Fic: Wrong Turn, Chapter One of Three

[bob_fish]

This extended piece of silliness was originally written for sara_rojo as part of the fma_ihop kinkmeme. Her prompt was that she wanted a kickass Ed making mincemeat of some poor bad guy, rescuing Roy, Al or Ling, and making them swoon with his sheer excellence. I tried to oblige. Check out the meme if you haven't been already, it's full of awesome fic.

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Comments

[cryogenia]

Wow! I can't believe this is your first fic. You write action so well, and your Roy-voice is wonderful. He's pompous and a touch haughty and wonderfully characterized, he practically leaps off the page at me.

[bob_fish]

Thanks! Part of the way this fic got so long was that it took ages to get Roy into sufficient trouble that he couldn't bail himself out. I had a lot of fun compromising his dignity but trying to bring out that he's still capable of being scary when loopy from a crack on the head. I loved writing his voice and am sure I'll be doing it again.

[became_fire]

I agree with Cryogenia, your Roy is fantastic, I loved his mortification at inadvertently being honest and straightforward!

I was really pleased when I first saw this prompt, I rather wished I had thought of it myself. It is a nice change seeing Ed getting to kick arse rather than having to be rescued by someone else - especially as he is so clearly capable of looking out for himself. Your story fulfilled the prompt in such a fantastic way :D

Off I go to chapter 2!

[bob_fish]

Thanks! I know, I think the involuntary honesty might even be the worst part of the whole thing for Roy! So much fun writing his POV.

Yeah, it was great to write Ed kicking bottom and showing off - as you say, there's a lot of stuff out there where he gets the fuzzy end of the lollipop. I enjoyed writing how effortlessly he turned this poor sap into hamburger.

[sara_rojo]

Thank you for complimenting the prompt! I can only be ecstatic that I received such a great answer to it ^.^

Ed being rescued all the time gets on my nerves; it's interesting sometimes, downright hot on others, but most of the time, he comes off as a pansy, whimpering weakling, which is opposite the character of the manga. He's the Godamn Fullmetal Alchemist! The Hero of the story! And he kicks so much ass canonically!

[became_fire]

Yeah, it's fine if the context is right but quite a lot of the time I wonder if fic writers have even read the manga/watched the anime with how utterly OOC the characters are. I think most of the time they have some pre-concieved story line that they really like and then proceed to just shoehorn their favourite characters in whether or not it's in any way appropriate.

Of course I am just as guilty of reading and enjoying fics that I know are horribly OOC because it satisfies my own kinks, but there you go, I'm a hypocrite XD

Just as long as there are stories like the above to balance things out, I guess the dodgier ones can be excused!

[havocmangawip]

Your story telling is just WOW and to echo the above comments I am IMPRESSED that this is your first fiction. You're a story teller... keep writing. :)

This just slayed me:

"Lieutenant Hawkeye is going to go so crazy on your ass, you stupid bastard, and I am going to get popcorn and watch."

[bob_fish]

Thank you! I'll do my best to keep it up.

[bob_fish]

Aha, concrit! Thanks so much. I really appreciate this!

Yes, I have trouble with run-on sentences and overcomplicated syntax. I fight them, and strive for more pared-down and journalistic sentences. Still, sometimes they get me! Just off to fiddle with this one, and the couple of minor errors you pointed out.

Yes, Ed loves his leather pants. I'm sure he's not the only one.

[sara_rojo]

He definitely isn'tXD
I actually prompted Ed/leather pants in one of the kink memesXD I'm always intrigued by the reason behind a twelve year old wearing leather pants (and looking damned fine in them, might I add). Specially Edward, who doesn't stirke me as vain, a seducer or even aware of his allure

Also, I LOVE your complex syntax and overworded sentences. I think Roy would totally speak with a pompous vocabulary, tooXD (and wonder why a genius like Ed expresses himself so vulgar and rudeXD)

[bob_fish]

Re. Roy's wordiness - I had a proper read-through to see what you meant, as I'm currently writing him again. The word "modicum" was the one which pinged out at me as possibly a bit too verbose - I did hesitate about that one at the time. He is often fairly terse and informal in the manga (both in the Viz translations and the fan-made ones), so I might keep that in mind when writing him this time. Thinking about it, I reckon his vocabulary would probably shade towards the academic a little more if he was thinking about the workings of alchemy as he is sometimes here. Thanks for helping me take a closer look at his voice, very useful for work in progress!

[sara_rojo]

Ok, re-read this again, and just now noticed how incredibly competent Mustang was in this, too -not only Ed, but Mustang too lived up to his reputation. I love the little geeky alchemical details

Something else I noticed

He must have no idea that he was beautiful now, Roy thought. He was so focused on his quest, on his brother, on the path ahead of him, that Roy was willing to bet that he wouldn't even have noticed admiring looks or attempts at flirtation. Which, right now, was an excellent thing for the remnants of Roy's dignity. To his mental list of lessons from today - tell someone where you're going, head injuries are embarrassing, sew a spare glove into the lining of your jacket - he added, Edward Elric. To be reviewed, later, when he had all his faculties back. Ok, first, unknowingly gorgeous Ed is one of my favourite kinks (my god, you touch on them allXD). Second, I hadn't noticed that Roy in Wrong Turn verse had already noticed and was aware of Ed's beauty; does he remember it in No Small Injury? he doesn't even recoil

[bob_fish]

Yeah, hee hee. I decided not to have him recoil in horror as I'd read quite a few fics where he does and wanted something different. Of course, there are also many fics where he goes "hoorah, my fifteen-year old subordinate is hot and has a crush on me, let's go". XD I imagined Ed to be sixteen in this one, which makes him - just!- legal in the UK, although here, thank goodness, there would still be laws about sexual harassment from one's much older boss/teacher.

As for what I was going for here there's a difference between noticing that someone is gorgeous and pursuing them. My friends and I sometimes talk about the 'work perv' - someone hot in your workplace whom you have no intentions of going after - it's just that sneakily enjoying the eye candy passes the time. Of course, this theory has been known to backfire on the perv-er ...

[sara_rojo]

"hoorah, my fifteen-year old subordinate is hot and has a crush on me, let's go".I'm such a perv, because this is my favourite variantXD

[bob_fish]

Hahaha, you're the good kind of perv. And I think you're in good company there too. XD

I do love Roy when he panics, and you're right that the whole "I shouldn't, no, really, I shouldn't, oh, okay, all right then" thing has its appeal. It's also a reaction I find in its own way very believable - we've all been there at some point (but in most cases, probably not with a fifteen-year-old subordinate XD). But yeah, as usual you're very insightful here about Roy and Ed and why Ed is kind of a dangerous prospect.

I am actually rather fond of 'your scary country's' liberal laws on sexuality - it's the only place in Europe right now where two guys or two girls can get married properly. In the UK there's same sex marriage, but they call it 'civil partnership' in order not to annoy the religious lobby.

/politics

To get back on topic, Roy would have to be a saint not to stare at Ed's ass a tiny bit, no? It's right out there, I'm sure even Hawkeye's checked it out.