To whom it may concern - please shut the fuck up
I know, I know - you're a real writer now. Or at least you will be, in January, when your first science fiction novel is to be released. And I understand that this means that you're so much smarter than the rest of us, and you know so much more about writing than the rest of us, and your theories on character creation and plot advancement are no longer just theories. They should be accepted as facts and we're not allowed to disagree with you. No matter how pompous and arrogant you sound.
And I suppose that I should just forget that a year ago, I had to teach you the difference between 1st person past and 2nd person narrative. And I should forget that you claimed, repeatedly, that 2nd person narrative is "the most common narrative used in professional fiction". And I should forget that you came off as an ignorant clod with absolutely no grasp on the most common tenets of the English language.
Because you're a real writer. And that automatically means that you know more about the English language and the art of fiction writing than I do.
I know, I know - you're a real soldier. This means, of course, that you understand everything about every regulation in every single branch of the armed forces, even though you only served in one of them for four years. And even though you weren't an officer, of course, we should all accept everything you say about the conduct and thought processes of all officers in the United States military, no matter what branch, because you're a real soldier and I'm just some damn "civvy" and I can't possibly understand even a fraction of what you do about the military mindset. This is despite the fact that roughly 50% of my still-living family (brother, cousins, uncles, grandfathers) have over 200 years of combined military service between them in all five branches of the US military (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard), and despite the fact that several of them were officers, and despite the fact that many of them served and fought in two of the bloodiest and most violent wars (WWII and Vietnam) in this nation's history.
Because you're a real soldier. And that automatically means that you know more about the United States military than I ever possibly could.
I know, I know - you suffer from Asperger's syndrome (you, every third person in America, and their dogs, too, it seems). This means that we can't even mention to you when your thought processes make no sense, or when you throw a temper tantrum over a disagreement over a fictional character, or when your authority as a "real" writer might be called into question by the fact that your posts make no more sense and contain more grammatical errors than a twelve-year-old's might. And even though I have been pushed by teachers and principals and "well-meaning" social workers to have my son diagnosed with this "condition" and I have refused, because I believe that Asperger's "Syndrome" is nothing more than another excuse to drug children who don't view the world in the same "safe" way that everyone else does and another reason to take personal accountability for behavior away from the person doing the behaving and hide it behind yet another made-up name for yet another non-existent "medical" condition... I couldn't possibly understand how you see the world. I'm raising a child that sees it in the exact same way you do and I'm raising him to fit into it anyway, but I can't possibly understand how you think, and I'm not allowed to expect you to "fit" in.
Because you suffer from Asperger's syndrome. And illogical thought patterns, immaturity and pretentiousness are part of your "condition."
You know what? I'm sick of ignoring you. I'm sick of pretending that your claims of higher intelligence and greater expertise don't bother me. Because they do.
And so do you.
You bug me. In fact and in short, you annoy the living hell out of me. You and all your claims of being a real writer and a real soldier and that you suffer from Asperger's... I'm sick of them. I'm sick of you. I want you to go away, seriously. Or if you stick around, I at least want you to shut the fuck up!
And no, I don't care if you see this and no, I don't care if you know that I'm talking about you, because if it weren't for the existence of rules and regulations on the forum we have in common, I'd most likely be telling you this to your face there anyway.
I know, I know - I do know where your website is. Yes, I do know that you "wrote a fic" that details exactly the situation we're discussing, no matter what it is. Yes, I do know that you didn't win an award in the Isis Awards last year and it pissed you off because, in your opinion, the fic that won "didn't even qualify for the awards anyway! It wasn't even a ship story!"
And you know what? I've read your fics, honey, and they suck. They're as purple as purple can be - in fact, they border on fuchsia. Your fics are as arrogant and pretentious as you are, and there's not a single character in there that I can even vaguely recognize as being on the show you claim they're from. You weren't "cheated" out of that award you didn't win - you didn't win it because, to be quite blunt about it, your fic sucked and hers didn't.
That's the real reason no one comments on your fics. That's the real reason why you didn't win that award. That's the real reason you feel you have to spam every other thread with the URL of your website. That's the real reason why, when you mention (and you take every opportunity to mention it, don't you) that you're a real writer and that your first novel is "to be released in January," the rest of us just roll our eyes and ignore you.
You may be a real writer, honey, but that still doesn't make you a good one.
Now, with all due respect, I repeat - in case you missed it the first two times - shut the fuck up about it!