Snowbound! Part 3!
Yeesh! Sorry so late on this! I was having some pretty bad medical problems. My old doctor had the absolute worst staff with so little compassion, they didn't even say sorry while I was having a complete mental breakdown. So, I finally washed my hands of them and am currently looking for a new doctor. And since I was practically huddled in a corner weeping my eyes out, I wasn't quite up to snarking. I wanted to but my body and brain were tag teaming me on who could make me feel worse. But everything worked out in the end so I'm back! Back to this book that reads like a manuel on how to be an idiot. Tally ho!
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day-
Chapter 11!-Kristy!
Nobody believes Karen that it's snowing and that's stupid on two levels. 1) Karen you flippin' idiot. If you didn't lie all the damned time maybe people would believe you. I hope a wolf eats her. 2) These dumb bastards still don't believe it's going to snow? Can you imagine how quickly Stoneybrook would get wiped off the map if they had tornadoes? Just picture it, there would be warnings and it'd be tornado season and they'd all just scoff at that being the dumbest thing they ever heard of and go about their business. 'Tornado warning? Yeah, right!' scoffed K. Ron as her roof blew off and Karen was carried away and lodged through a tree.
Kristy wants to die when Karen tells DM that his fly is open. Because Bart, being a teen boy, has never heard about flies being opened. Well, he didn't know that XYZ meant 'eXamine Your Zipper'. Bart sucks at being a teen boy. First he knows the colour puce and now this. But before Kristy can melt in embarrassment, DM yells that it is snowing and everyone runs to the windows. Bart says he'd better head home but Elizabeth nixes it. She says for him to just wait it out and she'll drive him. Isn't the Taylor household in walking distance? I think he'll survive just fine there, Bethy.
They have dessert and something that was always weird for me is that the have store bought pie and they heat in in the microwave. Aren't pies usually on tins? Did they remove the pie from the tin? Some stupid kid is going to blow their house up, Ann. We also get a play-by-play of how Karen eats her pie because God forbid any BSC book goes by without worshiping the ground she walks on and pointing out her 'cute' quirks and antics. She also puts her sweater pants on again and I pray that she's wearing pants underneath, because Bart should not being seeing her underwear.
When the time comes for Bart to go home, it's still snowing too hard for him to go. And again Watson and Elizabeth aren't sure about it. Maybe I'm just harsh but Jesus. He can walk! Elizabeth suggests he stay the night and Kristy shits herself because omg! How embarrassing! It was your bright idea to invite him over and have him know your family better. It's a little late now to get your panties in a twist at how stupid your siblings are.
As Bart is calling his dad, the power goes out. Elizabeth says they might as well all go to bed and DM asks if Bart will sleep in Kristy's room. Damn DM! He has an otp! Besides kid, nothing would friggin' happen. This is K. Ron the Everlasting. She'd probably break Bart's fingers if he tried anything. Everyone gets ready for bed and Kristy runs around trying to keep Bart from seeing her in her pyjamas. Shit, I go to the mailbox in my PJs. She also doesn't want Bart to see her all bed head in the morning so she sets her alarm for 5:30. Again, it's nice to see Kristy acting like a real insecure teen but that doesn't make it any more believable. Need I remind you she wore the same clothes for seven weeks?
Chapter 12!-Claudia!
This chapter is nothing but Perfects Perkins prattle. It's snowing when Claud goes to their house but Claudia doesn't concern herself with that because snow? With a blizzard predicted? And the Perkins parent running off for dinner in the country? What could go wrong? Also the kids apparently like terrorizing their kitten because they chase him around the house and take him out of any hiding spot. I thought Ann owed cats. Doesn't she know you can't play with them the same way you would a dog? Poor kitty.
Mr. Perkins calls and tells them that they won't be able to make it home that night. Claudia says that's fine, she'll stay with the girls. She calls Rioko who says she'll be over right away. But Claudia says they'll be fine. Silly mom. Don't you know that BSC members are way more responsible than any adult? Oh, and Chewy disappears. Because Claudia is so responsible, you see. And a giant, rascally dog can vanish in a house with three people looking for him. This will be important later so write that down in your copybook.
Chapter 13!-Jessi!
Parents keep calling and saying they can't make it to the school to pick up their kids. Mme Noelle tells them not to worry, they'll keep them safe and feed them from the kitchen. I would have been right boned because my dance school sure didn't have a kitchen. There's a line at the phone for the kids to call their parents and Jessi notices that the little girl in front of her is crying. Jessi comforts her which is actually pretty sweet. Also the little girl has a dog named Tattoo and that's awesome.
But of course it devolves into Jessi watching all the kids because you know, BSC member! She gets the kids all settled down and where the fuck are the teachers? Shouldn't they be doing some of this? Just as Jessi is going to call the train station to page Quint, he shows up at the school. Damn. Quint is way more of a man than Bart. I'm pretty sure Bart's house is closer to Kristy's house than the train station is to the dance school. Also if this building is big enough for a kitchen, how the Hell did Quint know what room she was in?
Now, I just had to include this picture just for the epic bitchface of the chick behind Jessi. Just look at it! You can practically hear her saying 'This is such bullshit and I'm far to good for this. And look at Super Nanny over there. Get a life, Ramsey.' Also I really wish the artists would draw Jessi with her proper hair. She always mention she keeps it in a severe bun for ballet. At least it's off her face. But I still don't think such a tough teacher at a professional ballet school would let that half updo stand.
Chapter 14!-Mary Anne!
A stupid bit of Pike Kid Antics is thankfully interrupted by Dee calling and saying they won't be able to make it back that night. MA tells her it'll be fine and didn't I just read this? Parent calls BSC member->Parent can't make it home->BSC member says they'll be fine on their own->BSC member calls their parent->Parent says they'll come over->BSC member tells them not to worry. MA also tries to call the McGills but no one answers. How foreboding!
When the Pike kids start to complain about being hungry, MA and Mal realise, 'Oh, shit, we're almost out of food.' And here's what kills me, they say they have plenty of flour, sugar and some eggs. Make fucking pancakes. When you're a swinging bachelor like myself, surrounded by hungry wolves, you get used to making the most out of what little food there is. They also say they can borrow from Mrs. Barrett if need be and why the fuck does this never come up again?! This is where you break out your copybook. Seriously, just go to Richard or the Barretts, ask to borrow some eggs and shit and make pancakes! You can give them some of your emergency money to cover what they take. But noooo! These brainiacs can't come up with that. Instead they try to order pizzas. In the middle of a blizzard. Then the power goes out. Great.
Chapter 15!-Dawn!
Damn must have suffered some frostbite on her brain because she says staying the night at the airport is worse than the time she was stranded on that island. Because the chairs are hard. Because being in a life or death situation not knowing when you would eat next or if you'd ever see your family again or that you may be well on your way to a tragic story is better than your ass getting a little numb. Yes, you have food and shelter and your mother with you but uuhhhh! My butt hurts! Jesus Christo, Dawn in a fucking moron.
I will admit I did always like the whole airport thing because my Grampa was a pilot and we used to spend a lot of time at the airport. This was the 80s, you see. So, hanging out at the airport wasn't something you'd get every orifice in your body deep searched for. Sharon and Dawn wander around killing time till Jeff's delayed plane arrives. They buy something to read and wait for news. An announcement comes on that Jeff's flight was rerouted to DC. Sharon goes to talk to the clerk and they tell her that a flight attendant will look after him and get him a room at a hotel.
There's another announcement that the airport is closed and that everyone will have to stay the night there. Now, I once missed a flight due to some bullshit and had to stay the night at the airport. I was pissed. Yes, it was cold. Yes, it was uncomfortable. But would I choose that over being stranded on a fucking island? Of fucking course I would! But I, unlike Dawn, have never spent so much time in the sun that my brain ended up fried in it's own juices. I just imagine Dawn staring up at the sun saying 'I love you, California sunshine. I'm gonna marry you, California sunshine' while her retinas slowly burn away letting that good ol' California sunshine into her brain.
Part 1! Part 2!
-Song of the Day-
Chapter 11!-Kristy!
Nobody believes Karen that it's snowing and that's stupid on two levels. 1) Karen you flippin' idiot. If you didn't lie all the damned time maybe people would believe you. I hope a wolf eats her. 2) These dumb bastards still don't believe it's going to snow? Can you imagine how quickly Stoneybrook would get wiped off the map if they had tornadoes? Just picture it, there would be warnings and it'd be tornado season and they'd all just scoff at that being the dumbest thing they ever heard of and go about their business. 'Tornado warning? Yeah, right!' scoffed K. Ron as her roof blew off and Karen was carried away and lodged through a tree.
Kristy wants to die when Karen tells DM that his fly is open. Because Bart, being a teen boy, has never heard about flies being opened. Well, he didn't know that XYZ meant 'eXamine Your Zipper'. Bart sucks at being a teen boy. First he knows the colour puce and now this. But before Kristy can melt in embarrassment, DM yells that it is snowing and everyone runs to the windows. Bart says he'd better head home but Elizabeth nixes it. She says for him to just wait it out and she'll drive him. Isn't the Taylor household in walking distance? I think he'll survive just fine there, Bethy.
They have dessert and something that was always weird for me is that the have store bought pie and they heat in in the microwave. Aren't pies usually on tins? Did they remove the pie from the tin? Some stupid kid is going to blow their house up, Ann. We also get a play-by-play of how Karen eats her pie because God forbid any BSC book goes by without worshiping the ground she walks on and pointing out her 'cute' quirks and antics. She also puts her sweater pants on again and I pray that she's wearing pants underneath, because Bart should not being seeing her underwear.
When the time comes for Bart to go home, it's still snowing too hard for him to go. And again Watson and Elizabeth aren't sure about it. Maybe I'm just harsh but Jesus. He can walk! Elizabeth suggests he stay the night and Kristy shits herself because omg! How embarrassing! It was your bright idea to invite him over and have him know your family better. It's a little late now to get your panties in a twist at how stupid your siblings are.
As Bart is calling his dad, the power goes out. Elizabeth says they might as well all go to bed and DM asks if Bart will sleep in Kristy's room. Damn DM! He has an otp! Besides kid, nothing would friggin' happen. This is K. Ron the Everlasting. She'd probably break Bart's fingers if he tried anything. Everyone gets ready for bed and Kristy runs around trying to keep Bart from seeing her in her pyjamas. Shit, I go to the mailbox in my PJs. She also doesn't want Bart to see her all bed head in the morning so she sets her alarm for 5:30. Again, it's nice to see Kristy acting like a real insecure teen but that doesn't make it any more believable. Need I remind you she wore the same clothes for seven weeks?
Chapter 12!-Claudia!
This chapter is nothing but Perfects Perkins prattle. It's snowing when Claud goes to their house but Claudia doesn't concern herself with that because snow? With a blizzard predicted? And the Perkins parent running off for dinner in the country? What could go wrong? Also the kids apparently like terrorizing their kitten because they chase him around the house and take him out of any hiding spot. I thought Ann owed cats. Doesn't she know you can't play with them the same way you would a dog? Poor kitty.
Mr. Perkins calls and tells them that they won't be able to make it home that night. Claudia says that's fine, she'll stay with the girls. She calls Rioko who says she'll be over right away. But Claudia says they'll be fine. Silly mom. Don't you know that BSC members are way more responsible than any adult? Oh, and Chewy disappears. Because Claudia is so responsible, you see. And a giant, rascally dog can vanish in a house with three people looking for him. This will be important later so write that down in your copybook.
Chapter 13!-Jessi!
Parents keep calling and saying they can't make it to the school to pick up their kids. Mme Noelle tells them not to worry, they'll keep them safe and feed them from the kitchen. I would have been right boned because my dance school sure didn't have a kitchen. There's a line at the phone for the kids to call their parents and Jessi notices that the little girl in front of her is crying. Jessi comforts her which is actually pretty sweet. Also the little girl has a dog named Tattoo and that's awesome.
But of course it devolves into Jessi watching all the kids because you know, BSC member! She gets the kids all settled down and where the fuck are the teachers? Shouldn't they be doing some of this? Just as Jessi is going to call the train station to page Quint, he shows up at the school. Damn. Quint is way more of a man than Bart. I'm pretty sure Bart's house is closer to Kristy's house than the train station is to the dance school. Also if this building is big enough for a kitchen, how the Hell did Quint know what room she was in?
Now, I just had to include this picture just for the epic bitchface of the chick behind Jessi. Just look at it! You can practically hear her saying 'This is such bullshit and I'm far to good for this. And look at Super Nanny over there. Get a life, Ramsey.' Also I really wish the artists would draw Jessi with her proper hair. She always mention she keeps it in a severe bun for ballet. At least it's off her face. But I still don't think such a tough teacher at a professional ballet school would let that half updo stand.
Chapter 14!-Mary Anne!
A stupid bit of Pike Kid Antics is thankfully interrupted by Dee calling and saying they won't be able to make it back that night. MA tells her it'll be fine and didn't I just read this? Parent calls BSC member->Parent can't make it home->BSC member says they'll be fine on their own->BSC member calls their parent->Parent says they'll come over->BSC member tells them not to worry. MA also tries to call the McGills but no one answers. How foreboding!
When the Pike kids start to complain about being hungry, MA and Mal realise, 'Oh, shit, we're almost out of food.' And here's what kills me, they say they have plenty of flour, sugar and some eggs. Make fucking pancakes. When you're a swinging bachelor like myself, surrounded by hungry wolves, you get used to making the most out of what little food there is. They also say they can borrow from Mrs. Barrett if need be and why the fuck does this never come up again?! This is where you break out your copybook. Seriously, just go to Richard or the Barretts, ask to borrow some eggs and shit and make pancakes! You can give them some of your emergency money to cover what they take. But noooo! These brainiacs can't come up with that. Instead they try to order pizzas. In the middle of a blizzard. Then the power goes out. Great.
Chapter 15!-Dawn!
Damn must have suffered some frostbite on her brain because she says staying the night at the airport is worse than the time she was stranded on that island. Because the chairs are hard. Because being in a life or death situation not knowing when you would eat next or if you'd ever see your family again or that you may be well on your way to a tragic story is better than your ass getting a little numb. Yes, you have food and shelter and your mother with you but uuhhhh! My butt hurts! Jesus Christo, Dawn in a fucking moron.
I will admit I did always like the whole airport thing because my Grampa was a pilot and we used to spend a lot of time at the airport. This was the 80s, you see. So, hanging out at the airport wasn't something you'd get every orifice in your body deep searched for. Sharon and Dawn wander around killing time till Jeff's delayed plane arrives. They buy something to read and wait for news. An announcement comes on that Jeff's flight was rerouted to DC. Sharon goes to talk to the clerk and they tell her that a flight attendant will look after him and get him a room at a hotel.
There's another announcement that the airport is closed and that everyone will have to stay the night there. Now, I once missed a flight due to some bullshit and had to stay the night at the airport. I was pissed. Yes, it was cold. Yes, it was uncomfortable. But would I choose that over being stranded on a fucking island? Of fucking course I would! But I, unlike Dawn, have never spent so much time in the sun that my brain ended up fried in it's own juices. I just imagine Dawn staring up at the sun saying 'I love you, California sunshine. I'm gonna marry you, California sunshine' while her retinas slowly burn away letting that good ol' California sunshine into her brain.