LS #8: Karen's Haircut, Chapters 1-5
I re-read this one not too long ago, and...oh, dear. I'm not sure if I've ever cringed more while reading something. This might be difficult to snark in some places, but I don't think I'll have too much trouble with it.
And onward we go!
There's practically nothing in Chapter 1, so I'll summarize: Karen and Nancy play Lovely Ladies at Nancy's house. It goes smoothly until Karen looks at herself in the mirror: "I looked at myself carefully. I was dressed up - but my clothes couldn’t hide my glasses. They couldn’t hide my two front teeth, either. Those teeth used to be smaller. Then they fell out. When the grown-up teeth came in, they were huge. They looked like rabbit teeth. Plus, two of my side teeth on the top were loose. I hate loose teeth. But when they come out, I hate the spaces they leave even more."
In other words, she thinks she's ugly--and after what happened in School Picture, I can't and won't make fun of it, so I'm just gonna move on.
It's Chapter 2! Oh, no, it's the two-two chapter.
OK then, Chapter 3! Ah, it's a Big House weekend. And not much happens in this chapter, either. Oh, brother...
Moving right along to Chapter 4, then! This chapter actually has something interesting, I swear! Really!
...anyway, remember those loose teeth mentioned in Chapter 1 (of course you do, I've barely typed anything else so far...)? Well, Karen notices that one tooth is more loose than the other. Oh noes, whatever will she do? Oh, did you say something, Sam? You want to help get the tooth out? How?
"I can yank it out with pliers."
Oh hell no, we are not ripping out people's teeth like that. Try again.
"Or you can hold onto the tooth, and I’ll pull your hand out of your mouth."
That's not as bad as the pliers, but still...no. Got another idea there, bro?
"All right. There’s only one way left. I’ll tie a string around your tooth. Very carefully,” he added. “And I’ll tie the other end of the string to a doorknob. Then I’ll slam the door closed, and bam! Your tooth will come out. It will fly through the air on the string."
*gimere takes a moment to cringe*
OMFG NO THAT IS A TERRIBLE IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU--wait, Karen said that method would be OK?! Oh, dear, this isn't actually going to happen, right?
"'STOP!'” I cried. 'Forget it. I don’t want you to slam the door.'"
Oh, thank all that is holy for that. Karen, may I suggest asking someone else to help get the tooth out? What's that? You'll ask Watson? Good, I'm sure he'll have a bettter idea. BRB, going to make tea.
...OK, I'm back. What happened to your tooth, Karen? Watson got a tissue and got the tooth out painlessly? All righty then, don't forget to rinse your mouth out. You're doing that now? OK, good.
Are you finished now? Yes? Well anyway, let's move on--I'm sorry, what was that? Well, sure, I'll copy and paste this for you.
I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. Yuck. Now I had glasses, rabbit teeth, one loose tooth, and a hole in my mouth where the other tooth had been.
Ugly duckling, ugly duckling, I thought.
And I can't even snark on it, 'cause she's seven and that's a perfectly understandable reaction for someone her age.
So, what's going on in Chapter 5, Karen? Oh, you're going to Hannie's house to play? Well, I'm sure you'll have a nice time there. Skim, skim, skim...hmmm, they're playing tag now. I wonder where this is going.
I lost my balance and fell down.
“Oof!” I said. Then, “Oh! Oh, no!” I had fallen on my mouth, and - yes, my tooth had come out. My other loose tooth was rattling around in my mouth. I don’t think it had been ready to come out, but it was out anyway.
Ouch! And I'm not even kidding, that's a terrible way to lose a tooth, even it was loose.
So Karen goes inside to get cleaned up, and then feels even worse:
I wanted to go home. I had just peeked at myself in the bathroom mirror and I looked … like a freak. I had rabbit teeth, and gaps in my mouth everywhere, and my darn old glasses.
I was the ugliest duckling of all.
And again, I'm not making fun of her for feeling that way.
OK, I'm gonna stop for now, because, just as I thought, this is book is kind of hard for me to snark on. I swear I'll get to the actual haircut next time.
And onward we go!
There's practically nothing in Chapter 1, so I'll summarize: Karen and Nancy play Lovely Ladies at Nancy's house. It goes smoothly until Karen looks at herself in the mirror: "I looked at myself carefully. I was dressed up - but my clothes couldn’t hide my glasses. They couldn’t hide my two front teeth, either. Those teeth used to be smaller. Then they fell out. When the grown-up teeth came in, they were huge. They looked like rabbit teeth. Plus, two of my side teeth on the top were loose. I hate loose teeth. But when they come out, I hate the spaces they leave even more."
In other words, she thinks she's ugly--and after what happened in School Picture, I can't and won't make fun of it, so I'm just gonna move on.
It's Chapter 2! Oh, no, it's the two-two chapter.
OK then, Chapter 3! Ah, it's a Big House weekend. And not much happens in this chapter, either. Oh, brother...
Moving right along to Chapter 4, then! This chapter actually has something interesting, I swear! Really!
...anyway, remember those loose teeth mentioned in Chapter 1 (of course you do, I've barely typed anything else so far...)? Well, Karen notices that one tooth is more loose than the other. Oh noes, whatever will she do? Oh, did you say something, Sam? You want to help get the tooth out? How?
"I can yank it out with pliers."
Oh hell no, we are not ripping out people's teeth like that. Try again.
"Or you can hold onto the tooth, and I’ll pull your hand out of your mouth."
That's not as bad as the pliers, but still...no. Got another idea there, bro?
"All right. There’s only one way left. I’ll tie a string around your tooth. Very carefully,” he added. “And I’ll tie the other end of the string to a doorknob. Then I’ll slam the door closed, and bam! Your tooth will come out. It will fly through the air on the string."
*gimere takes a moment to cringe*
OMFG NO THAT IS A TERRIBLE IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU--wait, Karen said that method would be OK?! Oh, dear, this isn't actually going to happen, right?
"'STOP!'” I cried. 'Forget it. I don’t want you to slam the door.'"
Oh, thank all that is holy for that. Karen, may I suggest asking someone else to help get the tooth out? What's that? You'll ask Watson? Good, I'm sure he'll have a bettter idea. BRB, going to make tea.
...OK, I'm back. What happened to your tooth, Karen? Watson got a tissue and got the tooth out painlessly? All righty then, don't forget to rinse your mouth out. You're doing that now? OK, good.
Are you finished now? Yes? Well anyway, let's move on--I'm sorry, what was that? Well, sure, I'll copy and paste this for you.
I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. Yuck. Now I had glasses, rabbit teeth, one loose tooth, and a hole in my mouth where the other tooth had been.
Ugly duckling, ugly duckling, I thought.
And I can't even snark on it, 'cause she's seven and that's a perfectly understandable reaction for someone her age.
So, what's going on in Chapter 5, Karen? Oh, you're going to Hannie's house to play? Well, I'm sure you'll have a nice time there. Skim, skim, skim...hmmm, they're playing tag now. I wonder where this is going.
I lost my balance and fell down.
“Oof!” I said. Then, “Oh! Oh, no!” I had fallen on my mouth, and - yes, my tooth had come out. My other loose tooth was rattling around in my mouth. I don’t think it had been ready to come out, but it was out anyway.
Ouch! And I'm not even kidding, that's a terrible way to lose a tooth, even it was loose.
So Karen goes inside to get cleaned up, and then feels even worse:
I wanted to go home. I had just peeked at myself in the bathroom mirror and I looked … like a freak. I had rabbit teeth, and gaps in my mouth everywhere, and my darn old glasses.
I was the ugliest duckling of all.
And again, I'm not making fun of her for feeling that way.
OK, I'm gonna stop for now, because, just as I thought, this is book is kind of hard for me to snark on. I swear I'll get to the actual haircut next time.