100 Things That Booster & Beetle Aren't Allowed To Do
1 - Not allowed to have phone sex while one/both are supposed to be on monitor duty
2 - Not allowed to try and hack into Batman’s systems
3 - Not allowed to bribe Oracle to hack into Batman’s systems
4 - Not allowed to talk to Robin
5 - Not allowed to email Robin
6 - Not allowed to communicate with Robin at all
6a - This includes asking Nightwing and/or Oracle to forward communications
7 - Not allowed to play the “Boostle” CD given to them by admirers over the intercom
8 - Not allowed to touch the intercom system
9 - Not allowed to get Robin to play the “Boostle” CD over the intercom (see #6)
10 - Booster was not “helping Beetle hold up the bookshelf” and shouldn’t say that he was
11 - Beetle does not need to give Booster mouth-to-mouth when Booster has already stopped choking and shouldn’t say that he does
12 - Not allowed to buy Fire video tapes
13 - Not allowed to sell said video tapes to admirers
14 - Not allowed to use underwear to decorate the lounge area
15 - Not allowed to communicate with Robin (see #6)
16 - Not allowed to stash home-made videos with the rest of the tapes
16a - Not even if Fire told them to do so
17 - Not allowed to use apple juice for anything other than its intended purpose
18 - Not allowed to sing karaoke over the intercom (see #8)
19 - Not allowed to get locked in closets
20 - Not allowed to “taste-test” anyone else on the team
20a - Even if they were right about that one impostor
21 - Not allowed to put itching powder in anyone’s uniforms
22 - Not allowed to email the Evil Overlord List to supervillains
23 - Batman does not think that it’s funny
24 - Not allowed to “count Booster’s freckles” when supposed to be on monitor duty
25 - Not allowed to actually count Booster’s freckles when supposed to be on monitor duty
26 - Not allowed to “shine Booster’s ass” while on a mission
27 - Not allowed to autograph photographs taken of the above event
28 - No one wants to know how many Fruit-By-The-Foot’s it takes to completely mummify Beetle
29 - Not allowed to admit to crimes committed before they were born
29a - Even if they have access to a time machine
29b - Not allowed to use time machine to commit crimes before they were born
30 - Batman would not “make a pretty girl”
30a - Neither would Superman
30b - Not allowed to request that J’onn use his shape-shifting powers to disprove #30 and #30a (Edit: Now with picture by girloz14!)
31 - Not allowed to write “JAILBAIT” on Robin’s uniform
32 - Not allowed to quote movies while on missions
33 - The rubber sheep is not Superman’s sidekick
34 - Not allowed anywhere near J’onn’s cookies
35 - Beetle’s underwear may be “festive” but it is not to be worn outside his uniform
35a - Or on Booster’s head
36 - A live chicken is not a hat
37 - Booster is not allowed to wear Those Pants
38 - Neither Booster nor Beetle is a Magical Girl
39 - Not allowed to ambush teammates with perfume “like the ladies at the department store”
40 - Not allowed to start rumors about Superman and Batman
41 - Not allowed to encourage Robin to start rumors about Superman and Batman (see #6)
42 - The number forty-two is not always the correct answer
43 - Not allowed to (badly) “dub” fights
44 - Neither Booster nor Beetle is a cowboy
44a - You don’t want to know
45 - Not allowed to “test something that we read on the internet”
46 - Clothing is not against Booster’s religion
46a - Clothing is not against Beetle’s religion
47 - Waterguns are not allowed at team meetings
48 - There is no prophecy
49 - Not allowed to forward spam emails to the rest of the team
50 - Not allowed to have glitter
51 - Not allowed to test Ralph for “Houdini skills”
52 - Batman does not think it’s funny (see #23)
53 - Superman doesn’t think it’s funny
54 - J’onn does not think it’s funny
55 - Wally might think it’s funny, but he’s not allowed to say so
56 - Five-year-old children are not to be consulted on the sensibility of Batman’s plans
57 - Not allowed to introduce themselves to Booster’s multi-times great-grandparents
57a - Not allowed to try and find Booster’s multi-times great-grandparents
58 - Any ideas that cause maniacal laughter are not to be implemented
59 - Not allowed to mention to female fans that they are considering getting married and may need someone to be an egg-donor
60 - Not allowed to use the contact information gathered in the above to set up blind dates for anyone on the team
61 - Not allowed to grow a goatee
62 - Beetle is not an evil empress
63 - Not allowed to build a doomsday device
64 - Fuzzy handcuffs are not an appropriate tool to bring on a mission (Edit: Now with fic by dimitri_aiden!)
65 - Booster does not need to be protected from the “evil aliens who want to use him for breeding purposes”
66 - Put the straightjacket back where you found it (Edit: Now with picture by keeble!)
67 - Batman’s face does not make small children cry
67a - It is inappropriate to offer small children bribes to burst into tears at the sight of Batman
67b - It is also inappropriate to encourage Robin to offer small children bribes to burst into tears at the sight of Batman (see #6, dammit!)
68 - Superpowers are not an STD
69 - Stop snickering
70 - And order to “destroy all copies of that” does not mean “destroy the first set of copies of that after you’ve made more”
71 - Not allowed to sculpt things out of spam
72 - Booster is not an evil high priestess
73 - Beetle is not carrying Booster’s child, or vice versa
74 - “Opening a can of worms” does not need to be illustrated
75 - It is not necessary to visit a strip club
76 - You should have gone to the bathroom before we left
77 - Neither Booster nor Beetle needs a theme song
78 - Booster is not allowed to utter the phrase “Well, you see, in the future…” to excuse his behavior
78a - It’s just silly when Beetle uses said phrase as an excuse
79 - Missions do not include musical numbers
80 - Not allowed to hit on supervillains, even if it is an effective distraction tactic
80a - Not allowed to hit on Batman. Ever.
81 - Marshmallow fluff is not taking over the world
82 - Booster does not have “animal magnetism”
82a - Therefore, it is inappropriate for Beetle to claim that he cannot not be wrapped around Booster
83 - Wonder Woman does not think it’s funny. She’s only smiling because she is imagining your deaths
84 - Beetle is Not Allowed to have caffeinated beverages
84a - Booster will not sneak caffeinated beverages to Beetle
85 - The Dark Side does not have cookies
85a - Neither does Darkseid (added by levidice)
86 - Not allowed to refer to Batman as an “impudent strumpet”
86a - Even if it made Superman snort water out of his nose
87 - The Bug is not powered by hamsters
88 - Booster was not “hired for his looks”
89 - Not allowed to write names on the wall next to the “Wet Paint” sign
90 - Not allowed to moon people from the Bug
91 - Do not counter Batman’s plans with nudity
91a - Do not counter J’onn’s plans with nudity
91b - Not allowed to counter anyone’s plans with nudity
91c - Except maybe supervillains
92 - “First one to die loses!” should never be uttered during a mission
93 - Not allowed to taunt the fundamentalists
93a - Even if they deserve it
94 - Not allowed to be a bad influence on the rest of the team
95 - Not allowed to recite “The Ode To Team Blue And Gold” ever again
96 - No one wants to know why Booster and Beetle didn’t get enough sleep the previous night
97 - Not allowed to hide snack foods in unusual places and then forget about them
98 - Mouse traps are Not Toys
99 - Not allowed to hide anything that could even remotely be described as “wriggly” in Max’s desk drawers
100 - Not. Allowed. To. Contact. Robin.
*looks at clock*
Man, I'm going to regret this tomorrow in class...