Don't Forget
Title: Don't Forget
Author: Brittany
Teaser: For what it's worth, it was worth it all along
Summary: Miley is leaving for Tennessee but not before Lilly makes a stunning admission that changes everything about their relationship.
Pairing: Lilly/Miley
Rated: R
Spoilers: Miley Says Goodbye?
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
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Chapter Two
“I can't find a wall to pin this to,
They're all coming down since I've found you.
I just wanna be where you are tonight.
I run in the dark looking for some light,
And how will we know if we just don't try,
We won't ever know.
Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me tell you why,
I would die for you.”
Light Up The Sky- Yellowcard
Laying flat on my back in my seemingly empty bed, I watch as the Malibu sunlight dances across the hardwood flooring of my bedroom. Caressing through the blinds that are tucked ever so tightly shut, the warmth of the glowing sun creates shadows in the corners of my room, bringing the darkened room to life. The sleep fled from my eyes hours ago when I couldn't get her beautiful face out of mind, when I could not stop replaying every moment in the back of my mind as if they were the last ones that I would ever experience. Her smile, her eyes, her touch, her taste, because in a few days, those memories of her are the only thing that I will have left to hold onto.
Sighing in exasperation, I push myself upward in the bed, running my fingers through my tangled mess of golden blond hair. When did things get to be so complicated? I remember when she first told me she was Hannah Montana, I thought it was the hardest thing that we would ever have to go through together. The hiding. The secrets. Then, the Jake Ryan thing happened. He came along, made her fall in love with him only to break her heart in the end, I thought that was the hardest thing we would ever have to go through together. Then, she found out about my relationship with Oliver and I thought that was the hardest thing we would ever have to overcome and we did. But now, this, the moving thing? No, I shake my head, this is the hardest thing that has ever happened to us and the kiss last night sure as hell didn't make it any easier.
It happened so fast that I can not even begin to process what happened. She was telling me how amazing I am and then, the next thing I know my lips are devouring hers. I just...I saw her leaving, I felt her pulling away from me and I panicked. Because it shouldn't be this way. She shouldn't be leaving for Tennessee, she shouldn't be pretending like nothing is between us when we both know that it has always been so much more than friendship and she shouldn't walk away from me when she is the only thing that matters to me in this crazy world.
But, she is leaving and once she is on that plane to Tennessee, she's never going to look back. I'll simply become the naïve girl she met in California, the girl who she spent some of the best years of her career with. She'll forget everything about me, my name, my voice, my face, until I simply become the product of a story she tells her children and friends. She'll leave and I'll mean nothing to her, because maybe I never did. Maybe I've just been lying to myself all this time.
I grab the Blackberry that sits idly by on my nightstand, staring at the photograph of the two of us plastered as my wallpaper. I struggle to keep the burning tears at bay as I notice the six missed calls, I click to read them to find they are all from Miley. I sigh as I dial the number to my voice-mail, allowing the automatic voice tell me that I have a new message and it does not take long before the most beautiful melody of a voice fills my room and instantly steals my heart, the way she has so many times before.
“Hey Lil. It's me. It's M-Miley...Miley Stewart. You know the girl that you kissed tonight? Yeah. Look, I was just calling because I think that we...we need to talk, don't you? I mean, you just stormed out of my house and you didn't give me a chance to...us a chance to...I don't...I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to say, I just...please call me back when you get this, okay? I don't...I don't want to leave things like this,” She states in her southern voice, before silence fills the air but she doesn't end the call. Instead she lets out a quiet breath of air, followed by a sniffle and another break is created in my fragile heart, a break that is yet again, the property of Miley Rae Stewart.
“I wish things could be different, you know? Because if things were different, if this was a different time...I could...oh, Lil. Just call me back,” She cries before the message ends. The burning tears fall down my cheeks, each one cutting away at me slowly, one painful piece at a time, until I am bleeding love for the girl who has held every piece of my heart since we were fourteen years old. I groan with a quiet curse, tossing the Blackberry onto the empty bed as I twist my fingers in my hair, wishing with all of my heart that this could be different. That she could maybe, just maybe, fall in love with me, too.
“Lilly! It's time for school!” My father's voice echos up the stairwell and I shake my head with a sigh. School today is just not an option for me, I chuckle. I can't go to a place where I am forced to see Miley for eight hours, I can't go to a place where I am forced to reap the consequences of my actions last night.
“Uh, I'm not going today, Dad!” I yell back.
“Why? Are you sick? Do you need me to take you to the doctor?” Dad exclaims, and I can tell that he is getting closer to my room now. I slowly jump to my feet, shivering as my bare feet hit the ice known as hardwood flooring, crossing my arms over my chest as I stand behind my door.
“No, I just...I have a lot of stuff going on today, school really would just be a bad idea right now,” I exclaim with a sigh, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. It is different living with my dad than with my mom and I guess what he lacks in the understanding of women, he makes up for with the non-hovering.
“Okay. Well, if you want to talk...Margret says that she is available all day!” He replies and I can not stop the chuckle that escapes from my pink lips. The poor man, I smile, he tries so hard sometimes.
“I'll be sure to remember that,” I reply with a smile and a chuckle. I wait for a moment before I hear the front door shut and I hear his car pull out of the driveway. Satisfied with my win, I smile with a laugh before I grab the guitar that sits idly beside of my bedpost and collapse onto the large, yet very lonely, Queen sized bed.
Staring at the wooden contraption in my hands, I can not stop the memory from playing in my mind of the day when Miley first heard me play, the way that she smiled and cooed and laughed. Yet, even that memory, although recent, is slowly beginning to fade in my mind. And I know that it is not long before I lose her entirely. Closing my eyes, it is her beautiful face that I see, her gorgeous blue eyes shinning beneath her brunette hair and she is the muse that creates the beautiful melody that my fingers strum against the strings.
“I walk around like a nervous wreck, I'm a fool but what the heck, I'm standing up to my neck in desire. I want to call, I want you to know, what I'm feeling in my soul, girl, I tried but I can't control this fire. It's killing me, you're all I see, one life is not enough. You're all I need, the air I breathe, I can't live without your love,” The lyrics escape from my lips in a slow, velvet-like melody and it's her face that I see, her touch that aches me to the core, her taste that dances across my lips.
“I've been searching all my life just to feel this way inside and now that I do, I just can't hide no more. The touch, the feel of your skin makes me feel alive again and it shakes me to the core. It's killing me, you're all I see, one life is not enough. You're all I need, the air I breathe, I can't live without your love,” I sing and I open my eyes, allowing the tears to burn in my eyes, that is when I see her standing in my doorway, a very similar expression upon her face. She doesn't say anything as I continue to strum the melody, instead she only smiles as a stray tear cascades down her cheek.
“I just want to hold you, for the rest of my life,” I whisper as my voice breaks.
“You're all I need, the air I breathe, I can't live without your love,” It is her melodic voice that surprises me now with a sniffle and a smile. I shake my head with a sigh before my trembling fingers brush against the strings, allowing the burning sensation to fall down my powdered cheeks.
“I can't live without your love. I walk around like a nervous wreck, I'm a fool but what the heck,” I whisper before the melody trails off into the silence of my bedroom. Suddenly, she says nothing and neither do I, but we become lost in the moment, lost in the music and the words that neither one of us would ever be strong enough to say. I sigh, brushing my golden hair away from my face as I sit the guitar down and I try to control the racing heart in my chest that ultimately belongs to her, every small piece of it. The bitter truth rings loud in the silence now, the truth of her leaving and the truth of my endless love for her, two things, that no matter how hard I tried, I could never change. I couldn't take back the kiss that I shared with her last night and I couldn't take back the fact that every time she looked at me with her precious blue eyes, I fell even more in love with her than before.
“Mr. Trescott let me in as he was leaving. He thinks that we should talk,” She chuckles with a smile, taking another very small step toward me. How could she not know? How could she not know that she had me hanging onto every word as if they were the last ones that I would ever have the privilege of hearing? How could she not know that I would give up everything that I have to see her smile? How could she not know, that after these past four years together, she is everything that I could ever need in my life? Not Matt, not Oliver, but her. Miley Rae Stewart. Forever and always.
“Yeah, I figured as much. Margret is very busy today with the office and all,” I joke with a roll of my eyes and when she laughs, I take a moment to mesmerize the sweetest sound that I have ever heard and I find a smile forming on my lips as well. My eyes trail from the neck of the guitar until they are crashing with the world's most beautiful shade of azul and slowly, I feel the entire world begin to fall away around me. The worries of college, the trouble between my parents, the fear of her leaving for Tennessee. Suddenly, nothing else matters but the beautiful brunette who is standing in my bedroom with a heart stealing smile playing upon her all to perfect lips. Suddenly nothing else matters but her.
“Listen...I think that we should talk, too. Because you just stormed out and you didn't give me a chance to process...to...last night was...” Her voice trails off with a sigh before her pleading blue eyes meet with mine yet again and I simply shrug my shoulders. No words could explain the impulsive actions that occurred last night other than my love for her, and I knew that no matter how hard I explained it, she would never truly be able to understand the depths of which I care for her.
“Last night was impulsive and it was a mistake, yeah I get it. Between Jake and Nick...I should have gotten the message but I didn't. Last night, I saw you leaving, I felt myself losing you and I got caught up in the moment and I panicked. And I would explain it to you but no matter how hard I try, you'll never understand. You're still going to leave for Tennessee, so, why don't we just forget it?” I snap toward her, the amount of hurt and bitterness clearly evident in my voice. It was always right there for us, how could she have been so blind to ignore it? How could she ignore the fact that I could love her more than Jake or Nick ever could? How could she not know that she is meant to be with me?
“I don't want to forget it,” She states and it catches my attention, I snap my head up from the spot on the guitar that I have been staring at and it chills me when I find her blue eyes staring into mine. With a wrinkled brow and confusion written upon her face, hurt instilled within the swirls of azul, I can not help but think that she is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my life. Yet, no matter how hard I try, nothing is going to change the fact that I am going to lose her anyway, I'm beginning to realize that my falling in love and losing her is simply inevitable.
“Miley...don't,” I plead, hoping to leave this less painful than it has to be. But, if there is one thing that I have to say about Miley, when she wants something, nothing stands in her way. And clearly, standing here, her fingers twisted in her hair, she is wanting answers. Answers to the questions that I can't even possibly begin to explain. Answers that I just don't have.
“No. You don't get to storm out of my house, leave me calls unanswered and just expect me to be okay with it. You kissed me, remember?” She exclaims and I laugh with a roll of my eyes. For so long, I have pushed my feelings away in fear of hurting her, and now is clearly no exception. She wants Tennessee, she needs Tennessee and I can't give her any reason to give that up.
“Of course I remember. I was there! I was the one who had to sit there and listen to you tell me how amazing of a friend that I am and how I changed your life and not say anything. Didn't you think that it was hard for me?! Don't you think that this is hard for me?! You're leaving for Tennessee, Miles, and there isn't a damn thing that I can say or do now that will change that!” I snap at her, raising my voice loudly. She winces at the loudness of my voice, clearly surprised that I would even dare raise my voice to her and frankly, she isn't the only one who is surprised by the situation. I've yelled at only a select few people in my life, and none of them have ever, ever, been Miley.
“Lilly...I...you don't...the hardest thing about all of this, the hardest thing about Tennessee, is leaving you,” She whispers, a crack in her voice and suddenly, those infamous tears find their way back into my eyes. We were meant for so much more than this, but now we would never have the chance. I will love her more than any one else in the world, but at the end of the day, it just is not going to be enough. Our paths were always meant to intertwine, yet now, I'm beginning to realize that maybe she was never meant to be mine.
“It doesn't matter. You're going. And we should just leave it at that,” I explain with a sigh and a shrug of my shoulders. It's easy to watch her walk out of my life with a fake smile and blistering tears than to watch her walk out of my life knowing that I am in love with her but am not enough for her. It is just easier to pretend like none of this ever happened, my heart can heal quicker that way.
“No, I'm sorry but I can't. You kissed me last night and I have to know why,” She demands and I chuckle, quickly jumping to feet as I twist my fingers in my blond hair, tugging slightly. How could she not see that she is breaking me down, piece by piece? How could she not see that even on my best days, she deserved so much better than what I could give to her?
“Damn it, Miley! No! Okay?! No! I'm not doing this with you. Not here. Not now. Because there is nothing that I can say that will make a difference to you! You are leaving for Tennessee and when you go, you are never going to look back. So, it doesn't matter!” I exclaim and when she takes a powerful step in front of me, that is when I know that things are very much different than I could have ever expected.
“It matters to me, and I know that it matters to you, or else you wouldn't have done it. Just talk to me, please. We deserve at least that much, don't you think?” She pleads, her voice threatening to break and it shakes me to the core. The look that is sparkling within her eyes is one that I've never seen before, it tells me all the things that she will never have the strength to say, all the things that make it easier for my heart to beat to the rhythm of her name. She is everything that I want, everything that I need, but everything that I will never have the chance to hold.
“Miley...” I plead and she shakes her head with a sigh.
“Lilly, please,” She sighs and it is at that moment in my life, when every wall that I have ever built up to keep her out, suddenly comes tumbling down. Every brick that I placed around my heart destroyed as if it was attacked by dynamite. Every promise that I ever made to myself that she would not see this side of me, broken in a matter of seconds.
“You...you aren't going to understand it,” I struggle to catch the breath she is taking away from me.
“Try me,” She flickers a smile.
“I...I watched you with Jake...with Nick and I know better. I know better than to do this, than to say this. But you...you deserve to know. You have a right to know. Because you're Miley and you just...you deserve at least that much from me,” I sigh, steadying myself as my eyes lock with her and suddenly it as if my heart is practically throwing the words out of my lips in a very Taylor Swift white horse princess-y type of manner.
“I...I kissed you because...because I think that your laugh is the best sound that I've ever heard. Because every time you smile, I can't help but smile. Because, you like the music that I like and you...you laugh when I act stupid. Because...because I am the only person who can make you laugh when you know that you are about to cry. B-because I will sit up for hours on end just for you to call when you are on tour because I can't fall asleep without hearing your voice,” I exclaim and I count the swirls of blue in her eyes, wishing away every tear that forms within them, because she deserves so much more than to hurt like this.
“Because, I'm the only person who can tell when you are lying. I kissed you because I like the way that your hair shades your face, the way those cute little freckles dance around your nose. Because I know all of your favorite songs, and I'm the only one who truly understands what goes on in that brilliant mind of yours. Because you think I look great when my hair is a mess and when I get upset, you are always the one who understands, no matter how stupid it may be. Because we've had our fair share of fights, of sleepless nights, but we always find our way back to each other. Always. No matter who or what stands in our way. I kissed you because when I'm with you, I lose my focus and am aware of nothing else around me. Because I watch you talk, but you don't notice, and I don't hear a word that you say because all I can think about is how badly Jake and Nick has hurt you and how much you belong with me,” I cry, my voice breaking as I suck in a breath of air, the tears cascading down my cheeks.
“I kissed you b-because I love you, Miley. I've always loved you and I always will love you. And I'm sorry if that puts a wrench in your plans or if that puts you in a bad position. But last night, when you were talking to me about how great I was, all I could think about was how you are meant to be with me. Not Jake. Not Nick. Not Jim-Bob or Travis or whoever the hell else you might fall for in Tennessee. You are meant to be with me, damn it. Because I'm in love with you! And distance isn't going to change that,” I admit in a flush of tears and cries. I expect her to scream at me, to tell me that she never wants to see me again and storm out of my house. I expect her to take back everything that she said last night, to tell me that she can't be with me and get n a plane to Tennessee tonight. But instead of the screaming, the cursing, and the fighting that I had so long expected, there is simply just silence and then, something I could have never expected.
“I love you, too,” She whispers, her voice barely audible. It surprises me and I snap my head up at the sound of the four words escaping from her and she giggles with a smile at the look upon my face. My lips tremble but no words escape from me, instead I only stare, dumbstruck that such words could be spoken truthfully. She takes a small step toward me, her eyes glistening with tears and my stomach flips.
“You do?” asks I.
“Yeah. I-I do,” She replies with a faint laugh, “I think I always have, I just didn't want to realize until last night and now...you're standing there and I just...I love you so much.” Her fingers intertwine around mine and I can not find the words to speak, so instead, I only stare at her with tears in my eyes.
“You're still leaving for Tennessee,” I sigh in a whimper.
“Give me a reason to stay,” She demands and I close my eyes, allowing the bitter tears to burn behind my closed eyelids. I can feel the world racing in orbit around me, so many things that are meant to happen that aren't, so many feelings that shouldn't be felt but just are. Suddenly her lips are colliding hard with my own and it does not take but a second to react as my hands curve at her waist. Her bottom lip slips under my tongue as her teeth graze upon my bottom lip, tugging gently. Pushing me backward, we collapse on my bed as our legs become intertwined. My fingers trail her body as they tug upon the bottom of the shirt, slipping the beat up concert tee from her tan body and onto the floor. She pulls away for a moment, heaving to catch her breath and I shiver a sigh, reaching forward as I brush her brunette hair away from her flawless face.
“Please don't go. I need you. I need you to just...don't go,” I beg and she kisses me with a smile.
Author: Brittany
Teaser: For what it's worth, it was worth it all along
Summary: Miley is leaving for Tennessee but not before Lilly makes a stunning admission that changes everything about their relationship.
Pairing: Lilly/Miley
Rated: R
Spoilers: Miley Says Goodbye?
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
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Chapter Two
“I can't find a wall to pin this to,
They're all coming down since I've found you.
I just wanna be where you are tonight.
I run in the dark looking for some light,
And how will we know if we just don't try,
We won't ever know.
Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me tell you why,
I would die for you.”
Light Up The Sky- Yellowcard
Laying flat on my back in my seemingly empty bed, I watch as the Malibu sunlight dances across the hardwood flooring of my bedroom. Caressing through the blinds that are tucked ever so tightly shut, the warmth of the glowing sun creates shadows in the corners of my room, bringing the darkened room to life. The sleep fled from my eyes hours ago when I couldn't get her beautiful face out of mind, when I could not stop replaying every moment in the back of my mind as if they were the last ones that I would ever experience. Her smile, her eyes, her touch, her taste, because in a few days, those memories of her are the only thing that I will have left to hold onto.
Sighing in exasperation, I push myself upward in the bed, running my fingers through my tangled mess of golden blond hair. When did things get to be so complicated? I remember when she first told me she was Hannah Montana, I thought it was the hardest thing that we would ever have to go through together. The hiding. The secrets. Then, the Jake Ryan thing happened. He came along, made her fall in love with him only to break her heart in the end, I thought that was the hardest thing we would ever have to go through together. Then, she found out about my relationship with Oliver and I thought that was the hardest thing we would ever have to overcome and we did. But now, this, the moving thing? No, I shake my head, this is the hardest thing that has ever happened to us and the kiss last night sure as hell didn't make it any easier.
It happened so fast that I can not even begin to process what happened. She was telling me how amazing I am and then, the next thing I know my lips are devouring hers. I just...I saw her leaving, I felt her pulling away from me and I panicked. Because it shouldn't be this way. She shouldn't be leaving for Tennessee, she shouldn't be pretending like nothing is between us when we both know that it has always been so much more than friendship and she shouldn't walk away from me when she is the only thing that matters to me in this crazy world.
But, she is leaving and once she is on that plane to Tennessee, she's never going to look back. I'll simply become the naïve girl she met in California, the girl who she spent some of the best years of her career with. She'll forget everything about me, my name, my voice, my face, until I simply become the product of a story she tells her children and friends. She'll leave and I'll mean nothing to her, because maybe I never did. Maybe I've just been lying to myself all this time.
I grab the Blackberry that sits idly by on my nightstand, staring at the photograph of the two of us plastered as my wallpaper. I struggle to keep the burning tears at bay as I notice the six missed calls, I click to read them to find they are all from Miley. I sigh as I dial the number to my voice-mail, allowing the automatic voice tell me that I have a new message and it does not take long before the most beautiful melody of a voice fills my room and instantly steals my heart, the way she has so many times before.
“Hey Lil. It's me. It's M-Miley...Miley Stewart. You know the girl that you kissed tonight? Yeah. Look, I was just calling because I think that we...we need to talk, don't you? I mean, you just stormed out of my house and you didn't give me a chance to...us a chance to...I don't...I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to say, I just...please call me back when you get this, okay? I don't...I don't want to leave things like this,” She states in her southern voice, before silence fills the air but she doesn't end the call. Instead she lets out a quiet breath of air, followed by a sniffle and another break is created in my fragile heart, a break that is yet again, the property of Miley Rae Stewart.
“I wish things could be different, you know? Because if things were different, if this was a different time...I could...oh, Lil. Just call me back,” She cries before the message ends. The burning tears fall down my cheeks, each one cutting away at me slowly, one painful piece at a time, until I am bleeding love for the girl who has held every piece of my heart since we were fourteen years old. I groan with a quiet curse, tossing the Blackberry onto the empty bed as I twist my fingers in my hair, wishing with all of my heart that this could be different. That she could maybe, just maybe, fall in love with me, too.
“Lilly! It's time for school!” My father's voice echos up the stairwell and I shake my head with a sigh. School today is just not an option for me, I chuckle. I can't go to a place where I am forced to see Miley for eight hours, I can't go to a place where I am forced to reap the consequences of my actions last night.
“Uh, I'm not going today, Dad!” I yell back.
“Why? Are you sick? Do you need me to take you to the doctor?” Dad exclaims, and I can tell that he is getting closer to my room now. I slowly jump to my feet, shivering as my bare feet hit the ice known as hardwood flooring, crossing my arms over my chest as I stand behind my door.
“No, I just...I have a lot of stuff going on today, school really would just be a bad idea right now,” I exclaim with a sigh, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. It is different living with my dad than with my mom and I guess what he lacks in the understanding of women, he makes up for with the non-hovering.
“Okay. Well, if you want to talk...Margret says that she is available all day!” He replies and I can not stop the chuckle that escapes from my pink lips. The poor man, I smile, he tries so hard sometimes.
“I'll be sure to remember that,” I reply with a smile and a chuckle. I wait for a moment before I hear the front door shut and I hear his car pull out of the driveway. Satisfied with my win, I smile with a laugh before I grab the guitar that sits idly beside of my bedpost and collapse onto the large, yet very lonely, Queen sized bed.
Staring at the wooden contraption in my hands, I can not stop the memory from playing in my mind of the day when Miley first heard me play, the way that she smiled and cooed and laughed. Yet, even that memory, although recent, is slowly beginning to fade in my mind. And I know that it is not long before I lose her entirely. Closing my eyes, it is her beautiful face that I see, her gorgeous blue eyes shinning beneath her brunette hair and she is the muse that creates the beautiful melody that my fingers strum against the strings.
“I walk around like a nervous wreck, I'm a fool but what the heck, I'm standing up to my neck in desire. I want to call, I want you to know, what I'm feeling in my soul, girl, I tried but I can't control this fire. It's killing me, you're all I see, one life is not enough. You're all I need, the air I breathe, I can't live without your love,” The lyrics escape from my lips in a slow, velvet-like melody and it's her face that I see, her touch that aches me to the core, her taste that dances across my lips.
“I've been searching all my life just to feel this way inside and now that I do, I just can't hide no more. The touch, the feel of your skin makes me feel alive again and it shakes me to the core. It's killing me, you're all I see, one life is not enough. You're all I need, the air I breathe, I can't live without your love,” I sing and I open my eyes, allowing the tears to burn in my eyes, that is when I see her standing in my doorway, a very similar expression upon her face. She doesn't say anything as I continue to strum the melody, instead she only smiles as a stray tear cascades down her cheek.
“I just want to hold you, for the rest of my life,” I whisper as my voice breaks.
“You're all I need, the air I breathe, I can't live without your love,” It is her melodic voice that surprises me now with a sniffle and a smile. I shake my head with a sigh before my trembling fingers brush against the strings, allowing the burning sensation to fall down my powdered cheeks.
“I can't live without your love. I walk around like a nervous wreck, I'm a fool but what the heck,” I whisper before the melody trails off into the silence of my bedroom. Suddenly, she says nothing and neither do I, but we become lost in the moment, lost in the music and the words that neither one of us would ever be strong enough to say. I sigh, brushing my golden hair away from my face as I sit the guitar down and I try to control the racing heart in my chest that ultimately belongs to her, every small piece of it. The bitter truth rings loud in the silence now, the truth of her leaving and the truth of my endless love for her, two things, that no matter how hard I tried, I could never change. I couldn't take back the kiss that I shared with her last night and I couldn't take back the fact that every time she looked at me with her precious blue eyes, I fell even more in love with her than before.
“Mr. Trescott let me in as he was leaving. He thinks that we should talk,” She chuckles with a smile, taking another very small step toward me. How could she not know? How could she not know that she had me hanging onto every word as if they were the last ones that I would ever have the privilege of hearing? How could she not know that I would give up everything that I have to see her smile? How could she not know, that after these past four years together, she is everything that I could ever need in my life? Not Matt, not Oliver, but her. Miley Rae Stewart. Forever and always.
“Yeah, I figured as much. Margret is very busy today with the office and all,” I joke with a roll of my eyes and when she laughs, I take a moment to mesmerize the sweetest sound that I have ever heard and I find a smile forming on my lips as well. My eyes trail from the neck of the guitar until they are crashing with the world's most beautiful shade of azul and slowly, I feel the entire world begin to fall away around me. The worries of college, the trouble between my parents, the fear of her leaving for Tennessee. Suddenly, nothing else matters but the beautiful brunette who is standing in my bedroom with a heart stealing smile playing upon her all to perfect lips. Suddenly nothing else matters but her.
“Listen...I think that we should talk, too. Because you just stormed out and you didn't give me a chance to process...to...last night was...” Her voice trails off with a sigh before her pleading blue eyes meet with mine yet again and I simply shrug my shoulders. No words could explain the impulsive actions that occurred last night other than my love for her, and I knew that no matter how hard I explained it, she would never truly be able to understand the depths of which I care for her.
“Last night was impulsive and it was a mistake, yeah I get it. Between Jake and Nick...I should have gotten the message but I didn't. Last night, I saw you leaving, I felt myself losing you and I got caught up in the moment and I panicked. And I would explain it to you but no matter how hard I try, you'll never understand. You're still going to leave for Tennessee, so, why don't we just forget it?” I snap toward her, the amount of hurt and bitterness clearly evident in my voice. It was always right there for us, how could she have been so blind to ignore it? How could she ignore the fact that I could love her more than Jake or Nick ever could? How could she not know that she is meant to be with me?
“I don't want to forget it,” She states and it catches my attention, I snap my head up from the spot on the guitar that I have been staring at and it chills me when I find her blue eyes staring into mine. With a wrinkled brow and confusion written upon her face, hurt instilled within the swirls of azul, I can not help but think that she is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my life. Yet, no matter how hard I try, nothing is going to change the fact that I am going to lose her anyway, I'm beginning to realize that my falling in love and losing her is simply inevitable.
“Miley...don't,” I plead, hoping to leave this less painful than it has to be. But, if there is one thing that I have to say about Miley, when she wants something, nothing stands in her way. And clearly, standing here, her fingers twisted in her hair, she is wanting answers. Answers to the questions that I can't even possibly begin to explain. Answers that I just don't have.
“No. You don't get to storm out of my house, leave me calls unanswered and just expect me to be okay with it. You kissed me, remember?” She exclaims and I laugh with a roll of my eyes. For so long, I have pushed my feelings away in fear of hurting her, and now is clearly no exception. She wants Tennessee, she needs Tennessee and I can't give her any reason to give that up.
“Of course I remember. I was there! I was the one who had to sit there and listen to you tell me how amazing of a friend that I am and how I changed your life and not say anything. Didn't you think that it was hard for me?! Don't you think that this is hard for me?! You're leaving for Tennessee, Miles, and there isn't a damn thing that I can say or do now that will change that!” I snap at her, raising my voice loudly. She winces at the loudness of my voice, clearly surprised that I would even dare raise my voice to her and frankly, she isn't the only one who is surprised by the situation. I've yelled at only a select few people in my life, and none of them have ever, ever, been Miley.
“Lilly...I...you don't...the hardest thing about all of this, the hardest thing about Tennessee, is leaving you,” She whispers, a crack in her voice and suddenly, those infamous tears find their way back into my eyes. We were meant for so much more than this, but now we would never have the chance. I will love her more than any one else in the world, but at the end of the day, it just is not going to be enough. Our paths were always meant to intertwine, yet now, I'm beginning to realize that maybe she was never meant to be mine.
“It doesn't matter. You're going. And we should just leave it at that,” I explain with a sigh and a shrug of my shoulders. It's easy to watch her walk out of my life with a fake smile and blistering tears than to watch her walk out of my life knowing that I am in love with her but am not enough for her. It is just easier to pretend like none of this ever happened, my heart can heal quicker that way.
“No, I'm sorry but I can't. You kissed me last night and I have to know why,” She demands and I chuckle, quickly jumping to feet as I twist my fingers in my blond hair, tugging slightly. How could she not see that she is breaking me down, piece by piece? How could she not see that even on my best days, she deserved so much better than what I could give to her?
“Damn it, Miley! No! Okay?! No! I'm not doing this with you. Not here. Not now. Because there is nothing that I can say that will make a difference to you! You are leaving for Tennessee and when you go, you are never going to look back. So, it doesn't matter!” I exclaim and when she takes a powerful step in front of me, that is when I know that things are very much different than I could have ever expected.
“It matters to me, and I know that it matters to you, or else you wouldn't have done it. Just talk to me, please. We deserve at least that much, don't you think?” She pleads, her voice threatening to break and it shakes me to the core. The look that is sparkling within her eyes is one that I've never seen before, it tells me all the things that she will never have the strength to say, all the things that make it easier for my heart to beat to the rhythm of her name. She is everything that I want, everything that I need, but everything that I will never have the chance to hold.
“Miley...” I plead and she shakes her head with a sigh.
“Lilly, please,” She sighs and it is at that moment in my life, when every wall that I have ever built up to keep her out, suddenly comes tumbling down. Every brick that I placed around my heart destroyed as if it was attacked by dynamite. Every promise that I ever made to myself that she would not see this side of me, broken in a matter of seconds.
“You...you aren't going to understand it,” I struggle to catch the breath she is taking away from me.
“Try me,” She flickers a smile.
“I...I watched you with Jake...with Nick and I know better. I know better than to do this, than to say this. But you...you deserve to know. You have a right to know. Because you're Miley and you just...you deserve at least that much from me,” I sigh, steadying myself as my eyes lock with her and suddenly it as if my heart is practically throwing the words out of my lips in a very Taylor Swift white horse princess-y type of manner.
“I...I kissed you because...because I think that your laugh is the best sound that I've ever heard. Because every time you smile, I can't help but smile. Because, you like the music that I like and you...you laugh when I act stupid. Because...because I am the only person who can make you laugh when you know that you are about to cry. B-because I will sit up for hours on end just for you to call when you are on tour because I can't fall asleep without hearing your voice,” I exclaim and I count the swirls of blue in her eyes, wishing away every tear that forms within them, because she deserves so much more than to hurt like this.
“Because, I'm the only person who can tell when you are lying. I kissed you because I like the way that your hair shades your face, the way those cute little freckles dance around your nose. Because I know all of your favorite songs, and I'm the only one who truly understands what goes on in that brilliant mind of yours. Because you think I look great when my hair is a mess and when I get upset, you are always the one who understands, no matter how stupid it may be. Because we've had our fair share of fights, of sleepless nights, but we always find our way back to each other. Always. No matter who or what stands in our way. I kissed you because when I'm with you, I lose my focus and am aware of nothing else around me. Because I watch you talk, but you don't notice, and I don't hear a word that you say because all I can think about is how badly Jake and Nick has hurt you and how much you belong with me,” I cry, my voice breaking as I suck in a breath of air, the tears cascading down my cheeks.
“I kissed you b-because I love you, Miley. I've always loved you and I always will love you. And I'm sorry if that puts a wrench in your plans or if that puts you in a bad position. But last night, when you were talking to me about how great I was, all I could think about was how you are meant to be with me. Not Jake. Not Nick. Not Jim-Bob or Travis or whoever the hell else you might fall for in Tennessee. You are meant to be with me, damn it. Because I'm in love with you! And distance isn't going to change that,” I admit in a flush of tears and cries. I expect her to scream at me, to tell me that she never wants to see me again and storm out of my house. I expect her to take back everything that she said last night, to tell me that she can't be with me and get n a plane to Tennessee tonight. But instead of the screaming, the cursing, and the fighting that I had so long expected, there is simply just silence and then, something I could have never expected.
“I love you, too,” She whispers, her voice barely audible. It surprises me and I snap my head up at the sound of the four words escaping from her and she giggles with a smile at the look upon my face. My lips tremble but no words escape from me, instead I only stare, dumbstruck that such words could be spoken truthfully. She takes a small step toward me, her eyes glistening with tears and my stomach flips.
“You do?” asks I.
“Yeah. I-I do,” She replies with a faint laugh, “I think I always have, I just didn't want to realize until last night and now...you're standing there and I just...I love you so much.” Her fingers intertwine around mine and I can not find the words to speak, so instead, I only stare at her with tears in my eyes.
“You're still leaving for Tennessee,” I sigh in a whimper.
“Give me a reason to stay,” She demands and I close my eyes, allowing the bitter tears to burn behind my closed eyelids. I can feel the world racing in orbit around me, so many things that are meant to happen that aren't, so many feelings that shouldn't be felt but just are. Suddenly her lips are colliding hard with my own and it does not take but a second to react as my hands curve at her waist. Her bottom lip slips under my tongue as her teeth graze upon my bottom lip, tugging gently. Pushing me backward, we collapse on my bed as our legs become intertwined. My fingers trail her body as they tug upon the bottom of the shirt, slipping the beat up concert tee from her tan body and onto the floor. She pulls away for a moment, heaving to catch her breath and I shiver a sigh, reaching forward as I brush her brunette hair away from her flawless face.
“Please don't go. I need you. I need you to just...don't go,” I beg and she kisses me with a smile.