The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies
Title: The Beatrix Potter Stargate Edition (aka Rabbitgate): The Tale of SG-1
Author: brainofgk
Rating: G
Summary: "It is said that the effect of eating too much lettuce is soporific."
Disclaimer: No claim to copyright. Beatrix Potter is in the public domain. Stargate is not.
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journal only. brainofgk
It is said that the effect of overexposure to unwashed goa'uld laundry is soporific.
I have never felt sleepy after hiding in a goa'uld laundry basket; but then, I am an Ascended being.
It certainly had a very soporific effect on SG-1 and SG-11.
When I ascended, Jack O'Neill was left with new people. The SGC became quite improvident and cheerful. I do not remember the separate names of the various new team members, but they were generally called SG-1.
I often came to Jack in dreams, wherein he always imagined he was visiting me at my Ancient library, where the sign on the door read:
Daniel Jackson and Mother Nature
Ascended Beings
Source of All Knowledge
GO AWAY!
Jack always wanted information about how to destroy the goa'uld. I usually had nothing that I could share with him. But when he was very insistent, I tried to help.
On this occasion, I suggested he visit the moon of Mr. Apophis' home world, where there was an outpost where I thought they would find some interesting Ancient artifacts.
They took the Daedelus to the outpost and entered through the rubbish heap.
The rubbish heap was a mixture. There were mountains of old goa'uld fashions of all kinds and years gone by; discarded, broken hand devices, and to their surprise, a puddle jumper, which apparently the goa'uld could not operate. There was forgotten out-of-style jewelry and an old boot or two. And this day - oh joy! - the Ancient artifacts I described! They were rings discarded by the goa'uld that when worn by a human with the ATA gene became defensive shields!
SG-1 and SG-11 simply stuffed the rings into their packs. By degrees, one after another, they were overcome with slumber, and lay down in the dirty goa'uld clothes piles.
Jack, who was not so much overcome as the rest of the team, crawled under a bench in the puddle jumper trying to get away from the smell of goa'uld BO.
The little SG teams slept delightfully in the warm piles of laundry. From the room outside, came the sound of a laundry cart approaching. And unexpectly, Bra'tac appeared, picking his way among the tacky outfits.
He thumped against the side of the puddle jumper and awakened Jack O'Neill.
Bra'tac apologized profusely, and said that he had seen Daniel Jackson in a dream.
While Jack and Bra'tac were talking under the jumper's bench, they heard the heavy tread of Jaffa boots in the next room and suddenly Mr. Apophis dumped last fall's styles right upon the top of the sleeping SG teams! Jack shrank down under the bench. Bra'tac hid under the console.
The little SG teams smiled sweetly in their sleep under the shower of stinky clothes; they did not awake because the smell of BO was so soporific.
They dreamt that General Hammond was tucking them up in a hay bed.
Mr. Apophis looked down after emptying his cart. He saw some funny little brown tips of ears sticking up through discarded clothes. He stared at them for some time.
Presently, a fly settled on one of them and it moved.
Mr. Apophis sent his Jaffa down onto the rubbish heap.
"One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six leetle Tauri!" said he as the Jaffa carried them out. The SG teams dreamt that General Hammond was turning them over in their sleep. They stirred a little in their sleep, but they still did not wake up.
Mr. Apophis put them in a laundry truck in the laundry closet and left the door locked. He went to get more of his old clothes to throw out.
While he was gone, Jonas Quinn (who had remained behind on the Daedalus) beamed down from the ship.
He looked suspiciously around the laundry facility and wondered where everybody was?
Then Bra'tac came out from under the console and Jack got out from under the bench and they told the doleful tale.
Jack and Jonas were despair. They could not unlock the door. But Bra'tac, who was a resourceful person, shot his staff weapon at the door locking system, and the door opened right up.
The little team members were pulled out and pinched awake. Jack and Jonas stuffed the laundry truck with six large pieces of scrap metal from another nearby junk heap.
Then they all hid in another closet across the hall and watched for Mr. Apophis.
Mr. Apophis came back and rolled the truck away.
He pushed it using his full force as if it were rather heavy.
The SG teams followed at a safe distance.
They watched him go into his palace. Then they crept to the window to listen.
Mr. Apophis crashed the cart into a stone wall in a way that would have been extremely painful to the SG teams if they happened to have been inside it.
They could hear him drag his chair on the flags, and chuckle - "One, two, three, four, five, six leetle Tauri!" said Mr. Apophis.
"Eh? What's that? What have they been spoiling now?" enquired Mrs. Amonet.
"One, two, three, four, five, six leetle Tauri!" repeated Mr. Apophis, counting on his fingers - "one, two, three" -
"Don't you be silly: what do you mean, you silly old man?"
"In the cart! One, two, three, four, five, six!" replied Mr. Apophis.
(Dr. Felger got up on the windowsill.)
Mrs. Amonet took hold of the cart handle and giggled it. She said she could feel six, but they must be old Tauri, because they were so hard and all different shapes.
"Not fit to use as hosts; but their uniforms will do fine as the new trend in goa'uld fashion!"
"A new trend in goa'uld fashion?!" shouted Mr. Apophis. "I shall sell them and buy myself baccy!"
"Rabbit tobacco! I shall take their uniforms and cut off their heads!"
Mrs. Amonet cracked the lid of the cart and put her hand inside. When she felt the scrap metal she became very very angry and said that Mr. Apophis had "done it a purpose."
And Mr. Apophis was very angry, too. One of the pieces of scrap metal came flying out the window and hit Dr. Felger.
He was rather hurt.
Then Jack and Jonas thought it was time to go home.
So Mr. Apophis did not get his tobacco and Mrs. Amonet did not get her Tauri uniforms.
But next Christmas, Bra'tac got a present of enough rabbit wool to make himself a cloak and a hood, and a handsome lining of his armor and a covering on the handle of his zat'ni'katel.
The End
Also read
The Tale of Peter Rabbit
and
The Tale of Benjamin Bunny
Author: brainofgk
Rating: G
Summary: "It is said that the effect of eating too much lettuce is soporific."
Disclaimer: No claim to copyright. Beatrix Potter is in the public domain. Stargate is not.
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journal only. brainofgk
It is said that the effect of overexposure to unwashed goa'uld laundry is soporific.
I have never felt sleepy after hiding in a goa'uld laundry basket; but then, I am an Ascended being.
It certainly had a very soporific effect on SG-1 and SG-11.
When I ascended, Jack O'Neill was left with new people. The SGC became quite improvident and cheerful. I do not remember the separate names of the various new team members, but they were generally called SG-1.
I often came to Jack in dreams, wherein he always imagined he was visiting me at my Ancient library, where the sign on the door read:
Daniel Jackson and Mother Nature
Ascended Beings
Source of All Knowledge
GO AWAY!
Jack always wanted information about how to destroy the goa'uld. I usually had nothing that I could share with him. But when he was very insistent, I tried to help.
On this occasion, I suggested he visit the moon of Mr. Apophis' home world, where there was an outpost where I thought they would find some interesting Ancient artifacts.
They took the Daedelus to the outpost and entered through the rubbish heap.
The rubbish heap was a mixture. There were mountains of old goa'uld fashions of all kinds and years gone by; discarded, broken hand devices, and to their surprise, a puddle jumper, which apparently the goa'uld could not operate. There was forgotten out-of-style jewelry and an old boot or two. And this day - oh joy! - the Ancient artifacts I described! They were rings discarded by the goa'uld that when worn by a human with the ATA gene became defensive shields!
SG-1 and SG-11 simply stuffed the rings into their packs. By degrees, one after another, they were overcome with slumber, and lay down in the dirty goa'uld clothes piles.
Jack, who was not so much overcome as the rest of the team, crawled under a bench in the puddle jumper trying to get away from the smell of goa'uld BO.
The little SG teams slept delightfully in the warm piles of laundry. From the room outside, came the sound of a laundry cart approaching. And unexpectly, Bra'tac appeared, picking his way among the tacky outfits.
He thumped against the side of the puddle jumper and awakened Jack O'Neill.
Bra'tac apologized profusely, and said that he had seen Daniel Jackson in a dream.
While Jack and Bra'tac were talking under the jumper's bench, they heard the heavy tread of Jaffa boots in the next room and suddenly Mr. Apophis dumped last fall's styles right upon the top of the sleeping SG teams! Jack shrank down under the bench. Bra'tac hid under the console.
The little SG teams smiled sweetly in their sleep under the shower of stinky clothes; they did not awake because the smell of BO was so soporific.
They dreamt that General Hammond was tucking them up in a hay bed.
Mr. Apophis looked down after emptying his cart. He saw some funny little brown tips of ears sticking up through discarded clothes. He stared at them for some time.
Presently, a fly settled on one of them and it moved.
Mr. Apophis sent his Jaffa down onto the rubbish heap.
"One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six leetle Tauri!" said he as the Jaffa carried them out. The SG teams dreamt that General Hammond was turning them over in their sleep. They stirred a little in their sleep, but they still did not wake up.
Mr. Apophis put them in a laundry truck in the laundry closet and left the door locked. He went to get more of his old clothes to throw out.
While he was gone, Jonas Quinn (who had remained behind on the Daedalus) beamed down from the ship.
He looked suspiciously around the laundry facility and wondered where everybody was?
Then Bra'tac came out from under the console and Jack got out from under the bench and they told the doleful tale.
Jack and Jonas were despair. They could not unlock the door. But Bra'tac, who was a resourceful person, shot his staff weapon at the door locking system, and the door opened right up.
The little team members were pulled out and pinched awake. Jack and Jonas stuffed the laundry truck with six large pieces of scrap metal from another nearby junk heap.
Then they all hid in another closet across the hall and watched for Mr. Apophis.
Mr. Apophis came back and rolled the truck away.
He pushed it using his full force as if it were rather heavy.
The SG teams followed at a safe distance.
They watched him go into his palace. Then they crept to the window to listen.
Mr. Apophis crashed the cart into a stone wall in a way that would have been extremely painful to the SG teams if they happened to have been inside it.
They could hear him drag his chair on the flags, and chuckle - "One, two, three, four, five, six leetle Tauri!" said Mr. Apophis.
"Eh? What's that? What have they been spoiling now?" enquired Mrs. Amonet.
"One, two, three, four, five, six leetle Tauri!" repeated Mr. Apophis, counting on his fingers - "one, two, three" -
"Don't you be silly: what do you mean, you silly old man?"
"In the cart! One, two, three, four, five, six!" replied Mr. Apophis.
(Dr. Felger got up on the windowsill.)
Mrs. Amonet took hold of the cart handle and giggled it. She said she could feel six, but they must be old Tauri, because they were so hard and all different shapes.
"Not fit to use as hosts; but their uniforms will do fine as the new trend in goa'uld fashion!"
"A new trend in goa'uld fashion?!" shouted Mr. Apophis. "I shall sell them and buy myself baccy!"
"Rabbit tobacco! I shall take their uniforms and cut off their heads!"
Mrs. Amonet cracked the lid of the cart and put her hand inside. When she felt the scrap metal she became very very angry and said that Mr. Apophis had "done it a purpose."
And Mr. Apophis was very angry, too. One of the pieces of scrap metal came flying out the window and hit Dr. Felger.
He was rather hurt.
Then Jack and Jonas thought it was time to go home.
So Mr. Apophis did not get his tobacco and Mrs. Amonet did not get her Tauri uniforms.
But next Christmas, Bra'tac got a present of enough rabbit wool to make himself a cloak and a hood, and a handsome lining of his armor and a covering on the handle of his zat'ni'katel.
The End
Also read
The Tale of Peter Rabbit
and
The Tale of Benjamin Bunny