Fic
Title - Theophobia
Rating - probably nothing more than PG13
(ultralong) AN - For a long time I was planning on finishing the series that was never meant to be a series with this fic - getting the fics written every week was proving difficult and making me resentful and I didn’t know how long I could go on having the girls in limbo and breaking up and making up, so I was going to try and bring it to a conclusion and let season three just go AU from my little world. However, the powers that be didn’t really leave me a lot of room to manoeuvre a Happily Ever After from the season two finale (and damn them for making me dislike Kyle in the process - don’t worry Mr McLaughlin you will always be Dale Cooper to me and I am very sad that you got possessed by Bob and that Annie is still in the Red Lodge - I digress but while I am ranting I feel the need to mention that my life would be so much easier if we had the TV sedative drugs that they gave Bree because you can inject them through jumpers and they work instantaneously - MAGIC - we so need to get some of those at work) so I guess this is probably going to continue at least into part of season three (which I won’t see until February). Oh, this is set following Remember in the world of the people who wouldn’t let me have my Happily Ever After and post Antimony in my world.
Theophobia
It has been a long time since Danielle let her tuck her in. A long time since Danielle would admit that she needed her mother for anything other than a lift to the mall or to be a walking ATM. It is probably only a temporary reprieve but at least for a little while she has her baby back. Returning Danielle to the fold has not been without a cost, if she had have been asked beforehand she would have said that she’d give anything to save her daughter but having Danielle watch the boy she loved pull a gun on her mother and then fall to the floor as a tiny projectile claimed his life may have been too steep a price to pay. Asleep, Danielle looks serene, her eyelids flutter as the orbs below them move but she seems to be at peace. It’s hard to admit that she has failed her children, she had nothing but the best intentions when it came to raising them but clearly she put too much emphasis on perfection. Standards don’t produce perfection, she’s not sure what does, she doesn’t want to think that it just comes down to happenstance but the fact that Susan has managed to raise a functional child does make her wonder if the outcome is only determined by dumb luck.
She strokes Danielle’s hair; raking her fingers through it is a comforting reminder that her daughter is safe but even as she does this she can’t help but ensure that she corrals each and every errant strand. Her actions mirror those she displayed with the Zen garden, she knows what the allegedly trained professional did not, it has nothing to do with peace, it is simply about order, about the belief that if everything is ‘just so’ then life would be as she planned. She knows that parallel lines in a tiny sandbox won’t make her children love her, won’t suddenly change the fact that she is committing adultery with Lynette but that knowledge isn’t enough to stop her actions. She could no more put down the minuscule gardening implement than she could stop herself from believing that Danielle dying her hair was the gateway to pregnancy and drug addiction.
The door issues a soft knocking sound and then opens. Mrs McCluskey’s head appears in the dark gap, “Is there anything that I can get for the two of you?”
“Danielle’s asleep,” she whispers, “I could use a drink but I can get it myself.”
“I already made a pot of coffee for Lynette so that should be fresh. I’ve also hidden all the alcohol.” There is no venom in the woman’s words but they still sting. McCluskey delivered the statement as though it should be comforting but it still felt like a criticism, even if her neighbour isn’t going to judge her she will judge herself enough for the both of them.
She extricates herself from the bed and her joints issue a painful reminder that she is not as young as she used to be which makes her wish that she had more to show for her years than a litany of disasters. She descends the stairs to find Lynette curled up on the sofa watching her every movement, “You should go home.”
“Not a chance.”
“I don’t need you here,” her words are curt but Lynette doesn’t flinch.
“I need to be here, I need to know that you are really okay.”
“You should be with your family.”
“I am.”
Lynette makes everything so much harder for her, “I need to be with Danielle tonight.”
“I know, that’s why I am going to be on the couch, you don’t have to acknowledge that I am here but I am not going to leave.”
She sighs and lowers herself to the floor by the couch, “Have you thought about what people will think about you being here?”
“I assume that they will think that in an uncharacteristic display of charity I bothered to support my friend after a particularly harrowing evening.”
“And what if that’s not what they think?”
“Then I say ‘screw them’, you could have died tonight, I am not leaving you.”
She reaches up and grabs hold of Lynette’s hand, “You’re mad at me.”
“Don’t look at me like I don’t have the right to be.”
“I was protecting my child, you would have done the same.”
“You were being a reckless bitch and you clearly weren’t thinking about me.”
There is something about having a gun pointed at your face that makes you take stock of your life, learning that she would die for her child was actually a happy revelation, an affirmation that she was in some way a good mother. Her mortality didn’t bother her, she felt that no matter what happened, whether she lived or died, she would have succeeded in protecting Danielle from Matthew but Lynette is wrong if she thinks that she didn’t factor into the equation. The moments that the barrel was pointed at her head seem to last for an eon and gave her time to think about how her death would impact on Lynette and she came to the conclusion that Lynette would benefit from her death, that she would be saved, that she would be free.
The incident with Matthew may have put her thoughts under a microscope but in many ways it was redundant. Desperation is a powerful motivator and having your human rights violated by a quack who clearly has no respect for the Geneva Convention does tend to make one desperate. Her predicament had made her feel closer to God than she had for a long time and she had promised that she would sacrifice anything to save her child. She included Lynette on the list of things that she was willing forsake, in fact she thinks it may have been the reason that God decided to answer her prayers. Lynette may mock but she really has been smote - Rex, George, Peter, Andrew, Danielle; each and every one a trial, a punishment and each of these occurring since she fell in love with Lynette. When she looks back on things she realises that Lynette had an impact on her from the moment that she laid eyes on her, back then she was impressed with Lynette’s fire but she was frightened and Lynette made her very uncomfortable. She had put the feeling down to witnessing an unnecessary display of public affection and emotion between husband and wife but she now understands that from the very first meeting she was uncomfortable seeing Tom touch Lynette. Lynette was a test and she had failed, it was time to rectify that mistake.
“I guess I wasn’t thinking very much at all,” it won’t help her to explain her theories to Lynette, Lynette will only attempt to undermine them and erode her resolve.
Lynette’s face softens, “I am pleased that you are ok.”
“There could have been worse outcomes.”
“Don’t ever do anything like that again, I can’t lose you, not like that.”
Tonight is not the night to reveal to Lynette that she has bartered away their future, it is unlikely that that will be a quiet conversation and it is not one that she wants her daughter and Mrs McCluskey to overhear. “I’m okay.”
Lynette cups Bree’s cheek with her hand, “And I am very grateful, I’ve been so worried about you.”
“I didn’t mean for you to be.”
“You disappear off the face of the Earth, how did you think I was going to feel?”
“I thought people in mental institutions were at liberty not to care about what other people think.”
Lynette looks like she is about to make a trademark sarcastic comment but that she can’t go through with it on the off chance that Bree’s statement is real, “I don’t know what to say to that.”
“I don’t expect you to say anything, it happened, it probably isn’t the best choice that I have ever made but I thought that I was doing the right thing at the time.”
Fissures form across Lynette’s forehead, “Why didn’t you tell me you were suffering?”
“I didn’t want you to think I was a failure.”
A mirthless laugh escapes Lynette’s lips, “Things would have been so different if I had have known.”
“I didn’t want you to see me in a place like that.”
“A lot happened while you were gone.”
“That’s kind of obvious given tonight’s little spectacle.”
“I wasn’t referring to that, I left Tom.”
The bombshell is so earth shattering that she should have concussion deafness, this is one hell of a way for God to test her commitment to her cause, “You did?”
Lynette looks away, “I went back to him but now I guess I am always going to wonder what would have happened if you were around or if I at least had have known where you were.”
She will probably spend a long time pondering that herself but right now she feels a sense of relief, “We have some very bad timing.”
Lynette turns back to face her, “We really do. I guess I should ask how you are doing.”
“I’ve had better days.”
“It’s okay,” Lynette draws their heads closer together, “I’m here now.” Kissing Lynette wasn’t exactly part of her plan and it is definitely going to make things more difficult in the long run but it would seem that she doesn’t have the ability to stop herself. She doesn’t even have the willpower to terminate the kiss and in the end they are forced apart by the sound of a throat being cleared.
Bree turns to the stairs, her face on fire thanks to a combination of desire and mortification. McCluskey stands there, her arms folded across her chest, “Lynette I thought we had an agreement that there would be no shenanigans from the two of you under my roof.”
Lynette doesn’t even seem concerned, “You should have known better than to trust a promise made by a liberal idiot.”
She feels the need to intervene, “I’m not sure what you think you saw but I can assure you that there is nothing untoward going on.”
“You don’t need to explain Bree, I already know that Lynette decided that her marriage vows were just serving suggestions and that she drew you into her little web.”
To Bree’s surprise Lynette doesn’t look offended and she doesn’t bite in response to Karen’s words, instead she is staring at Bree with a worried look on her face, “I probably should have mentioned this.”
“She knows?” normally she would be embarrassed to have asked such a pointless question but she is having a hard time believing that this is really happening.
“Yes she does.” McCluskey seems to think that she has the right to be irritated by this situation, Bree wants to tell her that she should relax because at least her life isn’t falling apart in front of her eyes but she can’t seem to make her vocal cords work.
“Before you get mad at me, I didn’t tell her.”
“It seems you girls have an overvalued impression of your talents in the areas of subtlety and discretion.”
It would appear that her voice box is back online, “Were we that obvious?”
“Don’t worry, I doubt many people know, I’m more observant than most and even I have a hard time believing that you find anything appealing in Scarvo.”
She feels like she should defend Lynette but Lynette is not someone who often needs protection and tonight is no exception, “You keep flattering me like that McCluskey and I might just have to turn my power of seduction on you.”
“I don’t have to stand around and listen to this, I’m going to bed but I want you upstairs in five minutes Bree, there will be no hanky-panky in my house.” McCluskey pauses at the top of the steps and adds, “Make sure you take care of her Bree, she may have many faults but she really does love you.”
Lynette rewards Karen a warm look and then focuses on Bree, “Don’t get hysterical, she’s not going to tell anyone about us.”
“I can’t believe that you can be so calm about this.”
The reply is defensive, “I’m not embarrassed to be with you.”
“I’m not embarrassed either but I am ashamed.”
“Well that’s incredibly flattering.”
“I’m not ashamed of you the person but I am ashamed about that fact that you are married and you are too or we wouldn’t be sneaking around.”
“Then you should be happy that we have one less person that we have to be hiding things from.”
“For some reason I don’t find that particularly comforting.”
“It doesn’t matter. Just go upstairs because she is likely to send a search party out for you if you don’t.”
“I don’t want us to go to bed angry.”
“I’m not angry, I’m just worn out, it has been a big night.”
“So you still love me?”
“More than ever.”
“I love you to, don’t ever doubt that.” Bree places a quick kiss on Lynette’s lip before heading upstairs. As she crawls into bed, trying not to disturb Danielle, she berates herself for not using this opportunity to distance herself from Lynette. She can’t afford to let her feelings for Lynette cloud her judgement, because she can’t risk the wrath of God. Looking at Danielle she knows that she doesn’t have a choice but with Lynette’s kiss still burning on her lips she can’t help but worry that she is not up to the task.
Rating - probably nothing more than PG13
(ultralong) AN - For a long time I was planning on finishing the series that was never meant to be a series with this fic - getting the fics written every week was proving difficult and making me resentful and I didn’t know how long I could go on having the girls in limbo and breaking up and making up, so I was going to try and bring it to a conclusion and let season three just go AU from my little world. However, the powers that be didn’t really leave me a lot of room to manoeuvre a Happily Ever After from the season two finale (and damn them for making me dislike Kyle in the process - don’t worry Mr McLaughlin you will always be Dale Cooper to me and I am very sad that you got possessed by Bob and that Annie is still in the Red Lodge - I digress but while I am ranting I feel the need to mention that my life would be so much easier if we had the TV sedative drugs that they gave Bree because you can inject them through jumpers and they work instantaneously - MAGIC - we so need to get some of those at work) so I guess this is probably going to continue at least into part of season three (which I won’t see until February). Oh, this is set following Remember in the world of the people who wouldn’t let me have my Happily Ever After and post Antimony in my world.
Theophobia
It has been a long time since Danielle let her tuck her in. A long time since Danielle would admit that she needed her mother for anything other than a lift to the mall or to be a walking ATM. It is probably only a temporary reprieve but at least for a little while she has her baby back. Returning Danielle to the fold has not been without a cost, if she had have been asked beforehand she would have said that she’d give anything to save her daughter but having Danielle watch the boy she loved pull a gun on her mother and then fall to the floor as a tiny projectile claimed his life may have been too steep a price to pay. Asleep, Danielle looks serene, her eyelids flutter as the orbs below them move but she seems to be at peace. It’s hard to admit that she has failed her children, she had nothing but the best intentions when it came to raising them but clearly she put too much emphasis on perfection. Standards don’t produce perfection, she’s not sure what does, she doesn’t want to think that it just comes down to happenstance but the fact that Susan has managed to raise a functional child does make her wonder if the outcome is only determined by dumb luck.
She strokes Danielle’s hair; raking her fingers through it is a comforting reminder that her daughter is safe but even as she does this she can’t help but ensure that she corrals each and every errant strand. Her actions mirror those she displayed with the Zen garden, she knows what the allegedly trained professional did not, it has nothing to do with peace, it is simply about order, about the belief that if everything is ‘just so’ then life would be as she planned. She knows that parallel lines in a tiny sandbox won’t make her children love her, won’t suddenly change the fact that she is committing adultery with Lynette but that knowledge isn’t enough to stop her actions. She could no more put down the minuscule gardening implement than she could stop herself from believing that Danielle dying her hair was the gateway to pregnancy and drug addiction.
The door issues a soft knocking sound and then opens. Mrs McCluskey’s head appears in the dark gap, “Is there anything that I can get for the two of you?”
“Danielle’s asleep,” she whispers, “I could use a drink but I can get it myself.”
“I already made a pot of coffee for Lynette so that should be fresh. I’ve also hidden all the alcohol.” There is no venom in the woman’s words but they still sting. McCluskey delivered the statement as though it should be comforting but it still felt like a criticism, even if her neighbour isn’t going to judge her she will judge herself enough for the both of them.
She extricates herself from the bed and her joints issue a painful reminder that she is not as young as she used to be which makes her wish that she had more to show for her years than a litany of disasters. She descends the stairs to find Lynette curled up on the sofa watching her every movement, “You should go home.”
“Not a chance.”
“I don’t need you here,” her words are curt but Lynette doesn’t flinch.
“I need to be here, I need to know that you are really okay.”
“You should be with your family.”
“I am.”
Lynette makes everything so much harder for her, “I need to be with Danielle tonight.”
“I know, that’s why I am going to be on the couch, you don’t have to acknowledge that I am here but I am not going to leave.”
She sighs and lowers herself to the floor by the couch, “Have you thought about what people will think about you being here?”
“I assume that they will think that in an uncharacteristic display of charity I bothered to support my friend after a particularly harrowing evening.”
“And what if that’s not what they think?”
“Then I say ‘screw them’, you could have died tonight, I am not leaving you.”
She reaches up and grabs hold of Lynette’s hand, “You’re mad at me.”
“Don’t look at me like I don’t have the right to be.”
“I was protecting my child, you would have done the same.”
“You were being a reckless bitch and you clearly weren’t thinking about me.”
There is something about having a gun pointed at your face that makes you take stock of your life, learning that she would die for her child was actually a happy revelation, an affirmation that she was in some way a good mother. Her mortality didn’t bother her, she felt that no matter what happened, whether she lived or died, she would have succeeded in protecting Danielle from Matthew but Lynette is wrong if she thinks that she didn’t factor into the equation. The moments that the barrel was pointed at her head seem to last for an eon and gave her time to think about how her death would impact on Lynette and she came to the conclusion that Lynette would benefit from her death, that she would be saved, that she would be free.
The incident with Matthew may have put her thoughts under a microscope but in many ways it was redundant. Desperation is a powerful motivator and having your human rights violated by a quack who clearly has no respect for the Geneva Convention does tend to make one desperate. Her predicament had made her feel closer to God than she had for a long time and she had promised that she would sacrifice anything to save her child. She included Lynette on the list of things that she was willing forsake, in fact she thinks it may have been the reason that God decided to answer her prayers. Lynette may mock but she really has been smote - Rex, George, Peter, Andrew, Danielle; each and every one a trial, a punishment and each of these occurring since she fell in love with Lynette. When she looks back on things she realises that Lynette had an impact on her from the moment that she laid eyes on her, back then she was impressed with Lynette’s fire but she was frightened and Lynette made her very uncomfortable. She had put the feeling down to witnessing an unnecessary display of public affection and emotion between husband and wife but she now understands that from the very first meeting she was uncomfortable seeing Tom touch Lynette. Lynette was a test and she had failed, it was time to rectify that mistake.
“I guess I wasn’t thinking very much at all,” it won’t help her to explain her theories to Lynette, Lynette will only attempt to undermine them and erode her resolve.
Lynette’s face softens, “I am pleased that you are ok.”
“There could have been worse outcomes.”
“Don’t ever do anything like that again, I can’t lose you, not like that.”
Tonight is not the night to reveal to Lynette that she has bartered away their future, it is unlikely that that will be a quiet conversation and it is not one that she wants her daughter and Mrs McCluskey to overhear. “I’m okay.”
Lynette cups Bree’s cheek with her hand, “And I am very grateful, I’ve been so worried about you.”
“I didn’t mean for you to be.”
“You disappear off the face of the Earth, how did you think I was going to feel?”
“I thought people in mental institutions were at liberty not to care about what other people think.”
Lynette looks like she is about to make a trademark sarcastic comment but that she can’t go through with it on the off chance that Bree’s statement is real, “I don’t know what to say to that.”
“I don’t expect you to say anything, it happened, it probably isn’t the best choice that I have ever made but I thought that I was doing the right thing at the time.”
Fissures form across Lynette’s forehead, “Why didn’t you tell me you were suffering?”
“I didn’t want you to think I was a failure.”
A mirthless laugh escapes Lynette’s lips, “Things would have been so different if I had have known.”
“I didn’t want you to see me in a place like that.”
“A lot happened while you were gone.”
“That’s kind of obvious given tonight’s little spectacle.”
“I wasn’t referring to that, I left Tom.”
The bombshell is so earth shattering that she should have concussion deafness, this is one hell of a way for God to test her commitment to her cause, “You did?”
Lynette looks away, “I went back to him but now I guess I am always going to wonder what would have happened if you were around or if I at least had have known where you were.”
She will probably spend a long time pondering that herself but right now she feels a sense of relief, “We have some very bad timing.”
Lynette turns back to face her, “We really do. I guess I should ask how you are doing.”
“I’ve had better days.”
“It’s okay,” Lynette draws their heads closer together, “I’m here now.” Kissing Lynette wasn’t exactly part of her plan and it is definitely going to make things more difficult in the long run but it would seem that she doesn’t have the ability to stop herself. She doesn’t even have the willpower to terminate the kiss and in the end they are forced apart by the sound of a throat being cleared.
Bree turns to the stairs, her face on fire thanks to a combination of desire and mortification. McCluskey stands there, her arms folded across her chest, “Lynette I thought we had an agreement that there would be no shenanigans from the two of you under my roof.”
Lynette doesn’t even seem concerned, “You should have known better than to trust a promise made by a liberal idiot.”
She feels the need to intervene, “I’m not sure what you think you saw but I can assure you that there is nothing untoward going on.”
“You don’t need to explain Bree, I already know that Lynette decided that her marriage vows were just serving suggestions and that she drew you into her little web.”
To Bree’s surprise Lynette doesn’t look offended and she doesn’t bite in response to Karen’s words, instead she is staring at Bree with a worried look on her face, “I probably should have mentioned this.”
“She knows?” normally she would be embarrassed to have asked such a pointless question but she is having a hard time believing that this is really happening.
“Yes she does.” McCluskey seems to think that she has the right to be irritated by this situation, Bree wants to tell her that she should relax because at least her life isn’t falling apart in front of her eyes but she can’t seem to make her vocal cords work.
“Before you get mad at me, I didn’t tell her.”
“It seems you girls have an overvalued impression of your talents in the areas of subtlety and discretion.”
It would appear that her voice box is back online, “Were we that obvious?”
“Don’t worry, I doubt many people know, I’m more observant than most and even I have a hard time believing that you find anything appealing in Scarvo.”
She feels like she should defend Lynette but Lynette is not someone who often needs protection and tonight is no exception, “You keep flattering me like that McCluskey and I might just have to turn my power of seduction on you.”
“I don’t have to stand around and listen to this, I’m going to bed but I want you upstairs in five minutes Bree, there will be no hanky-panky in my house.” McCluskey pauses at the top of the steps and adds, “Make sure you take care of her Bree, she may have many faults but she really does love you.”
Lynette rewards Karen a warm look and then focuses on Bree, “Don’t get hysterical, she’s not going to tell anyone about us.”
“I can’t believe that you can be so calm about this.”
The reply is defensive, “I’m not embarrassed to be with you.”
“I’m not embarrassed either but I am ashamed.”
“Well that’s incredibly flattering.”
“I’m not ashamed of you the person but I am ashamed about that fact that you are married and you are too or we wouldn’t be sneaking around.”
“Then you should be happy that we have one less person that we have to be hiding things from.”
“For some reason I don’t find that particularly comforting.”
“It doesn’t matter. Just go upstairs because she is likely to send a search party out for you if you don’t.”
“I don’t want us to go to bed angry.”
“I’m not angry, I’m just worn out, it has been a big night.”
“So you still love me?”
“More than ever.”
“I love you to, don’t ever doubt that.” Bree places a quick kiss on Lynette’s lip before heading upstairs. As she crawls into bed, trying not to disturb Danielle, she berates herself for not using this opportunity to distance herself from Lynette. She can’t afford to let her feelings for Lynette cloud her judgement, because she can’t risk the wrath of God. Looking at Danielle she knows that she doesn’t have a choice but with Lynette’s kiss still burning on her lips she can’t help but worry that she is not up to the task.