Faraway, But So Close (Adam/Kris, misc pairings) Rated: R
Title: Faraway, But So Close (Chapter six)
Author: xrazorbladesky and georgeegurl
Pairings/Character(s): Adam/Kris, Adam/Gabriel, Kris/Katy, Kris/Sauli, past Adam/Sauli.
Warnings:Domestic violence, self-injury, character death(main character), suicide, Supernatural beings, major depression, alcoholism.(Highlight to read)
Rating: R
Words: 3,657
Summary: Kris and Sauli have an interesting relationship.
Notes: Oi personal life has been busy for the both of us this week, hopefully things will be back to normal next week!
December 23th, 2012
There was nothing more fascinating about the Holiday season then the people rushing out of their houses and just flocking to crowd places. Commotion was sure to happen. People were crazy around the ‘Happiest season of all’. Happiness was a chaotic feeling. Getting everything together. Finding the perfect gift for your family and your friends. Decorating the tree and your house. Then there was the holiday parties. Those were always fun. Drinking egg nog, celebrating in the holiday spirit, singing along to jingles. That was what the holiday season was about.
Kris loved Christmas. There was nothing like it. Since he had moved to L.A. he hadn’t really had the perfect Christmas. The perfect Christmas, of course would be with his family back home. His family was always doing those things that got him into the spirit. But he started to believe that to surround yourself with people who care that you’ll find happiness when you least expect it.
Somehow, he found himself hosting a party all. Okay, it hadn’t been his idea, it was all Katy’s idea. He grew to like the idea the more he spent time decorating for it. Then there was of course making different platters for the guests that showed. Lastly, greeting people with Happy Holidays!
It was about an hour and a half in. He did have fun the first thirty or so minutes. But then things kind of got a little boring and he found himself just simply walking around scoping out the crowd with a beer in his hand. The apartment was packed, light music playing as people chatted or even danced.
Someone in particular seemed like they were having the most fun. Adam’s friend Tommy Joe Ratliff. He was all over the girls in the party. But he didn’t limit himself, he was all over some of the guys. It was not just dancing with them. It was getting heavily into things. The girls would push him away, the guys would give him horrible looks.
Kris didn’t mind it him being flirty. There was nothing wrong with that. Kris did have a problem with him being smashed. The people around him were his friends; Katy’s friends. He liked to keep good impressions and Tommy wasn’t a good impression. Nowhere even close to being. Things were kind of just getting to be too much for Kris to continue watching. He had to go over and just stop the madness.
Tommy had stepped back from the girl before he even got there. It seemed like he was looking around for his next prey. Just stalking for his next victim. Kris sighed. He really hated the guy.
“Hey,” Kris said.
A smile came to Tommy’s lips, turning towards him. His arm rose, the bottle of beer going out in front of him. “Man of the hour-no, day! Cheeers man!”
“I think you should leave.”
“Leave? But I’m having funnn!” He came closer to him, his arm lacing around his Kris’ neck . His breath stunk of beer. Ew. It had to be the worst smell. Sure, Kris was a beer drinker but just the smell made him feel nauseated.
“I think you need to stop drinking at least. And maybe even use the spare room to sleep it off. You’re...”
“You know...” He let out a little chuckle. “You’re kind of cute. Adam talks about you connnnstantly but never about you’re cuuuuteness. Adorrrable. Kissable.” Quickly, Tommy leaned in. Before Kris even knew what was happening, Tommy’s lips were on his.
“Okay,” Kris heard before someone stepped in between them. It took a moment to actually blink out of his trance to see a shorter man standing in front of him. “Maybe it’s time someone takes you home.”
“Sauli, Sauli, Sauli!” Tommy drawled, “I forgot you were here! Shouldn’t you be home with the family? I mean, you aren’t Adam’s boy toy anymore.”
Sauli ignored that and took a hold of his arm. “Why don’t I drive you home, yes? We don’t need you to be ill at a party.” He pulled gently at Tommy’s arm, but Tommy shook him off. “Let me put it another way. Kris ask you nicely to leave his home, you are no longer welcome here.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Kris could see Adam watching the three of them nervously. Why hadn’t he butted in yet? He had brought Tommy instead of Gabriel, shouldn’t he be telling Tommy to tone it down a bit?
Even Brad and Cassidy, who he had reluctantly invited, were behaving themselves.
“Fine, whatever,” Tommy slurred. “This party sucks anyways.”
He jerked his arm away, heading for the door. What an ass.
Sauli patted Kris’ arm. “There’s always one at every party. I’ll be back soon.”
Kris looked over at Adam, who was trying his hardest to ignore what was going on. If he didn’t want to deal with Tommy’s drunken shit, he shouldn’t have brought him.
January 1st, 2013
Hanging out with Sauli had become a regular thing for Kris. He found himself calling him just to talk about things. Even to grab a bite to eat. It started after the Christmas party. Sauli had come back to the apartment after the party had ended and they sat in the kitchen just talking for most of the night.
Time just seemed to go by. Conversation came easily and they realized that they had more than one thing in common. Sauli told Kris about Finland. He talked about his childhood and growing up how he got into modeling. And Kris did the same thing. Told him about what it was like being in the public eye and how though he liked winning American Idol and having his dream come true, he kind hated what it brought. Non-stop paparazzi following them around. Asking questions about his wife and his relationship. Gossip. How he sometimes even went on the internet to google his name to see what came up. What he saw, usually surprising him. Or even the stupid things. Pictures photoshopped to make it look like he was doing something he wasn’t.
A few days later, still they hadn’t ran out of things to talk about. Everyday things seemed to flow out and Kris began to kind of loosen up a bit.
Since Katy went back to Arkansas to visit her family the house had become somewhat quiet. Of course there was Lux, the little puppy beagle they adopted, but that still wasn’t the same as having his wife around. Coming home to an empty house just made him feel...lonely. He had remembered that Sauli had told him that if he ever needed anything that he could call and he would try to do his best to fulfill whatever it was.
Once he had arrived, things were a lot less lonely.
They had a couple of beers. Just enough for the little buzz, but not too much for the drunkeness. Kris had a smile on his face as he laughed to something Sauli had said. The laugh died down, and he kind of went quiet for a moment. His eyes just looking at the other man. “I’ve been thinking about something,” Kris said, taking just a small amount of liquid in from the bottle. “But I don’t really know what to think about it.”
“Oh yeah?” Sauli asked, setting his beer down on the table. He’s enjoyed these talks with Kris. Sure, it was a weird friendship, if you thought about it. It was his ex’s crush. Obvious crush. Adam and him didn’t work out for reasons that didn’t have anything to do with Kris. It mostly had to do with the distance and Adam working so much. He was amazed Adam had someone right now. “What’s that?”
Kris was quiet for a moment. “I keep thinking about that kiss Tommy gave me. And I find myself just sitting around just thinking about it. I...I don’t know what to think about it. It just comes into my head at the most random times.”
Sauli blinked. “You’re not really letting that kiss bother you, right? Tommy was drunk.” He’s always drunk, Sauli wanted to added, but he didn’t. “He just wanted to....get you...how you say it, twisted up? Don’t let it bother you.”
“Oh, I know that Tommy wanted to get to me. I didn’t have to know him for very long to realize that. Just the way he acted at the party was stupid. Rude. But...I didn’t pull away from the kiss. I just...let it happen. And it uh - it wasn’t that bad. The weird part though, is that I’ve thought about it before.”
“Kris,” He said slowly, sitting on the edge of his chair and looking straight at him. “Are you telling me that you are questioning your sexuality?”
“I...I think I’ve been questioning myself for awhile and I just pushed it all back. The feelings and everything. And there have been feelings before now. I just put them on the back burner and kind of hoped they’d go away. And I think in the end that kind of bit me in the ass. Because I can’t seem to stop now.”
Sauli sighed, he leaned a little closer to take Kris’ hand. “This is not something you figure out overnight, it takes awhile. Sometimes, you don’t even know till you are fifty. Some people. But almost everyone has a sexuality crisis at some point in their life, so don’t worry about liking the kiss, yeah?”
He rubbed circles on the back of Kris’ hand and smiled softly.
“Even you? You’ve...questioned yourself?” His eyes averted down to look at their hands, then back up. “You question yourself?”
“Yes, I have. You know, when I was thirteen, I liked this girl in school. It confused me, I thought I knew who I was. But, I guess I was just attracted to her kindness. We became friends, and kissed once, and it didn’t feel right. She was very understanding.”
“And that’s how you knew? Because the kiss didn’t seem right? The problem with that,” he gave a soft little chuckle. “The problem with that is that I’m married. I do love Katy. And...I’m just confused right now. Really confused.”
“I actually didn’t know until....My first time with a guy.”
“Your first time.” He watched Sauli closely as he gave a nod. The man’s head still tilted downward. Something...intrigued him just the slightest. When he looked up Kris inched in ward and pressed his lips gently against his. At first it was just that single kiss, Kris’ lips just staying there on Sauli’s like he was waiting for some kind of reaction. When there wasn’t one, he began to pull away only to be brought back gently against Sauli’s lips. His lips moved with ease as did what came natural.
He pushed Sauli back down on the couch. The kissing got a little more intense. A little more hungrier. There was a wanting in Kris that was clear.
It seemed like they were on the same wave length. At the same time they went for each other’s shirt buttons, only to get tangled up. That was what caused them to break apart. Kris looked down at him. He looked embarrassed like he thought that maybe the kiss shouldn’t have happened. “Sorry,” Sauli said.
“Sorry for what?” Kris moved his hand up to unbutton Sauli’s shirt buttons, his eyes staying on him. “You didn’t do anything.”
“But you are married,” Sauli stated the obvious. “I am unsure if this is a good idea.” He wasn’t stopping Kris from unbuttoning his shirt.
Kris leaned down, his lips pressing against Sauli’s chest, moving himself down then back up. Everything seemed to happen kind of quickly but at the same time, it was slow. Kris had pulled away, moving off of the other man before he looked down at him. His eyes going right to those ocean blue eyes before he leaned down and brought him back into a kiss, moving his arms around Sauli to pull him up but he only fell forward and onto him.
February 20th, 2016
Kris had done his best to ignore Brad, or Cassidy. They had been calling up his phone non-stop. How did he even become friends with the two? The two were kind of perfect together but insisted they were just friends. Everyone swore they were more than that. They probably were. It wouldn’t surprise him if they just have some arrangement of some sort to have freaky casual sex. Kris shook his head. If it wasn’t Cassidy or Brad, on the phone, it was his manager.
Kris focused more on writing for a change. There was so much inside that he hoped as soon as he picked up a pencil things just seemed to come out. His mind was running full of ideas that were released onto paper. Or, well, he tried to release them onto paper. He realized things were complicated. Normal. Everything was complicated and it had always been. It was a constant struggle that he fought against but failed.
Conclusion: Life got complicated but trying to explain it in words? That seemed a little more complicated.
“I can’t do this,” he said as he looked over at Sauli who was sitting on the other end of the couch. “Why does life have to suck so much? It seems like things just never work out. Or things happen so they won’t. I can’t even write a freaking song. Everything is crap. Just scribbles on a freaking pad of paper.”
“Do not push yourself so much, honey.” Sauli said, turning his head to look at Kris. He’d been watching the the news on mute. Why he was doing that was a mystery, they would mention something about Adam’s death every once and awhile. Maybe this was his way of coping? “Would you like to go out somewhere? You haven’t been out in days.”
And please answer that phone! Sauli’s inner thoughts screamed as the shrill ring started up again.
Kris looked down at his phone looking at who was calling. He gave a sigh. It was predictable by now. “I wish he would just stop calling. You’d think that he’d get the hint, you know? But he just keeps calling. But you have to think. It’s Brad Bell. He’s an idiot that just annoys the freaking hell out of you until you do what he says.”
“Why don’t you let me answer the phone? Maybe he will then get the hint that you do not want to talk to him.” Sauli suggested.
“All he’s going to do is tell me I should do something that I don’t want to do. And I just don’t want to listen to it. I just want everything to go away.” Kris looked to the TV screen just as an image of Adam came on. “Ugh! I just wish it would die down. It’s been over a month and you’d think that it would have! He’s dead! Yeah! We get the freaking hint. I just want it to stop. Everyone just needs to get past it. He wouldn’t want people to act like this because of him. Adam isn’t that type of person. He’s the type that would want people to try and be somewhat happy and just...he would want people to celebrate his passing.”
Sauli clicked the power button on the remote. He really didn’t have any comforting words, though he didn’t think Kris was quite over Adam’s passing as he was letting on, but he didn’t say anything. He stared down at Kris’ phone, that was going off again, and this time didn’t ask, he picked it up. “Can I help you, Bradley?” He said, watching Kris’ face redden with anger. But something could be wrong as well as Brad just being his normal annoying self.
Listening to the one ended conversation just made him more angry and he just reached over and took the phone from Sauli, leaning back on the couch as he placed the phone to his ear. “Don’t you have a life? You’re supposed to be living it. But all you’re doing is stalking me. Should I call the cops or yet file a restraining order? It’s getting kind of annoying because you just keep calling. It’s like every two minutes. Sometimes, just sometimes the calls actually wait five fucking minutes.”
The end of the phone was silent but Kris knew Brad quite well. He had to be the last to talk in every conversation. “What if I was calling to tell you something important?”
“Brad, get a fucking life. Don’t go to those fucking clubs to get fucked up only to end up in some strangers arms in the same night. Hey, maybe you could do everyone a favor and just find someone to spend your life with. Or better yet, look right in front of your fucking face. Have a nice day.” Kris moved the phone down from his ear, throwing it down on the couch beside him. “I hate that guy. I really do.”
“I do not understand, Kris. He is going to keep calling you until you listen to what he has to say, so why don’t you?”
“You don’t know Brad better than I do. I’ve known him for longer and I just get fucking fed up with him. Just everything about him. He puts himself out there and just acts stupid so guys will ultimately fuck him into a mattress as hard as they can. Meaningless. And the only thing he wants to tell me, most likely that I should go check up on Tommy. Who was released the other day from the hospital.”
Sauli looked taken aback. “Tommy was in the hospital? What for?” He asked.
Kris stared at him. He made the point not to tell a lot of people about what had happened to Tommy. Brad was the first on the list to tell though. Brad at this thing where he would always tell Tommy he was like an adopted member of the family. Called him his little pet. Kris rolled his eyes at that when he first heard it used. Pet. Who calls a person a pet? He had even reached up and ran his fingers through Tommy’s hair. Kris treaded lightly due to the fact that he hadn’t told him yet. And usually he would tell him just about anything and everything. “Tommy went into the hospital a few days ago. I found him in his room. He swallowed a lot of pills that he hoped would put him out of his misery. And it didn’t. I honestly, don’t really care.”
“Oh.” Sauli looked down at the floor. He knew Tommy was taking Adam’s death hard, but he didn’t expect that. To be honest, he didn’t know what to expect. He really wanted everyone to be more angry....more upset. “I respect your choice, Kris, but I do not understand you couldn’t be wondering how Tommy is doing.”
“I’m not. The guy tried to kill himself. I mean, come on. That’s not the fucking answer to your problems. You don’t go and off yourself because you can’t stand to live without someone.”
“Do you ever stop to think maybe his mind - his alcoholic brain is telling him he can’t live without Adam? Or this could have just been the icing on the cake, that just pushed him over the edge. He hasn’t been right for a long time, Kris.” Sauli said, “I’m sorry not everyone is coping as good as you, but you know, I really fucking wish we were.”
“What do you want me to do? You want me to just sit here and tell you that I’m pissed off at Adam? Or that I haven’t slept good since it happened. Or that sometimes, just sometimes I think he’s here but then I actually think...oh, wait. He’s fucking dead. And I don’t really know how he died because I wasn’t fucking told anything except his death was accidental so who knows really how he died? Or do you want me to cry? Or throw a temper tantrum? That’s really not who I am. I don’t sit in front of people and tell them my problems. I don’t blab them to the world. They’re not supposed to be heard let alone seen to the world. Emotions are something you’re supposed to keep yourself because in the end, they make you look fucking stupid.”
Sauli took a deep breath before he opened his mouth to speak again. He knew this might hurt Kris, but he couldn’t help it, “You know, I used to feel bad because we were hooking up when I came here every once and awhile and Adam never got to even kiss you. But now, I’m know, I’m not so sure about that. Maybe he was better off without you. Have a good fucking life, Kris Allen.” He stood up off the couch, stomping angrily into the hallway, and out the door with a huge BANG.
Author: xrazorbladesky and georgeegurl
Pairings/Character(s): Adam/Kris, Adam/Gabriel, Kris/Katy, Kris/Sauli, past Adam/Sauli.
Warnings:Domestic violence, self-injury, character death(main character), suicide, Supernatural beings, major depression, alcoholism.(Highlight to read)
Rating: R
Words: 3,657
Summary: Kris and Sauli have an interesting relationship.
Notes: Oi personal life has been busy for the both of us this week, hopefully things will be back to normal next week!
December 23th, 2012
There was nothing more fascinating about the Holiday season then the people rushing out of their houses and just flocking to crowd places. Commotion was sure to happen. People were crazy around the ‘Happiest season of all’. Happiness was a chaotic feeling. Getting everything together. Finding the perfect gift for your family and your friends. Decorating the tree and your house. Then there was the holiday parties. Those were always fun. Drinking egg nog, celebrating in the holiday spirit, singing along to jingles. That was what the holiday season was about.
Kris loved Christmas. There was nothing like it. Since he had moved to L.A. he hadn’t really had the perfect Christmas. The perfect Christmas, of course would be with his family back home. His family was always doing those things that got him into the spirit. But he started to believe that to surround yourself with people who care that you’ll find happiness when you least expect it.
Somehow, he found himself hosting a party all. Okay, it hadn’t been his idea, it was all Katy’s idea. He grew to like the idea the more he spent time decorating for it. Then there was of course making different platters for the guests that showed. Lastly, greeting people with Happy Holidays!
It was about an hour and a half in. He did have fun the first thirty or so minutes. But then things kind of got a little boring and he found himself just simply walking around scoping out the crowd with a beer in his hand. The apartment was packed, light music playing as people chatted or even danced.
Someone in particular seemed like they were having the most fun. Adam’s friend Tommy Joe Ratliff. He was all over the girls in the party. But he didn’t limit himself, he was all over some of the guys. It was not just dancing with them. It was getting heavily into things. The girls would push him away, the guys would give him horrible looks.
Kris didn’t mind it him being flirty. There was nothing wrong with that. Kris did have a problem with him being smashed. The people around him were his friends; Katy’s friends. He liked to keep good impressions and Tommy wasn’t a good impression. Nowhere even close to being. Things were kind of just getting to be too much for Kris to continue watching. He had to go over and just stop the madness.
Tommy had stepped back from the girl before he even got there. It seemed like he was looking around for his next prey. Just stalking for his next victim. Kris sighed. He really hated the guy.
“Hey,” Kris said.
A smile came to Tommy’s lips, turning towards him. His arm rose, the bottle of beer going out in front of him. “Man of the hour-no, day! Cheeers man!”
“I think you should leave.”
“Leave? But I’m having funnn!” He came closer to him, his arm lacing around his Kris’ neck . His breath stunk of beer. Ew. It had to be the worst smell. Sure, Kris was a beer drinker but just the smell made him feel nauseated.
“I think you need to stop drinking at least. And maybe even use the spare room to sleep it off. You’re...”
“You know...” He let out a little chuckle. “You’re kind of cute. Adam talks about you connnnstantly but never about you’re cuuuuteness. Adorrrable. Kissable.” Quickly, Tommy leaned in. Before Kris even knew what was happening, Tommy’s lips were on his.
“Okay,” Kris heard before someone stepped in between them. It took a moment to actually blink out of his trance to see a shorter man standing in front of him. “Maybe it’s time someone takes you home.”
“Sauli, Sauli, Sauli!” Tommy drawled, “I forgot you were here! Shouldn’t you be home with the family? I mean, you aren’t Adam’s boy toy anymore.”
Sauli ignored that and took a hold of his arm. “Why don’t I drive you home, yes? We don’t need you to be ill at a party.” He pulled gently at Tommy’s arm, but Tommy shook him off. “Let me put it another way. Kris ask you nicely to leave his home, you are no longer welcome here.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Kris could see Adam watching the three of them nervously. Why hadn’t he butted in yet? He had brought Tommy instead of Gabriel, shouldn’t he be telling Tommy to tone it down a bit?
Even Brad and Cassidy, who he had reluctantly invited, were behaving themselves.
“Fine, whatever,” Tommy slurred. “This party sucks anyways.”
He jerked his arm away, heading for the door. What an ass.
Sauli patted Kris’ arm. “There’s always one at every party. I’ll be back soon.”
Kris looked over at Adam, who was trying his hardest to ignore what was going on. If he didn’t want to deal with Tommy’s drunken shit, he shouldn’t have brought him.
January 1st, 2013
Hanging out with Sauli had become a regular thing for Kris. He found himself calling him just to talk about things. Even to grab a bite to eat. It started after the Christmas party. Sauli had come back to the apartment after the party had ended and they sat in the kitchen just talking for most of the night.
Time just seemed to go by. Conversation came easily and they realized that they had more than one thing in common. Sauli told Kris about Finland. He talked about his childhood and growing up how he got into modeling. And Kris did the same thing. Told him about what it was like being in the public eye and how though he liked winning American Idol and having his dream come true, he kind hated what it brought. Non-stop paparazzi following them around. Asking questions about his wife and his relationship. Gossip. How he sometimes even went on the internet to google his name to see what came up. What he saw, usually surprising him. Or even the stupid things. Pictures photoshopped to make it look like he was doing something he wasn’t.
A few days later, still they hadn’t ran out of things to talk about. Everyday things seemed to flow out and Kris began to kind of loosen up a bit.
Since Katy went back to Arkansas to visit her family the house had become somewhat quiet. Of course there was Lux, the little puppy beagle they adopted, but that still wasn’t the same as having his wife around. Coming home to an empty house just made him feel...lonely. He had remembered that Sauli had told him that if he ever needed anything that he could call and he would try to do his best to fulfill whatever it was.
Once he had arrived, things were a lot less lonely.
They had a couple of beers. Just enough for the little buzz, but not too much for the drunkeness. Kris had a smile on his face as he laughed to something Sauli had said. The laugh died down, and he kind of went quiet for a moment. His eyes just looking at the other man. “I’ve been thinking about something,” Kris said, taking just a small amount of liquid in from the bottle. “But I don’t really know what to think about it.”
“Oh yeah?” Sauli asked, setting his beer down on the table. He’s enjoyed these talks with Kris. Sure, it was a weird friendship, if you thought about it. It was his ex’s crush. Obvious crush. Adam and him didn’t work out for reasons that didn’t have anything to do with Kris. It mostly had to do with the distance and Adam working so much. He was amazed Adam had someone right now. “What’s that?”
Kris was quiet for a moment. “I keep thinking about that kiss Tommy gave me. And I find myself just sitting around just thinking about it. I...I don’t know what to think about it. It just comes into my head at the most random times.”
Sauli blinked. “You’re not really letting that kiss bother you, right? Tommy was drunk.” He’s always drunk, Sauli wanted to added, but he didn’t. “He just wanted to....get you...how you say it, twisted up? Don’t let it bother you.”
“Oh, I know that Tommy wanted to get to me. I didn’t have to know him for very long to realize that. Just the way he acted at the party was stupid. Rude. But...I didn’t pull away from the kiss. I just...let it happen. And it uh - it wasn’t that bad. The weird part though, is that I’ve thought about it before.”
“Kris,” He said slowly, sitting on the edge of his chair and looking straight at him. “Are you telling me that you are questioning your sexuality?”
“I...I think I’ve been questioning myself for awhile and I just pushed it all back. The feelings and everything. And there have been feelings before now. I just put them on the back burner and kind of hoped they’d go away. And I think in the end that kind of bit me in the ass. Because I can’t seem to stop now.”
Sauli sighed, he leaned a little closer to take Kris’ hand. “This is not something you figure out overnight, it takes awhile. Sometimes, you don’t even know till you are fifty. Some people. But almost everyone has a sexuality crisis at some point in their life, so don’t worry about liking the kiss, yeah?”
He rubbed circles on the back of Kris’ hand and smiled softly.
“Even you? You’ve...questioned yourself?” His eyes averted down to look at their hands, then back up. “You question yourself?”
“Yes, I have. You know, when I was thirteen, I liked this girl in school. It confused me, I thought I knew who I was. But, I guess I was just attracted to her kindness. We became friends, and kissed once, and it didn’t feel right. She was very understanding.”
“And that’s how you knew? Because the kiss didn’t seem right? The problem with that,” he gave a soft little chuckle. “The problem with that is that I’m married. I do love Katy. And...I’m just confused right now. Really confused.”
“I actually didn’t know until....My first time with a guy.”
“Your first time.” He watched Sauli closely as he gave a nod. The man’s head still tilted downward. Something...intrigued him just the slightest. When he looked up Kris inched in ward and pressed his lips gently against his. At first it was just that single kiss, Kris’ lips just staying there on Sauli’s like he was waiting for some kind of reaction. When there wasn’t one, he began to pull away only to be brought back gently against Sauli’s lips. His lips moved with ease as did what came natural.
He pushed Sauli back down on the couch. The kissing got a little more intense. A little more hungrier. There was a wanting in Kris that was clear.
It seemed like they were on the same wave length. At the same time they went for each other’s shirt buttons, only to get tangled up. That was what caused them to break apart. Kris looked down at him. He looked embarrassed like he thought that maybe the kiss shouldn’t have happened. “Sorry,” Sauli said.
“Sorry for what?” Kris moved his hand up to unbutton Sauli’s shirt buttons, his eyes staying on him. “You didn’t do anything.”
“But you are married,” Sauli stated the obvious. “I am unsure if this is a good idea.” He wasn’t stopping Kris from unbuttoning his shirt.
Kris leaned down, his lips pressing against Sauli’s chest, moving himself down then back up. Everything seemed to happen kind of quickly but at the same time, it was slow. Kris had pulled away, moving off of the other man before he looked down at him. His eyes going right to those ocean blue eyes before he leaned down and brought him back into a kiss, moving his arms around Sauli to pull him up but he only fell forward and onto him.
February 20th, 2016
Kris had done his best to ignore Brad, or Cassidy. They had been calling up his phone non-stop. How did he even become friends with the two? The two were kind of perfect together but insisted they were just friends. Everyone swore they were more than that. They probably were. It wouldn’t surprise him if they just have some arrangement of some sort to have freaky casual sex. Kris shook his head. If it wasn’t Cassidy or Brad, on the phone, it was his manager.
Kris focused more on writing for a change. There was so much inside that he hoped as soon as he picked up a pencil things just seemed to come out. His mind was running full of ideas that were released onto paper. Or, well, he tried to release them onto paper. He realized things were complicated. Normal. Everything was complicated and it had always been. It was a constant struggle that he fought against but failed.
Conclusion: Life got complicated but trying to explain it in words? That seemed a little more complicated.
“I can’t do this,” he said as he looked over at Sauli who was sitting on the other end of the couch. “Why does life have to suck so much? It seems like things just never work out. Or things happen so they won’t. I can’t even write a freaking song. Everything is crap. Just scribbles on a freaking pad of paper.”
“Do not push yourself so much, honey.” Sauli said, turning his head to look at Kris. He’d been watching the the news on mute. Why he was doing that was a mystery, they would mention something about Adam’s death every once and awhile. Maybe this was his way of coping? “Would you like to go out somewhere? You haven’t been out in days.”
And please answer that phone! Sauli’s inner thoughts screamed as the shrill ring started up again.
Kris looked down at his phone looking at who was calling. He gave a sigh. It was predictable by now. “I wish he would just stop calling. You’d think that he’d get the hint, you know? But he just keeps calling. But you have to think. It’s Brad Bell. He’s an idiot that just annoys the freaking hell out of you until you do what he says.”
“Why don’t you let me answer the phone? Maybe he will then get the hint that you do not want to talk to him.” Sauli suggested.
“All he’s going to do is tell me I should do something that I don’t want to do. And I just don’t want to listen to it. I just want everything to go away.” Kris looked to the TV screen just as an image of Adam came on. “Ugh! I just wish it would die down. It’s been over a month and you’d think that it would have! He’s dead! Yeah! We get the freaking hint. I just want it to stop. Everyone just needs to get past it. He wouldn’t want people to act like this because of him. Adam isn’t that type of person. He’s the type that would want people to try and be somewhat happy and just...he would want people to celebrate his passing.”
Sauli clicked the power button on the remote. He really didn’t have any comforting words, though he didn’t think Kris was quite over Adam’s passing as he was letting on, but he didn’t say anything. He stared down at Kris’ phone, that was going off again, and this time didn’t ask, he picked it up. “Can I help you, Bradley?” He said, watching Kris’ face redden with anger. But something could be wrong as well as Brad just being his normal annoying self.
Listening to the one ended conversation just made him more angry and he just reached over and took the phone from Sauli, leaning back on the couch as he placed the phone to his ear. “Don’t you have a life? You’re supposed to be living it. But all you’re doing is stalking me. Should I call the cops or yet file a restraining order? It’s getting kind of annoying because you just keep calling. It’s like every two minutes. Sometimes, just sometimes the calls actually wait five fucking minutes.”
The end of the phone was silent but Kris knew Brad quite well. He had to be the last to talk in every conversation. “What if I was calling to tell you something important?”
“Brad, get a fucking life. Don’t go to those fucking clubs to get fucked up only to end up in some strangers arms in the same night. Hey, maybe you could do everyone a favor and just find someone to spend your life with. Or better yet, look right in front of your fucking face. Have a nice day.” Kris moved the phone down from his ear, throwing it down on the couch beside him. “I hate that guy. I really do.”
“I do not understand, Kris. He is going to keep calling you until you listen to what he has to say, so why don’t you?”
“You don’t know Brad better than I do. I’ve known him for longer and I just get fucking fed up with him. Just everything about him. He puts himself out there and just acts stupid so guys will ultimately fuck him into a mattress as hard as they can. Meaningless. And the only thing he wants to tell me, most likely that I should go check up on Tommy. Who was released the other day from the hospital.”
Sauli looked taken aback. “Tommy was in the hospital? What for?” He asked.
Kris stared at him. He made the point not to tell a lot of people about what had happened to Tommy. Brad was the first on the list to tell though. Brad at this thing where he would always tell Tommy he was like an adopted member of the family. Called him his little pet. Kris rolled his eyes at that when he first heard it used. Pet. Who calls a person a pet? He had even reached up and ran his fingers through Tommy’s hair. Kris treaded lightly due to the fact that he hadn’t told him yet. And usually he would tell him just about anything and everything. “Tommy went into the hospital a few days ago. I found him in his room. He swallowed a lot of pills that he hoped would put him out of his misery. And it didn’t. I honestly, don’t really care.”
“Oh.” Sauli looked down at the floor. He knew Tommy was taking Adam’s death hard, but he didn’t expect that. To be honest, he didn’t know what to expect. He really wanted everyone to be more angry....more upset. “I respect your choice, Kris, but I do not understand you couldn’t be wondering how Tommy is doing.”
“I’m not. The guy tried to kill himself. I mean, come on. That’s not the fucking answer to your problems. You don’t go and off yourself because you can’t stand to live without someone.”
“Do you ever stop to think maybe his mind - his alcoholic brain is telling him he can’t live without Adam? Or this could have just been the icing on the cake, that just pushed him over the edge. He hasn’t been right for a long time, Kris.” Sauli said, “I’m sorry not everyone is coping as good as you, but you know, I really fucking wish we were.”
“What do you want me to do? You want me to just sit here and tell you that I’m pissed off at Adam? Or that I haven’t slept good since it happened. Or that sometimes, just sometimes I think he’s here but then I actually think...oh, wait. He’s fucking dead. And I don’t really know how he died because I wasn’t fucking told anything except his death was accidental so who knows really how he died? Or do you want me to cry? Or throw a temper tantrum? That’s really not who I am. I don’t sit in front of people and tell them my problems. I don’t blab them to the world. They’re not supposed to be heard let alone seen to the world. Emotions are something you’re supposed to keep yourself because in the end, they make you look fucking stupid.”
Sauli took a deep breath before he opened his mouth to speak again. He knew this might hurt Kris, but he couldn’t help it, “You know, I used to feel bad because we were hooking up when I came here every once and awhile and Adam never got to even kiss you. But now, I’m know, I’m not so sure about that. Maybe he was better off without you. Have a good fucking life, Kris Allen.” He stood up off the couch, stomping angrily into the hallway, and out the door with a huge BANG.