Starring the Baby-sitters Club! Part 1!
Well, well, well! So when I got up today I really felt like snarking. Yes, even more than playing Sims. I decided to tackle this Super Special because I've been wanting to do this one for a while.Don't get me wrong. I don't really have anything against Jessi though she may be a little egotisical and bland. But omg, do I love when the BSC's ego makes them fail. It's macaron delicious! Plus I always wanted to go to a school that had plays and stuff because 1) I love theatre and 2) I always thought I'd be a pretty good actress if it wasn't for the fact that I have Mary Anne levels of stage fright. It comes from always hiding my emotions and putting on a face for others. Anyways. Let's dive right into this mess! Let's go!
-Song of the Day!-
Let's start with the cover
Here we have a delightful picture that ruins everything in the book for us. K Ron is Peter, Karen is Tinkerbell, Dawn is Wendy and Jessi is the crocodile. And if I may be a massive hypocrite for a moment, I would have told Karen she can't be Tinkerbell because fairies don't wear glasses. But I would do anything to crush Karen's dreams. That's my dream. Everyone was hit pretty hard with the ugly stick but especially Mallory to no one's surprise. I also always found her outfit pretty fug because she's wearing shoes with no socks which is a major turn off of mine. Mary Anne looks a bit like Ooga Booga the cavewoman. Jackie is a ventriliquist dummy and Karen is 55 if a day. Sadly this e-book doesn't have the interior pictures because I remember them being pretty hilarious too. Oh, well.
Prologue! Jessi!
Jessi is talking about how wonderful her life is and makes sure to point out it's not perfect, just wonderful. She says she has a wonderful family and wonderful friends and wonderful activities. She humble brags about getting leads in ballets and talks about Meme Noelle and her atrocious accent. She says another wonderful thing is she got picked to be sixth grade correspondent for the school newspaper. Mmm hmm! And I'll bet it gets mentioned in every book after this one! She says her mother says she's overextend herself and Jessi's image of her overextended body always puts me in the mind of The Enigma of Amigara Fault. And the other wonderful thing in her life is the announcement that SMS is putting on a 'musical extravaganza' of Peter Pan. Jessi, naturally, thinks she'll get the lead role. She actually thinks she already has the part. She gets the idea to do a piece on the play from the lead's perspective. Oh, this is gonna be delightful!
Chapter 1! Jessi!
After school, Jessi races out of class and meets Mallory at her locker. Mal says she didn't see her at lunch which I take to mean Mal ate lunch alone because I'm pretty sure she doesn't have any other friends. Jessi says she was in the library and Mal says 'This is very mysterious' because she's a dork. Jessi does a little exposition about being friends with Mal and throws out the line that they both love children. Which I find hilarious because they are children. That's like me saying I love girls when I am a girl and oh, wait...I do love girls. Not romantically, I love no one, but boy, girls are the best! Okay, carry on.
They meet up with the rest of the BSC and they start talking about the play. They mention that kids from high schools and elementary schools will be trying out too which I had blissfully forgotten I'd have to read about Karen. Jessi keeps trying to get a word in about how great she is till Mal says 'I think that Jessi would like to make an announcement' because she's a colossal dork. Jessi tells them about how she'll be playing Peter Pan and doing an article about the play for the newspaper. Everyone stares at her and she's like 'Aren't you gonna praise me?' They're like 'Auditions haven't even been announced yet. How did you get the lead?' And Jessi, bless her ego, is like, 'Who else would get it? I'm obviously the best!' and everyone is just kinda awkward. Stacey says they should head to Claudia's for the BSC meeting which makes me wonder what time SMS gets out. My middle school got out at 2:30. Wouldn't they be sitting around Claudia's room for like 3 hours? They head out and Jessi spots Emily Bernstein and says she needs to talk to her. She tells Emily her idea for the article and she okays it. Hee hee hee...this is gonna be so good!
Chapter 2! Kristy!
Jessi has asked her friends to keep notes for her article and K Ron is pissy about it. Because it's not like she hasn't done the exact same thing multiple times or that the notebook isn't a thing. God, I hate K Ron. I hate this chapter too as it's just the usual info dump. I do see that K Ron says Karen and Andrew's goldfish are 'boring' and nearly peed myself thinking about the shit fit Karen would throw at that. I'd like to think it'd give her an aneurysm.
Chapter 3! Dawn!
My favorite Hell beast writes that the auditions will be held on Saturday and she wants the part of Tiger Lily. Because she's going off the Mary Martin play were Tiger Lily was played by a blonde, white girl. Which is Hella annoying to me because growing up, Tiger Lily from the Disney movie was one of the few cartoon characters, who wasn't a villain, who looked like me. So the thought of of blonde haired, blue eyed Dawn playing her really gets under my skin. I know SMS is about as progressive as a witch burning, but I would hope they'd cast a brunette, if not an actual minority, to play Tiger Lily.
At lunch, K Ron finds something grey and stringy in her food which makes Dawn pat her ass about her lunch. She says some kids make fun of her for bringing lunch and uh, Dawn? It's not because you bring lunch. It's because you smooch your rectum about how healthy you are and how special you are. They start talking about the parts they want and K Ron wants to play Nana the dog. Mary Anne tells her that whoever plays Nana also plays the crocodile and Claudia asks 'The crocodile that bit off Captain Hook’s hand?'. No, Claudia, one of the several hundred other crocodiles in the play. God, she's stupid. They talk a little about Jesi's ego then ask Dawn what part she wants. She says Tiger Lily because of the 'Ugg-a-wug' (*groan*) song and the 'exotic' costume. Stay classy, Schafer.
Dawn starts talking about Mal wanting to work on costumes but because we can't have the ginger getting attention, K Ron tells her to shut up because Cokie, Grace and their cronies are listening. Dawn says they've been rivals forever but can't remember why. Really, Schafer?! You can't remember them trying to steal Logan from your best friend?! But then a minute later she mentions that so she's just fucking stupid I guess. K Ron says Cokie is also trying out for Tiger Lily and Dawn says maybe she won't try out. K Ron asks since when does she care what people think and what?! Has she met Dawn?! That's all Dawn cares about! She was just talking about people thinking she's weird for bringing lunch! Why does Ann not know her own characters?!
Chapter 4! Stacey!
Saturday, day of the auditions. Maureen drops Stacey off at SMS and asks if she wants her to come in for moral support. Stacey says she would but she thinks she needs to be grown up and go on her own. Maureen tells her she's already grown up (no) and lets her go. The auditorium is a madhouse with kids of all ages running around. Stacey leaves her things on a seat near the back and looks around for someone she knows. She spots Sam and runs over to him. But when they meet they don't know what to do because pda isn't something they're comfortable with yet. They talk a little then K Ron comes up and Stacey goes off with her. She's surprised to see Mary Anne is there too and Mary Anne loudly announces she's there for moral support only. They sit and chat a bit and wait for the auditions to start.
Mr Cheney gets up on stage and starts saying what parts they're looking for. And then it happens. Snakes manifest, unearthly groans fill the air and the walls start bleeding as Karen screeches out about Tinkerbell. Mr Cheney says there isn't a part for Tinkerbell and the building shudders, rats pour out of the ceiling and the smell of death wafts through as Karen starts screaming that she wants to be Tinkerbell. Mr Cheney, that milquetoast, doesn't snap 'Sit down and be quiet!' like I would have but just looks around helplessly. K Ron jumps up and grabs Karen and has her sit down. Mr Cheney breaks some kids into groups, some of them learning a dance with Ms Halliday and some learning a scene with him.
The olda kids are given scripts and told to memorize a scene to prepare for their audition. While she's supposed to be doing that, Stacey is instead listening to the little kids audition. Matt and Haley Babadook come on stage and Haley explains that Matt is deaf but a good actor. He goes through different emotions then shadows turn blood red, the distant sound of rusty metal squeals and all the children start sobbing quietly as Mr Cheney calls Karen up. She reads her part then screams 'Look what a good fairy I am!' and starts prancing around. Mr Cheney does the helpless thing again till K Ron rescues him again. Because she's the adult in this situation. The rest of the kid auditions go by with 90% of the BSC clientele performing and then it's time for the olda kids to go on. And first up is Stacey. Eep!
Chapter 5! Jessi!
Jessi starts her chapter by kissing her own ass about 'wowing' Mr Cheney at the audition. Heh. Sure you did, dear. Seriously, I'm just as pleased as punch that things are gonna go bad for her. I just wish it would happen the other fifty million times the BSC gets their way. Maybe Jessi is right and it is racism because when else has a BSC member failed at something? Anyways, Stacey goes up and sings part of 'Mack the Knife' which Jessi says is strange. Well, yeah. It's about murder. It was also one of my favorite songs when I was little along with 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' which I feel says a lot about me. K Ron goes on and performs well and Jessi compliments her breath control which K Ron finds weird. Logan auditions and sucks and then it's the queen of the harpies turn. She does really well and everyone is shocked but it's a form of attention. What makes you think she would be bad at that?
When it's time to audition for Peter Pan, Jessi rushes the stage and starts yapping at Mr Cheney about her amazing talent. He's like 'Whatever, little girl. Just do your part'. Jessi says she did her read very well because she's an egomaniacal monster. When she sings, Grace holds her hands over her ears which Jessi thinks she's doing just to be mean. Uh, Jessi, honey? She's didn't do it for any other BSC member. I'm sorry but you just suck. She says when it's her turn to dance, she really blew it out of the water. I gotta wonder. She's doing all these fancy ballet moves but did it ever occur to her that Ms Halliday, who's the gym teacher, wouldn't be coordinating such an elaborate dance? Showing off your ballet skills isn't really going to get you anywhere when it's not a ballet. This bothered me since I was a kid. The auditions finish and Mr Cheney announces the callbacks. When Jessi's name isn't on the list, she assures Dawn it's okay. He already decided to make her Peter. Oh, boy!
-Song of the Day!-
Let's start with the cover
Here we have a delightful picture that ruins everything in the book for us. K Ron is Peter, Karen is Tinkerbell, Dawn is Wendy and Jessi is the crocodile. And if I may be a massive hypocrite for a moment, I would have told Karen she can't be Tinkerbell because fairies don't wear glasses. But I would do anything to crush Karen's dreams. That's my dream. Everyone was hit pretty hard with the ugly stick but especially Mallory to no one's surprise. I also always found her outfit pretty fug because she's wearing shoes with no socks which is a major turn off of mine. Mary Anne looks a bit like Ooga Booga the cavewoman. Jackie is a ventriliquist dummy and Karen is 55 if a day. Sadly this e-book doesn't have the interior pictures because I remember them being pretty hilarious too. Oh, well.
Prologue! Jessi!
Jessi is talking about how wonderful her life is and makes sure to point out it's not perfect, just wonderful. She says she has a wonderful family and wonderful friends and wonderful activities. She humble brags about getting leads in ballets and talks about Meme Noelle and her atrocious accent. She says another wonderful thing is she got picked to be sixth grade correspondent for the school newspaper. Mmm hmm! And I'll bet it gets mentioned in every book after this one! She says her mother says she's overextend herself and Jessi's image of her overextended body always puts me in the mind of The Enigma of Amigara Fault. And the other wonderful thing in her life is the announcement that SMS is putting on a 'musical extravaganza' of Peter Pan. Jessi, naturally, thinks she'll get the lead role. She actually thinks she already has the part. She gets the idea to do a piece on the play from the lead's perspective. Oh, this is gonna be delightful!
Chapter 1! Jessi!
After school, Jessi races out of class and meets Mallory at her locker. Mal says she didn't see her at lunch which I take to mean Mal ate lunch alone because I'm pretty sure she doesn't have any other friends. Jessi says she was in the library and Mal says 'This is very mysterious' because she's a dork. Jessi does a little exposition about being friends with Mal and throws out the line that they both love children. Which I find hilarious because they are children. That's like me saying I love girls when I am a girl and oh, wait...I do love girls. Not romantically, I love no one, but boy, girls are the best! Okay, carry on.
They meet up with the rest of the BSC and they start talking about the play. They mention that kids from high schools and elementary schools will be trying out too which I had blissfully forgotten I'd have to read about Karen. Jessi keeps trying to get a word in about how great she is till Mal says 'I think that Jessi would like to make an announcement' because she's a colossal dork. Jessi tells them about how she'll be playing Peter Pan and doing an article about the play for the newspaper. Everyone stares at her and she's like 'Aren't you gonna praise me?' They're like 'Auditions haven't even been announced yet. How did you get the lead?' And Jessi, bless her ego, is like, 'Who else would get it? I'm obviously the best!' and everyone is just kinda awkward. Stacey says they should head to Claudia's for the BSC meeting which makes me wonder what time SMS gets out. My middle school got out at 2:30. Wouldn't they be sitting around Claudia's room for like 3 hours? They head out and Jessi spots Emily Bernstein and says she needs to talk to her. She tells Emily her idea for the article and she okays it. Hee hee hee...this is gonna be so good!
Chapter 2! Kristy!
Jessi has asked her friends to keep notes for her article and K Ron is pissy about it. Because it's not like she hasn't done the exact same thing multiple times or that the notebook isn't a thing. God, I hate K Ron. I hate this chapter too as it's just the usual info dump. I do see that K Ron says Karen and Andrew's goldfish are 'boring' and nearly peed myself thinking about the shit fit Karen would throw at that. I'd like to think it'd give her an aneurysm.
Chapter 3! Dawn!
My favorite Hell beast writes that the auditions will be held on Saturday and she wants the part of Tiger Lily. Because she's going off the Mary Martin play were Tiger Lily was played by a blonde, white girl. Which is Hella annoying to me because growing up, Tiger Lily from the Disney movie was one of the few cartoon characters, who wasn't a villain, who looked like me. So the thought of of blonde haired, blue eyed Dawn playing her really gets under my skin. I know SMS is about as progressive as a witch burning, but I would hope they'd cast a brunette, if not an actual minority, to play Tiger Lily.
At lunch, K Ron finds something grey and stringy in her food which makes Dawn pat her ass about her lunch. She says some kids make fun of her for bringing lunch and uh, Dawn? It's not because you bring lunch. It's because you smooch your rectum about how healthy you are and how special you are. They start talking about the parts they want and K Ron wants to play Nana the dog. Mary Anne tells her that whoever plays Nana also plays the crocodile and Claudia asks 'The crocodile that bit off Captain Hook’s hand?'. No, Claudia, one of the several hundred other crocodiles in the play. God, she's stupid. They talk a little about Jesi's ego then ask Dawn what part she wants. She says Tiger Lily because of the 'Ugg-a-wug' (*groan*) song and the 'exotic' costume. Stay classy, Schafer.
Dawn starts talking about Mal wanting to work on costumes but because we can't have the ginger getting attention, K Ron tells her to shut up because Cokie, Grace and their cronies are listening. Dawn says they've been rivals forever but can't remember why. Really, Schafer?! You can't remember them trying to steal Logan from your best friend?! But then a minute later she mentions that so she's just fucking stupid I guess. K Ron says Cokie is also trying out for Tiger Lily and Dawn says maybe she won't try out. K Ron asks since when does she care what people think and what?! Has she met Dawn?! That's all Dawn cares about! She was just talking about people thinking she's weird for bringing lunch! Why does Ann not know her own characters?!
Chapter 4! Stacey!
Saturday, day of the auditions. Maureen drops Stacey off at SMS and asks if she wants her to come in for moral support. Stacey says she would but she thinks she needs to be grown up and go on her own. Maureen tells her she's already grown up (no) and lets her go. The auditorium is a madhouse with kids of all ages running around. Stacey leaves her things on a seat near the back and looks around for someone she knows. She spots Sam and runs over to him. But when they meet they don't know what to do because pda isn't something they're comfortable with yet. They talk a little then K Ron comes up and Stacey goes off with her. She's surprised to see Mary Anne is there too and Mary Anne loudly announces she's there for moral support only. They sit and chat a bit and wait for the auditions to start.
Mr Cheney gets up on stage and starts saying what parts they're looking for. And then it happens. Snakes manifest, unearthly groans fill the air and the walls start bleeding as Karen screeches out about Tinkerbell. Mr Cheney says there isn't a part for Tinkerbell and the building shudders, rats pour out of the ceiling and the smell of death wafts through as Karen starts screaming that she wants to be Tinkerbell. Mr Cheney, that milquetoast, doesn't snap 'Sit down and be quiet!' like I would have but just looks around helplessly. K Ron jumps up and grabs Karen and has her sit down. Mr Cheney breaks some kids into groups, some of them learning a dance with Ms Halliday and some learning a scene with him.
The olda kids are given scripts and told to memorize a scene to prepare for their audition. While she's supposed to be doing that, Stacey is instead listening to the little kids audition. Matt and Haley Babadook come on stage and Haley explains that Matt is deaf but a good actor. He goes through different emotions then shadows turn blood red, the distant sound of rusty metal squeals and all the children start sobbing quietly as Mr Cheney calls Karen up. She reads her part then screams 'Look what a good fairy I am!' and starts prancing around. Mr Cheney does the helpless thing again till K Ron rescues him again. Because she's the adult in this situation. The rest of the kid auditions go by with 90% of the BSC clientele performing and then it's time for the olda kids to go on. And first up is Stacey. Eep!
Chapter 5! Jessi!
Jessi starts her chapter by kissing her own ass about 'wowing' Mr Cheney at the audition. Heh. Sure you did, dear. Seriously, I'm just as pleased as punch that things are gonna go bad for her. I just wish it would happen the other fifty million times the BSC gets their way. Maybe Jessi is right and it is racism because when else has a BSC member failed at something? Anyways, Stacey goes up and sings part of 'Mack the Knife' which Jessi says is strange. Well, yeah. It's about murder. It was also one of my favorite songs when I was little along with 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' which I feel says a lot about me. K Ron goes on and performs well and Jessi compliments her breath control which K Ron finds weird. Logan auditions and sucks and then it's the queen of the harpies turn. She does really well and everyone is shocked but it's a form of attention. What makes you think she would be bad at that?
When it's time to audition for Peter Pan, Jessi rushes the stage and starts yapping at Mr Cheney about her amazing talent. He's like 'Whatever, little girl. Just do your part'. Jessi says she did her read very well because she's an egomaniacal monster. When she sings, Grace holds her hands over her ears which Jessi thinks she's doing just to be mean. Uh, Jessi, honey? She's didn't do it for any other BSC member. I'm sorry but you just suck. She says when it's her turn to dance, she really blew it out of the water. I gotta wonder. She's doing all these fancy ballet moves but did it ever occur to her that Ms Halliday, who's the gym teacher, wouldn't be coordinating such an elaborate dance? Showing off your ballet skills isn't really going to get you anywhere when it's not a ballet. This bothered me since I was a kid. The auditions finish and Mr Cheney announces the callbacks. When Jessi's name isn't on the list, she assures Dawn it's okay. He already decided to make her Peter. Oh, boy!