How does that work?

[bondgirlboots]

I'm feeling the need to just hash a few things out verbally. Think through stuff, see it down somewhere for me to reflect on, that sort of thing. So it's probably going to make little sense and be rather ranty.

Comments

[technocolordoll]

I think that's the price to be paid when you move to another country at a "critical" age. Moving around a lot really takes it's toll on your ability to MAINTAIN friendships, though it can actually help your ability to MAKE them.

I moved to the USA when I was ten years old. Of course, ten years of living in Argentina, I was part of an "in" crowd like this. So close,e ven our mothers and fathers were best friends among themselves. Moving away made it all crash down.

Sometimes (actually, quite often), I'm jealous of the natural-born citizens who lived in the same house all their lives, and have know their friends since elementary school.

I think that's why this country puts so much pressure on not staying in your town for college, to FORCE people to make that transition. I've heard from many of my former classmates that they've broken up their little groups a bit, and befriended people from outside after being in college.

[dark_skada]

For us, it's not just one place, then another. It's almost a constant upheaval. Me more than Jim. But all missionary kids are from one country (the US), live in another country (where their parents do missions whatzit), yet AT LEAST every two or four years end up back "in country" (the US) for some excuse or another. And that's if they're lucky enough to not go to boarding school, which can often land them in another country. I'm way different than that usual model but Jim, for example, born in Texas, lived with parents in Davao but went to school in Manila. The way the Philippines is set up, not only are they different islands and you have to fly between them, but they're very different in culture and even climate. Others of these friends weren't even in Davao with Jim, but other (sometimes remote) places. I realize for a lot of these kids, each other were the only thing they had...

[chih]

Hey, I've been in situations like that before--feeling left out of all the inside jokes & nostalgia. I think you're internalizing it too much as your fault when really, it's just a rude thing for people to do to you. I mean I understand old friends wanting to reminisce and strengthen old bonds with old jokes etc etc, but if there are people outside of the circle aka you, they can't do it all the time. I hope you don't mind if I offer some possible tips

[dark_skada]

Trust me, if I could send Jim on his own, I would. But sadly I'm the shiny new wife, there's still people who feel entitled to meet me even if they don't include me

[chih]

Well in that case, they're just being inconsiderate and there's only so much you can do. You may be introverted but that's not how you as a guest should be treated. And yeah, I can understand "they haven't seen each other in years" but it still doesn't justify doing it the majority of the time you're there. He could've shown off his shiny new wife for lunch and then you could've done something else afterwards. ♥

[dark_skada]

:) Thanks for your support. Hopefully now that I have my thoughts in order and my feelings in words, I can better communicate things next time...

[lostlain]

I emerge from a huddle of blankets and heater thingy to bring you some germs and words of support. Huzzah!

I'm very sorry that it is like that, I kind of know how it is. I actually try and avoid when the guys are meeting with people-from-the-past because it becomes very uncomfortable to me. Plus, I don't like to be "the girlfriend". Meaning, the person that's only connected to the group at all because she's someone's girlfriend and thus has no insight on the good old times and things like that.

On new year's, I'd say I was a friend of 1/3, acquaintance of another third and a complete stranger to the final third. It ended up... more or less well. I thought I became friends with one of the strangers but "facebook adding everyone else but me" has taught me otherwise.

My point -lost between the ranting- is! That the situation sucks. That I unfortunately have yet to find out the magical solution, but be sure that I will share it once I figure out how to fit in and things. And, finally, that I'd love to take you out for coffee.. *sigh**

[herroyaldemones]

There is nothing worse than feeling like the third/fifth/fifteenth wheel. And I've totally been there. Mostly in high school...I wasn't part of the same group that a lot of my friends were, and they would talk about "good old times in marching band" all the freaking time. Um, hello? I don't get all you jokes, include me please, kthx? Fortunately, my friend Kat was pretty could about changing the topic and trying to include everyone.

I agree with Chih, though, just because "they haven't seen each other in years" isn't an excuse to exclude you. And you did try to enter into the conversation, so it's not like you didn't try. And it's not your fault that they didn't try and include you! I went out with my roommate to meet some of her friends from high school, and they didn't JUST talk about old times...we all managed to talk to each other, you know asking the simple stuff about what everybody's major was and basic get-to-know-you things, but still, nobody felt left out. It was really nice. And that's what people should do when

[redstars]

I can't exactly relate to this, but I definitely know how you feel.

When I was going through highschool, most of my friends got into partying/going out etc and I was never really one for that... I'm horribly shy. So we kind of drifted apart, and I ended up hanging out with my sister and her friends.

Now they're my friends, but I'm older then them and done school, while they're in their last year. And most of the time, I have no idea what they talk about, since a lot of it has to do with school/people they know there/stuff that happened in class, and I end up feeling left out. >:

In all honesty though, it isn't really your fault. I know how it feels, so I go out of my way to try and include everyone when I'm with a group of people. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks like that. I hope you manage to sort things out though, since you shouldn't have to feel like that - especially if they're people that aren't going to just casually drift away.