Comments | bubblingbeebles: a stainless steel road stretching off to the sky

bubblingbeebles

a stainless steel road stretching off to the sky

Nov 27, 2011 02:29

i don't remember where i found it, but i've had this article in a firefox tab staring at me for the past couple of days. it's all about how there are okay researchers, and there are great researchers - the kind that change the world with their work; and what characterises the different tiers of impactfulness in the work that you do? and so on. i ( Read more... )

introspection, balance, work, energy, life

Comments 8

masqueradestar November 27 2011, 19:33:50 UTC

i've found out that i don't actually want computer science / kernel hacking to have such an involved role in my life.

andalso

maintaining my relationships, dismantling my depression, living more in the moment ... all should have vastly higher priority than my work. and that's not to mention hobbies that i'd like to have but have fallen by the waysideI can really, really relate to this. Not that I'm facing the grad school/industry dilemma like you are, but within the circle of clusterfolk and alumni, I get the impression that many of them just live and breathe CS. It's what they do in their down time for fun, and fortuitously they also happen to be studying it in school or getting paid for it at work. They don't seem to mind putting 110% of their time toward it because it's what they enjoy, which is not a Bad Thing if it's what they enjoy. But that all-depth-no-breadth aspect of grad school or the 60-hour-a-week-silicon-valley lifestyle that they seem so suited for aren't attractive to me. (nb. ymmv, and I know there are a lot of ( ... )

masqueradestar November 27 2011, 19:34:13 UTC

my goodness this reply was long; maybe i should make a proper entry about this...

(The comment has been removed)

bubblingbeebles November 28 2011, 07:40:31 UTC

yeah, but it's not even a binary "you are balanced or not" thing, and that's why i'm failing at it. like, i do spend time feeding my friendships, and cooking, and running, and so forth ("so why on earth am i ungrateful and unhappy about it??"). but i don't feel free about it; i feel trapped, and out of control of how much work and obligations i have to take care of.

this is one of those things that i know would be automatically easier if i had an industry job; my internship experience has shown i'm good at leaving work in the office when there's a definite 40-hour-work-week... and i also know that only 40 hours would not get me through the master's program... but this sounds like a personal problem, and it seems a little unfair(???) to let that make my decision for me.

(edit: whoops, wrote this in vim in the airport, and picked up a few stray line breaks copy-pasting.)

Thread 5

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bubblingbeebles November 29 2011, 21:08:50 UTC

I do need to do a better job at getting off my laptop during the weekday evenings and generally motivating myself to do other things but that's a different issue.

yeah, i also observed this for myself during my last internship. i think it would be highly dependent on my housemates (which i'm realising is a super important happiness factor, for me personally).

I think you are asking the right questions.

woo, i love hearing that :)

thanks! maybe i will prod you next time i am tearing myself apart, which is pretty frequently these days. c.c

bubblingbeebles November 28 2011, 21:08:50 UTC

it's weird... i think maybe more often than not, i don't enjoy learning CS anymore. :\

it's certainly interesting, all i've been learning about conference research paper writing etc (in 799 and in research) and about type stuff (in 814), but it seems to be only the rare case that i'm actually having fun doing so.

(edit: maybe this, and also my reluctance to spend 6 years on one research area, is all just symptomatic of "i'm not able to finish what i start". is it appropriate to look at it that way, which makes it look like a weakness?)

masqueradestar November 29 2011, 07:16:13 UTC

Maybe it is helpful to draw a line between "fun" and "satisfying". There are some things I've learned in class that have been distinctly fun in the process (some 213 labs come to mind), and other times it's been like pulling teeth but entirely worth it (251 comes to mind). I feel like long-term satisfaction with what your main obligation -- e.g. work, school -- is going to be is more important than fun, although having both would obviously be better.

edit: oops, hit "post comment" instead of "preview"

bubblingbeebles November 29 2011, 21:03:17 UTC

sure, sure, "this is good for you, it builds character". i think the problem is just that i'm getting super burnt out and this degrades my judgement of the worthiness of the activity. and this, along with the "need my easy free time", are the two big arguments for industry.

(prior writing on the subject here)