Falling Apart (1/3)
Title: Falling Apart (1/3)
Author: burning_arrow
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: smut
Disclaimer: Obviously I don’t own these characters. If I did, don’t you think things would have gone a bit differently? My muse thanks Terry Goodkind and ABC for giving her such good fodder though.
Word Count: 11,939 total (roughly split into equal parts)
Summary: Cara’s surprised by Kahlan’s behavior after Richard leaves Aydindril.
A/N: Many LotS femslash authors have written pieces on the theme of “Cara and Kahlan have a torrid affair behind Richard’s back and [insert happy, sad, or angsty ending here].” This is my dubious contribution to that body of work. It started out largely as smut, and then it got, well, er…complicated…with occasional appearances from HBIC!Kahlan. I hope you enjoy.
A/N2: links to next part at bottom
Cara Mason did not submit. To anyone. Ever. Not since her Sisters of the Agiel had beaten her and left her for dead. Even her service to the Lord Rahl was more of an understanding among equals. And she most certainly did not submit during sex. So she was a bit confounded when she found herself naked, shoved up against a wall, her wrists pinned above her head by one of the Mother Confessor’s hands, while the fingers of the other worked inside Cara like a master musician, drawing out notes from deep within her that Cara had never heard herself make before. Somehow, Kahlan not only remained clothed, but she clearly showed no signs of letting Cara do anything to rectify that situation. Cara growled in frustration under her breath, but the sound turned to a whimper as Kahlan’s fingers curled inside of her.
“You know the rules,” said the Confessor, her blue eyes glittering and intense, a dark, dangerous smile twisting her lips. “No touching.”
Cara moaned as Kahlan’s thumb ghosted over her sensitive, swollen sex. She at least had enough dignity left to shoot Kahlan an annoyed glare, before the Confessor increased the pressure on her clit and Cara’s head fell back against the stone. She vaguely wondered how it had come to this. She knew she should probably show some sign of resistance, but it was so very hard to concentrate with Kahlan’s thumb swirling over her tender flesh and Kahlan’s hot breath whispering in her ear. She watched with dismay as each inch of her carefully contrived control was stripped away by the Confessor. Her body tensed as the pressure built at the base of her spine, her skin tingling in anticipation.
“Come for me, Cara,” demanded Kahlan, her voice low, her lips barely brushing the edge of Cara’s ear.
Some part of Cara bristled at the audacity of the Confessor. How dare she think to give Cara commands? Yet even as she had these thoughts, her body obeyed the order. With a hoarse cry, Cara bore down on Kahlan’s fingers, and her release shook her body, her muscles rigid with the strain. She felt as if she were shattering into pieces as wave upon wave of ecstasy pushed through her. Kahlan did not remove her hand from Cara’s sex until the last of the contractions subsided, and even then Cara regretted the loss.
When Kahlan freed her wrists, Cara tried to support her own weight, but her traitorous knees buckled and the Confessor caught her gently. It was too much. Cara could handle sex. Though it surprised her when Kahlan had kissed her less than an hour ago, and shocked her even more when the Confessor’s touch had become forceful and dominating, it was still a language that Cara understood. Richard was away in D’Hara, the Confessor alone for more than a month. Perhaps this was not what Richard meant when he’d ordered Cara to stay by Kahlan’s side with instructions to ‘take care of her’, but Cara was not going to question Kahlan’s interpretation of the matter. That was between the Mother Confessor and the Lord Rahl. Cara ignored the momentary twinge of conscience that suggested that it was her friend who she might be betraying, not her lord.
Besides, Cara had always suspected that Richard and Kahlan’s vows of fidelity were a bit overdone, and here was the proof. Cara’s amazement came not at Kahlan’s lack of fortitude, but rather from the gusto with which the Confessor pursued her desires. Not that Cara really minded, except for the part where Kahlan claimed full reign over their activities. But this - the light in Kahlan’s eyes, the soft look she gave Cara, the tenderness in her arms as she held Cara up - this was unnerving. Cara might have said terrifying, if Mord’Sith were capable of admitting fear.
Finding strength that had previously eluded her, Cara straightened up and forced herself away from the wall, roughly pushing Kahlan back with the same motion. The Confessor looked confused by her reaction, then saddened. Cara turned away so she wouldn’t have to watch Kahlan’s expression. She unsteadily walked to where her leathers had been hastily discarded, silently cursing her worthless limbs for their weakness. She pulled them on as quickly as she could before taking a deep breath and swiveling around to face Kahlan, a hand on her hip.
“I should thank you for that interesting diversion,” she said dryly, smirking. “It was most pleasurable.”
There was a faint blush on Kahlan’s cheeks, yet she held Cara’s gaze unflinchingly. In fact the Confessor was the picture of composure as she stood proudly, her hands clasped loosely in front of her. Cara almost shuddered as her eyes traced those long fingers, remembering where they had been only moments ago, but she squelched the impulse.
In a voice that hinted at some deeper emotion, Kahlan replied, “It was indeed satisfying. Perhaps we will have to do it again some time.”
Cara’s mouth went dry with Kahlan’s words. It was a terrible idea, one that could only end badly, but she found her pulse racing at the suggestion. She gave the Confessor a nod, not trusting herself to speak. Without another word, she strode from Kahlan’s chambers, wondering why she suddenly knew what the fly felt when it found itself caught in the spider’s web and also wondering why it didn’t bother her more.
***
The second time it happened, three days later, Cara found herself bent over Kahlan’s desk in the offices of the Mother Confessor. Gripping the outer edge of the desk tightly, her knuckles white with strain, Cara groaned loudly as Kahlan entered her from behind with three fingers. Almost thoughtlessly, Cara widened her stance a little to allow Kahlan better access. She pressed her front to the desktop, the polished wood cool and smooth against her naked breasts and stomach.
Her efforts to avoid the Confessor had proven fruitless when Kahlan convened a meeting of the war council to deal with a small uprising in the south. Cara had no excuses to offer as to why she couldn’t be there. Now she was paying the price - and what a sweet price it was. Kahlan slid smoothly inside of her. Try as she might to ignore and avoid Kahlan’s watchful eye during the council meeting, the Confessor’s gaze had been impossible to escape in a small room with less than ten people. Her disloyal sex had been wet before Kahlan had even had time to yank her leathers off of her.
Now, Cara’s legs trembled as Kahlan moved within her with almost agonizing slowness, first pushing her fingers deep into the Mord’Sith, then almost withdrawing, only to push forward again. Cara gritted her teeth, straining her hips as far back as they could go without letting go of the desk. Kahlan had been very specific about that point. If she released the desk, Kahlan would stop. Yet each time Cara tried to urge Kahlan to penetrate her more fully, the Confessor seemed to slip away, dancing just out of reach. The torturous pleasure nearly made Cara beg, but she bit back the words, not wanting to give Kahlan more than the satisfaction of the guttural noises that escaped unwillingly from Cara’s throat.
Just as Cara thought she could take no more, she felt the palm of Kahlan’s other hand press flat against the small of her back, then slide across her hip and around her waist. Circling around Cara’s body and insinuating itself between her and the desk, Kahlan’s hand found the soaking folds of Cara’s sex. Two nimble fingers slipped past her outer lips and began a steady stroking over her aching flesh. Cara quivered, her whole body shuddering under Kahlan’s touch. Had she been coherent enough to form thoughts she might have wondered at Kahlan’s ability to provoke such a reaction. As it was, Cara barely maintained her hold on the desk as Kahlan thrust deeper into her than she had before, setting up a new and more urgent rhythm. Cara’s breath came in ragged gasps interspersed with low, throaty moans that reverberated in her chest. Cara squeezed her eyes shut as the fire in her belly grew hotter with each stroke, all of her attention focused on Kahlan’s hands and the sensations they elicited.
Within moments she climaxed. Her contractions shook her body, her inner muscles clamping down on Kahlan’s fingers. A wordless shout tore from her mouth. Spirits, it had never felt like this before. When she thought her body had finally surrendered all it could, Kahlan began to caress her again, forcing her over an even higher peak and she nearly screamed. Limp and spent, she lay motionless on the desk save for the heaving rise and fall of her chest as she caught her breath again. Moments passed before she slowly became aware of anything beside the thrill of her release. Kahlan’s hands rested on her hips, and the Confessor bent low over her, planting soft kisses across her back.
Panic bubbled up in Cara’s chest at the gentleness of Kahlan’s lips on her skin. Not again, she thought, desperate and angry. Kahlan could do what she wanted with Cara, except this. She thought Kahlan had understood that after their first encounter. Propping herself up on weak arms, Cara slowly straightened. Kahlan drifted quietly away from her, allowing Cara the space she craved. By the time Cara turned, there was no trace of tenderness in Kahlan’s features. Cara opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. Kahlan’s distant expression made her doubt the intent of the kisses, and she’d not make herself vulnerable by addressing them first. The look on Kahlan’s face almost made it seem as if they’d never happened.
At once sated and disgruntled, Cara again dressed swiftly. She made her way to the door, but Kahlan’s voice stopped her before she could leave.
“I hope you’ll consider joining me for dinner tonight,” said Kahlan easily, taking a seat behind her desk, as if she’d spent the last half hour chatting with Cara like friends instead of having the Mord’Sith sprawled helplessly in front of her. Cara thought, not for the first time, that the Mother Confessor would have made an excellent Mord’Sith.
“I will,” said Cara tersely.
She was not sure she had any choice in the matter.
***
And so it went for almost two months - clandestine meetings every few days between the Mord’Sith and the Confessor, each rendezvous leaving Cara breathless and boneless and more confused than ever. Kahlan never let Cara touch her beyond an initial embrace or a few passionate kisses to get things started. Almost tauntingly, the Confessor drove Cara to great heights of pleasure before finishing her with a sort of ruthless, overwhelming efficiency that Cara had to grudgingly admire. Yet there were always the fleeting touches and surreptitious glances from Kahlan as well - the way she sometimes held Cara’s hand when the Mord’Sith came, or gently swiped a stray hair from Cara’s forehead, or glided a palm easily along Cara’s spine, her blue eyes searching and open. But only for a moment. Then Kahlan’s eyes would flatten and cool, and she would step away before Cara could comment or protest. Only, the damage had been done and Cara would find her head spinning and her chest aching with strange, half-formed emotions that she knew better than to examine too closely. Cara knew she could be nothing more than a stand in for the Lord Rahl, and she told herself, albeit with only half-hearted conviction, that these gentle overtures were just the Confessor’s way of dealing with Richard’s absence, a peculiar sort of transference.
Odder even than their furtive encounters were the times when Cara and Kahlan sought each other out for reasons other than physical satisfaction. Theirs had never been a sociable friendship, more fellow warriors joined in a common cause, but now they seemed to favor each other’s company. An occasional question on a military matter would spin off into an hour long discussion on the philosophy of military leadership. Advice on a particularly difficult and thorny judgment turned into a debate over the merits of compassion versus firmness. Despite the turmoil brewing inside her, Cara was surprised to find she enjoyed these interludes, almost more than their more strenuous exertions. On the road, Kahlan had always seemed naively simple to Cara, and sensitive to the point of absurdity. As the weeks passed, she came to see the complex and politically savvy mind hidden behind Kahlan’s calm demeanor and serene smile. With a sense of giddy awe, Cara watched as the Confessor subtly yet decisively wended her way through machinations of the lords and ladies of the Council, deftly moving them to where she wanted them with as much skill as Kahlan commanded on the battlefield.
For brief periods, Cara could almost forget that Richard would return to claim his mate. She knew she was far too pleased with this thought than she should be. And then one day, Cara’s journeybook announced the arrival of the Lord Rahl on the day after next. Richard explained that he had not alerted her earlier due to Zedd’s concerns of an ambush while they traveled. With his usual blunt and friendly style, Richard sent her warm wishes and hopes of seeing her soon. Upon reading the words, something went numb inside of Cara. She didn’t remember leaving her chambers or entering Kahlan’s. The first thing she would be able to recall later would be the Confessor staring at a piece of parchment in her hand, a letter sent to her by Richard by mounted messenger, her blue eyes somehow both impassive and intense all at once. Kahlan took Cara with such ferocity that night that the Mord’Sith was sore the next day, though she would never complain about that, or about the multiple climaxes Kahlan carried her through.
The Lord Rahl arrived in the city with the fanfare fitting visiting royalty, though Cara could tell Richard was still uncomfortable with this sort of attention, the remnants of the simple woods guide occasionally peeking out from behind his stern guise. Shunning the usual state feast, he insisted on a dinner with only his closest friends and allies. Cara had little stomach for the event, but she attended out of obligation. Richard greeted her with a rough hug, which Cara returned awkwardly, and they stepped apart quickly, Richard grinning at her discomfort. When the meal was served, Kahlan sat at Richard’s right, with Zedd next to the Confessor, while Cara took her place to the left of Richard. The Confessor, wizard, and Seeker talked excitedly among themselves, clearly taking Cara’s silence as nothing more than her usual reticence, though once in a while Kahlan would cast her a questioning glance. Cara was sure to answer questions fully, at least as fully as she normally did, and with enough sarcasm to get an occasional chuckle and, usually, no more questions for a few more minutes.
When Kahlan rose from the table to speak to a clerk who needed her attention, Richard leaned on his elbow toward Cara.
“I assume there’s been no trouble here in Aydindril while I’ve been gone?” he asked quietly, not wanting Kahlan to overhear.
“None that the Mother Confessor couldn’t handle quite adequately,” replied Cara, with a bit more pride and defensiveness than she had intended. Richard raised an amused eyebrow.
“It seems you two have gotten on even better since I left. That’s good. And I’m well aware Kahlan’s very capable, Cara, but I also know she doesn’t want me to worry. So, there really has been nothing of concern?” he insisted.
“No,” answered Cara, forcing herself to relax.
“Very good,” murmured Richard, his eyes tracking Kahlan’s progress across the room. “I appreciate you staying to watch over Kahlan. I know you would have rather traveled to D’Hara. Thank you.”
Cara hummed a non-committal response. A thick knot of something that felt disturbingly like guilt settled in her gut. Did he really not know or at the very least suspect? Cara hadn’t yet met a lord or lady who did not have a dalliance on the side now and then, but she was suddenly confronted with a harsh reminder that Richard was of simpler stock, no matter his bloodline.
As the Confessor slid into her seat again, Richard placed a hand over Kahlan’s. She gave him a wide smile, though Cara thought there might have been a hint of strain around the edges of Kahlan’s eyes. Then Cara cursed herself a fool for seeing what she wished to see. She had been nothing but a bed-warmer for Kahlan, she always knew that. There was no use in regretting that or believing that her feelings changed anything. Now that the Lord Rahl was back, Kahlan would no doubt return to Richard’s bed, and he into her heart, as it had always been. Suddenly feeling ill, Cara stood abruptly.
“I apologize,” she started roughly, “but I am not feeling well.”
Without waiting for a word from the others, Cara left the small dining room. Behind her she heard Richard remark that she really must feel sick if the Mord’Sith had admitted it openly. Zedd laughed at this, but Kahlan was silent. Cara didn’t look back, but she imagined that Kahlan might be watching her go. Or maybe that was just what she hoped.
***
Staring at the ceiling of her quarters, Cara cursed Kahlan, herself, the Spirits, and any other damned thing that happened to pop into her mind at the moment. Jealousy was for fools who demanded more than human nature was capable of producing, people who believed in love and righteousness and that sort of nonsense. Cara didn’t get jealous, because she didn’t have false expectations. At least she hadn’t - until tonight. Ever since returning to her chambers, she’d stewed in her own toxic juices. Sleepless and restless, she’d considered a trip to one of the cities brothels, but couldn’t quite muster the wherewithal to leave her bed. Instead she settled for glaring at the innocent mortar and beams over her head. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, sleep still elusive as ever, she threw her legs over the side of the bed. To the Keeper with it, she thought, I’m not going to stay here while she enjoys a good night’s rest in Richard’s arms.
No sooner had she begun to put a leg into her leathers, than a soft, almost timid knock came at the door. Growling and pulling her leathers up to her waist, her night shift covering her upper body, she stomped to the door and flung it open. The sharp words she’d been about to utter died on her lips as she stared at Kahlan standing there in nothing but a night shift and a shawl. Kahlan never came here. Cara was half-surprised the Confessor even knew where she slept with as large as the Confessors Palace was.
Without waiting for an invitation, Kahlan slid inside the room, closing the door behind her. Speechless, Cara watched as Kahlan surveyed the area around her. Cara kept the space clean and spartan, as befitted the discipline of a proper Mord’Sith. Her one concession to luxury was the bed, large and soft and decently warm during the winters in Aydindril. Kahlan stared at it now, before turning her gaze back to Cara. The Mord’Sith swallowed, her throat dry from the emotion she saw in the Confessor’s eyes.
Cara wasn’t sure who moved first, but suddenly they were tumbling together and backwards onto the bed. Kahlan’s shawl fluttered to the ground, forgotten. Kahlan’s hands were rough as she stripped Cara of her shift and half-donned leathers. Normally, Kahlan would have demanded that Cara grab the headboard or something equally as effective at keeping her hands off of Kahlan, but tonight Kahlan seemed not to care. Though Kahlan made no move to remove her own nightgown, she let Cara grip her hips. Cara pulled Kahlan down on top of her. Kahlan’s mouth devoured Cara’s, the kiss lingering far longer than usual. When Kahlan broke away from the kiss, Cara sucked in a breath, only to have it stolen by Kahlan’s teeth and tongue on her throat. Digging her fingers into Kahlan’s back, Cara cried out in appreciation as the Confessor bit down on her shoulder.
Kahlan’s motions became frenzied, her hands and mouth demanding as they skated over Cara’s chest, her breasts, her ribs and stomach. Cara hissed with each sharp nip of Kahlan’s teeth, moaned as Kahlan’s fingers splayed across her skin. Kahlan swept even lower, her hands parting Cara’s thighs. The Mord’Sith had only a moment to comprehend what was happening before Kahlan’s hot mouth covered her sex. Cara’s hips bucked and her back arched from the sudden, intense contact. Her fingers curled and tangled in Kahlan’s thick hair, pressing Kahlan close. Waves of tingling pleasure rolled over and through her as Kahlan’s tongue lapped at her. She thought she must be dreaming. Kahlan had never before used her mouth like this, preferring instead to use her hands. Cara had even wondered if the Confessor was too squeamish for such intimate contact with a woman. She was immensely happy to be proven wrong.
When Kahlan added her fingers to the job her mouth was doing, Cara’s vision narrowed and all thoughts fled from her mind. Cara’s body tightened as if it were a bow string drawn by Kahlan’s hand. Kahlan held her there for one quivering moment, before curling her fingers in the way that always sent Cara tumbling over the edge. Without intention or forethought, Kahlan’s name spilled from Cara’s lips as her release rocked her body. Even to her own ears, it sounded like a plea.
Before the languid haze had a chance to clear from Cara’s mind, Kahlan crawled back up her body and lowered her full weight onto Cara. Without a word, Kahlan began to kiss her again. Cara could taste her own arousal on Kahlan’s lips and tongue. Where the Confessor had been insistent and hungry before, her mouth now moved with unhurried ease, taking the time to suck on Cara’s lips and softly probe her mouth. Cara fell into the sensation, cupping Kahlan’s cheeks and surrendering to the gentle exploration. A fluttering feeling started in her chest, as if tiny bird wings beat against her ribs.
Then, with a sudden shock, reality poured back into Cara’s mind, like freezing water dousing her head. She groaned mournfully and pulled her mouth from Kahlan’s. It was one thing to occasionally find herself useful in Richard’s absence, it was another matter altogether to cuckold her lord when he slumbered only a few floors away. It was a thin distinction, but one that seemed to matter.
“Kahlan, we shouldn’t…” she began in a hoarse whisper.
“Shut up,” growled Kahlan. “You don’t get to have reservations about this now.”
Kahlan silenced any objections Cara might have had with another kiss. And Kahlan was right, of course. Cara had chosen this path too long ago to turn away from it now. She’d abandoned any right to argue the moment she’d let Kahlan touch her the first time. The least she could do now was be honest. She wanted this and she would take this as long as Kahlan gave it to her. As Kahlan kissed her, Cara finally let a few of the emotions she’d been ignoring bubble to the surface. Somewhere along the line, this had ceased to be about physical pleasure alone. Perhaps it had never truly been. There was a certain thrill to that realization, but also a hint of dread. Cara couldn’t see how this nameless thing between her and Kahlan could last. Yet Kahlan was here with her, instead of in her own bed chambers with the man she supposedly loved. Cara’s mind worked to make sense of it.
Kahlan’s whisper dragged Cara out of her thoughts. “Stay with me, Cara,” whispered the Confessor, “For this moment, stay with me.”
Cara focused on the crystalline blue eyes peering down at her. For once, Kahlan did not disguise her tenderness and Cara felt warmth flooding her heart, soothing and frightening all at once. Part of her wanted to run. A voice in her brain mockingly reminded her that she had no right to desire this. Yet she forced herself to keep looking into those eyes until she thought they would swallow her whole, and when Kahlan dipped her head to capture her mouth once again, Cara did not resist.
Part 2
Author: burning_arrow
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: smut
Disclaimer: Obviously I don’t own these characters. If I did, don’t you think things would have gone a bit differently? My muse thanks Terry Goodkind and ABC for giving her such good fodder though.
Word Count: 11,939 total (roughly split into equal parts)
Summary: Cara’s surprised by Kahlan’s behavior after Richard leaves Aydindril.
A/N: Many LotS femslash authors have written pieces on the theme of “Cara and Kahlan have a torrid affair behind Richard’s back and [insert happy, sad, or angsty ending here].” This is my dubious contribution to that body of work. It started out largely as smut, and then it got, well, er…complicated…with occasional appearances from HBIC!Kahlan. I hope you enjoy.
A/N2: links to next part at bottom
Cara Mason did not submit. To anyone. Ever. Not since her Sisters of the Agiel had beaten her and left her for dead. Even her service to the Lord Rahl was more of an understanding among equals. And she most certainly did not submit during sex. So she was a bit confounded when she found herself naked, shoved up against a wall, her wrists pinned above her head by one of the Mother Confessor’s hands, while the fingers of the other worked inside Cara like a master musician, drawing out notes from deep within her that Cara had never heard herself make before. Somehow, Kahlan not only remained clothed, but she clearly showed no signs of letting Cara do anything to rectify that situation. Cara growled in frustration under her breath, but the sound turned to a whimper as Kahlan’s fingers curled inside of her.
“You know the rules,” said the Confessor, her blue eyes glittering and intense, a dark, dangerous smile twisting her lips. “No touching.”
Cara moaned as Kahlan’s thumb ghosted over her sensitive, swollen sex. She at least had enough dignity left to shoot Kahlan an annoyed glare, before the Confessor increased the pressure on her clit and Cara’s head fell back against the stone. She vaguely wondered how it had come to this. She knew she should probably show some sign of resistance, but it was so very hard to concentrate with Kahlan’s thumb swirling over her tender flesh and Kahlan’s hot breath whispering in her ear. She watched with dismay as each inch of her carefully contrived control was stripped away by the Confessor. Her body tensed as the pressure built at the base of her spine, her skin tingling in anticipation.
“Come for me, Cara,” demanded Kahlan, her voice low, her lips barely brushing the edge of Cara’s ear.
Some part of Cara bristled at the audacity of the Confessor. How dare she think to give Cara commands? Yet even as she had these thoughts, her body obeyed the order. With a hoarse cry, Cara bore down on Kahlan’s fingers, and her release shook her body, her muscles rigid with the strain. She felt as if she were shattering into pieces as wave upon wave of ecstasy pushed through her. Kahlan did not remove her hand from Cara’s sex until the last of the contractions subsided, and even then Cara regretted the loss.
When Kahlan freed her wrists, Cara tried to support her own weight, but her traitorous knees buckled and the Confessor caught her gently. It was too much. Cara could handle sex. Though it surprised her when Kahlan had kissed her less than an hour ago, and shocked her even more when the Confessor’s touch had become forceful and dominating, it was still a language that Cara understood. Richard was away in D’Hara, the Confessor alone for more than a month. Perhaps this was not what Richard meant when he’d ordered Cara to stay by Kahlan’s side with instructions to ‘take care of her’, but Cara was not going to question Kahlan’s interpretation of the matter. That was between the Mother Confessor and the Lord Rahl. Cara ignored the momentary twinge of conscience that suggested that it was her friend who she might be betraying, not her lord.
Besides, Cara had always suspected that Richard and Kahlan’s vows of fidelity were a bit overdone, and here was the proof. Cara’s amazement came not at Kahlan’s lack of fortitude, but rather from the gusto with which the Confessor pursued her desires. Not that Cara really minded, except for the part where Kahlan claimed full reign over their activities. But this - the light in Kahlan’s eyes, the soft look she gave Cara, the tenderness in her arms as she held Cara up - this was unnerving. Cara might have said terrifying, if Mord’Sith were capable of admitting fear.
Finding strength that had previously eluded her, Cara straightened up and forced herself away from the wall, roughly pushing Kahlan back with the same motion. The Confessor looked confused by her reaction, then saddened. Cara turned away so she wouldn’t have to watch Kahlan’s expression. She unsteadily walked to where her leathers had been hastily discarded, silently cursing her worthless limbs for their weakness. She pulled them on as quickly as she could before taking a deep breath and swiveling around to face Kahlan, a hand on her hip.
“I should thank you for that interesting diversion,” she said dryly, smirking. “It was most pleasurable.”
There was a faint blush on Kahlan’s cheeks, yet she held Cara’s gaze unflinchingly. In fact the Confessor was the picture of composure as she stood proudly, her hands clasped loosely in front of her. Cara almost shuddered as her eyes traced those long fingers, remembering where they had been only moments ago, but she squelched the impulse.
In a voice that hinted at some deeper emotion, Kahlan replied, “It was indeed satisfying. Perhaps we will have to do it again some time.”
Cara’s mouth went dry with Kahlan’s words. It was a terrible idea, one that could only end badly, but she found her pulse racing at the suggestion. She gave the Confessor a nod, not trusting herself to speak. Without another word, she strode from Kahlan’s chambers, wondering why she suddenly knew what the fly felt when it found itself caught in the spider’s web and also wondering why it didn’t bother her more.
***
The second time it happened, three days later, Cara found herself bent over Kahlan’s desk in the offices of the Mother Confessor. Gripping the outer edge of the desk tightly, her knuckles white with strain, Cara groaned loudly as Kahlan entered her from behind with three fingers. Almost thoughtlessly, Cara widened her stance a little to allow Kahlan better access. She pressed her front to the desktop, the polished wood cool and smooth against her naked breasts and stomach.
Her efforts to avoid the Confessor had proven fruitless when Kahlan convened a meeting of the war council to deal with a small uprising in the south. Cara had no excuses to offer as to why she couldn’t be there. Now she was paying the price - and what a sweet price it was. Kahlan slid smoothly inside of her. Try as she might to ignore and avoid Kahlan’s watchful eye during the council meeting, the Confessor’s gaze had been impossible to escape in a small room with less than ten people. Her disloyal sex had been wet before Kahlan had even had time to yank her leathers off of her.
Now, Cara’s legs trembled as Kahlan moved within her with almost agonizing slowness, first pushing her fingers deep into the Mord’Sith, then almost withdrawing, only to push forward again. Cara gritted her teeth, straining her hips as far back as they could go without letting go of the desk. Kahlan had been very specific about that point. If she released the desk, Kahlan would stop. Yet each time Cara tried to urge Kahlan to penetrate her more fully, the Confessor seemed to slip away, dancing just out of reach. The torturous pleasure nearly made Cara beg, but she bit back the words, not wanting to give Kahlan more than the satisfaction of the guttural noises that escaped unwillingly from Cara’s throat.
Just as Cara thought she could take no more, she felt the palm of Kahlan’s other hand press flat against the small of her back, then slide across her hip and around her waist. Circling around Cara’s body and insinuating itself between her and the desk, Kahlan’s hand found the soaking folds of Cara’s sex. Two nimble fingers slipped past her outer lips and began a steady stroking over her aching flesh. Cara quivered, her whole body shuddering under Kahlan’s touch. Had she been coherent enough to form thoughts she might have wondered at Kahlan’s ability to provoke such a reaction. As it was, Cara barely maintained her hold on the desk as Kahlan thrust deeper into her than she had before, setting up a new and more urgent rhythm. Cara’s breath came in ragged gasps interspersed with low, throaty moans that reverberated in her chest. Cara squeezed her eyes shut as the fire in her belly grew hotter with each stroke, all of her attention focused on Kahlan’s hands and the sensations they elicited.
Within moments she climaxed. Her contractions shook her body, her inner muscles clamping down on Kahlan’s fingers. A wordless shout tore from her mouth. Spirits, it had never felt like this before. When she thought her body had finally surrendered all it could, Kahlan began to caress her again, forcing her over an even higher peak and she nearly screamed. Limp and spent, she lay motionless on the desk save for the heaving rise and fall of her chest as she caught her breath again. Moments passed before she slowly became aware of anything beside the thrill of her release. Kahlan’s hands rested on her hips, and the Confessor bent low over her, planting soft kisses across her back.
Panic bubbled up in Cara’s chest at the gentleness of Kahlan’s lips on her skin. Not again, she thought, desperate and angry. Kahlan could do what she wanted with Cara, except this. She thought Kahlan had understood that after their first encounter. Propping herself up on weak arms, Cara slowly straightened. Kahlan drifted quietly away from her, allowing Cara the space she craved. By the time Cara turned, there was no trace of tenderness in Kahlan’s features. Cara opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. Kahlan’s distant expression made her doubt the intent of the kisses, and she’d not make herself vulnerable by addressing them first. The look on Kahlan’s face almost made it seem as if they’d never happened.
At once sated and disgruntled, Cara again dressed swiftly. She made her way to the door, but Kahlan’s voice stopped her before she could leave.
“I hope you’ll consider joining me for dinner tonight,” said Kahlan easily, taking a seat behind her desk, as if she’d spent the last half hour chatting with Cara like friends instead of having the Mord’Sith sprawled helplessly in front of her. Cara thought, not for the first time, that the Mother Confessor would have made an excellent Mord’Sith.
“I will,” said Cara tersely.
She was not sure she had any choice in the matter.
***
And so it went for almost two months - clandestine meetings every few days between the Mord’Sith and the Confessor, each rendezvous leaving Cara breathless and boneless and more confused than ever. Kahlan never let Cara touch her beyond an initial embrace or a few passionate kisses to get things started. Almost tauntingly, the Confessor drove Cara to great heights of pleasure before finishing her with a sort of ruthless, overwhelming efficiency that Cara had to grudgingly admire. Yet there were always the fleeting touches and surreptitious glances from Kahlan as well - the way she sometimes held Cara’s hand when the Mord’Sith came, or gently swiped a stray hair from Cara’s forehead, or glided a palm easily along Cara’s spine, her blue eyes searching and open. But only for a moment. Then Kahlan’s eyes would flatten and cool, and she would step away before Cara could comment or protest. Only, the damage had been done and Cara would find her head spinning and her chest aching with strange, half-formed emotions that she knew better than to examine too closely. Cara knew she could be nothing more than a stand in for the Lord Rahl, and she told herself, albeit with only half-hearted conviction, that these gentle overtures were just the Confessor’s way of dealing with Richard’s absence, a peculiar sort of transference.
Odder even than their furtive encounters were the times when Cara and Kahlan sought each other out for reasons other than physical satisfaction. Theirs had never been a sociable friendship, more fellow warriors joined in a common cause, but now they seemed to favor each other’s company. An occasional question on a military matter would spin off into an hour long discussion on the philosophy of military leadership. Advice on a particularly difficult and thorny judgment turned into a debate over the merits of compassion versus firmness. Despite the turmoil brewing inside her, Cara was surprised to find she enjoyed these interludes, almost more than their more strenuous exertions. On the road, Kahlan had always seemed naively simple to Cara, and sensitive to the point of absurdity. As the weeks passed, she came to see the complex and politically savvy mind hidden behind Kahlan’s calm demeanor and serene smile. With a sense of giddy awe, Cara watched as the Confessor subtly yet decisively wended her way through machinations of the lords and ladies of the Council, deftly moving them to where she wanted them with as much skill as Kahlan commanded on the battlefield.
For brief periods, Cara could almost forget that Richard would return to claim his mate. She knew she was far too pleased with this thought than she should be. And then one day, Cara’s journeybook announced the arrival of the Lord Rahl on the day after next. Richard explained that he had not alerted her earlier due to Zedd’s concerns of an ambush while they traveled. With his usual blunt and friendly style, Richard sent her warm wishes and hopes of seeing her soon. Upon reading the words, something went numb inside of Cara. She didn’t remember leaving her chambers or entering Kahlan’s. The first thing she would be able to recall later would be the Confessor staring at a piece of parchment in her hand, a letter sent to her by Richard by mounted messenger, her blue eyes somehow both impassive and intense all at once. Kahlan took Cara with such ferocity that night that the Mord’Sith was sore the next day, though she would never complain about that, or about the multiple climaxes Kahlan carried her through.
The Lord Rahl arrived in the city with the fanfare fitting visiting royalty, though Cara could tell Richard was still uncomfortable with this sort of attention, the remnants of the simple woods guide occasionally peeking out from behind his stern guise. Shunning the usual state feast, he insisted on a dinner with only his closest friends and allies. Cara had little stomach for the event, but she attended out of obligation. Richard greeted her with a rough hug, which Cara returned awkwardly, and they stepped apart quickly, Richard grinning at her discomfort. When the meal was served, Kahlan sat at Richard’s right, with Zedd next to the Confessor, while Cara took her place to the left of Richard. The Confessor, wizard, and Seeker talked excitedly among themselves, clearly taking Cara’s silence as nothing more than her usual reticence, though once in a while Kahlan would cast her a questioning glance. Cara was sure to answer questions fully, at least as fully as she normally did, and with enough sarcasm to get an occasional chuckle and, usually, no more questions for a few more minutes.
When Kahlan rose from the table to speak to a clerk who needed her attention, Richard leaned on his elbow toward Cara.
“I assume there’s been no trouble here in Aydindril while I’ve been gone?” he asked quietly, not wanting Kahlan to overhear.
“None that the Mother Confessor couldn’t handle quite adequately,” replied Cara, with a bit more pride and defensiveness than she had intended. Richard raised an amused eyebrow.
“It seems you two have gotten on even better since I left. That’s good. And I’m well aware Kahlan’s very capable, Cara, but I also know she doesn’t want me to worry. So, there really has been nothing of concern?” he insisted.
“No,” answered Cara, forcing herself to relax.
“Very good,” murmured Richard, his eyes tracking Kahlan’s progress across the room. “I appreciate you staying to watch over Kahlan. I know you would have rather traveled to D’Hara. Thank you.”
Cara hummed a non-committal response. A thick knot of something that felt disturbingly like guilt settled in her gut. Did he really not know or at the very least suspect? Cara hadn’t yet met a lord or lady who did not have a dalliance on the side now and then, but she was suddenly confronted with a harsh reminder that Richard was of simpler stock, no matter his bloodline.
As the Confessor slid into her seat again, Richard placed a hand over Kahlan’s. She gave him a wide smile, though Cara thought there might have been a hint of strain around the edges of Kahlan’s eyes. Then Cara cursed herself a fool for seeing what she wished to see. She had been nothing but a bed-warmer for Kahlan, she always knew that. There was no use in regretting that or believing that her feelings changed anything. Now that the Lord Rahl was back, Kahlan would no doubt return to Richard’s bed, and he into her heart, as it had always been. Suddenly feeling ill, Cara stood abruptly.
“I apologize,” she started roughly, “but I am not feeling well.”
Without waiting for a word from the others, Cara left the small dining room. Behind her she heard Richard remark that she really must feel sick if the Mord’Sith had admitted it openly. Zedd laughed at this, but Kahlan was silent. Cara didn’t look back, but she imagined that Kahlan might be watching her go. Or maybe that was just what she hoped.
***
Staring at the ceiling of her quarters, Cara cursed Kahlan, herself, the Spirits, and any other damned thing that happened to pop into her mind at the moment. Jealousy was for fools who demanded more than human nature was capable of producing, people who believed in love and righteousness and that sort of nonsense. Cara didn’t get jealous, because she didn’t have false expectations. At least she hadn’t - until tonight. Ever since returning to her chambers, she’d stewed in her own toxic juices. Sleepless and restless, she’d considered a trip to one of the cities brothels, but couldn’t quite muster the wherewithal to leave her bed. Instead she settled for glaring at the innocent mortar and beams over her head. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, sleep still elusive as ever, she threw her legs over the side of the bed. To the Keeper with it, she thought, I’m not going to stay here while she enjoys a good night’s rest in Richard’s arms.
No sooner had she begun to put a leg into her leathers, than a soft, almost timid knock came at the door. Growling and pulling her leathers up to her waist, her night shift covering her upper body, she stomped to the door and flung it open. The sharp words she’d been about to utter died on her lips as she stared at Kahlan standing there in nothing but a night shift and a shawl. Kahlan never came here. Cara was half-surprised the Confessor even knew where she slept with as large as the Confessors Palace was.
Without waiting for an invitation, Kahlan slid inside the room, closing the door behind her. Speechless, Cara watched as Kahlan surveyed the area around her. Cara kept the space clean and spartan, as befitted the discipline of a proper Mord’Sith. Her one concession to luxury was the bed, large and soft and decently warm during the winters in Aydindril. Kahlan stared at it now, before turning her gaze back to Cara. The Mord’Sith swallowed, her throat dry from the emotion she saw in the Confessor’s eyes.
Cara wasn’t sure who moved first, but suddenly they were tumbling together and backwards onto the bed. Kahlan’s shawl fluttered to the ground, forgotten. Kahlan’s hands were rough as she stripped Cara of her shift and half-donned leathers. Normally, Kahlan would have demanded that Cara grab the headboard or something equally as effective at keeping her hands off of Kahlan, but tonight Kahlan seemed not to care. Though Kahlan made no move to remove her own nightgown, she let Cara grip her hips. Cara pulled Kahlan down on top of her. Kahlan’s mouth devoured Cara’s, the kiss lingering far longer than usual. When Kahlan broke away from the kiss, Cara sucked in a breath, only to have it stolen by Kahlan’s teeth and tongue on her throat. Digging her fingers into Kahlan’s back, Cara cried out in appreciation as the Confessor bit down on her shoulder.
Kahlan’s motions became frenzied, her hands and mouth demanding as they skated over Cara’s chest, her breasts, her ribs and stomach. Cara hissed with each sharp nip of Kahlan’s teeth, moaned as Kahlan’s fingers splayed across her skin. Kahlan swept even lower, her hands parting Cara’s thighs. The Mord’Sith had only a moment to comprehend what was happening before Kahlan’s hot mouth covered her sex. Cara’s hips bucked and her back arched from the sudden, intense contact. Her fingers curled and tangled in Kahlan’s thick hair, pressing Kahlan close. Waves of tingling pleasure rolled over and through her as Kahlan’s tongue lapped at her. She thought she must be dreaming. Kahlan had never before used her mouth like this, preferring instead to use her hands. Cara had even wondered if the Confessor was too squeamish for such intimate contact with a woman. She was immensely happy to be proven wrong.
When Kahlan added her fingers to the job her mouth was doing, Cara’s vision narrowed and all thoughts fled from her mind. Cara’s body tightened as if it were a bow string drawn by Kahlan’s hand. Kahlan held her there for one quivering moment, before curling her fingers in the way that always sent Cara tumbling over the edge. Without intention or forethought, Kahlan’s name spilled from Cara’s lips as her release rocked her body. Even to her own ears, it sounded like a plea.
Before the languid haze had a chance to clear from Cara’s mind, Kahlan crawled back up her body and lowered her full weight onto Cara. Without a word, Kahlan began to kiss her again. Cara could taste her own arousal on Kahlan’s lips and tongue. Where the Confessor had been insistent and hungry before, her mouth now moved with unhurried ease, taking the time to suck on Cara’s lips and softly probe her mouth. Cara fell into the sensation, cupping Kahlan’s cheeks and surrendering to the gentle exploration. A fluttering feeling started in her chest, as if tiny bird wings beat against her ribs.
Then, with a sudden shock, reality poured back into Cara’s mind, like freezing water dousing her head. She groaned mournfully and pulled her mouth from Kahlan’s. It was one thing to occasionally find herself useful in Richard’s absence, it was another matter altogether to cuckold her lord when he slumbered only a few floors away. It was a thin distinction, but one that seemed to matter.
“Kahlan, we shouldn’t…” she began in a hoarse whisper.
“Shut up,” growled Kahlan. “You don’t get to have reservations about this now.”
Kahlan silenced any objections Cara might have had with another kiss. And Kahlan was right, of course. Cara had chosen this path too long ago to turn away from it now. She’d abandoned any right to argue the moment she’d let Kahlan touch her the first time. The least she could do now was be honest. She wanted this and she would take this as long as Kahlan gave it to her. As Kahlan kissed her, Cara finally let a few of the emotions she’d been ignoring bubble to the surface. Somewhere along the line, this had ceased to be about physical pleasure alone. Perhaps it had never truly been. There was a certain thrill to that realization, but also a hint of dread. Cara couldn’t see how this nameless thing between her and Kahlan could last. Yet Kahlan was here with her, instead of in her own bed chambers with the man she supposedly loved. Cara’s mind worked to make sense of it.
Kahlan’s whisper dragged Cara out of her thoughts. “Stay with me, Cara,” whispered the Confessor, “For this moment, stay with me.”
Cara focused on the crystalline blue eyes peering down at her. For once, Kahlan did not disguise her tenderness and Cara felt warmth flooding her heart, soothing and frightening all at once. Part of her wanted to run. A voice in her brain mockingly reminded her that she had no right to desire this. Yet she forced herself to keep looking into those eyes until she thought they would swallow her whole, and when Kahlan dipped her head to capture her mouth once again, Cara did not resist.
Part 2