The Winchester Shell Game: Wherein I Get A Little Bit Schooled
Season One: about who saves who and when and what the hell does Jericho have to do with it.
Season Two: about who saves who and when and how you could possibly decide to kill or not to kill something if you are constantly questioning what evil really is.
I got to re-thinking that last Shell Game meta. I think I was being one-sided in my focus.
The mission that the first year to Sam was, "Find Dad", in the way that the post implied: tracking Dad down. But for Dean the mission was really more like, "Stay alive long enough to be reunited with Dad". If you look at it that way, the mission was a success. Dean was successful in his mind. Sam was a failure in his mind. One result with opposite, and equally true, conclusions.
The different viewpoints about the mission echoed the rift that drove them apart as teenagers: Sam is basically proactive and Dean is basically reactive. Sam is clinging to the world, but it's a narrow view of reality for a Winchester as he tries to make himself feel safer. Dean's broad view is that of a watchful guardian, frustrated but faithful to his job of protecting his brother.
This coincides with what I've read in John's Journal. In that first season, Dean faced all of Sam's oddities and was honest about them to himself, to Sam, and to their Dad. It didn't help John to see them, though; even in the journal he writes repeatedly that he doesn't see how Sam is different, just can't believe it. Also in the journal, we find out that Sam started shrugging Dean off months before he left for Stanford. He took away Dean's chosen purpose - and he did it right at a time when Dean realized he couldn't just acquiesce and move on to his second or third choice, he was too deep in the family business with Dad to get back out. Sam was Dean's life, but Dean wasn't Sam's life. There was a lot of resentment where they each felt the other was holding him back, but they never really addressed it.
The same thing applied in the second year. The mission, "Save Sam or Kill Him" was a success for Dean because, even though he initially failed and Sam was murdered, he ultimately redeemed himself and succeeded. True to form, Dean gave up everything he had to bring Sam back. The biggest change here was that now Sam felt responsible for Dean the way that Dean always had for him. To Sam, not only did he fail to stay alive without becoming something worth killing, then he died and put Dean in the position of saving him. Again, one result with opposite but equally true conclusions.
In the third year, there's still a rift. Now that Sam has caught up with Dean's view of life, Dean's has changed. He is so happy that Sam is back that he doesn't want anything to overshadow his victory. So Dean goes into a steady rhythm of blinding himself to the disconcerting changes in Sam and to his own impending death. Dean was adopting John's way: toughing it out, not believing until he sees it and then steadfastly refusing to see it when it's staring him in the face. That theme of blindness and belief regarding demons and Sam and God were passed down to Dean; and the tone of Dean's remarks deepens with each level of denial that he goes through each year. It's not that Dean can't see it, it's that he doesn't want to. When someone denies something hard enough and long enough, they are trying to make it not true. They are making themselves blind to it out of fear and self-preservation, but it backfires: becoming blind to the dangers that trail them in the shadows.
"Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
- Frank Outlaw
When you're born, the dominoes are set up to fall down. You can follow along, you can expound with rhetoric, you can choose not to watch. Or... you can remove one domino. But which one?
My brain, she is a broken with the thinkiness.
I can see Sam following in Dean's footsteps, still; a year behind in all of Dean's reactions. And I see their patience with each other, even though they may not really understand the others reasoning, even though it comes to blows sometimes. I can't wait for them to be on the same page because then? Watch out! :)
Season Two: about who saves who and when and how you could possibly decide to kill or not to kill something if you are constantly questioning what evil really is.
I got to re-thinking that last Shell Game meta. I think I was being one-sided in my focus.
The mission that the first year to Sam was, "Find Dad", in the way that the post implied: tracking Dad down. But for Dean the mission was really more like, "Stay alive long enough to be reunited with Dad". If you look at it that way, the mission was a success. Dean was successful in his mind. Sam was a failure in his mind. One result with opposite, and equally true, conclusions.
The different viewpoints about the mission echoed the rift that drove them apart as teenagers: Sam is basically proactive and Dean is basically reactive. Sam is clinging to the world, but it's a narrow view of reality for a Winchester as he tries to make himself feel safer. Dean's broad view is that of a watchful guardian, frustrated but faithful to his job of protecting his brother.
This coincides with what I've read in John's Journal. In that first season, Dean faced all of Sam's oddities and was honest about them to himself, to Sam, and to their Dad. It didn't help John to see them, though; even in the journal he writes repeatedly that he doesn't see how Sam is different, just can't believe it. Also in the journal, we find out that Sam started shrugging Dean off months before he left for Stanford. He took away Dean's chosen purpose - and he did it right at a time when Dean realized he couldn't just acquiesce and move on to his second or third choice, he was too deep in the family business with Dad to get back out. Sam was Dean's life, but Dean wasn't Sam's life. There was a lot of resentment where they each felt the other was holding him back, but they never really addressed it.
The same thing applied in the second year. The mission, "Save Sam or Kill Him" was a success for Dean because, even though he initially failed and Sam was murdered, he ultimately redeemed himself and succeeded. True to form, Dean gave up everything he had to bring Sam back. The biggest change here was that now Sam felt responsible for Dean the way that Dean always had for him. To Sam, not only did he fail to stay alive without becoming something worth killing, then he died and put Dean in the position of saving him. Again, one result with opposite but equally true conclusions.
In the third year, there's still a rift. Now that Sam has caught up with Dean's view of life, Dean's has changed. He is so happy that Sam is back that he doesn't want anything to overshadow his victory. So Dean goes into a steady rhythm of blinding himself to the disconcerting changes in Sam and to his own impending death. Dean was adopting John's way: toughing it out, not believing until he sees it and then steadfastly refusing to see it when it's staring him in the face. That theme of blindness and belief regarding demons and Sam and God were passed down to Dean; and the tone of Dean's remarks deepens with each level of denial that he goes through each year. It's not that Dean can't see it, it's that he doesn't want to. When someone denies something hard enough and long enough, they are trying to make it not true. They are making themselves blind to it out of fear and self-preservation, but it backfires: becoming blind to the dangers that trail them in the shadows.
"Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
- Frank Outlaw
When you're born, the dominoes are set up to fall down. You can follow along, you can expound with rhetoric, you can choose not to watch. Or... you can remove one domino. But which one?
My brain, she is a broken with the thinkiness.
I can see Sam following in Dean's footsteps, still; a year behind in all of Dean's reactions. And I see their patience with each other, even though they may not really understand the others reasoning, even though it comes to blows sometimes. I can't wait for them to be on the same page because then? Watch out! :)