(Untitled)

[bring_a_sponge]

 
Picture this:

The Man in Charge. Master of All He Surveys. The Chief. The Boss. The Big Man.

Agent Zed.

In his office at the heart of MiB HQ.

A good day. Quiet. Productive. The kind of day a man expects he'll be able to look back on with tremendous satisfaction.

Well, half a day, anyway....

Comments

"Specially sanctioned by MiB Special Services....."

[bring_a_sponge]

There's a new row of lockers down in that special room in MIB Headquarters. They seem exactly like all the others, save the small panels on the front of each door which bear a very unusual set of letters: α, β, and γ.

Waiting.

Waiting for the crack future.

[gammagammahey]

"The skirts need to go up at least three inches in length when we're in deep insertation situations requiring clear body language, don't you think? But a knee length is good for general diplomacy.

[3rdtimelucky]

"Agreed. In principle."

She fires a dirty wink at Jen.

"Clothing isn't really necessary at all when I work with deep insertion."

All gutter talk aside, Goldy is fairly serious about the skirt idea. It can't be helped if the degeneration of the conversation puts Zed off the scent.

[nita_callahan]

Nita glances between them over the top of her shades.

"Just what kind of mentoring were you guys planning on doing?"

She is Shocked. Really.

[bring_a_sponge]

"Nothing the bureau is going to pay for," Zed growls. "You can bet your ass on that."

"Beta! Gamma! Front and center! I'm not hosting some kind of goddamn intergalactic fashion gala around here."

[gammagammahey]

Jen's been a Special Agent for S.H.I.E.L.D. (when they're not shooting at her nipples or being complete jerks to her cousin). She knows when to go front and center.

Tap tap tap go her heels from the dressing room back to the lockers, as she presents for Zed.

"Yes, Chief? You of all people know that clothing is a religion for some species. Forget to accessorize properly, send the wrong signal, and semiotic terrorism results."

[3rdtimelucky]

Goldy troops along behind, eyes rolling, and falls into line beside Jen.

"I know MiB is all about intelligence, but eavesdropping on girls in the bathroom is pushing it."

"And don't think I haven't seen those cameras in there," she continues with mock sternness. "If I ever find voyeur porn of myself online..."

"I'll know who to come to for a cut of the profits."

[gammagammahey]

"YouTube. I'm sure that's where half the universe gets their first line intel."

[bring_a_sponge]

"You want profits, talk to Frank the Pug. Maybe your his type."

Zed hasn't actually met anyone who wasn't the Pug's type. If there was ever a time when Frank made distinctions, it was long before Zed ever met him.

[nita_callahan]

That spluttering noise is Nita attempting to stifle snickers at Jen's comment.

[3rdtimelucky]

Against her better judgment, Goldy decides to go with Zed's advice on this one.

"Alright. I will."

She brings out her MiBlackberry and taps in a reminder note to look Frank up. The fact that he's a dog doesn't worry her. If anything, it piques her interest even more.

[bring_a_sponge]

You'd think it would be easy, but Zed is finding it almost impossible. There are just too damn many aliens out there who one time or another made his life an unbelievable pain in the ass.

How the hell is he supposed to pick just one to be the first to have this bunch show up?

Then again, getting the chance to fantasize one first contact after another between Milliways in Black and a bunch of alien bastards is putting Zed in a dangerously happy mood.

[gammagammahey]

Like a voraciously hungry Great White shark hot on the trail of a bucket of fresh chum, Jen hearkens to that possibly anticipatory gleam lurking within Zed's eyes. At least, that's what it looks like.

"Permission to speak and question relentlessly, chief."

Not that Jen often asks for permission, of course, but she does deeply respect Zed.

"May I query what's on the agenda for our first missions? Any developing situations, longstanding impasses, or about-to-implode scenarios that need our attention?"

[3rdtimelucky]

Like a remora getting to feed on the chum after hitching a ride on the aforementioned more keenly-sensed shark, Goldy jumps on the conversational bandwagon now that the topic has been broached.

"Yeah. Come on, Zee. We've had the rage, you've done the Speech, and Nita's suited and booted now. It's time for assignments."

[bring_a_sponge]

A gleam comes into Zed's eyes.

Not an evil gleam. Just a--. Well, ok, it's a pretty goddamn evil gleam.

He mashes an otherwise unremarkable spot on his desk and barks, "L! You find that Krylian ambassador's head yet?"

"Sorry, Chief. Not yet."

"Well," Zed grins. "It's your lucky day. We just got in some new recruits who'll be just the people you need."

"Uhhh," says a very doubtful L. "New recruits, did you say, Chief?"

"Yeah. The new intern and two auxiliary Agents. Fresh from Milliways."

The silence on the other end of the line speaks volumes.

Zed chuckles, and just lifts his finger off the desk without another word.

"The Krylians. One of the most easily insulted races in the galaxy. And the Annelids. Your old pals, Agent β

[3rdtimelucky]

Goldy looks less than enthusiastic in the wake of that, and a bit confused.

"I fail to see where ass-kicking comes into this mission," she says. "Unless you're actually hoping for all-out war? In which case, sending me to appease an easily-offended race should take care of that, no problem."