Comments | benchilada: New SERGE entry...

benchilada

New SERGE entry...

Feb 25, 2005 16:55

Parts One through Three of Serge's interesting times can be found in this entry:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/benchilada/50530.html

( In which benjamin introduces a damn plot )

mendicants, booze, emperor, ramen, fiction, serge, moon turk, mike

Comments 15

draggonlaady February 26 2005, 00:33:55 UTC

beautiful

benchilada February 26 2005, 01:19:51 UTC

I'm glad you're enjoying it. Anything in particular grabbing you one way or the other? Comments or criticisms?

draggonlaady February 26 2005, 06:12:15 UTC

mmm. difficult to explain... you've given enough info to make me curious, but not enough to really understand how the emperor works, or why these people are loyal to him; or conversely, why there is an uprising against him. at this point, i've not really even got a handle on whether the Emperor is benevolent and Serge therefore a "good guy" or a tyrant and Serge a "bad guy" but either way i'm hoping he wins. I like the feel of the whole thing so far... just different enough from how things are here/now that i'm off balance, but similar enough to feel ...not familiar... but i can't find a word for it.

does that help at all?

ladyhawk22 February 26 2005, 08:18:39 UTC

One of the things I love is the way you effortlessly string together multiple cultures. Just love it! Should feel random, but it doesn't, the way you piece it together. Seems like that's the way things have always been.

stories spacepiratenate February 28 2005, 03:07:13 UTC

hey ben i like how creative your work is and how its truzens of things i would never think of. also, your mom tells me (we hang out sometimes) that you didnt talk until you were three years old, and now that is a leading sign of autism. here are some of my stories from espresso stories, i only have four of the probably eleven that i submitted, but whatever, these are the conformist ones instead of the creative ones because i was just trying to get them to accept it:

'Blind Love'
"I draw pictures for the blind, and tell stories to the deaf" Sara signed into Ben's eager palm
'Burning'
Ben screamed and Sara put out the fire just in time for Nate to dance by.
'it's time'
"it's not ready yet, but the world needs it now" she said as she carefully unlocked her chains.
'getting used to it'
"weird", he thought, as he screwed his head back on
i had another one that said something like:
"i go for quantity, not quality", i whispered to myself as i, again, hit submit at espressostories.com
i also defined the word shplabam at urban dictionary

Some Criticism for Ya bistrosavage March 1 2005, 01:47:21 UTC

Well, hmmm. Yeah, you added a plot, but barely. I realize that its ( ... )

Re: Some Criticism for Ya benchilada March 1 2005, 02:09:32 UTC

Please allow me to rebutt...heh...re-butt...

Yeah, you added a plot, but barely. I realize that its early in the story and all, but the arc paragraph reads more like a plot description rather than an actual plot...It would have been better if the cook guy had PLAYED BACK excerpts of the recordings rather than giving us the summary.

I must say, I wanted the arc paragraph to be overwhelming. We have no idea who ANY of these people are, and I’ll bet you my left nut that less than nine out of ten people in the country knows what the fuck a mendicant is without looking it up. I wanted to shit all of this stuff on Serge *and* the reader at the same time. Some explanations will be forthcoming in the next installment, MAYBE some playback, but I want an unreliable narrator when Moon Turk relates the information he has. Recordings are too precise.

1) Given us opportunity to hear how the UMI members talk, thus fleshing out their collective character some.On its way. I’m not going to explain every group the first moment they show up. Is ( ... )

Re: Some Criticism for Ya spacepiratenate March 1 2005, 03:21:37 UTC

HEY BEN I JUST GOT MY FIRST STORY PUBLISHED (OUT OF LIKE A MILLION) ON ESPRESSO STOREIS

IF YOU GET THERE QUICK ENOUGH IT WILL PROBABLY STILL BE UNDER 'NEW STORIES' ITS CALLED GETTING USEd TO IT

I DONT EVEN THINK ITS VERY GOOD

BUT ITS CURRENTLY RATED 44/3619 OR SOMETHING FANTABULOUS

Re: Some Criticism for Ya bistrosavage March 1 2005, 06:34:49 UTC

"I must say, I wanted the arc paragraph to be overwhelming. We have no idea who ANY of these people are, and I’ll bet you my left nut that less than nine out of ten people in the country knows what the fuck a mendicant is without looking it up. I wanted to shit all of this stuff on Serge *and* the reader at the same time. Some explanations will be forthcoming in the next installment, MAYBE some playback, but I want an unreliable narrator when Moon Turk relates the information he has. Recordings are too precise."Those are your artistic choices and I think they are quite reasonable. My problem is that the paragraph under discussion had exactly the OPPOSITE effect on me ( ... )

anonymous March 1 2005, 22:07:59 UTC

i commented on your other entries of this story today, too.
i thought the moon turk was going to kill serge! this story is getting really good. i cannot wait to see the rest! im happy that you put a conspiracy plot into it, too.
i like to write in big letters because it makes my opinions important.
-ajay!!