Comments | bunnynumber13: Concerning the changes in So Let It Be Said, So Let It Be Done

bunnynumber13

Concerning the changes in So Let It Be Said, So Let It Be Done

Sep 14, 2010 14:22

This is what I plan to do and am currently doing:

1. I have decided I am going to write Yuugi Mutou the way I see him, even if it comes off as 'wrong' to others. I've realized I can't write him any other way than the way I want to depict him here. He's not going to be spending the story being Sullen Sally but neither is he going to be a "shiny happy ( Read more... )

my books

Comments 13

jay_kateel September 14 2010, 18:57:59 UTC

I don't think using Japanese words is the best idea because there's always the chance of them being wrong. Of course, there are some things you can't really translate, like the suffixs, or 'aibou' (which might mean 'partner' but it's more than that, too).

I disagree on your use of the word 'sayonara,' because it's so rarely used and the meaning is negative in many ways. Also it's the one Japanese word used in a sentence written in English, when a 'goodbye' (in English) would suffice. Niggles (except on the sayonara part =) ) on my part, really.

I'll be honest, having read it several times, and say that I didn't like where the story was going. I didn't care for the sex scene, but not for the same reasons as the other person. Hopefully you won't take offense to this, but it was ... flowery. In description. And I'm not really understanding Atem's motives. He found his memory, he decides not to go find Yuugi... but he's willing to meet him? And Atem's first reaction to meeting Yuugi again is sleeping with Sarah...?

Just my thoughts!

bunnynumber13 September 14 2010, 19:05:29 UTC

Considering Yuugi ended the call on a negative note, well, I still stand by my use of it. Sayonara is also used by English speakers to say good bye too. *shrugs* I see no problem with my context.

As you can see, there are a lot of problems with the narrative. I'm starting to think this thing may not be salvagable. There's too much wrong with it. :(

jay_kateel September 14 2010, 19:12:58 UTC

Ngggh... I could be wrong for all I know. Atem is not Yami no Yuugi, the spirit of the puzzle, in terms of personalities. I think they would clash. Yami no Yuugi was a vengeful spirit that fed off Yuugi's feelings ... until Yuugi taught him to be good and kind. But that spirit was off-kilter the moment Yuugi wasn't there to guide him.

Vs. Atem, and especially your version, who knows what he's doing. Sure, he's lost in his new world, but he's still a king. And Kings have to keep their feelings at bay. Atem might not be acknowledging his "other self," his love for Yuugi and his spirit self.

-waves hand- My thoughts, anyway!

bunnynumber13 September 14 2010, 19:20:59 UTC

Hey, I welcome all thoughts! I don't expect everyone to agree with everything I do after all.

I've deleted all of the chapters that came after Dinner and Duel Monsters. In my mind, the story went wrong only after that point. So if you're wondering what happened to the rest of the story, that's what I did.

eachainn September 14 2010, 22:47:57 UTC

Huzzah!

Sorry, I like the way you wrote Yugi because he's coping after losing Atem instead of becoming suicidal. That said, he isn't coping well, but I still like the way he's acting when he's obviously out of his depth.

I shall be eagerly awaiting to see what you do with the story now.

bunnynumber13 September 15 2010, 17:45:26 UTC

I personally never thought of Yuugi in that manner. Why would he become suicidal? The whole point of the Yugioh anime/manga was that Yuugi learned to stand on his own. Sure, he's going to have his bad days, who doesn't? He misses Atem. Of course he does. But from his POV the man has gone into the light and he isn't seeing him for the rest of his life. But he will see him again. It's inevitable.

eachainn September 15 2010, 19:00:31 UTC

I have no idea why he would become suicidal. Personally, I see him going back to his reclusive state for a bit to mourn, because Yugi seems like the person who draws inward when he's distressed and then slowly coming around, like he has bad weeks, then bad days. I can also see him still having problems with the day that Atem left, but that's just natural.

And I do see how Yugi could be glad that Atem is gone, just because of the just reward thing, but I sometimes run into the fact that Atem dies at the end and can't get around it, so I suppose that Yugi would hit that point too. He would be happy about it, I suppose, but Yugi would still have to cope with the fact that he had basically just killed his best friend.

bunnynumber13 September 15 2010, 20:07:36 UTC

Maybe Yuugi isn't think he killed his best friend. Atem has actually been dead all this time, his spirit was just trapped on earth. Yuugi is probably thinking the way Yuugi would think of it: that he's the reason a spirit was able to cross over to where it belonged. He wasn't killing Atem, he was freeing him. :)

Thread 5

meggannn September 14 2010, 23:57:06 UTC

The only thing I wasn't really enjoying was the Atem/Sarah romance, tbh. I think it's because you painted, I think, a rather negative picture of her at the beginning: she kind of steamrolled her way into the story, disregarded all of the Ishtars' warnings by throwing her authority around, yelled at them when they seemed reluctant to tell Atem what was going on... She was fine in your later chapters, but I can't get the image of that pushy, aggressive woman out of my head (she reminds me too much of my mother, now that I think about it, haha) and I just don't think Atem would put up with someone like that. IDK. Just my rambling thoughts. Perhaps it's my suspicion of most OCs; I usually don't like it when they barrel their way into stories ( ... )

bunnynumber13 September 15 2010, 17:40:15 UTC

Sarah is who Sarah is. It's the way she wrote herself and I actually quite like her in fact. To me, she's not just the run of the mill original character. She's supposed to be Kisara's reincarnation.

I know many fans hate OCs, let alone OCs who worm their way into romantic subplots. Mostly I've gotten positive feedback from most of the fandoms I've written for the OCs I create. It's one of the reasons why I've kept writing them.

Unfortunately that scene of him with Kaiba was one of the chapters I deleted. That scene will not be included or rewritten. Sorry. *winces*

meggannn September 15 2010, 20:28:52 UTC

I'd briefly entertained the theory about the Sarah being Kisara's reincarnation; I've read MyAibou's story and the selection for the name seemed familiar ( ... )

bunnynumber13 September 16 2010, 02:53:26 UTC

She is the reincarnation of Kisara - I'm just trying to figure out HOW to factor that in to the story. I've read MyAibou's stories too. However, my idea for Kisara's reincarnation being named Sarah had been BEFORE I read her fiction (which will always be THE continuation for Yugioh in my mind, I could never do anything that awesome nor do I want to try ( ... )