I'M BACK... BAD OR GOOD, I DON'T KNOW

[black_cat_1980]

Well, it looks like I’m back here again after a few months absence. Not necessary easy months where I didn’t need to write anything down though. Since my last journal entry I was struggling for things to write. I didn’t want to go over old stuff really.

And so I start writing again, with a little reluctance but here. My thought processes are

Comments

[cvisors]

*hugs* was worried about you.

take care and stuffs

~Ivy

[mon462]

I was really worried about you also. Catherine sounds like a wonderful person. *hugs*

[innerlife_]

I feel for you. I have some inkling of how tough your decision is, having fought through it myself over the last couple years. (I've ended up transitioning.) One of the main techniques I used to think it through was to pose hypothetical/analytical questions and see what I could extrapolate about my supposed "true" feelings. For example...

--
It strikes me as significant that you don't want your appearance to revert. What does that tell you about your ideal appearance/presentation? Can you learn anything from that?

Same with your reawakening masculine libido; you clearly have feelings on that. How does it make you feel? Does that significantly impact your emotional state? For good or bad? How would you like it to be different?
--

I also felt an outsider among women. But I found that my self-conception and sense of fitting-in changed as I continued with the process of questioning and exploring and even HRT. Before I felt like a pretender; now I don't. Keep in mind that these feelings can change over time.

I hope your find your

[lala_annie]

I'm going through confusing feelings around hormones right now too. After spending time around queer-positive amazing people I feel less like I need or desire hormones. Then I go back to the rest of the world and the desire for them comes back strong. I also feel very little in common with most men.