13 - Five Ways to Seduce Kim Jonghyun
Title: Five Ways to Seduce Kim Jonghyun
Rating: PG-13 (some cursing from Kibum)
Pairing/Focus: Kibum/Jonghyun, Eunsook/Minho, hints of 91 line
Summary: Kibum had decided that the quickest way to Jonghyun’s heart was through his baking. And so he planned his course of attack. Also his grocery list.
Note: Gift for my qt dongsaeng carmenek. Also I spent way too much time at my local bakery because of this.
Kibum's life turned into a rom-com on a Thursday evening. It was almost poetic, how the universe decided to mess with him. Kibum had fallen out of like with his latest crush and had declared that he was done with complicated romances and men in general. With the exception of Taemin oo-ing and aah-ing absently over Kibum’s latest tirade, it started with very little fanfare and absolutely no dance number.
"Honestly, this is the perfect time to shower myself with self love," ranted Kibum as he violently channel surfed. Taemin sat beside him, half asleep, crunching away on a large bowl of cereal. "Who needs Choi Minho anyways? I hope Eunsook crushes him with her thighs. That will teach him to toy with Kim Kibum's emotions."
Kibum finished his last statement with a dramatic flourish, nearly knocking Taemin’s bowl out of his hands and onto the floor. Taemin had anticipated this and dodged, saving his bowl of now sugary milk. Kibum shrunk into himself a bit at the near accident, but continued clenching and unclenching his hands in apparent continued distaste over Minho.
After a few minutes of Kibum stewing angrily, Taemin decided that he needed to intervene.
“So your new neighbor is really hot,” Taemin said nonchalantly, interrupting Kibum’s latest rant about how Minho’s chest wasn’t that muscular or that perfect. He flashed a devious smile at Kibum, cheeks round and playful. “Has a six pack and the poutiest lips.” Taemin leaned in, to the point where Kibum could smell the artificial food coloring in his breath.”I give you a week and you’ll be all over him.”
“Get out!”
-
Kibum doesn’t even last the rest of the day.
After Taemin had left Kibum’s apartment, undoubtedly to raid Amber’s flat, Kibum had decided to be productive and bake. Originally a casual hobby, baking had become a large part of Kibum’s life. He was always trying new recipes,improving upon old ones, and testing any new projects on an always willing Taemin. Kibum found baking extremely cathartic; the act of sifting, measuring, and improvising sung to his fastidious and creative side. He had just finished taking out his gateau basque when there was a knock on his door.
“Just a minute!” he shouted, pausing to wipe his hands on a kitchen towel. He double checked his stove to ensure that it was off and that his cake was safely cooling on the counter before going to open the door. In the back of his mind he wondered if it could be Minho, begging for him to take him back. Kibum cackled at the thought, mood instantly lifted. He opened the door, half expecting Taemin on his doorstep sheepishly asking if Kibum had seen his phone, half hoping it’d be Minho on his knees. He got neither. Kibum had opened the door and found a very attractive man on his doorstep.
“Hey,” said the man. He moved to give Kibum a small wave, his shirt stretching across a very fit torso. Kibum tried very hard to not stare. At least not subtly stare. “I moved in next door and thought to swing by and say hi. So hi. I’m Jonghyun.” He smiled widely, face lighting up.
Taemin was one of many things; He was pain in the ass, a soft spot in Kibum’s heart, a liar even when he feels like it, but he was definitely not lying about Kibum’s new neighbor. His very hot new neighbor.
“Hey--hi I’m Kibum,” said Kibum.. He smiled, silently cursing the universe and his sudden nerves. “Nice to meet you. So...you’re new here?” he finished lamely.
Kibum was also one of many things. Most would describe him as charming, witty, and even comfortably confident. After all, his nickname was Almighty Key from the beginning of elementary school to now at his office. He was almost never this tongue tied and almost always quick on his feet in any situation.
Unless said situation involved a visit from an attractive stranger with a beautiful smile that happened to live next to him. That threw him for a loop.
“Yeah,” began Jonghyun. He tilted his head confusedly at Kibum, eyes crinkling in a way that could break a thousand hearts. “I just moved in today, thought to come by and introduce myself to you, since I guess we’re the only two people that live on this floor.”
“Right,” said Kibum. He struggled to find something else to say, something to do with his hands, but couldn’t focus beyond the mole that peeked out from the low v of Jonghyun’s shirt. He settled for crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame, in hopes of seeming casual. Jonghyun was still awkwardly standing on his doorstep, and Kibum was very much standing directly in the doorway, arms now crossed, not painting a very friendly or neighborly picture.
“Hey, so it was nice meeting you,” said Jonghyun. He put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his feet. “I need to head back, and you know, unpack the rest of my stuff.”
“It’s nice meeting you too, see you around?”
“See you around!” said Jonghyun. He turned to head back towards his new apartment when he stopped and sniffed the air, nose scrunched inquisitively. “Your apartment smells nice, are you a baker?” commented Jonghyun. He sounded hopeful.
“Only to share with people,” replied Kibum. He finally managed to uncross his arms, and instead clutched the door with more force than he needed. He nodded to himself and forced his eyes to look at Jonghyun’s face instead of, well, his everything else. Like his chest through that tight shirt. Jonghyun smiled back, mouth lopsided and so handsome. “If you’re interested I can bring something over one day…”
“Well Kibum, I will definitely welcome you with open arms,” said Jonghyun. He giggled and wandered back to his apartment, opening the door and leaving with a friendly wave.
Kibum closed the door and leaned against it, eyes wide, heart beating just a beat faster than normal. “Oh my god,” breathed Kibum. He felt like crying. “Oh my--his chest--he was--nipping out. Absolutely no ass but that smile those eyes.”
-
The next couple of days, Kibum was in a daze. He was a madman, his thoughts consumed with thoughts of Jonghyun. He wondered what Jonghyun’s backstory was, how he liked his coffee, how he would react if he learned that Kibum might have nearly burned down the apartment complex because he saw Jonghyun jogging around the block without a shirt.
In the end, Kibum decided that the quickest way to Jonghyun’s heart was through his baking. And so he planned his course of attack. Also his grocery list.
-
On Sunday morning, Kibum knocked on Jonghyun’s door. After a full episode of planning, shopping, baking, and finally primping, Kibum was ready to make his first move.
In his hands was a small carefully wrapped package of white powdered cakes - Russian Tea Cakes. It was simple treat, yet not too simple as a chocolate chip cookie and nothing ridiculously elaborate as a cake. Kibum’s tea cakes were always a hit -- most of his past boyfriends or crushes enjoyed them over coffee or tea, and Kibum thought it’d be a good move to possibly segue into an actual coffee date.
Kibum smiled widely for a moment, ready to woo Jonghyun off his feet before quickly deciding against it. He had previously employed that tactic on Hyeongsup once, and the model only found him creepily cheerful. Also endearing and a total babe, as Hyeongsup had later explained, but creepy nevertheless.
Kibum waited, holding his breath slightly to see if there was life on the other side. After a few moments, Kibum left and went back to his apartment, dejected.
It wasn’t until later that Jonghyun returned home, with an older woman coming up behind him with boxes and boxes of packaged food in their arms. His mother.
Kibum watched as Jonghyun’s mother pinched her son’s cheek, the same crinkle eyed smile gracing her features as she tenderly smoothed his hair and pulled at his clothes. And Jonghyun let her, laughing at something his mom said as he fumbled for his keys, still unfamiliar with the new addition to his key ring.
They left again soon after and Jonghyun never came back. Kibum ended up sharing the tea cakes with his coworkers.
---
Kibum was never a quitter, so after his brief bout of self-doubt on Sunday, he decided to try again. This time with something more elaborate - strawberry shortcake. Everyone loved strawberry shortcake - it was both delicious and romantic, perfect for capturing Jonghyun’s attention. At least, that’s what Kibum had hoped. This time he made sure the light was on in Jonghyun’s apartment when he returned home from work before he started baking.
Taemin and Eunsook came over to keep him company and as volunteer taste testers. Kibum had initially assured them that he didn’t need them eating his hard work because strawberry shortcake was easy. In the end, Eunsook had wheedled him down with potential gossip over Minho’s latest failures in trying to woo her. Taemin just showed up.
“And so, then Minho decided to bring me yet another bouquet of roses,” she said as she cut a strawberry in half. She tsked at Taemin, who was washing strawberries, to hand her another one.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to cut the strawberries or sift or something?” asked Taemin. He handed her two more.
“No,” said both Kibum and Eunsook in unison.
“But washing strawberries is is so easy and boring, can’t I do something else?.”
“Said the idiot that tried to wash them with dish soap,” said Kibum. He rolled his eyes from where he was sifting the flour mixture. Taemin pouted but kept quiet. “Anyways, Minho bouquet of roses…?”
“He tried with another bouquet of roses,” said Eunsook. They had finished with the strawberries and now Taemin was just lounging on the table, watching Kibum mix heavy cream into his batter. She carefully gathered the leftover strawberry stems and put them into Kibum’s little compost bin before joining Taemin at the table. “And I’m just like, Minho. You got the girl, somehow, stop being such a try-hard.”
Taemin snickered and pointed at Kibum.
“If Minho-hyung is a try-hard, then what does that make Kibum-hyung?”
“Yah!”
-
After another hour, the shortcakes were ready and packaged. Kibum had once again had spent an agonizing amount of ensuring that his hair was perfectly swept and clothes were cute and casual, but not too casual to be considered sloppy. After another trip to the bathroom to primp, both Eunsook and Taemin had kicked him out of the apartment.
“That whipped cream won’t hold if you decide to change your outfit again,” said Eunsook as gave him the box full of shortcake. “Go! Go feed this to him. With your mouth or whatever.”
“Yeah hyung!” said Taemin with his mouth full. He gave Kibum a thumbs up. “With your mouth on his dick!” Eunsook made a face at Taemin but continued shooing Kibum out the door.
And that was how Kibum found himself in front of Jonghyun’s door on. He knocked, half fantasizing about Jonghyun showing up shirtless and beautiful. He’d invite him in with bedroom eyes to taste the whipped cream--
Kibum shook his head to clear him of the thoughts. He could already feel his face flush at the thought of a shirtless Jonghyun. If a tight t-shirt could drive him into a baking frenzy, who knows what a bare chest could do.
The door opened and Jonghyun peered out, dumbbell in hand. He squinted, hiding behind the door before realizing it was Kibum. “Hey!” he said as he opened the door. “What’s up?”
Today Jonghyun was dressed in a simple pair of sweatpants and a tank top. He had a small flush to his face and a light sheen of sweat dotting his chest. Kibum blanked for a few moments, forgetting why he was on Jonghyun’s doorstep in the first place.
“Oh, uh,” he began. “I uh got bored tonight, and did some baking. It’s only a cake, nothing too difficult. But I thought of you.” He held out the box and looked at the spot behind Jonghyun’s shoulder.
“Oh wow,” said Jonghyun. He took the box and grinned. “Thank you, I can’t wait to try this I’m a--strawberry?”
“What?”
-
“Oh my god,” whined Kibum. He rolled on his couch, defeated. “I could have sworn the strawberry shortcake was going to win his heart! How am I supposed to know the guy is allergic to strawberries?!”
“There, there,” said Eunsook. She manhandled Kibum so that he was sitting up again and spooned a small bite of shortcake to Kibum’s mouth.
“Yeah at least you tried!” said Taemin. “You just failed, that’s all.”
Kibum sobbed and buried his face into Eunsook’s bosom.
--
After going through most Wednesday in a cloud of self-imposed pity and self-doubt, Kibum decided that it was not worth it and set out to get Jonghyun’s attention yet again. Besides, he had stocked up on many, many eggs, and he felt that he needed to do something with them.
Which was why on Thursday night, Kibum was painstakingly putting the finishing touches of a tiramisu cake. He yawned, the late nights and hours at the office finally catching up with him.
“There,” he said. As he stood back and let out another big yawn. “You had to refrigerate overnight but Jonghyun is going to love you. And me.”
---
Kibum normally would have spent more time on his hair and clothes, but he was far too tired to go through his usual beauty and packaging regime. this time Kibum just touched up his hair and put a large slice of tiramisu in a tupperware. He knocked on the door, and checked to make sure that Jonghyun’s lights were still on; he was still awake.
Jonghyun answered the door, this time thankfully clothed in a large sweater and jeans. He looked so cuddly and comfortable that Kibum wanted to lay down on him. But he stopped himself, that would be uncalled for, as he found out the hard way through Dongwoon.
“Oh hey Kibum!” said Jonghyun. He looked happy to see him.. He leaned against the doorway, body relaxed. “What can I do for you?”
“Hi Jonghyun-hyung,” said Kibum. He forced himself to look into Jonghyun’s eyes and felt his knees weaken just a bit. “I uh, felt bad about the strawberry shortcake, but I made some tiramisu today for fun and thought to make it up to you.” He held out the box and opened it, showing the tiramisu to Jonghyun.
“Oh wow!” said Jonghyun. He stared at the tiramisu, eyes glazed over, looking ridiculously excited like a small child. Or a dog. “This looks great--thank you! Wow I love tiramisu I--” he interrupted himself with a big yawn.
At Kibum’s puzzled expression, it was Jonghyun’s turn to look sheepish. “Hey sorry, I am really, really tired and the coffee---” Kibum nodded, suddenly fidgety. His mind ran through many scenarios, growing more and more anxious and wondering if Jonghyun was somehow allergic to coffee. Or hated coffee or hated Kibum for constantly bothering him with cake. Kibum was so wrapped up in his own panic that he didn’t hear what Jonghyun said.
“Sorry, can you say that again?” babbled Kibum. “I kind of spaced out, long day for me too haha. Ha.”
“Oh no, I--” and Jonghyun yawned again, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “It’s just that I have insomnia and haven’t been sleeping very well. But, I really, really want to try your tiramisu! But caffeine really affects me and I can’t go through another day at work half asleep.”
“Oh,” said Kibum. Now he felt stupid, and slightly annoyed at Jonghyun. He was making it very difficult and expensive for Kibum to woo. He could feel himself growing disheartened. Maybe Jonghyun was just not interested. Kibum did learn that the hard way with Woohyun, and even Minho’s friend, Kyuhyun.
“But, you went through all this effort, I absolutely promise to try it first thing in the morning!” chirped Jonghyun. He nodded and then smiled at Kibum, cheeks rosy and eyes round. Just like a puppy. “But thank you, Kibummie.”
And Kibum knew he was sucked back in again, falling even deeper in like. He was fucked. He nodded and lingered at his doorway, wanting the moment to last longer, until Jonghyun sent him off with another sleepy grin and a wave.
“He called me Kibummie.”
--
The next morning Kibum found the tupperware on his doorstep. It was cleaned, but filled with cherry tomatoes and a note.
I couldn’t help myself and tried your tiramisu and it was so good~ but then I couldn’t help myself and ate another bite, and another and another…you had to go tempt me so late at night! Bad!! ㅋㅋㅋ
Anyways, it’s not proper to return empty tupperware, so please take these tomatoes from my mom’s garden as a thank you. You do like tomatoes, right? Right??
~Jonghyun
PS I hope it’s okay that I call you Kibummie, please let me know if you don’t like it. You can call me Jonghyun ㅠㅠㅠ
-
“How is he is so perfect?!” wailed Kibum as he flopped into his bed face down. After a few more moments of going over Jonghyun’s everything, he went to text anyone who would listen.
“There, there,” responded Eunsook over chat. She sent him a sticker of a dancing sheep.
-
The next few days were busy for Kibum. His office was wrapping up a large project and his entire team was practically working night, day and weekends to make their deadline. It was so busy that he couldn’t bake for Jonghyun, but it didn’t stop him from noticing the other man.
He and Jonghyun had become closer after the tiramisu-tomato exchange. He’d stop by and give Kibum kimchi made by his mom, or make friendly chatter while at the mailbox together. It was sweet, it caused butterflies to float in Kibum’s throat, and it also caused him immense frustration because he wasn’t sure if Jonghyun was interested or just naturally friendly.
“Taemin, he is so beautiful,” gushed Kibum as he packed his bag for another long day in the office. “He wore a button up shirt the today and his smile makes me...and his shoulders...and those arms. Did I mention he called me Kibummie?!”
“Kibum--” began Taemin.
“And get this, Jonghyun is a musician!” continued Kibum. He had finished packing his bags and slid into bed. He sighed, fanning himself, getting caught up in his own excitement. He could feel the aches in his joints from too many hours at the keyboard, and the calm lull of sleep tugging at his eyes, but he was too wrapped up in his own tired manic energy to stop. “He told me when we ran into each other at the mailbox, and his voice is so beautiful! I just want to wrap myself around it like a scarf!”
Taemin gave up and went silent. He chuckled as he heard Kibum breathe softly over the phone, already fast asleep.
“You really like him don’t you?”
-
“I think Kibum needs an intervention.”
“Oh? He’s so into Jonghyun-hyung though, it’s cute.”
“Yeah, but I think it’s getting out of hand. He sent me a text waxing poetry about the mole on Jonghyun’s chest.”
“Right. Right. And don’t get me started on his plan on stealing his mail to get closer to him.”
“That’s illegal.”
“Wait really? Ok maybe we need to do something. But I don’t want to die…”
“I have an idea…”
-
“Today is going to be the day!” yelled Kibum. He threw his sheet pans and package of almond flour on the table. The noise causing both Eunsook and Taemin to wince. “Saturday is the day where Jonghyun is going to fall in love with me!”
“...and how are you going to do that?” asked Eunsook, although timidly. She had never seen Kibum so fired up and wasn’t sure what to do. Even Taemin looked worried.
“Macarons!” sang Kibum. He opened the package of flour slowly, like it was a real prize, and continued chanting, eyes manic. “Macaron! Macaron! Macaron!”
“I”m leaving,” said Taemin quickly. He grabbed his coat and made way to the door, leaving his phone on the kitchen table.
“I need to go too --I think Minho needs me,” said Eunsook hastily. She brushed her long hair aside, and cast a worried look at Kibum. Her round eyes softened with concern and fear. “Best of luck ‘Bum--”
“No you can’t leave,” pouted Kibum. He had put down the bag of almond flour and walked towards them with a whisk in his hand and a knife in the other. “I need you. For both moral support and to help me make these things.”
Taemin looked at Eunsook eyes fearful. Eunsook nodded, eyes hardening in that one way that made it hard to disagree with, the look that Kibum had once dubbed her “angry parent” look.
It was quiet in the apartment, besides the small electrical sounds of the oven warming up, and Taemin breathing noisily. Eunsook made the first move.
“Kibum honey,” she said in a soothing tone. She took measured steps across the kitchen threshold to take the knife and whisk out of his hands. After she was sure that Kibum was properly confused and not suspicious, she moved a few paces away,
And in a flash, Taemin had swept a hand across the counter and knocked over Kibum’s bag of almond flour. All over the kitchen floor.
“Oops,” said Taemin. He was breathing even louder now, face pale and terrified over the thought of Kibum’s wrath. .
“Oh-fuck--Taemin!” shrieked Kibum. He tugged at his hair before diving to the ground in hopes of salvaging the flour.. “This shit is expensive--! How could you, you clumsy child?!”
“Hey, do you know what would be a great idea?” said Taemin raising his voice over Kibum’s cursing. He grabbed Kibum’s arm, careful to keep his distance so that Kibum doesn’t try to injure him.
“You should ask Jonghyun, yes Jonghyun if he has any almond flour,” cried Eunsook as she latched herself on his other arm and dragged both Kibum and Taemin out the kitchen.
“Why, that is a charming idea Eunsook, why didn’t I think of that?” yelled Taemin. He grabbed the doorknob and opened Kibum’s front door.
And that was how Kibum had found himself forced out of his own apartment.
“What makes you think Jonghyun would have almond flour?” Kibum wailed over the sounds of a deadbolt clicking in place. He petulantly kicked at his own door.
“We love you! But please just go ask Jonghyun if he has almond flour!”
“We’re cleaning up the mess now, and we’re very very sorry!”
“Fuck you!”
Kibum was livid. He kicked his door a few more times before stopping. His foot was starting to hurt. How could they? He considered Eunsook and Taemin his closest friends. They were there for him through thick and thin.
Taemin had been there for when Kibum first moved into town, taking him to see the sights and cafe hopping with an infectious smile and a lifetime of pointless stories. Eunsook was there when Kibum had landed his first grown-up job; she had brought over a bottle of nice wine and had taught him two more variations on how to tie a tie. They were both there when Kibum had a break up - Hyeongsup, Dongwoon, Woohyun, all of them. They understand him.
And that’s when Kibum realized it. They do understand him, how he gets. Eunsook and Taemin have been there for him through every large and small event, through every crush and subsequent break-up. They understand how roundabout and elaborate Kibum’s plans could be, how he could save himself many weeks of anxiety and psyching himself out by just being direct with his feelings and asking the poor guy out.
Kibum, however, was stubborn. He knew they were trying to help, and that he should be more direct with his feelings towards Jonghyun, but he also wanted to properly kick their asses first.
“C’mon guys,” he said sweetly. Kibum tried the doorknob again. Still locked. “I promise I won’t kill you for knocking the flour over and locking me out, just let me in.”
“Is everything okay?” a voice asked. Jonghyun’s voice.
Kibum turned around, and blushed. Jonghyun was standing right behind him looking terribly amused. He was returning from his scheduled gym visit on Saturdays, something Kibum memorized much too quickly, and Kibum wanted to cry over how good he looked with his tousled semi-wet hair and tank top.
“Do you have any almond flour”? Kibum began. At Jonghyun’s confused stare he grew nervous and started rambling. “Um, my friends are assholes. I wanted to make some macarons today, but they knocked over the bag of flour and then locked me out of my apartment.”
“Why did they do that? Ah--” Jonghyun caught himself, looking downwards sheepishly. “That’s between you guys,” he said quietly. He watched amused as Kibum kicked the door once more. “And no, I don’t have any almond flour--”
“Yeah, I figured, the only reason why I have it is to make macarons for you, and maybe some gluten free cookies for my friend Amber,” interrupted Kibum as he tried the doorknob again. One of these days he needs to take his spare key from Taemin and transfer it to Woohyun, someone more reliable and less traitorous. Woohyun, albeit a huge flirt, knew his boundaries on what would piss Kibum off and what would not. He was smart enough to not dare do this to him in the first place.
“But,” continued Jonghyun, amusement evident in his voice. “I wouldn’t mind taking you to the store and buying some.
“I don’t have my wallet,” said Kibum stupidly, not understanding what was happening. And then he gasped, aware of what he had accidentally blurted out.. Was Jonghyun asking him out? Did Jonghyun even notice Kibum’s slip of tongue?
“It’ll be my treat.” said Jonghyun. He reached out to rest a warm hand on Kibum’s elbow. “But in return, maybe we can bake the macarons, together?” he asked. Jonghyun’s voice had dropped to a lone sweet tone as he glanced at Kibum and bit his lip, looking adorably shy.
“I would really like that,” said Kibum. Now it was his turn to grin, widely, happily. Kibum shuffled his feet nervously, deciding to be bold for once in his life and take charge. “And maybe if we get tired of baking we can grab lunch?”
Jonghyun grinned, looking very happy. And in the past week where Kibum had fantasized and planned for his first date with Jonghyun, he had never expected it to go this well or for Jonghyun to be this receptive.
“I’d like that. I’d really, really like that.”
-
Bonus:
“Kibummie, you have raspberry jam on your face,” said Jonghyun. He laughed as Kibum mock glared at him. After a while, his guffaw had softened Kibum’s glare to a small smile.
“Well, if someone wasn’t horsing around with my spatula, I wouldn’t be covered in jam,” said Kibum dramatically. “Taemin ate so much of my jam, I don’t know how that kid does it, did he just stick his face in the jar or something--
“Kibummie can I?” interrupted Jonghyun.
“Can you what?”
Kibum’s eyes widened as Jonghyun leaned over and kissed him. He moved away and continued lathering jam on a macaron cookie, pretending to be nonchalant but the stupid grin on his face gave him away.
“Nothing. I’ve just been wanting to do that ever since you showed up on my doorstep with the strawberry shortcake, but I didn’t want to weird you out or anything--”
Kibum stopped Jonghyun’s rambling by pulling him in for another kiss.
“Shut up.”
Rating: PG-13 (some cursing from Kibum)
Pairing/Focus: Kibum/Jonghyun, Eunsook/Minho, hints of 91 line
Summary: Kibum had decided that the quickest way to Jonghyun’s heart was through his baking. And so he planned his course of attack. Also his grocery list.
Note: Gift for my qt dongsaeng carmenek. Also I spent way too much time at my local bakery because of this.
Kibum's life turned into a rom-com on a Thursday evening. It was almost poetic, how the universe decided to mess with him. Kibum had fallen out of like with his latest crush and had declared that he was done with complicated romances and men in general. With the exception of Taemin oo-ing and aah-ing absently over Kibum’s latest tirade, it started with very little fanfare and absolutely no dance number.
"Honestly, this is the perfect time to shower myself with self love," ranted Kibum as he violently channel surfed. Taemin sat beside him, half asleep, crunching away on a large bowl of cereal. "Who needs Choi Minho anyways? I hope Eunsook crushes him with her thighs. That will teach him to toy with Kim Kibum's emotions."
Kibum finished his last statement with a dramatic flourish, nearly knocking Taemin’s bowl out of his hands and onto the floor. Taemin had anticipated this and dodged, saving his bowl of now sugary milk. Kibum shrunk into himself a bit at the near accident, but continued clenching and unclenching his hands in apparent continued distaste over Minho.
After a few minutes of Kibum stewing angrily, Taemin decided that he needed to intervene.
“So your new neighbor is really hot,” Taemin said nonchalantly, interrupting Kibum’s latest rant about how Minho’s chest wasn’t that muscular or that perfect. He flashed a devious smile at Kibum, cheeks round and playful. “Has a six pack and the poutiest lips.” Taemin leaned in, to the point where Kibum could smell the artificial food coloring in his breath.”I give you a week and you’ll be all over him.”
“Get out!”
-
Kibum doesn’t even last the rest of the day.
After Taemin had left Kibum’s apartment, undoubtedly to raid Amber’s flat, Kibum had decided to be productive and bake. Originally a casual hobby, baking had become a large part of Kibum’s life. He was always trying new recipes,improving upon old ones, and testing any new projects on an always willing Taemin. Kibum found baking extremely cathartic; the act of sifting, measuring, and improvising sung to his fastidious and creative side. He had just finished taking out his gateau basque when there was a knock on his door.
“Just a minute!” he shouted, pausing to wipe his hands on a kitchen towel. He double checked his stove to ensure that it was off and that his cake was safely cooling on the counter before going to open the door. In the back of his mind he wondered if it could be Minho, begging for him to take him back. Kibum cackled at the thought, mood instantly lifted. He opened the door, half expecting Taemin on his doorstep sheepishly asking if Kibum had seen his phone, half hoping it’d be Minho on his knees. He got neither. Kibum had opened the door and found a very attractive man on his doorstep.
“Hey,” said the man. He moved to give Kibum a small wave, his shirt stretching across a very fit torso. Kibum tried very hard to not stare. At least not subtly stare. “I moved in next door and thought to swing by and say hi. So hi. I’m Jonghyun.” He smiled widely, face lighting up.
Taemin was one of many things; He was pain in the ass, a soft spot in Kibum’s heart, a liar even when he feels like it, but he was definitely not lying about Kibum’s new neighbor. His very hot new neighbor.
“Hey--hi I’m Kibum,” said Kibum.. He smiled, silently cursing the universe and his sudden nerves. “Nice to meet you. So...you’re new here?” he finished lamely.
Kibum was also one of many things. Most would describe him as charming, witty, and even comfortably confident. After all, his nickname was Almighty Key from the beginning of elementary school to now at his office. He was almost never this tongue tied and almost always quick on his feet in any situation.
Unless said situation involved a visit from an attractive stranger with a beautiful smile that happened to live next to him. That threw him for a loop.
“Yeah,” began Jonghyun. He tilted his head confusedly at Kibum, eyes crinkling in a way that could break a thousand hearts. “I just moved in today, thought to come by and introduce myself to you, since I guess we’re the only two people that live on this floor.”
“Right,” said Kibum. He struggled to find something else to say, something to do with his hands, but couldn’t focus beyond the mole that peeked out from the low v of Jonghyun’s shirt. He settled for crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame, in hopes of seeming casual. Jonghyun was still awkwardly standing on his doorstep, and Kibum was very much standing directly in the doorway, arms now crossed, not painting a very friendly or neighborly picture.
“Hey, so it was nice meeting you,” said Jonghyun. He put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his feet. “I need to head back, and you know, unpack the rest of my stuff.”
“It’s nice meeting you too, see you around?”
“See you around!” said Jonghyun. He turned to head back towards his new apartment when he stopped and sniffed the air, nose scrunched inquisitively. “Your apartment smells nice, are you a baker?” commented Jonghyun. He sounded hopeful.
“Only to share with people,” replied Kibum. He finally managed to uncross his arms, and instead clutched the door with more force than he needed. He nodded to himself and forced his eyes to look at Jonghyun’s face instead of, well, his everything else. Like his chest through that tight shirt. Jonghyun smiled back, mouth lopsided and so handsome. “If you’re interested I can bring something over one day…”
“Well Kibum, I will definitely welcome you with open arms,” said Jonghyun. He giggled and wandered back to his apartment, opening the door and leaving with a friendly wave.
Kibum closed the door and leaned against it, eyes wide, heart beating just a beat faster than normal. “Oh my god,” breathed Kibum. He felt like crying. “Oh my--his chest--he was--nipping out. Absolutely no ass but that smile those eyes.”
-
The next couple of days, Kibum was in a daze. He was a madman, his thoughts consumed with thoughts of Jonghyun. He wondered what Jonghyun’s backstory was, how he liked his coffee, how he would react if he learned that Kibum might have nearly burned down the apartment complex because he saw Jonghyun jogging around the block without a shirt.
In the end, Kibum decided that the quickest way to Jonghyun’s heart was through his baking. And so he planned his course of attack. Also his grocery list.
-
On Sunday morning, Kibum knocked on Jonghyun’s door. After a full episode of planning, shopping, baking, and finally primping, Kibum was ready to make his first move.
In his hands was a small carefully wrapped package of white powdered cakes - Russian Tea Cakes. It was simple treat, yet not too simple as a chocolate chip cookie and nothing ridiculously elaborate as a cake. Kibum’s tea cakes were always a hit -- most of his past boyfriends or crushes enjoyed them over coffee or tea, and Kibum thought it’d be a good move to possibly segue into an actual coffee date.
Kibum smiled widely for a moment, ready to woo Jonghyun off his feet before quickly deciding against it. He had previously employed that tactic on Hyeongsup once, and the model only found him creepily cheerful. Also endearing and a total babe, as Hyeongsup had later explained, but creepy nevertheless.
Kibum waited, holding his breath slightly to see if there was life on the other side. After a few moments, Kibum left and went back to his apartment, dejected.
It wasn’t until later that Jonghyun returned home, with an older woman coming up behind him with boxes and boxes of packaged food in their arms. His mother.
Kibum watched as Jonghyun’s mother pinched her son’s cheek, the same crinkle eyed smile gracing her features as she tenderly smoothed his hair and pulled at his clothes. And Jonghyun let her, laughing at something his mom said as he fumbled for his keys, still unfamiliar with the new addition to his key ring.
They left again soon after and Jonghyun never came back. Kibum ended up sharing the tea cakes with his coworkers.
---
Kibum was never a quitter, so after his brief bout of self-doubt on Sunday, he decided to try again. This time with something more elaborate - strawberry shortcake. Everyone loved strawberry shortcake - it was both delicious and romantic, perfect for capturing Jonghyun’s attention. At least, that’s what Kibum had hoped. This time he made sure the light was on in Jonghyun’s apartment when he returned home from work before he started baking.
Taemin and Eunsook came over to keep him company and as volunteer taste testers. Kibum had initially assured them that he didn’t need them eating his hard work because strawberry shortcake was easy. In the end, Eunsook had wheedled him down with potential gossip over Minho’s latest failures in trying to woo her. Taemin just showed up.
“And so, then Minho decided to bring me yet another bouquet of roses,” she said as she cut a strawberry in half. She tsked at Taemin, who was washing strawberries, to hand her another one.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to cut the strawberries or sift or something?” asked Taemin. He handed her two more.
“No,” said both Kibum and Eunsook in unison.
“But washing strawberries is is so easy and boring, can’t I do something else?.”
“Said the idiot that tried to wash them with dish soap,” said Kibum. He rolled his eyes from where he was sifting the flour mixture. Taemin pouted but kept quiet. “Anyways, Minho bouquet of roses…?”
“He tried with another bouquet of roses,” said Eunsook. They had finished with the strawberries and now Taemin was just lounging on the table, watching Kibum mix heavy cream into his batter. She carefully gathered the leftover strawberry stems and put them into Kibum’s little compost bin before joining Taemin at the table. “And I’m just like, Minho. You got the girl, somehow, stop being such a try-hard.”
Taemin snickered and pointed at Kibum.
“If Minho-hyung is a try-hard, then what does that make Kibum-hyung?”
“Yah!”
-
After another hour, the shortcakes were ready and packaged. Kibum had once again had spent an agonizing amount of ensuring that his hair was perfectly swept and clothes were cute and casual, but not too casual to be considered sloppy. After another trip to the bathroom to primp, both Eunsook and Taemin had kicked him out of the apartment.
“That whipped cream won’t hold if you decide to change your outfit again,” said Eunsook as gave him the box full of shortcake. “Go! Go feed this to him. With your mouth or whatever.”
“Yeah hyung!” said Taemin with his mouth full. He gave Kibum a thumbs up. “With your mouth on his dick!” Eunsook made a face at Taemin but continued shooing Kibum out the door.
And that was how Kibum found himself in front of Jonghyun’s door on. He knocked, half fantasizing about Jonghyun showing up shirtless and beautiful. He’d invite him in with bedroom eyes to taste the whipped cream--
Kibum shook his head to clear him of the thoughts. He could already feel his face flush at the thought of a shirtless Jonghyun. If a tight t-shirt could drive him into a baking frenzy, who knows what a bare chest could do.
The door opened and Jonghyun peered out, dumbbell in hand. He squinted, hiding behind the door before realizing it was Kibum. “Hey!” he said as he opened the door. “What’s up?”
Today Jonghyun was dressed in a simple pair of sweatpants and a tank top. He had a small flush to his face and a light sheen of sweat dotting his chest. Kibum blanked for a few moments, forgetting why he was on Jonghyun’s doorstep in the first place.
“Oh, uh,” he began. “I uh got bored tonight, and did some baking. It’s only a cake, nothing too difficult. But I thought of you.” He held out the box and looked at the spot behind Jonghyun’s shoulder.
“Oh wow,” said Jonghyun. He took the box and grinned. “Thank you, I can’t wait to try this I’m a--strawberry?”
“What?”
-
“Oh my god,” whined Kibum. He rolled on his couch, defeated. “I could have sworn the strawberry shortcake was going to win his heart! How am I supposed to know the guy is allergic to strawberries?!”
“There, there,” said Eunsook. She manhandled Kibum so that he was sitting up again and spooned a small bite of shortcake to Kibum’s mouth.
“Yeah at least you tried!” said Taemin. “You just failed, that’s all.”
Kibum sobbed and buried his face into Eunsook’s bosom.
--
After going through most Wednesday in a cloud of self-imposed pity and self-doubt, Kibum decided that it was not worth it and set out to get Jonghyun’s attention yet again. Besides, he had stocked up on many, many eggs, and he felt that he needed to do something with them.
Which was why on Thursday night, Kibum was painstakingly putting the finishing touches of a tiramisu cake. He yawned, the late nights and hours at the office finally catching up with him.
“There,” he said. As he stood back and let out another big yawn. “You had to refrigerate overnight but Jonghyun is going to love you. And me.”
---
Kibum normally would have spent more time on his hair and clothes, but he was far too tired to go through his usual beauty and packaging regime. this time Kibum just touched up his hair and put a large slice of tiramisu in a tupperware. He knocked on the door, and checked to make sure that Jonghyun’s lights were still on; he was still awake.
Jonghyun answered the door, this time thankfully clothed in a large sweater and jeans. He looked so cuddly and comfortable that Kibum wanted to lay down on him. But he stopped himself, that would be uncalled for, as he found out the hard way through Dongwoon.
“Oh hey Kibum!” said Jonghyun. He looked happy to see him.. He leaned against the doorway, body relaxed. “What can I do for you?”
“Hi Jonghyun-hyung,” said Kibum. He forced himself to look into Jonghyun’s eyes and felt his knees weaken just a bit. “I uh, felt bad about the strawberry shortcake, but I made some tiramisu today for fun and thought to make it up to you.” He held out the box and opened it, showing the tiramisu to Jonghyun.
“Oh wow!” said Jonghyun. He stared at the tiramisu, eyes glazed over, looking ridiculously excited like a small child. Or a dog. “This looks great--thank you! Wow I love tiramisu I--” he interrupted himself with a big yawn.
At Kibum’s puzzled expression, it was Jonghyun’s turn to look sheepish. “Hey sorry, I am really, really tired and the coffee---” Kibum nodded, suddenly fidgety. His mind ran through many scenarios, growing more and more anxious and wondering if Jonghyun was somehow allergic to coffee. Or hated coffee or hated Kibum for constantly bothering him with cake. Kibum was so wrapped up in his own panic that he didn’t hear what Jonghyun said.
“Sorry, can you say that again?” babbled Kibum. “I kind of spaced out, long day for me too haha. Ha.”
“Oh no, I--” and Jonghyun yawned again, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “It’s just that I have insomnia and haven’t been sleeping very well. But, I really, really want to try your tiramisu! But caffeine really affects me and I can’t go through another day at work half asleep.”
“Oh,” said Kibum. Now he felt stupid, and slightly annoyed at Jonghyun. He was making it very difficult and expensive for Kibum to woo. He could feel himself growing disheartened. Maybe Jonghyun was just not interested. Kibum did learn that the hard way with Woohyun, and even Minho’s friend, Kyuhyun.
“But, you went through all this effort, I absolutely promise to try it first thing in the morning!” chirped Jonghyun. He nodded and then smiled at Kibum, cheeks rosy and eyes round. Just like a puppy. “But thank you, Kibummie.”
And Kibum knew he was sucked back in again, falling even deeper in like. He was fucked. He nodded and lingered at his doorway, wanting the moment to last longer, until Jonghyun sent him off with another sleepy grin and a wave.
“He called me Kibummie.”
--
The next morning Kibum found the tupperware on his doorstep. It was cleaned, but filled with cherry tomatoes and a note.
I couldn’t help myself and tried your tiramisu and it was so good~ but then I couldn’t help myself and ate another bite, and another and another…you had to go tempt me so late at night! Bad!! ㅋㅋㅋ
Anyways, it’s not proper to return empty tupperware, so please take these tomatoes from my mom’s garden as a thank you. You do like tomatoes, right? Right??
~Jonghyun
PS I hope it’s okay that I call you Kibummie, please let me know if you don’t like it. You can call me Jonghyun ㅠㅠㅠ
-
“How is he is so perfect?!” wailed Kibum as he flopped into his bed face down. After a few more moments of going over Jonghyun’s everything, he went to text anyone who would listen.
“There, there,” responded Eunsook over chat. She sent him a sticker of a dancing sheep.
-
The next few days were busy for Kibum. His office was wrapping up a large project and his entire team was practically working night, day and weekends to make their deadline. It was so busy that he couldn’t bake for Jonghyun, but it didn’t stop him from noticing the other man.
He and Jonghyun had become closer after the tiramisu-tomato exchange. He’d stop by and give Kibum kimchi made by his mom, or make friendly chatter while at the mailbox together. It was sweet, it caused butterflies to float in Kibum’s throat, and it also caused him immense frustration because he wasn’t sure if Jonghyun was interested or just naturally friendly.
“Taemin, he is so beautiful,” gushed Kibum as he packed his bag for another long day in the office. “He wore a button up shirt the today and his smile makes me...and his shoulders...and those arms. Did I mention he called me Kibummie?!”
“Kibum--” began Taemin.
“And get this, Jonghyun is a musician!” continued Kibum. He had finished packing his bags and slid into bed. He sighed, fanning himself, getting caught up in his own excitement. He could feel the aches in his joints from too many hours at the keyboard, and the calm lull of sleep tugging at his eyes, but he was too wrapped up in his own tired manic energy to stop. “He told me when we ran into each other at the mailbox, and his voice is so beautiful! I just want to wrap myself around it like a scarf!”
Taemin gave up and went silent. He chuckled as he heard Kibum breathe softly over the phone, already fast asleep.
“You really like him don’t you?”
-
“I think Kibum needs an intervention.”
“Oh? He’s so into Jonghyun-hyung though, it’s cute.”
“Yeah, but I think it’s getting out of hand. He sent me a text waxing poetry about the mole on Jonghyun’s chest.”
“Right. Right. And don’t get me started on his plan on stealing his mail to get closer to him.”
“That’s illegal.”
“Wait really? Ok maybe we need to do something. But I don’t want to die…”
“I have an idea…”
-
“Today is going to be the day!” yelled Kibum. He threw his sheet pans and package of almond flour on the table. The noise causing both Eunsook and Taemin to wince. “Saturday is the day where Jonghyun is going to fall in love with me!”
“...and how are you going to do that?” asked Eunsook, although timidly. She had never seen Kibum so fired up and wasn’t sure what to do. Even Taemin looked worried.
“Macarons!” sang Kibum. He opened the package of flour slowly, like it was a real prize, and continued chanting, eyes manic. “Macaron! Macaron! Macaron!”
“I”m leaving,” said Taemin quickly. He grabbed his coat and made way to the door, leaving his phone on the kitchen table.
“I need to go too --I think Minho needs me,” said Eunsook hastily. She brushed her long hair aside, and cast a worried look at Kibum. Her round eyes softened with concern and fear. “Best of luck ‘Bum--”
“No you can’t leave,” pouted Kibum. He had put down the bag of almond flour and walked towards them with a whisk in his hand and a knife in the other. “I need you. For both moral support and to help me make these things.”
Taemin looked at Eunsook eyes fearful. Eunsook nodded, eyes hardening in that one way that made it hard to disagree with, the look that Kibum had once dubbed her “angry parent” look.
It was quiet in the apartment, besides the small electrical sounds of the oven warming up, and Taemin breathing noisily. Eunsook made the first move.
“Kibum honey,” she said in a soothing tone. She took measured steps across the kitchen threshold to take the knife and whisk out of his hands. After she was sure that Kibum was properly confused and not suspicious, she moved a few paces away,
And in a flash, Taemin had swept a hand across the counter and knocked over Kibum’s bag of almond flour. All over the kitchen floor.
“Oops,” said Taemin. He was breathing even louder now, face pale and terrified over the thought of Kibum’s wrath. .
“Oh-fuck--Taemin!” shrieked Kibum. He tugged at his hair before diving to the ground in hopes of salvaging the flour.. “This shit is expensive--! How could you, you clumsy child?!”
“Hey, do you know what would be a great idea?” said Taemin raising his voice over Kibum’s cursing. He grabbed Kibum’s arm, careful to keep his distance so that Kibum doesn’t try to injure him.
“You should ask Jonghyun, yes Jonghyun if he has any almond flour,” cried Eunsook as she latched herself on his other arm and dragged both Kibum and Taemin out the kitchen.
“Why, that is a charming idea Eunsook, why didn’t I think of that?” yelled Taemin. He grabbed the doorknob and opened Kibum’s front door.
And that was how Kibum had found himself forced out of his own apartment.
“What makes you think Jonghyun would have almond flour?” Kibum wailed over the sounds of a deadbolt clicking in place. He petulantly kicked at his own door.
“We love you! But please just go ask Jonghyun if he has almond flour!”
“We’re cleaning up the mess now, and we’re very very sorry!”
“Fuck you!”
Kibum was livid. He kicked his door a few more times before stopping. His foot was starting to hurt. How could they? He considered Eunsook and Taemin his closest friends. They were there for him through thick and thin.
Taemin had been there for when Kibum first moved into town, taking him to see the sights and cafe hopping with an infectious smile and a lifetime of pointless stories. Eunsook was there when Kibum had landed his first grown-up job; she had brought over a bottle of nice wine and had taught him two more variations on how to tie a tie. They were both there when Kibum had a break up - Hyeongsup, Dongwoon, Woohyun, all of them. They understand him.
And that’s when Kibum realized it. They do understand him, how he gets. Eunsook and Taemin have been there for him through every large and small event, through every crush and subsequent break-up. They understand how roundabout and elaborate Kibum’s plans could be, how he could save himself many weeks of anxiety and psyching himself out by just being direct with his feelings and asking the poor guy out.
Kibum, however, was stubborn. He knew they were trying to help, and that he should be more direct with his feelings towards Jonghyun, but he also wanted to properly kick their asses first.
“C’mon guys,” he said sweetly. Kibum tried the doorknob again. Still locked. “I promise I won’t kill you for knocking the flour over and locking me out, just let me in.”
“Is everything okay?” a voice asked. Jonghyun’s voice.
Kibum turned around, and blushed. Jonghyun was standing right behind him looking terribly amused. He was returning from his scheduled gym visit on Saturdays, something Kibum memorized much too quickly, and Kibum wanted to cry over how good he looked with his tousled semi-wet hair and tank top.
“Do you have any almond flour”? Kibum began. At Jonghyun’s confused stare he grew nervous and started rambling. “Um, my friends are assholes. I wanted to make some macarons today, but they knocked over the bag of flour and then locked me out of my apartment.”
“Why did they do that? Ah--” Jonghyun caught himself, looking downwards sheepishly. “That’s between you guys,” he said quietly. He watched amused as Kibum kicked the door once more. “And no, I don’t have any almond flour--”
“Yeah, I figured, the only reason why I have it is to make macarons for you, and maybe some gluten free cookies for my friend Amber,” interrupted Kibum as he tried the doorknob again. One of these days he needs to take his spare key from Taemin and transfer it to Woohyun, someone more reliable and less traitorous. Woohyun, albeit a huge flirt, knew his boundaries on what would piss Kibum off and what would not. He was smart enough to not dare do this to him in the first place.
“But,” continued Jonghyun, amusement evident in his voice. “I wouldn’t mind taking you to the store and buying some.
“I don’t have my wallet,” said Kibum stupidly, not understanding what was happening. And then he gasped, aware of what he had accidentally blurted out.. Was Jonghyun asking him out? Did Jonghyun even notice Kibum’s slip of tongue?
“It’ll be my treat.” said Jonghyun. He reached out to rest a warm hand on Kibum’s elbow. “But in return, maybe we can bake the macarons, together?” he asked. Jonghyun’s voice had dropped to a lone sweet tone as he glanced at Kibum and bit his lip, looking adorably shy.
“I would really like that,” said Kibum. Now it was his turn to grin, widely, happily. Kibum shuffled his feet nervously, deciding to be bold for once in his life and take charge. “And maybe if we get tired of baking we can grab lunch?”
Jonghyun grinned, looking very happy. And in the past week where Kibum had fantasized and planned for his first date with Jonghyun, he had never expected it to go this well or for Jonghyun to be this receptive.
“I’d like that. I’d really, really like that.”
-
Bonus:
“Kibummie, you have raspberry jam on your face,” said Jonghyun. He laughed as Kibum mock glared at him. After a while, his guffaw had softened Kibum’s glare to a small smile.
“Well, if someone wasn’t horsing around with my spatula, I wouldn’t be covered in jam,” said Kibum dramatically. “Taemin ate so much of my jam, I don’t know how that kid does it, did he just stick his face in the jar or something--
“Kibummie can I?” interrupted Jonghyun.
“Can you what?”
Kibum’s eyes widened as Jonghyun leaned over and kissed him. He moved away and continued lathering jam on a macaron cookie, pretending to be nonchalant but the stupid grin on his face gave him away.
“Nothing. I’ve just been wanting to do that ever since you showed up on my doorstep with the strawberry shortcake, but I didn’t want to weird you out or anything--”
Kibum stopped Jonghyun’s rambling by pulling him in for another kiss.
“Shut up.”