Sugar and Pepper (37)
THIRTY-SIX
* THIRTY-SEVEN *
01.
In the evening the day before he was to leave, Satoshi finally forced himself up in order to pack. He knelt next to his suitcase on the floor and couldn't decide what to take with him. His father had told him to bring only a few things, that he would buy the other things he needed there, but Satoshi was not sure what few things his father meant. From the corner of his eye, he saw someone pass the open doorway of the bedroom and he quickly turned.
"Jun?"
No one answered him.
Satoshi stood and went into the hall. He saw that the person had gone into the bathroom. He slowly approached and saw his brother bent over the sink washing his face. Jun had returned from his friend's house. Somewhat relieved, Satoshi thought about calling out his brother's name again, but he didn't. He didn't actually know what to say. Silently, he waited in the hall and although he knew his brother noticed him, Jun did not turn to address his presence.
02.
Dinner was uncomfortable and Jun left as early as he could. Satoshi regretfully watched him leave. He listened to his mother's concerns and warnings in silence, wishing he also had a place to run to.
03.
"Jun."
At the door of their bedroom, Satoshi stopped and called him.
Jun sat at his desk with his back to the door. He turned when Satoshi called his name, looked his brother once over without showing any expression on his face, and turned back to complete his homework. "Either come in and close the door or get out," he mumbled, uninterested.
Satoshi chose to enter.
He settled on the floor next to his still empty suitcase and silently stared at Jun's back. Just once more, he wished his brother would turn and look at him again.
It didn't happen.
When he finished, Jun packed his work and dived into bed without once acknowledging that Satoshi was there. He pulled the bed covers over himself and ordered, "Turn off the lights when you're ready to go to bed." It could have been said to anyone. He faced the wall and went to sleep.
04.
In the middle of the night, Satoshi crawled over to Jun's side in the dark and touched the side of his brother's face. He could just barely make out Jun's features.
"Jun, did you really mean it?" he asked softly.
His brother continued to sleep soundly, unaware of his question.
Satoshi choked on a sob. He bit his lower lip. He didn't want to wake Jun up.
If he could only ask one question that Jun would answer, Satoshi wanted to know if his brother still love him.
05.
Before the sun rose, Satoshi woke and took his handbag with what little stuff he had decided to take with him.
Mr. Matsumoto poke his head in through the door. "You ready?"
He nodded.
"Come downstairs. Your mother made sandwiches so we wouldn't be hungry." His stepfather beckoned and left.
Satoshi turned to look back at Jun, still fast asleep in bed. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but had nothing to say. Finally, he went out and closed their bedroom door firmly shut behind him.
06.
The voices downstairs died down. Mr. Matsumoto and Satoshi had left.
In bed Jun shifted on his other side so he faced the open area where Satoshi usually slept on the floor on his futon. The stretch of empty space appeared bottomless in the darkness. He stared at the floor and in silence he waited for the sun to rise.
* *
THIRTY-EIGHT
* THIRTY-SEVEN *
01.
In the evening the day before he was to leave, Satoshi finally forced himself up in order to pack. He knelt next to his suitcase on the floor and couldn't decide what to take with him. His father had told him to bring only a few things, that he would buy the other things he needed there, but Satoshi was not sure what few things his father meant. From the corner of his eye, he saw someone pass the open doorway of the bedroom and he quickly turned.
"Jun?"
No one answered him.
Satoshi stood and went into the hall. He saw that the person had gone into the bathroom. He slowly approached and saw his brother bent over the sink washing his face. Jun had returned from his friend's house. Somewhat relieved, Satoshi thought about calling out his brother's name again, but he didn't. He didn't actually know what to say. Silently, he waited in the hall and although he knew his brother noticed him, Jun did not turn to address his presence.
02.
Dinner was uncomfortable and Jun left as early as he could. Satoshi regretfully watched him leave. He listened to his mother's concerns and warnings in silence, wishing he also had a place to run to.
03.
"Jun."
At the door of their bedroom, Satoshi stopped and called him.
Jun sat at his desk with his back to the door. He turned when Satoshi called his name, looked his brother once over without showing any expression on his face, and turned back to complete his homework. "Either come in and close the door or get out," he mumbled, uninterested.
Satoshi chose to enter.
He settled on the floor next to his still empty suitcase and silently stared at Jun's back. Just once more, he wished his brother would turn and look at him again.
It didn't happen.
When he finished, Jun packed his work and dived into bed without once acknowledging that Satoshi was there. He pulled the bed covers over himself and ordered, "Turn off the lights when you're ready to go to bed." It could have been said to anyone. He faced the wall and went to sleep.
04.
In the middle of the night, Satoshi crawled over to Jun's side in the dark and touched the side of his brother's face. He could just barely make out Jun's features.
"Jun, did you really mean it?" he asked softly.
His brother continued to sleep soundly, unaware of his question.
Satoshi choked on a sob. He bit his lower lip. He didn't want to wake Jun up.
If he could only ask one question that Jun would answer, Satoshi wanted to know if his brother still love him.
05.
Before the sun rose, Satoshi woke and took his handbag with what little stuff he had decided to take with him.
Mr. Matsumoto poke his head in through the door. "You ready?"
He nodded.
"Come downstairs. Your mother made sandwiches so we wouldn't be hungry." His stepfather beckoned and left.
Satoshi turned to look back at Jun, still fast asleep in bed. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but had nothing to say. Finally, he went out and closed their bedroom door firmly shut behind him.
06.
The voices downstairs died down. Mr. Matsumoto and Satoshi had left.
In bed Jun shifted on his other side so he faced the open area where Satoshi usually slept on the floor on his futon. The stretch of empty space appeared bottomless in the darkness. He stared at the floor and in silence he waited for the sun to rise.
* *
THIRTY-EIGHT