It was an unseasonably warm night in early January the first time Suicide Pussy and I crossed paths. It had been a long night at Denim Hell and I was very nearly home when a block from my house a grey tabby cat jumped out in front of my jeep and darted across the road in front of me.

“Stupid damn cat,” I said to myself through a yawn, already ( Read more... )

I blame today’s post on cincycub. Last night he sent me messages of guilt and shame stating that his Friday would be ruined if I didn’t finish this story by morning. I totally blame him for coercing me into not only writing this incredibly long post but also publishing it for public consumption and now you should blame him too ( Read more... )

Last Thursday, one week after the departure of Joe and Jeff to the big city of Chicago, it dawned on me that I had not eaten at a restaurant for one solid week. No fast food. No sit down diners. No deli’s or specialty shops. Not once in over seven days had someone brought food to where I was anxiously sitting, napkin in hand, and then expected a ( Read more... )

As promised last week, the story of my walk through the world of spray-on tanning...

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

( LJ cut in place because it's so long it took me two days to write this... )

A few weeks ago I added another client to my growing list of on-call surrogate husbandry duties. Since I fit the bill of the perpetually single guy amidst an ever expanding social circle of happy, monogamous couples, it falls to me to play the role of stand-in spouse when folks go out of town on business or are likewise unavailable for public ( Read more... )

The story you may or may not be about to read is true. It happened back in November of last year and I've been meaning to sit down and write it out for posterity but just never found the time or the energy. Evil Friend Jack was tasked with forcing me to write it out and I think eventually even he gave up on ever seeing it in print. This first draft ( Read more... )

Just like clockwork, it arrives whether you’re ready or not. You realize it’s just a fact of life and that all your friends endure it just like you do, but that doesn’t stop your irritation from growing. Loud screaming children seem extra shrill and things like traffic jams and long lines become unbearable to you. In the middle of it, you find ( Read more... )

I’m currently undecided on whether I should do a serious post about my doctor’s visit yesterday or a humorous one. It is Friday so humorous might be more appropriate in light of the upcoming weekend but I haven’t done a serious one in a while and they tend to be shorter and quicker. Hmmmm….

Decisions.Yesterday was my first visit to my very own ( Read more... )

As people move through their lives and interact with the world around them, they inadvertently become associated with certain items and feelings, songs and remembrances, and in some cases, covered dishes. When my posse of clan mates describe our friend Phil, for instance, we usually mention that he has amazing calves. When we mention Evil Friend ( Read more... )

My evil friend Jack from the Big Bear Flophouse down the street is currently reaping the consequences of introducing me to sushi. (Jack is evil because he's a Vegan and as a longtime Atkins follower myself, he's the cobra to my mongoose.) At some point during the holidays last year he finally got me to break down and try sushi. Having been raised ( Read more... )