Faraway, But So Close (Adam/Kris, misc pairings) Rated: R
Title: Faraway, But So Close (Chapter Seven)
Author: xrazorbladesky and georgeegurl
Pairings/Character(s): Adam/Kris, Adam/Gabriel, Kris/Katy.
Warnings:Domestic violence, self-injury, character death(main character), suicide, Supernatural beings, major depression, alcoholism.(Highlight to read)
Rating: R
Words: 4,907
Summary: It's been two months since Adam passed away and someone unexpected makes an appearance.
Notes: We're really excited about this chapter, enjoy!
January 4th, 2013
Bring the new year in with a bang, everyone told him. He was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be taken so literally. It was supposed to mean spending the last few moments of the new year with the people - or person that means the most to you.
He did that.
He had his midnight kiss with Katy followed by a nice dessert. Then Katy went off to visit her family while Kris had work. He was pretty sure that it didn’t mean that he was supposed to mess around with another person. Especially after a nice night with his wife. That was a great way to bring in the new year. Just thinking about it made him feel kind of sick.
Eating breakfast while Katy made herself busy with getting orange juice for the two of them, was almost impossible. Her long blonde hair was thrown up in a messy bun and she still had her pajamas on; cartoon sleep pants and a simple tank top. She looked beautiful. Just as beautiful as the day he had met her.
He loved his wife. He did. They were best friends when they got married and he’d like to think that they were still. They told each other everything. Well, almost everything. Kris has been keeping things more to himself lately and that just made him feel guilty. Just keeping things from her made him feel guilty.
Guilt could eat you alive.
She came back and placed the glass on the table in front of him before sitting down in her chair. A smile Come to her lips as she picked up her fork, “I hope you like it. It’s your favorite. Sunny side up eggs with Bacon.”
Kris couldn’t help but just stare at her. He somehow found himself nodding. “I’m-I’m sure I will.”
She still smiled and for what seemed like the longest time, she was quiet. They both were. It made him kind of squirm just a tad as he watched her look down at her plate and eat what was on it.
“I need to tell you something,” he sighed. There was no way that he could do this any longer. He was going crazy.
She looked up at him,”Yes?”
“I...I...Something happened a few days ago.”
“Something?”
“Yes. Something happened...I - I kind of slept with someone else. It just happened and I knew it was happening. I let it happen.”
Her face was emotionless, unreadable. “Slept with someon - someone else?” There it was. Emotion. A crack in her voice.
“Yes.”
“W -” Her fork was dropped with a clank. “Wh-who?”
A deep breath. His heart was beating kind of quickly at what he had to say next - what he needed to say next. “I slept with - I uh - I slept with Sauli.”
“Sauli?” She asked, her mouth dropping open. “I don’t understand, Kris. Why would you do that? Are you not....feeling needed enough by me?”
This time it was Kris’ turn to have his mouth fall open. Did she not hear what he said. He slept with Sauli. A another man. Shouldn’t she be just a little focused on that? “I don’t - I....I’m so confused, Katy. I’m so sorry.”
Katy sat back in her chair, letting out a sigh. She still looked angry, but she also looked like she wanted to talk calmly about this. Good, Kris really didn’t want to yelled at. “What are you confused about, Kris?”
“I - I think I....” He looked down at the table, tracing little lines. Was he really about to tell his wife he was attracted to men? Kris really didn’t want to do this anymore. “I think I like men, too.”
Katy nodded. “I’ve had a feeling. Ever since the end of the Idol tour, you’ve been different. At first, I didn’t know what it was,” She paused for a few minutes. “Then we saw Adam at the AMAs, and I saw it in your eyes. You felt something for him. You still do feel something for him, and he loves you. I guess I was just waiting for you to say something.”
Kris didn’t deny it. There was no use when Katy knew him so well. The last thing on his mind right now was Adam. He was more worried about how this was going to end. Katy was going to divorce him for sure, and she had every right to. She needed someone that would treat her like a queen, and wasn’t going to step out on her.
March 7th, 2016 Part One
Alone.
Kris had never felt more alone in his life. It was like he was some kind of robot that only consisted of doing a total of three things. Eat, sleep, work. He felt like it. Felt like someone that was drained and worn out like an old pair of converses. There was nothing he wanted to do more than just crawl up in bed after a long day of work and just sleep.
He felt exhausted and the sad part was even if he went to lay down in bed, he wouldn’t sleep. Just closing his eyes and laying there wouldn’t work. So, he’d be up for most of the night only to fall asleep on the living room couch right before the sun was to come up. He honestly didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was all the tension in his shoulders, his neck and his whole freaking body. Or maybe it was because he was falling asleep on the couch. Couches can get you in the most weird positions. Though they might feel comfortable at the time, they usually made just about everything hurt when you wake up.
Kris sighed, looking down at the dog on the floor next to his feet.
Just you and me, Lux.
The dog looked back at him, lazily before resting its head back down. Probably ready for yet another nap. Dogs had it so easy when it came to sleeping. They always seemed tired. Always sleeping. He wished he was a dog. He would love to sleep all day only to get treats for being a ‘good boy’.
Kris looked back at the table in front of him. Pieces of papers were scattered all over the table. Frustration was all that he felt. He barely even got work down. Renting out stupid time to go in and take several takes on one song but never making it to the second song. Or even having problems with his vocals. His voice would crack when he tried to reach a note that he couldn’t get to. Then the band members, his friends, would make comments about him losing his touch and saying that maybe he needed a break. It seemed like he’d been taking one. He was basically doing nothing besides being a couch potato.
At his feet he felt Lux move to stand. Her body turning towards the sink and letting out a loud bark. Kris ducked his head downward at the table at the papers in front of him. Dogs. They barked at anything and everything.
Another bark filled the room, making Kris jump a little as he turned to look at Lux. “Girl, why don’t you go lay down. Please. I’m too tired. You were just let out earlier. Now, it’s time to lay down. “
The dog just stood there before she started to walk.
Kris looked back at the table. Might as well call it a night. Or at least try to call it a night. Standing, he leaned across the table to scoot the papers closer to him before gathering them into a neater stack. He placed them back down then turned.
Lux was still there. What was going on with her these days? There was no telling what. “Come on, girl. There’s a bed awaiting us.”
Nothing. Kris walked closer to the dog, she had moved to sit down, her paw moving up. A trick Kris had taught her. Shaking his hand. Kris’ eyes scanned the area. No spider was crawling up the way, no cat in sight, no leaky faucet. No - Kris’ eyes stopped. In the other side of the sink - where the dish strainer was there was one single glass.
A glass.
Kris walked over to the sink and looked at the strainer. He hadn’t had wine in months. Settled for beer. It tasted a lot better.
He picked up the glass slowly, holding it up to the light. There had been nothing in it. Was it possible he found it somewhere around the house earlier and just left it there in the strainer to put away later? No, he wasn’t that lazy. And didn’t he get rid of all his wine glasses two months ago?
....Two months ago.
The glass slipped from Kris’ hand, and Lux jumped from the floor with a yelp. Kris slowly took out his phone to check the date. The lack of sleep had caused him to not pay attention to what day it was.
He turned his phone on, staring at the bottom of the screen.
March 7th.
No, it wasn’t possible. There hadn’t been a wine glass in there. He was tired and seeing things. He needed sleep, badly.
Kris put his phone on the counter, “Lux, let’s go.”
She barked, and lead the way out of the kitchen. Was he finally losing his mind?
March 7th, 2016 Part Two
It took forever to get Brad out of the his apartment. Took him forever to convince him that he was okay and that it was okay to leave him alone so he didn’t feel like he was being watched when he was attempting to sleep. He hated that. If anything, the hospital made him feel paranoid. Tommy didn’t like it one bit. It felt like every two minutes someone came into the room while you were sleeping. Even when he had did his time in the psychiatric ward.
What was it with those people? They ruled people’s lives. Telling them they had to keep him for at least seventy two hours so they knew he wasn’t going to pose any threat to himself. What a bunch of bullshit. No part of him whatsoever regretted what he had done. And people couldn’t just accept that.
Ever since he had gotten out, all he’s been doing is getting annoyed by Brad and resting on the couch. And honestly, it was a relief to have seen Brad leave. He had a feeling, that it wouldn’t be the last time he’d see Brad. He would be back.
Tommy turned from the door to look at his apartment. It was spotless. His apartment was never this clean and he liked it that way. He used to know where everything was: his keys, his wallet, his bass. Now, everything seemed to be out of place. All thanks to Cassidy. He got every speck of dust off of the fans. Never had he pictured the man to be a clean freak. But he was. They both kind of were.
He tried not to think anymore about them. He just wanted to get to bed. It was late and his eyes were closing and no matter he tried to keep them open, they ultimately closed. Laying down would be nice. Moving into his bed, and just...sleeping.
His body felt heavy as he dragged himself into bed, and pulled the covers over himself. He didn’t get any sleep in the ward between the checks every fifteen minutes, and the roommate he had been stuck with constantly moaning in his sleep. Having heard how he came to be there, he did feel bad for the guy. The guy was twenty, dealing with post traumatic stress disorder and had watched his father murder his mother who was sleeping in bed next to him. All because he thought his mother was cheating on him with another man.
Tommy turned over trying not to think about it. He’d been out of the hospital for just over two weeks and still distant screams from the hallways haunted his dreams at night. He could hear someone down the hallway screaming for his father to stop beating him, and across the hall a girls voice talking to someone really loudly. He couldn’t hear the other person. That place was enough to drive anyone mad.
As he began to drift off, images of peaceful fields passed in front of his closed eyes just before he felt something touch his head. If he was getting spiders in the apartment again, he was going to light it on fire.
His hand rose to brush the side of his head. Nothing. It made him actually feel relieved. There was no way that he could deal with more spiders. They had almost took over his apartment. He was glad he had gotten rid of them. He didn’t know if he could deal with anymore. Sometimes it made him wonder if it was just him who saw them. They never seemed to come out with anyone else was there.
He shook his head before he brought his arm back under the blanket. That was the exact moment when it started up again. It felt like someone was running their hand through his hair. ignore, Tommy. Ignore. he thought to himself. That’s what he tried to do. Ignore it. But there was something about it. Something...familiar.
It felt like he was losing it. Feeling touches that seemed familiar or otherwise, was down right crazy. His eyes slowly opened and there on his bed, curled into his side was...was Adam.
No.
It couldn’t be Adam, he was dead. Dead. There was no way that he could be laying with him on the bed. Just no way. He blinked. Crazy. He was going crazy. But when he opened his eyes, the figure was still on the bed staring at him with those bright blue eyes he used to know so well. Reaching out a hand, his fingers passed through the figure. He jumped back, his arms shaking violently.
What the fuck just happened?
“Don’t be afraid,” Adam said calmly. “I just want to talk to you.”
Tommy stared with his mouth ajar. How was this fucking happening?
“I’m really here Tommy. No one is doing this to you.” And then Adam smirked. “You know, I always loved it when you left your mouth hanging open like that.”
Tommy snapped his mouth shut instantly. “I must be losing my fucking mind. No wonder they put me in the psych ward.”
“Oh yeah, that’s another thing. What the fuck were you thinking? You were going to off yourself? All because of what happened to me?” He said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Like he wasn’t a ghost and just his friend Adam. “I watched you stumble into your room - oh and remember when you told me you stopped drinking? Thanks for lying about that - and watched you down those pills. If Kris wouldn’t have found you in another fifteen minutes, you would have been gone.”
“I wish he wouldn’t have. He should have left me there, the fucker hates me anyways.”
“It’s not your time, Tommy.”
“Oh, but it was yours?!” He screamed. “Tell me how it was your time Adam! Make me understand why you were fucking taken from us! Why I woke up that morning and Isaac was at my door. He found out on the news.” Tommy huffed, rising onto his knees to yell, “How did it happen, anyways? The only other person in that house hasn’t said a fucking word about what happened!”
“Tommy -“
“Just fucking get out of here, Adam, or whatever...whoever you are. Go visit Kris. You know, the one you were in love with? He’s doing great, by the way, totally over you - it’s like nothing even happened!”
“Kris doesn’t need me right now, Tommy.”
“And I don’t need you!” Tommy screeched, pushing himself off the bed and grabbing the lamp off the nightstand. “I never needed you! I don’t fucking need anyone!” He threw the lamp at Adam, and it passed through his body, crashing against the wall. Tommy fell to the ground, head buried in his arm. “You aren’t real, you aren’t real!” He chanted to himself. So badly he wanted to sleep. It has done wonders to his mind not to sleep. Seeing things! Just seeing things. He was just seeing things.
All he wanted now more ever was to be dead
March 7th, 2016 Part Three
The only thing that Kris hated more than the phone ringing was the phone ringing at midnight. It pissed him off more than anything. Being woken by some stupid lunatic that didn’t have a life or even had insomnia. Who would call someone at midnight? He couldn’t understand it. Just when he had gotten asleep it figured that it would ring. Not even looking at who was calling, he placed it to his ear. His eyes fluttered back shut, giving a little sigh. Just what he wanted; to be talking to someone at midnight. “Hello?”
“I saw him. I saw him. He was laying right next to me...”
Kris was quiet. It was too early for this bullshit. All he wanted to do was listen to his body and just go back to sleep. Especially if he had to listen to Tommy’s drunken midnight chatter. The man needed to get his fucking act together. Since he could remember he had drank. Since he could remember, he was also an idiot “I’m going back to sleep. Maybe you should do that. Sleep off the booze.”
“You don’t believe me.”
“I think you’ve drank yourself into hallucinating. And it’s freaking early to be listening to any of it. Why didn’t you just call Brad or Cass? Or even Isaac. I’m sure they would be more than happy to talk to you. Me? I’m not too happy with the early moment sleep interruptions. They might be.”
“I’m not drunk,” Tommy said. “I haven’t drank in a few days.”
“A few days isn’t anything special...It’s really nothing special.”
“Will you just fucking listen to me?!”
“Why the heck did you call me?”
“Because if I call Brad then he’d just play things off like I was crazy. He’s the type of person that would go with everything, playing it up. Plus, I want nothing to do with Brad. He’s just annoying. He and his freaking boyfriend or whatever they are cleaned my apartment and now I don’t know where anything is. And then I went to bed. I closed my eyes. But then something touches me.”
“Touching you. So, you want everyone to believe that...?”
“Adam Lambert was in my fucking bed.”
“I really don’t want to know what’s going on in your bed. That’s something that should just stay between you and well,” he let out a small sarcastic chuckle. “Between you and Adam.”
“Ugh! Why do you have to be so fucking impossible? You’re impossible. Everytime I try to be civil to you it’s like you just turn around and are a complete jerk.”
“Are you going to cry about it? Do you want a bucket to put your tears in? Maybe you could water the plants with it?”
The other end of the line went silent for a few moments. “What did I ever do to you? It seems like everyone...everyone else doesn’t have a problem with me. But you. You just decided that you hate me and didn’t bother getting to know me.”
“I didn’t just decide to hate you. Everything that I feel towards you has reason. Everything. You’re a coward. You don’t care about anyone around you. You think more about yourself then how what you do affects people.”
Tommy sighed, “I know what I saw, Kris. He knows about everything that’s going on. About me...personal things about you. But he said you don’t need him right now. I just don’t want to be alone right now. I’m sorry for bothering you.”
The line went dead and Kris put his phone on the nightstand. Personal things about him? What could this Adam that Tommy supposedly saw know about him. He didn’t have many secrets to begin with. But he wasn’t going to worry about it. It was probably just another one of Tommy’s drunken calls. He’d got one before that was meant for Adam, it was mostly babble.
Tommy did sound sober, but over the years he’d gotten pretty good at tricking them.
March 8th, 2016 Part One
Sauli kicked the covers off himself and rolled over again. He was not having a good night. The day before he’d talked to Adam’s brother for a while. Lelia was still a mess and Eber was walking around the house as though nothing was wrong. Now ,more than ever, Sauli wanted to be in America helping them out. He’d gotten close to the family while he was dating Adam, and they thought of him almost like a son. But on second thought, that might even hurt them more. He stayed in Finland, trying to keep himself busy with work.
This week he felt more on edge than ever, his hands shaking while trying to type something on the computer, and the Finnish paparazzi was still trying to get something, anything, out of him about Adam’s death. He’d almost pulled a Gabriel and punched someone. But he really didn’t want to end up jail, one time was enough.
Sauli got up and out of bed. Maybe some TV would help. Late night TV was always boring but it was better than nothing. In the living room he sat on the couch, flipping through the channels.
“Sauli,” A voice said. “I thought we told each other everything? You’ve been fucking Kris!”
“I...”
“You’ve been fucking Kris Allen!” Sauli watched as Adam leaned forward on the couch.His hands clasping together. They were painted black just like he remembered them when he was alive. “Why have you not told me about this?”
“I ah - I....” What was he suppose to say? He hadn’t really planned anything out if Adam had found out before. Well, he had planned to duck for cover, but that was really it. But this wasn’t all his fault, Kris was the other partner in this, why wasn’t he talking to Kris?
Adam’s face soften. “I don’t really care, Sauli. It’s over and done with. And if you two get together. If you two fucking make-up after the awful things you said to each other, I’ll be really happy for you.” He said, reaching out over the back of the couch and ghosting his fingers along the back of Sauli’s hand. “I just....I wanted to see you. I needed to see how you were doing.”
“Are you going to be around for a while?”
Adam smiled, “I’ll always be around, if you look hard enough.” He said, and sudden the figure was gone, leaving a cold breeze in the room.
He hated that feeling.
March 8th, 2016 Part Two
In the last year Katy has been getting out and back into the whole dating scene. It was a whole new world that was kind of scary to think about. So many different things to explore or getting back into things that she had done before she had been married. It took awhile to actually get back and going. She had been pretty sad about the divorce but at the same time, happy for Kris wanting to be himself. In order for that, it had to end and she had to accept it.
Her friends had dragged her out every now and again to clubs, getting her all dressed up to go out, makeup, dresses that they had said made her look hot enough; making any guy want to take her home and take advantage of her. The truth was, she didn’t want that. She wanted just what she had with Kris. Something that would last.
In time, she had found someone. It took her by surprise. One night she was at the local bar, minding her own business having a beer or two, when he came to sit next to her on the bar stool. She didn’t even realize at first but he smiled to her before he told the bartender that the next round was on him. It was common for him to be nice to her; treat her like she was someone to be protected. It made her feel...special.
At first things were subtle. He would compliment her on the little things. Then it was onto more obvious things: they would hang out, go to movies, act like total idiots by going to the bar and line dancing, and many other things.
Something so simple made her fall for him. But once she saw past everything, it made sense.
Daniel Allen was winning her heart over.
That was the battle she fought every day. Her head went crazy just about every day thinking about what she was doing. Did it make her a bad person? Dating her ex-husband’s brother was kind of weird. Saying it out loud was weirder. And that’s why she hadn’t said it out loud; why she hadn’t told anyone. Not only did she not want to jinx things, she didn’t want to see how everyone would react.
“So,” he let out a little chuckle on the other end of the phone. “What are you wearing?”
“What am I wearing?”
“Yeah...just for certain purposes.”
“Purposes.” She said, standing up from the table. Her phone went to her shoulder and leaned down so she her ear was on receiver. “What kind of purposes?”
“Because I just want to imagine how hot you look in whatever you’re wearing.”
She let out a little giggle, “I don’t think I look hot right now. I’ve been lazing around the house doing nothing all morning. I look like pond scum.”
“You could never look like pond scum.”
“Well,” she looked over to the fridge and opened it before pulling out the orange juice. She closed the door. “I’m -” she stopped mid-sentence. Her blue irises just staring at the door. It was common that she would put notes on the fridge. Sticky notes. There wasn’t a day that she didn’t look at the fridge, so she would put things that she needed to do on it. Just write it down and place it in a spot on the fridge. Then of course, she would look at it and remember she needed to do something. A reliable to do list. Today was no different. But as her eyes looked at the fridge one note stood out. She felt both the carton of orange juice and the phone drop to the floor. It was a blue sticky note, the others yellow.
It’s okay to love someone else.
What? That hadn’t been there the last time she had checked. Who enters a kitchen and not look at the fridge? It’s something that just stands out in a room. She blinked. But when she opened her eyes there was another. A pink one.
You’re beautiful. Embrace it.
She just stood there. What was going on? Things were just showing up on her fridge and she didn’t know how they got there. Somehow she found a pen in her head, moving to get a sticky note of her own. She leaned down on the counter, she began to shake, making her writing a little scratchy and messy. Doing all she could to just get it written. It was weird. Everything she was doing was crazy. Just plan out crazy.
I feel guilty to even think about it. But thanks for the advice. It’s something to think about.
She took a deep breath, moving down to the floor. This was the was oddest thing she’d done. It was just plain out stupid when she thought about it. She just wrote back to a sticky note that somehow appeared on her fridge.
Her hands went through her hair once before she looked back up. There, in bright green another sticky note. This time, at the bottom of the note there was something that made her eyes widen just a bit. There was a heart, a dash then a capital ‘A’.
At the bottom of every text message she would receive from the dark haired main, there was an ‘A’. Adam Lambert was sending her messages on sticky notes.
How much more insane could something get?
Author: xrazorbladesky and georgeegurl
Pairings/Character(s): Adam/Kris, Adam/Gabriel, Kris/Katy.
Warnings:Domestic violence, self-injury, character death(main character), suicide, Supernatural beings, major depression, alcoholism.(Highlight to read)
Rating: R
Words: 4,907
Summary: It's been two months since Adam passed away and someone unexpected makes an appearance.
Notes: We're really excited about this chapter, enjoy!
January 4th, 2013
Bring the new year in with a bang, everyone told him. He was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be taken so literally. It was supposed to mean spending the last few moments of the new year with the people - or person that means the most to you.
He did that.
He had his midnight kiss with Katy followed by a nice dessert. Then Katy went off to visit her family while Kris had work. He was pretty sure that it didn’t mean that he was supposed to mess around with another person. Especially after a nice night with his wife. That was a great way to bring in the new year. Just thinking about it made him feel kind of sick.
Eating breakfast while Katy made herself busy with getting orange juice for the two of them, was almost impossible. Her long blonde hair was thrown up in a messy bun and she still had her pajamas on; cartoon sleep pants and a simple tank top. She looked beautiful. Just as beautiful as the day he had met her.
He loved his wife. He did. They were best friends when they got married and he’d like to think that they were still. They told each other everything. Well, almost everything. Kris has been keeping things more to himself lately and that just made him feel guilty. Just keeping things from her made him feel guilty.
Guilt could eat you alive.
She came back and placed the glass on the table in front of him before sitting down in her chair. A smile Come to her lips as she picked up her fork, “I hope you like it. It’s your favorite. Sunny side up eggs with Bacon.”
Kris couldn’t help but just stare at her. He somehow found himself nodding. “I’m-I’m sure I will.”
She still smiled and for what seemed like the longest time, she was quiet. They both were. It made him kind of squirm just a tad as he watched her look down at her plate and eat what was on it.
“I need to tell you something,” he sighed. There was no way that he could do this any longer. He was going crazy.
She looked up at him,”Yes?”
“I...I...Something happened a few days ago.”
“Something?”
“Yes. Something happened...I - I kind of slept with someone else. It just happened and I knew it was happening. I let it happen.”
Her face was emotionless, unreadable. “Slept with someon - someone else?” There it was. Emotion. A crack in her voice.
“Yes.”
“W -” Her fork was dropped with a clank. “Wh-who?”
A deep breath. His heart was beating kind of quickly at what he had to say next - what he needed to say next. “I slept with - I uh - I slept with Sauli.”
“Sauli?” She asked, her mouth dropping open. “I don’t understand, Kris. Why would you do that? Are you not....feeling needed enough by me?”
This time it was Kris’ turn to have his mouth fall open. Did she not hear what he said. He slept with Sauli. A another man. Shouldn’t she be just a little focused on that? “I don’t - I....I’m so confused, Katy. I’m so sorry.”
Katy sat back in her chair, letting out a sigh. She still looked angry, but she also looked like she wanted to talk calmly about this. Good, Kris really didn’t want to yelled at. “What are you confused about, Kris?”
“I - I think I....” He looked down at the table, tracing little lines. Was he really about to tell his wife he was attracted to men? Kris really didn’t want to do this anymore. “I think I like men, too.”
Katy nodded. “I’ve had a feeling. Ever since the end of the Idol tour, you’ve been different. At first, I didn’t know what it was,” She paused for a few minutes. “Then we saw Adam at the AMAs, and I saw it in your eyes. You felt something for him. You still do feel something for him, and he loves you. I guess I was just waiting for you to say something.”
Kris didn’t deny it. There was no use when Katy knew him so well. The last thing on his mind right now was Adam. He was more worried about how this was going to end. Katy was going to divorce him for sure, and she had every right to. She needed someone that would treat her like a queen, and wasn’t going to step out on her.
March 7th, 2016 Part One
Alone.
Kris had never felt more alone in his life. It was like he was some kind of robot that only consisted of doing a total of three things. Eat, sleep, work. He felt like it. Felt like someone that was drained and worn out like an old pair of converses. There was nothing he wanted to do more than just crawl up in bed after a long day of work and just sleep.
He felt exhausted and the sad part was even if he went to lay down in bed, he wouldn’t sleep. Just closing his eyes and laying there wouldn’t work. So, he’d be up for most of the night only to fall asleep on the living room couch right before the sun was to come up. He honestly didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was all the tension in his shoulders, his neck and his whole freaking body. Or maybe it was because he was falling asleep on the couch. Couches can get you in the most weird positions. Though they might feel comfortable at the time, they usually made just about everything hurt when you wake up.
Kris sighed, looking down at the dog on the floor next to his feet.
Just you and me, Lux.
The dog looked back at him, lazily before resting its head back down. Probably ready for yet another nap. Dogs had it so easy when it came to sleeping. They always seemed tired. Always sleeping. He wished he was a dog. He would love to sleep all day only to get treats for being a ‘good boy’.
Kris looked back at the table in front of him. Pieces of papers were scattered all over the table. Frustration was all that he felt. He barely even got work down. Renting out stupid time to go in and take several takes on one song but never making it to the second song. Or even having problems with his vocals. His voice would crack when he tried to reach a note that he couldn’t get to. Then the band members, his friends, would make comments about him losing his touch and saying that maybe he needed a break. It seemed like he’d been taking one. He was basically doing nothing besides being a couch potato.
At his feet he felt Lux move to stand. Her body turning towards the sink and letting out a loud bark. Kris ducked his head downward at the table at the papers in front of him. Dogs. They barked at anything and everything.
Another bark filled the room, making Kris jump a little as he turned to look at Lux. “Girl, why don’t you go lay down. Please. I’m too tired. You were just let out earlier. Now, it’s time to lay down. “
The dog just stood there before she started to walk.
Kris looked back at the table. Might as well call it a night. Or at least try to call it a night. Standing, he leaned across the table to scoot the papers closer to him before gathering them into a neater stack. He placed them back down then turned.
Lux was still there. What was going on with her these days? There was no telling what. “Come on, girl. There’s a bed awaiting us.”
Nothing. Kris walked closer to the dog, she had moved to sit down, her paw moving up. A trick Kris had taught her. Shaking his hand. Kris’ eyes scanned the area. No spider was crawling up the way, no cat in sight, no leaky faucet. No - Kris’ eyes stopped. In the other side of the sink - where the dish strainer was there was one single glass.
A glass.
Kris walked over to the sink and looked at the strainer. He hadn’t had wine in months. Settled for beer. It tasted a lot better.
He picked up the glass slowly, holding it up to the light. There had been nothing in it. Was it possible he found it somewhere around the house earlier and just left it there in the strainer to put away later? No, he wasn’t that lazy. And didn’t he get rid of all his wine glasses two months ago?
....Two months ago.
The glass slipped from Kris’ hand, and Lux jumped from the floor with a yelp. Kris slowly took out his phone to check the date. The lack of sleep had caused him to not pay attention to what day it was.
He turned his phone on, staring at the bottom of the screen.
March 7th.
No, it wasn’t possible. There hadn’t been a wine glass in there. He was tired and seeing things. He needed sleep, badly.
Kris put his phone on the counter, “Lux, let’s go.”
She barked, and lead the way out of the kitchen. Was he finally losing his mind?
March 7th, 2016 Part Two
It took forever to get Brad out of the his apartment. Took him forever to convince him that he was okay and that it was okay to leave him alone so he didn’t feel like he was being watched when he was attempting to sleep. He hated that. If anything, the hospital made him feel paranoid. Tommy didn’t like it one bit. It felt like every two minutes someone came into the room while you were sleeping. Even when he had did his time in the psychiatric ward.
What was it with those people? They ruled people’s lives. Telling them they had to keep him for at least seventy two hours so they knew he wasn’t going to pose any threat to himself. What a bunch of bullshit. No part of him whatsoever regretted what he had done. And people couldn’t just accept that.
Ever since he had gotten out, all he’s been doing is getting annoyed by Brad and resting on the couch. And honestly, it was a relief to have seen Brad leave. He had a feeling, that it wouldn’t be the last time he’d see Brad. He would be back.
Tommy turned from the door to look at his apartment. It was spotless. His apartment was never this clean and he liked it that way. He used to know where everything was: his keys, his wallet, his bass. Now, everything seemed to be out of place. All thanks to Cassidy. He got every speck of dust off of the fans. Never had he pictured the man to be a clean freak. But he was. They both kind of were.
He tried not to think anymore about them. He just wanted to get to bed. It was late and his eyes were closing and no matter he tried to keep them open, they ultimately closed. Laying down would be nice. Moving into his bed, and just...sleeping.
His body felt heavy as he dragged himself into bed, and pulled the covers over himself. He didn’t get any sleep in the ward between the checks every fifteen minutes, and the roommate he had been stuck with constantly moaning in his sleep. Having heard how he came to be there, he did feel bad for the guy. The guy was twenty, dealing with post traumatic stress disorder and had watched his father murder his mother who was sleeping in bed next to him. All because he thought his mother was cheating on him with another man.
Tommy turned over trying not to think about it. He’d been out of the hospital for just over two weeks and still distant screams from the hallways haunted his dreams at night. He could hear someone down the hallway screaming for his father to stop beating him, and across the hall a girls voice talking to someone really loudly. He couldn’t hear the other person. That place was enough to drive anyone mad.
As he began to drift off, images of peaceful fields passed in front of his closed eyes just before he felt something touch his head. If he was getting spiders in the apartment again, he was going to light it on fire.
His hand rose to brush the side of his head. Nothing. It made him actually feel relieved. There was no way that he could deal with more spiders. They had almost took over his apartment. He was glad he had gotten rid of them. He didn’t know if he could deal with anymore. Sometimes it made him wonder if it was just him who saw them. They never seemed to come out with anyone else was there.
He shook his head before he brought his arm back under the blanket. That was the exact moment when it started up again. It felt like someone was running their hand through his hair. ignore, Tommy. Ignore. he thought to himself. That’s what he tried to do. Ignore it. But there was something about it. Something...familiar.
It felt like he was losing it. Feeling touches that seemed familiar or otherwise, was down right crazy. His eyes slowly opened and there on his bed, curled into his side was...was Adam.
No.
It couldn’t be Adam, he was dead. Dead. There was no way that he could be laying with him on the bed. Just no way. He blinked. Crazy. He was going crazy. But when he opened his eyes, the figure was still on the bed staring at him with those bright blue eyes he used to know so well. Reaching out a hand, his fingers passed through the figure. He jumped back, his arms shaking violently.
What the fuck just happened?
“Don’t be afraid,” Adam said calmly. “I just want to talk to you.”
Tommy stared with his mouth ajar. How was this fucking happening?
“I’m really here Tommy. No one is doing this to you.” And then Adam smirked. “You know, I always loved it when you left your mouth hanging open like that.”
Tommy snapped his mouth shut instantly. “I must be losing my fucking mind. No wonder they put me in the psych ward.”
“Oh yeah, that’s another thing. What the fuck were you thinking? You were going to off yourself? All because of what happened to me?” He said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Like he wasn’t a ghost and just his friend Adam. “I watched you stumble into your room - oh and remember when you told me you stopped drinking? Thanks for lying about that - and watched you down those pills. If Kris wouldn’t have found you in another fifteen minutes, you would have been gone.”
“I wish he wouldn’t have. He should have left me there, the fucker hates me anyways.”
“It’s not your time, Tommy.”
“Oh, but it was yours?!” He screamed. “Tell me how it was your time Adam! Make me understand why you were fucking taken from us! Why I woke up that morning and Isaac was at my door. He found out on the news.” Tommy huffed, rising onto his knees to yell, “How did it happen, anyways? The only other person in that house hasn’t said a fucking word about what happened!”
“Tommy -“
“Just fucking get out of here, Adam, or whatever...whoever you are. Go visit Kris. You know, the one you were in love with? He’s doing great, by the way, totally over you - it’s like nothing even happened!”
“Kris doesn’t need me right now, Tommy.”
“And I don’t need you!” Tommy screeched, pushing himself off the bed and grabbing the lamp off the nightstand. “I never needed you! I don’t fucking need anyone!” He threw the lamp at Adam, and it passed through his body, crashing against the wall. Tommy fell to the ground, head buried in his arm. “You aren’t real, you aren’t real!” He chanted to himself. So badly he wanted to sleep. It has done wonders to his mind not to sleep. Seeing things! Just seeing things. He was just seeing things.
All he wanted now more ever was to be dead
March 7th, 2016 Part Three
The only thing that Kris hated more than the phone ringing was the phone ringing at midnight. It pissed him off more than anything. Being woken by some stupid lunatic that didn’t have a life or even had insomnia. Who would call someone at midnight? He couldn’t understand it. Just when he had gotten asleep it figured that it would ring. Not even looking at who was calling, he placed it to his ear. His eyes fluttered back shut, giving a little sigh. Just what he wanted; to be talking to someone at midnight. “Hello?”
“I saw him. I saw him. He was laying right next to me...”
Kris was quiet. It was too early for this bullshit. All he wanted to do was listen to his body and just go back to sleep. Especially if he had to listen to Tommy’s drunken midnight chatter. The man needed to get his fucking act together. Since he could remember he had drank. Since he could remember, he was also an idiot “I’m going back to sleep. Maybe you should do that. Sleep off the booze.”
“You don’t believe me.”
“I think you’ve drank yourself into hallucinating. And it’s freaking early to be listening to any of it. Why didn’t you just call Brad or Cass? Or even Isaac. I’m sure they would be more than happy to talk to you. Me? I’m not too happy with the early moment sleep interruptions. They might be.”
“I’m not drunk,” Tommy said. “I haven’t drank in a few days.”
“A few days isn’t anything special...It’s really nothing special.”
“Will you just fucking listen to me?!”
“Why the heck did you call me?”
“Because if I call Brad then he’d just play things off like I was crazy. He’s the type of person that would go with everything, playing it up. Plus, I want nothing to do with Brad. He’s just annoying. He and his freaking boyfriend or whatever they are cleaned my apartment and now I don’t know where anything is. And then I went to bed. I closed my eyes. But then something touches me.”
“Touching you. So, you want everyone to believe that...?”
“Adam Lambert was in my fucking bed.”
“I really don’t want to know what’s going on in your bed. That’s something that should just stay between you and well,” he let out a small sarcastic chuckle. “Between you and Adam.”
“Ugh! Why do you have to be so fucking impossible? You’re impossible. Everytime I try to be civil to you it’s like you just turn around and are a complete jerk.”
“Are you going to cry about it? Do you want a bucket to put your tears in? Maybe you could water the plants with it?”
The other end of the line went silent for a few moments. “What did I ever do to you? It seems like everyone...everyone else doesn’t have a problem with me. But you. You just decided that you hate me and didn’t bother getting to know me.”
“I didn’t just decide to hate you. Everything that I feel towards you has reason. Everything. You’re a coward. You don’t care about anyone around you. You think more about yourself then how what you do affects people.”
Tommy sighed, “I know what I saw, Kris. He knows about everything that’s going on. About me...personal things about you. But he said you don’t need him right now. I just don’t want to be alone right now. I’m sorry for bothering you.”
The line went dead and Kris put his phone on the nightstand. Personal things about him? What could this Adam that Tommy supposedly saw know about him. He didn’t have many secrets to begin with. But he wasn’t going to worry about it. It was probably just another one of Tommy’s drunken calls. He’d got one before that was meant for Adam, it was mostly babble.
Tommy did sound sober, but over the years he’d gotten pretty good at tricking them.
March 8th, 2016 Part One
Sauli kicked the covers off himself and rolled over again. He was not having a good night. The day before he’d talked to Adam’s brother for a while. Lelia was still a mess and Eber was walking around the house as though nothing was wrong. Now ,more than ever, Sauli wanted to be in America helping them out. He’d gotten close to the family while he was dating Adam, and they thought of him almost like a son. But on second thought, that might even hurt them more. He stayed in Finland, trying to keep himself busy with work.
This week he felt more on edge than ever, his hands shaking while trying to type something on the computer, and the Finnish paparazzi was still trying to get something, anything, out of him about Adam’s death. He’d almost pulled a Gabriel and punched someone. But he really didn’t want to end up jail, one time was enough.
Sauli got up and out of bed. Maybe some TV would help. Late night TV was always boring but it was better than nothing. In the living room he sat on the couch, flipping through the channels.
“Sauli,” A voice said. “I thought we told each other everything? You’ve been fucking Kris!”
“I...”
“You’ve been fucking Kris Allen!” Sauli watched as Adam leaned forward on the couch.His hands clasping together. They were painted black just like he remembered them when he was alive. “Why have you not told me about this?”
“I ah - I....” What was he suppose to say? He hadn’t really planned anything out if Adam had found out before. Well, he had planned to duck for cover, but that was really it. But this wasn’t all his fault, Kris was the other partner in this, why wasn’t he talking to Kris?
Adam’s face soften. “I don’t really care, Sauli. It’s over and done with. And if you two get together. If you two fucking make-up after the awful things you said to each other, I’ll be really happy for you.” He said, reaching out over the back of the couch and ghosting his fingers along the back of Sauli’s hand. “I just....I wanted to see you. I needed to see how you were doing.”
“Are you going to be around for a while?”
Adam smiled, “I’ll always be around, if you look hard enough.” He said, and sudden the figure was gone, leaving a cold breeze in the room.
He hated that feeling.
March 8th, 2016 Part Two
In the last year Katy has been getting out and back into the whole dating scene. It was a whole new world that was kind of scary to think about. So many different things to explore or getting back into things that she had done before she had been married. It took awhile to actually get back and going. She had been pretty sad about the divorce but at the same time, happy for Kris wanting to be himself. In order for that, it had to end and she had to accept it.
Her friends had dragged her out every now and again to clubs, getting her all dressed up to go out, makeup, dresses that they had said made her look hot enough; making any guy want to take her home and take advantage of her. The truth was, she didn’t want that. She wanted just what she had with Kris. Something that would last.
In time, she had found someone. It took her by surprise. One night she was at the local bar, minding her own business having a beer or two, when he came to sit next to her on the bar stool. She didn’t even realize at first but he smiled to her before he told the bartender that the next round was on him. It was common for him to be nice to her; treat her like she was someone to be protected. It made her feel...special.
At first things were subtle. He would compliment her on the little things. Then it was onto more obvious things: they would hang out, go to movies, act like total idiots by going to the bar and line dancing, and many other things.
Something so simple made her fall for him. But once she saw past everything, it made sense.
Daniel Allen was winning her heart over.
That was the battle she fought every day. Her head went crazy just about every day thinking about what she was doing. Did it make her a bad person? Dating her ex-husband’s brother was kind of weird. Saying it out loud was weirder. And that’s why she hadn’t said it out loud; why she hadn’t told anyone. Not only did she not want to jinx things, she didn’t want to see how everyone would react.
“So,” he let out a little chuckle on the other end of the phone. “What are you wearing?”
“What am I wearing?”
“Yeah...just for certain purposes.”
“Purposes.” She said, standing up from the table. Her phone went to her shoulder and leaned down so she her ear was on receiver. “What kind of purposes?”
“Because I just want to imagine how hot you look in whatever you’re wearing.”
She let out a little giggle, “I don’t think I look hot right now. I’ve been lazing around the house doing nothing all morning. I look like pond scum.”
“You could never look like pond scum.”
“Well,” she looked over to the fridge and opened it before pulling out the orange juice. She closed the door. “I’m -” she stopped mid-sentence. Her blue irises just staring at the door. It was common that she would put notes on the fridge. Sticky notes. There wasn’t a day that she didn’t look at the fridge, so she would put things that she needed to do on it. Just write it down and place it in a spot on the fridge. Then of course, she would look at it and remember she needed to do something. A reliable to do list. Today was no different. But as her eyes looked at the fridge one note stood out. She felt both the carton of orange juice and the phone drop to the floor. It was a blue sticky note, the others yellow.
It’s okay to love someone else.
What? That hadn’t been there the last time she had checked. Who enters a kitchen and not look at the fridge? It’s something that just stands out in a room. She blinked. But when she opened her eyes there was another. A pink one.
You’re beautiful. Embrace it.
She just stood there. What was going on? Things were just showing up on her fridge and she didn’t know how they got there. Somehow she found a pen in her head, moving to get a sticky note of her own. She leaned down on the counter, she began to shake, making her writing a little scratchy and messy. Doing all she could to just get it written. It was weird. Everything she was doing was crazy. Just plan out crazy.
I feel guilty to even think about it. But thanks for the advice. It’s something to think about.
She took a deep breath, moving down to the floor. This was the was oddest thing she’d done. It was just plain out stupid when she thought about it. She just wrote back to a sticky note that somehow appeared on her fridge.
Her hands went through her hair once before she looked back up. There, in bright green another sticky note. This time, at the bottom of the note there was something that made her eyes widen just a bit. There was a heart, a dash then a capital ‘A’.
At the bottom of every text message she would receive from the dark haired main, there was an ‘A’. Adam Lambert was sending her messages on sticky notes.
How much more insane could something get?