One Hundred
I was digging around in archived folders on this computer that have since been reformatted over at least twice now. One of the files I found had a timestamp dating way back to September 21, 2003. It was a list of 100 things to do before I died. I had completely forgotten about it. But while it did shoot some nostalgia at me looking at the aspirations of my high school self, there was only one problem: it wasn't complete. I had apparently run out of things to think of and let it slip after #49. So for the last month, I scoured my brain to complete the nearly 4 year old list. A select few on the list have indeed already been accomplished, and will thus be noted. But a very large percentage is undone as of today. Obviously, some are funny and only exist to incite humor with no intention of being done. But a lot of it is legit. Anyway, here we go.
100 Things to Do Before I Die
1 - Own 500 CDs.
2 - Make a scene in a retail store, whether falsely staged or real.
3 - Act out certain Monty Python sketches in mime.
4 - Break a guitar on stage a la Pete Townshend
5 - Memorize the words to "B.O.B." [Check]
6 - Randomly run somewhere, anywhere, for any length of time.
7 - Keep my car running for 150,000 miles.
8 - Learn the bass line to "Higher Ground"
9 - Lead a protest in front of McDonalds, and when the workers wonder why, I'll say "Not because I care about animals, but your food fucking SUCKS!"
10 - Eat every kind Subway sandwich.
11 - Pantomime being on a horse in a crowded area while someone follows behind banging coconuts (Yes, Holy Grail) [Check]
12 - Fill a pool--be it backyard, community, or kiddie pool--with Jello.
13 - Be interviewed on the radio for having done absolutely nothing significant.
14 - Make out with a lesbian.
15 - Catch a homerun or foul ball at Yankee Stadium.
16 - Participate in the Running of the Bulls.
17 - See Local H in concert.
18 - See Nonpoint in concert. [Check]
19 - See Stone Temple Pilots in concert. [Impossible now that they're defunct]
20 - Write a song entitled "Put That Freaking Sandwich Down"
21 - Film a fight scene.
22 - Outdrive whoever I'm playing golf with using my sand wedge or pitching wedge on a tee shot. [Check]
23 - Create or be involved in an elaborate prank.
24 - Play strip poker (with majority players female).
25 - Blow something up.
26 - Break my record for consecutive hours awake: 72.
27 - Subsequently sleep for 24 hours.
28 - Road trip to the Pacific.
29 - Spend the night in a graveyard, with someone of course.
30 - Serenade a girlfriend with song "Love Rollercoaster" (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
31 - Attend an opera.
32 - Attend the World Series.
33 - Be credited in any given production, be it television show, movie, video game, or otherwise.
34 - Have a sandwich named after me.
35 - Be on a gameshow.
36 - Be involved with a bar fight.
37 - Own a monkey.
38 - Visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
39 - Run up the stairs of the Capitol Building in Philadelphia, just like Rocky.
40 - Customize an Ibanez bass.
41 - Be published.
42 - Make up a word and fully convince people it's an actual word. [Super bonus points if it ends up in the Slang Dictionary]
43 - Get jiggy with it.
44 - Bowl better than 200.
45 - Find out if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about.
46 - Tell Ben Affleck to fuck off.
47 - Fry an egg on the sidewalk.
48 - Learn how to say "I like rice" in 10 different languages.
49 - Record a CD. [Check]
50 - Experience deja vu.
51 - Beat up a mime.
52 - Name my first son Douchebag.
53 - Experience deja vu.... wait a minute.
54 - Touch the equator.
55 - Walk into a steakhouse and yell "Mad cow disease!"
56 - Invade Poland.
57 - Contact Jimi Hendrix from beyond the grave.
58 - Visit every major league baseball park.
59 - Go back to Seattle now that I fully acknowledge the awesomeness of grunge.
60 - Jump out of an airplane, preferably with a parachute.
61 - Have my cake, and eat it too.
62 - Make out in the back of a cop car.
63 - Take guitar lessons with Tom Morello (ok, so I'll settle for just meeting the guy)
64 - Be a guest on a late night talk show (preferably for having done something completely unconventional, random and/or asinine [Bonus points if it's on Conan O'Brien])
65 - Attend a NASCAR event (solely for the experience of culture shock)
66 - Pwn a Jehovah's witness. [Check]
67 - Perform a rain dance.
68 - Race in a backroad rally.
69 - Play pranks on a hooker.
70 - Attend a PETA meeting while eating a cheeseburger.
71 - DRUM SOLO!
72 - Go to the beach during a hurricane. (Heavy rainstorm will suffice as well)
73 - Learn how to surf.
74 - Shoot a good game of golf.
75 - Give up and shoot a good game of mini-golf.
76 - Uppercut a punk ass.
77 - Find a way to fuck up Easy Mac and subsequently sue the pants off of Kraft.
78 - Flip off Quentin Tarantino.
79 - Attend the X Games (preferably summer, but winter would be righteous as well)
80 - Send a letter to Gwen Stefani stating reasons why, in fact, she is a "hollaback girl".
81 - Two words: Les. Paul.
82 - Visit the Mountain Dew bottling plant.
83 - Ask Bill Gates if I can borrow 50 bucks.
84 - Submit the script "Clerks 3: Retail Whores" to Kevin Smith.
85 - Host a bon fire party where we burn shit we don't like... DVDs, CDs, magazines, etc.
86 - Be a guest on Dr. Phil (preferably through false means, but hey, if I got real problems, bonus points).
87 - Go fishing using gummi worms.
88 - Get into a heated debated about the pros and cons of debating.
89 - Find a Hootie and the Blowfish tribute band.
90 - If one doesn't exist, form a Hootie and the Blowfish tribute band!
91 - Escape from Alcatraz.
92 - Convince Amy Winehouse to go to rehab (she say no, no no!)
93 - Finish the novel I began in 2002. Seriously, what the hell is taking so long, Me?
94 - Become an internet celebrity, most likely due to my upcoming popular YouTube videos depicting crappy movies with X-Men action figures and Bratz dolls.
95 - Be apart of a police report for a high profile crime (Bonus points if selected as part of the jury).
96 - Obtain a score of 100-0 in a Yankees/Red Sox matchup on All Star Baseball 2000.
97 - Perform at an open-mic night, whether it be musical or comedic.
98 - Start an online petition to get Legend of the Hidden Temple back on the air.
99 - Succeed where Pinky and the Brain have failed: TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
100 - Make a list of 100 Things to do before I die. [Check!]
100 Things to Do Before I Die
1 - Own 500 CDs.
2 - Make a scene in a retail store, whether falsely staged or real.
3 - Act out certain Monty Python sketches in mime.
4 - Break a guitar on stage a la Pete Townshend
5 - Memorize the words to "B.O.B." [Check]
6 - Randomly run somewhere, anywhere, for any length of time.
7 - Keep my car running for 150,000 miles.
8 - Learn the bass line to "Higher Ground"
9 - Lead a protest in front of McDonalds, and when the workers wonder why, I'll say "Not because I care about animals, but your food fucking SUCKS!"
10 - Eat every kind Subway sandwich.
11 - Pantomime being on a horse in a crowded area while someone follows behind banging coconuts (Yes, Holy Grail) [Check]
12 - Fill a pool--be it backyard, community, or kiddie pool--with Jello.
13 - Be interviewed on the radio for having done absolutely nothing significant.
14 - Make out with a lesbian.
15 - Catch a homerun or foul ball at Yankee Stadium.
16 - Participate in the Running of the Bulls.
17 - See Local H in concert.
18 - See Nonpoint in concert. [Check]
19 - See Stone Temple Pilots in concert. [Impossible now that they're defunct]
20 - Write a song entitled "Put That Freaking Sandwich Down"
21 - Film a fight scene.
22 - Outdrive whoever I'm playing golf with using my sand wedge or pitching wedge on a tee shot. [Check]
23 - Create or be involved in an elaborate prank.
24 - Play strip poker (with majority players female).
25 - Blow something up.
26 - Break my record for consecutive hours awake: 72.
27 - Subsequently sleep for 24 hours.
28 - Road trip to the Pacific.
29 - Spend the night in a graveyard, with someone of course.
30 - Serenade a girlfriend with song "Love Rollercoaster" (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
31 - Attend an opera.
32 - Attend the World Series.
33 - Be credited in any given production, be it television show, movie, video game, or otherwise.
34 - Have a sandwich named after me.
35 - Be on a gameshow.
36 - Be involved with a bar fight.
37 - Own a monkey.
38 - Visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
39 - Run up the stairs of the Capitol Building in Philadelphia, just like Rocky.
40 - Customize an Ibanez bass.
41 - Be published.
42 - Make up a word and fully convince people it's an actual word. [Super bonus points if it ends up in the Slang Dictionary]
43 - Get jiggy with it.
44 - Bowl better than 200.
45 - Find out if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about.
46 - Tell Ben Affleck to fuck off.
47 - Fry an egg on the sidewalk.
48 - Learn how to say "I like rice" in 10 different languages.
49 - Record a CD. [Check]
50 - Experience deja vu.
51 - Beat up a mime.
52 - Name my first son Douchebag.
53 - Experience deja vu.... wait a minute.
54 - Touch the equator.
55 - Walk into a steakhouse and yell "Mad cow disease!"
56 - Invade Poland.
57 - Contact Jimi Hendrix from beyond the grave.
58 - Visit every major league baseball park.
59 - Go back to Seattle now that I fully acknowledge the awesomeness of grunge.
60 - Jump out of an airplane, preferably with a parachute.
61 - Have my cake, and eat it too.
62 - Make out in the back of a cop car.
63 - Take guitar lessons with Tom Morello (ok, so I'll settle for just meeting the guy)
64 - Be a guest on a late night talk show (preferably for having done something completely unconventional, random and/or asinine [Bonus points if it's on Conan O'Brien])
65 - Attend a NASCAR event (solely for the experience of culture shock)
66 - Pwn a Jehovah's witness. [Check]
67 - Perform a rain dance.
68 - Race in a backroad rally.
69 - Play pranks on a hooker.
70 - Attend a PETA meeting while eating a cheeseburger.
71 - DRUM SOLO!
72 - Go to the beach during a hurricane. (Heavy rainstorm will suffice as well)
73 - Learn how to surf.
74 - Shoot a good game of golf.
75 - Give up and shoot a good game of mini-golf.
76 - Uppercut a punk ass.
77 - Find a way to fuck up Easy Mac and subsequently sue the pants off of Kraft.
78 - Flip off Quentin Tarantino.
79 - Attend the X Games (preferably summer, but winter would be righteous as well)
80 - Send a letter to Gwen Stefani stating reasons why, in fact, she is a "hollaback girl".
81 - Two words: Les. Paul.
82 - Visit the Mountain Dew bottling plant.
83 - Ask Bill Gates if I can borrow 50 bucks.
84 - Submit the script "Clerks 3: Retail Whores" to Kevin Smith.
85 - Host a bon fire party where we burn shit we don't like... DVDs, CDs, magazines, etc.
86 - Be a guest on Dr. Phil (preferably through false means, but hey, if I got real problems, bonus points).
87 - Go fishing using gummi worms.
88 - Get into a heated debated about the pros and cons of debating.
89 - Find a Hootie and the Blowfish tribute band.
90 - If one doesn't exist, form a Hootie and the Blowfish tribute band!
91 - Escape from Alcatraz.
92 - Convince Amy Winehouse to go to rehab (she say no, no no!)
93 - Finish the novel I began in 2002. Seriously, what the hell is taking so long, Me?
94 - Become an internet celebrity, most likely due to my upcoming popular YouTube videos depicting crappy movies with X-Men action figures and Bratz dolls.
95 - Be apart of a police report for a high profile crime (Bonus points if selected as part of the jury).
96 - Obtain a score of 100-0 in a Yankees/Red Sox matchup on All Star Baseball 2000.
97 - Perform at an open-mic night, whether it be musical or comedic.
98 - Start an online petition to get Legend of the Hidden Temple back on the air.
99 - Succeed where Pinky and the Brain have failed: TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
100 - Make a list of 100 Things to do before I die. [Check!]