Mallory and the Ghost Cat! Part 2!
Greetings, my lovlies! How is everyone? I just wanted to thank you all for your sweet comments on my drawings in the last snark! I really should do some more BSC related art. I've had an idea on the backburner to do an illustrated snark wherein I draw some of the most wtf moments and tropes in the series. I'm just lazy about compiling them. Because let's face it, there's a lot of wtf moments and tropes. It's a pretty grandiose idea but hopefully I'll get around to it some day. If you can think of anything to go into it, please let me know! Well, let's go!
Part 1!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6!
Mal is lamenting to Jessi about uncle Joe. She says he hasn't even bothered to learn any of the ape's names. Uh, I have family members whose names I still don't know. But my reason is I don't give a shit about 99% of my family. I'm pretty sure Joe is just old. And ya know, the Alzheimer's. She also asks a good question in why did Joe agree to come over in the first place. Like shatisarockgod said, it's not like they only have a couple of well behaved kids. It's not like they even have eight well behaved kids. Since the Pikes are pretty much dirty hippies, they let their kids run wild. Why would anyone want to be around them? And like I said in the previous snark, Mal is making a big deal about the fact that Joe isn't charmed by the kid's antics so, they have to be quiet and civil. And somehow, not acting like a bunch of monkeys on meth is such a problem for them. Rather then something they should do automatically when they have guests over.
Poor Mal. She has problems. She's feeling guilty that she has a sitting job because it's getting her out of the house. She shouldn't be feeling guilty over indulging in her past time, ya know? And it's a job. It's not like she's outright avoiding her house and hanging around somewheres. When she gets to the Craines, Sophie answers the door and tells her their aunt Bud is there. Mal worries a second that she won't be needed but Ellen is only stopping by till Mrs C takes her to the doctor. Sophie takes Mal to meet her and Mal dorkily wonders whether Ellen will be covered in tattoos or offer her a beer. Because everyone who rides a motorcycle is an idiot that breaks the law by giving children alcohol. Funny how Ellen Miles named a character after herself and they immediately put out the idea that she corrupts the youth.
When she meets Ellen, Mal says she looks totally normal. She also thinks, like an idiot, that she'll ask her to give her a ride on her motorcycle some time. Hahaha! What?! Jesus, Mal, you don't even know this woman! Why would you ask her to tote you around?! I know everyone talks about the size of K Ron's stupidity balls, but Mal is swinging quite the pair herself! The adults leave and Margaret comes home from school and Katie wakes up from her nap. Once Mal gets the girls settled, she gets ready to make some cookies with them. As that mess happens, they hear a cat mewing again. The girls are intrigued and want to go find the kitty. I would just like to point out that Katie, the same age as Gabbie, simply says 'Find kitty'.
-A round of applause for Ann and her grade A writing!-
The girls all go looking for the cat but have no luck. Margaret suggests that maybe it's a ghost cat but Mal tells her not to say that lest she scare her sisters. Mal also thinks it's ridiculous that there would be animal ghosts which seems a little dumb. I knew about animal ghosts at age 11. But I was really into the paranormal all my life. After they look everywhere, Mal asks if there's anywhere they forgot. Margaret says they haven't looked in the attic. Mal asks if they're allowed in the attic and Margaret tells her they are if they have a grown up with them. Mal figures she qualifies, so they grab a flashlight and head on up.
They look around the attic and spot the cat which runs away from them down the stairs. They chase after him and Margaret traps him in the laundry room. Mal peeks in on him and he's a little white kitten with 'silver' eyes. I take a second to look up white kittens to see if any have grey eyes, and the answer is not really. They say the kitty looks scared and hungry so Mal shreds some chicken and gives him that and some water. The girls wonder how the cat got in the attic and they do a search and find a hole by the rafters. When their mom gets home, they ask if they can keep him. Mrs C says maybe but first they have to make sure he doesn't belong to anyone.
Chapter 7!
Claudia writes in the notebook that she misses Mimi. Yeah, you and me both. She says that she was sitting at the Pikes and being around Joe made her think about hanging around old people. Except Joe is nothing like Mimi. Yup, Mimi was unique in that she was a good character in one of the worst book series ever. I would think hanging around K Ron and Dawn would make you miss Mimi because you'd be like 'Remember how Mimi was nice? Remember how she was considerate? Hanging around these harpies sure makes me miss being around someone who didn't constantly feel the need to shame me over things like being a minute late or eating an Oreo.'
Claudia loudly introduces herself to Joe and call him 'Uncle Joe' which makes him say his name is Mr Pike. Then he examines his hand for germs and mutters about young people having no respect. While that is a little harsh, I agree with him. I mean, he's staying at the Pikes. He's seen full well what happens when you don't slap your kids. Claudia goes with Mal into the kitchen and declares that Joe is a 'mean, old man!' Yes, how dare someone not want to be addressed so familiarly by someone they don't know! How very dare! Goddamn, I'm getting old.
Mal and Claud get their bland dinner together and call all the apes to eat. The usual Pike ape antics happen and Jordan sprays food out of his mouth across the table. And we're supposed to think Joe is being unreasonable when he says he doesn't want to put up with that shit and leaves. I know I just said I'm getting old but Jesus. Even as a kid I was on Joe's side. That's fucking disgusting. And Mal says mealtimes are usually more chaotic than that. I reiterate, slap your damn kids! There's a difference between being strict and raising Goddamn zoo animals! I'm not saying the Pikes need to curb everything their kids do, but they can at least act civil! Especially when they have a guest over! Here's my theory. Mary Anne is like a black hole for embarrassment. She sucked it all up into herself and now no one in the 'Brook feels the slightest bit ashamed over things that they should. If your kids can't eat a meal without spraying food all over the table and screaming at each other, you have failed as a parent.
Of course, none of the apes see it this way and just laugh over Joe having standards. They waste the food they just cooked and break out the sardines and shit. As they're eating, Margo asks why Joe is so sad. Um, because he's old and surrounded by bratty apes? I love when Ann makes people who've done wrong see fault in others. Not one of the kids wonder about maybe they behave like coked up chimps raised by trucker drug wolves, they wonder what's Joe's problem. Yup! I suuuure do love that! I would say it's my favourite writing style to have no one take responsibility for their actions! Mmm mmm! That's good morals! But nope, Mal just says he's old and cranky. The kids decide to 'cheer' him up with a play, and even though he clearly doesn't want anything to do with such bullshit, they just bulldoze over him and put one on anyway. Now who wouldn't find that charming?!
Chapter 8!
Mal is sitting at the Craines again and trying to avoid another play. She forgot the most important member of the family until she hears him meow. She asks about the cat, now named Ghost Cat (◎_◎?!), and asks how he's doing. The girls say they'll show her but when the open the laundry room door he runs out. They look around for him but can't find him anywhere. When they check the attic, Mal sees an old hat box and looks into it...Uh, nosy much there, Pike? I don't know about you, but I would never go into a strangers house and look through their stuff. I don't even do that at my family or friends house. And here I stupidly thought Mal had better manners than the other apes.
In the box are old letters, so Mal takes them downstairs to look at while she gives the girls a snack. She reads the letters and they're from a Kennedy Graham to his nephew. He writes that he found a white kitten and named it Tinker. They become BFFs until the day Tinker dies. After that, Kennedy swears he hears a cat meowing in his attic. They find a picture of Kennedy and say he looks like a weirdo. Just then, Mal hears meowing coming from the attic. But when they go check, there's no cat. Then they find Ghost Cat sleeping in the laundry room. Omg! It must be a ghost! It's not like cats can move! Or that they'll be screaming their fool heads off one minute and fast asleep the next! Mal, you guys had a cat before he figured he'd be better off living on the streets. You should know this shit.
Chapter 9!
Fuck NO! I will not be covering this chapter. This is probably in my top 5 of most hated chapters in any BSC books ever. 1) I hate the Kormans, especially Skylar. 2) I hate K Ron and her whining about kids playing a harmless game 3) It's anti-cat 4) Karen is in it. So, really, I cannot stand this chapter. Let's look at cute kitties in offense to K Ron and her inability to worship them for the Gods they are.
-The freeze frame!-
Chapter 10!
Remember how I've said every BSC member has done something to piss me off? Well, it's Mal's turn. Because her stupid ass is whining about Joe being in the house. Because all he does is sleep. And it's so hard being well behaved. Seriously, she says that. God, Mal. Not everyone needs to find your family cute and lovable. Is it really that hard not to be a bunch of screaming sirens 24/7? 'Oh, no! We can't rampage through the house like someone just played Jumanji! What ever shall we do?!' And he's old. Just what the fuck do you want him to do?! Spend all his time entertaining you?! He's an old man, not a fucking Playstation! Your father invited him over so he could get a break for the dreariness of the old folks home! Not so you could fucking abuse him with your feral chimp ways!
One day, Dee is home catching up on some work and she asks Mal to go check on Joe. She goes to check where he was last napping but he's not there. She looks around for him a little but he's nowhere to be found. Did you check the attic? Is he up there meowing? Mal tells her mom she can't find him and let's all panic. Mal gets on her bike to check around the neighbourhood, and when she gets back home, her neighbour is leading Joe to her house. She says she went to the food library and when she came home, he was sleeping on her couch. Wow. So, no one locks their house when they leave in Stoneybrook? It really is Stepford. Things continue in that line where Joe forgets John's name and puts dishes in the washing machine and tries to leave the house in the middle of the night. John and Dee call a family meeting and explain that Joe has Alzheimer's and what it means. They say that Joe will probably be better off back at Stoneybrook Manor. Uh, yeah! What made you think bringing a sick old man into an ape house was a good idea in the first place?! I also hope Mallory feels nice and guilty about being a whiny little shit.
Part 1!
-Song of the Day!-
Chapter 6!
Mal is lamenting to Jessi about uncle Joe. She says he hasn't even bothered to learn any of the ape's names. Uh, I have family members whose names I still don't know. But my reason is I don't give a shit about 99% of my family. I'm pretty sure Joe is just old. And ya know, the Alzheimer's. She also asks a good question in why did Joe agree to come over in the first place. Like shatisarockgod said, it's not like they only have a couple of well behaved kids. It's not like they even have eight well behaved kids. Since the Pikes are pretty much dirty hippies, they let their kids run wild. Why would anyone want to be around them? And like I said in the previous snark, Mal is making a big deal about the fact that Joe isn't charmed by the kid's antics so, they have to be quiet and civil. And somehow, not acting like a bunch of monkeys on meth is such a problem for them. Rather then something they should do automatically when they have guests over.
Poor Mal. She has problems. She's feeling guilty that she has a sitting job because it's getting her out of the house. She shouldn't be feeling guilty over indulging in her past time, ya know? And it's a job. It's not like she's outright avoiding her house and hanging around somewheres. When she gets to the Craines, Sophie answers the door and tells her their aunt Bud is there. Mal worries a second that she won't be needed but Ellen is only stopping by till Mrs C takes her to the doctor. Sophie takes Mal to meet her and Mal dorkily wonders whether Ellen will be covered in tattoos or offer her a beer. Because everyone who rides a motorcycle is an idiot that breaks the law by giving children alcohol. Funny how Ellen Miles named a character after herself and they immediately put out the idea that she corrupts the youth.
When she meets Ellen, Mal says she looks totally normal. She also thinks, like an idiot, that she'll ask her to give her a ride on her motorcycle some time. Hahaha! What?! Jesus, Mal, you don't even know this woman! Why would you ask her to tote you around?! I know everyone talks about the size of K Ron's stupidity balls, but Mal is swinging quite the pair herself! The adults leave and Margaret comes home from school and Katie wakes up from her nap. Once Mal gets the girls settled, she gets ready to make some cookies with them. As that mess happens, they hear a cat mewing again. The girls are intrigued and want to go find the kitty. I would just like to point out that Katie, the same age as Gabbie, simply says 'Find kitty'.
-A round of applause for Ann and her grade A writing!-
The girls all go looking for the cat but have no luck. Margaret suggests that maybe it's a ghost cat but Mal tells her not to say that lest she scare her sisters. Mal also thinks it's ridiculous that there would be animal ghosts which seems a little dumb. I knew about animal ghosts at age 11. But I was really into the paranormal all my life. After they look everywhere, Mal asks if there's anywhere they forgot. Margaret says they haven't looked in the attic. Mal asks if they're allowed in the attic and Margaret tells her they are if they have a grown up with them. Mal figures she qualifies, so they grab a flashlight and head on up.
They look around the attic and spot the cat which runs away from them down the stairs. They chase after him and Margaret traps him in the laundry room. Mal peeks in on him and he's a little white kitten with 'silver' eyes. I take a second to look up white kittens to see if any have grey eyes, and the answer is not really. They say the kitty looks scared and hungry so Mal shreds some chicken and gives him that and some water. The girls wonder how the cat got in the attic and they do a search and find a hole by the rafters. When their mom gets home, they ask if they can keep him. Mrs C says maybe but first they have to make sure he doesn't belong to anyone.
Chapter 7!
Claudia writes in the notebook that she misses Mimi. Yeah, you and me both. She says that she was sitting at the Pikes and being around Joe made her think about hanging around old people. Except Joe is nothing like Mimi. Yup, Mimi was unique in that she was a good character in one of the worst book series ever. I would think hanging around K Ron and Dawn would make you miss Mimi because you'd be like 'Remember how Mimi was nice? Remember how she was considerate? Hanging around these harpies sure makes me miss being around someone who didn't constantly feel the need to shame me over things like being a minute late or eating an Oreo.'
Claudia loudly introduces herself to Joe and call him 'Uncle Joe' which makes him say his name is Mr Pike. Then he examines his hand for germs and mutters about young people having no respect. While that is a little harsh, I agree with him. I mean, he's staying at the Pikes. He's seen full well what happens when you don't slap your kids. Claudia goes with Mal into the kitchen and declares that Joe is a 'mean, old man!' Yes, how dare someone not want to be addressed so familiarly by someone they don't know! How very dare! Goddamn, I'm getting old.
Mal and Claud get their bland dinner together and call all the apes to eat. The usual Pike ape antics happen and Jordan sprays food out of his mouth across the table. And we're supposed to think Joe is being unreasonable when he says he doesn't want to put up with that shit and leaves. I know I just said I'm getting old but Jesus. Even as a kid I was on Joe's side. That's fucking disgusting. And Mal says mealtimes are usually more chaotic than that. I reiterate, slap your damn kids! There's a difference between being strict and raising Goddamn zoo animals! I'm not saying the Pikes need to curb everything their kids do, but they can at least act civil! Especially when they have a guest over! Here's my theory. Mary Anne is like a black hole for embarrassment. She sucked it all up into herself and now no one in the 'Brook feels the slightest bit ashamed over things that they should. If your kids can't eat a meal without spraying food all over the table and screaming at each other, you have failed as a parent.
Of course, none of the apes see it this way and just laugh over Joe having standards. They waste the food they just cooked and break out the sardines and shit. As they're eating, Margo asks why Joe is so sad. Um, because he's old and surrounded by bratty apes? I love when Ann makes people who've done wrong see fault in others. Not one of the kids wonder about maybe they behave like coked up chimps raised by trucker drug wolves, they wonder what's Joe's problem. Yup! I suuuure do love that! I would say it's my favourite writing style to have no one take responsibility for their actions! Mmm mmm! That's good morals! But nope, Mal just says he's old and cranky. The kids decide to 'cheer' him up with a play, and even though he clearly doesn't want anything to do with such bullshit, they just bulldoze over him and put one on anyway. Now who wouldn't find that charming?!
Chapter 8!
Mal is sitting at the Craines again and trying to avoid another play. She forgot the most important member of the family until she hears him meow. She asks about the cat, now named Ghost Cat (◎_◎?!), and asks how he's doing. The girls say they'll show her but when the open the laundry room door he runs out. They look around for him but can't find him anywhere. When they check the attic, Mal sees an old hat box and looks into it...Uh, nosy much there, Pike? I don't know about you, but I would never go into a strangers house and look through their stuff. I don't even do that at my family or friends house. And here I stupidly thought Mal had better manners than the other apes.
In the box are old letters, so Mal takes them downstairs to look at while she gives the girls a snack. She reads the letters and they're from a Kennedy Graham to his nephew. He writes that he found a white kitten and named it Tinker. They become BFFs until the day Tinker dies. After that, Kennedy swears he hears a cat meowing in his attic. They find a picture of Kennedy and say he looks like a weirdo. Just then, Mal hears meowing coming from the attic. But when they go check, there's no cat. Then they find Ghost Cat sleeping in the laundry room. Omg! It must be a ghost! It's not like cats can move! Or that they'll be screaming their fool heads off one minute and fast asleep the next! Mal, you guys had a cat before he figured he'd be better off living on the streets. You should know this shit.
Chapter 9!
Fuck NO! I will not be covering this chapter. This is probably in my top 5 of most hated chapters in any BSC books ever. 1) I hate the Kormans, especially Skylar. 2) I hate K Ron and her whining about kids playing a harmless game 3) It's anti-cat 4) Karen is in it. So, really, I cannot stand this chapter. Let's look at cute kitties in offense to K Ron and her inability to worship them for the Gods they are.
Click to view-The freeze frame!-
Chapter 10!
Remember how I've said every BSC member has done something to piss me off? Well, it's Mal's turn. Because her stupid ass is whining about Joe being in the house. Because all he does is sleep. And it's so hard being well behaved. Seriously, she says that. God, Mal. Not everyone needs to find your family cute and lovable. Is it really that hard not to be a bunch of screaming sirens 24/7? 'Oh, no! We can't rampage through the house like someone just played Jumanji! What ever shall we do?!' And he's old. Just what the fuck do you want him to do?! Spend all his time entertaining you?! He's an old man, not a fucking Playstation! Your father invited him over so he could get a break for the dreariness of the old folks home! Not so you could fucking abuse him with your feral chimp ways!
One day, Dee is home catching up on some work and she asks Mal to go check on Joe. She goes to check where he was last napping but he's not there. She looks around for him a little but he's nowhere to be found. Did you check the attic? Is he up there meowing? Mal tells her mom she can't find him and let's all panic. Mal gets on her bike to check around the neighbourhood, and when she gets back home, her neighbour is leading Joe to her house. She says she went to the food library and when she came home, he was sleeping on her couch. Wow. So, no one locks their house when they leave in Stoneybrook? It really is Stepford. Things continue in that line where Joe forgets John's name and puts dishes in the washing machine and tries to leave the house in the middle of the night. John and Dee call a family meeting and explain that Joe has Alzheimer's and what it means. They say that Joe will probably be better off back at Stoneybrook Manor. Uh, yeah! What made you think bringing a sick old man into an ape house was a good idea in the first place?! I also hope Mallory feels nice and guilty about being a whiny little shit.