If this is the way schools are going, I need to learn how to homeschool in case I have kids!!

[brendala]

So, turns out some teachers are actively trying to keep kids from developing best friend relationships.

Comments

[ichiban_victory]

Sheesh, why are they even getting involved in that? Granted, I never shared the same class with my best friend until we were in fifth grade, and in a lot of ways I hated that I couldn't even play with her at recess since what class you were in determined what recess you had, but I did have other friends. They ought to factor in kids like me who grow up in a military area where every year you have a fresh batch of students you don't know, which also means the friends you came to know have moved away. I'm all for being accepting of all people, but if I had had teachers intervene I'm with you, it would have made me resentful and angry at the school.

Why oh why can't we allow for kids to be kids anymore, and to actually learn on their own without being coddled? We're not doing them any favors. This makes me wonder what these 'experts' believe about children befriending children of the opposite gender.

[brendala]

Personally, I had a lot of "best friend" relationships when I was little (those friendships usually ended when someone moved or we got sick of each other). It hurt a lot when those friendships ended; but I learned a lot from them and I don't think it would have been right for a teacher to butt into those situations.

As someone who was picked on pretty viciously in middle school, I can understand the teachers' desire to encourage kids to be friendly with everyone. But that goal just isn't realistic. Part of being a kid is learning how relationships work and what set-up works best for you. And it's WAY better to learn those lessons as a child than it is to figure it out as an adult.

[ichiban_victory]

Well, exactly. Even when I did have friends, I still got picked on. I still remember all too well how kids on the playground would call me 'Diana Diapers' for reasons I still do not know, but regardless I was a target for mockery. Someone who later became a friend didn't like me at first because I could run as fast as he could to the bus at the end of the day, if not faster, so he constantly called me 'bitch'. Having grown up in a home where such words were never used, that hurt me a lot. But through no intervention at all, we soon became good friends. He was my neighbor as well, so often in the summertime we would play at each other's homes. I still remember how he would come up early so we could play some Nintendo before we would catch the bus. I treasure the friendship more than the rivalry that started it

[brendala]

I also had girlfriends who ditched me for the "popular" crowd back in elementary school. We couldn't relate to each other anymore because, around 5th or 6th grade, all they ever wanted to do was read Teen Beat and gush about which boy in class was cutest.
My best friend in elementary school actually stopped talking to me when I teased her about her plans to marry Jonathan Taylor Thomas (the kid actor from Home Improvement). I still can't believe a 3 year friendship ended over that!

When the teasing got really bad in middle school, I had one best friend who kept me sane through it all. I would have gone crazy (or maybe ditched school every day) if I was kept away from her and forced to play nice with the catty girls who were making school miserable. Lots of bullied kids find comfort in bonding with other underdogs.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my older sister's ex-husband never experienced bullying at all growing up. He has zero empathy or even understanding for people who do go through such things, even as adults. It was

[bonemarch]

That is just beyond ridiculous, of all the things teachers aren't doing why are they focusing on something like this? Considering how social networking is done via computer. (LJ, facebook, etc.) You'd think that people would want children to develop a close human bond with others? I'm all about being accepting of others and stuff but you know some people really aren't into the big groups of people they hardly know. And I don't see why the school feels needs to take it up on themselves to meddle in that affair... And this is coming from a person who's a bit of a reclusive jerk.

[djproject]

what in the hell?

this sounds like a bad marxist spin on social psychology: from each according to his abilities to each according to his needs. how dare you spend "disproportionate amount of time" with someone else? spread the love.

furthermore, they give kids too little credit. most kids have an instinct not to put their eggs all in one basket. there is of course the dependable and close friend. but you have a team of other friends for other things. hell look at stand by me: chris and gordon were close friends and it was obvious ... but teddy and vernon were there too. and for those who haven't figured out the advantages of having multiple relationships (in terms of degrees), they will either learn it or they won't and suffer appropriate consequences.

oi.

[dqbunny]

I can really see both sides of this

[ayarane]

My elementary school did this to a lesser degree. Claimed class rosters were generated randomly (with allowances for parent/teacher preference and "sibling recursion;" that is, if your sibling had a particular teacher, barring any kind of input from parents you were pretty much guaranteed to get that teacher too) but a lot of us knew better. >_>; Teachers and admins could quickly identify the BFFs and pretty much split them up as soon as possible. The official excuse was for classroom management. (Bull-freaking-PUCKY.) I... don't ever recall any of these friendships ever being toxic, the worst they did was chatter during class. Though... West Heritage was notorious for getting stupidly butthurt about talking, and tried to enforce silent lunch for several years. Bleh

[brendala]

SILENT LUNCHES!? Being forced to sit with your class and avoid other kids!?
Good lord! Your elementary school sounds awful. I bet kids in juvie have more freedom than that! O_o

My middle school in Big Bear did silent lunch and forced us to sit in alphabetical order for a week because a large group started a food fight in the cafeteria (they couldn't identify individual offenders, so they just punished us all). I think I would have quit school if I was forced to deal with that bullshit for a year like you did! >_<

[ayarane]

A year? Try five. Well, six if you count Kindergarten but they were absolutely partitioned off from the general population, though at the end of my 5th grade year they experimented with letting them eat lunch with the lower grades a couple times a week

[brendala]

Wow. And I thought my old middle school in La Verne* was strict.

*The La Verne school was one of the first in the country to ban certain foods and drinks (they did it back in the early 90s, before everyone was freaking out about the "obesity epidemic"). I once got detention for bringing a Pepsi in my lunch. -_-