Fic: Foolish

May 03, 2010 23:21

Title: Foolish
Pairing: Santana/Brittany
Rating: I'll say... PG.
Summary: Brittany felt like such a fool. Her friendship with Santana, she just knew it would be broken now.
Spoilers: None really I don't think.
Word Count: 1831
Notes: I had no idea where I was going when I started this, and it probably shows... Also, I have no beta reader, so if you ever see a mistake or think I need a suggestion, please point it out!

Brittany felt like a fool. She wanted to cry. Honestly, she was so close to doing just that, she was expecting those tears to fall from her eyes at any moment no matter exactly how hard she tried to will them not to. And she was trying very hard right now.

How could she be so stupid? She knew she wasn't smart, but how could she be so stupid? She might have just ruined the best thing she'd ever had going on for her in her life. The thing that made her the most happy she's ever felt. Dance didn't even come close.

Her friendship with Santana, she just knew it would be broken now.

It had happened innocently enough. Everything always happened innocently enough. There had always been some sort of connection between the two girls, something deep neither could really explain. An understanding of one another. They didn't always know exactly what the other was going for all the time when they spoke, or what was constantly going through the other girl's head, but they had this sort of patience with the other that made up for that. And, more importantly, they had the willingness to just be there for one another.

The two, they really shouldn't mesh well, their personalities were so night and day. But they did. Brittany needed someone to protect her, to explain to her, to shield her from things that were too much for her simple mind to bear, and Santana… well, Brittany had thought Santana had needed someone who would show her love and always support her, but now she wasn't so sure. Maybe they truly were too different from one another for their friendship to work out forever. Or for it to ever become anything more than that.

But Brittany loved her and wanted to always be there for her. She knew this. The blonde knew she wasn't smart, but she knew this. How could she not? Her heart felt fluttery whenever they were close, whenever they knotted their pinkies together, whenever they looked at each other. When they looked at each other, Brittany had sworn she could see the same thing reflected in Santana's eyes that she'd felt in her own heart, pounding so hard she thought it was trying to escape, to free itself from its rib bone cage and surrender itself to her friend.

But now she knew she was only imagining it was there. She wanted it to be there, and so she saw it where it did not exist. She should have known better. She should have kept her mouth shut. She should never have told her those three little words that everyone always said caused so much trouble.

If only she had kept it to herself they could still be friends. They could still make out and get all the jealous boy's attention, playing the game that even Brittany knew had to be played while they were stuck in this small town with its small town views.

What she believed to be a game with everyone else, an unspoken understanding between the two of them that they were together even when apart, turned out not to quite be how she had thought. Santana really was only doing it to boost her popularity. To tease the boys at school. Santana did it with Brittany because it was mutually beneficial to both of them, and they were close enough, each comfortable enough with the other, that it didn't have to really mean anything.

But it did mean something to Brittany, and she was hurt to find out it didn't mean anything to her closest friend- the girl she had assumed to be her girlfriend. Her lover. Why else did they have sex her mind had screamed at her, trying to make sense of it, until she realized she was once again just thinking wishfully and seeing something that wasn't there. Santana was only having a good time, surely. It meant nothing more than that.

The tears that were before only a heavy threat started falling down her cheeks, her eyes going warbly and hard to see through. She sniffled, climbing out of her car and shutting the door behind her quickly, now making her way up to her house having somehow managed to make it there from practice before the floodgates opened. The poor girl, she was trying to be strong, but she was not that strong of a person to withstand this sort of thing for very long. She needed comfort, but instead of her friend's loving arms to run to, all she had right now would be a pint of ice cream (which she knew she shouldn't eat because the Coach would kill her if she found out about it), and a snuggly bundle of cat to curl up with. She grabbed both quickly and did her zombie-walk up to her room.

"Everything hurts so much, Mr. Pads," she complained to her cat, plopping him down on her bed and following him shortly after, burying her face into her sheets, her comfort ice cream temporarily completely forgotten and haphazardly laying beside her as she continued to cry. She was glad no one but Mr. Pads was home right now to see her like this. The temptation to curl herself into a little ball and die was about overbearing. She'd never felt this much hurt in her life. Usually she was a ball of sunshine, and she tended to get over things as easily as water rolled off a duck's back.

But not over this. She knew this one was going to stick with her. How she'd ruined everything good she'd had going for her just because she… just because she loved someone, and had told them as much to their face. Because she had thought it couldn't hurt to say it openly, while they were alone.

To finally say it had felt so good. It had felt right, as if those words were the truest thing she'd ever spoken, the only thing she'd ever said that really mattered. She had stood there, her eyes bright and tender, all her affection and care radiating off of her as she waited for her friend to finish snapping her bra and look at her. They had just finished cheerios practice, but were the last to leave the lockers. It had just slipped out, really. It was only the natural thing to say, Brittany had needed no special occasion for it.

And yet when Santana lifted her head and looked up at her, there was no returning smile, she remembered. Brittany would remember that face forever. The confused, odd face Santana used to tell her that they couldn't do that together, that things couldn't go that way, that it simply would never be, not between them, not like that. Santana didn't need to say anything. Her lack of speech for those few moments was enough to send the blonde running out of the room immediately.

Brittany pushed herself into a sitting position on her bed, pulling her cat up into her lap and finally opening her dessert. But her heart wasn't really that in to eating it. She just sighed deep and resigned and took her first bite, tears rolling off and into the cup unnoticed.

"You remember Santana, Mr. Pads? Of course you do…" she asked, then corrected herself. Of course he did. He was smart, and Santana was always over and… and she wouldn't be anymore… That started a new round of tears. "She's not going to be our friend anymore," Brittany finally said as she shoved another bite of cookie-dough into her face, "Because I love her too much." The cheerio looked down at the cat for sympathy. He was so smart. He'd understand why this was a big deal. After all, he read her diary, which was half about Santana, and how much she loved her, and he would have seen all her silly heart doodles and stupid little Santana + Brittany's scribbled in any available edge of a page.

The doorbell rung, snapping the girl out of her sad reminiscing to her cat. Brittany wanted to pretend she didn't hear it, but that would be too rude… She couldn't do that to someone. What if it was important? With a heavy pout, she wiped at her eyes and tried to make herself look halfway presentable as she made her way back to the door, her pint of ice cream still in her hands.

She opened the door and there was Santana. Brittany stood there, frozen in her space, but Santana pushed her way inside the house as if she owned it and belonged there, since Brittany was too dumbstruck to invite her in or tell her to get lost.

"Why did you run off?" the Latina demanded. She looked… Brittany wasn't sure what that expression was. Angry or hurt? Disappointed? All three and more?

"You… the way you looked at me… I was scared," she stammered out, all her hurt coming back to the surface once again as she finally spoke, though it hadn't ever really left, not since Santana had looked at her and broke her heart.

"I didn't get to tell you I love you too," Santana said. She was angry, that was what her emotion was, Brittany thought. But not for the reason Brittany had first assumed. "You just ran off leaving me all…" Santana gesticulated, trying to come up with a word. Apparently she was just as frustrated and flustered with all of this as Brittany was. Finally, she said, "You just left me."

Brittany had felt horrible and heartbroken to see Santana's face for that long moment together in the locker rooms, but now she felt even worse. "I'm sorry…" she let out, but then things seemed to finally dawn on her. What did Santana just say? She said she loved her too! Immediately, Brittany clapped her hand across her own mouth in disbelief, unable to really do anything else at the moment. She dropped it quickly and started jumping up and down, excited, and grabbed Santana in her arms for a hug immediately. Followed by a kiss.

"I thought you were mad at me!" Brittany admitted, dropping her half-melted ice cream on the floor. She didn't care, it didn't matter. Santana wasn't angry with her. Didn't hate her. Didn't want to break up with her. Didn't want to not be her friend any more because she'd crossed some line she didn't know was there. She wasn't mad about all the silly things Brittany had jumped immediately to thinking she was angry about. She didn't hate her!

Santana shook her head. "You're so silly sometimes, Britt. You just took me by surprise," the shorter girl admitted, grabbing her hands and holding her tightly. Comfortingly. "I love you too," she added, simply.

Brittany was crying again. Once more, she felt like such a fool. But this time she was happy about it.

& pairing: brittany/santana, # type: fic, % rating: pg

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