The Enemy Within
Title: The Enemy Within - Remix, by mserrada
Summary: Set during the Pegasus arc, Cain gives Kara an order to execute
Characters: Kara, Lee, with Cain, Shaw, Gaius & Gina.
Pairings: Kara/Lee
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Cursing, adult themes including some discussion of torture and rape
Title, Author and URL of original story: The Enemy Within by Sci-Fi-Shipper at http://sci-fi-shipper.livejournal.com/11614.html
Beta Thanks: SLPspank -Sooo much appreciate the objective eye!
Author Notes/Disclaimer: This is not my house, RDM just lets me play here.
Chapter One
Exiting Admiral Cain’s quarters, Kara halted in the deserted hallway as the hatch slid shut behind her, separating her from the superior officer she would soon assassinate.
The last seventy-two hours had canted her universe as radically as the fall of the Twelve Colonies. First, being reassigned to the Pegasus, then the unauthorized Blackbird foray, followed by a near duel between the two battlestars over Cain’s execution order of Helo and the Chief. But it was the directive from the Old Man that had truly set her ideology askew.
‘I want you to pull out your weapon…and shoot Admiral Cain in the head.’
Kara closed her eyes, a shiver coursing through her as the flatly spoken command again slicked a chill along her spine. Wetting dry lips, she jammed the dread into a nook to grapple with later. She had a more immediate issue, an order she’d just been given by the Admiral at the conclusion of their most recent strategy session.
Since returning yesterday from briefing Commander Adama on the plan to destroy the Cylon Resurrection Ship, she, Admiral Cain and Captain Kendra Shaw had been hammering out the final logistics of the mission. The Admiral had seemed impressed with the Op she and Lieutenant Adama had devised, but it had taken multiple meetings since to satisfy Cain that they had all their contingency plans in place.
In addition, each session had turned inevitably to talk of returning to Caprica and the other Colonies. And, as eager as she was to lead a rescue to retrieve Sam and the others stranded on the Cylon-infested planet, Kara was aware of the vast difficulties involved; Adama and Roslin had made them abundantly clear. But, listening now to Cain’s talk of not just a quick hit and run, but of her intentions to liberate all of their homes and utterly destroy the enemy, Starbuck’s blood thrummed a war-beat in her ears.
And yet…
Worrying her lower lip, Kara felt doubts creep in again now that she had left the sphere of Cain’s mesmeric confidence. She’d seen enough first hand to know that two battlestars weren’t capable of taking on the entire Cylon fleet, yet that certainly appeared to be what the Admiral had in mind. Maybe not head on. Not in a single confrontation. But even if Pegasus and Galactica worked in unison on coordinated ambushes, the odds were still astronomical. With no reinforcements, no station to dry-dock and repair damage between fights, it wouldn’t be long before both ships literally buckled beneath the repeated pounding they were bound to take.
…and then there was the civilian fleet to consider.
Commander Adama’s standard operating plan had always been to delay the Cylon attack force to buy time for the more vulnerable ships of the fleet to jump to safety. If both battlestars were engaging in regular strikes against the enemy, who was going to protect the remainder of humanity that huddled in the many unarmed transports?
She had asked the Admiral once about that-and hadn’t brought the subject up again after receiving a brow-lowered glare and Cain’s ‘Not your concern, Captain.’ The rebuke, so reminiscent of her mother’s responses, had been enough to silence her protest.
Kara pinched the bridge of her nose, the beginnings of a headache pressing on her sinuses.
Frak. Who am I kidding?!
It was all a moot point. There’d be no rescue mission back to Caprica once Admiral Cain was dead. As bitter as that truth tasted, Kara knew why Adama and Roslin had chosen to run when faced with the Cylon fleet at Ragnor Station. And, as much as it twisted her gut to admit, the war was no more a winning proposition now then it had been those months ago.
Kara abruptly realized that the reason she’d paused outside the Admiral’s hatch had nothing to do with the possible mission back to Caprica. She’d been delaying, subconsciously diverting herself from confronting Cain’s parting order for Kara to personally execute the Cylon prisoner in the brig below.
She swallowed repeatedly to moisten a throat gone dry as the Admiral’s order again echoed in her ears. What she had to do was simple really. Kill the prisoner. Kill the enemy. It was what she trained for after all, what she’d been doing for so many long months now. What difference did it really make if she did it sighting through the canopy of a Viper or down the barrel of a pistol? The Cylon was dead either way.
Mentally shaking off the vines of irresolution that had held her, Starbuck turned to stalk off in the direction of the Pegasus’ brig.
She had orders to execute.
One at a time.
Chapter Two
Standing now outside the Cylon’s cell, Starbuck scowled as she watched Gaius Baltar try to coax the Six into taking a piece of fruit he held on an outstretched palm. Kara grimly wondered how many of the civilian ships of the fleet had any access to fresh produce, but then her eyes narrowed as she noted the way the green BDUs hung on the too thin frame and accentuated the way the prisoner hunched in on herself. Extensive bruising encircled the Cylon woman’s wrists and ankles, and other glimpsed wounds made it apparent that she had been aggressively interrogated.
Since coming aboard Pegasus, Kara had heard the rumors of torture and abuse…then what had happened with Sharon on Galactica had given them a basis in fact. Yet seeing the physical evidence in person was a disturbing reminder of her own turn as an interrogator. At the time, she’d shoved down the conflicting emotions her session with Leoben had stirred, but they returned now as she watched the prisoner flinch when Gaius took a step closer.
Starbuck felt the black-clad guard at her side shift and glanced over at him, catching the slight leer and nasty glint in the man’s gaze as he turned from watching the prisoner to meet her regard.
“She give you much trouble?” she asked nonchalantly, swinging fully to face the lanky Marine.
“Not since Lieutenant Thorne broke her to the saddle.” The twist of the Corporal’s lips abruptly dropped at her withering look and he quickly came to attention with a hastily tacked on, “Sir.
“The saddle?” she asked, repulsively aware of what the guard probably meant, yet the implication was sickening and she couldn’t choke back her negating question, grasping for some other interpretation.
“Yeah, you know. We ride her lik-”
“Shut your frakkin’ mouth,” Starbuck snarled, cutting him off as she surged in close. The young Marine, though some five inches taller, took a half step back, bravado quickly deflating on finding himself the focus of a glare so filled with sudden loathing.
“It-it was orders-I didn’t-I jus-”
The crack of the open-handed slap was shockingly loud, reverberating off the metal walls. Shock paled the man’s face, making the red imprint on his cheek that much more vivid.
“Told you to shut the hell up!” Kara’s palm stung and fingers ached from the tight fists she now held rigidly at her sides, only just restraining the urge to do more to this…this…
“You like following orders, soldier? Then keep your damned trap closed and give me your frakkin’ key card,” she snapped out instead.
“Wh-” He wisely clamped his jaw on the barely formed question and reluctantly pulled the cell key from his uniform pocket, holding it out to her and hastily dropping his hand as the square of coded plastic was snatched from his grasp.
“Now get outta my sight,” she said, voice menacingly low.
As his eyes moved from the cell to the exit hatch and back to her, she could read the conflict in his expression. He’d face a severe penalty if the Admiral determined that he’d abandoned his post, but he was also facing charges of refusing a direct order if he didn’t. The contempt in her glare jolted him into motion and he edged around her.
Not bothering to turn to watch his retreat, Starbuck waited until she heard the double hiss of the exit hatch as it opened and then closed before swinging back to face the cell.
She caught the contemplative look on Baltar’s face. Unable to hear what had passed between her and the guard, he was undoubtedly curious. Well, she wasn’t about to indulge him with an explanation. Speaking of which, why the hell was he alone in the cell with an unrestrained Cylon prisoner? With an impatient shake of the head, she shoved the question aside. It didn’t matter, not anymore at least.
Pulling her sidearm from its holster, she swiped the key card with the other and stepped cautiously back from the door as it slid open.
“Out, Doc,” Starbuck ordered, voice neutral as she kept the pistol leveled on the Cylon where she stood, back pressed to the far wall.
“Lieutenant Thrace, I don’t-” Baltar started to protest as he moved into her line of fire.
“Shit, Gaius, get outta the way!” she snapped out, moving to the side to get a clear bead on the prisoner again. “And get your ass outta there, right frakkin’ now!”
An urge to just shoot them both flickered through her as the man still hesitated. If he was taking a ‘turn’ with the prisoner he damn well deserved one between the eyes. But the impulse passed as she noted the defensive way he tried again to come between her and the Cylon. And moreover, the brutalized woman didn’t seem to fear Gaius now, there was only despair in the wounded eyes as they locked on hers over his shoulder.
The echoes of agony reflected in the washed-out blue gaze was enough to make Kara falter, her hand unconsciously lowering. Hands partially raised, Gaius sidled forward, halting just inside the open hatch.
“What’s this about, Lieutenant?” he asked, and Kara noted the sweat glistening on his high forehead and upper lip.
“It’s Captain now,” she automatically corrected, “and I have orders to put her-it-down. So just step out and let me get this over with.” Her focus was back on the prisoner and she’d leveled the gun again, not trusting the Cylon now that it knew what was to come.
“No. No, you can’t. The Admiral sa-”
“The Admiral’s given the order. She wants this thing gone.”
Before he could protest further, the Six moved from her place over to the side so Kara’s line of fire was unhindered.
“I’m ready,” the low voice said. “Do it.”
“Right.” Starbuck’s hand firmed on the pistol as she sighted on the center of the Cylon’s chest.
Several things happened with such speed that they blurred together: Gaius started forward-a protest half spoken even as a hand from behind Kara descended on her outstretched arm, swiftly forcing it down and stripping the gun in one fluid motion, then a second hand hit the emergency override button, causing the cell door to sweep closed…with Baltar barely avoiding getting cleaved as he cleared its path.
Starbuck instinctively twisted and struck out, fist connecting with Lee’s jaw before she’d even recognized him.
“Damn, Kara, stop!” Lee said as he caught his balance against the corner of the door with his free hand.
“What the hell?” she yelled, then took a breath and held out her palm. “Lee, give me my gun,” she demanded, consternation and anger tearing her between averting her head from his scowl and following up with another punch to wipe away the familiar disapproval.
“What are you doing, Kara? You’re going to shoot an unarmed prisoner?!”
“Just following orders. You remember those, Lieutenant?” she bit back, emphasizing his new rank.
“Orders? Whose? Because this isn-”
“Whose do you think? Admiral Cain’s, of course.” Her eyes flitted to the side where Gaius stood uncertainly watching them. Then she grabbed Lee’s elbow and tugged him several strides down the corridor, and in a lowered hiss, “What? You think he ordered this, too?” she asked, knowing that Lee would understand the who.
He shook her hand loose and opened his mouth to reply, but the harsh buzz of the brig’s wall phone preempted him.
After flitting a glare from Lee to Gaius, she turned and quickly covered the distance, lifting the receiver on an inhale.
“Brig, report!” Admiral Cain’s voice demanded, loud enough that Kara was certain both men behind her could easily hear.
“Starbuck here,” she automatically answered, then grimaced, knowing that she should have used her rank in this instance. She had to start wrapping her mind around the fact that she was the CAG now, and that took precedence over her status as the fleet’s top Viper jock.
“I’m showing an emergency lockdown, Captain,” the Admiral said, obviously noting her lapse. “Give me a Sitrep!”
At a glance back at her avid audience, an explanation presented itself.
“The civilian, Doctor Baltar, accidently leaned on the override, Sir,” she lied, taking a small satisfaction at the outraged expression that reddened Gaius’ face. “I was just removing him from the Cylon’s cell, Admiral,” she added.
“Understood,” There was a long pause on the other end, but then Cain’s voice chilled as it lowered. “See to your duties, Captain.”
Kara’s head twitched back as the click of the connection ending struck her as a slap. White knuckles gripped the handset before she took a breath and returned the receiver to the wall mount, and only then swiveled to face the two anxious men.
She gave Gaius a cold stare. “Doctor Baltar, you need to leave.” Then, turning without waiting to see if he obeyed, her eyes narrowed on Lee where he stood with her service pistol still held at his side. “Don’t know what you’re doing here, Lee, but you heard the Admiral. I’ve got duties, so just give me back my gun and go,” she said, moving forward with her hand held out expectantly.
With a hint of reproach, “I was just checking on Tyrol and Helo,” he said, hitching a thumb toward a side corridor leading to more cells, “when I heard you.”
Kara’s eyes flicked the way he’d pointed and a spasm of guilt tightened her chest. She’d meant to come down and see them, see if she could get them anything, but there always seemed to be something else that needed doing first. Well, it didn’t matter. After tomorrow’s mission-and the black op-they should be safe, she thought, trying to reassure herself.
Pushing the concern for the pair aside with an awkward shrug, she resolutely pulled her focus back to the current impasse.
“Lee, this isn’t yo-”
“You can’t do this, Kara. It’s wrong,” Lee cut her off, voice firm, but she saw the hesitation in his eyes now. As he shifted the gun further from reach, her frustration boiled up again. He had the gall to pull this crap on her? Especially knowing about the other order she’d been given-by the Old Man, no less?
Stepping half a pace back, she gave him a blatantly contemptuous once over before saying, “Wrong?” She gave a headshake in disbelief. “Riiiiight, coming from you, that’s a joke. As I remember it, you were all for shooting a Cylon prisoner when it was Sharon. So what’s changed, Lee? Cause that,” with a negligent wave towards the figure on the other side of the barrier, “is just another frakkin’ Cylon.”
Lee tucked the gun into his waistband at the small of his back and stepped into her, lightly gripping Kara’s biceps as he held her resentful gaze.
“I was wrong then,” he said, “and you are now. Look, you stopped me, now let me do the same for you.”
“For me?” Her eyebrows rose as she pulled from his grasp. “You think you’re doing this to what…save me, huh, Lee?” A grimace twisted her mouth. “I’m following orders, like you’re always telling me to.”
“Not this, Kara. It’s an illegal order.”
“Killing the enemy’s illegal? What text books you been reading, cause I’m pretty sure that’s our job description. So, just go. Leave me to do mine.”
“No, you can’t…” trailing off, Lee rubbed at his eyebrow. “Look, Cain’s just testing you. You don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand? That’s rich, even for you.”
“Captain, I think you really should-” Gaius started, only to break off as Kara and Lee both turned on him with fierce scowls. “Nevermind, I’ll…I’ll just wait over there.” He gave a vague waved in the opposite direction from the pair and retreated a few steps.
Crossing her arms, Starbuck paced away from both men, shooting Gaius a frown as she realized he hadn’t left as ordered and was obviously taking in their whispered byplay with a desperate intensity she found perplexing. She didn’t have time to ponder why he was so bent on protecting the Cylon woman. But, Kara was again reminded that she had to be circumspect about what she said.
With her back to them, she paused, scrubbing at her face as she fought to regain her balance. Lee always did this to her. Twisted her with his over-thinking. She didn’t need this crap. Not now. Not this close to the mission.
It should be simple. Execute the prisoner-the enemy. And the clincher-the Cylon was all for it-wanted the hell out of here. And yet Lee was trying to tell her that she shouldn’t even though he was willing to back her on killing a superior officer-another human.
She shook her head in disbelief.
This is frakkin’ ridiculous!
Spinning back to confront Lee, she stalked in close, voice pitched to a low murmur, “You know my orders, what I have to do. Yet you have a problem with this, Lee?” she demanded, jabbing a finger back toward the cell. “Well, get a clue, cause you’re right. Cain’s testing me. And if I don’t do this-don’t follow her orders in this-you think she’s just going to go ‘Well, that’s ok, Captain. Don’t worry about it’,” she mocked, then pushed to within inches of him as her voice dropped to a whisper she was sure couldn’t be overheard, “No. She’ll replace me. Probably stick me in the same cell.” Hands on hips, Starbuck tilted her head defiantly. “And I won’t be there when the Old Man calls.” She let the bitter anger surface as she taunted, “So, come on, Lee. What the frak am I suppose to do, huh?”
“Gods, Kara, I don’t know,” he said, distress drawing horizontal lines across his brow. Her eyes were caught by the flexing of the muscle along his jaw. Then he muttered, “I’ll do it.”
“What?” she asked, not sure what he’d meant, that she’d even heard him correctly.
“I said I’d do it.”
“You?” Nonplused, “You’re going to shoot the prisoner?” she demanded, searching Lee’s face, seeing a resolve harden his expression.
“No.”
“Then what-”
“I’ll do the other thing. It should be me anyway. I outrank you. Or, I use to,” he faltered briefly before adding, “It should’ve been me he asked.”
Kara rocked back, shaking her head. He didn’t…he couldn’t mean what she thought.
“Lee, no.”
He continued as if he hadn’t heard her, “If you can’t, then I’ll do it,” the spoken words were devoid of emotion and this time he was the one to turn away.
She reached out and yanked him around by the shoulder. “You don’t know if you can even get close. It won’t work,” her words a harsh whisper.
“I’ll make it work,” though she was barely able to hear his low promise, they carried a conviction she couldn’t doubt. “Kara, trust me on this. I’ll find a way if the order comes down.”
Lee was willing to do it. Willing to take the lead in an act that she knew he considered a betrayal to his oath and everything that he stood for. Why? She didn’t understand why he’d rather face being a traitor to his principles verses just letting her execute the Cylon prisoner.
Kara bent her head, fingers hard against her forehead as she tried to massage some sense into her thoughts. The headache now pressed in on her, making it even more difficult to understand Lee’s issue with this whole frakkin’ mess. She grimaced. She knew she was tired, the quarters weren’t that much different from Galactica’s, but…well, her bunk was newer, and a hell of a lot softer than her old one, but it wasn’t hers. Between the constant tossing to get comfortable and the familiar-and yet palpably different-sounds of the her bunkmates, Kara’s sleep had been far from restful.
And now she had to deal with Lee on top of everything else.
Raising her head, she wearily searched his eyes.
“I don’t get it, Lee. Why’s this so important to you?” her voice distantly inquiring now. “What’s it matter if I shoot one more Cylon or not?”
“You’re important to me. Ok?” His free hand took hers and squeezed. “Shooting a helpless prisoner, one that’s been abused like she has, it’ll mess with you. I know you, Kara, and it’ll tear you up. You won’t admit it, but, before your gods, you know it’s wrong and it’ll eat at you. This execution has no purpose.”
Her eyes shifted away, but were pulled irresistibly back to his.
“So you think you’re saving me, saving my soul? Is that it, Lee? I thought you didn’t believe in the gods?” She half-heartedly tried to pull her hand free, but he held tight.
“I don’t-but you do.”
“Gods, Lee. What do you expect from me?” The anger was completely gone now, only an echo of frustration still laced her plea.
“Don’t do this. Promise me you won’t do this, Kara.” His hand released hers, but only so it could slide up and behind her neck, pulling her close so their foreheads touched. “Promise me.”
Hazel eyes locked to his azure ones. She swallowed protests and wet her lips to give the only answer she could to Lee Adama.
“I promise.”
Chapter Three
As the snick-snick-snick penetrated her pensive musings, it dawned on Kara that she was thumbing the snap open and closed on her left holster. Stilling her hand on the stiff flap, she sucked in her lower lip, worrying it as she realized that in the confrontation with Lee she’d totally forgotten that she’d had a second pistol the entire time. With a grimace, Kara shook her head. No. She hadn’t forgotten, she’d just subconsciously hadn’t wanted was to pull a gun on him.
More telling, Lee hadn’t immediately demanded her other weapon either, obviously knowing that he had to convince her or she’d simply get another and be back after he’d left.
And he had.
He’d left with only her assurance that she wouldn’t kill the prisoner.
Lee had accepted her promise and handed back her gun, watching silently as she shoved it home into the holster on her right hip. Then, with barely a glance at Baltar where he’d kept his silent position in front of the cell hatch, Lee had strode off, showing confidence in Kara’s word.
Now, some ten minutes later, Kara stood before the same cell and put her palm against the sealed door. Her gaze dropped to the deck plating as she tried to marshal some arguments that might-just possibly-convince the Admiral not to line her up right beside the Cylon and shoot them both at the same time.
As she lifted her eyes and saw the way Gaius was standing close to the prisoner and gesturing adamantly, it dawned on Kara that she probably shouldn’t have let him go back in. The Cylon wanted to die. She’d been pretty clear on that point. What better way to force her captors to kill her then to threaten the doctor.
Tapping a finger on her holster, Starbuck watched the woman in the cell vehemently shake her head at something Gaius had said. Maybe she could use this. Surely Lee would understand that she’d had to shoot the prisoner if the doctor was endangered. It probably wouldn’t take much to get the Cylon to provide the necessary excuse. Through narrowing eyes, she contemplated how to arrange it without Gaius guessing her intent. It wouldn’t work if he then blabbed to Lee that she’d set it up.
“Frak!” Smacking her palm against the transparent barrier, Starbuck shoved off and twisted away. She didn’t want this. None of it. Put her in a Viper with a clean shot at a Raider and she’d blast the frakker from space with an exhilarated shout. But this skulking about...
She couldn’t do it.
She’d made Lee a promise and he’d never forgive-or trust-her again. But what the hell was she going to do, Cain wouldn’t let this go. The Admiral would see that she’d flinched and yank her so fast that she’d have set a new record for the shortest term as CAG.
Twisting back towards the pair that were staring out at her now, another thought came. If she could come up with the idea of using Baltar to force a confrontation, the Cylon woman was certainly capable of the same. A snap of the man’s neck was all it would take, and Kara was too far away to stop her.
Too far away…
She jerked as an idea came full circle.
Straightening, Starbuck pulled her sidearm again and swiped the door open. Both figures halted mid-sentence as she stepped across the threshold.
“You’re right, Doc. I can’t risk killing her,” the gun waved towards the prisoner, but Starbuck kept it aimed low, “can’t risk her downloading.”
“Right. Exactly,” Gaius said, relief sweeping his features. “Excellent point, Captain Thra-”
Cutting him off, “Fine. Whatever,” she said, eyes intent on the other woman. “You need to get the hell out, though, Doc.”
Gaius’ confusion was apparent as he shifted, twisting slightly towards the Cylon and gaze flickering between the two woman. Starbuck didn’t let her attention waver from the prisoner and she saw the moment of understanding sharpen the haunted eyes. Her own narrowed as she gave a nod.
“You try anything, and I’ll take out your kneecaps. The guards will have the same orders. Try to use him,” with a twitch of the head toward Baltar, “and we’ll shoot him first, then your kneecaps.” Again she nodded as the Cylon silently acknowledged the warning.
“But…but,” Gaius sputtered, shocked gaze flitting back and forth.
A shudder passed through the Cylon before her eyes dropped and she said, “I won’t harm him,” voice low and defeated.
Grimly looking between the two, Kara decided that the skin-job probably meant it and the way Gaius edged toward the woman, expression solicitous, he believed her, too.
She frowned, trying to decide if forcing him to leave was worth the effort now that she was assured that the Cylon didn’t pose a threat. And if she was going to press her idea with Cain, it might actually be better to let him remain.
“Doc, you heard the terms. You really staying?” He answered with a jerky nod, focused only on the Cylon woman as she withdrew into herself again.
Cautiously backing from the cell, Kara decided that they hadn’t done the skin-job any favors today. With a swipe of the key card, she locked the cell down even as the sheen of an associative shame made her shiver. She holstered the pistol and tried to swallow the bile that seemed a constant in her mouth since getting her orders from Commander Adama.
Kara scrubbed her palms along her side-seams, then turned to move further into the cell block, deciding it was time to pay a visit to Helo and the Chief, knowing that it might be her last chance-regardless of how things fell out in the next twenty-four hours.
But she’d left it too late.
The brig hatch at the end of the corridor hissed open and Kendra Shaw strode through, Marines flanking her with weapons at the ready. Starbuck halted, expression hardening as she saw the smug look on the guard she’d struck earlier. He’d obviously had carried tales to the Admiral. Letting her gaze shift, she saw Shaw purposefully turn to regard the still very much alive Cylon prisoner. As the brunette swiveled back to face her, Kara was surprised to note regret in the brown eyes and expression. Then the smaller woman’s features smoothed over into her usual mask of indifference.
“I’m to detain you, Captain Thrace, until Admiral Cain has time to review your…situation,” Shaw’s words were flatly spoken, no hint now of the brief flicker of discomfort of a moment ago.
Keeping her hands non-threatening out to her sides, Kara allowed the guards to remove her weapons even as her gaze held to Shaw’s. She was perplexed by the woman’s attitude. Why wasn’t she gloating? After all, the CIC officer’s subtle derision as she’d questioned every detail about the mission plan throughout their meetings together had set Kara’s teeth on edge for the past day.
Not like the frakkin’ button pusher knew a thing about real fighting.
Yet now, all Kara could read in the dark eyes was maybe a sad resignation.
Still silent, Shaw stepped forward with palm up.
As Starbuck pulled the key card from her pants pocket, the barest of smirks tugged at her lips as she extended it between two fingers rather than placing it on the outstretched hand.
“Right,” Kendra said as she gingerly took the card, obviously tensing for a possible attack. Starbuck’s smirk widened, satisfied at having goaded another response from the phlegmatic woman. At this point, she’d take what small victories she could get.
Without resistance, she let the guards direct her into the cell immediately opposite the Cylon’s and didn’t bother to turn to face them as the door swished closed behind her.
Kara crossed to sit with her back to the wall.
As she eyed her new accommodations, she let her head settle back against the metal plating of the wall and felt the subtle thrum of the behemoth’s inner workings. The vibrations setup a discordant irritation in her teeth like a tune pitched just off key. And the smell… Kara’s nostrils flared. Maybe it was the crew or just that she was use to the slightly musty odor of the older battlestar, but Pegasus just smelt…wrong.
Observing through the transparent front of the cell the methodical pattern walked by the now two Marines assigned brig duty, she sensed again the turbulence beneath the smooth surface. Despite the tightly regulated order that suffused the ship, there was a discernible undercurrent that was pulling its people into a whirlpool of fanaticism. As Kara fingered the Captain’s pins on her collar it came to her that at the center of the vortex stood Admiral Cain.
With that new perception, Kara realized that her own recent thoughts and behavior had started to swirl into the same flow as the rest of Pegasus’ crew. Lee had tried to call her on it, asking before how she could just fall in line when the Pegasus’ commander planned on executing Helo and Tyrol. Kara had sloughed off his words at the time, the unfamiliar weight of the responsibilities as CAG distracting her from the reality of the power struggle between Cain, Adama and Roslin.
Starbuck surged to her feet, the need for motion overriding her decision to present a disinterested front to the guards. She began a restless stalking of the cell’s perimeter.
Again, it came back to the tall woman whose sharp gaze seemed to discern secrets Kara had kept safely hidden from everyone else. She refused to examine closer why she felt compelled to earn Cain’s respect and approval. The Admiral’s tact promise to arrange a rescue party back to Caprica had provided her with enough of a veil so as to not to have to delve further into her own conflicted feelings.
Well, the past hour had just swept her vision clear.
Now all she had to do was come up with a strategy that kept her from joining the Cylon in the nearest airlock.
Chapter Four
Kara quickly snapped to attention as Admiral Cain entered the cell. Keeping her gaze firmly over her commander’s shoulder, she rigidly waited, this moment like so many others in her past that it almost felt comfortable in its familiarity.
“What the hell were you doing, Captain?” Kara’s eyes flicked briefly to take in the anger that twitched at the older woman’s mouth before shifting forward again as Cain continued, “I told you to execute the prisoner, not assault one of my guards.”
Holding to her silence, Kara knew better than to try to explain. The Admiral wasn’t here looking for answers, she was here to punish. Stammered excuses would only made her look weak. So, even as Cain paced a slow circle around her, Kara held her tongue.
“I asked you a question, Captain.” The words were coldly spoken despite the heat of anger behind them.
This too followed the pattern. Demand an answer, just to have words to twist and denigrate. But it didn’t matter that she intimately recognized the game the Admiral was playing, and how it would end, Kara was obligated to take her turn now.
“Sir, I’m your CAG. I shoot Cylon bastards from the sky, not beaten prisoners in their cell,” she flatly said, adding another, “Sir,” on the end with the slightest of hesitations. She didn’t miss the micro-stiffening of Cain’s expression and knew a moment of satisfaction.
Can’t resist prodding ‘em can you, Thrace?
Moving into Kara’s personal space, “You’re an officer in the Colonial Fleet. You follow orders and that is all,” Cain snapped out. Kara found her eyes pulled to the dark ones, and only years of practice held her steady beneath the quelling glare.
“You wanted initiative, Sir, and that’s more than just blindly pulling the trigger. Any grunt can do that, Admiral. You want me to jump into a fire, I’ll do it but I’ll damned well grab a fire extinguisher on my way in.”
“Initiative?” Cain jeered. “I tell you not to flinch, and then you can’t even handle a simple order to shoot the enemy.”
“Shooting her would’ve been easy, Sir. It’s not doing so that’s hard. Doctor Baltar got usable intel from her once, and eliminating a source before a big mission’s stupid.” Kara inwardly cringed and cursed herself as she realized what she’d unintentionally insinuated. Hurrying to cover the poorly phrased comment, “After the Op, you still want her off the ship, I’ll line her up in an airlock and put one through the forehead and gladly hit the button. But now, Sir, now we might be able to use her.”
“Lieutenant Thorne already used the Cylon, and got nothing.”
Kara swallowed the nausea as Cain’s words confirmed she’d known what measures were being used on the prisoner, that she’d probably even suggested them. Hell, considering the crews’ general reluctance to do anything without the Admiral’s tacit approval, she’d possibly even ordered the assaults. The last veil of denial lifted from her eyes as Kara scrutinized the older woman. Cain’s hate toward the prisoner had a personal edge to it, and it was just as obvious that she wasn’t interested in considering the value the Cylon had as a military asset.
It was time to lay her hand down and hope it was enough.
“We think we’re too far out for the Cylon to download. But what if we’re wrong, Sir. If I had executed the prisoner and she resurrected…” she trailed off, letting Cain fill in the rest.
Kara saw the indecision in the dark eyes as the older woman took a deep breath. She continued before Cain could speak. “I destroy that ship, and the Cylon,” blonde head twitching toward the opposite cell, “won’t resurrect. Might make her more inclined to see things our way. If not,” with a nonchalant shrug, “bullets don’t rot. Plenty of time afterwards,” she said, pressing the point that it was only a delay of her orders.
Hands on hips, Cain turned to give the other cell’s occupant a hard stare. In profile, Kara could see the muscle’s of her jaw twitch as the Admiral ground her teeth. Keeping her expression neutral, Kara met the shadowed gaze as her commanding officer twisted back to face her.
“Fine… We wait until after,” Cain’s voice dropping now to a low warning, “then, you, Thrace, will do as ordered…and put that thing down. Have I made myself clear?”
“Yes, Sir,” Kara said, snapping her hand up into a parade-correct salute.
Cain negligently waved for the hatch to be opened and stepped through. Turning on her heel, “Attend to your other duties, Captain,” she said, then added, “and don’t disappoint me again.”
As Kara exited the cell, she caught the disgruntled look in the guard’s expression. Shifting her gaze to Cain’s, she saw the older woman’s features tighten as she, too, noticed the man’s look. The Admiral’s eyes narrowed, then shifted away as she said, “Dismissed,” and her long strides carried her from the brig.
Following at a more measured pace, Kara kept her shoulders back. When the hatch closed behind her, she felt the knot in her gut untwist with a lurch that altered her course to the nearest head.
Some minutes later, her rebellious stomach now tightly empty, she walked unsteadily to the sink and splashed water on her face. Raising her eyes to the mirror, Kara’s lip twisted in disgust at the hypocrite reflected back. Less than twelve hours from now she fully intended to follow orders and murder her commanding officer. And yet here she was, strangely thankful that she hadn’t had to kill the Cylon prisoner.
Letting the water trickle uncomfortably down her neck, Kara realized the difference.
She’d do as ordered…as long as it came from an Adama.
Chapter Five
Standing at the podium in her dress grays, Kara heard herself say that they were safer with Cain than without. She saw the look Adama gave her and refused to take back her words even as a voice within mocked them. Safe? No one had been safe with Helena Cain in charge, and yet…
Resuming her place among the honor-guard, she watched as the launch bay hatch closed, relief again suffusing her that the Old Man had not followed through with the execution command, after all. She didn’t know why he’d changed his mind, she was just grateful he had. Of course, the escape of the Cylon prisoner and subsequent murder of Admiral Cain had removed the onus of two orders.
Kara stood staring sightlessly at the metal hatch after the assembled crew were dismissed. Her head bent as she rested hands on hips and tried to sort the roiling thoughts and emotions. Yellowed guilt, so familiar and easy to recognize, gripped her chest. If she’d been brave enough and defied Lee and just shot the skin-job when she’d had the chance, the Admiral-and two Marines-would still be alive. Once again she’d let her emotions keep her from doing her job…and again people had died.
Pinching the bridge of her nose, she tried to identify the other feelings that held her jaw clamped painfully tight. There were violet-hued streaks of regret within the starburst, too. A dead Cain meant no rescue mission back to Caprica, leaving her foresworn with a bitter undercurrent of anger at Adama and Roslin.
She refused to give the swirl of blue-loss and jade-envy more than a passing thought, knowing that she’d been swayed by a few days of Cain’s approval and not inclined to consider into why its absence hurt. It was enough of a reason that the Admiral’s propensity to action had found a matching canvas in Starbuck.
And then there was the backdrop to the whole mottled mural: the grey-irony that the Cylon lived and a Colonial Officer floated out the airlock instead.
Kara reached up and unbuttoned the uniform’s flap, finding it suddenly difficult to breath in the high-necked tunic as a place within her bled crimson from conflicting imperatives.
As she turned from the silent metal hatch that held no secret to untwisting the moral morass of the past few days, Kara decided to go find Lee. Since his release from sickbay this morning, she’d barely seen him, let alone had time for them to speak in private. And the way he’d avoided her eyes throughout the ceremony had sent a warning jangle along nerves already strung taut.
She needed to talk with him. He’d make sense of this smeared mess.
Lee always had the answers.
Summary: Set during the Pegasus arc, Cain gives Kara an order to execute
Characters: Kara, Lee, with Cain, Shaw, Gaius & Gina.
Pairings: Kara/Lee
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Cursing, adult themes including some discussion of torture and rape
Title, Author and URL of original story: The Enemy Within by Sci-Fi-Shipper at http://sci-fi-shipper.livejournal.com/11614.html
Beta Thanks: SLPspank -Sooo much appreciate the objective eye!
Author Notes/Disclaimer: This is not my house, RDM just lets me play here.
Chapter One
Exiting Admiral Cain’s quarters, Kara halted in the deserted hallway as the hatch slid shut behind her, separating her from the superior officer she would soon assassinate.
The last seventy-two hours had canted her universe as radically as the fall of the Twelve Colonies. First, being reassigned to the Pegasus, then the unauthorized Blackbird foray, followed by a near duel between the two battlestars over Cain’s execution order of Helo and the Chief. But it was the directive from the Old Man that had truly set her ideology askew.
‘I want you to pull out your weapon…and shoot Admiral Cain in the head.’
Kara closed her eyes, a shiver coursing through her as the flatly spoken command again slicked a chill along her spine. Wetting dry lips, she jammed the dread into a nook to grapple with later. She had a more immediate issue, an order she’d just been given by the Admiral at the conclusion of their most recent strategy session.
Since returning yesterday from briefing Commander Adama on the plan to destroy the Cylon Resurrection Ship, she, Admiral Cain and Captain Kendra Shaw had been hammering out the final logistics of the mission. The Admiral had seemed impressed with the Op she and Lieutenant Adama had devised, but it had taken multiple meetings since to satisfy Cain that they had all their contingency plans in place.
In addition, each session had turned inevitably to talk of returning to Caprica and the other Colonies. And, as eager as she was to lead a rescue to retrieve Sam and the others stranded on the Cylon-infested planet, Kara was aware of the vast difficulties involved; Adama and Roslin had made them abundantly clear. But, listening now to Cain’s talk of not just a quick hit and run, but of her intentions to liberate all of their homes and utterly destroy the enemy, Starbuck’s blood thrummed a war-beat in her ears.
And yet…
Worrying her lower lip, Kara felt doubts creep in again now that she had left the sphere of Cain’s mesmeric confidence. She’d seen enough first hand to know that two battlestars weren’t capable of taking on the entire Cylon fleet, yet that certainly appeared to be what the Admiral had in mind. Maybe not head on. Not in a single confrontation. But even if Pegasus and Galactica worked in unison on coordinated ambushes, the odds were still astronomical. With no reinforcements, no station to dry-dock and repair damage between fights, it wouldn’t be long before both ships literally buckled beneath the repeated pounding they were bound to take.
…and then there was the civilian fleet to consider.
Commander Adama’s standard operating plan had always been to delay the Cylon attack force to buy time for the more vulnerable ships of the fleet to jump to safety. If both battlestars were engaging in regular strikes against the enemy, who was going to protect the remainder of humanity that huddled in the many unarmed transports?
She had asked the Admiral once about that-and hadn’t brought the subject up again after receiving a brow-lowered glare and Cain’s ‘Not your concern, Captain.’ The rebuke, so reminiscent of her mother’s responses, had been enough to silence her protest.
Kara pinched the bridge of her nose, the beginnings of a headache pressing on her sinuses.
Frak. Who am I kidding?!
It was all a moot point. There’d be no rescue mission back to Caprica once Admiral Cain was dead. As bitter as that truth tasted, Kara knew why Adama and Roslin had chosen to run when faced with the Cylon fleet at Ragnor Station. And, as much as it twisted her gut to admit, the war was no more a winning proposition now then it had been those months ago.
Kara abruptly realized that the reason she’d paused outside the Admiral’s hatch had nothing to do with the possible mission back to Caprica. She’d been delaying, subconsciously diverting herself from confronting Cain’s parting order for Kara to personally execute the Cylon prisoner in the brig below.
She swallowed repeatedly to moisten a throat gone dry as the Admiral’s order again echoed in her ears. What she had to do was simple really. Kill the prisoner. Kill the enemy. It was what she trained for after all, what she’d been doing for so many long months now. What difference did it really make if she did it sighting through the canopy of a Viper or down the barrel of a pistol? The Cylon was dead either way.
Mentally shaking off the vines of irresolution that had held her, Starbuck turned to stalk off in the direction of the Pegasus’ brig.
She had orders to execute.
One at a time.
Chapter Two
Standing now outside the Cylon’s cell, Starbuck scowled as she watched Gaius Baltar try to coax the Six into taking a piece of fruit he held on an outstretched palm. Kara grimly wondered how many of the civilian ships of the fleet had any access to fresh produce, but then her eyes narrowed as she noted the way the green BDUs hung on the too thin frame and accentuated the way the prisoner hunched in on herself. Extensive bruising encircled the Cylon woman’s wrists and ankles, and other glimpsed wounds made it apparent that she had been aggressively interrogated.
Since coming aboard Pegasus, Kara had heard the rumors of torture and abuse…then what had happened with Sharon on Galactica had given them a basis in fact. Yet seeing the physical evidence in person was a disturbing reminder of her own turn as an interrogator. At the time, she’d shoved down the conflicting emotions her session with Leoben had stirred, but they returned now as she watched the prisoner flinch when Gaius took a step closer.
Starbuck felt the black-clad guard at her side shift and glanced over at him, catching the slight leer and nasty glint in the man’s gaze as he turned from watching the prisoner to meet her regard.
“She give you much trouble?” she asked nonchalantly, swinging fully to face the lanky Marine.
“Not since Lieutenant Thorne broke her to the saddle.” The twist of the Corporal’s lips abruptly dropped at her withering look and he quickly came to attention with a hastily tacked on, “Sir.
“The saddle?” she asked, repulsively aware of what the guard probably meant, yet the implication was sickening and she couldn’t choke back her negating question, grasping for some other interpretation.
“Yeah, you know. We ride her lik-”
“Shut your frakkin’ mouth,” Starbuck snarled, cutting him off as she surged in close. The young Marine, though some five inches taller, took a half step back, bravado quickly deflating on finding himself the focus of a glare so filled with sudden loathing.
“It-it was orders-I didn’t-I jus-”
The crack of the open-handed slap was shockingly loud, reverberating off the metal walls. Shock paled the man’s face, making the red imprint on his cheek that much more vivid.
“Told you to shut the hell up!” Kara’s palm stung and fingers ached from the tight fists she now held rigidly at her sides, only just restraining the urge to do more to this…this…
“You like following orders, soldier? Then keep your damned trap closed and give me your frakkin’ key card,” she snapped out instead.
“Wh-” He wisely clamped his jaw on the barely formed question and reluctantly pulled the cell key from his uniform pocket, holding it out to her and hastily dropping his hand as the square of coded plastic was snatched from his grasp.
“Now get outta my sight,” she said, voice menacingly low.
As his eyes moved from the cell to the exit hatch and back to her, she could read the conflict in his expression. He’d face a severe penalty if the Admiral determined that he’d abandoned his post, but he was also facing charges of refusing a direct order if he didn’t. The contempt in her glare jolted him into motion and he edged around her.
Not bothering to turn to watch his retreat, Starbuck waited until she heard the double hiss of the exit hatch as it opened and then closed before swinging back to face the cell.
She caught the contemplative look on Baltar’s face. Unable to hear what had passed between her and the guard, he was undoubtedly curious. Well, she wasn’t about to indulge him with an explanation. Speaking of which, why the hell was he alone in the cell with an unrestrained Cylon prisoner? With an impatient shake of the head, she shoved the question aside. It didn’t matter, not anymore at least.
Pulling her sidearm from its holster, she swiped the key card with the other and stepped cautiously back from the door as it slid open.
“Out, Doc,” Starbuck ordered, voice neutral as she kept the pistol leveled on the Cylon where she stood, back pressed to the far wall.
“Lieutenant Thrace, I don’t-” Baltar started to protest as he moved into her line of fire.
“Shit, Gaius, get outta the way!” she snapped out, moving to the side to get a clear bead on the prisoner again. “And get your ass outta there, right frakkin’ now!”
An urge to just shoot them both flickered through her as the man still hesitated. If he was taking a ‘turn’ with the prisoner he damn well deserved one between the eyes. But the impulse passed as she noted the defensive way he tried again to come between her and the Cylon. And moreover, the brutalized woman didn’t seem to fear Gaius now, there was only despair in the wounded eyes as they locked on hers over his shoulder.
The echoes of agony reflected in the washed-out blue gaze was enough to make Kara falter, her hand unconsciously lowering. Hands partially raised, Gaius sidled forward, halting just inside the open hatch.
“What’s this about, Lieutenant?” he asked, and Kara noted the sweat glistening on his high forehead and upper lip.
“It’s Captain now,” she automatically corrected, “and I have orders to put her-it-down. So just step out and let me get this over with.” Her focus was back on the prisoner and she’d leveled the gun again, not trusting the Cylon now that it knew what was to come.
“No. No, you can’t. The Admiral sa-”
“The Admiral’s given the order. She wants this thing gone.”
Before he could protest further, the Six moved from her place over to the side so Kara’s line of fire was unhindered.
“I’m ready,” the low voice said. “Do it.”
“Right.” Starbuck’s hand firmed on the pistol as she sighted on the center of the Cylon’s chest.
Several things happened with such speed that they blurred together: Gaius started forward-a protest half spoken even as a hand from behind Kara descended on her outstretched arm, swiftly forcing it down and stripping the gun in one fluid motion, then a second hand hit the emergency override button, causing the cell door to sweep closed…with Baltar barely avoiding getting cleaved as he cleared its path.
Starbuck instinctively twisted and struck out, fist connecting with Lee’s jaw before she’d even recognized him.
“Damn, Kara, stop!” Lee said as he caught his balance against the corner of the door with his free hand.
“What the hell?” she yelled, then took a breath and held out her palm. “Lee, give me my gun,” she demanded, consternation and anger tearing her between averting her head from his scowl and following up with another punch to wipe away the familiar disapproval.
“What are you doing, Kara? You’re going to shoot an unarmed prisoner?!”
“Just following orders. You remember those, Lieutenant?” she bit back, emphasizing his new rank.
“Orders? Whose? Because this isn-”
“Whose do you think? Admiral Cain’s, of course.” Her eyes flitted to the side where Gaius stood uncertainly watching them. Then she grabbed Lee’s elbow and tugged him several strides down the corridor, and in a lowered hiss, “What? You think he ordered this, too?” she asked, knowing that Lee would understand the who.
He shook her hand loose and opened his mouth to reply, but the harsh buzz of the brig’s wall phone preempted him.
After flitting a glare from Lee to Gaius, she turned and quickly covered the distance, lifting the receiver on an inhale.
“Brig, report!” Admiral Cain’s voice demanded, loud enough that Kara was certain both men behind her could easily hear.
“Starbuck here,” she automatically answered, then grimaced, knowing that she should have used her rank in this instance. She had to start wrapping her mind around the fact that she was the CAG now, and that took precedence over her status as the fleet’s top Viper jock.
“I’m showing an emergency lockdown, Captain,” the Admiral said, obviously noting her lapse. “Give me a Sitrep!”
At a glance back at her avid audience, an explanation presented itself.
“The civilian, Doctor Baltar, accidently leaned on the override, Sir,” she lied, taking a small satisfaction at the outraged expression that reddened Gaius’ face. “I was just removing him from the Cylon’s cell, Admiral,” she added.
“Understood,” There was a long pause on the other end, but then Cain’s voice chilled as it lowered. “See to your duties, Captain.”
Kara’s head twitched back as the click of the connection ending struck her as a slap. White knuckles gripped the handset before she took a breath and returned the receiver to the wall mount, and only then swiveled to face the two anxious men.
She gave Gaius a cold stare. “Doctor Baltar, you need to leave.” Then, turning without waiting to see if he obeyed, her eyes narrowed on Lee where he stood with her service pistol still held at his side. “Don’t know what you’re doing here, Lee, but you heard the Admiral. I’ve got duties, so just give me back my gun and go,” she said, moving forward with her hand held out expectantly.
With a hint of reproach, “I was just checking on Tyrol and Helo,” he said, hitching a thumb toward a side corridor leading to more cells, “when I heard you.”
Kara’s eyes flicked the way he’d pointed and a spasm of guilt tightened her chest. She’d meant to come down and see them, see if she could get them anything, but there always seemed to be something else that needed doing first. Well, it didn’t matter. After tomorrow’s mission-and the black op-they should be safe, she thought, trying to reassure herself.
Pushing the concern for the pair aside with an awkward shrug, she resolutely pulled her focus back to the current impasse.
“Lee, this isn’t yo-”
“You can’t do this, Kara. It’s wrong,” Lee cut her off, voice firm, but she saw the hesitation in his eyes now. As he shifted the gun further from reach, her frustration boiled up again. He had the gall to pull this crap on her? Especially knowing about the other order she’d been given-by the Old Man, no less?
Stepping half a pace back, she gave him a blatantly contemptuous once over before saying, “Wrong?” She gave a headshake in disbelief. “Riiiiight, coming from you, that’s a joke. As I remember it, you were all for shooting a Cylon prisoner when it was Sharon. So what’s changed, Lee? Cause that,” with a negligent wave towards the figure on the other side of the barrier, “is just another frakkin’ Cylon.”
Lee tucked the gun into his waistband at the small of his back and stepped into her, lightly gripping Kara’s biceps as he held her resentful gaze.
“I was wrong then,” he said, “and you are now. Look, you stopped me, now let me do the same for you.”
“For me?” Her eyebrows rose as she pulled from his grasp. “You think you’re doing this to what…save me, huh, Lee?” A grimace twisted her mouth. “I’m following orders, like you’re always telling me to.”
“Not this, Kara. It’s an illegal order.”
“Killing the enemy’s illegal? What text books you been reading, cause I’m pretty sure that’s our job description. So, just go. Leave me to do mine.”
“No, you can’t…” trailing off, Lee rubbed at his eyebrow. “Look, Cain’s just testing you. You don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand? That’s rich, even for you.”
“Captain, I think you really should-” Gaius started, only to break off as Kara and Lee both turned on him with fierce scowls. “Nevermind, I’ll…I’ll just wait over there.” He gave a vague waved in the opposite direction from the pair and retreated a few steps.
Crossing her arms, Starbuck paced away from both men, shooting Gaius a frown as she realized he hadn’t left as ordered and was obviously taking in their whispered byplay with a desperate intensity she found perplexing. She didn’t have time to ponder why he was so bent on protecting the Cylon woman. But, Kara was again reminded that she had to be circumspect about what she said.
With her back to them, she paused, scrubbing at her face as she fought to regain her balance. Lee always did this to her. Twisted her with his over-thinking. She didn’t need this crap. Not now. Not this close to the mission.
It should be simple. Execute the prisoner-the enemy. And the clincher-the Cylon was all for it-wanted the hell out of here. And yet Lee was trying to tell her that she shouldn’t even though he was willing to back her on killing a superior officer-another human.
She shook her head in disbelief.
This is frakkin’ ridiculous!
Spinning back to confront Lee, she stalked in close, voice pitched to a low murmur, “You know my orders, what I have to do. Yet you have a problem with this, Lee?” she demanded, jabbing a finger back toward the cell. “Well, get a clue, cause you’re right. Cain’s testing me. And if I don’t do this-don’t follow her orders in this-you think she’s just going to go ‘Well, that’s ok, Captain. Don’t worry about it’,” she mocked, then pushed to within inches of him as her voice dropped to a whisper she was sure couldn’t be overheard, “No. She’ll replace me. Probably stick me in the same cell.” Hands on hips, Starbuck tilted her head defiantly. “And I won’t be there when the Old Man calls.” She let the bitter anger surface as she taunted, “So, come on, Lee. What the frak am I suppose to do, huh?”
“Gods, Kara, I don’t know,” he said, distress drawing horizontal lines across his brow. Her eyes were caught by the flexing of the muscle along his jaw. Then he muttered, “I’ll do it.”
“What?” she asked, not sure what he’d meant, that she’d even heard him correctly.
“I said I’d do it.”
“You?” Nonplused, “You’re going to shoot the prisoner?” she demanded, searching Lee’s face, seeing a resolve harden his expression.
“No.”
“Then what-”
“I’ll do the other thing. It should be me anyway. I outrank you. Or, I use to,” he faltered briefly before adding, “It should’ve been me he asked.”
Kara rocked back, shaking her head. He didn’t…he couldn’t mean what she thought.
“Lee, no.”
He continued as if he hadn’t heard her, “If you can’t, then I’ll do it,” the spoken words were devoid of emotion and this time he was the one to turn away.
She reached out and yanked him around by the shoulder. “You don’t know if you can even get close. It won’t work,” her words a harsh whisper.
“I’ll make it work,” though she was barely able to hear his low promise, they carried a conviction she couldn’t doubt. “Kara, trust me on this. I’ll find a way if the order comes down.”
Lee was willing to do it. Willing to take the lead in an act that she knew he considered a betrayal to his oath and everything that he stood for. Why? She didn’t understand why he’d rather face being a traitor to his principles verses just letting her execute the Cylon prisoner.
Kara bent her head, fingers hard against her forehead as she tried to massage some sense into her thoughts. The headache now pressed in on her, making it even more difficult to understand Lee’s issue with this whole frakkin’ mess. She grimaced. She knew she was tired, the quarters weren’t that much different from Galactica’s, but…well, her bunk was newer, and a hell of a lot softer than her old one, but it wasn’t hers. Between the constant tossing to get comfortable and the familiar-and yet palpably different-sounds of the her bunkmates, Kara’s sleep had been far from restful.
And now she had to deal with Lee on top of everything else.
Raising her head, she wearily searched his eyes.
“I don’t get it, Lee. Why’s this so important to you?” her voice distantly inquiring now. “What’s it matter if I shoot one more Cylon or not?”
“You’re important to me. Ok?” His free hand took hers and squeezed. “Shooting a helpless prisoner, one that’s been abused like she has, it’ll mess with you. I know you, Kara, and it’ll tear you up. You won’t admit it, but, before your gods, you know it’s wrong and it’ll eat at you. This execution has no purpose.”
Her eyes shifted away, but were pulled irresistibly back to his.
“So you think you’re saving me, saving my soul? Is that it, Lee? I thought you didn’t believe in the gods?” She half-heartedly tried to pull her hand free, but he held tight.
“I don’t-but you do.”
“Gods, Lee. What do you expect from me?” The anger was completely gone now, only an echo of frustration still laced her plea.
“Don’t do this. Promise me you won’t do this, Kara.” His hand released hers, but only so it could slide up and behind her neck, pulling her close so their foreheads touched. “Promise me.”
Hazel eyes locked to his azure ones. She swallowed protests and wet her lips to give the only answer she could to Lee Adama.
“I promise.”
Chapter Three
As the snick-snick-snick penetrated her pensive musings, it dawned on Kara that she was thumbing the snap open and closed on her left holster. Stilling her hand on the stiff flap, she sucked in her lower lip, worrying it as she realized that in the confrontation with Lee she’d totally forgotten that she’d had a second pistol the entire time. With a grimace, Kara shook her head. No. She hadn’t forgotten, she’d just subconsciously hadn’t wanted was to pull a gun on him.
More telling, Lee hadn’t immediately demanded her other weapon either, obviously knowing that he had to convince her or she’d simply get another and be back after he’d left.
And he had.
He’d left with only her assurance that she wouldn’t kill the prisoner.
Lee had accepted her promise and handed back her gun, watching silently as she shoved it home into the holster on her right hip. Then, with barely a glance at Baltar where he’d kept his silent position in front of the cell hatch, Lee had strode off, showing confidence in Kara’s word.
Now, some ten minutes later, Kara stood before the same cell and put her palm against the sealed door. Her gaze dropped to the deck plating as she tried to marshal some arguments that might-just possibly-convince the Admiral not to line her up right beside the Cylon and shoot them both at the same time.
As she lifted her eyes and saw the way Gaius was standing close to the prisoner and gesturing adamantly, it dawned on Kara that she probably shouldn’t have let him go back in. The Cylon wanted to die. She’d been pretty clear on that point. What better way to force her captors to kill her then to threaten the doctor.
Tapping a finger on her holster, Starbuck watched the woman in the cell vehemently shake her head at something Gaius had said. Maybe she could use this. Surely Lee would understand that she’d had to shoot the prisoner if the doctor was endangered. It probably wouldn’t take much to get the Cylon to provide the necessary excuse. Through narrowing eyes, she contemplated how to arrange it without Gaius guessing her intent. It wouldn’t work if he then blabbed to Lee that she’d set it up.
“Frak!” Smacking her palm against the transparent barrier, Starbuck shoved off and twisted away. She didn’t want this. None of it. Put her in a Viper with a clean shot at a Raider and she’d blast the frakker from space with an exhilarated shout. But this skulking about...
She couldn’t do it.
She’d made Lee a promise and he’d never forgive-or trust-her again. But what the hell was she going to do, Cain wouldn’t let this go. The Admiral would see that she’d flinched and yank her so fast that she’d have set a new record for the shortest term as CAG.
Twisting back towards the pair that were staring out at her now, another thought came. If she could come up with the idea of using Baltar to force a confrontation, the Cylon woman was certainly capable of the same. A snap of the man’s neck was all it would take, and Kara was too far away to stop her.
Too far away…
She jerked as an idea came full circle.
Straightening, Starbuck pulled her sidearm again and swiped the door open. Both figures halted mid-sentence as she stepped across the threshold.
“You’re right, Doc. I can’t risk killing her,” the gun waved towards the prisoner, but Starbuck kept it aimed low, “can’t risk her downloading.”
“Right. Exactly,” Gaius said, relief sweeping his features. “Excellent point, Captain Thra-”
Cutting him off, “Fine. Whatever,” she said, eyes intent on the other woman. “You need to get the hell out, though, Doc.”
Gaius’ confusion was apparent as he shifted, twisting slightly towards the Cylon and gaze flickering between the two woman. Starbuck didn’t let her attention waver from the prisoner and she saw the moment of understanding sharpen the haunted eyes. Her own narrowed as she gave a nod.
“You try anything, and I’ll take out your kneecaps. The guards will have the same orders. Try to use him,” with a twitch of the head toward Baltar, “and we’ll shoot him first, then your kneecaps.” Again she nodded as the Cylon silently acknowledged the warning.
“But…but,” Gaius sputtered, shocked gaze flitting back and forth.
A shudder passed through the Cylon before her eyes dropped and she said, “I won’t harm him,” voice low and defeated.
Grimly looking between the two, Kara decided that the skin-job probably meant it and the way Gaius edged toward the woman, expression solicitous, he believed her, too.
She frowned, trying to decide if forcing him to leave was worth the effort now that she was assured that the Cylon didn’t pose a threat. And if she was going to press her idea with Cain, it might actually be better to let him remain.
“Doc, you heard the terms. You really staying?” He answered with a jerky nod, focused only on the Cylon woman as she withdrew into herself again.
Cautiously backing from the cell, Kara decided that they hadn’t done the skin-job any favors today. With a swipe of the key card, she locked the cell down even as the sheen of an associative shame made her shiver. She holstered the pistol and tried to swallow the bile that seemed a constant in her mouth since getting her orders from Commander Adama.
Kara scrubbed her palms along her side-seams, then turned to move further into the cell block, deciding it was time to pay a visit to Helo and the Chief, knowing that it might be her last chance-regardless of how things fell out in the next twenty-four hours.
But she’d left it too late.
The brig hatch at the end of the corridor hissed open and Kendra Shaw strode through, Marines flanking her with weapons at the ready. Starbuck halted, expression hardening as she saw the smug look on the guard she’d struck earlier. He’d obviously had carried tales to the Admiral. Letting her gaze shift, she saw Shaw purposefully turn to regard the still very much alive Cylon prisoner. As the brunette swiveled back to face her, Kara was surprised to note regret in the brown eyes and expression. Then the smaller woman’s features smoothed over into her usual mask of indifference.
“I’m to detain you, Captain Thrace, until Admiral Cain has time to review your…situation,” Shaw’s words were flatly spoken, no hint now of the brief flicker of discomfort of a moment ago.
Keeping her hands non-threatening out to her sides, Kara allowed the guards to remove her weapons even as her gaze held to Shaw’s. She was perplexed by the woman’s attitude. Why wasn’t she gloating? After all, the CIC officer’s subtle derision as she’d questioned every detail about the mission plan throughout their meetings together had set Kara’s teeth on edge for the past day.
Not like the frakkin’ button pusher knew a thing about real fighting.
Yet now, all Kara could read in the dark eyes was maybe a sad resignation.
Still silent, Shaw stepped forward with palm up.
As Starbuck pulled the key card from her pants pocket, the barest of smirks tugged at her lips as she extended it between two fingers rather than placing it on the outstretched hand.
“Right,” Kendra said as she gingerly took the card, obviously tensing for a possible attack. Starbuck’s smirk widened, satisfied at having goaded another response from the phlegmatic woman. At this point, she’d take what small victories she could get.
Without resistance, she let the guards direct her into the cell immediately opposite the Cylon’s and didn’t bother to turn to face them as the door swished closed behind her.
Kara crossed to sit with her back to the wall.
As she eyed her new accommodations, she let her head settle back against the metal plating of the wall and felt the subtle thrum of the behemoth’s inner workings. The vibrations setup a discordant irritation in her teeth like a tune pitched just off key. And the smell… Kara’s nostrils flared. Maybe it was the crew or just that she was use to the slightly musty odor of the older battlestar, but Pegasus just smelt…wrong.
Observing through the transparent front of the cell the methodical pattern walked by the now two Marines assigned brig duty, she sensed again the turbulence beneath the smooth surface. Despite the tightly regulated order that suffused the ship, there was a discernible undercurrent that was pulling its people into a whirlpool of fanaticism. As Kara fingered the Captain’s pins on her collar it came to her that at the center of the vortex stood Admiral Cain.
With that new perception, Kara realized that her own recent thoughts and behavior had started to swirl into the same flow as the rest of Pegasus’ crew. Lee had tried to call her on it, asking before how she could just fall in line when the Pegasus’ commander planned on executing Helo and Tyrol. Kara had sloughed off his words at the time, the unfamiliar weight of the responsibilities as CAG distracting her from the reality of the power struggle between Cain, Adama and Roslin.
Starbuck surged to her feet, the need for motion overriding her decision to present a disinterested front to the guards. She began a restless stalking of the cell’s perimeter.
Again, it came back to the tall woman whose sharp gaze seemed to discern secrets Kara had kept safely hidden from everyone else. She refused to examine closer why she felt compelled to earn Cain’s respect and approval. The Admiral’s tact promise to arrange a rescue party back to Caprica had provided her with enough of a veil so as to not to have to delve further into her own conflicted feelings.
Well, the past hour had just swept her vision clear.
Now all she had to do was come up with a strategy that kept her from joining the Cylon in the nearest airlock.
Chapter Four
Kara quickly snapped to attention as Admiral Cain entered the cell. Keeping her gaze firmly over her commander’s shoulder, she rigidly waited, this moment like so many others in her past that it almost felt comfortable in its familiarity.
“What the hell were you doing, Captain?” Kara’s eyes flicked briefly to take in the anger that twitched at the older woman’s mouth before shifting forward again as Cain continued, “I told you to execute the prisoner, not assault one of my guards.”
Holding to her silence, Kara knew better than to try to explain. The Admiral wasn’t here looking for answers, she was here to punish. Stammered excuses would only made her look weak. So, even as Cain paced a slow circle around her, Kara held her tongue.
“I asked you a question, Captain.” The words were coldly spoken despite the heat of anger behind them.
This too followed the pattern. Demand an answer, just to have words to twist and denigrate. But it didn’t matter that she intimately recognized the game the Admiral was playing, and how it would end, Kara was obligated to take her turn now.
“Sir, I’m your CAG. I shoot Cylon bastards from the sky, not beaten prisoners in their cell,” she flatly said, adding another, “Sir,” on the end with the slightest of hesitations. She didn’t miss the micro-stiffening of Cain’s expression and knew a moment of satisfaction.
Can’t resist prodding ‘em can you, Thrace?
Moving into Kara’s personal space, “You’re an officer in the Colonial Fleet. You follow orders and that is all,” Cain snapped out. Kara found her eyes pulled to the dark ones, and only years of practice held her steady beneath the quelling glare.
“You wanted initiative, Sir, and that’s more than just blindly pulling the trigger. Any grunt can do that, Admiral. You want me to jump into a fire, I’ll do it but I’ll damned well grab a fire extinguisher on my way in.”
“Initiative?” Cain jeered. “I tell you not to flinch, and then you can’t even handle a simple order to shoot the enemy.”
“Shooting her would’ve been easy, Sir. It’s not doing so that’s hard. Doctor Baltar got usable intel from her once, and eliminating a source before a big mission’s stupid.” Kara inwardly cringed and cursed herself as she realized what she’d unintentionally insinuated. Hurrying to cover the poorly phrased comment, “After the Op, you still want her off the ship, I’ll line her up in an airlock and put one through the forehead and gladly hit the button. But now, Sir, now we might be able to use her.”
“Lieutenant Thorne already used the Cylon, and got nothing.”
Kara swallowed the nausea as Cain’s words confirmed she’d known what measures were being used on the prisoner, that she’d probably even suggested them. Hell, considering the crews’ general reluctance to do anything without the Admiral’s tacit approval, she’d possibly even ordered the assaults. The last veil of denial lifted from her eyes as Kara scrutinized the older woman. Cain’s hate toward the prisoner had a personal edge to it, and it was just as obvious that she wasn’t interested in considering the value the Cylon had as a military asset.
It was time to lay her hand down and hope it was enough.
“We think we’re too far out for the Cylon to download. But what if we’re wrong, Sir. If I had executed the prisoner and she resurrected…” she trailed off, letting Cain fill in the rest.
Kara saw the indecision in the dark eyes as the older woman took a deep breath. She continued before Cain could speak. “I destroy that ship, and the Cylon,” blonde head twitching toward the opposite cell, “won’t resurrect. Might make her more inclined to see things our way. If not,” with a nonchalant shrug, “bullets don’t rot. Plenty of time afterwards,” she said, pressing the point that it was only a delay of her orders.
Hands on hips, Cain turned to give the other cell’s occupant a hard stare. In profile, Kara could see the muscle’s of her jaw twitch as the Admiral ground her teeth. Keeping her expression neutral, Kara met the shadowed gaze as her commanding officer twisted back to face her.
“Fine… We wait until after,” Cain’s voice dropping now to a low warning, “then, you, Thrace, will do as ordered…and put that thing down. Have I made myself clear?”
“Yes, Sir,” Kara said, snapping her hand up into a parade-correct salute.
Cain negligently waved for the hatch to be opened and stepped through. Turning on her heel, “Attend to your other duties, Captain,” she said, then added, “and don’t disappoint me again.”
As Kara exited the cell, she caught the disgruntled look in the guard’s expression. Shifting her gaze to Cain’s, she saw the older woman’s features tighten as she, too, noticed the man’s look. The Admiral’s eyes narrowed, then shifted away as she said, “Dismissed,” and her long strides carried her from the brig.
Following at a more measured pace, Kara kept her shoulders back. When the hatch closed behind her, she felt the knot in her gut untwist with a lurch that altered her course to the nearest head.
Some minutes later, her rebellious stomach now tightly empty, she walked unsteadily to the sink and splashed water on her face. Raising her eyes to the mirror, Kara’s lip twisted in disgust at the hypocrite reflected back. Less than twelve hours from now she fully intended to follow orders and murder her commanding officer. And yet here she was, strangely thankful that she hadn’t had to kill the Cylon prisoner.
Letting the water trickle uncomfortably down her neck, Kara realized the difference.
She’d do as ordered…as long as it came from an Adama.
Chapter Five
Standing at the podium in her dress grays, Kara heard herself say that they were safer with Cain than without. She saw the look Adama gave her and refused to take back her words even as a voice within mocked them. Safe? No one had been safe with Helena Cain in charge, and yet…
Resuming her place among the honor-guard, she watched as the launch bay hatch closed, relief again suffusing her that the Old Man had not followed through with the execution command, after all. She didn’t know why he’d changed his mind, she was just grateful he had. Of course, the escape of the Cylon prisoner and subsequent murder of Admiral Cain had removed the onus of two orders.
Kara stood staring sightlessly at the metal hatch after the assembled crew were dismissed. Her head bent as she rested hands on hips and tried to sort the roiling thoughts and emotions. Yellowed guilt, so familiar and easy to recognize, gripped her chest. If she’d been brave enough and defied Lee and just shot the skin-job when she’d had the chance, the Admiral-and two Marines-would still be alive. Once again she’d let her emotions keep her from doing her job…and again people had died.
Pinching the bridge of her nose, she tried to identify the other feelings that held her jaw clamped painfully tight. There were violet-hued streaks of regret within the starburst, too. A dead Cain meant no rescue mission back to Caprica, leaving her foresworn with a bitter undercurrent of anger at Adama and Roslin.
She refused to give the swirl of blue-loss and jade-envy more than a passing thought, knowing that she’d been swayed by a few days of Cain’s approval and not inclined to consider into why its absence hurt. It was enough of a reason that the Admiral’s propensity to action had found a matching canvas in Starbuck.
And then there was the backdrop to the whole mottled mural: the grey-irony that the Cylon lived and a Colonial Officer floated out the airlock instead.
Kara reached up and unbuttoned the uniform’s flap, finding it suddenly difficult to breath in the high-necked tunic as a place within her bled crimson from conflicting imperatives.
As she turned from the silent metal hatch that held no secret to untwisting the moral morass of the past few days, Kara decided to go find Lee. Since his release from sickbay this morning, she’d barely seen him, let alone had time for them to speak in private. And the way he’d avoided her eyes throughout the ceremony had sent a warning jangle along nerves already strung taut.
She needed to talk with him. He’d make sense of this smeared mess.
Lee always had the answers.