Bits of a puzzle, fitting each other: Part two
Gwaine hauls the bags over his shoulder and smiles gratefully when Arthur appears in the shop doorway and takes a bag off him.
“If I’d have known I would’ve given you a lift.”
“It’s fine,” Gwaine says, shrugging. He keeps meaning to get his license sorted but it’s a lot of bother, and he’s lured into a false sense of security by the mostly serviceable public transport system.
Arthur just rolls his eyes then opens the shop door. Merlin’s there, and so are Leon and Morgana, to Gwaine’s surprise.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” he says, putting his stuff down and walking over to them.
“We’ve been meaning to get some photos done,” Leon shrugs.
“Plus this means Arthur owes me a favour,” Morgana says, smirking.
“Excellent,” Gwaine laughs.
“Indeed.”
“Do you want to start setting up?” Merlin asks as he walks over to them. “I’m not sure how long you’ll need.”
“Me neither,” Gwaine admits, and goes to the small studio area. He pulls out his camera and various lenses, laying them out on the floor. He then eyes the screen and the disc reflectors.
“Ok, lets get started.”
The first few shots are terrible. The lighting washes them out completely, and he makes a few adjustments, trying to remember the things he’s read about.
They’re terrible models. Leon always blinks, like his eyelids are somehow connected to the shutter. Merlin brings out a couple of stools from the back, so they can sit down.
Merlin and Arthur just piss about, sticking out tongues, or tickling each other as he makes the shot. At one point Merlin squirms so much that he falls off the stool. Gwaine would be more angry except he’s laughing too much. It’s been ages since he’s had this much fun.
Eventually he’s got the hang of it, though, the lighting working as he wants it now.
“Ok, serious shots now, if you want them,” he says, re-adjusting the tripod.
“Come on, Leon,” Morgana says, heading to the screen.
They arrange themselves on the stools, sitting close. He takes his camera off the tripod and moves around them, taking a few different shots, more candid ones. Gwaine directs them slightly, arranging them for the best effect. They look really good together, he thinks, as they smile at each other.
He loses himself a bit, in the click of the shutter. Eventually he stops, his eyes aching a bit from re-arranging the lights.
“I’ve got some good ones,” he says, handing the camera to Leon. He stretches, feeling content.
Merlin and Arthur have been unusually quiet throughout the serious session, watching from a corner.
“You alright?” Gwaine asks them.
“Yeah. You really get into it. Did you even realise we were here?” Merlin asks as he walks over.
“I forgot,” Gwaine admits. Merlin smiles at Gwaine, not taking offense, before walking past him to peer at the tiny screen on the camera.
“You really love it, don’t you?” Arthur asks.
“I do,” he says, and he does, it’s what he wants to do with his life. He looks over at Leon, Morgana, and Merlin going through his photos, pointing at something in them, smiling. They’re smiling at his work and it’s ridiculous, that he can make people happy with this.
“These are really good,” Morgana says.
“Thanks, I’ll put them on a CD for you, if you’d like.”
“That would be great,” she says, standing up. “We should be heading off, thanks for this, it’s been fun.”
“It has,” Gwaine agrees.
“Thanks, man,” Leon says, clapping Gwaine on the shoulder. Gwaine grins and returns the gesture.
Gwaine packs his things away as Merlin lets Leon and Morgana out. Arthur heads over to help him.
“You’re really good,” Arthur says as he hands Gwaine his errant lens cap.
“Thanks, it means a lot. Do you like the photos?”
“I do, I was wondering if you could our photos on a CD?”
“Sure - do you want some more serious ones?” Gwaine asks, zipping his bag up. The ones he took were mostly experimental and silly.
“No, I like the ones you took,” Arthur says, quietly. Gwaine looks up at him, and he’s smiling, holding out a hand to pull Gwaine up. Gwaine takes it and stands, hiking his bag on his shoulder.
~~~
When he gets the payment from his first wedding shoot, Gwaine invites everyone around for dinner. He serves chicken Satay, the way he was taught in Indonesia, with a few necessary substitutes. Gwaine finds himself surprisingly nervous. It’s his first time hosting a dinner night and it feels like a rite of passage. He finds himself desperately wanting to be accepted into the group.
The food goes down well, with Lance begging for the recipe, which leads to a discussion on types of cuisine.
After food they’re all slightly tipsy, and move to the living room. Arthur, Merlin and Gwen cram on the sofa, Morgana and Elena take the remaining chairs and everyone else finds a bit of floor to sit on. The PS3 gets pulled out and they take turns playing old school Sonic, shouting unhelpful suggestions and jeering at whoever is holding the controls at the time.
“Jump left!”
“The other left!”
“Will you fuckers stop trying to help?”
It’s not until Morgana attempts to stand up and abruptly sits back down again that they realise that most of them are well on their way to drunk, and it’s pushing one am, and should probably think about trying to get a taxi.
“You could all crash here,” Gwaine offers.
“Where, exactly?” Merlin slurs.
“The floor?” Gwaine says, frowning. Merlin has a point. Merlin and Arthur could sleep in his bed? Maybe?
“S’ok, the taxis run til two,” Morgana says, turning to poke Leon. “Ring us a taxi.”
“Yes, dear.” Leon dutifully pulls his phone out and squints at it, managing eventually to get to the right number.
“He has fat thumbs,” Morgana says sadly, patting Leon on the arm. Leon eloquently bobs his tongue out, which the group finds hilarious. Elyan calms first and shushes them loudly.
“Order a couple,” Lance says, standing up and stretching. “We’ll take the other one.”
“You want to share with these two?” Elyan asks Elena. Elena yawns and nods, resting her head briefly on Elyan’s shoulder. Gwaine raises an eyebrow at Gwen, who is probably more in the know than any of them. She just rolls her eyes. He makes a note to corner her and see if there’s any gossip about those two.
“We should order one too, we’re in the opposite direction.” Merlin says.
Arthur hums in response and stands up. “Going for a piss first.”
“Ok,” Merlin says, and promptly lies down, taking up all of the recently vacated sofa. Everyone starts collecting their belongings and putting on shoes and coats. Gwen starts piling up glasses and Gwaine struggles to his feet.
“You don’t have to, I can get these.” Gwaine takes the glasses from Gwen’s hands.
“It’s fine. Have to wait until the taxi gets here.” Gwen stops, running a hand through
Merlin’s hair. “Don’t go to sleep, dear.”
Merlin mumbles in reply. Gwen smiles up at Gwaine.
“He might end up staying there is he falls asleep. He’s a heavy sleeper.”
Gwaine shrugs. “If he can sleep on the sofa he can stay there.”
He walks into the kitchen, glad of the slightly cooler air there. He piles plates into the sink.
“Hey,” Gwaine jumps, clattering the plates. He twirls around, closing his eyes as the room continues to swirl after he’s stopped moving.
“Jesus, Leon, warn a man next time.”
“Sorry,” Leon grins, unrepentant. “Just wanted to say thanks for the evening.”
“Did I pass muster, then?”
“Yup, you’re definitely going on the rota - no getting out of it now.”
“Bugger,” Gwaine swears mournfully.
Everyone else leaves, Arthur makes a show of poking Merlin into wakefulness and whispers in his ear. Merlin blinks up at Arthur, then breaks out into a filthy grin. Gwaine makes a noise in the back of his throat, and two sets of blue eyes lock on him. His stomach swoops in a way
that has little to do with the amount of alcohol he’s consumed.
~~~
The kickabout sessions don’t really catch on - occasionally someone will mention it in passing and they’ll arrange one for the next weekend, but it doesn’t really go further than that. It’s a shame, Arthur thinks, because it’s a lot of fun and it works the tension of the week out nicely.
They manage to arrange one during a nice hot weekend. The park is full of people desperately soaking up the sun but they manage to find a free corner away from kids and dogs.
Gwaine’s doing keepie uppies while the others are warming up, blatantly showing off - not that Arthur’s complaining.
He takes a look at the others, all pretty caught up in their own conversations, and jogs over to Gwaine. Gwaine glances at him and smirks. The next time the ball falls down to his feet, Gwaine angles the kick so the ball heads towards Arthur. Arthur jumps a little then catches it on his chest, dropping it to his knees.
Arthur’s just entered his stride, balancing the ball nicely when Gwaine comes and tackles him, causing Arthur to lose the ball and his balance.
“Oi!” he shouts, scrambling back to his feet. The others have started to move towards them - Arthur can hear Leon shouting something but he’s too busy planning his next tackle.
It descends into an all out tussle, Arthur gives up on trying to tackle properly when he sees how dirty Gwaine plays and starts taking a few risks.
Arthur misjudges a move and Gwaine’s ankles twists underneath him. He falls to the floor, swearing.
“Shit,” Arthur mutters, dropping to his knees next to him. “You alright?”
“Yeah, just twisted it a bit.”
“Bollocks. Sorry,” Arthur says. Gwaine shakes him off pulling off his boot. The others are gathered around them now.
“We should get some ice on that ankle before it swells too much,” Elyan says, moving to help Gwaine get up.
Arthur pulls Gwaine’s arm over his shoulder, supporting his weight.
“Get him back to the car, we’ll get him sorted.”
“Lads, it’s just a slight sprain, don’t fuss.”
“He can come back to mine, make sure he doesn’t try to walk,” Arthur says, ignoring Gwaine’s protests.
“Looks like the match is off then,” Leon says.
“We’ll arrange a re-match as soon as hop-along here can walk,” Arthur says.
“I can walk!”
Elyan and Arthur take Gwaine back to the car, Leon and Elena trailing behind with bags and jackets. They lower Gwaine and he shuffles into the passenger seat of the car. He winces as he catches his ankle, then glares.
“Do you want to come back to mine, we can have a drink at least?” Arthur offers, feeling guilty for being partially responsible for the match being postponed.
“Nah, we’ll let you and Merlin play nurse,” Leon says, nudging Arthur’s shoulder. “We’ll arrange something for next weekend.” Leon leans down to peer into the car at Gwaine, who’s now sulking. “You think you’ll be up to that, invalid?”
“I don’t know why I’m friends with you,” Gwaine says. Leon just laughs at him.
They part ways there, slightly subdued. Arthur starts up the car and pulls away. Gwaine leans over and murmurs.
“You better make up for this, Pendragon.”
Arthur swallows hard at the gravelly tone of Gwaine’s voice. Gwaine just smirks at him and settles in for the journey back to the flat.
~~~
Merlin isn’t in when they get back.
“He’s catching up with some people from home,” Arthur explains, after he’s lowered Gwaine to the sofa. “I’ll go find some ice.”
Arthur finds some frozen peas which he wraps in a tea-towel and takes to Gwaine.
“Ok, so, we need to lift your leg,” Arthur says, shifting the coffee table so Gwaine can put his foot on it. Gwaine lifts an eyebrow.
“This is the one and only time, Gwaine,” Arthur warns. “Think of it as part of my making it up to you.”
“I was angling for a lot more than putting feet on the furniture.”
“Maybe after you’ve recovered.”
“It’s not actually that bad,” Gwaine points out.
“How bad is it?” Arthur asks.
“A little sore, the ice is helping,” Gwaine admits.
“I’ll go find some painkillers.” Artur stands up and heads to the bathroom. He sends off a quick text to Merlin letting him know what’s gone on. He gets a reply as he’s looking through the cabinet for some ibuprofen.
From: Merlin
To: Arthur
Can’t leave you alone for a second. You two survive til this evening without me?
From: Arthur
To: Merlin
Depends if you’re bringing takeout back with you
Arthur finds the tablets and grabs a glass of water from the kitchen. Gwaine takes the pills without too much grumbling, which Arthur takes to be a bad sign.
From: Merlin
To: Arthur
I’ll stop at the chippy on the way back. Any requests?
“Merlin’s going to the chippy on the way back, do you want anything in particular?”
“Do I have a choice about staying here tonight?”
“Oh, if you want I can take you back,” Arthur starts, “I mean, I thought it would be easier if you were here and I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“It’s fine, I was joking,” Gwaine replies. “Besides, how could I refuse such fine hospitality? All I need is a little bell and I’d be set,” Gwaine says, shifting on the sofa.
“If you think I’m fluffing pillows for you, you can think again,” Arthur says.
An hour or so later Merlin comes back, complete with offerings of fish and chips. Arthur brings plates into the living room and starts dishing out.
“I went to the chemist, and they said you need to put a bandage on it,” Merlin says, sitting on the coffee table and pulling a box out of a bag. “I had to guess a bit on size, so I really hope you don’t have freakishly big ankles.”
“My ankles are positively svelte,” Gwaine replies. Arthur watches as Merlin smiles up at Gwaine and picks Gwaine’s foot up and into his lap. He guides the bandage over Gwaine’s foot, and, although Arthur can’t see it, he can imagine the frown on Merlin’s face as he tries not to hurt Gwaine further. He sees Gwaine watching Merlin carefully, before glancing up and meeting Arthur’s gaze. Gwaine smiles, just slightly, and Arthur smiles and shakes himself, looking down at the plate in his hand.
“All done,” Merlin says, shifting out from under Gwaine’s foot.
“Thanks,” Gwaine says quietly. Merlin turns and looks at Arthur.
“Haven’t you finished dishing up yet? I’m starving.”
~~~
“Hi.” Lucy, one of Gwaine’s co-workers smiles up at him. She’s very pretty, Gwaine notices, as she scans his groceries through the till.
“Hi there. How are you today?”
“Good, glad it’s Friday.”
“Aren’t we all? Got any plans?” Gwaine asks as he hands over his staff card for his discount.
“Picnic if the weather stays nice. You?”
“Not really, no.”
“Well, you’re welcome to join, if you like?” she asks and Gwaine looks at her, realising she’s flirting with him. He finds himself turning her down before his brain can catch up with his mouth. Her face falls but then she smiles.
“Ah well, had to try didn’t I? Insanely jealous of whoever it is though.” Gwaine chuckles and says his goodbyes. He walks down the street in a daze. The fuck did I just do?
He ignores it. It was a slip of the tongue, and it wasn’t like he was that attracted to her - otherwise he would’ve made a move already.
~~~
Arthur gets up from the sofa and wanders into the kitchen. He opens and shuts the fridge door, and does the same with the cupboards, blindly looking into them. He isn’t hungry or thirsty. Just restless. Like he needs to do something but he has nothing pressing to do.
“You alright?” Merlin looks up from the TV.
“Eh. I’m just-” Arthur shrugs.
“A big pile of dunno?” Merlin suggests.
“Yes. That.”
“Can I help?”
“No, it’ll pass,” Arthur replies, sitting back down on the sofa. Merlin drops it, thankfully but keeps shooting him looks over his tea.
He’s been feeling off for a while, but he can’t exactly pinpoint when it started. He tries to trace the feeling back to a specific day, but he can’t do it.
Arthur frowns and drinks his tea. He knows that Merlin will only give him so long before he broaches the subject again, but Arthur’s hoping he’ll have sorted through his confusion by then and have a decent answer for Merlin.
~~~
Gwaine knew it wouldn’t last - his encounter with Lucy has been niggling the back of his mind like a sore tooth he can’t help but poke. He’d really been enjoying the casualness of his sessions with Arthur and Merlin, the knowledge he could have hot sex when he wanted. However, it’s starting to look like it’s going a bit further than that.
Gwaine’s never been good at permanence, and one Wednesday it starts to rankle. But he’s got work and really doesn’t want to have to face the disappointment on everyone’s faces, so he throws on the uniform and gets through his shift. Thursday finds him being asked to work overtime at Tescos, and a text from Merlin reminding him that they’ve arranged to go to the pub after work on Friday and his skin really starts to itch.
He decides to turn down the overtime, and ignores the text. He throws some things into a bag and walks to the train station. He ends up hopping on a train to Wales. It’s the last train of the night, and he’s basically got the carriage to himself. He gets to his destination at slightly after midnight, and he stands on the platform, stretching his muscles out.
He finds a somewhere open to grab some snacks and then wanders around. He finds the sea and stands there, looking out over the swirling dark liquid. It’s cold, and the tide is high, spray covering him. When he takes a sip of his tea, it tastes salty.
Gwaine spends the night huddled around his bag, sometimes dozing. He watches the sunrise and then finds a small cafe for breakfast. The woman who serves him is nice, doesn’t comment on his appearance even though he knows he’s got to be a bit scruffy.
She lets him use their bathroom to clean up a bit, splashing water on his face and swilling out his mouth. When he gets back to the table there’s a fry up waiting for him.
The sea air is fresh and cool. He takes great lungfuls of it in, shuddering as it makes his sinuses ache. It’s not tourist season, so everything’s quieter, more relaxed. He spends the day wandering up the sea front, talking to buskers, taking photos of kids on donkey rides.
Saturday evening Gwaine decides to pull out his phone. He’s got a few texts from people asking if he’s alright.
He replies to Leon, knowing he can spread the word.
From: Gwaine
To: Leon
Sorry. Got a bit too much. Be back tomorrow.
From: Leon
To: Gwaine
Stupid twat followed by,
From: Leon
To: Gwaine
Let us know first next time, yeah? and Gwaine feels a little better.
~~~
Gwaine’s not looking forward to facing everyone after his little trip.
He offers to take the next dinner spot, and Percy is more than happy to give up his turn for Gwaine. Gwaine spends the day fiddling with the food. He’s gone all out, he’s hoping that he can stuff everyone, make them too lazy and content to have it out with him.
Of course, Arthur and Merlin show up first. Gwaine hasn’t seen them alone for a while. His stomach twinges when he opens the door, and he’s shaky like he’s got a fever. They’re quiet, and Gwaine hates it.
“Look, can we just - get it all out? In one go?”
“We were worried,” Merlin says.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve told people first.”
“Why?” Arthur asks. “Did you leave, I mean.”
“I needed to get away. To breathe.”
“To breathe,” Arthur says, deadpan.
“Yeah, I’m not good with expectations.” Gwaine hopes Arthur at least can relate to that, even if it’s not exactly the same. He doesn’t know much about Arthur’s work but he knows Arthur’s dad is bit overbearing, and that Arthur’s feelings of obligation to his father were the causes of some of Arthur and Merlin’s bigger fights, back when they were first going out.
Arthur just shakes his head and then looks away. “Some warning would’ve been nice.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“Leon’s going to kill you,” Merlin points out.
“Yeah, I know.” Gwaine grimaces. “All I can say is sorry.”
The evening is subdued, and Gwaine ends up apologising more in one night than he ever has done in his life. He’s forgiven by the end of it though, and he’s thankful none of them are the types to hold grudges.
~~~
“I was wondering,” Arthur says, feeling nervous and silly about said nerves in equal measure. “What about having Gwaine over this weekend?”
Merlin shrugged. “I’m not that fussed, really.”
“Oh, well. We don’t have to,” Arthur says, trying not to let his disappointment show.
“Maybe next weekend? I’m not feeling in the mood, this weekend.”
“Sure, ok,” Arthur replies.
Merlin relaxes slightly. He feels off, disconnected feels like the best word to describe it. He wonders if it’s a reaction to Arthur’s oddness of the past week or so. All he knows for certain is he’s craving a bit of ‘Merlin and Arthur’ time. He pulls Arthur to him when Arthur sits on the sofa next to him, sliding his fingers under Arthur’s shirt, not wanting to arouse, just wanting to touch.
Arthur burrows into him a bit, humming as Merlin traces patterns on his skin with his fingers.
~~~
Arthur can’t remember the last time he was this jittery. He hates it, and nothing he does seems to fix it. It’s like anticipation, leaving his stomach fluttering and limbs twitching, but he has no idea what he’s waiting for.
“What is wrong with you?” Merlin asks, irritated as Arthur finally blinks up at him. “I’ve been talking to you for the past five minutes.”
“Sorry, I’m - distracted.”
“Anything interesting?” Merlin asks.
“No, sorry. Just. Thinking.”
“Right,” Merlin mutters under his breath, turning away.
“Don’t be like that.” Arthur stands up. “I’m sorry, ok? I’m just feeling out of sorts.”
“You’ve been out of sorts for a while - are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
“I would if I knew.” Arthur runs his fingers through his hair. “Maybe I need a break.”
“You could book some time off work - you’re due some holiday.”
“Yeah, I might. Maybe just spend some time around the flat a bit.”
~~~
Spending time around the flat was not what Arthur needs, he discovers soon. At first it’s wonderful, he does some reading that isn’t required for work, goes to the gym, has a lie in. But after that, during the late afternoons, when he’s had all the tea he can conceivably drink and there really is nothing to watch on TV, he ends up thinking.
And really, that’s a bad thing.
He’s not sure why he’s feeling so discontent. In theory he should be as happy as he’s ever been. Flat, job, friends, Merlin, Gwaine. He’s not sure what else he could possibly want. He just wishes he felt that way.
He sighs and drops his head onto the back of the sofa, swallowing against the now familiar twisting of something in his stomach.
It’s becoming clear that maybe this week of doing nothing isn’t helping, so Arthur makes a vow that next week he’ll do everything like normal. He’ll go down the pub with everyone and make time for Merlin and get stuff done at work. Maybe even have Gwaine over, if Merlin wants.
He nods, cautiously hopeful that he can push through this fug and get back to where he was a few months ago.
~~~
Merlin walks into the flat and collapses onto the sofa.
“Glad it’s Friday?”
“Aren’t I always?” Merlin replies, lifting his head off the sofa. Arthur encourages Merlin to move so he can sit on the sofa. Merlin shifts so he can lie down with his head in Arthur’s lap.
“Bad day?”
“Lots of people wanting to print end of term pictures,” Merlin sighs. Arthur runs his fingers through Merlin’s hair, scratching his scalp slightly.
“Lots of giggling teenagers?”
“And their mums. And little kids who left primary school,” Merlin adds, waving a hand around. “Just a lot of mums and excitable kids.”
“This is your punishment for having a public-facing job.
“Comforting, thanks,” Merlin replies, frowning.
“You love my tough love approach.”
Merlin hums, closing his eyes and relaxing under Arthur’s fingers.
“Do we have any plans this weekend?” Merlin asks.
“I was going to talk to you about that,” Arthur says. Merlin cracks open an eye. “We haven’t seen Gwaine for a while - even just as a mate. I think we should get drinks or something.”
Merlin opens the other eye and nods.
“It has been a while,” he says. “Maybe we could invite him over? If you wanted to.”
“If you want,” Arthur says. “We don’t have to, if you still don’t want to.”
“No,” Merlin says. “I think it might be fun. It’s been a while and we’ve both been a little -” Merlin pauses and does a little hand gesture that Arthur assumes is to encompass their fug-like state. “Might be what we need.”
“Ok,” Arthur says, anticipation already curling through his stomach. “You want to text Gwaine later?”
“Yeah, I will do.”
~~~
From: Merlin
To: Gwaine
Sorry for the silence, been a bit busy. Drinks soon?
Gwaine smiles when he reads the text. He’s been wondering if something was going on between the two of them, maybe they’d decided they didn’t want to play with Gwaine that way anymore.
This is the first he’s heard from either of them in over a week and he had been trying not to feel like a jilted lover, merely annoyed that it looked like he wasn’t going to get to have sex with two of his friends again.
It didn’t exactly work, and, after realising he had checked his phone roughly ten times in as many minutes, he’d resigned himself to a bit of a mope.
He re-reads the text, realising he’s smiling. Gwaine presses reply.
From: Gwaine
To: Merlin
Sounds good. This weekend?
From: Merlin
To: Gwaine
I’ll talk to A then get back to you
Gwaine tucks the phone back into his pocket, still smiling. Maybe he can convince them to make the drinks a private affair?
~~~
They end up meeting at the pub Saturday lunchtime. Gwaine is feeling slightly nervous, so he dresses slightly better than he would normally, jeans that he knows fit well enough to show off his arse, and a nice shirt instead of a tee-shirt.
Gwaine arrives first, which is a surprise even to himself. He nurses a pint, tracing a finger over the condensation on the glass. He sees Merlin and Arthur arrive and he waves them over.
Merlin gets them drinks and they make small talk. It’s starts off a little awkwardly, but Merlin starts relating an anecdote about accidentally seeing a customer’s dirty photos and Gwaine talks about his website and suddenly it’s normal again.
They have a couple of pints, and Gwaine relaxes, loose limbed and lazy.
“So, you two got plans for the rest of the day?” Gwaine asks.
“Well, we were going to ask if you wanted to head back to ours?” Arthur asks, glancing at Merlin as he does. Merlin nods firmly, smiling.
“I’d like that,” Gwaine says, feeling himself break out in a grin.
“Good. Go after we finish up?” Merlin asks, lifting his glass. Gwaine lifts his glass and downs the dregs of his pint. Arthur does the same and soon they’re all heading back to Merlin and Arthur’s flat.
~~~
Arthur gets up from the bed and stretches, swallowing a groan as he feels his joints pop. Merlin grumbles at him, still mostly dozing.
“Need the loo,” he murmurs, leaning down to kiss Merlin.
“Ok,” Merlin replies, sleepily returning the kiss and burrowing more under the covers. Gwaine just cracks an eye open and smiles, before shifting closer to Merlin. Arthur wants to stay and watch them curled up together but his bladder is very insistent.
When he returns neither of them have moved. He stands for a moment, just looking at the lovely picture they make. Something close to fondness wells up inside him and it’s like the proverbial epiphany. Suddenly everything makes sense - the hollow feeling in his stomach, the discontent, all of it. He was missing Gwaine, he loves Gwaine.
“You alright?”
Arthur startles at the question. Merlin is looking at him, concerned. Arthur wonders what he looks like right now.
“Fine, sorry.”
“Coming back to bed?”
“I was thinking of making tea,” Arthur lies, needing a bit of space. He moves to pull on a pair of jeans.
“That sounds good,” Merlin replies. “Gwaine?”
Arthur watches as Gwaine stretches, back arching like a cat. Arthur swallows hard. “Sounds good to me,” Gwaine says, voice low and rough.
“I’ll go and do that,” Arthur says, making his escape.
He doesn’t get long, just enough time to take a step back from the immediacy of it all. He’s pouring water into the mugs when Merlin and Gwaine appear, thankfully fully dressed.
“Time is it?” Merlin asks as he pulls the milk out of the fridge.
“Late. Teatime, pretty much,” Gwaine says. “I should be heading back soon, got work tomorrow.”
They drink their tea at the kitchen table, talking quietly. It feels peaceful, a startling contrast to the way Arthur’s thoughts are swirling. He’s not even sure what he’s thinking about really, his thoughts drift through his mind but never fully form. Part of it is he has no plan of attack. Arthur knows he should talk to Merlin, he has no idea what will happen from there, and the fact that he can’t plan for anything bothers him. He starts to think of ways he could bring the subject up, ways to explain how he feels but he hates all of them.
Merlin keeps shooting him glances, and he realises he’s not covering it as well as he should.
Arthur manages a little better once Gwaine has gone, slowly becoming more responsive to Merlin’s conversation. They put some pasta on to cook, and Merlin starts to cook some mince for Bolognase. They argue over how much garlic to put in, Merlin loves the stuff. Arthur would normally make a joke about Merlin leaving him for a garlic bulb, but his throat constricts around the words.
“Are you ok?” Merlin asks, stirring the sauce. “You’ve been quiet since we got out of bed.”
“Sorry,” Arthur replies.
“That’s not an answer, Arthur.” Merlin twists to look at Arthur. “You’ve not been right since before Gwaine left.”
“I’m not ok,” Arthur admits, taking a deep breath. “I need to talk to you.”
Merlin blinks in shock then visibly collects himself.
“Ok, I’ll -” He turns the hob off, moving the pans so the food doesn’t burn. Arthur moves into the living room and sits in the armchair, leaving the sofa for Merlin.
“What is it, Arthur?” Merlin asks, looking worried.
“I’ve figured out why I’ve been so off the past few weeks,” Arthur says, running a hand through his hair.
“And?”
“And, I think it’s because I’ve developed feelings for Gwaine,” Arthur finishes, wincing at his phrasing.
“Feelings,” Merlin says flatly.
“I love you,” Arthur rushes to reassure Merlin. He knows he’s probably not helping, but he’s forgotten every thought he’d had about this conversation, and he’s not entirely sure there’s a way to make this anything other than a train wreck anyway. “It makes no sense, I know. But I love you. That’s not changed.”
“Do you love him?”
“Maybe. Well, yes.” Arthur admits, feeling a little light-headed at having this out in the open after grappling with it for so long. “But I don’t want to lose you.”
Merlin swallows.
“So this is what your weirdness has been about?” Merlin asks.
“Yeah. I think I might’ve known, subconsciously, for a while.”
“When we stopped inviting him over,” Merlin says.
“Yeah,” Arthur says. “But I only really realised it today, seeing you curled up together. I just, I loved it,” he says. “I love you both.”
Arthur waits for Merlin to say or do something, the silence is too loud. He’s on the verge of asking Merlin what he’s thinking when Merlin takes a deep breath.
“I’ve been thinking about suggesting having a proper break from sleeping with Gwaine for a while - I need to have a think.”
“What do you mean?” Arthur asks.
“I’m not sure myself, on how I feel about Gwaine. I’m not as sure as you are, about if my feelings are deeper than friendship, but I know there’s something there,” Merlin says, “and it seems like you need to clear your head. Maybe a break?”
“I don’t want to lose you,” Arthur says again, stuck on the word ‘break’, because most of the time there’s a silent ‘up’ on the end of that, it’s universal.
“I love you,” Merlin replies, and Arthur breathes a sigh of relief. “And I don’t mean break up, I don’t. I don’t want to lose you either. But we do need to sort this out. And we’ll need to talk to Gwaine when we have sorted it out.”
Arthur sits back. He’s mostly relieved, the conversation could’ve gone so much worse, but they’re not sorted yet.
“Do you - when you say break, do you want me to go to Morgana’s?” Arthur asks.
“That’s up to you, I’m not kicking you out,” Merlin says.
“I might stay here,” Arthur says, tentatively. “But if either of us need the space - the offer’s still open.”
“Thank you,” Merlin says.
~~~
Arthur mostly throws himself into his work, and spends his nights staring at the ceiling. He moves to the spare room, not wanting to disturb Merlin with his tossing and turning. Merlin doesn’t really look like he’s sleeping well at the moment either.
His feelings don’t magically sort themselves out, just continue to swirl around his head, clogging up all his other thoughts. He doesn’t do half as many consults with staff as he normally does; he knows he can’t handle the extra emotions right now.
Arthur starts at the beginning, desperately trying to find a path through his conflicting emotions.
He loves Merlin, that will never change. The idea of not having Merlin in his life is terrible. However, he can’t get away from the fact he’s in love with Gwaine.
It’s during one of his mopes that his phone buzzes with a text.
From: Gwaine
To: Arthur
What’s up? You seemed off when I was there
From: Arthur
To: Gwaine
It’s complicated. Merlin and I are working some stuff out.
From: Gwaine
To: Arthur
Shit, sorry
From: Arthur
To: Gwaine
Nothing to apologise for. Sorry we’re being a bit flakey
From: Gwaine
To: Arthur
Hope you get things sorted
From: Arthur
To: Gwaine
We’ll let you know
~~~
Arthur knows they can’t actually hide from everyone, and sooner or later everyone gets the message that something is up. Arthur’s not sure how, but the group is very in tune to each other’s feelings, and so it’s not incredibly surprising.
From: Morgana
To: Arthur:
Lunch, tomorrow 1:30. Eat’s.
Arthur sighs, and pushes a hand through his hair.
From: Arthur
To: Morgana
If I must
There’s no response which in itself is a response.
~~~
“So, what’s going on between you and Merlin? You’ve been off,” Morgana says, skipping all the pleasantries, which Arthur is thankful for. He’s not in the mood for small talk.
Arthur shakes his head. “We’re thinking some stuff over. It’s complicated.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Morgana asks as she pays for her food.
“Soon, maybe,” Arthur says.
“If you need someone to listen, you know where I am. Sometimes you need an outside opinion. And I’m always impartial.”
“You’re something,” Arthur replies, rolling his eyes. Morgana makes a face back at him, and Arthur laughs, feeling lighter than he has in days.
“I’m being serious.” Morgana grips Arthur’s wrist.
“I know, thank you,” Arthur says, sincerely.
Just before they part, Morgana catches Arthur’s hand, holding it tightly.
“You two are good together, you’ll get through it,” she says. Arthur nods, hoping she’s right.
~~~
“Hey,” Gwaine says, standing back to let Leon in.
“Hey yourself,” Leon says, walking into the house and heading straight to the kitchen.
He opens the fridge and helps himself to a beer.
“Pass me one?” Gwaine says, leaning against the counter. They open the cans and take a drink in silence. “So what brings you here?”
“Is everything ok with you?”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?” Gwaine lies through his teeth, hoping he can fool his friend. It’s not that he wants to lie, it’s just that they’ve never spoken about his fuck-buddy status with Leon, they’ve never had that sort of friendship.
He wants to revel in it for a while, be a bit self-indulgent in his brooding. He knows the urge will pass quickly, and then he’ll tell Leon, and open himself to his opinions and advice. He just wants to lick his wounds a little, first.
“Just wondering.” Leon shrugs. “You seem a little tense - ever since Arthur and Merlin started to get rocky. Not sure what happened, and I’m not pushing for an explanation either. Just want you to know that I’m here for you, yeah?”
“Everything’s fine,” Gwaine says, hoping he sounds casual. He can’t believe Leon has picked up on Gwaine’s tension, and he wonders if anyone else has noticed.
“I’m sure it is. But if it isn’t, you know where I am.” Leon says, putting his drink down on the counter.
“Thanks, man,” Gwaine says. He almost considers telling Leon everything, but the almost inevitable pity angers him before it’s even manifested and so he keeps his mouth shut.
Leon changes the subject to rugby, something Gwaine is intensely grateful for. They end up making a stupid bet on the the Ireland vs. England match, and vow to watch it together in the pub. Gwaine almost stops thinking about his wreck of a love life.
“Right I should be off,” Leon says, throwing the can into the recycling. “I’ll see you Saturday, and remember what I said, yeah. Don’t be stupid on me.”
“Yeah, thanks,” Gwaine mutters. “See you.”
“See you.”
As soon as Leon’s gone, Gwaine wishes he’d spoken to him.
~~~~
Later on, when Gwaine’s sat in front of a rerun of Mock The Week for lack of anything to watch, he picks up his phone and cycles through his contacts, his old texts, things to distract him. He opens a blank message and types out a message.
From: Gwaine
To Leon:
I may have done something stupid
He waffles back and forth, deleting it more than once and throwing the phone onto the sofa next to him. Eventually he sighs, retypes the message and sends it. He immediately drops the phone next to him and doesn’t look at it, pretending not to listen out for a reply.
From: Leon
To: Gwaine
That doesn’t surprise me
From: Gwaine
To: Leon
You’re funny. I’m serious
Gwaine waits half a minute then sends another message.
From: Gwaine
To: Leon
I’m in love
From: Leon
To: Gwaine
Who?
Gwaine groans. He really doesn’t want to answer this question, admitting he was in love was bad enough, admitting the names was the last step to making this whole real, something he has to deal with rather than ignore.
From: Gwaine
To: Leon
Arthur and Merlin
Gwaine presses send, heart pounding. He waits for the knock at the door.
Leon, bless him, appears with a bottle of vodka and a sympathetic look. Gwaine just lets him in and goes to sit back on the sofa. Leon disappears into the kitchen and reappears after a while with two glasses of vodka and lemonade. Gwaine takes one of them and sips, grimacing at the burn of the alcohol. Definitely more vodka than lemonade in the glass.
“I agreed to the threesome because they’re hot,” Gwaine starts. Leon blinks like he’s reassessing his world view a bit but nods. “I didn’t expect-”
“Feelings?” Leon suggests?
“Yeah, that.”
Leon blows out a breath. “What are you going to do?”
“Fucked if I know. I could leave, go off again, travel some more.” Leon sighs softly. Gwaine looks at him, sensible, strong, dependable Leon. Leon who’d been so excited that Gwaine was coming back, settling down for a bit. He can’t do that to Leon, even though Leon wouldn’t stand in his way. Gwaine finds he didn’t want to. “I don’t want to, though. I like it here, I like having regular friends.” Gwaine takes a long swig of his drink. “So I guess I’ll have to put up with it.”
“Are you going to manage?”
“Yeah, course. I’ll deal. Go out on the pull - it’s been a while.”
“Go seduce some unknowing young thing out of their pants?” Leon asks.
“Yes, that. And then get over it. Them.”
Leon shakes his head. “I can’t go out on the pull, but I can certainly organise a night out. Without them,if you want.”
“You don’t have to exclude them. It wasn’t deliberate or anything. It would be wrong to push them out because I’m stupid.”
Leon shrugs. “It might be good, to have a bit of time apart. Give things time to heal first. Have you told them about your feelings?”
“No.”
“Are you going to?”
“No. I think they know, to be honest. Everything’s gone a bit awkward,” Gwaine says, thinking back to how Arthur had acted the last time the three of them were together. Like he’d realised something. Then came the text about them needing to sort some stuff out and Gwaine could easily put two and two together. Arthur has realised that Gwaine might be slightly more invested in this arrangement than them and they’ve decided to pull back. Gwaine regrets that, too. Arthur and Merlin are good people - great friends. He doesn’t want to lose them as friends but it’s looking inevitable, even if it’s only temporarily.
“Do you regret it?”
“No.” Gwaine wants to say something awful, like ‘I don’t do regrets’ but that’s ridiculous and Leon wouldn’t believe him anyway. “No, it was worth it, I think.” He takes a drink. “They were pretty good fucks,” he adds, smirking when Leon chokes on his drink.
“Please, I beg you, no details.”
“Mate, are you sure? There was this one time -”
Leon scrunches his eyes shut and covers his ears with his hands. “Stop it! Stop! Mercy, I beg you!”
Gwaine is laughing too much to keep talking.
“You going to be ok?”
“Course I will.”
“Good, I won’t feel bad about kicking your arse at FIFA,” Leon says, picking up the PS3 controls and handing one to Gwaine.
“You wish,” Gwaine says, starting up the console, the heavy ache in his chest suddenly feeling a lot lighter.
~~~
Arthur decides to do something he probably should have done a while ago. He pulls open his laptop, types ‘In love with two people’ into Google and gets lost down the rabbit hole that is the internet. After a few false starts - sites with advice on how to choose between two people, or on how to battle a love addiction - he finds the wiki page on polyamory.
He devours page after page, lighting on the term Triad relationship and opening another tab to search for that. He reads testimonials, blogs, advice columns (learns the term monogam-ish, although he doubts that will ever apply to them). He realises that there’s no real rule book for this type of relationship, and what one group of people swear by another will advise people not to do it ever.
There are tenets though, themes of honesty, communication, trust running through everything he reads. He realises just how wrong they went about things, and now it’s coming to bite them in the arse.
Arthur reads until his eyes are aching from the glare of his screen. He sits back, and takes a deep breath. His head is full of what he’s read, ideas and images of the three of them, together, properly.
Arthur wonders if it could work, if the three of them would be able to get there. He shakes his head, realises he’s a bit too far ahead of himself. He needs to speak to the others first.
It doesn’t stop him going to bed feeling hopeful for the first time in a while, though.
~~~
Merlin sends Arthur a message after a week. They’ve spoken, but it’s been distracted, both of them too lost in their heads. He knows he could just wait until they both get home, but it’s going to be awkward and he wants a bit of space to arrange something.
Merlin’s feelings for Gwaine are much more tentative than Arthur’s apparently are. It’s more than lust, Gwaine is attractive on multiple levels. He’s hesitant to put the name infatuation on it, although that’s certainly part of it.
Gwaine’s life has been so exciting, and he’s done so much that Merlin can’t help feel a little awe-struck. He knows he’s romanticising the whole thing, that Gwaine is a bit of a drifter, but still, travel always sounds exciting. And he’s undoubtedly talented with a camera.
But under that there’s very real foundations of something more, something altogether deeper. He like spending time with Gwaine, both in and out the bedroom and doesn’t want to stop that.
Merlin realises the next step is talking to Arthur about the next step. He can’t do much without talking to Arthur about what he wants to do.
From: Merlin
To Arthur:
I’m good to talk, whenever you are.
He sends the message when he’s on his lunch, and sets the phone on the table. Merlin jumps when his phone buzzes at him. He looks at the phone and opens the message from Arthur.
From: Arthur
To: Merlin
Me too. After work?
From: Merlin
To: Arthur
Sure. Want to meet at the pub, maybe?
Merlin sits, rubbing his thumb over the screen of his phone. He still jumps when he gets his reply.
From: Arthur
To: Merlin
Yeah pub works. See you there at 7?
From: Merlin
To: Arthur
Sounds good
Merlin puts the phone down. He feels incredibly awkward and he hates it. He’s never really felt this way before. Yes, awkward isn’t a new feeling for him, but with Arthur - they sort of fell together. It hadn’t been easy, they clashed often, but this is different and horrible.
He hopes that tonight will change something. He thinks that anything will be better than this limbo.