How does that work?

[bondgirlboots]

I'm feeling the need to just hash a few things out verbally. Think through stuff, see it down somewhere for me to reflect on, that sort of thing. So it's probably going to make little sense and be rather ranty.

Comments

[chih]

Hey, I've been in situations like that before--feeling left out of all the inside jokes & nostalgia. I think you're internalizing it too much as your fault when really, it's just a rude thing for people to do to you. I mean I understand old friends wanting to reminisce and strengthen old bonds with old jokes etc etc, but if there are people outside of the circle aka you, they can't do it all the time. I hope you don't mind if I offer some possible tips?

As a sort of gentle reminder that you're there, sometimes breaking into the convo and saying something like, "...and remember *insert made-up name*? remember when he... *make up random event*" or something more direct, "Okay, enough talk about..." and maybe ask like if they've seen a movie you've seen recently. Not everyone does that; when my old friends and I get caught up in nostalgia, we do take a break and say to the new person, "sorry about all the high school talk" and broaden out the topic. Or the best way to avoid the situation is to let Jim know ahead of time that you tend to feel left out so he can be more aware of trying to include you or just say let him do his catching up without you, saying "go have your boys night out."

[dark_skada]

Trust me, if I could send Jim on his own, I would. But sadly I'm the shiny new wife, there's still people who feel entitled to meet me even if they don't include me.

And I did bring it up to Jim and was basically told to shut it because "they haven't seen each other in years". And I don't want to ruin this time for him...

Also, in my attempts to interact, I did attempt to change the subject. I got REALLY negative feedback. Like, I did exactly the bringing up movies thing. I LOVE action movies, so sadly, they're about all I get around to watching and I realize that means I have a certain limit on what I myself am able to talk about. But I tried. Brought up the new Fast & Furious movie which Ed and Sam both began to bash without mercy. Despite me mentioning that, oh, I couldn't wait till Jim takes me this coming weekend. Tried to make a save and turned the tables to Duplicity, which SOMEHOW brought on personal joke aaaaaaaand I got left in the dust again. I mean, really, I swear I tried. Part of why it was so frustrating.

I guess the reason I turned to LJ is that I'm feeling SO boxed in right now, that I just had to talk somewhere, anywhere, so I could see that it isn't just me. And I see that... I see my own attempts. I don't have a solution yet. But maybe, just maybe, I didn't fail as hard as I thought I did?

[chih]

Well in that case, they're just being inconsiderate and there's only so much you can do. You may be introverted but that's not how you as a guest should be treated. And yeah, I can understand "they haven't seen each other in years" but it still doesn't justify doing it the majority of the time you're there. He could've shown off his shiny new wife for lunch and then you could've done something else afterwards. ♥

[dark_skada]

:) Thanks for your support. Hopefully now that I have my thoughts in order and my feelings in words, I can better communicate things next time...