On Conventions, Safe Spaces and Being Suckered By The Patriarchy

[britgeekgrrl]

ETA: this is a public post because, damn, this s*** needs to be talked about. A lot. Out loud and in public.

ETA2: But wait! There's more!

It's a topic that's been on my mind for a long time, but not one I've spoken up about because, honestly, people who are much smarter and more articulate than myself have said pretty much everything I've ever

Comments

[kaligrrrl]

yay Jo!

[britgeekgrrl]

Thanks, luv!

[kest]

You say you know it isn't your fault, but I'm not sure you believe it, so let me be clear, because I think it's important. It is *not* your responsibility to stop people from behaving inappropriately - it is their responsibility to not do so in the first place. While knowing you can assert your own boundaries is helpful and empowering and sure as hell doesn't hurt, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, not by wearing a sexy outfit and certainly not by 'encouraging' them through your silence or any such nonsense

[britgeekgrrl]

There is this idea that men are dense,

Well... some are. But some aren't. Of course, victims can't tell the difference and thus I must assume the worst for the sake of my own safety, while listening to cries of "But I'm not like them. I'm a nice guy!"

*grinds teeth*

promoting the idea of back-up

Most women I know have backed each other up in some way or another. Me? I've sometimes seen Asshat X approaching with that gleam in his eye, grabbed a (male) friend by the arm and said "Quick. Look jealous!"

Then again, there are times when I've had well-meaning friends/acquaintances decide that I *must* need rescuing and stepping up to do so - without asking me first. Not even a bit of eye contact and a significant tilt of the head (I don't know about everyone else in the world, but I've managed to have some information-laden nonverbal exchanges - especially if I *am* looking for help!)

But I'll get into that in another entry and thanks for reminding me that I wanted to bring that up.

don't blame yourself for not having done so in

[trinker]

If a man is that dense, it is still on him to know he's that dense and to curb himself from getting into situations where his denseness will result in harm to others, or harm to his reputation.

If he's so mentally impaired that he can't, then how did he get to that con, and surely he needs a minder in the rest of his life, and where are they in these situations?

There's no version of the story that makes it the responsibility of the harassed party. (Only, as you note, pragmatics that make it a necessity. Practical considerations despite ethical rights.)

[thecoughlin]

Brava!

[britgeekgrrl]

Thank you.

[fintach]

It's sad that the current social climate seems to make objecting to unwanted advances - physical advances no less - difficult and risky.

I hope that increased attention to the problem, and people like you speaking up, will help change that.

[britgeekgrrl]

I think some kind of event horizon has been crossed / is being crossed right now, specifically in regards to safety at SF/F events. I'll be interested in seeing how things continue to pan out.

[brithistorian]

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better able to enforce your boundaries, though I wish this safer feeling hadn't come at the expense of your costuming.

[britgeekgrrl]

Well, as I say, there's more than one reason I've cut back on costuming. TBH, the biggest (ahem) factor is my weight. I'm just too darn pudgy to feel good in costumes right now...

[brithistorian]

I can understand that. While I support the idea that people should feel free to wear whatever costume they want regardless of their size or shape (I cancelled my subscription to Men's Fitness when they published an article making fun of overweight people in costume at New York Comic Con), in actual fact I probably wouldn't wear any of the costumes I want to unless I was at least 50 pounds smaller.