Comments | blissfllyunawr: (без темы)

blissfllyunawr

(Untitled)

Oct 26, 2006 22:06

Alright so this is the only college essay short answer thing that i have written thus far that i kind of like. So i would really appreciate it if you guys could read it and give me some feedback. Now, keep in mind that this is a liberal arts school and that they are not exactly as academic as many of the schools the majority of you will prolly be ( Read more... )

Comments 4

(The comment has been removed)

blissfllyunawr October 27 2006, 05:36:33 UTC

i got a sense of that as well when i read it over. I just didnt want to make it sound arrogent. I think i need to go back and revise a bit but i just dont want to cross that line. haha

less_than_canny October 27 2006, 06:36:57 UTC

what you have in these cases isn't wrong, but these might flow better:
"...but unusual as a result of my family's involvement in the entertainment industry."
"...builds and decorates sets,..."
im not sure "over abundance" is proper. besides, its the perfect oppourtunity to work in the word "plethora" which is just so under used.

other than that, yeah, put some more about you in there.

blissfllyunawr October 27 2006, 19:54:38 UTC

ok funny story. i was writing that sentence and at a loss for a word. and plethora pops into my head. and i was like...hmmm....no i dont know if that is an acceptable word, and so i supporessed my urge to put it in there and covered it with "over abundance" which i wasnt fully satisfied with. i will now go back and set plethora free to liven up the sentence. thank you john. haha

dumbfoundeddip October 27 2006, 07:11:23 UTC

"There has never been a dull moment in my childhood as a result of the “family business”, if you will"

It's been my experience thus far that most english teachers or ayone like that absolutely hates the use of "you" in any essay. I dont know if it's acceptable for this kind of essay, but just thought you might wanna check into that to be sure just in case. I'd hate to see you possibly get screwed over something so small that anal rententive people would pick up on. Otherwise I think it's a damn good answer to the question. Although yeah, you might wanna put a little more about you in there seeing as that's basicly what school's are interested in, not really your family. Good Luck!