Starring the Baby-sitters Club! Part 2!
Hey, lovelies! I've been feeling productive lately for a miraculous change and just had to work on a snark. I think it's because I finally made a playlist of all my fave songs and listening to good music always puts me in a working mood. And I gotta say, this book is a lot funnier than I remember. I used to love it for the theater angle but now I love it's what the fuckery and schadenfreude. I would dare to say this is my favorite Super Special. Even if it does have a lot of Dawn in it. At least she's not being her usual shrill self. She's annoying but not intolerable. Well, Let's go!
Part 1!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6! Cokie!
Showing more fairness than I'd expect from a BSC member, Jessi asks Cokie to take notes on her experience for the school newspaper article. If it'd been K Ron, she'd ask everyone but Cokie for their notes. Cokie only agrees to it because of the free publicity and calls Jessi a twerp in her notes. She also says she's practically the star and I've been rolling my eyes at that for 25 years. Cokie is in class, kissing her ass about how she and Grace duped the teachers into giving them more classes together. That shit wouldn't have flown in my middle school. A girl named Ellie Szilagyi (?!) passes her a note saying the cast list has been announced. She passes the note to Grace and they get their things organized so they can be the first out the classroom.
When the bell rings they run out and find the list. Grace searches for Tiger Lily because Cokie is too nervous. Grace announces she got the part and Cokie squeals in delight. She checks out the rest of the cast and sees K Ron got Peter and Dawn got Wendy. Cokie wants to gloat about it but can't since Dawn got a leading role. What about you being the star, Cokie? How soon we forget. Claudia comes up and sees that Stacey and Sam are playing Mrs and Mr Darling and when she tells K Ron she'll be playing Peter, Cokie rightfully calls her a brat for complaining. Claudia announces the other parts including Jackie as Michael, Alan as Smee, David M as a Lost Boy, Pete as Nana and the crocodile, and Nyogtha, The Thing Which Should Not Be as Tinkerbell. Man, Grace said K Ron always gets her way so you can imagine how she would feel about Karen.
Cokie tells Claudia to let someone else have a look at the list and Claudia says she should look at the second page. Cokie looks but sees it's the stage crew and says they're unimportant. Then she sees that Claudia is in charge of sets and Mallory is assistant costume designer. Because everyone hates Mal, Cokie threatens her that she'd better do a good job on her costume or else. Claudia tells her to leave her alone and Cokie turns on her saying she'd better do a good job on the sets too. Claudia tells her to shut up but Cokie notes that she looks a little worried.
Chapter 7! Claudia!
Claudia writes terrible notes about how everyone got to be in the play but they didn't all get the parts they wanted. She actually says Stacey didn't want to be Sam's 'husband'. God, she's stupid. At a club meeting, they're all trying to figure out how to congratulate K Ron without upsetting Jessi. K Ron meanwhile, is uncharacteristically bemused at her part as Peter Pan. She says she doesn't have any experience and Jessi mutters 'I'll say'. Oh, shut up, Ramsey. You don't have any acting or singing experience either. K Ron changes the subject by saying Karen's 'flitting' paid off and got her the role of Tinkerbell. Flitting. That's the word they decided to go with for throwing tantrums. I hate Ann so much.
Dawn sighs because no one's paying her any attention and says she doesn't know about playing Wendy. Claudia and Mal say they don't know about they jobs either and Jessi explodes at them. She tells them the all did better than they tried out for (except Mal, of course) so why are they bitching. Annnnd...I'm kinda on Jessi's side. I mean look, this play is gonna be mainly BSC members. Out of all the main cast, three people are not associated with them (Hook, Smee and John). They are, as per usual, the center of the Goddamn universe. I can see being worried about getting a bigger part than expected, but to be bitching about it in front of Jessi is a tad insensitive. Even though she's at fault too. Mainly I just want them all to shut up.
But of course, Jessi being a BSC member has to shit on any sympathy I might have for her by saying she's not gonna play some 'puny pirate role' and dropped out of the play. She further lies that Mr Cheney begged her not to go. She says he asked her to stay on as assistant choreographer. Mal asks her if she asked him why he didn't give her the part of Peter and she says 'He said he wanted other kids to have a chance to perform. He said I’ve had a lot of starring roles already. He said...um, he said I’m too good for the part...Yeah, that’s what he said' because that's not an obvious lie. Seriously, they should have all started laughing at her and throwing things at her. Stacey tells her Mr Cheney was just being fair in giving other kids a chance and Jessi just snorts which makes K Ron tell her to be quiet, she sounds like a horse. Somehow, Mallory doesn't start screeching like a banshee and try to mount Jessi.
Chapter 8! Mary Anne!
Mary Anne is sitting for the Babadooks and needs to take them to rehearsal. At SMS (why isn't the play taking place at SHS?) Haley asks Mary Anne to come with them backstage. And Mary Anne, being an absolute tit, thinks that's crazy. But of course she goes with them because she's their babysitter. She goes with them but she's a nervous wreak because her anxiety would give mine a run for its money. Like yeah, I don't like being the center of attention but I know going backstage has nothing to do with acting in the play. She even thinks it was brave of her to come to the auditions because it was near the stage. How?! How does she function?! I mean, she was planning on going to the play! She's been to Jessi's performances! How come she doesn't panic then? Oh, because Ann sucks at writing and consistency.
Well, Mary Anne may be a tit but she does score some points when Jackie comes up to her confused about where to go and says he doesn't want to brag about having a big role and Mary Anne tells him he should be proud of it. Now that's sensitivity! She gets him sorted out and helps Ms Halliday when the kids start asking questions. When she's done doing that, she hears Jackie say oops. She finds him hanging from some of the ropes holding up the sets and asks him how he got up there. She says he got bored and went exploring but now Mr Cheney is talking to his group and he needs to get back. Mary Anne takes some tumbling mats and Jackie jumps down onto them. When they turn around, Mr Cheney is standing there. Jackie backs up and trips but jumps right up saying he's okay.
Mr Cheney asks Mary Anne if she knows Jackie and she says yes. She explains to him that he's a little accident prone but a good kid and really wants to be in the play. Before he can say anything, Karen comes up and asks Mary Anne to help her find her shoe. Mary Anne is like 'It's right over there, stupid' and Karen runs off. Mary Anne tries to cover for Jackie again when Matt and Haley come up needing help. Mr Cheney tells Mary Anne to talk to him after rehearsal and she says okay. Mary Anne says normally she'd be worried but she's so busy helping the kids out she doesn't have time to. After the rehearsal, Mr Cheney asks her how she'd like to be a backstage babysitter and help out with the kids. She agrees of course because babysitting is life. He also asks if she would be Jackie's personal coach and she says she will with no bitching! What a surprise!
Chapter 9! Mallory!
Mallory is her usual delusional self by saying when she was made assistant costume designer she thought she'd be 'sitting in a room somewhere backstage, surrounded by lengths of fabric, yards of lace, containers of sequins and beads. I would be seated at an ancient Singer sewing machine, piecing together a costume that I would later cover with sequins, sewn on by hand'. I don't think Mal knows how long hand sewing takes. Especially since the only costume that would logically have sequins on it would be the crocodile's which would take approximately five millennia to cover in sequins. Mal is kinda an idiot.
But Friday comes along and she finds that her first assignment is to measure the cast. Even the boys. She quietly shits herself and thinks about having to touch a boy and wonders what Sam would think of Mallory Pike stretching a measuring tape around his waist. Probably not much. If anything he'd just think 'That's one ugly kid' because Ann hates her. She tells Savannah Minton, the head costumer, that hey, how 'bout I measure all the girls and you measure all the boys? Savannah, who is probably not an idiot but this is SMS so who knows, asks her why. Mal is just like hur de dur and Savannah tells her to get to work. Mallory checks her list and sees she has to measure Dawn, Jackie, Karen, Alan, Cokie and a guy named Lucas who's playing Hook. Here's a question to all you lucky gals with theater experience. Does this happen? Does a company make every costume from scratch? They say things like Hook's costume is complex. That seems like a rental. And all this seems to take place over the course of maybe a month. It just seems like a lot of work in very little time.
Not knowing who Lucas is, Mal finds K Ron rehearsing with Dawn and asks her if she knows him. She doesn't but Dawn says he's the hottest guy at SHS. This gets me curious about another thing too. Isn't Captain Hook and Mr Darling usually played by the same guy? Well, I guess we couldn't have Stacey acting with some rando (she'd probably fall in luv for one thing) so they throw that tradition out the window. Mallory shits her pampers again at the thought of measuring a hot guy. Tell Stacey to do it. I'll bet she'd be more than happy to get down on her knees in front of him. Putting off the task of touching a hot guy, Mal says she needs to measure Dawn. But before she does that, she spots Mary Anne with Margo in her lap. So, she abandons Dawn and goes to check on her. Mary Anne tells her Margo is fine, she just bumped her knee. Mal hangs around some more then goes back to Dawn.
Mal thinks she needs to measure Jackie next but he's rehearsing with Mary Anne so she looks for Karen. While looking for her, she spots the triplets in a cardboard box, shooting spitballs at people. She goes over to confront them but Mary Anne is right there telling her she'll take care of it. Savannah comes up to Mal and asks her if she ready for another list. Mal is like hur de dur and Savannah gets mad at her. She tears her list in half asking if she can handle Jackie and Karen. It would please me to no end if she gave her the bottom half and she had to measure Alan, Cokie and Lucas. Mallory is relieved even though she knows Savannah is mad at her. I kinda wonder what her dumb ass thought working on costumes entailed? Oh, yeah. Hand sewing. Mary Anne isn't happy with her either and reminds her she's the backstage babysitter. Ha ha! Sorry, I hate Mal in this book.
Chapter 10! Dawn!
Dawn has been thinking about the play and Wendy's role within. She says even for a play written in 1904, it's pretty sexist. I look it up and the woman's suffrage alliance was also started in 1904. So, it wouldn't have been too big a deal then, Schafer. On Saturday, Mary Anne is helping Dawn memorize her lines and Dawn gets all up her ass. And it's fucking hilarious. She even uses the line 'That's just like a man!' when Mary Anne points out Peter promised Wendy adventure. For someone who wanted to be a Native American princess because the costume was 'exotic' Dawn sure thinks highly of her ideals. Mary Anne is like 'Oi, this guy here' and tells Dawn to get a take a shit or get off the pot and Dawn decides to shit. All over the play.
At the next rehearsal, Mr Cheney calls K Ron and Dawn up to rehearse the shadow scene and Dawn changes her lines. She tells Peter sewing is easy and she'll show him how and Mr Cheney tells her to read her script if she'd unsure of her lines. They read some more and then Dawn says she'll be happy to come to Neverland and teach the Lost Boys to cook. Mr Cheney asks her what she'd doing and she says the script can do with an update. Before Mr Cheney can answer that, Cokie starts laughing at Dawn. She asks if she thinks equality mean women should fight in war and Dawn says there shouldn't be wars in the first place. I always thought that line was really lame hippy dippy gobbledegook. Also Dawn is against war? Dawn who picks fights with people more than any other BSC member? But think about it, folks. Since when does a BSC book have hypocrisy?
Mr Cheney tells Cokie to go away and Dawn to stick to the script. They practice some more and he tells K Ron to stop looking at her script and for Dawn to project. And I don't believe for a second that Dawn has trouble projecting. I always thought she had to be as big a loudmouth as K Ron. God only knows she screeches about meat and recycling loud enough. Cokie is still behind the curtain giggling and says 'Notice he never tells Kristy to project' which is fucking hilarious. She continues to crack me up when Dawn asks why Wendy can't teach Peter to sew and she says he doesn't have all night. Mr Cheney says Peter is just a boy which Dawn answers Wendy is just a girl. K Ron is like 'Oi, shut up, Dawn' and she does. Mr Cheney wants them to try the rest of the scene without their scripts but K Ron forgets her next line. Cokie says 'It’s a miracle. Kristy Thomas is speechless' which is fantastic! It's everywhere you want to be! I really like this Cokie. Too bad I hated her in the movie because she was that one hideous fucking actress. Dawn says she thought they'd get in trouble but instead Logan got kicked out of the play. What a boring exciting cliffhanger!
Part 1!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6! Cokie!
Showing more fairness than I'd expect from a BSC member, Jessi asks Cokie to take notes on her experience for the school newspaper article. If it'd been K Ron, she'd ask everyone but Cokie for their notes. Cokie only agrees to it because of the free publicity and calls Jessi a twerp in her notes. She also says she's practically the star and I've been rolling my eyes at that for 25 years. Cokie is in class, kissing her ass about how she and Grace duped the teachers into giving them more classes together. That shit wouldn't have flown in my middle school. A girl named Ellie Szilagyi (?!) passes her a note saying the cast list has been announced. She passes the note to Grace and they get their things organized so they can be the first out the classroom.
When the bell rings they run out and find the list. Grace searches for Tiger Lily because Cokie is too nervous. Grace announces she got the part and Cokie squeals in delight. She checks out the rest of the cast and sees K Ron got Peter and Dawn got Wendy. Cokie wants to gloat about it but can't since Dawn got a leading role. What about you being the star, Cokie? How soon we forget. Claudia comes up and sees that Stacey and Sam are playing Mrs and Mr Darling and when she tells K Ron she'll be playing Peter, Cokie rightfully calls her a brat for complaining. Claudia announces the other parts including Jackie as Michael, Alan as Smee, David M as a Lost Boy, Pete as Nana and the crocodile, and Nyogtha, The Thing Which Should Not Be as Tinkerbell. Man, Grace said K Ron always gets her way so you can imagine how she would feel about Karen.
Cokie tells Claudia to let someone else have a look at the list and Claudia says she should look at the second page. Cokie looks but sees it's the stage crew and says they're unimportant. Then she sees that Claudia is in charge of sets and Mallory is assistant costume designer. Because everyone hates Mal, Cokie threatens her that she'd better do a good job on her costume or else. Claudia tells her to leave her alone and Cokie turns on her saying she'd better do a good job on the sets too. Claudia tells her to shut up but Cokie notes that she looks a little worried.
Chapter 7! Claudia!
Claudia writes terrible notes about how everyone got to be in the play but they didn't all get the parts they wanted. She actually says Stacey didn't want to be Sam's 'husband'. God, she's stupid. At a club meeting, they're all trying to figure out how to congratulate K Ron without upsetting Jessi. K Ron meanwhile, is uncharacteristically bemused at her part as Peter Pan. She says she doesn't have any experience and Jessi mutters 'I'll say'. Oh, shut up, Ramsey. You don't have any acting or singing experience either. K Ron changes the subject by saying Karen's 'flitting' paid off and got her the role of Tinkerbell. Flitting. That's the word they decided to go with for throwing tantrums. I hate Ann so much.
Dawn sighs because no one's paying her any attention and says she doesn't know about playing Wendy. Claudia and Mal say they don't know about they jobs either and Jessi explodes at them. She tells them the all did better than they tried out for (except Mal, of course) so why are they bitching. Annnnd...I'm kinda on Jessi's side. I mean look, this play is gonna be mainly BSC members. Out of all the main cast, three people are not associated with them (Hook, Smee and John). They are, as per usual, the center of the Goddamn universe. I can see being worried about getting a bigger part than expected, but to be bitching about it in front of Jessi is a tad insensitive. Even though she's at fault too. Mainly I just want them all to shut up.
But of course, Jessi being a BSC member has to shit on any sympathy I might have for her by saying she's not gonna play some 'puny pirate role' and dropped out of the play. She further lies that Mr Cheney begged her not to go. She says he asked her to stay on as assistant choreographer. Mal asks her if she asked him why he didn't give her the part of Peter and she says 'He said he wanted other kids to have a chance to perform. He said I’ve had a lot of starring roles already. He said...um, he said I’m too good for the part...Yeah, that’s what he said' because that's not an obvious lie. Seriously, they should have all started laughing at her and throwing things at her. Stacey tells her Mr Cheney was just being fair in giving other kids a chance and Jessi just snorts which makes K Ron tell her to be quiet, she sounds like a horse. Somehow, Mallory doesn't start screeching like a banshee and try to mount Jessi.
Chapter 8! Mary Anne!
Mary Anne is sitting for the Babadooks and needs to take them to rehearsal. At SMS (why isn't the play taking place at SHS?) Haley asks Mary Anne to come with them backstage. And Mary Anne, being an absolute tit, thinks that's crazy. But of course she goes with them because she's their babysitter. She goes with them but she's a nervous wreak because her anxiety would give mine a run for its money. Like yeah, I don't like being the center of attention but I know going backstage has nothing to do with acting in the play. She even thinks it was brave of her to come to the auditions because it was near the stage. How?! How does she function?! I mean, she was planning on going to the play! She's been to Jessi's performances! How come she doesn't panic then? Oh, because Ann sucks at writing and consistency.
Well, Mary Anne may be a tit but she does score some points when Jackie comes up to her confused about where to go and says he doesn't want to brag about having a big role and Mary Anne tells him he should be proud of it. Now that's sensitivity! She gets him sorted out and helps Ms Halliday when the kids start asking questions. When she's done doing that, she hears Jackie say oops. She finds him hanging from some of the ropes holding up the sets and asks him how he got up there. She says he got bored and went exploring but now Mr Cheney is talking to his group and he needs to get back. Mary Anne takes some tumbling mats and Jackie jumps down onto them. When they turn around, Mr Cheney is standing there. Jackie backs up and trips but jumps right up saying he's okay.
Mr Cheney asks Mary Anne if she knows Jackie and she says yes. She explains to him that he's a little accident prone but a good kid and really wants to be in the play. Before he can say anything, Karen comes up and asks Mary Anne to help her find her shoe. Mary Anne is like 'It's right over there, stupid' and Karen runs off. Mary Anne tries to cover for Jackie again when Matt and Haley come up needing help. Mr Cheney tells Mary Anne to talk to him after rehearsal and she says okay. Mary Anne says normally she'd be worried but she's so busy helping the kids out she doesn't have time to. After the rehearsal, Mr Cheney asks her how she'd like to be a backstage babysitter and help out with the kids. She agrees of course because babysitting is life. He also asks if she would be Jackie's personal coach and she says she will with no bitching! What a surprise!
Chapter 9! Mallory!
Mallory is her usual delusional self by saying when she was made assistant costume designer she thought she'd be 'sitting in a room somewhere backstage, surrounded by lengths of fabric, yards of lace, containers of sequins and beads. I would be seated at an ancient Singer sewing machine, piecing together a costume that I would later cover with sequins, sewn on by hand'. I don't think Mal knows how long hand sewing takes. Especially since the only costume that would logically have sequins on it would be the crocodile's which would take approximately five millennia to cover in sequins. Mal is kinda an idiot.
But Friday comes along and she finds that her first assignment is to measure the cast. Even the boys. She quietly shits herself and thinks about having to touch a boy and wonders what Sam would think of Mallory Pike stretching a measuring tape around his waist. Probably not much. If anything he'd just think 'That's one ugly kid' because Ann hates her. She tells Savannah Minton, the head costumer, that hey, how 'bout I measure all the girls and you measure all the boys? Savannah, who is probably not an idiot but this is SMS so who knows, asks her why. Mal is just like hur de dur and Savannah tells her to get to work. Mallory checks her list and sees she has to measure Dawn, Jackie, Karen, Alan, Cokie and a guy named Lucas who's playing Hook. Here's a question to all you lucky gals with theater experience. Does this happen? Does a company make every costume from scratch? They say things like Hook's costume is complex. That seems like a rental. And all this seems to take place over the course of maybe a month. It just seems like a lot of work in very little time.
Not knowing who Lucas is, Mal finds K Ron rehearsing with Dawn and asks her if she knows him. She doesn't but Dawn says he's the hottest guy at SHS. This gets me curious about another thing too. Isn't Captain Hook and Mr Darling usually played by the same guy? Well, I guess we couldn't have Stacey acting with some rando (she'd probably fall in luv for one thing) so they throw that tradition out the window. Mallory shits her pampers again at the thought of measuring a hot guy. Tell Stacey to do it. I'll bet she'd be more than happy to get down on her knees in front of him. Putting off the task of touching a hot guy, Mal says she needs to measure Dawn. But before she does that, she spots Mary Anne with Margo in her lap. So, she abandons Dawn and goes to check on her. Mary Anne tells her Margo is fine, she just bumped her knee. Mal hangs around some more then goes back to Dawn.
Mal thinks she needs to measure Jackie next but he's rehearsing with Mary Anne so she looks for Karen. While looking for her, she spots the triplets in a cardboard box, shooting spitballs at people. She goes over to confront them but Mary Anne is right there telling her she'll take care of it. Savannah comes up to Mal and asks her if she ready for another list. Mal is like hur de dur and Savannah gets mad at her. She tears her list in half asking if she can handle Jackie and Karen. It would please me to no end if she gave her the bottom half and she had to measure Alan, Cokie and Lucas. Mallory is relieved even though she knows Savannah is mad at her. I kinda wonder what her dumb ass thought working on costumes entailed? Oh, yeah. Hand sewing. Mary Anne isn't happy with her either and reminds her she's the backstage babysitter. Ha ha! Sorry, I hate Mal in this book.
Chapter 10! Dawn!
Dawn has been thinking about the play and Wendy's role within. She says even for a play written in 1904, it's pretty sexist. I look it up and the woman's suffrage alliance was also started in 1904. So, it wouldn't have been too big a deal then, Schafer. On Saturday, Mary Anne is helping Dawn memorize her lines and Dawn gets all up her ass. And it's fucking hilarious. She even uses the line 'That's just like a man!' when Mary Anne points out Peter promised Wendy adventure. For someone who wanted to be a Native American princess because the costume was 'exotic' Dawn sure thinks highly of her ideals. Mary Anne is like 'Oi, this guy here' and tells Dawn to get a take a shit or get off the pot and Dawn decides to shit. All over the play.
At the next rehearsal, Mr Cheney calls K Ron and Dawn up to rehearse the shadow scene and Dawn changes her lines. She tells Peter sewing is easy and she'll show him how and Mr Cheney tells her to read her script if she'd unsure of her lines. They read some more and then Dawn says she'll be happy to come to Neverland and teach the Lost Boys to cook. Mr Cheney asks her what she'd doing and she says the script can do with an update. Before Mr Cheney can answer that, Cokie starts laughing at Dawn. She asks if she thinks equality mean women should fight in war and Dawn says there shouldn't be wars in the first place. I always thought that line was really lame hippy dippy gobbledegook. Also Dawn is against war? Dawn who picks fights with people more than any other BSC member? But think about it, folks. Since when does a BSC book have hypocrisy?
Mr Cheney tells Cokie to go away and Dawn to stick to the script. They practice some more and he tells K Ron to stop looking at her script and for Dawn to project. And I don't believe for a second that Dawn has trouble projecting. I always thought she had to be as big a loudmouth as K Ron. God only knows she screeches about meat and recycling loud enough. Cokie is still behind the curtain giggling and says 'Notice he never tells Kristy to project' which is fucking hilarious. She continues to crack me up when Dawn asks why Wendy can't teach Peter to sew and she says he doesn't have all night. Mr Cheney says Peter is just a boy which Dawn answers Wendy is just a girl. K Ron is like 'Oi, shut up, Dawn' and she does. Mr Cheney wants them to try the rest of the scene without their scripts but K Ron forgets her next line. Cokie says 'It’s a miracle. Kristy Thomas is speechless' which is fantastic! It's everywhere you want to be! I really like this Cokie. Too bad I hated her in the movie because she was that one hideous fucking actress. Dawn says she thought they'd get in trouble but instead Logan got kicked out of the play. What a boring exciting cliffhanger!