Nice." The older woman looked mildly impressed. "Lucky for us I was plannin' t'go to the Cafeteria on this break anyway. We can pick up some sausages then." She patted Temujin affectionately. "Gorgeous, ain'tcha? You gonna come with us an' get some sausage, then?"
The ypur snorted eagerly at the name of his favourite food, and gave Kayla what was presumably an equally affectionate nudge with his muzzle. "Froody," Teek told him. "Let's roll."
Kayla chuckled and made for the door. "Okay then." She nodded to Crelmos on the way. "Nice meetin' ya. Good luck."
Teek very nearly told her not to waste her breath, but, for once, thought better of it. Even if being polite to the Cardassian was like trying to fight a dragon with a toothpick, there didn't seem to be much point in pointing this out now. "Adios, amoeba," she told him, for lack of anything wittier or more scathing.
He merely nodded, treated her to a last, thoroughly evil smile, and said to Kayla, "I'm sure you'll find her very thought-provoking. It's an experience I'm delighted to share with someone else, but do refrain from telling me about it."
Her response to this was a cold look. "Save that attitude for someone who thinks it's funny, buddy. You two don't get on, fair enough, but you can quit tellin' tales this second. She's outta your hair, you're outta hers. Problem over." Glancing at Teek, though more sympathetically, she added, "That goes for you as well, hon."
She turned back to Crelmos and shrugged. "Bye, then."
He did not dignify this advice with a response, merely smirked again, turned on his heel, and closed the door after them. Teek glared savagely back for a moment or two, then shook her head, wincing briefly as Ares dug his talons in to avoid being dislodged from her shoulder, and headed back down the hall.
Kayla sighed, shaking her head at the essential stupidity of some people, and then moved to catch up to Teek. "So we just need a few pillows, an' then we can get to the Cafeteria," she commented calmly, as though nothing had happened.
"Good idea, I just realised I'm starving, and I haven't been to the General Store in ages," Teek told her, perking up a little more, not noticing as Ares sinuously twisted his head around and started to gnaw on one of her headphones. "Anyway, thank Om that's over with."
"I figured. Still, no more grizzlin' about him, 'kay? It's finished with, an' I get enough gripin' from my buddies about the partners they got at the moment." Kayla gave the teenager a friendly smile. "Chin up an' stay positive, huh?" After a moment's pause, she added, "An' ya might wanna rescue your headphones."
"Deal," Teek replied, and swore inwardly that she'd live up to it if it was the last zarking thing she did, an expression which, now that she was away from Crelmos, had a good deal more weight to it. "Wait, what was that about my - oh." She laughed, and tugged the headphones out of the small rage's jaws, using a corner of the towel in her other hand to wipe away his saliva, which had begun to eat away at the plastic.
"Cute sorta thing, really." Kayla was watching this performance with interest. "Good thing we've only the one to worry about, though."
"You're probably right about that." Teek scratched gently at the base of one of Ares's curved horns; he made a pleased little squeak, and a wisp of smoke issued from his nostrils. "He bites, though. Especially if he likes you."
"I'll live, I'm sure. I've had worse." Kayla slowed a little as they reached an intersection, glanced around, and then grinned. "General Store's down to the left. Got any money?"
"Uh..." Teek dug around in the various pockets of her cargo pants, but produced nothing of economic value. "Not on me. We could come back later, though, we're already carrying half a ton..."
"I can lend ya some. Just pay me back some other time, all right?" Kayla extracted a small purse from her trouser pocket and headed down towards the Store.
"Second deal," her partner agreed. "Thanks a heap." As she followed Kayla, Teek couldn't help but think, whatever the Narrative Laws of Comedy or the whims of the Flowers would soon undoubtedly do, that things were definitely looking up.
Disclaimers: As ever, the PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia (may they kick Sue butt forever). The Floating Hyacinth belongs to the PPC community. Our Agents, Teek, Crelmos and Kayla, are our property, although the world of Star Trek, where Crelmos comes from, belongs to the late Gene Roddenberry and Paramount. The inevitable Douglas Adams references are, of course, the property of the late Douglas Adams; The Golden Compass (aka Northern Lights, in the interests of Britpicking), Crebaina's native 'verse, is property of the quite alive Philip Pullman. Osbert and the Raiders are the creations of KGarrett, and are mentioned here with his permission. The ypurs are the brainchildren of insanegrrl, and the General Store is the property of Leto Haven.
This piece is set January 2010. Many thanks to signed_up and lady_rilwen for betaing.
The Flower rustled a few leaves, giving the two Agents the botanical equivalent of a long stare. Finally. I was expecting you here ten minutes ago. There was a pause, and then she mentally sighed. Do you know why I called you up here?
Teek shrugged, her posture a credit to sulky, tired adolescents the multiverse over. "Probably to remind me again to abandon all hope of any transfer, ever? Or is there another rule that someone probably made up the day after I broke it?"
Crelmos, conversely, was rather more polite, though he seemed to be restraining equal displeasure. "I am likewise ignorant," he said merely, "and would have been much more punctual had there not been an insistence on taking the wrong turns. Repeatedly."
"How did you know, those can't all have been the wrong sodding turns," Teek muttered irritably, only narrowly managing to keep it to a mutter.
Thank you, the Hyacinth cut in, before the current bout of unfriendliness could escalate any further. I was merely commenting; I didn't actually expect an apology for your lateness. In any case, Agent Virtanen, you are not here for mere warnings. Quite simply, your rule-breaking is becoming unacceptable.
"Is this about the -" Teek began, and had to stop and think; the number of messages she'd returned from missions to find, telling her exactly what she'd done wrong and when, had got progressively longer and more numerous, until she had eventually lost all ability to distinguish one offence from the other.
It is about all of them, and what I intend to do about them, Agent. The Flower seemed almost amused. And yes, I know you've lost track.
Teek's eyes widened nervously, despite the tone to the Hyacinth's telepathic voice; paranoia had become a very frequent guest during her partnership with Crelmos, and now she tensed instinctively, scowling.
The Cardassian, for his part, had clearly sought refuge in his own much more interesting thoughts while he waited for the tedium to end.
There was another psychic sigh. Having reviewed your past performance, I've come to the conclusion that it's your current partnership that's caused the problems. And while normally tension between partners leads to better mission performance... in any case, you're to be transferred away from Agent Crelmos.
It took a few seconds, but when the message finally reached its destination, the young Floater's jaw dropped quite impressively.
For more than a minute, there was something which had, for a very long time, given Teek a wide berth indeed: complete and utter silence.
Then, at last, sounding as though if she spoke above a murmur she'd wake up and this would all be over, she managed, "...Really?" She pointed one shaking finger at her partner. "I never have to see him again? Ever? Oh, holy Zarquon..."
There was another brief pause, and then she was grinning so broadly it seemed her face might split in two. Staring at the Hyacinth in pure and total awe, she took a deep breath, and began to belt out, "Weeeee are the chaaaampions, my frieeeends -"
That will be quite enough, Agent!
Stopped in mid-note, Teek was barely ruffled at all. "Sorry. Couldn't help it."
Across the room, Crelmos gradually stopped wincing.
Yet another sigh escaped. You can express your gratitude more quietly, please. I may not have ears in your sense of the word, but I am not immune to sound. As it is, I've spoken to the Sunflower Official, and he has an Agent there who needs partnering. The Hyacinth turned to her console and typed a short message, sending it as soon as it was finished. As of now, you are officially an Assassin. Your partner may be expecting you.
The teenager practically started to bounce upon hearing this further confirmation; as it was, she just grinned even wider and nodded happily.
A more impartial reader might have enquired as to the possibility of this new partner being worse, but Teek would have taken the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal for a colleague if it meant she could get away from Crelmos. "I'll just get going, then, yeah?" she asked, halfway out the door.
You had no questions? The Flower seemed rather surprised.
Upon hearing this, Teek was thrown for yet another loop. "Uh... oh, right, where do I get my new flashpatch?" She pointed to the lily emblazoned on the shoulder of her uniform jacket.
I assume your new partner can direct you to the correct place, if she doesn't have one spare. She's been partnerless since she joined the PPC, so I would imagine she might not have anything to hand.
"Awesome. Thank you thank you thank you. For this I'm telling Moon he can call off the - uh, I'd really better go, if I get any more excited about my new assignment I'll never get there," Teek finished hastily, making quite a show of brushing her hair out of her face to hide her sudden flush, and raced out without further ado, calling further thanks over her shoulder.
Silently, Crelmos watched her go. At first, there was no clue to his thoughts in the set of his thin lips or the look in his eyes, but then, very gradually, he smiled. It wasn't even remotely terrifying, if you'd seen worse. Turning back to the Hyacinth, he inclined his head and said, quite sincerely, "This is a fortunate day indeed."
I'm glad you both approve. Hopefully we can work some useful arrangement out for you as well, Agent Crelmos. The Flower rustled her leaves again and turned to the console. Now, where to begin...?
***
Kayla Richards had just finished cleaning up from Raider training, and was drying her hair, when the console went off. Grumbling a little, she went over to have a look, though there was a fair bit of curiosity involved as well. It was nowhere near time for her missions to arrive, and she didn't get anything else often.
Looking over the message, she grinned. So she was finally getting a partner? It was about time.
Now that she was out of earshot (or, well, the psionic equivalent), Teek had taken the utmost delight in singing the more triumphant works of Queen as loudly as she could, and, having eventually exhausted that supply, settled on Aerosmith, which her parents had never allowed her to play at anywhere near what she considered a reasonable volume. It wasn't as though her brother would have been able to figure out the lyrics on his own, anyway...
Then, halfway through "Walk This Way," she realised she'd seen the right door and, in keeping with the music, had kept right on going. Still euphoric, she hurried back, turned off the iPod and pushed her headphones down around her neck for politeness's sake, and knocked.
A few seconds later, a woman with reddish brown hair and a red cap perched at a jaunty angle opened the door. "Well, hi there," she smiled on seeing Teek. "You'd be the new transfer, then? Nice to meet ya. I'm Kayla."
This was the first time a new partner of Teek's had ever professed to enjoy the situation, and the new Assassin found herself liking this Kayla immediately. There was no disdain, no cool aloofness, no air of superiority, and especially not the slightest trace of a smirk about her.
"Hey, Kayla," Teek replied, and offered her hand. "Teek Virtanen, World One human and professional Trekkie. Nice hat."
Shaking hands, Kayla grinned. "Just what I needed, somebody who knows a canon I don't know squat about." Her accent still strongly reflected her background as a native Alabaman.
Teek shook her head in wonderment. She might actually get to teach someone something, she reflected. And hell, said someone might even listen. "So what do you know?" she asked, now beginning to think she could feel her face aching; she hadn't smiled for this long since she could remember, even if HQ time meant that what you thought to be a memory of half a year past had actually been from last Thursday.
"Well, lessee. I know a few bits of literature, mostly those old classics, or what everyone calls classics. Y'know the type - Peter Pan, To Kill A Mockingbird, that sorta thing. And the biggies, o' course. LOTR, Potterverse, Narnia. Everyone got a good drillin' in 'em when I was trainin'." Kayla stepped back from the doorway, inviting Teek in. "Let's not stand here at the door, though."
Needing no second invitation, the teenager headed in, looking around curiously. She was almost going to miss old 1764, she reflected; its most recent occupant hadn't been the room's fault. "I'm not really a classics person," she admitted, "er, no, wait, I read 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea once... anyway, I'm more into sci-fi. Oh, and Harry Potter." She stopped before she could get any more in-depth, eyeing the console suspiciously.
"Well, that's one thing we got in common, anyway," was the cheery reply as Kayla shut the door and turned round. She spotted Teek eyeing the console and laughed. "Don't worry, it ain't gonna go off any time soon."
Teek boggled. "How are you so bloody sure?" she demanded, then going red again and muttering a hasty apology at this exhibition of what was now an instinctive rudeness.
There was another grin; Kayla seemed to have an unlimited supply. "No worries. I guess it is weird to not have to worry all the time, from what I've heard. But anyways, in answer t'your question, I'm one of Osbert's Raiders," she replied, touching her cap. "We have a proper set schedule, so's we can train together and do missions."
The younger Agent looked at Kayla as though she'd just claimed to be a member of the Order of Kahless. "You have a set schedule?" she repeated, dumbfounded yet again, and echoing the words like someone tackling a particularly obscure foreign dialect. "I need to sit down," she added, and more or less fell into the nearest chair.
Kayla made herself comfortable on the bed that was made up (the other being stripped bare, and obviously unused) and chuckled. "It can't be that surprisin'. You never heard o' the Raiders?"
"Not until, er, about ten seconds ago. What do you guys raid, exactly?"
"It's just a name." Kayla grew a bit more serious, shifting to sit cross-legged on the bed. "We've got a pretty important job. You heard of the invasions, a coupla years back? The Macrovirus and Mary-Sues?"
Teek nodded. It was one of the pieces of PPC history she'd actually paid attention to. "So you were like a kind of special forces?" she guessed, almost unconsciously brushing her fingers through her wild hair.
"Not back then we weren't. We were just a gang o' newbies and Agents that'd got stuck in one o' the trainin' areas. 'Bout a hundred'n'fifty of us, altogether. We got caught there in the lockdown, with one o' the people who trains new Agents up. Osbert, his name is, an' he's about the longest-servin' Agent left in the PPC. Anyway, he decided that we needed to keep busy, and we could do with some trainin' up to defend ourselves while the viruses were runnin' around HQ. So he started teachin' us all what he knows, about bein' soldiers. Made us into a proper fightin' force."
Kayla leaned back on one arm, looking thoughtful. "We helped out round Operations when the Sues hit, did most of our fightin' there. Afterwards, seein' as we'd worked so well together, Osbert took the idea o' keepin' us around to the Flowers. He thought it'd be a good idea to have a sort o' quick-response team, for if the PPC gets attacked again. Because we can all organise ourselves a lot faster than most Agents can, an' we can start the counter-attack an' give other Agents time to organise a proper fight back."
"Cool," Teek said fervently, meaning it but still trying to hide that, once again, she felt young and inexperienced.
"Wait'll you see me stumblin' in after a few hours o' CQC practice," Kayla replied wryly. "But that's it, in a nutshell; now the Raiders are a quick-response team for any potential emergency."
Her new partner seemed about to respond, but she suddenly groaned and buried her head in her hands. "Oh, for zark's sake, I can't handle this," she explained. "All this... this being allowed to sit and talk thing. Do you know when your - when our next mission is?"
"Hm." Kayla glanced at her wristwatch. "About an hour an' a half. You'll get used to it, hon." She reached over and patted Teek's arm sympathetically. "I can give you a copy o' the schedule if you like, so you have a rough idea o' what to expect."
Holy crap, Teek thought. She can even tell the bloody time! "Oh, uh, thanks, that'd be great," she said hastily, scrambling up out of the worryingly comfortable chair. "I should probably run back to my old RC and grab my stuff, then; it's not like anyone's gonna be nice and send it over..."
"You got much to get? I can come 'n' help, if ya need it."
"No bleeding way!" Half a second later, it occurred to her that this was probably too forceful, and she amended, "I really don't want you to meet my old partner. Really. Ever. 'Utter bastard' is putting it really lightly." She was then forced to ponder how many times she'd said 'really' in one sentence, and nearly groaned again.
This was met with another grin. "Hon, I can deal with 'utter bastards'. There ain't much that bothers me."
"Trust me, he'd be the exception. Anyway, I'll be fine," Teek insisted. "And if you don't know Trek, then you are not trained to deal with him."
Kayla raised an eyebrow. "How much stuff you got to bring back here?"
"Uh... everything in my backpack, the books that won't fit in my backpack, my towel, my mek'leth... oh, and my pets, but I might be able to ask Crebaina to take them."
"U-huh. No beddin', no food, no clothes?"
"The clothes are at the bottom of my pack, mostly, under the other books, but I guess I do need to find where all my socks went... seriously, I think the ypur is more of an issue here." Teek looked around, but was unable to tell if this RC was any bigger or smaller than her own.
"The what now?"
"You weren't around for the ypurs? There was a massive spambot attack, right after I'd joined, and apparently when you misspell 'your' a couple zillion times you get a bunch of big blue yaks with spiky horns and a taste for spambot sausage. And anything else, but he's a sweetie, really, even if he did try to eat my Hitchhiker's Guide when I got him. And my hair," she added as an afterthought. "Oh, and there's Ares, but he doesn't take up nearly as much room and you really just need to have a bunch of spare pillows around."
"Sounds interestin'," Kayla murmured. "I ain't been one for pets much, but if ya think you can deal with 'em in here, why not? Long as I don't end up allergic to 'em. An' yeah, I heard about the ypurs, but I think I was out on a field exercise at the time."
She considered the idea, then shrugged. "You got a bunch o' spare pillows?"
"I can find some," Teek answered, relieved; in retrospect, she'd grown to like her first partner much more, and knew that Temujin and Ares would have been well cared for, but, all the same, she hadn't really liked the idea of giving them up. "I'll be back soon, okay?"
Kayla rolled her eyes and stood up. "You're not gonna be able to carry all that back by yourself. I'm comin' with ya, end of story." She rummaged under her bed and pulled out an empty rucksack; there were two lying on the table, but as both were clearly full, they wouldn't have been much help.
Reluctantly, Teek gave in. "Oh, fine. C'mon. Sod," she muttered to herself, "this is gonna be fun... well, one more time and then I'm never seeing him again ever."
Kayla shrugged on the backpack and made for the door. "Put it like this, you're gonna save a trip, which from what you've said is a good thing. Never heard o' the sayin' 'many hands make light work'?' "
"There aren't enough hands in the galaxy," was the weary response as they set out. "But at least this way you'll get to see Temujin and Ares before I bring 'em back here."
"What is this Ares thing? I get he's a pet o' yours, but... y'know, what species?" Kayla kept up the good-natured smile without thinking. After nearly two years working alone, a partner was something to be grateful for, and to be treated as nicely as possible.
"I don't think he actually has one," Teek admitted. "He's technically a 'small rage.' Which is like you cross a dragon with a mini-Balrog and a Chihuahua..." Trying to explain Ares adequately led her into the story of the mission which had generated him, and before Teek knew it, they were back in the Department of Floaters.
She looked rather wistfully at Crebaina's hand-lettered sign, still hanging on the door, then sighed, steeled herself, and knocked loudly.
Having been quite entertained by the story, although she'd privately made a note to keep anything valuable higher up from now on, Kayla had noticed the change in Teek's demeanour. Losing her grin and replacing it with a pleasant smile, she straightened up, tweaked her uniform a bit and readjusted her cap, then waited quietly behind the teenager. Her posture, had anyone been looking, would definitely have hinted at "military".
They didn't have long to wait before the heavy, precise footsteps that Teek knew all too well reached their ears, and Crelmos opened the door. "Oh, my prodigal little human is back at last. It was so quiet without you," he drawled, his usual sneer now back in its accustomed place. He paused, looked to the second arrival, and raised an eyeridge in rather disdainful enquiry.
"Bugger off, qarDeSngan," Teek said automatically, and attempted to shove her way past him, only succeeding when he stepped aside. "I'm just here for my stuff."
Kayla raised an eyebrow at Teek's behaviour, but said nothing, instead giving a friendly nod to Crelmos and privately putting their attitudes down to really having not got on well as partners. "I'm her new partner, Kayla Richards," she said politely. "I offered to come an' help her get her stuff, so she wouldn't have to come back again."
He gave her a long, searching stare, as one might to something under a microscope that was proving difficult to identify. "How generous. I'm Crelmos. Previously honoured by that partnership... come to think of it," he mused, "I must say it is a pleasure to meet you."
From within the RC, a brief cacophony of swearing, clattering, rustling of papers, and a sudden loud thud suggested that Teek was having difficulties, though Crelmos paid not the least attention.
"Nice to meet you then, Crelmos," Kayla said hurriedly, "but maybe I should give her a hand." She glanced past him meaningfully.
He obligingly stepped aside again, though he did not follow her in; instead, he leaned against the doorway and watched Teek's scramblings with a distinct air of malevolent amusement.
Having just finished emptying her bookshelf into Kayla's knapsack, Teek paused, her eyes drawn to the adjoining case, now empty. She remembered when Crebaina had come back to claim her own things; it had been a brief visit, made less tense by the fact that Crelmos had fortunately been out at the time, but still not exactly joyous.
Absentmindedly, she reached out and touched the cover of the last book to go into the knapsack; Crebaina's copy of The Golden Compass, which she had commanded Teek keep and read. So far, only the first promise had been honoured, but now...
Teek shook her head, mentally kicking herself, and bent to check under her bed for any stray items, of which there turned out to be quite a few.
"You gonna be okay there?" Kayla shifted a few of the books around to make more room for anything that might appear from under the bed. She was quite aware that such places were perfect repositories for the strangest of things.
"That depends on whether or not I figure out what the hell this is." Extricating herself and brushing off the accumulated dust, Teek held up something gingerly between two fingers, and squinted at it. "Oh," she said eventually, "I guess that's where at least one of my socks went, although now I should probably be making First Contact with it instead of wearing it..."
"Yeeeah, I'd probably not wanna wear that again if I were you," Kayla laughed. "Chuck it, I'd say. Find anythin' else under there that you might wanna save?"
"Like I said, with some of that junk I probably should have asked its opinion first... I'd check those cabinets over there, and those boxes" - she pointed - "but none of that's even mine, it belonged to the Agents before me and Crebaina, and from what I've seen most of it puts that sock totally to shame. I think I got everything else, though." Adjusting her mek'leth in the back sheath she'd recently found for it, she smiled, tiredly, for the first time since they'd returned. "So let's get going."
"All right then." Kayla fastened up her rucksack, lifted it slightly to judge the weight now it was crammed with books, and then swung it onto her back easily. "How're we getting your buddies there back? They have leashes or something?" She nodded to Ares and Temujin.
In response, Teek held out one arm and called a short, growling command; from his perch on the top bunk, the small rage picked up his head, spread his wings, and swooped down to land on her shoulder. "I started training him a while ago," she explained, "just so I wouldn't snap and go flamethrower. He does sod-all when you give orders in English, but Klingon's so much angrier. And Temujin'll follow you to hell and back if you tell him he'll get sausage."
"Nice." The older woman looked mildly impressed. "Lucky for us I was plannin' t'go to the Cafeteria on this break anyway. We can pick up some sausages then." She patted Temujin affectionately. "Gorgeous, ain'tcha? You gonna come with us an' get some sausage, then?"
The ypur snorted eagerly at the name of his favourite food, and gave Kayla what was presumably an equally affectionate nudge with his muzzle. "Froody," Teek told him. "Let's roll."
Kayla chuckled and made for the door. "Okay then." She nodded to Crelmos on the way. "Nice meetin' ya. Good luck."
Teek very nearly told her not to waste her breath, but, for once, thought better of it. Even if being polite to the Cardassian was like trying to fight a dragon with a toothpick, there didn't seem to be much point in pointing this out now. "Adios, amoeba," she told him, for lack of anything wittier or more scathing.
He merely nodded, treated her to a last, thoroughly evil smile, and said to Kayla, "I'm sure you'll find her very thought-provoking. It's an experience I'm delighted to share with someone else, but do refrain from telling me about it."
Her response to this was a cold look. "Save that attitude for someone who thinks it's funny, buddy. You two don't get on, fair enough, but you can quit tellin' tales this second. She's outta your hair, you're outta hers. Problem over." Glancing at Teek, though more sympathetically, she added, "That goes for you as well, hon."
She turned back to Crelmos and shrugged. "Bye, then."
He did not dignify this advice with a response, merely smirked again, turned on his heel, and closed the door after them. Teek glared savagely back for a moment or two, then shook her head, wincing briefly as Ares dug his talons in to avoid being dislodged from her shoulder, and headed back down the hall.
Kayla sighed, shaking her head at the essential stupidity of some people, and then moved to catch up to Teek. "So we just need a few pillows, an' then we can get to the Cafeteria," she commented calmly, as though nothing had happened.
"Good idea, I just realised I'm starving, and I haven't been to the General Store in ages," Teek told her, perking up a little more, not noticing as Ares sinuously twisted his head around and started to gnaw on one of her headphones. "Anyway, thank Om that's over with."
"I figured. Still, no more grizzlin' about him, 'kay? It's finished with, an' I get enough gripin' from my buddies about the partners they got at the moment." Kayla gave the teenager a friendly smile. "Chin up an' stay positive, huh?" After a moment's pause, she added, "An' ya might wanna rescue your headphones."
"Deal," Teek replied, and swore inwardly that she'd live up to it if it was the last zarking thing she did, an expression which, now that she was away from Crelmos, had a good deal more weight to it. "Wait, what was that about my - oh." She laughed, and tugged the headphones out of the small rage's jaws, using a corner of the towel in her other hand to wipe away his saliva, which had begun to eat away at the plastic.
"Cute sorta thing, really." Kayla was watching this performance with interest. "Good thing we've only the one to worry about, though."
"You're probably right about that." Teek scratched gently at the base of one of Ares's curved horns; he made a pleased little squeak, and a wisp of smoke issued from his nostrils. "He bites, though. Especially if he likes you."
"I'll live, I'm sure. I've had worse." Kayla slowed a little as they reached an intersection, glanced around, and then grinned. "General Store's down to the left. Got any money?"
"Uh..." Teek dug around in the various pockets of her cargo pants, but produced nothing of economic value. "Not on me. We could come back later, though, we're already carrying half a ton..."
"I can lend ya some. Just pay me back some other time, all right?" Kayla extracted a small purse from her trouser pocket and headed down towards the Store.
"Second deal," her partner agreed. "Thanks a heap." As she followed Kayla, Teek couldn't help but think, whatever the Narrative Laws of Comedy or the whims of the Flowers would soon undoubtedly do, that things were definitely looking up.