Could Have Had it All Btvs/Spn Chapter 12
Title: Could Have Had It All Bvts/Spn Master Post
Author: Noturbaby
Fandoms: Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG-13 - R
Warnings: None (eventual het sex)
Pairings: Dean /Buffy, Sam/Dawn, Willow/Oz, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya Most BtVS characters make an appearance.
Summary:
Buffy and Dean met in High School and fell in love. College, a curse, Dawn, and Buffy's death and John Winchester challenge their love. Set inepisode 2.1 of Supernatural, In My Time of Dying, but containing flashbacks to seasons 4 and 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Master Post
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Xander wheeled a coffin behind the bound Azazel and held it still while Buffy flung the demon's meat suit inside. "You sure that will hold him?" Dawn asked from her 'look-out' position.
"Yes, Dawn," Willow replied. "All those markings on the coffin are various demon traps. He can't smoke out while that sack's on his head and that rope is tied around him." They watched Xander lock the coffin. "Now, he can't get out until we let him out."
"Good."
"What's next?" Buffy asked.
"Next, Dawn and I go pick up the van I rented and you and Willow stand guard. Then, Will and I drive this thing back to Cleveland," Xander said matter-of-factually. "Are you two going to be okay here on your own?"
Buffy and Dawn exchanged looks. "I think so," Buffy answered sounding much more sure than she felt.
Willow put a comforting arm around her friend. "Hurry back, Xander. I don't like hanging out in morgues."
"Right, we'll be back in less than an hour. Come on, Dawn."
Once they left, Willow squeezed Buffy gently. "How are you, really?"
"Scared to death."
"Hm, why's that?"
"I didn't think this was going to be so hard when I left Cleveland." Buffy stepped out of her friend's embrace. "Dean's hurting and angry. I didn't think-"
"How did you think he'd feel?" Willow tried to keep her emotions in control as she interrupted her. "Dean loved you and you chose not to be with him. Of course he's going to be hurt. Did you think you were just going to pick up where you left off, like nothing happened?"
"No, of course not, no." Buffy sought understanding in her best friend's eyes. "I didn't expect that I would feel anything. I haven't felt anything in so long, I had forgotten what it's like to love someone so much."
"Oh, Buffy," Willow sighed sympathetically.
"Will, you should have seen him. When I spoke to him, he actually apologized for leaving Dawn. He told me he tried to make a deal to bring me back." Buffy closed her eyes to will away the tears threatening to fall. She had to change her focus or she'd breakdown completely. "Willow, there's something else, Dean could touch me. When I was on the spirit walk, we could feel each other. He touched my arm and he pushed me back to you guys. How was he able to do that?"
"I don't know. That shouldn't have been possible." Willow looked baffled. "He was able to move you?"
"Yeah, I could feel his hand." Buffy retraced his hand on her cheek. "Do you think he'll remember our talk while he was under? By now Sam or John have told him I'm not dead." She wrung her hands. "Do you think he'll want to see me?"
Willow wanted to tell Buffy what she wanted to hear, but she had to be honest, also. "Buffy, you broke his heart," she watched Buffy react to that, but decided to keep talking, "before you died, when you died, and when you decided not to tell him you came back. If it was the other way around, would you want to see him?"
Buffy's hand went to her necklace. If it had been Dean who had returned from the dead... "Yes," Buffy answered finally. "I would." She began to smile. "I'd want to kill him, but then, I'd just want him back in my life. I love him."
Willow shook her head in amusement. "Well, it's about time you figured that out."
Buffy looked duly chastised. "He's going to kill me."
Willow nodded, but smiled. "Is he worth it?"
Buffy smiled wider. "Yeah, totally worth it."
Sunnydale 2001
At sixteen, Dean faced down a werewolf, nerves of steel, he pulled the trigger sending the silver bullet through the beast's heart in one shot. At twenty, he helped his girlfriend stop an apocalypse. Since then, he had nearly lost track of the number of ghosts, demons and supernatural beings he'd put to rest. Still, he couldn't remember being more nervous.
Dean hated hospitals. Hospitals meant something had gone terribly wrong; someone had gotten seriously hurt; someone was close to death. However, Dean wanted to do this right, so visiting Mrs. Summers was something he had to do.
12~12~12
"Hey, Mrs. Summers, how're you feeling?" Dean asked as he quietly entered her room. He put his flowers on the small table. "Are you up for a visitor?"
Dean's friendly smile made Joyce return one of her own. "Dean, it's so nice to see you. Come, sit down."
Dean smiled. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes, thank you. I am," her tired smile belied her condition. "You just missed Buffy."
"That's okay. I'm here to see you." Dean sighed and ran an hand over his head. He smiled sheepishly at her. "I was hoping to ask you something."
Joyce studied him carefully. He was barely making eye contact and he had rubbed his palms on his jeans twice. If Dean was this concerned about something, Joyce was worried. "What is it, dear?"
Dean couldn't read Joyce's expression and he suddenly felt a lot less confident, so he changed the topic. "Sam's real worried about you. He wanted me to tell you that if he could, he'd be here. Um, he and my dad are in Missouri."
A fond smile covered Joyce's face when Dean mentioned Sam's concern. "Thank him for his concern, but the doctors say I should be just fine after the operation, and there's nothing he could do here."
Dean nodded and began to anxiously play with the ribbon on her flowers. "Yeah, I told him, but," he shrugged, "Sam gets worried anyway."
The boy's nerves were beginning to bother Joyce. Whatever he was there to say must be terrible. After he almost knocked over the vase of flowers, Dean jumped up and dried his palms on his jeans, again.
"Dean, is something wrong?"
"No!" he realized he spoke too loudly and too suddenly. "No, I just hate hospitals," he added in a more normal volume.
"Oh,"Joyce sighed in relief. "That's good. I mean, who doesn't? I know I'd rather not be here."
"Do you know when you'll get out?"
"No, it depends on how the operation goes."
Dean nodded. "I told my dad, so he knows I'm going to stay in town until you're on your feet again."
"I appreciate that, Dean. I'm sure Buffy does, too."
They were quiet for a minute and then Dean spoke again. "I know I'm supposed to talk to Hank, but since he's a dou- a jerk that Buffy wants nothing to do with, I figured I should talk to you." he fidgeted again then stammered,"I, uh, I want to ask you for you permission to ask Buffy to marry me." Dean misread Joyce's surprised expression. "I know I don't have a lot to offer…" he said quietly, edging away, wanting the floor to swallow him whole.
Joyce's mouth fell open in surprise and she blinked a few times to be sure she hadn't imagined the scene before her, then she beamed, "Oh, that's wonderful! But, you don't need my permission." Joyce saw the insecurity in his eyes and reached for his hand, "Dean, all anyone can offer is their heart, nothing else matters." Dean felt the color rise in his cheeks. "Do you have a date in mind?"
Dean cleared his throat, relieved and surprised at the same time. "No, ma'am. I haven't even asked her yet. She needs to finish school and you need to get well." Joyce nodded. "But, I do have a ring." He stood and pulled a box from his pocket, then handed it to Joyce. "It was my grandmother's and I've got to fix the band, but at least it's a ring."
She opened the box and sighed, "Dean, it's beautiful." After a moment, she put a hand over her mouth to cover her laugh, "It's so you." Seeing Dean's confused look, "It's a princess cut."
"I don't know what that means," Dean wrinkled his brow.
Joyce's warm smile comforted him. "It's the shape of the diamond, the way it's cut," she said as she closed the box and returned it to him. "It's perfect, Dean. Buffy's going to love it."
"Thanks, Mrs. Summers." Dean blushed, though he felt assured by her words.
"You know, there's a store downtown, Prittchard's, it's just a few blocks from the gallery, they can re-size that band for you."
"Thanks, but I'm not going to ask her until you're better, so," he shrugged and got ready to leave. "I guess I should go so you can rest."
"Have you told your father?"
Dean shifted his weight, "I figure I've got to get her to say 'yes' before I tell anyone else."
Suddenly Joyce was fighting tears, she whispered, "Thank you," making Dean felt even more uncomfortable and insecure again. After a fortifying breath, she said, "You know, Buffy thinks she has to do everything herself. She takes on more than she should. You're the only one who makes her take a step back and see that others can help." She smiled at the unnerved man before her. "When I see her with you, I see my daughter, not the girl who thinks she has to save the world. It makes me feel so relieved to know you'll be there to take care of her."
Dean tried to give her a smile in return.
"Don't worry, Dean, she'll say 'yes'."
Singer Salvage 2004
Bobby Singer inventoried the parts the Impala was going to need to be restored to her near perfect condition. He knew Sam was right, if Dean recovered, he was going to want the car. "If?" Bobby shook his head, "when" he reminded himself. He couldn't bear the thought of Dean not recovering.
Bobby looked around his home, it wouldn't take much to turn that back room into a place Dean could recuperate. The door was wide enough for a hospital bed to fit through, if needed, and being on the ground level, Dean wouldn't have to do stairs. Yeah, Bobby nodded to himself, the boy could recover here. Bobby had just decided to ready the room before ordering the parts for the car, when his phone rang. He swallowed down his fear that it was Sam calling with bad news and prayed the boy would have good news.
"Hey, Bobby."
"Sam, tell me you're calling with good news, boy. How's Dean? Any changes?"
"Yeah, Bobby. He's awake."
"Well, thank god," Bobby sighed, letting relief wash over him as he took a seat. "How's he doing? What do the doctors say?"
"He's doing fine, Bobby, that's kinda why I called." Sam told Bobby about Buffy and then about how they had crossed over to talk to Dean. Finally, he told him about Willow's spell. "Bobby, is that dark magic? Willow promised it wasn't, but something doesn't feel right."
Bobby studied the words Sam had repeated to him. "I don't know for sure, but, I don't think so. It's old, ancient even, but I don't think it's black magic." He heard Sam sigh in relief. "I'll look into it, though, to make sure."
"Thanks, Bobby."
"You boys need anything else? Because I'm coming in to see boy wonder's miraculous recovery myself."
After saying good bye, Bobby let all of Sam's revelations wash over him. Dean was alive and he was going to be okay. Bobby didn't think there could be better news. The news of Buffy's return had the man just as afraid as the news of the Winchester's accident had. He rarely agreed with John's parenting ideas, but he could understand keeping Buffy's resurrection from Dean. Losing her once nearly killed the boy. Dean wouldn't survive losing her again.
Sunnydale 2001
Dean patrolled Restfield cemetery practically hoping to run into a vampire. Ever since he returned to Sunnydale to help Buffy after Joyce died, there was so much stress Dean need the release a good vampire dusting would bring.
When he had made it to the far end, he swore he heard Buffy's voice. He hid by a large oak and listened. "Dean is so stupid. I could never love him, not like I love you. You're so strong and so much more handsome. Dean's an ugly warthog compared to you."
Dean cocked his head, that sounded like Buffy, but Buffy would never call him an ugly warthog. She had more colorful words to describe him when she was angry and lately she hadn't been angry. He risked a peek around the tree.
"Can we have the sex again? I love having the sex with you."
Dean swallowed an astonished gasp. That looked like Buffy and sounded like Buffy, but that couldn't be Buffy. He stepped out from his hiding spot to confront his girl and the guy with her. "What the hell is going on here?" he demanded, even more incensed when he saw that the guy was Spike.
Buffy turned to him. "My true love and I are going to have the sex out here under the stars."
Dean tugged Buffy's arm. "The hell you are." When Buffy didn't move, he looked at Spike. "What the hell is going on? What did you do to her?"
Buffy swatted at Dean's hand. "Spike did all sorts of wonderful things to me. I love him and he loves me and we're going to be together forever."
Dean's brows couldn't go any higher. "That so?" he asked, again turning to the vampire. "Spike?"
The vampire smirked. "It's not what you think, hunter."
That explanation fell on deaf ears; Dean was studying the girl next to him. "Buffy, look at me." The girl did as she was told and Dean's eyes narrowed. Something was very off with Buffy. "You have some dirt on your face," he said as he rubbed his thumb over her cheek, his mouth falling open as he did. "You're - you're a - holy crap. You made a sex doll out of ….." Dean spun in rage towards Spike only to find the vampire running away. "You better run you bastard!"
"Oh, no!" Buffy-bot whined. "Where's my lover going? I need him."
Dean dragged a weary hand over his face and sighed. "Um, why don't you let me make a call? I'll find out where he went and take you to him."
The bot beamed at him. "Oh, thank you. I don't know what I would do without Spike."
12~12~12
At the magic shop a half hour later, Willow had found how to switch off the Buffy-bot, but Dean was far from done being angry. "This is why we need to dust Spike," he said pointing to the sex-bot.
"He obviously has an unhealthy attraction to you, Buff," Xander added as he examined the doll's hair.
"It's just like the doll Warren made. I bet he's the one who made this for Spike," Willow added as she walked around the inanimate Buffy-bot.
Buffy shuddered. "It looks exactly like me."
"No, it doesn't," Dean snapped. "The eye color is off, that mole is in the wrong spot and it talked like a complete airhead."
Buffy smiled at him before wrapping her arms around his neck. "And that is why I love you," she said as she leaned in to kiss him. Dean was a little stunned by her sudden public display, but didn't pull away.
"It could prove to be useful," Giles said as he brought over a box large enough to store the robot.
Dean was beyond shocked at the watcher's comment. "Dude, no. If anyone deserves a Buffy sex-toy, it's me."
Buffy raised a brow. Currently amused by her boyfriend, she waited for him to put his foot in his mouth. Dean saw her look and knew he had to think fast. "Because I'm gone so much." Her look challenged him to continue. Dean ignored Xander's quiet, "Dean," warning and went on. "It could stay here in Sunnydale, while you drive off with me," he finished with a smile.
"Nice save," Buffy smirked and put her arms back around him.
"That's not such a bad idea," Giles mumbled. "Willow, can this thing be re-programmed?"
Willow shrugged."I don't know, but I guess I could try."
"Either way, I'm killing Spike," Dean said with a finality that Buffy knew not to argue.
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
"I am not the patient creature your poets and story tellers make me out to be. In fact, my patience is wearing thin." The man in black raised a brow at the hunter's lack of attention. "I am owed a soul. Let me remind you, your son is living on borrowed time. However, it was your deal that caused harm to my reaper."
John kept his face turned towards the door. He had always demanded so much from Dean and his son had never let him down. John felt he could finally pay his debt. With a deep breath, he faced the other man. "What brought Dean back? The deal I made or the spell the witch preformed."
The man studied John in curiosity, what could it possibly matter which brought his son back? "Not that it matters, but my reaper is responsible for your son's return. The witch's spell only healed him."
John nodded. "Thank you." He took a final look around, placed the Colt and his journal in his coat. "If you're willing to accept my soul for his, I'm ready."
The man nodded curtly. "Very well, follow me."
Sunnydale May 2001
Dean checked his watch. He should have just enough time to pick up the ring and get back to Buffy's house without her knowing a thing. He almost wanted to leave the Impala running to insure a quick get away.
The clerk at Prittchard's jewelry counter looked intrigued when Dean approached. Guys that looked like him, didn't shop for jewelry; guys like him used shopping as an excuse to get her number. Angela was very pleased that she had decided to pick up an extra shift, and even more pleased that her blouse showed just the right amount of cleavage to keep him interested. "Hi, can I help you?" she asked in her most velvety voice.
Dean grinned. "Yes, you can. I'm here to pick up a ring. It was being re-sized."
Angela batted her lashes. "Of course. Name?"
"Winchester."
"I'll be right back Mr. Winchester." Angela sashayed to the back room, returning a moment later with a small box. With a bright smile, she said, "Here it is, Mr. Winchester." Then she opened the box for Dean to examine the ring. "That's a beautiful ring. You have one very lucky girl."
"Thanks, but I'm the lucky one."
"Aw," Angela gushed, "that's so sweet. I wish more guys were like you."
"Uh, yeah, well, if you could just wrap that up, I'll be on my way."
"Of course. Do you have your receipt?"
"Sure." Dean padded his jean pockets, then rifled through his jacket pockets, then flipped through his wallet - no receipt. "Uh, okay, I seemed to have forgotten the receipt."
Angela returned the ring to the box and placed the box in the locking cabinet under the register. "I'm sorry," she said sounding truly disappointed. "I can't give you the ring without the receipt. Store policy."
Dean momentarily panicked. "You don't understand. I have to get that ring tonight."
Angela shrugged. "Sorry. There's nothing I can do."
Dean took a moment to think, then gave Angela his most charming smile. "Angela, you've got to help me. This is supposed to be a surprise for my girlfriend. This is my only night off this week." It wasn't a lie, Dean told himself, sneaking away from Buffy and the others was nearly impossible.
"Sorry," Angela gave him a flirty pout, "I could get in big trouble if I don't have the receipt to turn in. What if you're not really the guy who ordered the ring? If some other guy comes in claiming the ring is his, I could lose my job."
"I wouldn't want that to happen," Dean said as he ratcheted up his smile and leaned on the counter. "I could really make it worth your while if you bend the rules this one time."
"Well, I don't know," Angela bit her lip in thought. "I'll go ask my manager."
"You do that, sweetheart. I'll wait right here." Dean watched her walk away before checking to see if security cameras would catch him getting into that cabinet.
12~12~12
Having just paid for new tan pants to replace the ones Dawn spilled coffee on that morning, Buffy was surprised to see Dean at the store. He had told her he would patrol by the warehouse district. She watched in jealous anger as Angela gave Dean her 'flirty' pout and she watched as Dean smiled and checked out Angela as the girl walked away.
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Sam Winchester was just returning to the floor from his call with Bobby when he saw the medical team rush into his father's room. "Dad!"
Hearing his brother's shout, Dean rushed into the hall to follow Sam to their father's room. The brothers were immediately shoved aside as medical personnel rushed to John's aid.
Sunnydale May 2001
Buffy tossed another of Dean's shirts towards the duffel bag on the floor of her room. "That bastard! He's lucky I've got Glory to deal with or I would tear him apart."
"Buffy, I'm sure it's not what you think," Willow said in a feeble attempt at calming her friend.
"Ha! It is exactly what I think! It's always exactly what I think when Dean lies. He's an irresponsible lying jackass."
"Buffy, you don't know what he was doing there."
"Oh, I know," Buffy retorted. "I didn't need to stick around and see it with my own eyes, but I know. I have seen that look before." She glanced around her room for anything else that belonged to Dean. She carelessly stuffed his belongings in the bag and dragged it down the stairs. She opened her front door and tossed the bag onto her porch, slamming the door behind her.
Dawn cautiously approached her. "Buffy, don't you think you should give him a chance to explain?"
Buffy spun on her heel and glared at her sister for a minute. The longer she stood there, the more she felt like crying. But, then she heard the Impala's engine. Getting her emotions under control, Buffy said, "Dawn, don't let him in. Just tell him to go." Dawn was about to protest but Buffy pleaded, "Please, Dawn, I can't face him right now."
Buffy went to her room, telling herself she wasn't hiding, she was simply avoiding, when she heard Dean's "What the hell?" from the front porch. Dean tried the knob and found it locked. "Buffy?" he asked as he pounded on the door.
"She doesn't want to see you," Dawn replied from the other side.
"Dawn, what the hell is going on? Why is my stuff out here? Is she kicking me out?"
"Give the boy a prize," Willow said dryly.
"Why? What happened?" Dean shouted as he backed off the porch to see if Buffy's bedroom light was on.
Willow spoke through the door, "She saw you, Dean, and she's not in the mood for more lies."
Dean's eye's widened. "What do you mean 'saw me'? Saw me where?"
"Does it matter?" Willow asked as Dawn answered, "Downtown."
Dean cursed quietly. He picked up his duffel bag and left.
Buffy listened from her room as the Impala drove away. Willow knocked at her door, "Buffy?"
"I'm okay, Willow, I just want to be alone."
12~12~12
Buffy wasn't alone for long. Dean climbed through her window a moment later only to have to dodge everything Buffy could throw at him. "Buffy, let me explain..."
"Explain? You mean lie."
"No. I will tell you the God's honest truth, I swear, then if you want me to, I will leave. Just give me five minutes."
Buffy stood poised with her clock ready to throw. She looked at her clock. "Two minutes."
Dean took a deep breath. "Dawn said you saw me downtown, so you must have seen me at Prittchard's." At Buffy's expression, Dean knew he was right. "Okay, so if you saw me at Prittchard's, you probably saw me with Angela."
"I so don't need to know her name," Buffy said with a glare.
Dean held his hands up and backed toward the window thinking he was going to have to spoil everything. "Did you go through my stuff when you tossed it out?"
He was worried about his privacy? That's some nerve, Buffy thought. "No, jerkface. I really didn't want to know what I'd find."
Dean nearly smiled, she hadn't found out about the ring. "If you would have, you would have found a receipt from Prittchard's. The receipt I didn't have which made me have to sweet talk Angela to let me pick up something they were fixing for me."
"Sweet talking the sales girl? Is that what you're calling it?"
"Look, I know I lied to you about where I was going and what I was doing, but it's hard to keep a secret around here." He sighed and bowed his head and for a moment Buffy thought he looked truly sorry. He looked up and asked, "What did you think I was doing?"
Buffy closed her eyes to gather her strength. "Dean, it doesn't matter. I don't have time for this. I can't work things out with you right now. I've got to take care of Dawn, now."
"Did something happen with Dawn?" he asked urgently.
"Yes, her school called. I had to meet with the principal. Dawn's been skipping class, forging my signature, she's close to failing some subjects, and the principal threatened to turn our case over to Social Services."
Dean's mouth fell open for a second. He hadn't thought Dawn's trouble making was too bad, but he knew from experience that getting Social Services called was a big deal. "I, I'm sorry. I didn't know, you never told me."
"Well, I'm telling you now. I can't deal with two irresponsible children. I've got to focus on Dawn. I've got to protect her from Glory, from everything."
"Hey, I'm not that irresponsible. I'm not the bad guy here. I was only -"
"Right, of course not," Buffy huffed in sarcasm. "You're not a good influence on her, that's for sure. All your stories just encourage her to skip school. You aren't where you say you are when you say you're going to be there." She glared at Dean for a moment. "I can't worry about whether you're happy right now. I can't worry that I'm not the perfect girl for you. I just can't. I've got too much going on. I've got to raise Dawn and keep her safe. I've got Glory closing in and no way to stop her. I need you to leave."
Dean felt like he'd been punched in the gut; all the air was sucked from the room. He stood there dumbly, unable to think of a way to make Buffy see she needed him or how much he needed her. Everything was spinning out of control. He nodded mutely, not able to trust his voice, and did as she asked.
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Buffy entered the room nearly silently and found Dean standing at his bedside looking at a book. He was alive and looked okay and Buffy thought her heart was going to explode she was so happy. "Hey," she whispered not wanting to disturb this dream.
Dean looked up, his face a mask of bitterness. "What are you doing here?"
His tone made Buffy stutter. "I, I wanted to see if you were really okay."
"Okay? Since when do you care?" Dean raised and incredulous brow. "You know, I didn't ask for any of you to be here. I didn't ask you to pay my bills or get me a specialist. I don't want anything from you." He dismissed her by returning to the journal that lay open of the table before him.
"I know you don't," she said calmly. "I, when the hospital called Dawn, she said she was flying out. I just had to come. I had to know you were going to be all right."
The only response Dean gave her was a cold stare. He knew he had hurt her, had let her down, but that paled to how broken he felt. His anger was pouring off him in ceaseless waves. "I changed my mind. I do want something. I want you to leave."
"Dean.."
"Now. Please. Leave."
Buffy's only response was to stutter. "D-Dean."
"Get out!" he growled.
Suddenly, the floor nurse was there, taking Buffy's arm and directing her out. "Miss, please, I can't have you disturbing my patient."
Buffy looked from the nurse to Dean and back and mumbled "sorry," as she followed the nurse from the room
In the hall, the nurse placed a comforting hand on Buffy's back. "Look, people deal with grief in different ways. The boy just lost his father. I'm sure when he's had some time, he'll be willing to let you visit."
chapter 13
Author: Noturbaby
Fandoms: Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG-13 - R
Warnings: None (eventual het sex)
Pairings: Dean /Buffy, Sam/Dawn, Willow/Oz, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya Most BtVS characters make an appearance.
Summary:
Buffy and Dean met in High School and fell in love. College, a curse, Dawn, and Buffy's death and John Winchester challenge their love. Set inepisode 2.1 of Supernatural, In My Time of Dying, but containing flashbacks to seasons 4 and 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Master Post
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Xander wheeled a coffin behind the bound Azazel and held it still while Buffy flung the demon's meat suit inside. "You sure that will hold him?" Dawn asked from her 'look-out' position.
"Yes, Dawn," Willow replied. "All those markings on the coffin are various demon traps. He can't smoke out while that sack's on his head and that rope is tied around him." They watched Xander lock the coffin. "Now, he can't get out until we let him out."
"Good."
"What's next?" Buffy asked.
"Next, Dawn and I go pick up the van I rented and you and Willow stand guard. Then, Will and I drive this thing back to Cleveland," Xander said matter-of-factually. "Are you two going to be okay here on your own?"
Buffy and Dawn exchanged looks. "I think so," Buffy answered sounding much more sure than she felt.
Willow put a comforting arm around her friend. "Hurry back, Xander. I don't like hanging out in morgues."
"Right, we'll be back in less than an hour. Come on, Dawn."
Once they left, Willow squeezed Buffy gently. "How are you, really?"
"Scared to death."
"Hm, why's that?"
"I didn't think this was going to be so hard when I left Cleveland." Buffy stepped out of her friend's embrace. "Dean's hurting and angry. I didn't think-"
"How did you think he'd feel?" Willow tried to keep her emotions in control as she interrupted her. "Dean loved you and you chose not to be with him. Of course he's going to be hurt. Did you think you were just going to pick up where you left off, like nothing happened?"
"No, of course not, no." Buffy sought understanding in her best friend's eyes. "I didn't expect that I would feel anything. I haven't felt anything in so long, I had forgotten what it's like to love someone so much."
"Oh, Buffy," Willow sighed sympathetically.
"Will, you should have seen him. When I spoke to him, he actually apologized for leaving Dawn. He told me he tried to make a deal to bring me back." Buffy closed her eyes to will away the tears threatening to fall. She had to change her focus or she'd breakdown completely. "Willow, there's something else, Dean could touch me. When I was on the spirit walk, we could feel each other. He touched my arm and he pushed me back to you guys. How was he able to do that?"
"I don't know. That shouldn't have been possible." Willow looked baffled. "He was able to move you?"
"Yeah, I could feel his hand." Buffy retraced his hand on her cheek. "Do you think he'll remember our talk while he was under? By now Sam or John have told him I'm not dead." She wrung her hands. "Do you think he'll want to see me?"
Willow wanted to tell Buffy what she wanted to hear, but she had to be honest, also. "Buffy, you broke his heart," she watched Buffy react to that, but decided to keep talking, "before you died, when you died, and when you decided not to tell him you came back. If it was the other way around, would you want to see him?"
Buffy's hand went to her necklace. If it had been Dean who had returned from the dead... "Yes," Buffy answered finally. "I would." She began to smile. "I'd want to kill him, but then, I'd just want him back in my life. I love him."
Willow shook her head in amusement. "Well, it's about time you figured that out."
Buffy looked duly chastised. "He's going to kill me."
Willow nodded, but smiled. "Is he worth it?"
Buffy smiled wider. "Yeah, totally worth it."
Sunnydale 2001
At sixteen, Dean faced down a werewolf, nerves of steel, he pulled the trigger sending the silver bullet through the beast's heart in one shot. At twenty, he helped his girlfriend stop an apocalypse. Since then, he had nearly lost track of the number of ghosts, demons and supernatural beings he'd put to rest. Still, he couldn't remember being more nervous.
Dean hated hospitals. Hospitals meant something had gone terribly wrong; someone had gotten seriously hurt; someone was close to death. However, Dean wanted to do this right, so visiting Mrs. Summers was something he had to do.
12~12~12
"Hey, Mrs. Summers, how're you feeling?" Dean asked as he quietly entered her room. He put his flowers on the small table. "Are you up for a visitor?"
Dean's friendly smile made Joyce return one of her own. "Dean, it's so nice to see you. Come, sit down."
Dean smiled. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes, thank you. I am," her tired smile belied her condition. "You just missed Buffy."
"That's okay. I'm here to see you." Dean sighed and ran an hand over his head. He smiled sheepishly at her. "I was hoping to ask you something."
Joyce studied him carefully. He was barely making eye contact and he had rubbed his palms on his jeans twice. If Dean was this concerned about something, Joyce was worried. "What is it, dear?"
Dean couldn't read Joyce's expression and he suddenly felt a lot less confident, so he changed the topic. "Sam's real worried about you. He wanted me to tell you that if he could, he'd be here. Um, he and my dad are in Missouri."
A fond smile covered Joyce's face when Dean mentioned Sam's concern. "Thank him for his concern, but the doctors say I should be just fine after the operation, and there's nothing he could do here."
Dean nodded and began to anxiously play with the ribbon on her flowers. "Yeah, I told him, but," he shrugged, "Sam gets worried anyway."
The boy's nerves were beginning to bother Joyce. Whatever he was there to say must be terrible. After he almost knocked over the vase of flowers, Dean jumped up and dried his palms on his jeans, again.
"Dean, is something wrong?"
"No!" he realized he spoke too loudly and too suddenly. "No, I just hate hospitals," he added in a more normal volume.
"Oh,"Joyce sighed in relief. "That's good. I mean, who doesn't? I know I'd rather not be here."
"Do you know when you'll get out?"
"No, it depends on how the operation goes."
Dean nodded. "I told my dad, so he knows I'm going to stay in town until you're on your feet again."
"I appreciate that, Dean. I'm sure Buffy does, too."
They were quiet for a minute and then Dean spoke again. "I know I'm supposed to talk to Hank, but since he's a dou- a jerk that Buffy wants nothing to do with, I figured I should talk to you." he fidgeted again then stammered,"I, uh, I want to ask you for you permission to ask Buffy to marry me." Dean misread Joyce's surprised expression. "I know I don't have a lot to offer…" he said quietly, edging away, wanting the floor to swallow him whole.
Joyce's mouth fell open in surprise and she blinked a few times to be sure she hadn't imagined the scene before her, then she beamed, "Oh, that's wonderful! But, you don't need my permission." Joyce saw the insecurity in his eyes and reached for his hand, "Dean, all anyone can offer is their heart, nothing else matters." Dean felt the color rise in his cheeks. "Do you have a date in mind?"
Dean cleared his throat, relieved and surprised at the same time. "No, ma'am. I haven't even asked her yet. She needs to finish school and you need to get well." Joyce nodded. "But, I do have a ring." He stood and pulled a box from his pocket, then handed it to Joyce. "It was my grandmother's and I've got to fix the band, but at least it's a ring."
She opened the box and sighed, "Dean, it's beautiful." After a moment, she put a hand over her mouth to cover her laugh, "It's so you." Seeing Dean's confused look, "It's a princess cut."
"I don't know what that means," Dean wrinkled his brow.
Joyce's warm smile comforted him. "It's the shape of the diamond, the way it's cut," she said as she closed the box and returned it to him. "It's perfect, Dean. Buffy's going to love it."
"Thanks, Mrs. Summers." Dean blushed, though he felt assured by her words.
"You know, there's a store downtown, Prittchard's, it's just a few blocks from the gallery, they can re-size that band for you."
"Thanks, but I'm not going to ask her until you're better, so," he shrugged and got ready to leave. "I guess I should go so you can rest."
"Have you told your father?"
Dean shifted his weight, "I figure I've got to get her to say 'yes' before I tell anyone else."
Suddenly Joyce was fighting tears, she whispered, "Thank you," making Dean felt even more uncomfortable and insecure again. After a fortifying breath, she said, "You know, Buffy thinks she has to do everything herself. She takes on more than she should. You're the only one who makes her take a step back and see that others can help." She smiled at the unnerved man before her. "When I see her with you, I see my daughter, not the girl who thinks she has to save the world. It makes me feel so relieved to know you'll be there to take care of her."
Dean tried to give her a smile in return.
"Don't worry, Dean, she'll say 'yes'."
Singer Salvage 2004
Bobby Singer inventoried the parts the Impala was going to need to be restored to her near perfect condition. He knew Sam was right, if Dean recovered, he was going to want the car. "If?" Bobby shook his head, "when" he reminded himself. He couldn't bear the thought of Dean not recovering.
Bobby looked around his home, it wouldn't take much to turn that back room into a place Dean could recuperate. The door was wide enough for a hospital bed to fit through, if needed, and being on the ground level, Dean wouldn't have to do stairs. Yeah, Bobby nodded to himself, the boy could recover here. Bobby had just decided to ready the room before ordering the parts for the car, when his phone rang. He swallowed down his fear that it was Sam calling with bad news and prayed the boy would have good news.
"Hey, Bobby."
"Sam, tell me you're calling with good news, boy. How's Dean? Any changes?"
"Yeah, Bobby. He's awake."
"Well, thank god," Bobby sighed, letting relief wash over him as he took a seat. "How's he doing? What do the doctors say?"
"He's doing fine, Bobby, that's kinda why I called." Sam told Bobby about Buffy and then about how they had crossed over to talk to Dean. Finally, he told him about Willow's spell. "Bobby, is that dark magic? Willow promised it wasn't, but something doesn't feel right."
Bobby studied the words Sam had repeated to him. "I don't know for sure, but, I don't think so. It's old, ancient even, but I don't think it's black magic." He heard Sam sigh in relief. "I'll look into it, though, to make sure."
"Thanks, Bobby."
"You boys need anything else? Because I'm coming in to see boy wonder's miraculous recovery myself."
After saying good bye, Bobby let all of Sam's revelations wash over him. Dean was alive and he was going to be okay. Bobby didn't think there could be better news. The news of Buffy's return had the man just as afraid as the news of the Winchester's accident had. He rarely agreed with John's parenting ideas, but he could understand keeping Buffy's resurrection from Dean. Losing her once nearly killed the boy. Dean wouldn't survive losing her again.
Sunnydale 2001
Dean patrolled Restfield cemetery practically hoping to run into a vampire. Ever since he returned to Sunnydale to help Buffy after Joyce died, there was so much stress Dean need the release a good vampire dusting would bring.
When he had made it to the far end, he swore he heard Buffy's voice. He hid by a large oak and listened. "Dean is so stupid. I could never love him, not like I love you. You're so strong and so much more handsome. Dean's an ugly warthog compared to you."
Dean cocked his head, that sounded like Buffy, but Buffy would never call him an ugly warthog. She had more colorful words to describe him when she was angry and lately she hadn't been angry. He risked a peek around the tree.
"Can we have the sex again? I love having the sex with you."
Dean swallowed an astonished gasp. That looked like Buffy and sounded like Buffy, but that couldn't be Buffy. He stepped out from his hiding spot to confront his girl and the guy with her. "What the hell is going on here?" he demanded, even more incensed when he saw that the guy was Spike.
Buffy turned to him. "My true love and I are going to have the sex out here under the stars."
Dean tugged Buffy's arm. "The hell you are." When Buffy didn't move, he looked at Spike. "What the hell is going on? What did you do to her?"
Buffy swatted at Dean's hand. "Spike did all sorts of wonderful things to me. I love him and he loves me and we're going to be together forever."
Dean's brows couldn't go any higher. "That so?" he asked, again turning to the vampire. "Spike?"
The vampire smirked. "It's not what you think, hunter."
That explanation fell on deaf ears; Dean was studying the girl next to him. "Buffy, look at me." The girl did as she was told and Dean's eyes narrowed. Something was very off with Buffy. "You have some dirt on your face," he said as he rubbed his thumb over her cheek, his mouth falling open as he did. "You're - you're a - holy crap. You made a sex doll out of ….." Dean spun in rage towards Spike only to find the vampire running away. "You better run you bastard!"
"Oh, no!" Buffy-bot whined. "Where's my lover going? I need him."
Dean dragged a weary hand over his face and sighed. "Um, why don't you let me make a call? I'll find out where he went and take you to him."
The bot beamed at him. "Oh, thank you. I don't know what I would do without Spike."
12~12~12
At the magic shop a half hour later, Willow had found how to switch off the Buffy-bot, but Dean was far from done being angry. "This is why we need to dust Spike," he said pointing to the sex-bot.
"He obviously has an unhealthy attraction to you, Buff," Xander added as he examined the doll's hair.
"It's just like the doll Warren made. I bet he's the one who made this for Spike," Willow added as she walked around the inanimate Buffy-bot.
Buffy shuddered. "It looks exactly like me."
"No, it doesn't," Dean snapped. "The eye color is off, that mole is in the wrong spot and it talked like a complete airhead."
Buffy smiled at him before wrapping her arms around his neck. "And that is why I love you," she said as she leaned in to kiss him. Dean was a little stunned by her sudden public display, but didn't pull away.
"It could prove to be useful," Giles said as he brought over a box large enough to store the robot.
Dean was beyond shocked at the watcher's comment. "Dude, no. If anyone deserves a Buffy sex-toy, it's me."
Buffy raised a brow. Currently amused by her boyfriend, she waited for him to put his foot in his mouth. Dean saw her look and knew he had to think fast. "Because I'm gone so much." Her look challenged him to continue. Dean ignored Xander's quiet, "Dean," warning and went on. "It could stay here in Sunnydale, while you drive off with me," he finished with a smile.
"Nice save," Buffy smirked and put her arms back around him.
"That's not such a bad idea," Giles mumbled. "Willow, can this thing be re-programmed?"
Willow shrugged."I don't know, but I guess I could try."
"Either way, I'm killing Spike," Dean said with a finality that Buffy knew not to argue.
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
"I am not the patient creature your poets and story tellers make me out to be. In fact, my patience is wearing thin." The man in black raised a brow at the hunter's lack of attention. "I am owed a soul. Let me remind you, your son is living on borrowed time. However, it was your deal that caused harm to my reaper."
John kept his face turned towards the door. He had always demanded so much from Dean and his son had never let him down. John felt he could finally pay his debt. With a deep breath, he faced the other man. "What brought Dean back? The deal I made or the spell the witch preformed."
The man studied John in curiosity, what could it possibly matter which brought his son back? "Not that it matters, but my reaper is responsible for your son's return. The witch's spell only healed him."
John nodded. "Thank you." He took a final look around, placed the Colt and his journal in his coat. "If you're willing to accept my soul for his, I'm ready."
The man nodded curtly. "Very well, follow me."
Sunnydale May 2001
Dean checked his watch. He should have just enough time to pick up the ring and get back to Buffy's house without her knowing a thing. He almost wanted to leave the Impala running to insure a quick get away.
The clerk at Prittchard's jewelry counter looked intrigued when Dean approached. Guys that looked like him, didn't shop for jewelry; guys like him used shopping as an excuse to get her number. Angela was very pleased that she had decided to pick up an extra shift, and even more pleased that her blouse showed just the right amount of cleavage to keep him interested. "Hi, can I help you?" she asked in her most velvety voice.
Dean grinned. "Yes, you can. I'm here to pick up a ring. It was being re-sized."
Angela batted her lashes. "Of course. Name?"
"Winchester."
"I'll be right back Mr. Winchester." Angela sashayed to the back room, returning a moment later with a small box. With a bright smile, she said, "Here it is, Mr. Winchester." Then she opened the box for Dean to examine the ring. "That's a beautiful ring. You have one very lucky girl."
"Thanks, but I'm the lucky one."
"Aw," Angela gushed, "that's so sweet. I wish more guys were like you."
"Uh, yeah, well, if you could just wrap that up, I'll be on my way."
"Of course. Do you have your receipt?"
"Sure." Dean padded his jean pockets, then rifled through his jacket pockets, then flipped through his wallet - no receipt. "Uh, okay, I seemed to have forgotten the receipt."
Angela returned the ring to the box and placed the box in the locking cabinet under the register. "I'm sorry," she said sounding truly disappointed. "I can't give you the ring without the receipt. Store policy."
Dean momentarily panicked. "You don't understand. I have to get that ring tonight."
Angela shrugged. "Sorry. There's nothing I can do."
Dean took a moment to think, then gave Angela his most charming smile. "Angela, you've got to help me. This is supposed to be a surprise for my girlfriend. This is my only night off this week." It wasn't a lie, Dean told himself, sneaking away from Buffy and the others was nearly impossible.
"Sorry," Angela gave him a flirty pout, "I could get in big trouble if I don't have the receipt to turn in. What if you're not really the guy who ordered the ring? If some other guy comes in claiming the ring is his, I could lose my job."
"I wouldn't want that to happen," Dean said as he ratcheted up his smile and leaned on the counter. "I could really make it worth your while if you bend the rules this one time."
"Well, I don't know," Angela bit her lip in thought. "I'll go ask my manager."
"You do that, sweetheart. I'll wait right here." Dean watched her walk away before checking to see if security cameras would catch him getting into that cabinet.
12~12~12
Having just paid for new tan pants to replace the ones Dawn spilled coffee on that morning, Buffy was surprised to see Dean at the store. He had told her he would patrol by the warehouse district. She watched in jealous anger as Angela gave Dean her 'flirty' pout and she watched as Dean smiled and checked out Angela as the girl walked away.
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Sam Winchester was just returning to the floor from his call with Bobby when he saw the medical team rush into his father's room. "Dad!"
Hearing his brother's shout, Dean rushed into the hall to follow Sam to their father's room. The brothers were immediately shoved aside as medical personnel rushed to John's aid.
Sunnydale May 2001
Buffy tossed another of Dean's shirts towards the duffel bag on the floor of her room. "That bastard! He's lucky I've got Glory to deal with or I would tear him apart."
"Buffy, I'm sure it's not what you think," Willow said in a feeble attempt at calming her friend.
"Ha! It is exactly what I think! It's always exactly what I think when Dean lies. He's an irresponsible lying jackass."
"Buffy, you don't know what he was doing there."
"Oh, I know," Buffy retorted. "I didn't need to stick around and see it with my own eyes, but I know. I have seen that look before." She glanced around her room for anything else that belonged to Dean. She carelessly stuffed his belongings in the bag and dragged it down the stairs. She opened her front door and tossed the bag onto her porch, slamming the door behind her.
Dawn cautiously approached her. "Buffy, don't you think you should give him a chance to explain?"
Buffy spun on her heel and glared at her sister for a minute. The longer she stood there, the more she felt like crying. But, then she heard the Impala's engine. Getting her emotions under control, Buffy said, "Dawn, don't let him in. Just tell him to go." Dawn was about to protest but Buffy pleaded, "Please, Dawn, I can't face him right now."
Buffy went to her room, telling herself she wasn't hiding, she was simply avoiding, when she heard Dean's "What the hell?" from the front porch. Dean tried the knob and found it locked. "Buffy?" he asked as he pounded on the door.
"She doesn't want to see you," Dawn replied from the other side.
"Dawn, what the hell is going on? Why is my stuff out here? Is she kicking me out?"
"Give the boy a prize," Willow said dryly.
"Why? What happened?" Dean shouted as he backed off the porch to see if Buffy's bedroom light was on.
Willow spoke through the door, "She saw you, Dean, and she's not in the mood for more lies."
Dean's eye's widened. "What do you mean 'saw me'? Saw me where?"
"Does it matter?" Willow asked as Dawn answered, "Downtown."
Dean cursed quietly. He picked up his duffel bag and left.
Buffy listened from her room as the Impala drove away. Willow knocked at her door, "Buffy?"
"I'm okay, Willow, I just want to be alone."
12~12~12
Buffy wasn't alone for long. Dean climbed through her window a moment later only to have to dodge everything Buffy could throw at him. "Buffy, let me explain..."
"Explain? You mean lie."
"No. I will tell you the God's honest truth, I swear, then if you want me to, I will leave. Just give me five minutes."
Buffy stood poised with her clock ready to throw. She looked at her clock. "Two minutes."
Dean took a deep breath. "Dawn said you saw me downtown, so you must have seen me at Prittchard's." At Buffy's expression, Dean knew he was right. "Okay, so if you saw me at Prittchard's, you probably saw me with Angela."
"I so don't need to know her name," Buffy said with a glare.
Dean held his hands up and backed toward the window thinking he was going to have to spoil everything. "Did you go through my stuff when you tossed it out?"
He was worried about his privacy? That's some nerve, Buffy thought. "No, jerkface. I really didn't want to know what I'd find."
Dean nearly smiled, she hadn't found out about the ring. "If you would have, you would have found a receipt from Prittchard's. The receipt I didn't have which made me have to sweet talk Angela to let me pick up something they were fixing for me."
"Sweet talking the sales girl? Is that what you're calling it?"
"Look, I know I lied to you about where I was going and what I was doing, but it's hard to keep a secret around here." He sighed and bowed his head and for a moment Buffy thought he looked truly sorry. He looked up and asked, "What did you think I was doing?"
Buffy closed her eyes to gather her strength. "Dean, it doesn't matter. I don't have time for this. I can't work things out with you right now. I've got to take care of Dawn, now."
"Did something happen with Dawn?" he asked urgently.
"Yes, her school called. I had to meet with the principal. Dawn's been skipping class, forging my signature, she's close to failing some subjects, and the principal threatened to turn our case over to Social Services."
Dean's mouth fell open for a second. He hadn't thought Dawn's trouble making was too bad, but he knew from experience that getting Social Services called was a big deal. "I, I'm sorry. I didn't know, you never told me."
"Well, I'm telling you now. I can't deal with two irresponsible children. I've got to focus on Dawn. I've got to protect her from Glory, from everything."
"Hey, I'm not that irresponsible. I'm not the bad guy here. I was only -"
"Right, of course not," Buffy huffed in sarcasm. "You're not a good influence on her, that's for sure. All your stories just encourage her to skip school. You aren't where you say you are when you say you're going to be there." She glared at Dean for a moment. "I can't worry about whether you're happy right now. I can't worry that I'm not the perfect girl for you. I just can't. I've got too much going on. I've got to raise Dawn and keep her safe. I've got Glory closing in and no way to stop her. I need you to leave."
Dean felt like he'd been punched in the gut; all the air was sucked from the room. He stood there dumbly, unable to think of a way to make Buffy see she needed him or how much he needed her. Everything was spinning out of control. He nodded mutely, not able to trust his voice, and did as she asked.
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Buffy entered the room nearly silently and found Dean standing at his bedside looking at a book. He was alive and looked okay and Buffy thought her heart was going to explode she was so happy. "Hey," she whispered not wanting to disturb this dream.
Dean looked up, his face a mask of bitterness. "What are you doing here?"
His tone made Buffy stutter. "I, I wanted to see if you were really okay."
"Okay? Since when do you care?" Dean raised and incredulous brow. "You know, I didn't ask for any of you to be here. I didn't ask you to pay my bills or get me a specialist. I don't want anything from you." He dismissed her by returning to the journal that lay open of the table before him.
"I know you don't," she said calmly. "I, when the hospital called Dawn, she said she was flying out. I just had to come. I had to know you were going to be all right."
The only response Dean gave her was a cold stare. He knew he had hurt her, had let her down, but that paled to how broken he felt. His anger was pouring off him in ceaseless waves. "I changed my mind. I do want something. I want you to leave."
"Dean.."
"Now. Please. Leave."
Buffy's only response was to stutter. "D-Dean."
"Get out!" he growled.
Suddenly, the floor nurse was there, taking Buffy's arm and directing her out. "Miss, please, I can't have you disturbing my patient."
Buffy looked from the nurse to Dean and back and mumbled "sorry," as she followed the nurse from the room
In the hall, the nurse placed a comforting hand on Buffy's back. "Look, people deal with grief in different ways. The boy just lost his father. I'm sure when he's had some time, he'll be willing to let you visit."
chapter 13