i put my head down on the table feeling vaguely shitty and suddenly i had lost fifteen minutes and hot tears filled my eyes and snot my nose
( Read more... )
Pent-up emotions are really a pretty intense burden, often without us really being aware until they are relieved.
I have heard that the ability to tear up from emotion is related to testosterone levels, from a couple of my trans friends who have noticed a difference. I suspect it is also affected by your life history with crying in general, which may or may not be easier to do something about.
I would imagine you're right about "life history with crying in general," although I'll point out that I basically never cried as a kid (in the literal, tearing-up sense) and am told I was a "very quiet baby," but I have a ridiculous hair-trigger for tears these days. I even do the happy crying thing. So I wouldn't be surprised if adult hormones are a big part of it.
I don't know if this is helpful, Ben, or it just comes across as "nyah, I have it worse" (I promise I mean it in the helpful way!), but I think of easily tearing up as a "now I have two problems" kind of deal. First I'm in a sad or frustrating situation, and now suddenly I can't see straight or breathe properly? I also just find it flat out embarrassing -- I often tear up during even slightly emotional conversations with significant others, and I feel like I look like I'm trying to manipulate them or otherwise acting like a toddler, and sometimes I overcompensate by trying to act super rational, which just leads to more
( ... )
well, that does help. i already know i'm lucky to avoid the public embarrassment problem (although i really think i wouldn't mind crying in front of friends, but what do i know; i have no experience with it), but it is pretty interesting how it affects your thoughts/behaviour in a dual way to my pattern.
i am trying to 'own' being sad as you say, yeah, especially now that i have words for it. i don't know why i have so hard of a time accepting some sadness's legitimacy, being "present" with the feeling; i suspect it's a confidence thing. crying remains sort of an automatic validation of "what you are feeling is real".
i really would like to know how much it has to do with testosterone. basically i have no clue what contributes. i would like to try to be more in control of my crying patterns, but have no leads on how to achieve that.
i dunno, i don't think i have a particularly interesting life history with crying. i basically didn't as a teenager? i think at one point in my childhood i was like "ok, i shouldn't cry" and then it stuck. sometimes now i find myself trying to fight that with "i should cry now", which works about as poorly as you'd expect.
I have no insight into ability-to-cry, but I wish I did. I found myself sobbing while watching The Wall Live a few weeks ago, starting slowly during the second half and peaking during the end, and I really don't remember when the last time was that I cried from any cause. It's a powerful show, I was in a (very lightly) altered state of mind, and I had a lot of other thoughts lurking in my head at the time... but those have all happened before, individually and in combination, and I've never felt close to crying.
I'm glad I did and I'm glad to know that I can, though; it felt really freeing and cathartic. I'm just wondering why...
I find I cry most when feeling totally overwhelmed - not by work or stress or anything, but by some particular feeling. usually it also involves feeling powerless / "just a spectator to my own life", too. it always has to be a bunch of stuff at once, and usually i try to coax it on by calling to mind other memories that fit the feeling.
entertainment media (tv, books, comics) tends to have an easy time making me misty-eyed, especially when involving themes of death, but i rarely actually sob for it.
Comments 8
I have heard that the ability to tear up from emotion is related to testosterone levels, from a couple of my trans friends who have noticed a difference. I suspect it is also affected by your life history with crying in general, which may or may not be easier to do something about.
Reply
I would imagine you're right about "life history with crying in general," although I'll point out that I basically never cried as a kid (in the literal, tearing-up sense) and am told I was a "very quiet baby," but I have a ridiculous hair-trigger for tears these days. I even do the happy crying thing. So I wouldn't be surprised if adult hormones are a big part of it.
I don't know if this is helpful, Ben, or it just comes across as "nyah, I have it worse" (I promise I mean it in the helpful way!), but I think of easily tearing up as a "now I have two problems" kind of deal. First I'm in a sad or frustrating situation, and now suddenly I can't see straight or breathe properly? I also just find it flat out embarrassing -- I often tear up during even slightly emotional conversations with significant others, and I feel like I look like I'm trying to manipulate them or otherwise acting like a toddler, and sometimes I overcompensate by trying to act super rational, which just leads to more ( ... )
Reply
well, that does help. i already know i'm lucky to avoid the public embarrassment problem (although i really think i wouldn't mind crying in front of friends, but what do i know; i have no experience with it), but it is pretty interesting how it affects your thoughts/behaviour in a dual way to my pattern.
i am trying to 'own' being sad as you say, yeah, especially now that i have words for it. i don't know why i have so hard of a time accepting some sadness's legitimacy, being "present" with the feeling; i suspect it's a confidence thing. crying remains sort of an automatic validation of "what you are feeling is real".
Reply
i dunno, i don't think i have a particularly interesting life history with crying. i basically didn't as a teenager? i think at one point in my childhood i was like "ok, i shouldn't cry" and then it stuck. sometimes now i find myself trying to fight that with "i should cry now", which works about as poorly as you'd expect.
Reply
I'm glad I did and I'm glad to know that I can, though; it felt really freeing and cathartic. I'm just wondering why...
Reply
entertainment media (tv, books, comics) tends to have an easy time making me misty-eyed, especially when involving themes of death, but i rarely actually sob for it.
Reply
Leave a comment