Could Have Had it All ch 13 BtVS/Spn
Title: Could Have Had It All Bvts/Spn chapter 13
Author: Noturbaby
Fandoms: Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG-13 - R
Warnings: None
Pairings: Dean /Buffy, Sam/Dawn, Willow/Oz, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya Most BtVS characters make an appearance.
Summary:
Set in episode 2.1 of Supernatural, In My Time of Dying, but containing flashbacks to seasons 4 and 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Now Dean is in a coma and not aware that Buffy was brought back from the dead.
Buffy and Dean met in High School and fell in love. College, a curse, Dawn, and Buffy's death and John Winchester challenge their love.
Master post
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Dawn went to find Sam as soon as Buffy told her John had died. She found him in the lobby talking to Bobby Singer.
"Don't worry, Sam," Bobby said quietly, "I'll take care of everything."
"Sam?"
Sam turned to Dawn and began to lose the battle to keep his tears from falling.
Dawn hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Sam."
Bobby gave Sam a small pat on the shoulder and left Dawn to comfort the boy.
Somehow, Dawn was able to hold Sam as he crumbled in her embrace. They sat in the hospital's uncomfortable lobby chairs and Dawn listened while Sam told her what happened.
13~13~13~13
Buffy stood in the bright sun of the parking lot and placed a call to Willow.
"Kill it."
"What?" Willow asked.
"Call Faith. See if she can meet you with the scythe and kill that thing before it does anymore damage."
"Buffy, what happened?"
"John is dead."
"Oh god, Buffy. What happened?"
"I don't know. He was fine and then he was gone. It looks like the demon was able to enforce the deal."
"How's Dean?"
"He's alive and angry." Buffy didn't want to think about how the look on Dean's face tugged at her heart. "Willow, all I can do for them now is kill the thing that did this to their family."
"But, Buffy, if the demon was able to take John's soul to hell, it might be the only thing that can get him out again," Willow suggested though she had really like the idea of destroying Azazel.
Buffy groaned. "Fine. It lives. For now. We'll make it tell us about John's soul, then we'll kill it."
13~13~13~13
Bobby went to John's room to gather the man's belongings. When he tucked John's journal under his arm, he discovered the Colt laying beneath it. As Bobby was about to put the revered weapon in his back waist band a throat was cleared behind him.
"Sorry, but I believe that belongs to my father," a nurse said.
Bobby turned with the weapon ready to shoot, but the possessed nurse was faster. The gun was torn from his grip and Bobby was tossed across the room. The nurse disappeared as quickly as she had arrived.
"Balls," muttered the grizzled hunter as he pushed himself up. He gathered the journal thinking that at least he had that to give to the boys.
Sunnydale May 2001
The day after Buffy kicked Dean out of her house, Willow tried to explain the fight to Tara. "Buffy caught him in a lie. He was downtown, flirting with a girl at a department store."
Tara shook her head. "That's so hard to believe."
Willow looked incredulous. "You don't know Dean."
Tara was stung by Willow's words. She may not have known them as long, but she felt she knew Buffy and Dean pretty well. "I just meant I know he loves her."
"Not enough to not cheat."
"Are you sure he was cheating?"
"This isn't the first time he's lied to Buffy or been caught with another girl."
Tara nodded weakly. "Did anyone ask him why he was there or why he lied?"
"You're not seriously taking his side in this, are you? Don't you think Buffy has enough to deal with without wondering if her friends are going to betray her like her boyfriend did?"
Tara gasped at Willow's accusation. "I'm trying not to take sides. I just don't want to see anyone hurt."
Willow sighed. She didn't want to fight. She looked around the quad and found Dean reading fliers on a bulletin board. "Well, there he is. Why don't we ask him what he was doing?" She marched over to him with Tara in tow.
Dean cringed when he saw them, but didn't leave in case they had news about Glory or Dawn. "You guys here to turn me into a toad or something?"
Willow appeared to be considering it, but Tara shook her head and answered, "No. But I do want to know why Buffy thinks you cheated on her."
Dean looked like he was about to be sick. He turned to Willow. "She thinks I cheated on her?"
Willow shrugged. Truthfully, no one knew what Buffy thought as she locked herself in her room and hadn't spoken to them since last night.
Dean sighed. "It doesn't matter, if it's what she believes. She doesn't trust me. She thinks I'm irresponsible."
Tara touched his arm. "Tell us what happened."
"I guess Buffy saw me flirting with a sales girl. But, I was only trying to pick up something I had there, and I didn't have the receipt." He shrugged. "I thought I could sweet talk my way into getting the girl to bend the rules for me." He gave them a weak half smile. "I'm only staying in town to help with Glory. I'm not leaving even if Buffy wants me to."
"I know we could use your help with Glory. What are you doing on campus? Looking for Buffy?" Willow said finally feeling some empathy for him.
"No, I was looking for cheap housing," he said indicating the board. "I figured a couple landlords around campus might be getting desperate." He pretended to look at a paper in his hand. "I don't suppose you two could put a spell on me so I don't feel - ," he saw their disapproving looks, "Right, I didn't think so. I'll just get going."
As he walked off, Tara and Willow exchanged looks. "He certainly seems sorry, and depressed," Tara said.
Willow nodded. "And like he was telling the truth." She turned to Tara. "Wait here, I'll be right back." She raced after Dean. "Dean!" When she caught up with him she asked, "What were you buying at Prittchard's?"
"I wasn't buying anything. I was picking up something I needed fixed." Willow was clearly waiting for more. "It was nothing, Willow. I guess, I should be glad this happened so I didn't make a complete fool of myself. Again." He studied Willow for a second. "I love her, Willow. I didn't cheat on her, I couldn't. I didn't realize she thought I was bad for Dawn."
"Buffy didn't really mean that. She's under a lot of stress. She's even dropping out of school," Willow said quietly.
"She shouldn't do that." He felt guilty. He should have been more helpful with Dawn. He gave her a pained smile. "You be good to Tara," he said looking in the other girl's direction. His features changed instantly. "No! Get away from her!" he yelled as he practically shoved Willow and raced towards Tara.
In shock, Willow turned to follow him and saw Glory torturing Tara. Glory laughed as Dean approached and effortlessly flung him into a tree. Willow quaked with fear and rage, but began to chant, "By force of heart and mindful power, by waning time and waxing hour, I echo Diana, when I decree That she I love must now be free!" Glory released Tara and disappeared. Willow ran to her girlfriend. "Tara?"
Dean pushed himself up and joined Willow. "Tara?" When neither of them got a response, Dean gingerly lifted Tara from the bench. "Let's get her to the hospital."
13~13~13~13
As the doctor left Tara's room, Buffy arrived with Dawn, Xander, and Giles following. "Willow, I am so sorry," Buffy said as she hugged her best friend. "I can stay as long as you need me. Xander said he and Anya can look after Dawn."
"I'm so scared," Willow whispered as Buffy hugged her.
From his chair in the far corner, Dean watched Buffy. He wished he could leave without her noticing, but he knew that was impossible. Especially when Dawn said, "Dean? What are you doing here?"
The hunter shrunk. "I was just leaving," he replied quietly avoiding eye contact with all of them.
Willow stepped forward and hugged him. "Thank you, Dean. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there."
Dean stiffened under the attention and pushed away. "Let me know if there's anything I can do." He squeezed Willow's hand and left the room, but he took a seat down the hall. He wasn't going to stop watching over Tara or Dawn, and it didn't matter what Buffy said.
He waited until Tara had been admitted for the night before he cautiously approached Buffy. "Uh, I can give you and Dawn a ride home if you want." He looked around. "Where's Willow?"
Buffy couldn't believe Dean was still there let alone willing to chauffeur them home. "Willow went for coffee. She was looking to go all payback on Glory, but I talked her down."
Dean looked down the hall and nodded but then his expression turned skeptical. "Okay, so then where is she?" Buffy shrugged but began to see what Dean was thinking.
"She wouldn't go after Glory alone. I told her it wasn't safe. It'd be suicide."
"I would. I'd do it in a heartbeat if it was you or Dawn or Sam," Dean said plainly. "I'd have been long gone. And I wouldn't care what Glory did to me, I'd take her on anyway."
Buffy's eyes became huge as she listened to Dean. "Take care of Dawn for me."
"Always," Dean answered as Buffy ran to find Willow and Glory.
13~13~13~13
Dawn scowled at Dean the entire ride to her house. Once inside, Dean tried to ease the tension. "I suppose you going to try to talk me into letting you stay up to watch the late movie or something."
"What really happened between you and Buffy? I thought you said you loved her and that you belonged together."
Dean sighed, "Well, what I want and what your sister wants are two different things."
"Yeah, you want a sales chick at Prittchard's."
"No, I don't." He collapsed into a chair too depressed to defend himself.
Dawn took a seat on the couch. "Can I still be friends with Sam if you and Buffy aren't together?"
"Of course you can," Dean replied swallowing a lump in his throat. "Sam's probably going to hate me, too."
"Good." Dawn nodded. After a minute she added, "I mean good that Sam and I can still be friends, not that he'd hate you."
Dean nodded a little. "Gotcha. What about you? You hate me, too?"
"Yeah, I don't know, but I've got to take Buffy's side in this. She is my sister." Dawn paused as she thought and a frown formed. "She's not really my sister though, is she. I mean, I'm not real so she's not really my family, so I guess it doesn't matter which side I take."
"Dawn, don't say that. You know that's not true."
"It is true. And you know what else is true? I'm the reason for all these bad things that have happened. I'm the reason you and Buffy fought. I'm the reason Tara is in the hospital."
"No, you're not Dawn. How can you even think that?"
"I got in trouble in school and Buffy had to meet with the principal. Buffy was really mad for the the rest of the day. She was angry with me, but she took it out on you."
"Dawn, -"
"It's true," Dawn continued, but she was about to lose the battle to tears. "And Glory thought Tara was the key, but I'm the key, and now Willow is going to get herself killed going after Glory alone. I must be something horrible, something evil. Everyone around me suffers and dies."
Dean sat next to her on the couch, put his arm around her, and pulled her into a hug. "Dawn, none of this is your fault. Not Glory, not Tara and certainly not me and your sister." Dawn's tear filled eyes met his. "Glory is a nut-job of a demon. Willow is one powerful pissed off witch. I wouldn't want to be in Glory's shoes when Willow catches up with her. When she does, your sister will be there to help Willow and see that nothing happens to her." Dean rubbed her arm as he held her. "As far as me and your sister, that's all on me."
Dawn didn't look reassured and Dean didn't know what he could say or do to make her feel better. Struck with a sudden idea, Dean pushed up his sleeve. "This right here is proof," he said pointing to a scar. "Remember how I got that?"
"My ice skate?" Dawn answered quietly. "I twisted my ankle and you carried me."
"Exactly. How could I have a scar from when you were a little kid if you were never a little kid? You're real." He saw Dawn's near smile and decided to push it. "Real weird, but real."
"Hey!" Dawn pushed away from him, but kept smiling.
"Hey yourself. You should be getting up to bed. It's late and you have school in the morning."
"Are you going to stay?"
"Of course. I'm not leaving until Buffy comes home."
"I meant, are you going to stay after she comes home."
"I'm staying in Sunnydale until this is all over and I know that you're safe."
"Are you going to work things out with Buffy?"
Dean tried to smile for a moment but then remembered how Buffy believed he was a bad influence on Dawn. There was no way she'd take him back if it meant she might lose her sister. "It's complicated."
"Willow told me 'complicated' doesn't mean it's not worth it."
Dean leaned forward on the couch. "I love your sister more than anything. I was going to..." he stopped himself before he told Dawn about his plan to propose to her sister. "Unfortunately, Buffy doesn't feel the same." He began to play with his keys, wishing he could leave before seeing Buffy again. "We broke up."
Dawn smirked a little. "Maybe you should tell her what you were doing at Prittchard's." Dean looked up at her with surprise. "The jewelry department called earlier and left a message. They said if you don't have the receipt this time you can show photo ID and they'll give it to you." Dawn grinned widely at the shock on Dean's face.
Dean, though, felt like the world had turned upside down and there was a thousand pound weight on his chest. "Dawn," his voice sounded strained, "don't say anything to Buffy, okay?"
Dawn grinned. "I won't, but what did you get her? Is it a ring?" She was nearly bouncing with joy.
"Well, we have to deal with Glory first. Maybe Buffy and I can work things out when Glory's dead." Dean didn't believe what he was saying. He knew that if Buffy still didn't trust him, there wasn't much he could do to change her mind.
13~13~13~13
An hour later, Buffy came home with an exhausted Willow at her side. Relief washed over Dean as he helped Buffy get Willow up the stairs to her room. When Dean left the girls alone, Willow took Buffy's hand. "He's still here. He's trying. You should give him a chance to explain."
Buffy nodded. "Do you need anything?"
"No. Go get him before he leaves. Make up. Forgive him for whatever it is 'cause believe me, he loves you."
Buffy gave Willow a tired half smile and left.
Buffy gave herself a minute to get her emotions in check. She felt so overwhelmed. She didn't want to let her guard down and let Dean know she didn't know what she was doing. She felt like she was being forced to be Dawn's parent. She had to meet with school officials and Social Services and at the same time face off with a hell-god. She leaned against the wall and took a few deep breaths. All she wanted to do was curl up in Dean's arms, pretend none of that mattered, and let Dean tell her everything was going to be okay.
Dean tugged on his coat while he debated whether or not he should leave. Buffy hadn't said anything to him, she barely even looked at him. Finding the ring box in his pocket when he reached for his car keys was the reminder he needed. Buffy had made her feelings perfectly clear; she didn't want him.
Buffy entered the living room in time to hear the Impala drive away.
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Dean was dressed and waiting for Sam and Bobby to take him back to Bobby's when Dawn tentatively entered his room. "Hi, Dean."
"Hey, Dawn." Dean let a small relaxed smile fall on his face.
She rushed forward and hugged him before he could deny her one. "It's so good to see you up and around."
"Thanks," he said stiffly, stepping out of her embrace. He gave her another quick smile before busying himself with looking anywhere but at her. "Sorry you came all the way out here. They shouldn't have called you."
"Hey, I have always wanted to see South Dakota in the spring and seeing you and Sam, that's just frosting."
Dean nodded at her small joke. "Still, Dawn, you didn't have to..."
"Right," she added with a knowing look, "Like you wouldn't have raced to my bedside if the situation was reversed." Dean shrugged making Dawn smirk. "Exactly, you would have broken driving records if needed."
She sat on his bed. "I'm sorry about your dad. I know how close the two of you were."
Dean responded with a small nod and mumbled, "Thanks."
"I would have told you about Buffy, you know that, right?"
Dean shrugged. "There was a spell or something."
"Yeah, had I known she was going to do that, I would have called the moment I saw her. But that first night, I was so worried about her and so freaked out, I didn't leave her side."
"It's okay, Dawn. It didn't fall on you to tell me."
"She's sorry, you know."
"Dawn..."
"She is and she's never really loved anyone since -"
"Dawn, I can't, I can't talk about her." He took a deep breath. "Tell me about you and everything you've been up to. Tell me about the guys you have chasing after you now that you're all grown up. Are any of them good enough for you? Or does Sammy still have a shot with you? Don't tell me you've finally gotten over that crush on the lesser of the Winchesters?" Dean teased, hoping Dawn would drop the subject of her sister.
"Lesser?" Dawn shot back even though she blushed. "Have you seen your brother? He's huge."
Dean nearly smiled at her blush. "Well, the kid's taller, but he's still mostly a dork. Now, he's just a tall dork."
"Well, there's nothing he can do about that. That's something that runs in the family."
Dean chuckled, "You're funny."
"Yeah, I'm adorable." Dawn felt a true sense of accomplishment when Dean laughed again.
Sunnydale 2001
The Scooby gang spent the day planning. Everyone had their role to play, including Spike's sexbot. Just when their confidence was at it's highest, everything fell apart. Dawn was taken right in front of Buffy, Giles and Xander.
The plan was tossed.
Xander decided to risk Buffy's wrath and placed a call to Dean. When the hunter answered, Xander said, "Glory has Dawn."
"Where?"
"We don't know."
"Where's Buffy?"
"We're at the Magic Shop."
"I'll be there in five minutes."
When Dean walked in, Buffy didn't hide her surprise. "What are you doing here?"
Dean looked at the others. "I was hoping you'd let me help."
Giles let out a tiny relieved smile. "We could use all the help we can get."
The Scoobies started a new plan.
When they were alone, Dean turned to Buffy and quietly said, "Thanks for letting me stay." He continued, but found it difficult to look at her, "I know you don't want me here, but I'd do anything to save Dawn."
Buffy blinked in shock, but before she could try to reassure him, Xander asked Giles, "What happens if Glory is able to open the portal?"
"The walls between the dimensions break down. It stops, the energy's used up, the walls come back up. Glory uses that time to get back into her own dimension, not caring that all manner of hell will be unleashed on earth in the meantime," Giles answered knowing Buffy would hate hearing it again.
"Um, but only for a little while, right? The walls come back up, uh, n-no more hell?" Anya asked.
Willow nodded. "That's only if the energy is stopped. And now the key is human, is Dawn," She began.
Giles took over and read from a book. "'The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more.' When Dawn is dead."
Dean put his hand on Buffy's arm. "That's not an option." He stood before Buffy and looked her square in the eye. "I will not let Dawn die. We will stop this."
Buffy nodded, taking strength in his confidence. "Pretty simple math here. We stop Glory before she can start the ritual. We still have a couple of hours, right?"
The watcher nodded his head. "If my calculations are right. But Buffy-"
"I don't wanna hear it." Buffy turned away.
" I understand that-"
Buffy whirled back to face him. "No! No, you don't understand. we are not talking about this."
Giles jumped to his feet and yelled, "Yes, we bloody well are!"
Everyone was startled by Giles outburst. When he spoke again, it was much quieter. "If Glory begins the ritual ... if we can't stop her..."
Dean stepped between Buffy and Giles, facing the older man. "Don't say what I think you're going to say. Don't even think about touching Dawn."
Buffy was belligerent. She moved to stand next to Dean. "Come on, Giles. Say it. We're bloody well talking about this. Tell me to kill my sister."
Seeing the determination in their eyes, Giles backed down. "If the ritual starts, then every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death. Including Dawn."
Buffy stood firm. "Then the last thing she'll see is me protecting her."
Giles shook his head, "You'll fail. You'll die. We all will."
Buffy looked at her friends, "I'm sorry. I love you all ... but I'm sorry."
Dean put his hands on her shoulders again, and forced her to meet his eyes. "The only ones dying tonight are Glory and her freaky minions."
Buffy found the strength she needed in his eyes and nodded. "You'll protect her. You'll take care of Dawn for me."
"Yeah, always."
Buffy gave the slightest sigh of relief at Dean's answer. Amazed that after everything, Dean was still by her side, she felt she needed an answer before she faced Glory. "Do you still love me?" she asked
"Yeah. Of course I do," he said quietly, stunned that she felt she had to ask. He hoped it didn't mean that he'd lost her.
Suddenly, Tara yelled, "I have places to be!" and their new plan went into action.
Singer Salvage 2004
Dean looked at what was left of his car and wanted to feel something, anything, but all he felt was an empty ache, like he was missing a limb. He could fix the car, he would fix the car, but he felt he, himself, was beyond repair. He had to be strong for Sam. He had to watch out for him, it was the last promise he made to his father.
He was well aware it was useless to be angry with a dead man, but Dean didn't know how to forgive his dad. Just as he was coming to terms with his father's decision to keep Buffy from him, he'd remember his dad telling him he may need to kill Sam. It was too much and it was tearing him apart.
Sam cautiously kept constant watch of him and that, too, put Dean on edge.
Bobby watched him, too. He understood why Dean would want to work on the car. It was the one thing in his life Dean had control over. "I fixed the frame. And, whatever I didn't have in stock, I ordered."
"Thanks, Bobby."
They stood silently staring at the wreckage. "You can have all the time you need to work on her. It's not like there's a high demand for the space."
"Thanks, Bobby."
Bobby stood next to Dean for another minute before clapping a hand on the boy's shoulder. "I'll be here if you need me." He waited for the automatic reply to come again, but Dean said nothing.
The moment Bobby took a step, Dean said, "He made a deal, didn't he."
Bobby thought a moment. "That's what it looks like," he quietly agreed.
"Should have let me die."
Bobby was stunned. "Dean, your father was never going to let that happen, not if he could do something about it."
"Why? Why would he do that? He could have ended things with the demon. We were so close."
"Your father had a bigger score to settle." Dean looked confused. "He owed you more than he could pay, Dean."
"It's not fair. It was my time to go."
"Dean," Bobby kept his voice quiet, "you know as well as anyone that life's never fair. But, your daddy thought he could even things up a bit if he took your place."
"He was wrong, Bobby."
Sunnydale 2001
As they got into position by the rickety tower the minions had built, Buffy needed more reassurance. She grabbed Dean's arm. "I need you to promise me you'll take care of Dawn, get her out of here as soon as you can."
Dean glanced at Buffy. "You know I will." Buffy nodded and settled into her mind to prepare. Then Dean grasped another meaning to her request and placed a hand on her shoulder to make her face him. "Buffy, don't even go in there thinking you're not coming back out." Buffy nodded, but Dean didn't think she believed it. "Babe, you're coming back to me. You hear me?"
Buffy looked at him, letting the danger of the moment fade into the back ground. "I do love you, Dean. And I'm sorry about -"
Dean's expression brightened at her words. She still loved him, that was all he needed to hear. "We'll have plenty of time to make up, Princess. Go kick some Glory ass, now."
Buffy gave him a small relieved smile, then hugged him. She relished that moment in his arms and repeated, "I love you."
Dean let her warmth seep into him. "I love you, too, Buffy, I always will," he whispered into her ear. He released her and with a cocky grin added, "Now, go kick it in the ass."
13~13~13~13
Dean felt impotent without his gun, but too many of Glory's minions were humans like Tara and would be returned to their rightful state with Willow's spell. He shouldn't risk shooting one of them.
Dean, Xander, and Spike fought Glory's evil minions until Willow's voice rang in their heads. "Someone is on the tower with Dawn! Get up there!"
Spike and Dean exchanged looks. "Go, Spike! You're faster! Go! I'll have your back," Dean commanded and the two of them shoved past the others and made their way to the tower.
Spike climbed the tower while Dean fought off all comers. Just when Dean thought he couldn't raise his arms again, Spike was thrown from the tower.
Dean rushed to Spike's aid, offered his hand, and pulled Spike to his feet. They each turned to the platform. Something was wrong. Dean knew Glory was dead, he saw Giles take care of 'Ben'. But, someone else had gotten to Dawn, a portal had been opened.
Buffy said goodbye to Dawn and sprang from the platform. Dean raced forward, but wasn't in time to save her. He fell to her as she lay on the stack of pallets. "Buffy? Baby?" He lifted her lifeless form, cradling her to his chest. "No," he whispered. He brushed back her hair and stared at her lifeless features.
Above them, the portal closed.
For a long time no one approached them save Giles. He knelt down next to Dean, placed a hand on his shoulder, though he knew there was no way to comfort the man. He sat silently with him for several minutes, then quietly he said, "Dean, you have to let her go." Dean shook his head and continued to rock slowly with Buffy in his arms. His will to live was over, his world was over.
"Dean, Dawn needs you. Go to her. We'll take care of Buffy."
At the mention of Dawn's name, Dean came to his senses. He gently lay Buffy in Giles' arms and stood. "Dawn!" His shout was thick. "Dawnie!" He finally spotted her by the tower steps. She was staring at her sister.
When Dean approached her, she cowered back, "Dean," she sobbed, "I'm so sorry."
Dean pulled her to him embracing her. "Sh, Dawnie. It's not your fault. Shh."
13~13~13~13
Over the next few days, Dean and Dawn were inseparable. Neither spoke much to anyone else, each was relieved that Giles took over most of the responsibilities. John and Sam arrived for the funeral, but neither seemed much comfort to Dean. The small chapel was filled with flowers, most of which were pink roses. They had come from around the country; Sioux Falls, Blue Earth, San Francisco, and Pittsburgh.
Before the small service, Dean escorted Dawn to Buffy's casket. He stepped back to allow her privacy to say her goodbyes. When Dean approached, he could barely look at Buffy. He knew she wasn't 'really there', but it was killing him to see her lifeless in a casket. He saw that she still wore the silver ring he had given her. He carefully slid the silver band from her finger and replaced it with the small engagement ring he never had the chance to give her.
After the service, John found Dean sitting on the Summers' back steps alone. He knew the pain his son was going through, having gone through it himself, but that didn't help him know how to comfort Dean.
Dean hadn't met his eyes once since he arrived in Sunnydale and John felt there was something missing in his son. Buffy's death had extinguished the light in his son's eyes.
John took a seat next to Dean on the porch. "Dean, I know you're hurting. You're hurting more than you ever have. But you can take that hurt and use it to get angry. Angry at what took Buffy from you and angry at what took your mother. Use that anger to be stronger, to help you in this fight."
Dean nodded, but he wasn't really listening. He just wanted his father to leave him alone.
After John left him, it wasn't long until Bobby joined him on the steps. "I'd ask how you're doin', but I can tell by looking at you." He sat next to Dean and gently laid a hand on the boy's back. "When Karen died, I wanted to punch every s.o.b. that said they were sorry."
They sat in silence for several minutes, Bobby's hand never leaving Dean's back. "Does it ever stop hurting?" Dean's voice was so quiet and pained, Bobby's heart broke for him.
"No. It hurts a little less with time, but it never stops."
Singer Salvage 2004
Dean had gone through his belongings that Sam had moved into their room but hadn't found what he was looking for. He pried open the trunk and found nothing there either. No more pictures, no more letters, no postcards, nothing to mark the time he had spent with Buffy. He looked at his key ring. He still had the small silver band he had given her years ago. It wasn't much, but it was all he had, so it would have to do.
He checked the calendar for the next new moon. Three days. It would give him just enough time to get the supplies he needed.
13~13~13~13
Bobby left Sam on the back porch watching Dean and answered the door. He didn't know who to expect, but it wasn't the slayer and her sister. "Uh, well, this is a surprise."
Buffy offered him a weak smile. "We're not staying, but we'd like to say good bye to Sam and Dean, if it's okay."
"Of course, come in." He stepped out of their way and called over his shoulder, "Sam, you've got company." He turned to Buffy, "Dean's out back working on the car."
Buffy nodded as Sam entered. "Hey, Sam, um, we're heading back to Cleveland tonight so we thought we'd stop by and say good bye first."
Sam nodded at her, knowing how difficult it must be for her to be there. He stepped up and hugged her. "Thank you, for everything. I'm going to miss you."
"You don't have to be such a stranger, either," Dawn said as Sam released her sister.
Sam smiled over the other emotions he was feeling and surrounded Dawn in a bear hug. "You're the one who shouldn't be a stranger, Dawn." He closed his eyes and rested his head on hers for a minute. I wish you would stay.
Dawn allowed herself to be swallowed in Sam's embrace. She held on and listened to his heart beat. There was nowhere else she wanted to be. Ask me to stay.
13~13~13~13
Buffy's heart was in her throat as she took in the damage to the Impala. Silently, she watched Dean work, too afraid to approach. He shouldn't be working like this, she thought, he's only just out of the hospital.
Dean straightened up and wiped a greasy hand on his shirt but didn't look at her. "You just gonna stand there or did you come here for something?"
His sudden question startled her. "We're going. Dawn and me, back to Cleveland," she stammered. Dean nodded then returned to working on the engine. She didn't know what kind of response she had been expecting, but it was more than that. "I'm sorry about your dad, about everything."
Without looking up, he answered, "Yeah."
Buffy looked around the yard then back to the Impala. How was he ever going to get her running again? She loved that car and she knew how much it meant to Dean. Unclasping her necklace, she made her way to his tool chest. "Here," she said putting the ring and chain down next to his tools. "You should use this to buy the parts you need to fix her."
Dean turned and watched her leave the ring. A knife sliced through his heart and all he managed to reply was a rough sounding, "Right," as he looked away.
Buffy saw the keys laying there and felt her heart clench. On the key ring was a silver band. Her silver band, the ring Dean had given her so long ago. Her hand seemed to move on its own as her fingers gently brushed over the key ring. She had been wrong, Dean had thought about her. He couldn't have forgotten her if he saw this ring every time he drove his car.
Buffy looked back and Dean and silently pleaded, 'Please look at me, let me know you're going to be okay'. She wanted to say 'goodbye', she wanted to say anything, but the words stuck in her throat. Before she started to cry in front of him, she headed back to the house.
The moment Buffy walked away, Dean stopped pretending to work and looked at the engagement ring laying on the black rubber mat of the tool chest. Anger raged inside him. He knew she no longer loved him, had never agreed to marry him, but returning the ring was rubbing salt in his wound.
Grabbing the crowbar leaning against the tool case, and with all the pain he'd been holding, Dean swung it into the window of a nearby wreck.
The sound of shattering glass had Buffy returning to the scene. By the sixth crash of the crowbar into the Impala's trunk, Buffy placed herself between Dean and his car. Her hand stopping the downward arc of his next swing. "Dean, stop," she pleaded barely above a whisper.
He dropped the iron bar and tried to pull away but Buffy's firm grip on his arms prevented him. So, instead he shoved forward and forced her against the car. "I don't want you here," he growled, his eyes flashing menacingly.
"I know. I don't care. I wanted to be here if you needed me." Buffy kept her voice soft, her head bowed, and she though hadn't let go of him, her hands gently traveled up and down his arms. When she heard Dean's shaky breath, Buffy looked into his eyes. For a moment, she could see the anguish inside him. She tenderly caressed his cheek and held his face in her hands.
Closing his eyes, Dean rested his forehead against hers. Buffy felt him tremble as her hands traveled to his shoulders.
Flashes of their spirit walk discussion materialized in Dean's mind. He heard her say how she hated him for leaving and for not being there for Dawn. He remembered her saying she felt empty and alone. He knew that feeling, he had felt the same way for three years. He backed away. He couldn't, he wouldn't let her do this again.
"Sorry you got dragged all the way out here. If it was up to me, you wouldn't have been bothered." His voice was barely above a whisper as his regret replaced the anger draining from him.
Buffy followed him. "Dean..." He met her eyes, but she saw nothing there, just an icy, pained stare.
"You should leave." He didn't wait for her reaction. Instead, he headed to the far side of the salvage yard.
*Much of the Scoobies' conversation during the planning session is taken from "The Gift"
Chapter 14
Author: Noturbaby
Fandoms: Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG-13 - R
Warnings: None
Pairings: Dean /Buffy, Sam/Dawn, Willow/Oz, Willow/Tara, Xander/Anya Most BtVS characters make an appearance.
Summary:
Set in episode 2.1 of Supernatural, In My Time of Dying, but containing flashbacks to seasons 4 and 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Now Dean is in a coma and not aware that Buffy was brought back from the dead.
Buffy and Dean met in High School and fell in love. College, a curse, Dawn, and Buffy's death and John Winchester challenge their love.
Master post
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Dawn went to find Sam as soon as Buffy told her John had died. She found him in the lobby talking to Bobby Singer.
"Don't worry, Sam," Bobby said quietly, "I'll take care of everything."
"Sam?"
Sam turned to Dawn and began to lose the battle to keep his tears from falling.
Dawn hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Sam."
Bobby gave Sam a small pat on the shoulder and left Dawn to comfort the boy.
Somehow, Dawn was able to hold Sam as he crumbled in her embrace. They sat in the hospital's uncomfortable lobby chairs and Dawn listened while Sam told her what happened.
13~13~13~13
Buffy stood in the bright sun of the parking lot and placed a call to Willow.
"Kill it."
"What?" Willow asked.
"Call Faith. See if she can meet you with the scythe and kill that thing before it does anymore damage."
"Buffy, what happened?"
"John is dead."
"Oh god, Buffy. What happened?"
"I don't know. He was fine and then he was gone. It looks like the demon was able to enforce the deal."
"How's Dean?"
"He's alive and angry." Buffy didn't want to think about how the look on Dean's face tugged at her heart. "Willow, all I can do for them now is kill the thing that did this to their family."
"But, Buffy, if the demon was able to take John's soul to hell, it might be the only thing that can get him out again," Willow suggested though she had really like the idea of destroying Azazel.
Buffy groaned. "Fine. It lives. For now. We'll make it tell us about John's soul, then we'll kill it."
13~13~13~13
Bobby went to John's room to gather the man's belongings. When he tucked John's journal under his arm, he discovered the Colt laying beneath it. As Bobby was about to put the revered weapon in his back waist band a throat was cleared behind him.
"Sorry, but I believe that belongs to my father," a nurse said.
Bobby turned with the weapon ready to shoot, but the possessed nurse was faster. The gun was torn from his grip and Bobby was tossed across the room. The nurse disappeared as quickly as she had arrived.
"Balls," muttered the grizzled hunter as he pushed himself up. He gathered the journal thinking that at least he had that to give to the boys.
Sunnydale May 2001
The day after Buffy kicked Dean out of her house, Willow tried to explain the fight to Tara. "Buffy caught him in a lie. He was downtown, flirting with a girl at a department store."
Tara shook her head. "That's so hard to believe."
Willow looked incredulous. "You don't know Dean."
Tara was stung by Willow's words. She may not have known them as long, but she felt she knew Buffy and Dean pretty well. "I just meant I know he loves her."
"Not enough to not cheat."
"Are you sure he was cheating?"
"This isn't the first time he's lied to Buffy or been caught with another girl."
Tara nodded weakly. "Did anyone ask him why he was there or why he lied?"
"You're not seriously taking his side in this, are you? Don't you think Buffy has enough to deal with without wondering if her friends are going to betray her like her boyfriend did?"
Tara gasped at Willow's accusation. "I'm trying not to take sides. I just don't want to see anyone hurt."
Willow sighed. She didn't want to fight. She looked around the quad and found Dean reading fliers on a bulletin board. "Well, there he is. Why don't we ask him what he was doing?" She marched over to him with Tara in tow.
Dean cringed when he saw them, but didn't leave in case they had news about Glory or Dawn. "You guys here to turn me into a toad or something?"
Willow appeared to be considering it, but Tara shook her head and answered, "No. But I do want to know why Buffy thinks you cheated on her."
Dean looked like he was about to be sick. He turned to Willow. "She thinks I cheated on her?"
Willow shrugged. Truthfully, no one knew what Buffy thought as she locked herself in her room and hadn't spoken to them since last night.
Dean sighed. "It doesn't matter, if it's what she believes. She doesn't trust me. She thinks I'm irresponsible."
Tara touched his arm. "Tell us what happened."
"I guess Buffy saw me flirting with a sales girl. But, I was only trying to pick up something I had there, and I didn't have the receipt." He shrugged. "I thought I could sweet talk my way into getting the girl to bend the rules for me." He gave them a weak half smile. "I'm only staying in town to help with Glory. I'm not leaving even if Buffy wants me to."
"I know we could use your help with Glory. What are you doing on campus? Looking for Buffy?" Willow said finally feeling some empathy for him.
"No, I was looking for cheap housing," he said indicating the board. "I figured a couple landlords around campus might be getting desperate." He pretended to look at a paper in his hand. "I don't suppose you two could put a spell on me so I don't feel - ," he saw their disapproving looks, "Right, I didn't think so. I'll just get going."
As he walked off, Tara and Willow exchanged looks. "He certainly seems sorry, and depressed," Tara said.
Willow nodded. "And like he was telling the truth." She turned to Tara. "Wait here, I'll be right back." She raced after Dean. "Dean!" When she caught up with him she asked, "What were you buying at Prittchard's?"
"I wasn't buying anything. I was picking up something I needed fixed." Willow was clearly waiting for more. "It was nothing, Willow. I guess, I should be glad this happened so I didn't make a complete fool of myself. Again." He studied Willow for a second. "I love her, Willow. I didn't cheat on her, I couldn't. I didn't realize she thought I was bad for Dawn."
"Buffy didn't really mean that. She's under a lot of stress. She's even dropping out of school," Willow said quietly.
"She shouldn't do that." He felt guilty. He should have been more helpful with Dawn. He gave her a pained smile. "You be good to Tara," he said looking in the other girl's direction. His features changed instantly. "No! Get away from her!" he yelled as he practically shoved Willow and raced towards Tara.
In shock, Willow turned to follow him and saw Glory torturing Tara. Glory laughed as Dean approached and effortlessly flung him into a tree. Willow quaked with fear and rage, but began to chant, "By force of heart and mindful power, by waning time and waxing hour, I echo Diana, when I decree That she I love must now be free!" Glory released Tara and disappeared. Willow ran to her girlfriend. "Tara?"
Dean pushed himself up and joined Willow. "Tara?" When neither of them got a response, Dean gingerly lifted Tara from the bench. "Let's get her to the hospital."
13~13~13~13
As the doctor left Tara's room, Buffy arrived with Dawn, Xander, and Giles following. "Willow, I am so sorry," Buffy said as she hugged her best friend. "I can stay as long as you need me. Xander said he and Anya can look after Dawn."
"I'm so scared," Willow whispered as Buffy hugged her.
From his chair in the far corner, Dean watched Buffy. He wished he could leave without her noticing, but he knew that was impossible. Especially when Dawn said, "Dean? What are you doing here?"
The hunter shrunk. "I was just leaving," he replied quietly avoiding eye contact with all of them.
Willow stepped forward and hugged him. "Thank you, Dean. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there."
Dean stiffened under the attention and pushed away. "Let me know if there's anything I can do." He squeezed Willow's hand and left the room, but he took a seat down the hall. He wasn't going to stop watching over Tara or Dawn, and it didn't matter what Buffy said.
He waited until Tara had been admitted for the night before he cautiously approached Buffy. "Uh, I can give you and Dawn a ride home if you want." He looked around. "Where's Willow?"
Buffy couldn't believe Dean was still there let alone willing to chauffeur them home. "Willow went for coffee. She was looking to go all payback on Glory, but I talked her down."
Dean looked down the hall and nodded but then his expression turned skeptical. "Okay, so then where is she?" Buffy shrugged but began to see what Dean was thinking.
"She wouldn't go after Glory alone. I told her it wasn't safe. It'd be suicide."
"I would. I'd do it in a heartbeat if it was you or Dawn or Sam," Dean said plainly. "I'd have been long gone. And I wouldn't care what Glory did to me, I'd take her on anyway."
Buffy's eyes became huge as she listened to Dean. "Take care of Dawn for me."
"Always," Dean answered as Buffy ran to find Willow and Glory.
13~13~13~13
Dawn scowled at Dean the entire ride to her house. Once inside, Dean tried to ease the tension. "I suppose you going to try to talk me into letting you stay up to watch the late movie or something."
"What really happened between you and Buffy? I thought you said you loved her and that you belonged together."
Dean sighed, "Well, what I want and what your sister wants are two different things."
"Yeah, you want a sales chick at Prittchard's."
"No, I don't." He collapsed into a chair too depressed to defend himself.
Dawn took a seat on the couch. "Can I still be friends with Sam if you and Buffy aren't together?"
"Of course you can," Dean replied swallowing a lump in his throat. "Sam's probably going to hate me, too."
"Good." Dawn nodded. After a minute she added, "I mean good that Sam and I can still be friends, not that he'd hate you."
Dean nodded a little. "Gotcha. What about you? You hate me, too?"
"Yeah, I don't know, but I've got to take Buffy's side in this. She is my sister." Dawn paused as she thought and a frown formed. "She's not really my sister though, is she. I mean, I'm not real so she's not really my family, so I guess it doesn't matter which side I take."
"Dawn, don't say that. You know that's not true."
"It is true. And you know what else is true? I'm the reason for all these bad things that have happened. I'm the reason you and Buffy fought. I'm the reason Tara is in the hospital."
"No, you're not Dawn. How can you even think that?"
"I got in trouble in school and Buffy had to meet with the principal. Buffy was really mad for the the rest of the day. She was angry with me, but she took it out on you."
"Dawn, -"
"It's true," Dawn continued, but she was about to lose the battle to tears. "And Glory thought Tara was the key, but I'm the key, and now Willow is going to get herself killed going after Glory alone. I must be something horrible, something evil. Everyone around me suffers and dies."
Dean sat next to her on the couch, put his arm around her, and pulled her into a hug. "Dawn, none of this is your fault. Not Glory, not Tara and certainly not me and your sister." Dawn's tear filled eyes met his. "Glory is a nut-job of a demon. Willow is one powerful pissed off witch. I wouldn't want to be in Glory's shoes when Willow catches up with her. When she does, your sister will be there to help Willow and see that nothing happens to her." Dean rubbed her arm as he held her. "As far as me and your sister, that's all on me."
Dawn didn't look reassured and Dean didn't know what he could say or do to make her feel better. Struck with a sudden idea, Dean pushed up his sleeve. "This right here is proof," he said pointing to a scar. "Remember how I got that?"
"My ice skate?" Dawn answered quietly. "I twisted my ankle and you carried me."
"Exactly. How could I have a scar from when you were a little kid if you were never a little kid? You're real." He saw Dawn's near smile and decided to push it. "Real weird, but real."
"Hey!" Dawn pushed away from him, but kept smiling.
"Hey yourself. You should be getting up to bed. It's late and you have school in the morning."
"Are you going to stay?"
"Of course. I'm not leaving until Buffy comes home."
"I meant, are you going to stay after she comes home."
"I'm staying in Sunnydale until this is all over and I know that you're safe."
"Are you going to work things out with Buffy?"
Dean tried to smile for a moment but then remembered how Buffy believed he was a bad influence on Dawn. There was no way she'd take him back if it meant she might lose her sister. "It's complicated."
"Willow told me 'complicated' doesn't mean it's not worth it."
Dean leaned forward on the couch. "I love your sister more than anything. I was going to..." he stopped himself before he told Dawn about his plan to propose to her sister. "Unfortunately, Buffy doesn't feel the same." He began to play with his keys, wishing he could leave before seeing Buffy again. "We broke up."
Dawn smirked a little. "Maybe you should tell her what you were doing at Prittchard's." Dean looked up at her with surprise. "The jewelry department called earlier and left a message. They said if you don't have the receipt this time you can show photo ID and they'll give it to you." Dawn grinned widely at the shock on Dean's face.
Dean, though, felt like the world had turned upside down and there was a thousand pound weight on his chest. "Dawn," his voice sounded strained, "don't say anything to Buffy, okay?"
Dawn grinned. "I won't, but what did you get her? Is it a ring?" She was nearly bouncing with joy.
"Well, we have to deal with Glory first. Maybe Buffy and I can work things out when Glory's dead." Dean didn't believe what he was saying. He knew that if Buffy still didn't trust him, there wasn't much he could do to change her mind.
13~13~13~13
An hour later, Buffy came home with an exhausted Willow at her side. Relief washed over Dean as he helped Buffy get Willow up the stairs to her room. When Dean left the girls alone, Willow took Buffy's hand. "He's still here. He's trying. You should give him a chance to explain."
Buffy nodded. "Do you need anything?"
"No. Go get him before he leaves. Make up. Forgive him for whatever it is 'cause believe me, he loves you."
Buffy gave Willow a tired half smile and left.
Buffy gave herself a minute to get her emotions in check. She felt so overwhelmed. She didn't want to let her guard down and let Dean know she didn't know what she was doing. She felt like she was being forced to be Dawn's parent. She had to meet with school officials and Social Services and at the same time face off with a hell-god. She leaned against the wall and took a few deep breaths. All she wanted to do was curl up in Dean's arms, pretend none of that mattered, and let Dean tell her everything was going to be okay.
Dean tugged on his coat while he debated whether or not he should leave. Buffy hadn't said anything to him, she barely even looked at him. Finding the ring box in his pocket when he reached for his car keys was the reminder he needed. Buffy had made her feelings perfectly clear; she didn't want him.
Buffy entered the living room in time to hear the Impala drive away.
Shiloh County Hospital 2004
Dean was dressed and waiting for Sam and Bobby to take him back to Bobby's when Dawn tentatively entered his room. "Hi, Dean."
"Hey, Dawn." Dean let a small relaxed smile fall on his face.
She rushed forward and hugged him before he could deny her one. "It's so good to see you up and around."
"Thanks," he said stiffly, stepping out of her embrace. He gave her another quick smile before busying himself with looking anywhere but at her. "Sorry you came all the way out here. They shouldn't have called you."
"Hey, I have always wanted to see South Dakota in the spring and seeing you and Sam, that's just frosting."
Dean nodded at her small joke. "Still, Dawn, you didn't have to..."
"Right," she added with a knowing look, "Like you wouldn't have raced to my bedside if the situation was reversed." Dean shrugged making Dawn smirk. "Exactly, you would have broken driving records if needed."
She sat on his bed. "I'm sorry about your dad. I know how close the two of you were."
Dean responded with a small nod and mumbled, "Thanks."
"I would have told you about Buffy, you know that, right?"
Dean shrugged. "There was a spell or something."
"Yeah, had I known she was going to do that, I would have called the moment I saw her. But that first night, I was so worried about her and so freaked out, I didn't leave her side."
"It's okay, Dawn. It didn't fall on you to tell me."
"She's sorry, you know."
"Dawn..."
"She is and she's never really loved anyone since -"
"Dawn, I can't, I can't talk about her." He took a deep breath. "Tell me about you and everything you've been up to. Tell me about the guys you have chasing after you now that you're all grown up. Are any of them good enough for you? Or does Sammy still have a shot with you? Don't tell me you've finally gotten over that crush on the lesser of the Winchesters?" Dean teased, hoping Dawn would drop the subject of her sister.
"Lesser?" Dawn shot back even though she blushed. "Have you seen your brother? He's huge."
Dean nearly smiled at her blush. "Well, the kid's taller, but he's still mostly a dork. Now, he's just a tall dork."
"Well, there's nothing he can do about that. That's something that runs in the family."
Dean chuckled, "You're funny."
"Yeah, I'm adorable." Dawn felt a true sense of accomplishment when Dean laughed again.
Sunnydale 2001
The Scooby gang spent the day planning. Everyone had their role to play, including Spike's sexbot. Just when their confidence was at it's highest, everything fell apart. Dawn was taken right in front of Buffy, Giles and Xander.
The plan was tossed.
Xander decided to risk Buffy's wrath and placed a call to Dean. When the hunter answered, Xander said, "Glory has Dawn."
"Where?"
"We don't know."
"Where's Buffy?"
"We're at the Magic Shop."
"I'll be there in five minutes."
When Dean walked in, Buffy didn't hide her surprise. "What are you doing here?"
Dean looked at the others. "I was hoping you'd let me help."
Giles let out a tiny relieved smile. "We could use all the help we can get."
The Scoobies started a new plan.
When they were alone, Dean turned to Buffy and quietly said, "Thanks for letting me stay." He continued, but found it difficult to look at her, "I know you don't want me here, but I'd do anything to save Dawn."
Buffy blinked in shock, but before she could try to reassure him, Xander asked Giles, "What happens if Glory is able to open the portal?"
"The walls between the dimensions break down. It stops, the energy's used up, the walls come back up. Glory uses that time to get back into her own dimension, not caring that all manner of hell will be unleashed on earth in the meantime," Giles answered knowing Buffy would hate hearing it again.
"Um, but only for a little while, right? The walls come back up, uh, n-no more hell?" Anya asked.
Willow nodded. "That's only if the energy is stopped. And now the key is human, is Dawn," She began.
Giles took over and read from a book. "'The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more.' When Dawn is dead."
Dean put his hand on Buffy's arm. "That's not an option." He stood before Buffy and looked her square in the eye. "I will not let Dawn die. We will stop this."
Buffy nodded, taking strength in his confidence. "Pretty simple math here. We stop Glory before she can start the ritual. We still have a couple of hours, right?"
The watcher nodded his head. "If my calculations are right. But Buffy-"
"I don't wanna hear it." Buffy turned away.
" I understand that-"
Buffy whirled back to face him. "No! No, you don't understand. we are not talking about this."
Giles jumped to his feet and yelled, "Yes, we bloody well are!"
Everyone was startled by Giles outburst. When he spoke again, it was much quieter. "If Glory begins the ritual ... if we can't stop her..."
Dean stepped between Buffy and Giles, facing the older man. "Don't say what I think you're going to say. Don't even think about touching Dawn."
Buffy was belligerent. She moved to stand next to Dean. "Come on, Giles. Say it. We're bloody well talking about this. Tell me to kill my sister."
Seeing the determination in their eyes, Giles backed down. "If the ritual starts, then every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death. Including Dawn."
Buffy stood firm. "Then the last thing she'll see is me protecting her."
Giles shook his head, "You'll fail. You'll die. We all will."
Buffy looked at her friends, "I'm sorry. I love you all ... but I'm sorry."
Dean put his hands on her shoulders again, and forced her to meet his eyes. "The only ones dying tonight are Glory and her freaky minions."
Buffy found the strength she needed in his eyes and nodded. "You'll protect her. You'll take care of Dawn for me."
"Yeah, always."
Buffy gave the slightest sigh of relief at Dean's answer. Amazed that after everything, Dean was still by her side, she felt she needed an answer before she faced Glory. "Do you still love me?" she asked
"Yeah. Of course I do," he said quietly, stunned that she felt she had to ask. He hoped it didn't mean that he'd lost her.
Suddenly, Tara yelled, "I have places to be!" and their new plan went into action.
Singer Salvage 2004
Dean looked at what was left of his car and wanted to feel something, anything, but all he felt was an empty ache, like he was missing a limb. He could fix the car, he would fix the car, but he felt he, himself, was beyond repair. He had to be strong for Sam. He had to watch out for him, it was the last promise he made to his father.
He was well aware it was useless to be angry with a dead man, but Dean didn't know how to forgive his dad. Just as he was coming to terms with his father's decision to keep Buffy from him, he'd remember his dad telling him he may need to kill Sam. It was too much and it was tearing him apart.
Sam cautiously kept constant watch of him and that, too, put Dean on edge.
Bobby watched him, too. He understood why Dean would want to work on the car. It was the one thing in his life Dean had control over. "I fixed the frame. And, whatever I didn't have in stock, I ordered."
"Thanks, Bobby."
They stood silently staring at the wreckage. "You can have all the time you need to work on her. It's not like there's a high demand for the space."
"Thanks, Bobby."
Bobby stood next to Dean for another minute before clapping a hand on the boy's shoulder. "I'll be here if you need me." He waited for the automatic reply to come again, but Dean said nothing.
The moment Bobby took a step, Dean said, "He made a deal, didn't he."
Bobby thought a moment. "That's what it looks like," he quietly agreed.
"Should have let me die."
Bobby was stunned. "Dean, your father was never going to let that happen, not if he could do something about it."
"Why? Why would he do that? He could have ended things with the demon. We were so close."
"Your father had a bigger score to settle." Dean looked confused. "He owed you more than he could pay, Dean."
"It's not fair. It was my time to go."
"Dean," Bobby kept his voice quiet, "you know as well as anyone that life's never fair. But, your daddy thought he could even things up a bit if he took your place."
"He was wrong, Bobby."
Sunnydale 2001
As they got into position by the rickety tower the minions had built, Buffy needed more reassurance. She grabbed Dean's arm. "I need you to promise me you'll take care of Dawn, get her out of here as soon as you can."
Dean glanced at Buffy. "You know I will." Buffy nodded and settled into her mind to prepare. Then Dean grasped another meaning to her request and placed a hand on her shoulder to make her face him. "Buffy, don't even go in there thinking you're not coming back out." Buffy nodded, but Dean didn't think she believed it. "Babe, you're coming back to me. You hear me?"
Buffy looked at him, letting the danger of the moment fade into the back ground. "I do love you, Dean. And I'm sorry about -"
Dean's expression brightened at her words. She still loved him, that was all he needed to hear. "We'll have plenty of time to make up, Princess. Go kick some Glory ass, now."
Buffy gave him a small relieved smile, then hugged him. She relished that moment in his arms and repeated, "I love you."
Dean let her warmth seep into him. "I love you, too, Buffy, I always will," he whispered into her ear. He released her and with a cocky grin added, "Now, go kick it in the ass."
13~13~13~13
Dean felt impotent without his gun, but too many of Glory's minions were humans like Tara and would be returned to their rightful state with Willow's spell. He shouldn't risk shooting one of them.
Dean, Xander, and Spike fought Glory's evil minions until Willow's voice rang in their heads. "Someone is on the tower with Dawn! Get up there!"
Spike and Dean exchanged looks. "Go, Spike! You're faster! Go! I'll have your back," Dean commanded and the two of them shoved past the others and made their way to the tower.
Spike climbed the tower while Dean fought off all comers. Just when Dean thought he couldn't raise his arms again, Spike was thrown from the tower.
Dean rushed to Spike's aid, offered his hand, and pulled Spike to his feet. They each turned to the platform. Something was wrong. Dean knew Glory was dead, he saw Giles take care of 'Ben'. But, someone else had gotten to Dawn, a portal had been opened.
Buffy said goodbye to Dawn and sprang from the platform. Dean raced forward, but wasn't in time to save her. He fell to her as she lay on the stack of pallets. "Buffy? Baby?" He lifted her lifeless form, cradling her to his chest. "No," he whispered. He brushed back her hair and stared at her lifeless features.
Above them, the portal closed.
For a long time no one approached them save Giles. He knelt down next to Dean, placed a hand on his shoulder, though he knew there was no way to comfort the man. He sat silently with him for several minutes, then quietly he said, "Dean, you have to let her go." Dean shook his head and continued to rock slowly with Buffy in his arms. His will to live was over, his world was over.
"Dean, Dawn needs you. Go to her. We'll take care of Buffy."
At the mention of Dawn's name, Dean came to his senses. He gently lay Buffy in Giles' arms and stood. "Dawn!" His shout was thick. "Dawnie!" He finally spotted her by the tower steps. She was staring at her sister.
When Dean approached her, she cowered back, "Dean," she sobbed, "I'm so sorry."
Dean pulled her to him embracing her. "Sh, Dawnie. It's not your fault. Shh."
13~13~13~13
Over the next few days, Dean and Dawn were inseparable. Neither spoke much to anyone else, each was relieved that Giles took over most of the responsibilities. John and Sam arrived for the funeral, but neither seemed much comfort to Dean. The small chapel was filled with flowers, most of which were pink roses. They had come from around the country; Sioux Falls, Blue Earth, San Francisco, and Pittsburgh.
Before the small service, Dean escorted Dawn to Buffy's casket. He stepped back to allow her privacy to say her goodbyes. When Dean approached, he could barely look at Buffy. He knew she wasn't 'really there', but it was killing him to see her lifeless in a casket. He saw that she still wore the silver ring he had given her. He carefully slid the silver band from her finger and replaced it with the small engagement ring he never had the chance to give her.
After the service, John found Dean sitting on the Summers' back steps alone. He knew the pain his son was going through, having gone through it himself, but that didn't help him know how to comfort Dean.
Dean hadn't met his eyes once since he arrived in Sunnydale and John felt there was something missing in his son. Buffy's death had extinguished the light in his son's eyes.
John took a seat next to Dean on the porch. "Dean, I know you're hurting. You're hurting more than you ever have. But you can take that hurt and use it to get angry. Angry at what took Buffy from you and angry at what took your mother. Use that anger to be stronger, to help you in this fight."
Dean nodded, but he wasn't really listening. He just wanted his father to leave him alone.
After John left him, it wasn't long until Bobby joined him on the steps. "I'd ask how you're doin', but I can tell by looking at you." He sat next to Dean and gently laid a hand on the boy's back. "When Karen died, I wanted to punch every s.o.b. that said they were sorry."
They sat in silence for several minutes, Bobby's hand never leaving Dean's back. "Does it ever stop hurting?" Dean's voice was so quiet and pained, Bobby's heart broke for him.
"No. It hurts a little less with time, but it never stops."
Singer Salvage 2004
Dean had gone through his belongings that Sam had moved into their room but hadn't found what he was looking for. He pried open the trunk and found nothing there either. No more pictures, no more letters, no postcards, nothing to mark the time he had spent with Buffy. He looked at his key ring. He still had the small silver band he had given her years ago. It wasn't much, but it was all he had, so it would have to do.
He checked the calendar for the next new moon. Three days. It would give him just enough time to get the supplies he needed.
13~13~13~13
Bobby left Sam on the back porch watching Dean and answered the door. He didn't know who to expect, but it wasn't the slayer and her sister. "Uh, well, this is a surprise."
Buffy offered him a weak smile. "We're not staying, but we'd like to say good bye to Sam and Dean, if it's okay."
"Of course, come in." He stepped out of their way and called over his shoulder, "Sam, you've got company." He turned to Buffy, "Dean's out back working on the car."
Buffy nodded as Sam entered. "Hey, Sam, um, we're heading back to Cleveland tonight so we thought we'd stop by and say good bye first."
Sam nodded at her, knowing how difficult it must be for her to be there. He stepped up and hugged her. "Thank you, for everything. I'm going to miss you."
"You don't have to be such a stranger, either," Dawn said as Sam released her sister.
Sam smiled over the other emotions he was feeling and surrounded Dawn in a bear hug. "You're the one who shouldn't be a stranger, Dawn." He closed his eyes and rested his head on hers for a minute. I wish you would stay.
Dawn allowed herself to be swallowed in Sam's embrace. She held on and listened to his heart beat. There was nowhere else she wanted to be. Ask me to stay.
13~13~13~13
Buffy's heart was in her throat as she took in the damage to the Impala. Silently, she watched Dean work, too afraid to approach. He shouldn't be working like this, she thought, he's only just out of the hospital.
Dean straightened up and wiped a greasy hand on his shirt but didn't look at her. "You just gonna stand there or did you come here for something?"
His sudden question startled her. "We're going. Dawn and me, back to Cleveland," she stammered. Dean nodded then returned to working on the engine. She didn't know what kind of response she had been expecting, but it was more than that. "I'm sorry about your dad, about everything."
Without looking up, he answered, "Yeah."
Buffy looked around the yard then back to the Impala. How was he ever going to get her running again? She loved that car and she knew how much it meant to Dean. Unclasping her necklace, she made her way to his tool chest. "Here," she said putting the ring and chain down next to his tools. "You should use this to buy the parts you need to fix her."
Dean turned and watched her leave the ring. A knife sliced through his heart and all he managed to reply was a rough sounding, "Right," as he looked away.
Buffy saw the keys laying there and felt her heart clench. On the key ring was a silver band. Her silver band, the ring Dean had given her so long ago. Her hand seemed to move on its own as her fingers gently brushed over the key ring. She had been wrong, Dean had thought about her. He couldn't have forgotten her if he saw this ring every time he drove his car.
Buffy looked back and Dean and silently pleaded, 'Please look at me, let me know you're going to be okay'. She wanted to say 'goodbye', she wanted to say anything, but the words stuck in her throat. Before she started to cry in front of him, she headed back to the house.
The moment Buffy walked away, Dean stopped pretending to work and looked at the engagement ring laying on the black rubber mat of the tool chest. Anger raged inside him. He knew she no longer loved him, had never agreed to marry him, but returning the ring was rubbing salt in his wound.
Grabbing the crowbar leaning against the tool case, and with all the pain he'd been holding, Dean swung it into the window of a nearby wreck.
The sound of shattering glass had Buffy returning to the scene. By the sixth crash of the crowbar into the Impala's trunk, Buffy placed herself between Dean and his car. Her hand stopping the downward arc of his next swing. "Dean, stop," she pleaded barely above a whisper.
He dropped the iron bar and tried to pull away but Buffy's firm grip on his arms prevented him. So, instead he shoved forward and forced her against the car. "I don't want you here," he growled, his eyes flashing menacingly.
"I know. I don't care. I wanted to be here if you needed me." Buffy kept her voice soft, her head bowed, and she though hadn't let go of him, her hands gently traveled up and down his arms. When she heard Dean's shaky breath, Buffy looked into his eyes. For a moment, she could see the anguish inside him. She tenderly caressed his cheek and held his face in her hands.
Closing his eyes, Dean rested his forehead against hers. Buffy felt him tremble as her hands traveled to his shoulders.
Flashes of their spirit walk discussion materialized in Dean's mind. He heard her say how she hated him for leaving and for not being there for Dawn. He remembered her saying she felt empty and alone. He knew that feeling, he had felt the same way for three years. He backed away. He couldn't, he wouldn't let her do this again.
"Sorry you got dragged all the way out here. If it was up to me, you wouldn't have been bothered." His voice was barely above a whisper as his regret replaced the anger draining from him.
Buffy followed him. "Dean..." He met her eyes, but she saw nothing there, just an icy, pained stare.
"You should leave." He didn't wait for her reaction. Instead, he headed to the far side of the salvage yard.
*Much of the Scoobies' conversation during the planning session is taken from "The Gift"
Chapter 14