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[betterdayscome]

do this:

Post a story, a secret, a confession, a threat, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like, and then put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say. Thanks.

Comments

[anonymous]

I dont know how to describe how I am feeling. Its many things all tangled and jumbled together and it makes me sick. When I am feeling like I am now, I am not only effected mentally, but physically as well. Like down right shit to be honest. I know I do it to myself. I think too much into things and then I set myself off and by the time I realizes what I am doing I've sunk so deep that I cant pull myself up and out of it

[rockmusicman007]

Your very cool.

[anonymous]

I really hate myself and what Ive become. I like to try and tell people that I never care about my looks, and if there is something with a reflection, I wouldnt look. Thats a lie, I look everytime. I can't help it. I want make sure what Im doing, and who Im with looks good. When I hang out with my ugly friends I take extra care to make sure I look better then them, and I stand out from them, just to be better then them. I doubt everything I say. My emotions, all of it. Ive changed a lot since just the beginning of this year, and the people who knew the old me....like this one I guess. But Im afraid the people who didnt know the old me wouldnt like it. So I keep it hidden away and sometimes it comes out when Im around some people. But other's....well, there's a wall there. Whenever Im completley myself, sometimes you're only getting half of it. I try to be honest with everyone, but even to some people I tuck myself away because I feel dumb talking about my feelings. So I don't. My best friend treats me like shit and I secertly hate

my shit

[anonymous]

I am so completely serious in a relationship.
I may act like something is ok, depending on what it is
But really I overthink it all.

I have come to where I want to be in my life. I feel happy. My friends are here, my family is here, and school is going good enough.
But where I will always judge myself isn't on looks or on grades or anything.
It will always be that I can do better in a relationship. I always strive to do better by thinking, "I can do better than that" or "That wasn't good enough, you are not good enough for them."
And I overly paranoid

And if none of the above are happening, the paranoia, the over thinking
Then I don't give a shit about the person that I am with in a relationship.

And it all disappears after a month of being with the person.
But that month is hell.

And that is my secret fear, the fear of not being good enough or sweet enough and losing the relationship that I throw everything into.