LS #5: Karen's School Picture, Chapters 1-12
OK, after my last snark, I figured the next one ought to be of a book that doesn't make go "...I can't." over and over. And since this book hasn't been snarked yet, I decided to give it a go.
Chapter 1 opens with dialogue (Stop that, Ann and ghosties! You don't need to have nearly every book begin with a set of quotation marks, for goodness' sake!): “Hi, Ms. Colman! Hi, Ms. Colman!” Yeah, we're at school, all right.
This chapter's pretty unremarkable, so I'm just going to skim it:
- "Ms. Colman is my second-grade teacher. She is very, very, very nice. She always helps kids and never yells at them. So I like her a lot." Well, she may not yell, but I'd like y'all to view Exhibits A (specifically Chapter 11), B, and C (chapter 10). Feel free to draw your own conclusions.
- OMG YOU GAIZ SCHOOL PICTURES WILL BE TAKEN IN TWO WEEKS! (Y'all saw that coming, right? Right? Yeah? OK, I'll move on.)
- The end of the chapter has a bit of foreshadowing: Karen has a headache and her eyes hurt.
Oh, it's Chapter 2. Me? Recap the two-two chapter?
On to Chapter 3, then! Oh, it's a big house weekend. Yay, I guess. Oh, God, REALLY?! Some of Chapter 2 seeped into Chapter 3! Ugh. Skim, skim, skim.
...oh, there's the plot again. Kristy and Karen are going to take turns reading a bedtime story, Karen will go first. She can only manage two pages before her eyes begin to ache again, so Kristy finishes the chapter.
(God, this book is annoying to snark. I can see why no one else has tackled it. Anyway...)
It's Chapter 4, yay! It's raining. Thankfully, this doesn't lead into a "OMG we're sooooooo bored" whine sequence--Watson suggests reading by the fire as a family (NGL, I would've loved to do that), which is OK with everyone. So everything is going swimmingly until it's Karen's turn to read--she has to stop after a page and a half. Even moving the book closer and farther doesn't help. Oh noes, whatever could the problem be?
...oh, yeah, Karen's having vision problems. Time to go to the eyedoctor!
In the interest of livening up this snark, here's Chapter 4's illustration:
"Oh noes, not teh eye doctor!"
Why is practically nothing happening in these chapters? Anyway, in Chapter 5, Watson tells Lisa about Karen's vision problems, Lisa says she'll make an eye doctor's appointment the next day (Speaking of eye doctor appointments, I have one and may need to reschedule it. But I digress.). Karen simply can't bear the thought of having to wear--ZOMG GASP!--glasses. Hey, Karen, do you want to be able to see better so you can do your schoolwork? Yes? OK then. Glasses it is.
(OK, to be fair, her fear of "looking funny" is an understandable one for a six-year-old, but still.)
The ophthalmologist appointment is Chapter 6 and some of Chapter 7. I can't be too critical of anything here. Well, except for this:
“Hello,” Mommy said to the woman. “I am Mrs. Engle. This is my daughter, Karen. We have just come from Doctor Gourson’s office. Karen needs two pairs of glasses.” She handed the woman the slip of paper.
The woman looked at me and smiled. “Two pairs of glasses for Karen Engle,” she said.
“Brewer,” I corrected her. (That is another problem with being a two-two.)
Why couldn't Lisa just say something like, "Hello, I am Lisa Engle, and this is my daughter Karen Brewer."? Is that really so hard?
So, anyway, Karen gets her pink and blue glasses.
Here, have another illustration:
Are those glasses, or seagulls? Seriously, illustrator? You couldn't at least try to make those look like glasses?
Chapter 8 involves Karen showing her glasses to Nancy. w00t.
Would you believe that interesting things happen in Chapter 9? They do! Really!
Karen's nervous about going to school with her glasses (I can't and won't snark that. Her nervousness is completely understandable). At first everything seems OK--Hannie, Natalie and Ms. Colman like Karen's glasses, and two other kids didn't even notice them.
But then Ricky comes in and is a little shit to Karen, calling her four-eyes and asking "Are you just blind or are you as blind as an ugly old bat?" Karen counters with "I am not blind at all. With my glasses on, I can see just fine. And besides, I think it’s mean to tease about being blind. What if I really were blind?" Some of you may be asking why Ricky's being so mean. Well, here's an answer:
Ricky has hated me ever since the time I broke my wrist and he broke his ankle. We got casts at the same time. Each of us got lots of people to sign our casts. Ricky even got some baseball player to sign his. But I got a witch and an actress and Mr. Tastee to sign my cast. The witch was old Mrs. Porter who lives next door to Daddy. The actress was a friend of Mommy’s. And Mr. Tastee drives the Mr. Tastee ice-cream truck all over town. The kids in our class liked my autographs better than Ricky’s.
That seems pretty realistic to me. Also, look! Karen actually used Mrs. Porter's name instead of Morbidda Destiny! I'm amazed.
So anyway, blah blah Ricky's annoying, how will Karen's picture look now that she has to wear glasses, yadda yadda yadda.
(I'm not even halfway through and I feel like I can't go on. Self, calm down. You survived Abby and the Notorious Neighbor. You can get through this.)
Chapter 10 summary: art class, Ricky still teasing Karen, Karen gets moved to the front row (and I still find it pointless to do that, since Karen already has her glasses and all), Ricky calls Karen a teacher's pet (and she is, but A: she's not so bad in this book and B: being moved to front of the classroom to accommodate for vision problems isn't teacher's pet behavior, so stuff it, Ricky), Karen thinks "I will get you, Ricky Torres."
Chapter 11 summary: Karen "forgets" her glasses at home, Lisa brings them in, Ricky is still a little shit.
Chapter 12. Oh goodness gracious, Chapter 12. This chapter is titled "Mean Things to Do to Ricky Torres." As you might imagine, Karen makes a list of mean things. What's that, Karen? You want me to list the things, too? Oh, all right.
1: Tell him he smells. [This one's fairly harmless.]
2: Put my strawberry eraser in his desk and tell Ms. Colman he stole it. [Seriously?! Ugh...]
3: Tattle on him to Ms. Colman about the names he calls me. [Nothing wrong with this one.]
4: Put a worm in his lunch box. [Let's hope it's rubber.]
5: Put pepper (lots of it) in his lunch box. [*eyeroll*]
6: Hide his reading book. [
You know what? I was going to do the whole book in one shot, but I have to stop here before I get seriously pissed off.
Chapter 1 opens with dialogue (Stop that, Ann and ghosties! You don't need to have nearly every book begin with a set of quotation marks, for goodness' sake!): “Hi, Ms. Colman! Hi, Ms. Colman!” Yeah, we're at school, all right.
This chapter's pretty unremarkable, so I'm just going to skim it:
- "Ms. Colman is my second-grade teacher. She is very, very, very nice. She always helps kids and never yells at them. So I like her a lot." Well, she may not yell, but I'd like y'all to view Exhibits A (specifically Chapter 11), B, and C (chapter 10). Feel free to draw your own conclusions.
- OMG YOU GAIZ SCHOOL PICTURES WILL BE TAKEN IN TWO WEEKS! (Y'all saw that coming, right? Right? Yeah? OK, I'll move on.)
- The end of the chapter has a bit of foreshadowing: Karen has a headache and her eyes hurt.
Oh, it's Chapter 2. Me? Recap the two-two chapter?
Click to viewOn to Chapter 3, then! Oh, it's a big house weekend. Yay, I guess. Oh, God, REALLY?! Some of Chapter 2 seeped into Chapter 3! Ugh. Skim, skim, skim.
...oh, there's the plot again. Kristy and Karen are going to take turns reading a bedtime story, Karen will go first. She can only manage two pages before her eyes begin to ache again, so Kristy finishes the chapter.
(God, this book is annoying to snark. I can see why no one else has tackled it. Anyway...)
It's Chapter 4, yay! It's raining. Thankfully, this doesn't lead into a "OMG we're sooooooo bored" whine sequence--Watson suggests reading by the fire as a family (NGL, I would've loved to do that), which is OK with everyone. So everything is going swimmingly until it's Karen's turn to read--she has to stop after a page and a half. Even moving the book closer and farther doesn't help. Oh noes, whatever could the problem be?
...oh, yeah, Karen's having vision problems. Time to go to the eyedoctor!
In the interest of livening up this snark, here's Chapter 4's illustration:
"Oh noes, not teh eye doctor!"
Why is practically nothing happening in these chapters? Anyway, in Chapter 5, Watson tells Lisa about Karen's vision problems, Lisa says she'll make an eye doctor's appointment the next day (Speaking of eye doctor appointments, I have one and may need to reschedule it. But I digress.). Karen simply can't bear the thought of having to wear--ZOMG GASP!--glasses. Hey, Karen, do you want to be able to see better so you can do your schoolwork? Yes? OK then. Glasses it is.
(OK, to be fair, her fear of "looking funny" is an understandable one for a six-year-old, but still.)
The ophthalmologist appointment is Chapter 6 and some of Chapter 7. I can't be too critical of anything here. Well, except for this:
“Hello,” Mommy said to the woman. “I am Mrs. Engle. This is my daughter, Karen. We have just come from Doctor Gourson’s office. Karen needs two pairs of glasses.” She handed the woman the slip of paper.
The woman looked at me and smiled. “Two pairs of glasses for Karen Engle,” she said.
“Brewer,” I corrected her. (That is another problem with being a two-two.)
Why couldn't Lisa just say something like, "Hello, I am Lisa Engle, and this is my daughter Karen Brewer."? Is that really so hard?
So, anyway, Karen gets her pink and blue glasses.
Here, have another illustration:
Are those glasses, or seagulls? Seriously, illustrator? You couldn't at least try to make those look like glasses?
Chapter 8 involves Karen showing her glasses to Nancy. w00t.
Would you believe that interesting things happen in Chapter 9? They do! Really!
Karen's nervous about going to school with her glasses (I can't and won't snark that. Her nervousness is completely understandable). At first everything seems OK--Hannie, Natalie and Ms. Colman like Karen's glasses, and two other kids didn't even notice them.
But then Ricky comes in and is a little shit to Karen, calling her four-eyes and asking "Are you just blind or are you as blind as an ugly old bat?" Karen counters with "I am not blind at all. With my glasses on, I can see just fine. And besides, I think it’s mean to tease about being blind. What if I really were blind?" Some of you may be asking why Ricky's being so mean. Well, here's an answer:
Ricky has hated me ever since the time I broke my wrist and he broke his ankle. We got casts at the same time. Each of us got lots of people to sign our casts. Ricky even got some baseball player to sign his. But I got a witch and an actress and Mr. Tastee to sign my cast. The witch was old Mrs. Porter who lives next door to Daddy. The actress was a friend of Mommy’s. And Mr. Tastee drives the Mr. Tastee ice-cream truck all over town. The kids in our class liked my autographs better than Ricky’s.
That seems pretty realistic to me. Also, look! Karen actually used Mrs. Porter's name instead of Morbidda Destiny! I'm amazed.
So anyway, blah blah Ricky's annoying, how will Karen's picture look now that she has to wear glasses, yadda yadda yadda.
(I'm not even halfway through and I feel like I can't go on. Self, calm down. You survived Abby and the Notorious Neighbor. You can get through this.)
Chapter 10 summary: art class, Ricky still teasing Karen, Karen gets moved to the front row (and I still find it pointless to do that, since Karen already has her glasses and all), Ricky calls Karen a teacher's pet (and she is, but A: she's not so bad in this book and B: being moved to front of the classroom to accommodate for vision problems isn't teacher's pet behavior, so stuff it, Ricky), Karen thinks "I will get you, Ricky Torres."
Chapter 11 summary: Karen "forgets" her glasses at home, Lisa brings them in, Ricky is still a little shit.
Chapter 12. Oh goodness gracious, Chapter 12. This chapter is titled "Mean Things to Do to Ricky Torres." As you might imagine, Karen makes a list of mean things. What's that, Karen? You want me to list the things, too? Oh, all right.
1: Tell him he smells. [This one's fairly harmless.]
2: Put my strawberry eraser in his desk and tell Ms. Colman he stole it. [Seriously?! Ugh...]
3: Tattle on him to Ms. Colman about the names he calls me. [Nothing wrong with this one.]
4: Put a worm in his lunch box. [Let's hope it's rubber.]
5: Put pepper (lots of it) in his lunch box. [*eyeroll*]
6: Hide his reading book. [
You know what? I was going to do the whole book in one shot, but I have to stop here before I get seriously pissed off.